812: Break Free from the All-or-Nothing Mindset Today

0:01This episode is supported by What Should I Do With My Money? From Morgan Stanley. Okay, can we just talk about how money is legitimately one of the hardest topics of money. up. Like even when you think you have your stuff together, there's always this really weird awkwardness around it. That's why I am obsessed with this podcast. It actually makes money conversations feel approachable. I recently listened to an episode about affording multiple big life things at once, like a wedding, a house, an IVF, if they were all happening at the same time. And honestly, it hit home. So many people are wondering, can we actually have it all without sacrificing our sanity or our savings.

0:42What I love is that they bring in real experts who help break down these massive costs into actual doable steps. It's like having a money mentor in your ear who gets it. Search for What Should I Do With My Money in your podcast player. We'll also include a link in the show notes. Many thanks to What Should I Do With My Money and Morgan Stanley for their support. And so I have very much learned the power of small and consistent actions. And I have learned that both in my personal health journey, but also in business. What does it look like to consistently show up? I'm Jenna Kutcher, your host of the Gold Digger podcast.

1:23I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a$300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven figure online business that feels even better than it looks all from my house in small town, Minnesota with my family. Here we value time as our currency. We mix the woo and the work, and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love. I've always loved turning big goals into reality, and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down.

1:59Every week we tackle practical, no-fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired, and empowered. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. Have you ever found yourself waiting for the perfect moment to do something, only to realize that that moment might never come? Maybe it's launching a new product, sharing content online, creating a podcast, or even starting a new habit in your life. Now, I have been there so many times before, stuck in the all or nothing mindset.

2:42I've been there where I think if I can't give a hundred percent, why even do it? And let me tell you, that mindset has held me back at so many different stages and phases in my life. Whether it's in your business or your personal life, the pressure to do everything perfectly can be daunting and overwhelming. We convince ourselves that if we're not going all in, it's not worth doing. But here's the truth. Perfection isn't the key to success. It's also not the requirement. Consistency is. Today, we're talking about how the all or nothing mindset is probably doing more harm than good and how breaking free from it can open up doors that you didn't even know were closed.

3:20I'm going to share a bit of my own story throughout this episode, how I've tried to let go of perfectionism, how I've started focusing on small, consistent improvements instead. And let me tell you, these shifts have been life-changing for both my business and my personal life. Plus, I'll give you actionable tips that you can start implementing today to help you break free from that mindset. Get ready for an honest conversation about perfectionism, progress, and how to finally move forward without waiting to be perfect. Let's go. Super quick question. How many tabs do you have open right now? Like actually go to your browser and check.

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4:32So close those tabs. It's business growing time. Visit HubSpot.com to get started today. That's HubSpot.com. where are my fellow perfectionists at? I feel like so many of us in this community likely struggle with the trap of perfectionism. And I feel like I've been really reflective lately on where does that come from? Why am I this way? And I feel like my five-year-old is a huge mirror to me. The other day she was like, mom, it doesn't have to be perfect. And I was like, okay, she's saying to me what I constantly say to her, like it doesn't have to be perfect to be good. And yet I think innately, like deep down, if I'm really being honest, I am still very wired to try and do things perfectly.

5:19And so even thinking about this episode, I'm like, I still actively struggle with a lot of this. I am unpacking so much in therapy. I've been doing therapy for over a year now. And it's so interesting to me just how so many different beliefs and mindsets like are formed when you're so young, which is also slightly terrifying as a parent because you're like, what am I? What mindsets and beliefs am I giving my children? I don't know if any other parents feel that way. But I even think back to my days as a really competitive gymnast. And I'm not talking about just like you go and tumble a couple of days a week.

5:53I mean, we practiced during the school year from 4.30 to 8.45, four nights a week. And in the summer, from noon to 845, four nights a week. So you can do the math. I was at the gym more than I was home oftentimes. And I loved gymnastics. And I feel like watching the Paralympics just brought so many emotions back of being in that chalky gym and the pressure of competition and saluting and all these different things. But I think that while I was so crazy passionate about gymnastics, I do think it ingrained this deep desire to be perfect, to look perfect, to not show that you're nervous, to hold it all together and all these different things.

6:34And so much of that poise has helped position me to where I am today. And I actually don't regret any of it. But when we think about some of the roadblocks we face and some of the ways that we block our own selves from success, Yes, I think perfectionism is a huge one. I think that oftentimes perfectionism leads us to procrastination, right? If I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all. And that procrastination can have us really be mean to ourselves. I saw a really cute reel the other day and it was like, I recognize that I couldn't have even dreamt of this version of myself when I was younger.

7:12and I still have the audacity to be mean to her. How rude. And I was like, oh, that's so many of us. So many of us have achieved things even beyond what we had even dreamt. And yet we're still berating ourselves for not doing things perfectly or things like that. And so I just want to kind of talk about how first perfectionism is likely leading to your procrastination. And so if you are somebody listening to this show and you're like, I thought it would be further by now. I thought I would have launched that thing. I thought the business would be successful. I thought my side hustle would be making more, whatever that is.

7:44You might be able to trace some of that dismay back to the idea of perfectionism and having it all be perfect. One of the things that I adopted actually really early on as an entrepreneur, and looking back, it was probably one of the best mindset shifts that I adopted is done is better than perfect. And I've had to recognize that so many times over the years because I run with a very small team. For the size of our business, we have a really small team. There are so many things that I did all by myself for so many years because I was reluctant to get help. And in that stage, it was kind of survival mode in so many ways.

8:22It was definitely the hustle phase of my business. And I couldn't do it all perfectly. And so I really had to adopt this idea that done is better than perfect. And I have seen that reflected in so many of my endeavors, like even starting this very podcast. I recorded the first episodes of my podcast in my parked car, in my garage, in Wisconsin, in the winter using iPhone headphones because I couldn't even figure out how to plug a USB mic into my computer. That's where we were at. Okay. And I have just recognized so often that like, it's so much more about the message and the intention than the method.

8:59And I laugh because even to this day, I am a hundred percent certain there are still typos in my posts. There's probably typos on my website. I don't get it all right. And that's not what I'm trying to do. I want to show you that showing up imperfectly is better than sitting and waiting for things to be perfect. Because guess what? You're never going to show up if you do that. Perfectionism is the core of your procrastination. That's what I believe. But here's the good news. You're not alone in this. The Hardin Group conducted research in partnership with the Social Research Lab at the University of Northern Colorado.

9:36They found that 86 % of respondents believed perfectionistic expectations impact their work. It can manifest in our lives and our businesses in so many different ways, but specifically in our business, like waiting for the perfect time to start something or obsessing over details that don't actually matter in the bigger picture. I've said this before on the podcast, but I think oftentimes so many people are so concerned about looking like a business that they aren't actually doing the things required to make them a business, which ultimately at the end of the day is having an offer and getting something in exchange for the offer.

10:16We get so focused on the perfect website, the perfect social media feed, the perfect business plan, all of these things. And they will all come in due time. But at the same point too, it threatens to hold us back from launching the thing in the first place. And I will tell you time and time again, nobody is obsessing over what you are doing or posting or saying or sharing as much as you are. Everyone has their microscope down on themselves in their own lives and they have their own tunnel vision. And so do not wait to be perfect in order to get your dreams off the ground. I think that I have found a really good balance of having a company with a company culture where we have really high standards for ourselves and our work.

11:02But we've also found that this idea of progress over perfection, that's been a game changer for our business. It helps us see the bigger picture and not get bogged down with all the small and insignificant details. I feel like, especially lately, just as my kids are getting older and I feel pulled in more directions, There have been so many times where I'm like, if something feels too complicated that we're not even doing it, how can we simplify it to just get it done? And so we have to recognize the trap of perfectionism and where it's showing up, adopt this done is better than perfect mentality, and really look at maybe some of the places that this perfectionism might stem from.

11:44Thank it for the ways that it's helped us because undoubtedly it has, but also release it so that we can start to move forward and make progress. Okay, it is officially that time of year. And if you run a business, you know, the holiday rush is no joke. I've done more Black Fridays than I can count at this point. And let me tell you, orders at 2am, inventory updates, refreshing my site, hoping it can keep up. It never stops being intense. That is exactly why I use Shopify. It keeps everything running smoothly when things get their craziest. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the U.S., from household names to entrepreneurs who will be participating in their first Black Friday Cyber Monday this year.

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13:12I've had my fair share of slow and lagging internet and let me tell you, nothing kills your groove faster. It is the ultimate productivity killer. You can't process payments, you can't talk to clients, and your team feels stuck waiting on you. Back when I started my business, I learned pretty quickly that things only run as smoothly as your connection does. And that's why I love what Spectrum Business is doing. They get it. They know that reliable systems keep your business running, your clients happy, and your stress levels low. Spectrum Business offers internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, and mobile services built for your budget.

13:47And here's the best part. You can get free business internet forever when you add four mobile lines. No contracts, no added fees, just dependable service that keeps your business moving forward. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. Restrictions apply, services not available in all areas. The next thing we need to talk about is why the all or nothing approach does not work. When you think about it, the all or nothing mindset can totally strike us both in business and in personal life. It could be with your health goals or your fitness goals.

14:27It could be in your relationships. And having this outlook can totally set you up for failure. And I have seen this so many times in my own life. Here's a funny story. So years and years and years ago, one of my dearest friends, Meg, she has been gluten-free for years. And she was just noticing things in my life that maybe suggested that gluten wasn't a great thing for me and my body. And guess what? She was totally right, which I found out years later. So she took me grocery shopping and we bought all this gluten-free stuff. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to eliminate gluten. And guess what happened?

15:01I felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to do it perfectly. And as soon as I messed up, as soon as I took a bite of that pizza or had soy sauce or something like that, I was done. And it was so interesting because I didn't recognize it then, but I had let that perfectionism side come in. And so then a few years later, we're in the throes of my miscarriages. We're starting to do medical tests and blood work. I discover that I am really, really incredibly sensitive to gluten. And all of a sudden, I have a much stronger why, but now I have that past experience and that past knowledge to lean on. And so all of a sudden, it's so much easier for me to go gluten-free.

15:46And I recognize like, hey, I'm not going to do this all perfectly, but I'm going to get there slowly. And that time it stuck and it worked. And so I have recognized in so many places in my life, I have had this tendency, these blind spots of like, I see things in black and white. Like that is naturally how I see the world. There is a right way and a wrong way. And lately I have been learning so much more and leaning so much more into the gray. I am a person who loves the all or nothing because again, when you are a perfectionist, you want to go all in, right? Like you want to do it perfectly. And so learning how to accept and welcome in this middle approach is a challenge for me.

16:30And I have been kind of leaning into it. Like, what does this look like? Like, maybe I don't work out every single day, but what if I get in the gym five days this week? Or, you know, even there were times in my life and there's so many times I can think of, but here are two examples. When I first started my business, I had a free WordPress blog. I told myself for no reason other than just telling myself, I'm in a blog Monday through Friday every single day. I did that for years and years and years. And looking back, it taught me consistency. It taught me how to show up imperfectly, but I would never miss a day, never miss a day.

17:07I would wake up at like 5am just to publish a post. I don't even know who was reading it. I don't think anybody was reading it, but it taught me consistency. And then finally, I got burnt out. I was like, I have nothing more to say. I don't even know if anyone besides my mom is actually reading this. What is the point of this? And then I just wanted to stop. But I found a middle approach. And I was like, what if I blog two to three times a week when I have something to say, when I'm excited about what I'm saying? Another example of this is when I used to do CrossFit. I went Monday through Friday at 8.15.

17:35I never missed a single day. I get really addicted and obsessed with things. And again, while that can be helpful in a lot of scenarios, it doesn't leave a lot of room for the gray. It doesn't leave a lot of room for life or recovery or change. And so motherhood, I think has really forced me to look myself in the eye and to see the areas of my life where I think about all or nothing, or I approach things in that manner, because motherhood has humbled me in so many ways. It has slowed me down and it has shown me that I have to stay nimble and flexible to keep moving forward. And so we need to understand that if you are someone that is approaching business or your next dream or the next big project with this all or nothing mindset, you have to welcome in shades of gray and more moments for flexibility.

18:25Success comes from building sustainable habits and small incremental actions lead to greater long-term results. And so when you shift from the all or nothing to something is better than nothing, that is when you are able to make progress. When you recognize that a five-minute workout is better than no workout at all, and that you don't have to get super sweaty or be in a gym for an hour to count that, you start to see that like, hey, this is actually still moving me closer to the dream. It might be slower. It might be imperfectly, but I'm still moving. And so if you are someone who is in this all or nothing mindset, I want for you to challenge yourself and see where you can invite in great.

19:09And I also want to challenge you in the way that you are setting yourself up for failure in the way that you're saying, you know, I'm not going to eat any processed food for the next 30 days. And then three days in you fail and you just give up on that goal. How can you invite in small bits of progress and more shades of gray so that you stay flexible and you stay active in the engagement of your goals so that you can continue to move forward? Number three is the power of small and consistent actions. If you can get 1 % better each day for one year, you'll end up 37 times better by the time you're done.

19:46That is one of my favorite quotes from the legendary book that I'm sure all of you have read, Atomic Habits by James Clear. 1 % better each day. You'll end up 37 times better. That is crazy. So here's what I want for you to think about. Consistency beats intensity. Small daily actions compound over time to create significant results. If you are known for the drama, for the big things, the other day I was in a text thread with a group of really close friends and they were like, for the next 30 days, here's what we're doing. And it was like a lot of stuff. Like it was not eating junk food, not drinking, reading this many pages in a book.

20:27It was like, it was just like a lot of things. It was like 10 things. And I was laughing because they were already like one day and we're like, how's it going? And they're like, well, so-and-so failed on this. And I didn't do that. And I was like, okay, we're likely setting ourselves up for failure. What if we just picked one of those things and did that for the next 30 days? And then the next 30 days, you pick another one of those things. And so consistency beats intensity. And so how can we bring more consistency in our lives? One of the things that I love, my friend Jay Shetty said, we were at a mastermind and he was talking about how we don't talk enough about doing the reps.

21:05You think about athletes and like how many times they stand at the free throw line and throw shot after shot after shot to get better? Or a golfer, how many times do they hit that golf ball to learn? And we think about doing the reps as athletes, but we don't necessarily translate that over to entrepreneurship. I have done over 800 reps when it comes to this podcast. Guess what? I've gotten better every single time. I have written thousands of blog posts over the years. The blog gets better every single time. And so we need to think about areas of our life where we can do the reps. What does that look like?

21:41Showing up imperfectly, showing up even if we're not doing it every single day. How do we put in the reps? Every day, if you could just focus on one action to move the needle forward, that is going to get you further than waiting for the perfect time or the perfect moment or the perfect website or the perfect social media feed. I notice this a lot with my health journey. And a lot of times people ask me like, what are you doing? How did you get into this and all this stuff. And I have changed things very slowly over a significant period of time. I am talking about seven years. Seven years ago was when we had our second miscarriage, when I really started digging into my health.

22:21And it's so interesting because this last year, I was diagnosed with PCOS, polycystic ovarian syndrome. A lot of women have it. And it was crazy to me because this diagnosis came out of the blue after my childbearing days are over, after having two children and two miscarriages. And it was so interesting because one, I wasn't super emotional about the diagnosis. I was more intrigued. But two, when I Googled the things you should be doing for PCOS, I realized that I actually started my journey of healing that aspect of my life years and years ago without even knowing that I had it. From eliminating gluten to focusing on my blood sugar, to more mindful movement and less intensity, to focusing on my sleep.

23:05There are so many different areas where I was following the protocol. And honestly, going backwards a little bit, I think it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't get that diagnosis when I was in the throes of loss and so overwhelmed because with my all or nothing tendency, I would not have been able to follow through and integrate all of these things where now my PCOS does not really impact my life. I don't feel the impacts of it because I've done so many different things to heal it over seven years that now have gotten me to the point where I am today. And so I have very much learned the power of small and consistent actions.

23:46And I have learned that both in my personal health journey, but also in business. what does it look like to consistently show up? Yes, I can laugh that I blogged every single day for years without really having any strategy, without really having any readership. But I learned how to consistently show up, how to write, how to think of things to say, how to say things in different ways, how to create content, whether it is posting content consistently or chipping away at a big project in small bursts or committing to bite-sized goals or digging your biggest goals in life or business. It's all in the little things.

24:21I think our moms were right with those like weird little boards that had those cute little quotes on them in our houses of like, life is all the little things. It's actually true. A few months ago, I got my colors done and I learned that your girl is an autumn, which means out with the black and in with the brown. I have been rebuilding a capsule wardrobe lately and my all-time favorite place to shop is Revolve. They add new products daily and you can sort by color and size and even build out wish lists. I recently got these brown Autry sneakers that I am obsessed with and I snagged this suede bag that I couldn't stop eyeing for fall.

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