817: Want to Succeed Without Burning Out? Here’s the Real Key

25:48I just want to be responsible for myself for one year. Finally. I love that you, I mean, you have, and I think a lot of people listening can connect with this idea that like so much of their life has been in service to others and whether they're caretakers, they're raising kids or taking care of their clients or building their businesses. what are some boundaries that you're going to put in place to make this possible? Because we know we can say what we want, all we want, but like in order to make that happen, like, is there anything that you're going to do in this next year to kind of protect your peace?

26:24As our friend Trent Shelton says, what, what does that look like? I'm going to buy some bodyguards first.

26:36unrelatable. Here's the easiest thing for me that I just never realized that I did. Yeah. Number one, I'm going to start with me. Yeah. Like I never start. It's not that I can't put me first. I just never started with me. I've always started with what do you need to pay your bills? What does your family need? How much money do you need? How many gigs do I need to do to make sure that the taxes are paid or the insurance is paid? Like, what do I need to do to make sure your kids who are in private school still like, what does Eric need to do to keep Eric number one in the world so that I can take care?

27:09I never started with me. Like, where do I want to go on vacation? You know, what do I want my day to look like? What, what would it look like if I, so I think number one, starting with me, number two, like paying Didi back. Like, yo, you've been there for me since I was 16 years old. And it's kind of like, Didi and I have created so much together that I'm giving her time away, you know, and I'm giving some of her money away and I'm giving some of, you know, our time away. It's like, no, stop. So start with you. You owe you 365 days. And then you owe Didi because she did come in there. You were high school dropout.

27:44You were homeless. You were living in abandoned buildings. You borrowed her dreams and goals. You borrowed her credit. You borrowed her money. You borrowed her responsibility. Like she was responsible. She took care of business. She graduated in four years. Like she got the first house in her name. Like you owe her and no, you guys don't owe anybody else. You've done enough. Like if you stop doing videos, there are more videos and courses and books that people need. Like you guys have to look out for each other. And I just came over here. My wife was on the phone, you know, with the church. I guess something was going on.

28:15And she was, and I said, I'm going to leave her alone. I got to go spend some time with Jenna. But when I come back, we're going to have a call. Get off the phone. Let them figure it out. They're going to be okay. Not even selfishly for me. You're wasting an hour on the phone that you could be in a sauna. And so when you go, I didn't have time to do yoga today. You did have time. You gave it away to them. Let them figure out how they're going to do what they're going to do. So for me, it's put you first, Eric. Like for real, for real. Write it down. What do you want? Stop starting with them. Stop.

28:45This school call. They need you. Of course they do. They're going to always be kids that are struggling that are among us. But Eric, you need you too. And so that's where I'm going to start. And then once I write it down, Jenna, it's something about writing it that makes it plain. I'm going to make a commitment to myself and a contract to myself. I'm always signing contracts with other people. I'm always calling legal for somebody else. It's like, no, write a contract to yourself. Make a vow to yourself. Stop teaching people to make all these vows to themselves. And you never make one to you. So Eric, make a vow that this is going to be your year, Didi's year, not even the kids.

29:23Somebody called me, the guard at our property in California called, Uber is here. I'm like, Uber? Like, who is that? My son's spending a couple of days there. And I'm like, I called my son. I was like, yo, do me a favor. Don't do that. I'm like, that's not your house. And I know you love me and I love you, but no, no, no. Ask me, can you do? And so I've always put everybody's needs before me. 2025, I'm going to be selfish. What does Eric want? And once I write it down, what does Didi need? Once I write it down, I'm going to keep that commitment to myself. You know, I'm going to hold you accountable because I'm good at that.

30:00I mean, I think that it's beautiful. And I think, too, for so many people, especially I feel like at this time of year, we're really kind of in that reflection mode of like, OK, how have things shaken out and how was I feeling January 1st and how am I feeling today? And what's so interesting to me is I think a lot of people say what their values are. But when you look at their calendars or their email inboxes or whatever, it'd be really hard to see their values being lived out. And it's so much harder to do in practice, right? It's easy to say it's hard to follow through. And so I feel like this is such a beautiful setup of like what actually matters to you.

30:40And if I were to like, look at your calendar, could I really see what you're prioritizing in your life and see that reflected back? And I think that that can be really sobering for a lot of people because we recognize that we are serving and we're out there. We're saying yes to all the wrong things, which means no to all the things that really matter. And so I think that's so powerful. When you talk about January, let's go back. One of the things I did, and this is metaphorically, I know some people really struggle with it. So I don't use this illustration to be insulting to anyone, but I had to give the keys away, right?

31:18So I wouldn't get a DUI in life. Right. So I just had to say, Hey, I want to, I do want to travel, but I can't drive. So here. And so I gave Mustafa the keys. I gave him the keys to my schedule. I gave him the keys to the engagements that I choose and I don't choose. You know, I gave him, I just gave him the keys. He runs the staff now, you know, he does everything. So it's like, I talked to him for 10 minutes and I got all my time back. So I don't know staff meetings, you know, none of that. So January, I just gave him the keys. And let me just say this. Oh, it's been a joy. Now, what I want to do in 2025 is to give him the keys and not watch him drive.

31:59I want to give him the keys now and just make it scenic. So this year was, hey, you got the keys. But there were a couple of times I called everything. How are the kids? And my mom has this thing when the kids, of course, the kids are grown now. But when we were younger, my mom had this thing of, do me a huge favor. If I watch the kids and this is my time with the kids, do not call the kids while I have the kids. Right. Cause I, you know, I'll call two, three times. My mom's like, listen to me. I raised you. Everybody's alive. Yeah. I raised you. Okay. I'm a better parent than you are. Right. And so there are times though, that we do give things up, but we keep babysitting.

32:39And so as I go into 2025, it's a run the company and I'm not going to be checking in on you. I know everything as well, but I will say this. It's, I've got to go do a gig in London. And so I was like, you know what? I don't drive the vehicle anymore. Hey, hey, we're all the way in London. Hey, Didi, let's go to Venice. Hey, let's spend a couple of days in Rome. You know, I love Gladiator. I've never been to the Coliseum before. So I'm like, hey, let's just go and let's just be irresponsible. Like just cut our phones off. You know, everybody's going to be fine. Let's not go and still do our meetings.

33:15Let's not go and still be on the calls that we're on. Like, let's go. Let's just cut every, let's just be irresponsible. We've been responsible for so long. Let's get in Europe and let's just be irresponsible. We're in a different time zone. If it's an emergency, you can't get us anyway. You got to call 9-1-1 anyway. So it's like, let's just go and enjoy ourselves. And that's just not something I was doing before. If I would go, I would take a small suitcase that had business on it. And so now we're going to leave the business suitcase at home. We're going to leave the responsibility book bag at home.

33:50And we're going to go and be irresponsible, just enjoy ourselves, you know, and have a good time and not talk about next year. We're going to like, no, this is an opportunity. I didn't plan for it, but it came up. So while we're flying all the way over there anyway. Yeah. You know, let's enjoy what's there. You know, it's so funny because even like the thought of being disconnected, I think it stresses people out. And I was just talking to one of my best friends. I would say for almost the last 10 years, we have had a rule of no cell phones in our bedroom. It is like we are hard and fast with it.

34:25We do not break the rule. And it's so funny because, you know, everyone's like, well, what if, what if, what if, what if? And I was like, in 10 years, I've missed one call and it was not life or death. One call that I wish I would have caught, but it was not life or death. And I have a setting that has my family. So like if they called two times, it would ring downstairs and I could probably hear it through the white noise machine. But at the same point, like that is how I do a devotional every night. If I had my phone in my room, I would not be reading a devotional. I would be scrolling Instagram.

34:57I would not be connecting with my husband. I would be looking at other people's lives being lived while mine is literally happening in front of me. And so it's just, it's so interesting because I love this idea of like giving someone else the keys. There are so many ways to do this in your life without even other people of like putting up the bumpers in the areas that you know, you're going to go sideways on, right? Like I picture my daughters are so young. So when we go bowling, they like pop those little bumpers up So the ball literally can only go straight. And I think about that often like boundaries where it's like so many of us, we, you and I, we are our own worst enemy because we want to say, yes, we get in other people's energy.

35:40We're excited. We see it. We love them. Of course, we want to do these things. And so for people like us, which is a lot of my listeners, you have to figure out what are the bumpers in your life that are going to help you to say no. and how do you do that? And like, for me, I remember, especially when I became a mom, I had to create this template that I would send out to people every time they invited me to something. And it literally just said like, thank you so much for this amazing opportunity. Right now, this is a no. My no is no reflection of you or your idea or your event. It's all about me.

36:13If I say yes to you, I'm saying no to what matters the most. And I've waited years to become a mom. And so this is where I'm spending my time. And what was so funny is when I sent that, this ties us all the way back to the beginning of this interview. It was like a breadcrumb for someone else to recognize that you can say no, and it's not a negative experience. I just think it's so powerful and we miss it so often. Yeah. And I think we miss it because a lot of us, you know, we're reading and we're not necessarily becoming. So a lot of times when you adapt or adopt a principle that you have not embraced in your heart.

36:57Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't last as long. And so, you know, for instance, you might say, Eric, what are your bumpers? Well, if I don't honor bumpers or I don't honor boundaries, like, yo, I have this rebellious, independent spirit. it. It's like, I don't respect boundaries, but then when I start to really, this is why I say you have to, as much as you can, you have to know the author, you know, you have to know the author, you have to know the intent of the author. This is why the courses are so important. It's like, yo, when you do a book and that's why when I started doing books, I was like, okay, I got to be careful.

37:33I have to offer the course because sometimes when you read the book by itself, you making up stuff or you're not really understanding what I'm saying. Like you really need to, not for the sake of the course, but for the sake of understanding the heart of why I said what I said, so you can get it. And then once you get it, it's like, I got it. I didn't respect boundaries at first. I used to think that, you know, boundaries were limiting, you know, that boundaries were stuffy and boundaries were death, you know, and they didn't enjoy life. They didn't. But then I realized like, no, no, no, Eric, if you are a bird that flies, but there are no boundaries for every free bird.

38:11You are a prey to another bird. And so you need some boundaries because there are other birds out there that eat this particular free living bird. And so it's like, no, no, no, like, no, you need boundaries and not always for others. Sometimes you need boundaries for yourself. So when I used to hear the word, no, I heard my biological father wasn't in my life and he didn't love me and he rejected me, you know? So no was always associated with this person that I dreamed about and heard their voice when I didn't even see him and wanted to be in his presence and wanted him to love me. Whenever I would say no, I would hear that play all over again, the rejection of him not being there.

38:55It was like, no, you need to heal because no is healthy. And then I realized no to you may hurt you, but it's a yes for Didi. It's a yes for the kids. It's a yes for, and I can't always put you and your demands first. So for me, boundaries were difficult in the beginning because I did not, I just didn't see how they were beneficial or how they were godly. But then when I started reading, I was like, oh no, no. When he created, no, he put the waters in the land, he divided the two. No, no. If you ever been to Bermuda, I don't know how that much water doesn't consume that land, but it's some kind of natural boundaries.

39:36You know, when you look at driving, I always notice like, you know, we could die at any moment. You're on a freeway doing some people, 70, some people, 80, you know, or more. And you got a car that's like right there next to you. It's those lines that's keeping us from killing each other. The stop signs and the stoplights, people who run red lights often create danger. People who drink and drive often create dangerous, tragic incidents. So it's like, no, Eric, boundaries are not meant to hurt you. They are actually protecting the blessings. They are actually protecting all of the things that were created and produced.

40:15And without these boundaries, life would be devastating. So I agree. But there's somebody that's listening who you're hearing boundaries and you're like, oh, I need to create some boundaries. But you don't really embrace them and hold them dear to your heart. So you're only going to do them for three months or for six months and then you're going to go back to doing what you were doing before. But once they become, you become boundaries. Once you become loving yourself, then you automatically know when to say no and you know how to say no. And it's fluid because you're not saying it to hurt or hinder, you're saying it's a help.

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42:07Over the years, we've hosted hundreds of couples in our little spaces. we've had so many repeat guests come back and we've created this incredible community not just with our guests but also with the people who help us care for our space whether you've bought properties as an investment or have unused rooms waiting to be shared hosting on Airbnb is a practical and profitable choice and just think about it if you've put a ton of time effort and work into your home someone out there probably would love to experience it while they're traveling so next time you're planning a trip or want to make some extra income from your spaces you should definitely host on Airbnb.

42:43Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. I love that. And I agree. I think you and I are so similar. And I think for so long boundaries felt like almost like a fence, like you're building a fence around yourself, right? Like you're keeping people and things and opportunities out. And what I've come to learn is that boundaries don't keep things and people out of our lives. they keep us in our lives. And that changed everything because it was almost like this juxtaposition of like, I'm building this fence around me and protecting, but then it's like, wait, no, I'm like protecting what's sacred.

43:22And so I agree. I want to know. Say it again for the people in the back. Say it again for the people in the back. Boundaries don't keep things, people or opportunities out of your life. They keep you in your life. And that is the game changer. I need to know my friend, what was it like writing a devotional? Like, like, how does it go? I am someone who has read a devotional of some sort every single night before bed for years and years and years. So talk to me about this process. Cause it's different. Let me tell you why, because this is the first thing I've ever done that I had to include others in to the extent that I normally keep people out.

44:05Yep. You know, and so for me, it was Eric, you cannot pull this off and be a blessing to the world. If you only write from your personality, you know, you know, of course we have the assessment pilot, the flight attendant, the grounds crew and the air traffic control. So I literally brought in one of each that I really looked up to and I admired. And I allowed them to play with my heart and to play with my mind and to play with my ideas, which I don't normally do as a speaker. That's it. Like I come up with my own speech. You know, Diddy can get in there a little bit. You know, CJ says what he says after the fact, you know, but I'm very private.

44:45And when it comes to my story, it's very personal. but on this one, it was like, yo, I have to sit with people who are decisive and I have to sit with people, you know, who are a little bit more patient and paceful. And I have to sit with people who are much more strategic and methodical than I am, you know? So we all sat together daily, you know, and, and I was like, Hey, here's my baby. And they, you know, iteration after iteration, sometimes it looked different than what I was like, I did. I, that's not what, that's not what I meant. That's not what I said. But the one thing that's so rewarding is those few people who've been able to, you know, that focus group that's been able to really go through it.

45:30They've all said, yo, you spoke to the whole of me. And that hasn't always happened with me. There are times where I, you know, I'm energetic and I don't say the whole thing that I I miss words and I don't, you know what I'm saying? So this one, while it didn't feel good to me in the natural, on the back end, you know, mothers, you know, fathers, you know, athletes, preachers, business owners, you know, everyday people like myself, you know, nuns, you know, preachers, like students were like, yo, I've never read something so comprehensive before. Like, how did you decide that? Why did we write right there?

46:09Why did you put that quote? It's like genius. Like I'm really getting into it. I feel like I'm discovering myself as I like most books I read and I study them and I'm learning more about them. It's like, yo, I'm learning about me. Yeah. And so it was different, but definitely I feel like this is the one for the ages. And the fact that it's not just an audio book with it, but it's coaching with it as well. Like imagine being with E.T. 365 days, like, you know, me talking to you directly, you know, and breaking it down. What I meant, what I got from it, what you need to do structurally, not just inspirationally, but strategy.

46:48OK, we're going to meditate. All right. Now is the time to really think it through. OK, now is the time to write. OK, now is the time to apply. And so people are like, yo, the videos that you do online are great. But this is like for me personally, for me, I'm spending 30 minutes a day with you. It's like, yo, after the first 30 days, I couldn't believe that you offered it, but I couldn't believe how I changed my life. A guy just called me yesterday. My 20 year old daughter, she's now doing it. And he showed me the quotes that she's right. He's like, I couldn't get my baby girl to get serious.

47:18but you, the book, God, the spirit that's in it. And so it is just, I must be honest and say, I really feel like I hear, well done thou good and faithful servant. I really feel like God is like, you have grown and some of your healing is showing up in the book. You've written this without some of the insecurities. You've written this without some of the fears. Like you wrote this as a community, you know? And so I'm just so proud of myself that I was able to get past that Eric that was holding me up for so many years and really getting into more of the, you know, ET that the Lord created. Yeah.

47:59And what we have done collectively is marvelous. I wouldn't say it if it was just me, but as a team, what we've done to help others is marvelous. I love that. One thing you said that I love is like your whole self. And I feel like especially when it comes to spirituality and habits and consistency, it's like we kind of box things up. I feel like women are so good at compartmentalizing mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, like all the different aspects of our lives. And a lot of times certain areas are thriving while other areas are suffering. And I feel like our whole world is waking up to like, we need to like treat the whole person, like the whole situation, not just parts of you or the parts that people love of you or the parts of you that you can't heal or whatever.

48:48It's like show up as your whole self. So I just, I love that. I think that's so beautiful. And if I have permission to say, you know, to all the women out there, first of all, thank you. You know, for real, I was predominantly raised, you know, by my grandmothers. and my mother's mother had 14 children, 11 girls. So I had two uncles that were not present in my life. One uncle was, but he was close to my age. My grandmother actually had, I have an aunt that I said, you are a super cousin. Okay, you're younger than me. You're a super cousin, okay? And so I was raised, you know, on both sides. Even my biological father that wasn't in my life, his sister, Cleo, who was named after my grandmother has been there for me, you know, like a mother.

49:33And so I lost both of my grandmothers like 30 days apart about two years ago. So I just want to say, and then having Didi in my life as a high school dropout homeless at 16, women have played such a critical role in my life. But I do want to say thank you. But then I also want to say, you don't know how much time you have on this earth, and you should give some to yourself. And you guys do an amazing job of taking a kid from homeless high school dropout to number one motivational speaker in the world, New York Times bestseller, PhD. Like I feel bad for my wife sometimes because she's done more for me than she's done for herself.

50:12Yeah. Like she coached me into a PhD. Like she helped me to become a multimillionaire. Like I went from living in abandoned buildings to I can't walk in a restaurant without people knowing me. And that's what you guys do. You pour into, you build, you create, you produce for others naturally. but for whatever reason, you don't look after yourself in the same way that you look after your children and the men in your life or the lovers of your life. And I just want to give you permission. You already know you dope. You can look at your fruit and tell you're dope, but sometimes you don't benefit from you in the way others benefit from you.

50:50And it's just not fair. And so it doesn't mean that you stop taking care of people, but it does mean that it's a balance that others, your gifts shall make room for you. That's what it says. It didn't say that your gifts shall make room for millions of others and not make room for you. It says, and your gifts shall make room for you. So it's not fair for you not to benefit from you. And so I just want to say for real, you do owe you and, and you know, you owe you and you know, you owe you every day, but I challenge you to apply what you know and you know, you owe you. And so write the check and cash it.

51:26Write the check to you and cash it. And here's my final encouragement. I'll use that word. It's my final encouragement. And don't feel guilty about it. When you do for you and you benefit from you and you're just as blessed as your spouse or your children or your business, you've blown some company up. Like you have kept the company alive. They would have been in jail had you not done the documentation you did. They would be in jail if you didn't record what you record. if you didn't recall or you didn't push them to charge more or to do more. But now you owe you and you can't feel guilty about cashing the check.

52:04All right. So, again, I love you guys. I have benefited from you guys. My mom was a 17 year old when she got pregnant. No disrespect to my biological father, but he surely didn't step up to the plate and be responsible. I'm where I am because of what my mother did and what my aunties who were like second moms did. And my teachers talk about school. It was 75 percent, 80 percent teachers. It wasn't female teachers. It wasn't male teachers. They may have been the principals or something, but they definitely weren't making our lunches and they weren't driving us to school and they weren't tutoring us and they weren't teaching us how to read.

52:43I didn't really start running into male professors into college. And so you guys have done so much for the world. It really is time for you to do something for yourself. I love it. Where can everybody find you and connect with you? Grab your devotional. Give me all the places. And you know what? What? Can I look it up? Because I know they're going to kill me. Yeah, take a minute. This is the part that I don't do well. This is the part that I don't do well. Okay, they have it here. All right. The next cohort, because we do the book in cohorts, we don't want people doing it by themselves. Yeah. So it's in November and you go to UOUsummit.com.

53:20I'm so glad he sent this to me at seven o 'clock this morning. I didn't know that I would need it. I didn't pay attention to what it was, but it's UOUsummit.com, right? It's a waiting list, but join the waiting list, but don't wait to join the UOU waiting list. You tap into taking care of you, every young lady that's listening today, you take care of you now. But you are you summit.com. You can get on the waiting list. And we start in November, which is weird because it is really October. It seems like that's a long way to go. But I guess we're closer to right around the corner. We're closer than we think.

53:59I love you. I'm so thankful for you. This is amazing. Your spirit, what you're doing for the world. You know, I have people that work for me that absolutely. You're first. I'm like third. So your team keeps reaching out because they're just like, how are you? So it is very real. And we love you. They love you. Yes. I don't know if Katie wants me to say her name, but Katie, I love Katie. Katie absolutely adores you. Oh, I love Katie. You're the best. ET is by far one of my favorite people I've ever been introduced to in this crazy online world. And it's so funny. we became such fast and unexpected friends.

54:41We met at an event two years ago. I ended up going to speak at his event and we've kept in touch like actually really well. He is someone who tells it like it is and who is figuring it out like the rest of us, but who is consistently and consciously leaving those breadcrumbs for all that are following in his wake. And I just, I love him. I love talking to him. I love learning from him. I love hearing about his life. So I hope today's episode was equally inspiring to you. I hope that you consider what habits and boundaries you can bring into your own life to help you move you towards your goals, but also to a more restful and enjoyed life.

55:21Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Gold Digger podcast. If you love today's show, take a minute to make sure you're subscribed, rate it, leave a review. All of those make such a difference for this Gold Digger community and for me and my team. And of course, until next time, gold diggers, keep on digging your biggest goals. Thanks for pulling up a seat for another episode of the gold digger podcast. I hope today's episode filled you with inspiration, gave you information that you can turn into action and realigned you with your true North in life and business. If you've enjoyed today's episode, head on over to gold digger podcast.com for today's show notes, discount codes for our sponsors, freebies to fuel your results, and so much more.

56:03And if you haven't yet, make sure you're subscribed so that you never miss a future show. We'll see you next time, gold diggers.