850: Stop Doing It Alone: How to Create a Circle That Lifts You Up

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2:01We can often think like building this support system means finding new people, but I would argue that building a true support system in a circle does not always mean finding new people. It can also mean nurturing deeper connections with people that are already in your life. I'm Jenna Kutcher, your host of the Gold Digger podcast. I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a$300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven-figure online business that feels even better than it looks, all from my house in small town Minnesota with my family. Here, we value time as our currency.

2:41We mix the woo and the work, and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love. I've always loved turning big goals into reality, and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down. Every week we tackle practical, no-fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired, and empowered.

3:17This is the Gold Digger Podcast. Entrepreneurship, it can feel like a lonely endeavor, but it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe you've hit a huge milestone in your business, but you've looked around and there wasn't anyone there to truly celebrate with. Or maybe you've scrolled through post after post of smiling groups thinking, where do I even start to find my people? Loneliness is a real issue, especially for women entrepreneurs. Our bandwidths are already stretched so thin, juggling a thousand roles, managing our businesses, and trying to maintain the few friendships that we do have. Building new connections can feel like just one more thing on an overflowing to-do list.

3:56But here's the thing I want you to know. You don't have to go it alone. What if the key to thriving in life and business wasn't about doing it all by yourself, but about creating a circle that lifts you up. This group of people who support you, inspire you, and help you grow in ways that you never thought possible. In today's episode, we're talking about how to stop doing it alone, how to build meaningful relationships, find like-minded people, and nurture those connections even when life feels overwhelming. I'll share personal stories like my fangirl moment with my best friend, Amy Porterfield, that turned into a life-changing friendship and give you actionable tips to start forming your own circle of support.

4:34If you've ever felt like you're cheering for everyone else, but nobody's cheering you on, this episode is your reminder to prioritize connection. Because when we surround ourselves with the right people, I promise you incredible things happen. Let's dive on in. Hey, marketers, a quick question. When was the last time you actually enjoyed marketing? If you're feeling overwhelmed juggling content creation, lead generation, campaign tracking, and analytics, let me introduce you to a game changer, HubSpot. HubSpot combines the power of Marketing Hub and Content Hub, and it's all enhanced by Breeze.

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5:53That's hubspot.com forward slash marketers. Over the years, I've done a few different episodes on this topic, and it's not because I'm an expert in it. In fact, I really struggled in having authentic, beautiful connections and friendships as I grew my business, as my career started to take off, as I navigated motherhood and moves and all of the different busy things that life brings us. And I love this topic because I think that so many of us feel overwhelmed. We feel like we can't keep up. Maybe if you're like me, you have a hundred unread text messages that you've been meaning to get back to.

6:32You deeply crave real relationships and friendships, and yet you look around and you don't feel like there are people in your life who truly understand you or why you do what you do. And it's so interesting to me because I feel like entrepreneurship in and of itself is incredibly isolating. It is this experience where a lot of times you are carving your own path in this world, you are doing something unique that people from the outside looking in might not understand. And so when we couple that idea with what a lot of us battle, which is imposter syndrome, a lot of times we just tend to self-isolate.

7:11It feels safer to just stay on our own little island and do the best we can and figure it out all by ourselves. And I know that that is an experience I've had. And it's not just a unique experience for me. I think it's something that a lot of us deal with. And on top of all of that, we're juggling multiple roles. Maybe you're a mom, maybe you're a partner, maybe you are trying to maintain the few friendships you have and adding new friends just feels like more on your to-do list. But I do think that it is so important as we look at this new year, as we think about navigating it, that we really prioritize and make space for real friendships and relationships to have a circle that understands you, that lifts you up, that shows up for you and you show up for them.

7:59And this deep desire for community is something that I think a lot of us have, but we don't necessarily know how to create it. Maybe we see all the people on social media. We're like, how did they find their people? And where are my people? Or maybe you find yourself like me living in a small town where your closest friendships are in different cities. But regardless, I think that having a circle in your life of people who love you, who get you, who show up for you and who support you is incredibly important. Have you ever gone to an event and everyone is just like staying at surface level? Like I have been to so many events and it's always funny because the first few hours, I feel like everyone shows up as their best self, right?

8:46Pretending their life is perfect. Business is great. And maybe you're just standing there like, Hey, I showed up at whatever this event is to get help or to admit that like, I don't have all my crap together or I need support. And I've been in spaces like that where you show up and you're like, am I the only hot mess here? Like, am I the only person who doesn't have this figured out? And it's so funny to me because I've done this at so many different events where I just sit and watch people's interactions where we want to put our best foot forward. For so many of us, we've been taught like show up as your best self.

9:23First impressions are so important. And I agree with all those things. But what's interesting is, is that if one person starts to authentically let other people in, a chain reaction often happens where all of a sudden everyone is cracking open, being more accessible, being more available, being more honest and authentic. And that is where real conversations happen and real friendships are born. And so tip one of five today is that I want you to be cool with leading the way of being authentic, being open to learning. And if you are invited into spaces, whether they are virtual spaces like online communities or online courses, or they're in-person like meetups, I want you to show up and poise yourself as a learner, not as a know-it-all, not someone who has it all figured out and be willing to go deeper.

10:20I mean, I think this is real, not just in business, even in friendships. I was out with some of my local mom friends and it's so funny because at the beginning of our dinner where I was just kind of talking about all the normal things that moms talk about. And by the end, we're talking about marriage and kids and struggles with school and all these different things. And it's like, it takes one person to go first. And so what my dream would be is that our community is filled with people who are willing to go first, who are willing to show up and say, I do not have all the answers. I might've figured out a few things, but I want to be open to learn.

10:55And I also want to be honest with where I'm at. You know, it's funny when I think about my closest friend to this day, Amy Porterfield, You probably know her, love her. Maybe you listen to her podcast. She was a business mentor to me before she even knew who I was or that I existed. And I would tune into her podcast week after week after week, religiously listening to her show. And what's interesting is that I started as a podcast listener. Then I became a student of her work. Then I was showing up to her live Q &As, commenting and engaging with her. And slowly over time, we developed a friendship.

11:35I'm pretty sure I slid into her DMs. And then we ended up meeting in Hawaii and doing a double date years ago. And now she is the person the other day, Drew was walking through the living room and she was talking to me about her nutrition plan. And she was talking about rotisserie chicken. And he looks at me and he goes, what do you two not talk about? And I was like, we literally talk about everything. I mean, every single day we probably send a cumulative number of like 15 minutes of voice memos back and forth to each other. And so what's interesting is, is that we often in this world of like Amazon Prime and overnight delivery, we often think that relationships are the same way.

12:14And when I think of my relationship with Amy, it has been in the making for nearly a decade. And what's beautiful about it is that we weren't always this close. You know, she was literally my mentor for a long time. And so what's interesting is, is that the more that both of us crack open, the more that we're honest and authentic, the deeper our friendship goes. And the more that we're able to have a genuine connection outside of just marketing strategies and business. this podcast is brought to you by mercury banking that helps entrepreneurs do more with their money okay i remember in the early days of my entrepreneurship journey clients would literally mail me checks and then i would have to drive all the way to the bank to deposit them it took me literal years to make things go digital and i am ashamed to admit i still have a filing cabinet with paper contracts because i'm way too afraid to throw them away but that's the beauty of growth, right?

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14:26Shopify also makes it simple to run email and social campaigns so people can find you. And if you ever feel stuck, their award-winning 24-7 support is always available. Turn those dreams into and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your$1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash gold digger. Go to shopify.com slash gold digger, shopify.com slash gold digger. And so my first tip for you is identify someone you admire and it doesn't have to be a mentor or somebody famous or somebody big out there, but identify somebody you admire for whatever it is in their life that you just look at them and you're like, man, they're doing a really good job.

15:12And what I want for you to do is to begin engaging with their content or with them in meaningful ways. Send them some encouragement. Let them know that their work matters. Let them know that you see this piece of their life or their business that you really respect. and just reach out. You know, it's interesting. I can name on my two hands, 10 people who have never met in real life who show up in my comment section. Every time I post on Instagram, I see their names. I know their accounts. I pay attention to the fact that they're there. And so you might think that just showing up in the comment section, is it meaningful?

15:50Trust me when I say it is, these are people that I literally just the other day, I reached out to some of my top commenters that I see their names on all my posts and I just send them a DM just saying, thank you. Like I see you in the comment section. I appreciate you so much. Is there anything I can do for you? And so do not negate the power of just reaching out and engaging with people that you admire and you never know what it can turn into. It might not turn into what mine and Amy's friendship has turned into, but it might turn into something meaningful. Maybe it's a mentorship opportunity.

16:24Maybe there's a possibility that you can work together. Maybe there's just some sort of friendship underneath the surface that you haven't been able to tap into. And so that is tip number one. Next, number two is I want to tell you that I know how easy it is to want to isolate yourself, especially at the beginning of your entrepreneurial journey, especially if you are someone, which I think this might be everyone, who battles imposter syndrome. And I remember clear as day when I first started my photography business. I was an imposter. I felt like an imposter. I remember looking at everyone else's websites, feeling like everybody was competition.

17:08I remember just the scarcity of the entire experience. I couldn't see that there was this room for community in those early days. All I wanted was to figure out how to get out of my full-time job. I was balancing so many different things from training for a marathon to fostering dogs, to starting this business, to working a full-time career. And I just didn't have bandwidth to even see that like, wow, there are other people who are doing this that like I could come alongside of. And so if you are at the beginning, whether you're just starting your business or you have a new idea that you're pursuing, being stuck in the mindset that everyone else is your competition is only going to hold you back from forming relationships with the people in your life and world who actually understand what it is you're doing and why you're doing it.

18:04Listen to this. A 2019 study done by Practical Journal found that every founder surveyed described their experience as lonely with 77 % reporting that running a business negatively impacted their mental health. Now this stat can feel scary. In fact, it just makes me feel sad. But the reality is, is that entrepreneurship is hard. It is not for the faint of heart. And for so many people who are going into it and battling imposter syndrome, that isolation comes along with it. And so my dream is to figure out how can we break that and how can we figure out where this idea of isolation is even coming from?

18:47Because I honestly think that this tendency for us to isolate often stems from fear and comparison. And what I want us to shift to is understanding that if we build a community, it requires this massive shift from going from this scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, but it also requires us to put ourselves out there and to acknowledge that there are other people on a path similar to the one that we're on. And it might not look the same. They might not do things the same. But if we want to be around people who truly understand what we're doing day in and day out, who understand the struggles and the triumphs, who can celebrate our wins and commiserate when things don't go as planned, then we have to start aligning ourselves with other people that are on a similar trajectory and a similar mission.

19:36And so my tip here is this, start by reaching out to just one peer in your industry and opening the door to collaboration or shared experiences. When you can create a friendship and a relationship with somebody who gets it, I promise your world cracks open in one of the most beautiful ways possible. I remember the first few years of my photography business, it was incredibly isolating. I was the one creating the isolation. I was the one building my business on an island. When I started to see that entrepreneurship can be this collaborative experience where we can work together, where we can share clients and give referrals, where we can give tips and insight.

20:15Oh my gosh, it's like my world cracked open and it felt so much less lonely. Even to this day, I'm still a part of different Facebook communities of local photographers and I stay up to date as to what is happening in the industry. But I also see so much beauty in there of people sharing different inquiries and wedding dates of people supporting each other. If there's a crisis or an emergency of people showing up for each other when they need it. And I just feel like entrepreneurship is isolating if you create an isolating experience, but it doesn't have to be that way. Heck, even come inside of our gold digger podcast, insiders, Facebook community.

20:56We have thousands of entrepreneurs and listeners of this show who are there where you can ask questions, where you can create community, where you can get on a Zoom call with somebody and just start building relationships. And so tip number two is we have to focus on the mindset that is likely keeping you stuck and holding you back from forming relationships. And we have to go from seeing everybody else as our competition to understanding that there can be and there is true community waiting for you on the other side of that. Number three is this. It took me a very hot minute when we moved states for me to make new friends.

21:34And I have realized over the last few years, the absolute importance of having people where your home is and having local friends. It makes all the difference in the world. And it's so interesting when I look back because we moved at a really interesting time. So we moved and the day after we moved into our house, so we moved six hours from where we had been for nearly a decade in Wisconsin, back home to Minnesota. And the day after we moved in, I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant with Coco. I was incredibly sick for the first five months of my pregnancy. I had no bandwidth. I struggled with depression for the first time ever in my life.

22:18And I moved back to a place where I hadn't been for a very long time. And so it was interesting moving back near where I was raised, but in a different town where I knew certain people, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to connect and what that would look like. I didn't really have a lot of emotional bandwidth while I was pregnant. And so it took me a long time to figure out how to make friends locally to really see how deep and rich those friendships can become and how much they matter. And it's so interesting to me because it's like I missed out on having some amazing friendships because I wasn't necessarily putting myself out there.

22:59What I think is really interesting is when I look at who my closest friends are in my life. A lot of them have been in my life for years and years and years and years, but a lot of them do not live in Northern Minnesota. And so my closest friendships are with people that are States away. And oftentimes as an introvert, I don't feel lonely. I mean, I can literally stay home for days on end and not feel lonely at all. And maybe it's the nature of working online. Maybe it's the nature that I'm running a company and talking to people on Slack all day. I'm on the internet. But at the same point too, having friends that live locally to you is life-changing.

23:41And so maybe my story doesn't resonate with you. Maybe you have local friends or maybe you haven't really figured out like, where do we actually meet people? But it's interesting when I look back where I'm like, you know, those first few years of motherhood, the people in my life were living far away or it was my family. And that was really all I had the bandwidth for. And now having a local group of friends, it's just so awesome. On Fridays, we get together and do hot yoga. We do meetups. We do playdates. We have birthday parties. It's just so transformative. And so sometimes the best connections happen when you get out of your comfort zone when you say yes to opportunities.

24:27So I wouldn't have met my local group of friends if I hadn't have gone to a school fundraiser. And so there's a fundraiser for Coco School and she started school in the middle of the pandemic. And so gone were all of the opportunities to meet other parents. Literally, it's like the drop-off line where it's really rushed and you're just kind of shoving your kid into their classroom and getting back into your car. And so there wasn't a lot of opportunities to connect with other parents of the children in her class. And so the school had a school fundraiser. Drew and I went, and that was where I really got connected with the group of friends that I still have to this day years later, who is like my core group of friends.

25:07And so it's interesting because I think oftentimes we're quick to say like, where do you even meet people? But there is a good chance that there are awesome community events happening, no matter where you live, whether you live in a big city or a small town like we do, where you can meet people. Over this last year, I joined the local rowing team and I met people I would have never met had I not joined it. I did a community ed class on how to bake sourdough. We started beekeeping and so we had a beekeeper come over to our house to help us in the process. And so we started building a lot of unique relationships with people that we might not have encountered if we didn't necessarily put ourselves out there or kind of put ourselves in the position to create new relationships.

25:50And so my challenge to you is not like, well, where am I going to meet people? Obviously you can meet people at the gym or at church or at the library or at a bar or bingo night or whatever it is, but really putting yourself in the position to meet new people and to be open-minded when you do. And so maybe the goal is that you attend a local event. Maybe it's a school event, community event, a professional event. Put something on your calendar in the next month and go into this experience being willing to strike up a conversation and to meet somebody new. I promise you that there is so much beauty in having local friendships and just putting yourself out there in new ways.

26:33You learn a lot about yourself. You learn a lot about your community. And it's just an amazing way to broaden your circle and have people in your corner who are like the 2 a.m. type friends that can come over at a moment's notice and help support you. And I think deep down, all of us want that. We want those sitcom friendships, but we often don't put ourselves in the position to actually create them and to foster them. Tip number four is this. We want to be seen and understood and feel less alone in our work and in our lives, but we don't realize, or maybe we don't take accountability or ownership in what is our role specifically in having that happen.