853: The Power of Saying No: How to Focus on What Matters Most in Life and Business

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2:01I think for so many of us, especially like people pleasers and yes girls, we're taught that boundaries keep things and people and opportunities out of our lives. But what I've learned time and time again is that boundaries keep us in our lives and what matters the most. I'm Jenna Goodger. your host of the Goal Digger podcast. I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a$300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven figure online business that feels even better than it looks all from my house in small town, Minnesota with my family. Here we value time as our currency.

2:39We mix the woo and the work, and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love. I've always loved turning big goals into reality, and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down. Every week we tackle practical, no-fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired, and empowered.

3:15This is the Gold Digger Podcast. When I think about the incredible people in the Gold Digger community, I am constantly blown away by the way that you're showing up for your dreams while navigating the real, beautiful, messy realities of life. Today's guest, Samantha Gaunt, embodies that perfectly. She's a blended mom of five, a creative entrepreneur, and the founder of Simply Scaling, a business that helps mompreneurs streamline their businesses and align their passions with their monthly cycles for a strategic edge. Like how amazing is that? Sam reached out to me in the Gold Digger Podcast Insiders Facebook group with a challenge I know so many of us face.

3:54How do we prioritize intentional growth while protecting our energy? With so many opportunities calling your name, how do you decide where to focus? How do you shift from doing it all to doing what matters most without losing yourself in the process? In today's coaching session, we explore Sam's journey as a multi-passionate mompreneur and unpack the importance of saying no to good opportunities to say yes to the great ones. We dive into how to identify what truly moves a needle in your business, align your work to your personal values and create boundaries that honor your energy. We also ask some tough questions in terms of success and what it really looks like in this stage and season of life and talk about some of the harder things women entrepreneurs face often in isolation.

4:37Needless to say, you're going to feel a lot less alone after listening to this one. So whether you're a mompreneur, a multi-passionate creative, or just someone trying to balance ambition with peace, this episode is packed with insights that you can start applying today. Let's dive on in and map out a plan for Sam and maybe even one for you too. I am so excited to welcome the incredible Sam today to the Gold Digger podcast. Welcome to the podcast, Sam. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Yes. Okay. So we're going to do a coaching episode today and you've prepared some awesome questions for me.

5:11And so before we dive into the coaching portion, just tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do and where you're at in your business. And then we can dive into the questions you've prepared. Sure. So I'm Sam. I am a mom of five and a virtual assistant, currently aspiring coach. I have worked with many women entrepreneurs and their businesses and getting the strategies to streamline them and run them efficiently so that they can have more time for themselves and their families. And kind of along the way, I noticed that sometimes me personally and my women clients would hit these walls, right?

5:48And so sometimes they would just fall off the face of the earth, they would not respond to my, you know, inquiries and things like that. And then other times they would be to the moon with ideas and creativity, and we're going to go with this. And, and so I kind of started to collect all of this information through my VA work and realized that a lot of this can be just cycle synced, basically. So a lot of this can be just wrapped up into our cycles, our menstrual cycles. So our energy levels just ebb and flow throughout the month. And so I realized that being able to sync our cycles to our business tasks was going to be the game changer.

6:24And so I started to do a lot of deep dive research in my own life and planning accordingly. And then I have moved to helping my women business owners to do the same. Oh my gosh. Okay. I love this. We've done a few different episodes about this on the podcast. I think it is such a powerful tool. And I also think it's very empowering as a woman to kind of shift the way that we look at our cycles and just the way that our energy ebbs and flows throughout the month. So I just think what you do is so amazing. And I also think it is very needed. So let's dive on in to some of the questions you have.

7:03And as always, I always say this, but as we're going through these responses, I want you to put everything through the SAM lens in terms of what resonates, what feels aligned. I'm going to do my best to give you some great answers, but I also just want to preface this in saying, you have to put everything through what makes most sense for you. So hit me with your first question and then we'll kind of go from there. Yeah. So my first question is as a multi-passionate entrepreneur myself, I often find myself pulled toward several exciting opportunities at once. And so my question to you is how do you intentionally decide which pocket of your business or your life to go deep with, especially when they all feel equally important or aligned with your goals?

7:45Yes. Okay. So I feel like so many people in my community, we are having zero shortage on ideas, right? Like we are idea generators. We get really excited about new ideas. I'm sure everybody listening has somebody in their life who's like just an idea generator. They're onto the next thing. They're excited about the next thing. You literally can't keep up. And I feel like that is something that is a superpower for a lot of us, but it can also be a huge frustration in figuring out one, how do I prioritize things? But two, how do I follow through? Because a lot of times idea generators are really good at the initial idea, but they struggle with the follow through.

8:27Would you put yourself in that camp? Definitely. Okay. I think that's so normal. I think so many of us. And so one of the things that I try to do is when everything feels important or exciting to me, I try to filter my decisions through two main buckets and the main buckets are impact and alignment. And so I want to figure out first, what is going to move the needle the most right now? Like what is actually going to get me a return or give me results? And then two, what feels most aligned with my core values or what I'm saying is most important? And so I feel like impact and alignment are two really great buckets, especially for more intuitive women.

9:08And I feel like knowing the work that you're doing and just how you're kind of understanding women and our bodies and our flows, I feel like these two buckets are going to to be really impactful for you because you get to see, okay, what is actually going to move me forward and get me results, but also like what is most aligned with what I say matters and what I'm going after. And so I feel like when we get so many ideas, we have to pick either the one that we're going to get the fastest results on. And so for some people, if you are good at generating the ideas, but you struggle with actually taking any sort of action on them, I always say, pick the thing that is like the lowest hanging fruit, like the easiest win that you could get so that you see yourself as somebody who can actually follow through and you can build that consistency muscle that is only built through doing the reps.

10:00Or you want to pick the thing that you know is going to be most sustained in terms of your passion. And so something where you're like, I know without a shadow of a doubt a year from now, I'm still going to care about this thing. it matters that much to me. And so I feel like when we have so many ideas, it's amazing, but it can also be really paralyzing. And so looking at impact and alignment, and then looking at, do I want a quick win or do I want more of a sustained effort that helps me kind of figure out where to go. But one thing that I've gotten really good at in my business is doing one thing really well, and then systemizing and automating and figuring out like how to make this the easiest lift possible before I add on another thing.

10:46And knowing what your skill set is and seeing how you are big on systems and streamlining and helping people do that, I feel like you can probably do the same things that you're doing in your clients' lives in your own life and in your own business. Does that resonate? Oh yeah, for sure. It's always easier for someone else than to do it in my own. Oh, totally. I mean, even things as like organizing your bathroom drawer. Like if you're doing it yourself, you have those emotional connections or you remember how much you spent on that one concealer or whatever it is. And it's so funny because it's so much easier to go into someone else's bathroom drawer and be like, this is junk or this is gone or throw this away or you don't use this.

11:24Right. And so I agree that maybe sometimes we need to like hold the mirror up to ourselves and be like, okay, what would I do if I were consulting myself in this business? And I bet that you'll start to kind of uncover places that you can either systemize or streamline your processes to give you more time to work on the ideas. Oh yeah. I love that. This podcast is brought to you by Mercury, banking that helps entrepreneurs do more with their money. Okay. I remember in the early days of my entrepreneurship journey, clients would literally mail me checks and then I would have to drive all the way to the bank to deposit them.

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13:35That's bowlandbranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch.com slash gold digger to save 20 % and unlock free shipping. Exclusions apply. Okay. What's your next question? So one of the things that I hear from my clients, and once again, I feel myself, is the pressure to do it all or be everything to everyone, especially as a wife and a mom. So how do you personally set your boundaries and let go of the guilt while still showing up as a leader, a wife, mom, and for yourself? Okay. I love this question so much, Sam. And I feel like I have had to get so clear on what my boundaries are and get very confident at enforcing them.

14:19And I'll never forget my therapist said that boundaries are what protect what's sacred to you? And I feel like when she positioned it in that way of really thinking about like, what is in my inner circle, what matters the most, and how do I kind of build the walls around those things that just protect what is most sacred? It kind of shifted the idea. And I said this in my book, but I think for so many of us, especially like people pleasers and yes girls, we're taught that boundaries keep things and people and opportunities out of our lives. But what I've learn time and time again is that boundaries keep us in our lives and what matters the most.

14:55And so for me, I often think of boundaries almost like the bumpers. I mean, you're a mom, you have kids. I think of like when you go bowling and you put the bumpers up so that the ball stays going down the lane and it actually hits the pins down. Boundaries are like the bumpers in my life that keep me in alignment. And so for me, I've had to think of where do I need bumpers in terms of where am I prone to overcommit or say yes when it should be a no. And so an example of this would be like, oftentimes I'll get emails inviting me to like amazing events, right? Like I am so lucky to get invited to go places.

15:32I don't like going places. I love being home. And so when I'm in my inbox and somebody is inviting me, you know, to go to the mountains of Colorado, of course I'm like, oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. But when it comes down to it, getting on the airplane, doing the layover, being away from my family, all these different things, I end up hating it. And so I've had to really pay attention to what felt aligned, but ended up not being in alignment. And then how do I create bumpers around those things? And so I have literally had to sit down and create templated responses that help me kindly and with grace turn down amazing opportunities and projects and invitations.

16:10And so that has helped me so much because if I were left to my own devices, I would say yes to everything and everyone because I want to make people happy, right? I want to make people feel loved. And so learning how to put up the bumpers in my life of where I'm prone to overcommit has been huge. And then second, learning how to communicate it in a way that lets people know this is not a reflection of you, your business, your opportunity, your project, anything like that. This is only a reflection of me and what matters most to me. And so changing the language instead of just saying like, no, I can't come to your party, but like, Hey, I told my kids that I'm going to be with them on Saturday.

16:50And if I say yes to this, then I'm out of alignment with what I said to my kids that helps somebody be let down easy and recognize and not let them go on that emotional rollercoaster of like, mad at me. Does she not like me, what happened here? And so I feel like the communication of the boundaries is the biggest key of being able to enforce them, but also being able to be respected with them. And one thing that I found is that every time I share those types of boundaries, people are inspired to renegotiate what their boundaries are or rethink about what their own. So here's a quick example, but one of my good friends recently had a book launch event and she really wanted me to come speak at it.

17:31And I was like, girl, I'm not getting on an airplane. I love you so much. I'm so excited for your book. How else can I support? And then she's like, okay, can you come on a live stream on a Saturday afternoon? And I was like, Saturdays, we always go to brunch and we go paint at this little cafe. I am so sorry. If I say yes to this, I'm going to be dreading it all day long and it's not going to be good for either of us. And so then I ended up pre-recording a video and sending it to her to use for her book launch event on a Saturday. And at the end of the day, she said, you're doing the right thing.

18:00Like you will never get this time back with your kids. And it was just one of those experiences where it's like my heart broke of like, I don't want her to think I'm not supporting her. I love her and I'm so excited for her, but this is just out of alignment with what I've committed to. Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That feels deep. Yeah. What is your biggest struggle when it comes to setting boundaries? Like where do you feel like you overcommit too much? I feel like I, I mean, honestly, everywhere, I feel like I overcommit everywhere. I overcommit to my work. And I think that I have more time in the day than I do.

18:37I overcommit to my kids, you know, and they always say it was pretty hurtful when I had to explain, you know, they would say, Oh, you lied. You said we were going to do this. And I was like, well, I didn't lie, but I overcommit it. I plans changed. Right. And so, so now it's, it's been kind of a funny thing in our house. Like, Oh, I guess plans changed again, you know? And so it's like, it hurts pretty deep. So I'm like, okay, like I'm over committing to them, but I want them to be the last people that I overcommit to. Does that make sense? And so, yeah. So, and with five of them, it's hard not asking for parenting advice.

19:10Imagine I have zero parenting advice. You are doing so much more than I am. And like, that is, I mean, when you really think of the logistics of five children, my mind is literally blown. So I totally understand that. And I think too, when it comes to things like that and with boundaries, I even had a moment the other day, Coco's school was canceled because it's so cold here in Minnesota. And I was trying to get work done and I was half in on work, half in with her. And she had this moment of like, you're not even looking at me. And I was like, oh my God. And I like shut my computer, set my phone down.

19:43And I was like, you are so right. I wasn't paying attention to you. I am so sorry. What were you trying to tell me? And I feel like so much of the guilt creeps in when we're half in on everything, right? And so part of the boundaries I think is doing your best. And again, this is meant to be flexible because we're parents and parenting requires a lot of flexibility, but doing your best to create space and time where you can be all in on your work and you're not thinking about parenting and all in on your parenting and you're not thinking about work. And I think that that whole mom guilt idea sneaks in when we're half in on everything.

20:17And we feel like we're not actually accomplishing anything. And so it's like, how can you create boundaries that give you a little bit more of that focus time? Because we know we can get a crap ton done, whether it's during nap time or quiet time or whatever that is. And so figuring out like, what does that look like? It can be so hard though. So hard. Yeah. Yeah. That like what you said there, like I do it all. And I do almost like a mediocre job at everything when I do need to like shift that to do one thing at a time fully all in. So yeah, no, that's a good shift. I love that. Okay. Give me your next question.

20:51Okay. So my next question is, so with my cycle syncing, I know that I have something unique to share about cycle syncing for entrepreneurial women and moms, but stepping into the role of thought leader feels intimidating at times, mostly because I am quite an introvert at heart. And so the other thing is with social media at play, it's such a huge one. And being an introvert, I don't love being on social media. So my question is, what steps would you recommend for building the authority and confidence in such a niche space? Yeah. So it's funny because it might feel niche, but I would argue that it is not niche at all in a beautiful way of like so many people could benefit from this.

21:33And so I think a lot of times too, we can trick ourselves into thinking like this is so hyper specific, but when you really open it up for people who menstruate, they can benefit from this. Right. And so that's a very good chunk of our population. And so I agree. I think sometimes people get surprised, but I am extremely introverted. And so I actually don't love social media either. And it is like, I have to push myself to show up on there, but I would say figure out ways that showing up doesn't feel super intimidating or that you can show up consistently. So one thing I've been doing that's been working really well for Instagram is posting those carousels that kind of tell a story.

22:17So as you scroll through each slide, the story continues to build. And so taking what used to be in a caption and putting it into a carousel where the story is growing with each slide, that's been a really easy, accessible way to get a point across and to make an impact through social without having to hold my phone up in front of my face and talk into my camera. And so sometimes I think it's just that we have to get a little bit more creative as to what can we commit to doing that isn't super, super intimidating for us. And then also how can we challenge ourselves a bit to step out of our comfort zone?

22:53And one thing that I think would be really interesting for you is that if you are feeling like an imposter or just kind of struggling with like stepping into that thought leader position is as you're working with people, collect their stories and ask if you could share their stories and their experiences. Because one thing that I think helps bolster up our confidence is knowing that, Hey, this doesn't just work for me. It can also work for other people. And testimonials are basically like having people be walking billboards for us and an excuse for us to talk about our own work without using our own words to describe it.

23:28And so I think there are a lot of interesting ways. I think you could do some really interesting things inside of Canva and making graphics that help illustrate the different areas of our cycle or the different ways you might be feeling. One of my friends who is a past guest on this show, her name is Erin Claire Jones, and she is big on human design. And one thing that she does really well with her social is she'll just call out a certain design type and then she'll give advice on it. And so you could even say like, you might be in your luteal phase if, and then have a bulleted list so that people could qualify themselves and be like, oh, I understand that a little bit better.

24:06And so I think that there are different ways that you can make social media accessible. I think there are different ways that you can make showing up a little bit easier. But the last piece would be is when you look at your business model, how big is speaking to the masses and how much does that mean to you versus working and going deeper with certain people? And so I think a lot of times we look at social and we're like, I've got to reach everybody. I've got to go really big and cast a wide net. But in reality, a lot of our businesses can run with a certain amount of clients. I had a huge realization when I was a wedding photographer of like, I don't need every single engaged couple in the state of Wisconsin to want to choose me.

24:49I literally need 20 people to work with. And that just really shifted one, how I showed up online and how I spoke, but to how I was able to go deeper with those people versus trying to go super wide on the internet. Yeah, that's good. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. So I think I do, I think I am kind of like on that, you know, border of like, do I want to go? Am I trying to be this big thing? Or yeah, do I need to just step back and go deeper? Yeah. And I think too, that will reveal itself to you as you start doing more of this specific work. Like I think a lot of times we try to scale too fast.