855: Why You Need to Separate Your Self-Worth From Your Success

0:00Imagine this. It's 30 days from now and your podcast is live. Your voice is out in the world and you're building an audience that chooses to tune in every week. That's not just possible. It's waiting for you inside of the podcast lab and enrollment is officially open at teachmetopodcast.com. This is my step-by-step program that walks you through how to plan, produce, publish, promote, and profit from your show, even if you're starting from scratch. Whether you've got a big brand, a small business, or just a powerful story to tell, your podcast could become the most impactful part of your week and your most scalable content channel yet.

0:39So if you've been waiting for a sign, this is it. Go to teachmetopodcast.com to enroll in the podcast lab today. You can get started for as little as$39 today. Let's make your podcast dream real at teachmetopodcast.com. That's teachmetopodcast.com.

1:02Introducing your new Dell PC powered by the Intel Core Ultra Processor. It helps you handle a lot, even when your holiday to-do list gets to be a lot. Because it's built with an all-day battery, plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease, from editing images, to drafting emails, to summarizing large documents, to multitasking. So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things and plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians, and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet.

1:39Luckily, you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster so you can get it all done. That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel Inside, backed by Dell's price match guarantee. Get yours today at dell.com slash deals. Terms and conditions apply. See dell.com for details.

2:01And I think what changed for me after I came out of that darkness is I started kind of like clapping for myself, putting myself up on a pedestal and being like, wow, for myself. I didn't need anybody else to applaud for me. I'm Jenna Kutcher, your host of the Gold Digger podcast. I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a$300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven-figure online business that feels even better than it looks all from my house in small town Minnesota with my family. Here, we value time as our currency. We mix the woo and the work and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love.

2:46I've always loved turning big goals into reality, and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down. Every week we tackle practical, no-fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired, and empowered. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. Have you ever achieved a major milestone in your career only to find yourself wondering, okay, what's next?

3:26It's an odd feeling, isn't it? That mix of pride and joy, and maybe a little fear about where to go from here. Today's guest, Ozzy Jazastani, knows this feeling all too well. With nearly two decades in the events industry, Ozzy went from planning unforgettable celebrations to running her own venue, Mason Principle. She scaled and sold that business, a massive achievement that any entrepreneur would dream of. But what came next wasn't just a victory lap. It was a brave step into reinvention. Now Ozzy is a founder of The Sweet Table Shop. It's a beautifully curated product line for event professionals and party lovers.

4:03Her story is one of resilience, creativity, breakdowns and breakthroughs, and constantly evolving to embrace new opportunities. It's a story about the comeback after the win, the surprising challenges that arise after reaching a peak, and the courage that it takes for us to build again. In our conversation, we discuss how Ozzy navigated this journey, her insights on staying true to your vision while reinventing yourself, and the lessons she's learned about resilience and renewal. Ozzy, welcome to the Entrepreneurs are often laser focused on achieving really big goals, but we don't talk enough about the unexpected feelings that can come with reaching them.

4:45So Ozzy, in your experience, what do you think we get wrong about goal setting and achievement? Yeah, great question. And I think it's something that we very rarely discuss. You know, as entrepreneurs, we're always chasing big goals. We very rarely talk about, kind of what happens once you reach those goals. I know for me, it was just, it hit me so much harder than I had ever expected. You know, I had this business that was so tied up to my identity that when I sold it, I was like, instead of being met with excitement, I was just, I felt sick. I felt lost. Like, what am I going to do next? Like, who am I now?

5:26And I think for me, that was the The thing that I learned is that the most important thing for me was moving forward to create some distance between like who I am and what I do, you know? And I think that if you don't do that, you're very much going to be met with this feeling of like, I am a nobody now. And it's, it's terrible feeling. And everybody else is like, you should be so excited. And you even feel like I was supposed to be excited. And I think throughout this, for me, when I was selling my business, like the process leading up to the sale, I felt really just proud of myself. And I was like, yeah, girl, like you did this.

6:04And then closer we got to the day where we were actually going to finally sign, the more I started feeling like kind of removed from the experience and everyone around me continued being really excited. And I started feeling sick. And then, you know, I would go for long drives. And I remember like there'd be moments where I'd be blasting like my favorite song and really feeling myself like, yes, I've done this. I'm amazing. And then before the end of the song, I'd be bawling, you know? So I just, I was not prepared for kind of that emotional rollercoaster. And I think it's so important to discuss it, you know, like achieving those big milestones, whatever they are in your business, it's important, but also preparing yourself for like that emotional shift that comes afterward.

6:52I think it's so, so, so important. We got to do it. we gotta talk yes we gotta prepare ourselves yeah it's really interesting because i'll never forget interviewing my friend nasia lucan gold medal gymnast and she came on the podcast and she was just talking about like what do you do when you feel like your life's work is behind you or like the best thing that you've ever done is already done right and it's so interesting because it's like as humans and entrepreneurs we're always reaching we're always striving and i think that's just the human tendency. Like it's good that we want to keep doing more.

7:29Right. But I do think that it's a very unique thing because to the outward world, it's like you did it, you made it all of the wonderful things, which it is all of those things. But at the same point too, when your identity is wrapped up in something, which for so many entrepreneurs, our identities are wrapped up in what we do as a business owner, there is something really peculiar that happens when you've achieved the thing. Have you ever had it happen, Ozzy? I know it's happened for me many different times where I set this audacious goal and I finally reach it and I get there and I'm like, is this it?

8:08Is this what I was after? Is this the thing? And I think I realized over and over again that I wasn't setting the right goals in the first place, but has that happened to you? Yes, I think that's what it is. Look, I, I grew up in an environment where I needed to work from a very young age, okay, I needed to help with my family. So my situation may be a little bit different than some other people. But I had always set these impossible goals for myself, because I had to, I didn't really have any other choice, I was going to go out there and I was going to make, you know, everybody's situation different.

8:46And as I was kind of climbing through, you know, going through my career and all, you know, what I had achieved as I kept achieving for me, it was like, OK, bigger, I need bigger. So I was never satisfied. And then when I came to this last business that I sold, you know, going back to who I was as a kid, impossible to even think that one day I would be here. I was upset with myself. Like what is going to make you happy because it's not this, you know, and it wasn't. And that's where everything kind of shifted for me. Things started really changing when I realized you're right. The goals that I was setting, they were wrong.

9:25They were the wrong thing. I was chasing the wrong stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's a painful realization that I think happens more often than not. And I think it also puts us in a really isolated position because we've set these goals and we've achieved them and yet we feel lonely in them. And how dare you express that when you're doing these things that look so beautiful to the outward world, right? Like you would feel ungrateful to even express a hint of what you might be feeling. And I think that that can be a very isolating experience that women typically walk through alone, especially women entrepreneurs.

10:05One thing that I think is interesting is that we've kind of touched on it, but I want to go deeper is that I think sometimes success can feel like a loss. And so what has that taught you for you about this idea of identity and reinvention? Right. So like we said, Like we often tie our identity so closely to our businesses that of course, once we reach these big milestones that we've set for ourselves, in my case, selling my business, of course, I'm going to be met with that sense of loss. I just lost who am I now moving forward? And so that loss, I mean, it's difficult. I'm sure for every single person it's different, you know, but what happened to me is like rather than feeling excited, and happy and looking forward to the future, even forget about the future moment, being excited in that moment and celebrating.

11:01I locked myself up in my room and closed myself off from everybody, my family, everybody, and just kind of sat in that for so long. And I just wasn't prepared. And I think in talking about the fact that achieving milestones can very much feel like a loss. I think that we can help others, even just even if we can't help them through the darkness, because I personally needed to just process it and go through it myself. I think even just knowing other people do feel that way and there's not something wrong with you is so important. you know. Yeah. What got you out of that? Because I think that no matter where you are in your entrepreneurial journey, there are going to be those seasons where you do isolate, right?

11:53Whether it's you're isolating for creativity or you're isolating after a failure or you're isolating out of fear. And I think that, you know, when I look back on my own journey, my first few years of entrepreneurship were insanely lonely. And I think a lot of that was stemming from scarcity. Like I felt like an imposter and I also just felt like everyone was my competition and there was no room for anything. And so how did you kind of work yourself out of that or did anything work or was it just time? Like, what do you think it was? Yeah. So honestly, I allowed myself the time to process it. I was lucky enough that I had a partner who, you know, kind of understood pretty early on after that I needed to be left alone.

12:42And, you know, I, as a mom, I have a little boy. He was what he was four and a half when I sold business, he needed me. So I couldn't just keep myself isolated very, you know, all day, every day, which is what I wanted to do. But I would allow myself to kind of when he did go off to school, I'd kind of fall apart. And then right before picking him up, I'd go dress up, put some makeup on, look like I was his happy mom and kind of get through the evening. And then when he went to sleep, find myself back in that darkness. I allowed myself processing time. I stopped putting pressure on myself to wake up and feel great.

13:22You know, I was like, OK, this is just this is what's happening. don't let people tell you no you know you what you're supposed to feel good you know what I don't feel good so it was just that it was really just giving myself the time and then it kind of just clicked one day you know I think we can't tell anybody how long I'm going to take them but when the worst of it is you know behind you you do kind of there is a shift and it just kind of happens and you start feeling a little bit better and you know you want to come out of your room a little bit more and then you start you know wanting to engage again with people and one thing that I will say for a very long time I kept looking back I would watch the business and I would obsess over what they were doing wrong or you know just feeling so terrible just even seeing them succeed without me like yeah yeah all apart with us and it was doing great and moving on.

14:22And that was hard. But looking back and constantly watching was something that I needed to stop doing. It's not to say that I don't. And I do. I find myself kind of looking at you. Of course you do. It was such a huge part of me. It was my baby. I'm going to watch it. A lot less. Right. And as time went on, I just kind of felt more and more disconnected from it. And it became this amazing thing that I did rather than this. I don't know. It just felt like this milestone that I wish I had never met. I wish I had never sold it. So it went from that kind of negative outlook to a positive. Wow, I did that.

15:03You know, that's why they're able to, you know, continue doing great because I built this beautiful, amazing thing. And I need to be, you know, proud of myself for that. it's so interesting when I think about like identity and entrepreneurship. And I feel like I've been thinking about it a lot more lately. There's definitely a stage in my life. And even on this podcast where I would have said, everybody needs to have a personal brand. Of course, a personal brand is the way to do it. And I definitely question that so much now where you recognize like when you have something that is more personal, whether or not it's a personal brand because yours wasn't and it still was deeply intertwined into who you were, it really helps you to see where the lines can get blurred, right?

15:50Like where one thing stops and the human journey starts. And I do think we should touch on this idea of identity because there are certain founders who like they grow the business and they have no problem letting it go, right? Like for them, it is like, take it away. I don't want to do this. But I do think too, that women have such a much more intimate experience in the building because we have our hands in every little decision, every nuance, every color, every font, like we obsess over those things. And there's a reason behind each thing. And so as you kind of navigate out of the sale of a business, would you do things differently in terms of finding your identity in your idea or your business?

16:37What have you learned from that? This podcast is brought to you by Mercury, banking that helps entrepreneurs do more with their money. Okay. I remember in the early days of my entrepreneurship journey, clients would literally mail me checks and then I would have to drive all the way to the bank to deposit them. It took me literal years to make things go digital. And I am ashamed to admit, I still have a filing cabinet with paper contracts because I'm way too afraid to throw them away. But that's the beauty of growth, right? You learn what systems serve you and which ones hold you back. Mercury is one of those systems that just works.

17:14Where traditional banking websites and apps are clunky and hard to use, Mercury is meticulously designed to make doing just about anything with your money feel effortless. And the best part is it flexes to fit all types of businesses. Ready to see what powerful banking can do for your business? Visit mercury.com to apply in minutes. Mercury is a financial technology company, not a bank. For important details, check the show notes. When we were young, we dreamed of castles and fairy tales. And as we grow up, those dreams might shift into building something real, like starting a business. You need a website, payment systems, a logo, and a way to reach customers.

17:54It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but thankfully that's where today's sponsor Shopify comes in. Shopify powers millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all U.S. e-commerce from big brands to folks just getting started. They offer beautiful ready-to-go website templates so you don't need design skills to look professional. Their AI tools help with product images, descriptions, discount codes, and more. Shopify also makes it simple to run email and social campaigns so people can find you. And if you ever feel stuck, their award-winning 24-7 support is always available. Turn those dreams into...

18:32And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your$1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash gold digger. Go to shopify.com slash gold digger. Shopify.com slash gold digger. Well, what you said about some entrepreneurs have very easy time. They actually build their businesses with the idea that they're going to let it go. Yeah. When the time comes. My husband is that. That defines him to 100%. That's who he is. And so he was like, of course, this is the time to sell the business. It's the right time. Let's go. And we've done that in our relationship. We've struggled even when it came to real estate.

19:16Our home, for example. Oh, it's time to sell. We've got a great offer. It's time to go. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, no, I'm emotionally attached to all of this stuff. And yeah, exactly that. So I think for me, the thing that I've learned, I feel like I just said that before, is that distance that I now put between myself and the businesses and projects that I am part of. I'm kind of going into it knowing that nothing is forever and that everything has a period and I'm OK with that now. Right. And I've built, I have a new business now and I've built it in that way. I don't think that it's fair to say that we're not going to have a piece of our identity attached to the businesses that we build.

19:57It's not really possible. Then the business wouldn't be what it is if I was attached to it in some way, if I didn't bring my identity into that. Right. But the way that I felt the business was who I actually am and without it, I am nobody. That's just not something that I'm going to allow myself to do ever again. Yes. Yes. I think it's such a powerful point. And I think anybody listening can benefit from this. And I was even just recently talking to my therapist about this because Drew and I have always really done a good job of separating my work from our life. Like we don't even talk about work.

20:35He couldn't even tell you what I'm working on or what I'm launching. And it's just always been how I've wanted it to be so that when I'm in my life, I'm just in my life. And I was talking to my therapist about that because I'm like, sometimes that's a disservice because he has no idea, you know, the things I'm encountering on a daily basis or what I'm, you know, thinking about at three in the morning. But she was saying something that I think is powerful for all of us. And it was, she said, you always have the opportunity to renegotiate what that looks like. And I think that that thought right there is so powerful for anybody listening is what is your relationship in terms of your identity and its entwinement with whatever it is that you're working on?

21:15And does a renegotiation need to take place? Like, is that a piece of you or an idea from you? Or is that all of you? And if it's all of you, I think we both, right, Ozzy, we would say there needs to be some separation. And I know for me, there was definitely a time in my life as my career was going, I was so open where it's like everything was on the table, right? What I ate for breakfast, what I chose to dress my kids. It was all a part of everything. And I have renegotiated so many times as to like, where does the business end and the person begin? And your experience to me is this beautiful and heartbreaking illustration of what that looks like for so many of us to let go of something that was so much of who we were and who we are.

22:05Right. And also to that, and I have, I used to be very much an open book. Yeah. I kind of started, you know, as a planner, and in one city, and then kind of grew and changed as an entrepreneur throughout, you know, nearly two decades, as a planner and just an industry professional. And people watched all of those, you know, iterations. 100 % and they almost felt like they were part of it which is nice and it was great but after I sold the business I decided that you know privacy was protection and even if that was just like for my own mental state like people had no idea what I had gone through I remember I had moved away from the city after I sold business and I remember going back to the city after a while and oh, that was hard because everything.

22:59And then when I was back, I remember meeting with people and they were just like, oh man, like what you did was incredible. Like you're a legend in the industry. And I just thought to myself, these people have no idea, you know, the struggle that I've kind of been through in the last few months. And I was okay with that because I just decided this next chapter was going to look very different. I was going to be very present in my son's life. I didn't want to share my home and my family life anymore in the way that I did. And it's worked for me, you know, new business because I've started it in that way.

23:32I very much feel like my business is separate from who I am. So personal brand, not in the way that maybe you would think of it is kind of what it's very much like if you do know me, if you have watched me over the last, you know, almost two decades, you'd know that like, for example, I love dessert tables. I like to style sort of things. And so of course it makes sense that I did that. But if you're coming in and you're only getting to know me now, you have no idea. You're just like, oh, this company exists. Who's really behind it. It's great, whatever, but there is no, and I'm not sure if that's the right thing or not, but it's what I've decided works for me.

24:05Yeah. I mean, I think that that's the beauty of it is that we get to constantly renegotiate it. And I just, ever since she brought that term into my life, I'm like, we can renegotiate anything. interest rates. We can renegotiate relationships, household duties. Like it just is beautiful because I often feel like we can almost create businesses that feel like fixed or stuck. And it's not true that that is the freedom of entrepreneurship. And I feel like even you taking your experiences and being like, okay, what do I want to carry forward? And how do I want to do this, I feel like that is the valuable lesson that we get to earn as entrepreneurs.

24:48So I love that. One thing that I'm curious about is like, as you've kind of come out of this and you're starting new things and you're kind of thinking about that, how do you maintain alignment? Like, how do you make sure that you don't get off track or you don't make decisions that leave you in that really dark place? Like, is there anything that you've been doing or practice or a way that you've kind of changed how you're looking at the goals you're setting to just make sure that you're checking in and that it's in alignment for you? Well, I think that anyone who wants to be an entrepreneur who decides to go that route has a bit of an obsessive kind of personality, right?

25:27We don't have that in common. So for me, it was that I realized I wanted to be a very present mom. And I had never, before having my son, I'd never imagined my life as a kid. I was always kind of like, oh no, I'm going to be a businesswoman. And from a very young age, I was like, I'm going to, you know, go, I'm going to be working all the time. I never saw myself as being a mom. And then when I got pregnant and I had my son, everything changed, but I knew that I wanted that to be a priority, you know, being present and in the event industry, that's just not, it wasn't possible, right? I gave birth five weeks later, I was back to work.

26:04I brought in my father. He was my babysitter because I wanted to be able to leave him with someone that I really trusted. And I knew I'd be leaving. I'd pump, you know, leave it in the fridge, go at five o 'clock in the morning, come back at two, three o 'clock in the morning sometimes. And this was over and over and over again. And I just, I knew, and that was one of the reasons why I ended up deciding to sell to begin with at all. But it was, I knew that work was always going to be a part of my life. But I guess I left that, you know, at any cost kind of mindset behind. And I started prioritizing myself, my time and what I know.

26:47It was non-negotiable for me. So that's how I kind of moved forward. And my biggest takeaway from the whole thing is like, I'm still going to be the obsessed person that I am in any business. when he's home, I'm putting things away. You know what I mean? If my husband wants to, you know, chat about something, I'm putting my phone down. And it's just not like that. And I actually have videos. I have this one video and I saved it as a favorite and I watch it often. And it's me. I don't remember what the conversation on the other end is, but we're at breakfast. I have this baby sitting in a high chair, my husband videotaping me to kind of show me afterwards, me not even realizing that he's doing it.