885: Saturn Returns, Soul Lessons, and the Truth About Growing Up with the Hosts of Almost 30

26:26And so what would you say to help somebody really like establish what is the difference between a needed change versus like a pattern that might need to be overcome or like self-sabotage or like a limiting belief? Like, do you guys have any answers on that? because I feel like I still deal with that to this day. I know, same. I think when I think about that overall question, you know, like, is this me? Is this not a fit type of thing? I remember being in my marriage, you know, at the end of my relationship and wondering that same thing. I'm like, is this normal hard? Like, am I just not meeting the lessons and sort of the conversations?

27:02Am I not approaching this in the right way? Or is this not a fit? And a lot of people can think about that for career or entrepreneurship or friendships. Like, what is the normal amount of effort we should be putting into things and trying? Where's my limiting beliefs coming in? Where am I self-sabotaging? And I think we can approach things with such consciousness and reverence and really taking self-responsibility. Like if I'm fully responsible for this entire experience that I'm in, what would that look like? Like, what does it fully mean to be responsible for my entire experience? And in my relationship container of my marriage, you know, I spent like a year in that where I was like, okay, I'm fully responsible.

27:38What does that mean? How am I going to show up? What are all the lessons that I'm going to look at? What are all the patterns that I'm going to look at? And then after spending a good amount of time in that space, I really felt confident and comfortable knowing that it wasn't a fit for me anymore and that I could move on. So I think when we take responsibility for every single thing that's happening in our life, whether it's businesses not working or flowing, or whether it's something's not happening in the right time. And then once we have that fully conscious awareness of what isn't working and why, we can sort of be in the present moment of seeing what feels good and what doesn't.

28:10I think that's a really beautiful second step is like, what is feeling good and easy for me now? Like what is feeling like it's just working naturally? Where am I resisting the things that are easy? Where am I resisting the things that are right for me and moving more towards those things? And I think the third thing that I think about now, it's a phrase that I use all the time just in my life is I always say, this can only be good. You know, everything that happens to me, I just say, this can only be good. Like as an example, in dating, if something doesn't happen the way I want, or in business, if, you know, we're not getting the traction that I want, or things aren't happening in the way that I believe should be happening.

28:49I just remember this can only be good. I'm like, this can only be good. I just can't see it now because we all know those experiences in life where we've been through things. And on the other side of it, we understand why. We understand why we got fired or why we left the job or why we moved or why we had the friendship breakup. We can kind of see clearly in hindsight. And so I can only not see now what is good. And so I always say this can only be good just as a mantra. Lynn. And I just wanted to touch on that self-sabotage piece. When I was able to know what self-sabotage felt like in my body and know what expansion or being on the edge of expansions felt like in my body, everything changed for so long.

29:35When I was on the edge of expanding of like, just kind of getting to that next level me, I thought it was not for me. I thought because it felt a little scary that it felt yet like too much change would have to happen. I would step back. And so to me, self-sabotage in my body feels like I'm like kind of leaning back in a way that's like contracting. So, you know, I think this is kind of a nuanced thing. If you feel a little bit disconnected from your body, I would give you a few more steps before this one. But, you know, that feeling of contraction of just kind of pulling back of slipping into what you've always known, kind of coming from a place of fear rather than curiosity and love.

30:20And then when I am presented with something, which example for me would be when I met my now husband, so many aspects of what he brought up in me and between us was so expansive, but it really called me to lean in. It called me to communicate clearly. It called me to be honest. And to be frank, I wasn't doing in that in my previous relationships. And so I kind of, I contracted at first. I was like, oh, this is hard. I don't know if this relationship is for me, you know? And then I was like, no, no, no. I know without like an ounce of doubt, truly when I like tap into what my soul says, this is my person.

31:06And what does being in a relationship that is literally like a soul connection mean? It means that you're going to be called to these moments that feel a little sticky, but they are the door through which you will walk to become more of who you are. And so expansion for me at first might feel like fear, but quickly afterwards, there's this like excitement of like, okay, I've been here before. I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but I am willing to lean in, leading with my heart and just trusting that this moment will sculpt me into what I'm becoming. So yeah, it's like a nuanced feeling that I think you can practice in your everyday, you know, in like smaller, less intense moments.

31:53But I think tuning into my body really helped me to decipher whether it was sabotage or expansion. I love that. I feel like it's something that you like learn literally throughout your life. And it's like, it's so funny because I feel like even an example this week, it was like, I got invited to this really cool thing to speak. And it felt like right in the middle of our summer. And like, we wait all year for summer here in Minnesota. So like, that is like the protected time of my life of like with kids and everything. And it was one of those things where it like sat in my inbox for a while, not because I was like being lazy or like I was too busy to get around to it, but just like sat there.

32:35And it was so interesting because I actually did feel it in my body of like, this is a really admirable request and it's still a no. And it's so I feel like one of the things that we've all learned in our own different ways is like the pause and the quiet is like where the answers come up, not the noisy and loud. And I feel like you have to learn how to get quiet. I feel like that is something that just keeps coming up and up and up. Okay. I want to talk something. Yeah. Just because this is what, one of the reasons why I admire you so much and why I'm so grateful that you are an example for women is because you truly continue to prioritize.

33:18It makes me emotional. You truly continue to prioritize the right things. Like I think we can really get caught up in the people that are just reaching for like an endless goal that never ends and are really propelled by and driven by a feeling of not enoughness or a feeling of never having enough. And it is so inspiring as a woman to hear you say that like, yeah, I still get really great opportunities, but I still say no, because that's not where my priorities are. And it doesn't mean that we can't have goals or ambitions or dreams, but it's like, I just think it's so important. And I have to say this for myself.

33:50I think this is medicine for me. It's like, how can we still come back to what are our values? Are we living in accordance to our values and what we want to create and how we want to live? And I think that's such a beautiful example of you being spacious about your reply, you tuning into your body, you thinking about your values, you thinking about your family and being like, even with a really great opportunity, this isn't aligning with those things. And as you get bigger and more successful, it's almost like you have to have a stronger no. I think there are people feel like it's more yeses, but it's actually stronger nos.

34:23And I think what you just shared is just so powerful as a reminder for people that you can still have success in a life that you want and to live in accordance to your values. But it means you're going to be saying no at times where it feels like the old version of you would have died for that opportunity. Yes. Oh, and you know what, Krista too? It's like, you never see people's nos, right? You don't see them. Like you can't see them. And that is like the thing that I was thinking about so deeply this week is like, we are only seeing people's yeses. And we're also not naturally connecting in our brains that the yeses led to a different no, like we can't see it.

34:59It's not visual. It's not like a tangible thing. I just this week asked chat GBT, I said, give me a list of 10 women who have found so much success and who used to be in the spotlight, who have decided to live a more quiet, peace-filled life. And it was names that popped up that I was like, oh yeah, I guess I haven't even thought about them in a while. Not because they're not successful. They're probably more successful. And it was just a prompt of like, show me that that to me, that is success, right? To like step back. And so it was just such an interesting thing is like, we can't see that version of success.

35:35And yet that's probably where most of us would feel most successful. And it's just an interesting thing that I think a lot of women are like waking up to. So thank you for that. That is very sweet. One of the things that you guys say in your intro is like perhaps our messes were our awakening. And I feel like we should touch on this because I often think just like success, our messes aren't the most physical, tangible, easy to see and understand things and parts of our lives. So tell me about a mess that you went through that like literally didn't make sense at the time. And now you're like, I have so much gratitude for it.

36:18Yeah. In my late twenties, I was in the wake of just a major breakup. I thought I was going to marry my college sweetheart. I would have bet money on it. I told my Nana, he was the one, when you tell Nana, I mean, it just like solidifies things. And then I started to hear just little whispers from that inner voice, that soul speak that made me question, you know, and rightfully so. There was just some pretty glaring misalignments. And instead of having, you know, a mature, emotionally mature conversation with this person, I didn't have those tools. At the time I cheated and I blew up the relationship completely.

36:58In the wake of that, I was just severely disconnected from myself. I'm like, who would have hurt the person that they love so much? like, who are you? I just felt very low, very depressed at the time. And it thrust me into what I didn't know was going to be about seven years of being single. And I would not have signed up for that. Like if they told me at the beginning of that period, however, this period of, you know, chasing after the wrong people, settling for less than I deserve, you know, just the chaos of dating in LA at the time brought me to a place of what you just expressed, which was quiet.

37:41You know, there was a time probably about five years in where I was like, you know what? I think I'm going to take some time away from dating and just really get quiet. And, you know, that's where I birthed the sacredness of being single. That's where it started where I just realized that I have an opportunity right now in the mess of trying so desperately to find my person, to actually get into right relationship with myself and to set the tone for every other relationship in my life. Like this is my time. And so for the next couple of years, I made a commitment to really date myself. That would literally look like taking myself out on dates and spending time with myself without distraction in the way of phones or anything like that.

38:24And just, I learned to be in my own company, be in my own energy. And it was the best, the best. And it's also a practice that I still do today as a mom and a wife. You know, I think to know what it feels like to be in your own energy helps you to pour into other people, to not overgive, to not over function, which I think we as women do so, so much. And so that serious mess of just feeling like, you know, I was just desperately waiting to be chosen by someone and pretzeling myself into, you know, other forms to be liked turned into an experience that helped me to come back to myself and commit to never abandoning myself ever, ever again.

39:17You know, I only share stuff I'm genuinely obsessed with. And so when I kept seeing Bowling Branch sheets all over Instagram, I was like, okay, are these actually worth the hype? Drew and I have been using their sheets and duvets for over a year now. And honestly, our bedroom feels like a completely different space. The moment you touch these sheets, you'll get it. They're incredibly soft to start, but they literally get softer every time you wash them. They're made from 100 % organic cotton, so they're super durable and they're breathable, which is perfect for piling on cozy layers without turning into a furnace at 2 a.m.

39:50This is hands down the best bedding I've slept on and I'm so genuinely excited for you to try it. Start building your sanctuary of comfort this fall with Bowl & Branch. For a limited time, get 20 % off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com slash gold digger. That's BollandBranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com slash gold digger to save 20 % and unlock free shipping. Exclusions apply. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm all about creating spaces where people actually want to be. So when we started hosting on Airbnb, it honestly felt like the most natural thing in the world.

40:28And it's turned into one of the best decisions we've ever made. Over the years, we've hosted hundreds of couples in our little spaces. we've had so many repeat guests come back and we've created this incredible community not just with our guests but also with the people who help us care for our space whether you've bought properties as an investment or have unused rooms waiting to be shared hosting on Airbnb is a practical and profitable choice and just think about it if you've put a ton of time, effort and work into your home someone out there probably would love to experience it while they're traveling so next time you're planning a trip or want to make some extra income from your spaces you should definitely host on Airbnb.

41:07Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. That's so good. Krista, what was that for you? I mean, I'm sure we all have a million. We'd be here all day. Honestly, it was, I was, I was like, what is the best mess for this conversation? You know, cause I think in life we just feel like so much of what we go through feels like a mess. And I don't know if that was just kind of my experience, But I think the biggest mess that had turned into something really beautiful that I didn't know it at the time was finding Lindsay and starting the podcast. You know, when we first met, I was dead set on becoming a SoulCycle instructor.

41:45I was so determined to be a SoulCycle instructor. I thought I wanted to be on the bike, in front of people, you know, all the things. And I auditioned twice and I didn't get it. And during the process of trying to become a SoulCycle instructor, I actually started to get vocal lessons because I sounded so bad on the microphone in front of a class during my audition. And I didn't know that would set me up for the podcast. And really that rock bottom moment of thinking that I was meant to be a SoulCycle instructor and trying my best and trying to do all these things, but eventually being connected through Lindsay to Lindsay through it because she was an instructor herself.

42:20We started to have really deep, meaningful conversations on our closet floors where we were talking about relationships and our bodies. And we were talking about what we wanted out of life and we were talking about our dreams. And so where I felt like in my mind of this perception I had for this career and this path of being a SoulCycle instructor after being in the corporate world for so long, I met someone that became a soulmate of mine and now is my business partner. And I didn't even see it. It wasn't something I tried for. It wasn't something I efforted for, but it was something I did that felt really good that I approached with no agenda.

42:56And I think in life, we can find these really beautiful moments where we just follow what feels good. And we don't put like any constraints on it. And we don't put agendas on it. And we allow it to unfold in a way that feels really natural and beautiful. And sometimes in life, it can be these things that we just don't see a vision for or a future for that turn out to be something better than we could have ever imagined. Because sometimes our visions and dreams can just kind of limit what we have going. So I would say it was failing at becoming a SoulCycle instructor and finding Lindsay and starting the podcast on our closet floors.

43:29Oh my gosh. I'm sure your cortisol thanks you for not getting into that other career. I'm just kidding. I think about it in my skin. You know, it's so funny you too, because I have such a visceral memory of being in LA with you eating at this really cute vegan restaurant after I did an interview for your show before my book was coming out. Like it is so there are very few things I remember about that blur, but like for some reason that meal and us together, it just was literally magical. We were talking about everything from like red light masks to like your soul's purpose to raising babies to, I mean, everything we literally covered the gamut.

44:07And I want to know, because in that conversation, we had started talking about your book and your book is about to come out into the world. And I've been close to you through this journey. And so how has it been? How did it come to fruition? Like walk me through it, catch me up to speed and pretend like we're back at that amazing restaurant. I just want to say about Jenna Kutcher. Yeah. Jenna Kutcher is the most generous human being on the planet. You know, I think sometimes, you know, you meet people that you admire and you're like, and then you meet Jenna and she is everything and more. And just so like, you do not gatekeep.

44:47You shared with us so much wisdom about your book writing process, the tactical, the energetic, like it was so, so helpful. And I'm just so grateful for our friendship and just for that ability to learn from you in so many different ways. So thank you. Cause I remember that. I remember that early five o 'clock dinner very well. Maybe it was 4 p.m. But the book writing process was so fun. I have to say, maybe that's a boring answer, but Kristen and I, we always knew we wanted to write a book and we just didn't know when. I think every time we thought about, should we write a book now? It just wasn't quite the right time.

45:29And when our agent approached us, Tess, who's just the best of the best, she really saw, she understood what we were doing in the world and how a book would just be an incredible extension of what we do. And from there, overall, it really flowed in how we wrote. And I think what was confronting about the process was one, sharing things that we've never shared before. As always, we're pretty vulnerable and open, but to put it into writing was just a different story. And I think, you know, for me, I'll just speak from my experience lately. It's like when the business of the book comes around where it's like, okay, now we sell the book and we market the book and it's kind of out of the creative process or what I felt like was the creative process.

46:18I got so in my head to be completely honest with you. And I still have to monitor that because I really want to remember and retain how we've already been successful in writing this book. You know, like that for me is the point. You know, the fact that we did this, we truly wrote this book and we wrote it together and we're so proud of it. You know, to have that creative pride is just like something I strive for and we did it. So I want to remain like in perspective throughout this. I obviously want it to be in as many hands as possible. And that's like our, one of our goals, but I do want to just like honor that, like we've done it.

47:00You know, real quick before you chime in, Krista, I think this brings up such a beautiful point because I remember us sitting there and like, I, I felt like I was one of the first in the sense of, I enjoyed every part of the process, which was just rare. I've been around so many authors and it's like either people love the writing process and hate the selling or they hate the writing and they love the selling. And it was just like, I am committed to doing this in a way that like feels great the whole way through. But I feel like this part of your story right now is so relatable, no matter what people are doing, because oftentimes we stay in creation mode because it's where we get to express and we get to do it.

47:38When it comes to the promotion, that actually feels more vulnerable than the most vulnerable page you wrote in that book, right? It's like, you're putting it out there and being like, here is my life's work, hold it well, like receive it. And I hope it lands like, and that happens on social media, whether it's like creating post after post after post, and you just, you just let it die because you're like, I putting it back out there feels so sacred and hard and vulnerable. And so this is so applicable, whatever it is that you're selling and however you're putting yourself out there. And I just think it's good that we touch on that because we're all in a cycle of that, whether we see it or not.

48:19What has it been like for you, Krista? Yeah. Double clicking, underlining, falling out of my chair, nodding at you because I am so grateful to talk about this part and this component because there's so many women that you support, entrepreneurs, creatives, people that have big things that they want to share, people that have something on their heart. And I loved the writing process. I could be at my house, in my sweatpants, you know, doing my thing, just no one bothering me. I was like, yay, creation, writing. And then in the process of putting it out there, of asking for help, of needing to receive, of, you know, seeing if people, the selling aspect of it, the marketing aspect of it is where I've really had to work on my limiting beliefs.

49:04I've really had to work on the aspects of me that are so afraid of failure, the aspects of me that are perfectionist parts. You know, I very much have a perfectionist part that's like, I want the perfect thing to happen in the perfect way. And this, if this happens, this means I'm successful. If this happens, this means I'm not successful. And the part of me that's afraid to receive from people, You know, I'm desperately wanting help from people, but then when it comes to the moment where I need to ask for help, I'm resistant and I'm hesitant and I'm all these things. So what I love about entrepreneurship is that it always shows you where you need healing and it always shows you where you need to look at yourself.

49:44And it always shows you where you can be better and more loving to yourself. So I've had a really beautiful healing opportunity in this process of letting go of my perfectionist part, allowing myself to enjoy the process and really just seeing how much fun I can have. And I think the underlying core foundational part that applied to me that I'm hopeful can apply to some of your listeners who are entrepreneurs and creatives is just getting really clear on the why. And for me as someone that not much that I do is ever good enough, like Lindsay knows we'll leave interviews and do anything. And I'm like, oh, I could have done this better.

50:21I could have done this. This book, I truly believe is incredible. I believe it's helpful. I believe it's everything I wanted it to be in more. And so that foundational piece of, I know what this can do. And I know that this can help sort of helps me supersede any of the fears that I have, because then it's more about the book and the message of the book than it is about me. When I make it about me of, they like me if they buy it, they don't like me if they don't buy it or anything that just involves my story and my ego a little too much. I'm kind of out of the, I'm out of the energy that I want to be in.

50:58The energy that I want to be in is that I have this beautiful book that I think will really help people in times of change and transition. And I know that the messages in it are good. And I know the messages in it are truthful and meaningful and helpful. And so now that makes me easier to more promote it or market it or sell it rather than making it like you guys like me if you buy it. So for anyone listening that has a creation or thing that they're putting out in the world, how can we get really clear on the why? And once we do that, the how really becomes easy. I love this. And as an author, let me just tell you, if you ever want anybody's best work, go buy the book because there is something about solidifying something in print that will make you force you to put your best work inside of it.

51:44it is the cheapest way to learn from the people you love the most and to experience the wholeness of their story and their expertise. So I will tell you every person I've met that's written a book, they're like, that is my best work. That is it in a beautifully packaged. And I love that. Can you give us just one little quick teaser of something in the book and then tell us where everyone can go and grab it and also learn more from you? One little quick teaser. Okay. This book is a full meal, as Krista has been saying. You are going to get our personal stories, things that we've never shared before about our journey, yes, in our late 20s, but just themes that have shown up for us throughout our lives.

52:27You'll get wisdom from people like Jenna Kutcher in our book and more because we've just spoken to hundreds of people over the years that have changed our life and trajectories based on their experience and work in the world. we have tactical practices and just moments of integration because this book is an experience. You know, you're not going to read it in 24 hours. This is going to be the guidebook in your back pocket that will help to usher you through change. I love that. Give us the title, Krista, and where everybody can find it. The title of the book is called Almost 30. It's a definitive guide to a life you love for the next decade and beyond.

53:08And you can get it at almost30.com slash book or wherever you get your books. We also have the audio book that we just recorded a few weeks ago in New York, which is my favorite part of it. So definitely get the audio book if you like to listen to things on audio. And ladies, where can everybody find you and connect with you? Your podcast is one of my faves. It has been for years. So give us all the other places too. You can go to almost30.com for anything about Almost 30. We have so many episodes with Jenna. So you can search Almost 30 Jenna if you want to just find our conversations, because those have been some of my favorite as well.

53:39And then Almost 30 Podcasts on Instagram or TikTok on YouTube as well. And you can find me on Instagram. It's at It's Krista. And I'm at Lindsay Simsek. Amazing. Thank you guys so much. I'm so excited to celebrate with you. I can't wait till we're all in the flesh again. I know. Just bravo. Congratulations. I'm so excited for the world to receive your work. Love you.

54:05I love all of my podcast guests, but I especially love these two women. It has been so amazing to just watch their lives unfold. And I feel like I get both like a front row seat and a backstage pass to what is happening in their worlds as just friends online and offline. And getting to watch them get this book out into the world has just been such a joy. I feel like a big sister, like being like, come on, trust the process. You've done something amazing. I've gotten to read their book. It's just incredible. And so I hope if this episode resonated and their journeys hit a chord for you in any part of them, if you see yourself reflected in Krista and Lindsay, I hope you go grab a copy of their book.

54:47Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. Without you, this podcast wouldn't even exist. And I just feel so lucky that I get to pour into your life no matter what stage you're in. So just thank you for being here. If you know someone who would benefit from this conversation, take a quick second, share this episode with them. It would mean the world to me and Lindsay and Krista. And just thank you so much for spending this time with me. Until next time, Gold Digger, keep on digging your biggest goals. Thanks for pulling up a seat for another episode of the Gold Digger podcast. I hope today's episode filled you with inspiration, gave you information that you can turn into action, and realigned you with your true north in life and business.

55:25If you've enjoyed today's episode, head on over to golddiggerpodcast.com for today's show notes, discount codes for our sponsors, freebies to fuel your results, and so much more. And if you haven't yet, make sure you're subscribed so that you never miss a future show. We'll see you next time, gold diggers.