901: 5 Expert-Backed Mindset Shifts That Will Change the Way You Work, Rest, and Dream

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2:10If you've ever wondered whether the way you think is what's holding you back, this episode might just flip a switch you didn't know needed flipping. I'm Jenna Kutcher, your host of the Gold Digger podcast. I escaped the corporate world at the age of 23 with nothing more than a$300 camera from Craigslist and a dream. Now I'm running a seven-figure online business that feels even better than it looks, all from my house in small town Minnesota with my family. Here, we value time as our currency. We mix the woo and the work, and we are in the pursuit of building businesses that give us the freedom to live lives that we love.

2:48I've always loved turning big goals into reality, and I'm here to help you do the same. This isn't just a peek behind the curtain. Come along with me and my guests as we tear the whole curtain down. Every week we tackle practical, no-fluff marketing strategies and host honest discussions on what works and what doesn't. Join me and my expert guests for actionable insights to help you grow your dream business with confidence. Pull up a seat and get ready to be challenged, inspired, and empowered. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. We talk a lot about what to do to grow, what to post, what to sell, what strategy to follow, but the truth is none of that matters if your mindset isn't in the right place.

3:30The biggest transformations, they don't usually start with a checklist. They start with a belief, a shift, a single moment where you realize, oh, maybe it doesn't have to be this way. This episode is filled with those moments. I've pulled together five of the most powerful mindset shifts ever shared on the Gold Digger podcast straight from some of our most impactful guests. These are the beliefs and inner scripts that changed everything for them, and they might just change everything for you too. If you're starting something new, stuck in self-doubt, or just need a reminder that your brain can be your biggest asset and not your biggest roadblock, this is for you.

4:08We're kicking things off with someone who's become not just a guest on this show, but one of my closest friends, Ms. Mel Robbins. Her let them theory has gone viral for a reason. In a world obsessed with opinions, control, and people pleasing, Mel shares her theory on how to protect your energy, reclaim your power, and move forward with confidence. If the fear of what others think has been holding you back, this one's going to hit deep. Let's dive in. I think the single thing standing in your way as you're listening is this concern and fear and more importantly, the power you're giving to other people's thoughts, which is something you'll never be able to control.

4:50And frankly, it's sad. It is sad that you allow something that you can't control to block you from doing what you want to do in your life and expressing yourself and launching the business and starting the podcast and all these ways you want to grow and put yourself out there. If the only thing that's holding you back is the fear of what somebody might think, the good news is we're going to teach you today how to actually remove that fear. And so this is where the let them theory is going to set you free because you're going to let people think negative thoughts. And the reason why this is revolutionary is because when you let people think negative thoughts, you're actually allowing something that you're afraid of because that's what you're afraid of.

5:41You're not afraid that people are going to think positive things about you. You're afraid they're going to think negative things. And so what if you just lived your life giving people permission to think negative thoughts? Just let them. And the reason why you're going to find this to be revolutionary is because when you say, let them think negative thoughts, let them unfollow me, let them gossip, let them not understand what I'm doing and why, let them be upset by my decisions. When you let people think negative thoughts about you, you now release control of something you could never control.

6:19You also acknowledge this thing you've been deeply afraid of, but you rise above it because you kind of feel a little bit superior. Like if you're struggling with posting on social media or following, you know, Jenna's extraordinary advice on monetizing Pinterest, which by the way, Jenna has taught me everything that I know. She is behind my strategy. She is a genius and you should be doing it. But the only thing that will keep you from actually following Jenna's formulas and her teaching is your fear that people are going to think something negative. So just let them think something negative.

6:53And what happens is you start to go, oh, well, let them think something negative because I know what I'm doing. And then you come back to the let me part and you say, let me remind myself my social media. It's actually for me. My social media is for my business, my self-expression, my income, my artistry. It's not for my friends from college. It's not for my family. Let them think negative thoughts and let me remind myself that I get to choose what I think about myself. And if I'm operating in a way where I'm doing the things that I would like to be doing in my life and I'm aligned with my values, then I'm proud of myself.

7:33And what I've found is that when you're really proud of yourself and when you give yourself the grace and the space to act in accordance with your dreams and your values, something really interesting happens. you don't really think much about other people at all because you've removed the fear because you've actually said, just let them think negative thoughts. I know who I am. I know why I'm doing things. I know people won't understand, but I know that I'm operating based on goals and values and character. And when I do that, I'm proud of myself. And if somebody is upset, then I'm going to trust that they're going to come to me and then I can have a conversation then, but I don't need to worry about this because it's out of my control.

8:19You know, I want to share something else because you said earlier, Jenna, something that was so astute, which is women in particular are exhausted. That we collapse into bed, we wake up exhausted, our thoughts are racing, we feel that, you know, if one ball drops, everything's going to implode, that it's all up to us. We never have time to advance our goals, to put ourselves first. And here's how the let them theory is going to change your life. This is how it's changed my life. Life is like a death by a thousand cuts. And you don't realize this now, but when you start saying let them, you're going to realize that all day long, you're allowing other people's behavior and you're allowing things that are beyond your control to drain your life force energy.

9:17You know, there's this huge movement around microdosing as a way to kind of lift your spirits and your energy and your focus up. I want you to understand that the reason why you're so tired is you're experiencing microdraining of your energy and your time. And I'll give you an example. So the day after I discovered the let them theory. I was standing in a line. And have you ever been at like a garden center? I know you are a major gardener just like me. With my big old cart and all my soil. Yeah, exactly. And there's like five people in front of you and there's only one cashier. And it's like, beep, beep, beep.

10:01Pause for small talk. Beep, beep. Oh, this doesn't have a price. how do you feel in that moment? Stressed, anxious, frustrated, all the things. All the things. And then you start rocking. And then you probably, if you're like me, you turn to the person next to you and you roll your eyes. And then you're looking around and you're angry at the person who's restocking plants because they're not coming up. And next thing you know, you think that you can run the garden center better than anybody else. And you're all agitated. And here's, this is an example of why you're so tired. Because you just allowed something that is out of your control to do two things.

10:42Number one, you allowed it to stress you out. What you are describing is what happens when your body goes into a medical state called a stress response. You go into fight or flight. And the problem for most of us is if we jack ourselves up like that around a grocery line or traffic or something that our mother-in-law said or some comment on a post, we tend to stay in fight or flight, which impacts focus, which impacts your energy, which impacts your mood. And it was because of something stupid. And the second reason why this is really kind of this micro moment that has a major impact on you is that because you're so focused on what's happening out there, the beep, beep, beep, and what's not happening, you actually miss how much control you have.

11:37So in that situation, what you're going to do, anytime you're frustrated, anytime you're annoyed, anytime somebody hurts you or worries you or bothers you, or you have an opinion, or you feel that adjective, just say, let them. And what immediately happens, Jenna, is you're going to feel this release. You're going to feel your shoulders drop. You're going to feel a little bit of peace. You're going to feel the stress leave your body. And you're acknowledging when you say, let them, this is not in my control. Therefore, it is not worth my time and energy. And then when you say, let me, you bring all of the time and energy and the power back to you and your response to it.

12:20Because what you can control, I can control what I choose to think about this. I can control what I'm going to do or don't do in response. And in that instance, I could close my eyes and meditate. I could call my mom because I am trying to make more of an effort to reach out and I could use the time like that. And you know what else I could do? I could actually leave. I could take my little cart full of the soil and the plants and I could put it over on the side and I could walk out. And I certainly have control over what I do with these feelings. Do I let them run me over and ruin my day? Or do I just let them rise and fall?

12:59And when you recognize that in any situation, you have power, you can leave any line, you can leave any interview, you can leave any conversation, any date, any text chain, any dining room table, any business partnership, anytime you choose to. But if you allow the world around you and people's moods and things beyond your control and things that are beneath you to actually bother you, this is the reason why you're so tired. It's because you unknowingly give power away all day long. And I can't wait for you to start using this because what I discovered almost immediately is, holy cow, I have so much more time than I thought.

13:44Holy cow. I'm actually not that tired at eight o 'clock at night because I haven't allowed the world around me or some dumb text or some, you know, immature thing that a friend did to actually drain me. Before we jump into this next clip, which by the way, is one of the most honest conversations about peace I've literally ever had. I want to take a second to thank our sponsors for supporting this episode and making it possible to bring conversations like these straight to your earbuds. This podcast is brought to you by Mercury, banking that helps entrepreneurs do more with their money. Okay. I remember in the early days of my entrepreneurship journey, clients would literally mail me checks and then I would have to drive all the way to the bank to deposit them.

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15:05Visit mercury.com to apply in minutes. Mercury is a financial technology company, not a bank. For important details, check the show notes. You know, I only share stuff I'm genuinely obsessed with. And so when I kept seeing Bolin Branch sheets all over Instagram, I was like, okay, are these actually worth the hype? Drew and I have been using their sheets and duvets for over a year now. And honestly, our bedroom feels like a completely different space. The moment you touch these sheets, you'll get it. They're incredibly soft to start, but they literally get softer every time you wash them. They're made from 100 % organic cotton, so they're super durable and they're breathable, which is perfect for piling on cozy layers without turning into a furnace at 2am.

15:49This is hands down the best bedding I've slept on and I'm so genuinely excited for you to try it. Start building your sanctuary of comfort this fall with Bowl & Branch. For a limited time, get 20 % off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com slash golddigger. That's BolandBranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com slash golddigger to save 20 % and unlock free shipping. Exclusions apply. Welcome back. Now let's hear from Trent Shelton, former NFL player turned transformational speaker. Trent's story of burnout, identity crisis, and finding peace is one so many of us can relate to.

16:28In this conversation, he shares how to protect your peace when you receive negative feedback. I absolutely love this conversation. What he shares here is one of the most game-changing mindset shifts you can make as a business owner. What's helped serve me is understanding a few things. Number one, and I know this seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's true. If you're doing nothing, you're not going to receive nothing. So if you have attention on you and people have critiques, people have criticisms, then congratulations. regulations, that means that you're doing something worth criticizing.

17:03And for me, I would rather have that any day than not have, you know, a life that's not making no impact. So as the great quote says, if you don't want any criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. So I want to just start off with that perspective, but I want to give you this perspective also, like, where is it coming from? You know, consider the source because a lot of times it's people who as I always say, won't even be at your funeral. I ain't said one prayer for you, won't help you. And these are the people that you're allowing to control your greatness, to control the voice that's meant for you to give to the world.

17:38Because I always think about the bigger picture. When the meaning becomes big enough, the hate, the criticism will never become strong enough. If a listener right now, you have a kid and I always talk about fear with this, but you have a kid and your kid is, you know, in dire help and need. And there's like a freaking tiger out there that you're afraid of. You don't care about the tiger because you want to save your kid. And it's the same with your business and your goals and your mission. Like when it becomes big. So mine was a promise to my friend that committed suicide. So any hate, any criticism?

18:09Yeah, I heard it, but I didn't allow it to define me. Peace is this Jenna. And I want to explain this definition. I I think it'll help them a little bit. Yeah. Peace is, I would say peace is something you can't experience if you allow the things that you can't control to control you, right? Peace doesn't mean that the storm doesn't exist. It means that the storm will pass. It doesn't mean that you don't have chaos around your life. It means that the chaos doesn't kill the calm inside you. And so I would tell the person, listen, this is like, develop a deeper meaning on what you're doing. Can you control what they say?

18:45No, you can't. And oftentimes, yes, I know it's hard when it's the people closest to you that give you the most criticism and feedback. But what people are doing, and I've learned this, is they're projecting their insecurities and fears on you. So it's less about you and it's more about what they're not doing with their life. And so that's helped me protect my peace and be like, oh, they don't understand. They've never been successful. They have never tried to achieve what I'm trying to do. They have never tried to be what I'm trying to become. So why would I allow them to stop what's really meant for my life?

19:17And once you build that muscle memory, you start to realize that, oh, it's just opinions. We give way too much power to opinions. Opinions cannot stop you. There can be happens every day to me. Trent, you shouldn't talk like this. You are terrible. You this and this. And I realized like it's an opinion. Let people have their opinions and you keep living your truth. And you'll realize that the people that are there for you to serve will support you. And that's all you need in this journey. But I would tell the listeners this, one thing that's helped me, and I've said this, and it's a little, it's not controversy, but people kind of look at me sideways at first, but I've told people in my life, and I stand by this is that I'm not loyal to people anymore.

20:00I'm loyal to my principles. And what I mean by that, and I don't want people to take this out the context. But what I mean is that sometimes we're so loyal to people or so loyal to things. We're loyal to our heartbreak. We're loyal to our low energy. We're loyal to the things that are destroying our life because we want to be so loyal all the time. You can be loyal to the wrong things. And so there are some things in my life I had to take my loyalty back. And when I say principles, because I know my principles are set up for me to protect my peace. So I said, what's guiding your life? Is it your loyalty?

20:33Which is a great trait to have. Like loyal people are amazing, but is your loyalty in the wrong place? You know, people will always say, I'm so afraid to let people down. I said, I get it. I am too, but I'm more afraid to let myself down. Yeah, because if I let me down, then everything that surrounds me gets let down by default. So I would challenge you listening to this, like, what are your principles? What are the principles that you need to set that says, this is my guiding compass on how I operate my life. So when my feelings always talk about facts over feelings, when my feelings say I want to do it, or I want to say yes, but I look at the facts and say the facts say, man, if I say yes, in this 90 days, I know I already know what's going to lead.

21:15Yeah. So I'm going to say no, even when I want to say yes. And so write down those principles. One of my principles is simply, you know, leave things better than how I found it. I mean, that's a that's an easy principle, but that even starts with myself. It starts with my day. And so what are your principles that you can go by that will guide your life and say, man, if I'm loyal to my principles, then I know that I'm leading my life and I'm putting my life in the best place for me to have the right energy for me to be efficient. And the first part of the book is called protect your energy. And people think we have an infinite amount of energy.

21:49No, like some of us, we guard our cell phones more than we guard our soul. Yeah. Like if our cell phone battery is going down to 10 percent, where's the charger? Where's the charger? But when our life goes down to 10%, oh, I need to do more. I need to do more. Like we need a D &D on our soul and our life. And you did that for 90 days. And I'm sure it felt great. And so I would challenge people to really understand their principles and let that be the guiding force on how they live their life. Next, we'll hear from my friend, Jamie Kern Lima. You might know her as the founder of It Cosmetics or a guest on Shark Tank.

22:20But what you may not know is how deeply her success was shaped by her relationship with her own self-worth. In this segment, Jamie breaks down the difference between self-confidence and self-worth and how the internal ceiling we place on ourselves can be even more limiting than any external obstacle. If you've ever believed that achieving more would finally make you feel like enough, this one's for you. Self-confidence and self-worth, they're both super important in our lives. They are very different. They are very different. And we learn this lie, most of us our entire life, from TV commercials, from how we're raised, from the questions people ask us.

23:01We learn that if we build enough of the things that bring self-confidence, then we'll finally feel enough. And what we don't know is when we build all these things that build self-confidence, while they're very important and valuable, none of them build self-worth. And so for everyone listening, especially, and I know so many people listening to you will have this in common with you and me, that they are probably achievers and ambitious and all of those things. And for anyone who has ever like had this goal and this dream and this ambition and thought, oh, my gosh, when I finally get that thing, then I'm going to be happy.

23:41Then I'm going to be fulfilled. Then I'm going to be crushing it. then I'm going to finally feel enough. And then like, we work so hard, a lot of us for years to get that thing and we get it. And then for most of us, we're like, wait a minute, that did not solve all my problems. I am not happy and fulfilled. Why do I still feel like something's missing? Why do I still feel like I'm not enough? And so then for most of us, our answer is, oh, I've just got to achieve more. So then we go harder. We hustle harder. We do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And it becomes this never ending perpetual cycle to nowhere where, and a lot of people spend their whole life doing this.

24:22You and I have a lot of friends that do this. You build all this self-confidence along the way, but you never have fulfillment because you never feel like you're enough deep down inside. This changed my life because I believed the lie that if I achieve enough, I will finally feel enough. And when you look at the data right now, that 80 % of women do not believe they're enough. 75 % of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. 73 % of men feel inadequate and not enough. Like, I believe this lie. Oh, I got to achieve enough and I've got to please enough people, right? And then I'll feel enough.

25:05And after spending decades doing that and still arriving at the next goal and the next school and the next thing the world told me should make me feel like I'm on top of the world and still arriving, feeling empty and not fulfilled and not enough, not knowing why. And it's because most of my entire life, I did the things that only built self-confidence. None of them built self-worth. So self-confidence for everyone listening. I thought they were the same thing for the longest time. And again, let me just take a step back. They're both so valuable in our lives. They're both so valuable. They're just very different.

25:41Self-confidence, while it is an internal trait, is based largely on the external. Your self-confidence is fragile. It fluctuates. Your self-confidence is how you assess your own skills and abilities, your willingness to try and go for it, how you feel you stack up and compare to others. If you're winning or losing at any moment, like how much of the world's definition of success that you believe that you have. They do studies that show the boxer who wins the match is automatically 30 % more confident. Our confidence is volatile and it's fragile and it fluctuates. And it is largely based on what's happening all around you.