928: How to Speak Up About Your Beliefs Without Losing Yourself or Your People

0:01Today's episode is sponsored in part by Morgan Stanley, Revolve and Spectrum. What should I do with my money? From Morgan Stanley makes getting financial advice feel less intimidating. Search for what should I do with my money in your podcast player. Revolve is my all-time favorite place to shop for my dream wardrobe. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Spectrum Business keeps your business connected with reliable service you can count on. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever.

0:37As always, you can find all of our amazing deals in the show notes. Now, let's get into it. This episode is supported by What Should I Do With My Money from Morgan Stanley. Okay, can we just talk about how money is legitimately one of the hardest topics to bring up? Like, even when you think you have your stuff together, there's always this really weird awkwardness around it. That's why I am obsessed with this podcast. it actually makes money conversations feel approachable. I recently listened to an episode about affording multiple big life things at once, like a wedding, a house, an IVF, if they were all happening at the same time.

1:16And honestly, it hit home. So many people are wondering, can we actually have it all without sacrificing our sanity or our savings? What I love is that they bring in real experts who help break down these massive costs into actual doable steps. It's like having a money mentor in your ear who gets it. Search for What Should I Do With My Money in your podcast player. We'll also include a link in the show notes. Many thanks to What Should I Do With My Money and Morgan Stanley for their support. So should you speak up about your beliefs as a business owner or do you stay silent? Let's go there. I know this thought and this question keeps a lot of us up at night.

1:57When do we speak? What do we say? What if we get it wrong? And honestly, I wrestle with it too. For years, I have tried to let my actions speak louder than my words, but lately I've been finding my voice in ways that feel more direct and meaningful to me. So here's what we're covering today. The real trade-offs of using your platform, how to discern what is actually yours to carry, why, quote, staying in your lane might mean something completely different than you think, and what does it look like to lead in perfectly while building bridges instead of walls. If you've been wrestling with when or how to speak up about the things that break your heart, this conversation is for you.

2:40Let's dive in. I'm Jenna Kutcher and I help you trade hustle for purpose and build a business that gives you the life you actually want to live. From a$300 Craigslist camera to a seven-figure business I run from home, I've learned that success isn't just about what you do. It's about how you live. Here, you'll get strategies that work, systems that give you your time back, and steps that turn your effort into results and impact. If you're ready for clarity, confidence, and a business that feels as good as it looks, you're in the right place. This is the Goal Digger Podcast. I have a lot of ground to cover today.

3:24And funny enough, I was supposed to record a totally different episode. And I quick messaged my producer and said, I have this idea. And I think I just want to brew some coffee and sit down and record from my heart. I want to start this entire episode with the largest dose of humility and consciousness, because I am no stranger to getting it wrong. I have learned so much about what I'm going to talk about today and I am still learning. My commitment to learning is deeper than it has ever been before. So there's a big preface here that there is a very good chance that I'm going to mess something up in this very episode.

4:07But to me, this conversation feels important enough to try anyways. So here we go. We have a lot to talk about. I don't even know where to begin. You know, it's interesting because I have played both sides of the coin here. And I am not afraid to admit that I have in recent years stayed very indirect. I have kept things narrowly focused on the work that I do. I have kept the topics high level from marketing to Pinterest, podcasting, email. And for me, that felt like the right approach for a long time. It works. I mean, it works, right? But I have realized that my lane was never just marketing tactics.

4:53My lane is so much bigger than that. My lane is women helping women. My lane is mothers feeding children. My lane is believing that we are all connected and that community matters more than comfort. And lately when people try to tell me to stay in my lane, I finally feel like I understand with clarity what my lane actually is. And I think that a lot of us, especially in the world that we're in today, are wrestling with how do we use our platforms? When do we speak up? What does our business actually stand for? What are our values? And how do we share them in a way that doesn't create more separation in a world where we are already so separated in this divisive culture that makes us think that we are so different when in reality I believe we are so much more alike than we are different and so today this is coming from the purest version of my heart and I want to just share my own take this is not meant to be prescriptive meaning I am not telling you what you need to do.

5:57This is purely coming from my perspective. And I want to add an additional caveat here. One of the things I've gotten so wrong in the past is centering myself. It is something that innately I tend to do. And I think that it comes from an honest place of not wanting to tell people this is the only way, because I don't believe there's only one way to do anything. But I feel like my desire to center myself comes from this honest place of just saying, this is my story and this is what works for me and I'm not going to tell you what you need to do and I'm not going to tell you how it's going to feel for you.

6:33And so even though I am fearful that people might perceive this episode as me centering myself, this is the only way I know how to show up and speak authentically and from my heart on this topic that I'm feeling called to talk about. So let's first talk about the pros and the cons of speaking up. And when I'm talking about speaking up here, I am talking about the gamut of topics that exist in the world we are in. Okay. We could be talking politics. We could be talking religion. We could be talking ideology. We could be talking theology. We could be talking about basically anything. Okay. And so I want for you to listen to this through the lens of whatever speaking up means for you.

7:17And we'll kind of dive into that even further. So benefits of speaking up. And here's what I found. First, when you speak up, I truly believe that there is a deepening of connection with your audience who agree with you, who shares the values that you are standing on. I also think that it can lead to far more meaningful conversations, right? If we're talking about going deeper and not wider, I believe that if you are speaking up about things you care about, it leads to far deeper conversations. When you speak up, I also believe it builds your personal integrity. Like you don't feel like you have to compartmentalize who you are and what you believe and what you do.

8:00I think that you feel this sense of integration in a way that it is hard to ignore. Like it becomes contagious because people can feel that it is coming from the purest place of you. It also allows your business to reflect your full self. And this part is kind of where the coin starts to flip, right? Because I even recognize that in my small team of 10, we have a lot of shared values, but we also disagree on certain topics. And this is where the risks start to come into play. One of my fears is that I would not want any member of my team to feel unsafe or under attack or alone or isolated with their belief.

8:48That is something that scares me. I recognize that at the end of the day, my team shares the main values that really matter to me and the company. But on certain issues, they might not totally agree with me. And I am not only representing myself, I'm representing my company and my team. Another risk that I think a lot of people fear is losing followers, losing customers. I mean, I've had people ask for refunds after I've shared my opinion on something that is polarizing. Another fear and something that I've worked through a lot is just being misunderstood. Like your intention in sharing or the way that you are sharing could be misunderstood.

9:25And warning here, you're probably not going to get people who are dead set on misunderstanding you to suddenly understand you. there's also the risk of facing online backlash intense criticism cancel culture and the final risk that I want to outline is just the emotional toll of navigating people's projections and their parasocial expectations of who you are and what you should talk about right so as you can see I mean I think that there are equal amounts of benefits to risks and I see them and what I shared doesn't even encompass the full picture of what that can look like. So first I want to talk about something that I don't think we talk about enough and that is that there is a spectrum of how you can show up and speak out.

10:18So I remember being in college and learning about covert marketing and over marketing. So covert marketing is more subliminal marketing. It is more woven into the DNA of what you do and how you do it. So covert approaches could include like who you choose to interview or platform with your business or on your show. Covert could be the language, the terminology you use, the brands you partner with, the opportunities you decline, the causes you donate to or support quietly, the way you treat people and run your business. It also could show up in the stories you choose to tell and whose voices you amplify.

11:01Covert was my friend for many years when I was rebuilding my confidence to start speaking out. Now, overt approaches are just more direct, right? They're very clear. They're hard to miss. So this is more like taking a direct stance or giving a direct statement about a certain issue or a belief that you hold. It also includes clear positioning on causes. Now, this doesn't have to be just one cause. It could be a lot of different causes, but you are making your position clear and known. It could be using your platform to educate or activate. It could be speaking up in real time on current events.

11:39Now, the key here to understand is that both approaches are valid. I would argue that neither one is more right. What I would say is that I believe it depends a lot on your capacity. It depends on the strength in your voice. It depends on what feels authentic and not performative to you. And the cool thing here and the invitation I want you to hear in this is that you can move along this spectrum as you grow, as your confidence grows, as you are educated, as you learn more, as your stance changes. And so do not undermine the power of choosing a covert approach if that feels safer to you. Because in many ways it is, and you're still able to stand for the things you believe in.

12:29It's just in a less direct way. And again, man, have I leaned on that for many, many years. So let's talk about the reality of public criticism, because honestly, I think that this is, well, I'll speak for myself. This was probably my greatest fear. So back in 2020, I walked through what I would consider the ickiest, darkest corners of the internet in terms of cancel culture and criticism. And let me just tell you right now, I have never been perfect. Oh, Lord. I mean, I used to have my slogan in my Instagram bio as imperfectly leading women because your girl is the queen of messing up and not just messing up, but like messing up publicly.

13:16And I have never really overtly talked about that experience back in 2020. But it was hard. It was really hard. and I had so much learning to do through that experience and it also created a severe trauma response within my body like if you've ever read the book the body keeps score there is a certain response in my body that activates when I start to feel like I am being publicly attacked and it's something that I share not in any way as a woe is me, but as just an informative piece of what can happen if you have ever been bullied online or if you have ever gone through a cancellation or if you've ever been called in to learn something new, there is likely some sort of response.

14:12And it's interesting because I've sat down with so many women that have platforms and everyone has been through their own version of whatever this looks like. And so when I went through that time, I thought I was done forever. Like I was like, I am off. My career is over. I will never show my face on the internet again. It was really, really hard. And I have learned so much about myself, about my beliefs, about my blind spots. I have learned about communication. I mean, I've learned who I am today is a lot in part of that experience. And, you know, it's interesting because that was five years ago.

14:56And sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. But it started me down this path of really untangling my relationship with the internet, my deep desire from like a childhood place to be understood and to be heard correctly. And I have really uncovered that I have this deep desire that people just understand me. They don't have to agree with me, but that they know what my intent was. And I have had to learn that that is not my responsibility. That is not my job. And I literally can't control that. And I've also done a lot of therapy just around the internet as a whole because when you are a creator when you are showing up online and when you are committed to continue showing up even after you mess up I mean I messed up just a few months ago right like this is this is an ongoing journey called being a human and I continually have to learn how to create boundaries around myself how to really understand what my intentions are and stay 10 toes in the ground if my intentions are pure, but also stay open and receptive to learning and growing and apologizing and admitting when you get things wrong.

16:16And so I've realized that for me, the only person who can really cancel you is you. And that's if you just say, I'm done, I'm never going to show up again, right? Because how many people have we watched get quote canceled? and now you look and you're like wow they still have a career they're still successful they're still creating meaningful work only you can take yourself out of this game and when I really truly not only understood it but believed it like at the core of my being it made me bolder to be willing to try and to be willing to say shoot I did it again I stepped in it I messed up what the heck.

16:57I'm still learning. Thank you for your graciousness. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for your patience with me. And so I have just told people, I'm like, the only one that can cancel me is me. And that's if I just decide to stop showing up and learning and growing. The other part of me, and this is just kind of a joke to add a little levity to this conversation, is like, go for it. Cancel me because I kind of just want to be off the internet anyways these days. And I say that not with sincerity, but with a dose of humor, because sometimes I think that too, like, if you want to cancel me, peace out.

17:32I don't even really like this place anymore. And so the thing that I want for you to consider is like, if the reality of public criticism is paralyzing to you, I would encourage you to start doing some of the inner work to really get clear on separating who you are outside of your online identity. Who are you outside of the brand? What do you know to be true about that person? Where do you as a person start and stop? And where does the brand and the business begin? And once you start to separate those things, you start to realize I was on a therapy call a couple of months ago and I was talking to my therapist and I was holding up my right hand and I was talking about the internet.

18:12And I was like, you know what? This place, it just feels like an energy suck. It feels like a black hole. It feels confusing. It feels negative. And then I held up my left hand and I said, and my left hand was wide open. So my right hand's in a fist, right? It's just tight. It's tense. My left hand is wide open. I said, this part of me, this, my real life, it feels honest. It feels authentic. It feels meaningful. It feels true. And she said, I want for you to look at your body right now and just that language. And I want for you to see like that separation that exists, right? And the more honest we can get about that separation and whether it exists or not, I think that the more that we can step out in a bit more of boldness, knowing what is true for me as a human offline is not so crazy intertwined with the online version.

19:04Like they are separate and similar, but that is not true, right? Like I, and what I mean by this is like the people I want to speak into my life are the people that I trust, the people who are in the arena, the people who know me and know my heart. And if I can't take their word over the word of internet bullies, then I've got my priorities off, right? The final piece on this public criticism before I move on is just, I think that cancel culture at its core is not the most helpful approach. Now I get it. There are circumstances that feel like you can't go back from it, but there is the ability to be called in and to be shown a different way and to be educated.

19:49Now, I'm not saying that it is your job to spend your energy and your breath educating someone, but I am saying that if we truly want someone to change or to see where they might be wrong, calling somebody in versus call out or cancel culture is the way that I would want to approach it. I want to be a bridge builder. I do not want to add more division. more divisiveness, more hatred. And so for me, I want to model curiosity over conflict. And I want to help somebody learn through dialogue and not shame. And whenever I've been afforded those opportunities, I feel so much more confident in saying, dang, I got this wrong.

20:35This is such a bummer. This was not my intent, but this is what happened. And I am so sorry. And here's what I can do to fix it. When you are getting attacked and you start to feel guilt and shame, it is a much different position to be in that feels paralyzing where you don't want to say anything because you're going to say the wrong thing, right? And so I just want to say if you're ever in a position where you see something and you feel like you can call somebody in, that would be my personal approach. And again, this is not prescriptive. This is my perspective. Okay. The next thing that I want to talk about here is I feel like there is so much nuance in the pressure to perform.

21:15And there's also this culture where people are almost demanding that others speak up about something. Even just today, I saw somebody tag somebody else and said, I wish this person would speak up about this. Here's what I want to say. It is not helpful to demand that every person speaks up on every single issue. When someone is pressured into speaking, that is where performative activism lives. Okay. When somebody feels like they just have to say something because people are demanding that they say something that is purely performative and you can feel it, right? Like you've seen it, you can feel it.

21:54It's not genuine. It is usually a watered down version. It's not clear. And so I want to just remind you right now, like if you are someone who's staying quiet or you're watching someone stay quiet, people do have legitimate reasons for staying quiet. It could be safety. It could be capacity, expertise, personal circumstances. I'm not saying this to let people off of the hook. Okay. I'm not saying this as like, nobody should say anything because we all have these things, but people have different risk tolerances, right? Just like in investing. Some people are really conservative. Some people are like, take it and run.

22:31Let's see what happens. And the same goes when it comes to speaking up and activism. People have their own reasons, right? And I feel like we've gotten into this really interesting environment where it almost feels like every person with a platform is expected to comment on every world event, right? It's like if we were to pause our businesses every time something horrific happened in our country or in the world, we would never have a business. We wouldn't be profitable, right? And it's hard because there are absolutely times where I do think the right decision is to pause. But I also see that there is so much power in continuing to show up to serve and to generate income that can then be funneled into these causes, right?

23:18So both things can be true. But I don't love this idea in this world that we're in where it feels like we expect every influencer, person with a platform or entrepreneur to speak up on every single current event. It seems unfair because most people are not educated enough to speak clearly. Most people would be adding to the noise or the confusion. And it also takes us away from the work that we're hopefully doing that will impact the things we care about either overtly or covertly, right? And so I think that there has to be an internal wisdom within you in terms of discerning what is truly mine to carry.

24:03What is breaking my heart that I care enough to pause and to speak out or to add to the conversation versus what is just more noise or external pressure that's turning into performance. And I think the key question here is, is what breaks your heart so deeply that staying silent costs you more than speaking up? That's a question I've been asking myself so much lately. And I think that is the question that has propelled me to be more bold in my stances. a few months ago I got my colors done and I learned that your girl is an autumn which means out with the black and in with the brown I have been rebuilding a capsule wardrobe lately and my all-time favorite place to shop is revolve they add new products daily and you can sort by color and size and even build out wish lists I recently got these brown autry sneakers that I am obsessed with and I snagged this suede bag that I couldn't stop eyeing for fall.

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25:44So happy shopping. Okay, it is officially that time of year. And if you run a business, you know, the holiday rush is no joke. I've done more Black Fridays than I can count at this point. And let me tell you orders at 2am inventory updates, refreshing my site, hoping it can keep up. It never stops being intense. That is exactly why I use Shopify. It keeps everything running smoothly when things get their craziest. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the US, from household names to entrepreneurs who will be participating in their first Black Friday Cyber Monday this year.

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27:11We have become this world that is so show and tell, right? It's like, Show me what you're doing. Tell me about how you are helping. Online activism is one place to show up. It's a beautiful place to show up, right? But it is not the only one. And it shouldn't be held at a different standard than other forms of activism. You need to stay active in the causes you care about, in the ways that don't make you shut down or go numb. For a lot of people, online activism is way more scary than activism in real life because they know that the backlash could come and that backlash could shut them down fully or make them just stop.

27:58And so to me, real world action matters. How are you volunteering? How are you showing up in your community? How are you in direct service of others? How are you advocating for people? How are you using your profits and putting them towards causes that you support. And so I just want to remind people here that while activism is a beautiful thing to have happening on the internet, it is not the only way to make a difference. Protecting your nervous system and your capacity is part of sustainable activism. And we do not talk about this enough. The internet can literally make us feel crazy. It can trigger us in about two seconds.

28:43We can feel overwhelmed. We open up our phones and we don't know what is going to be served to us from the buffet of the algorithm, right? We could see one post and it could just immediately shut us down. And so sometimes the most powerful thing you can do as a human and an entrepreneur and a business owner is log off and start showing up in person. For me, for a very long time, I just used my money. So I was filtering my money into causes locally and globally that I cared about. Like that was my activism. I had learned my lessons from sharing publicly what I cared about and all that that brought me.

29:21And so for many years, I was just taking my profits and quietly putting them into places that help support the things that I believe in. But lately, my heart has been cracked open in so many new ways. And I've really started to think about how can the activism for me live online in a way that protects my nervous system and keeps me in the work, but also how is it showing up offline? And so I have had a huge transition in the last two years of being mainly a financial donor to stepping in in more ways that is my presence and my time and my talents and using them in ways that help support causes that I haven't had the bandwidth for as a mom with young kids and as an entrepreneur.