Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want

23:43Mel Robbins:I want to make sure that you really got what Dr. Selig just told you. Because this is something that I am sending this to all three of our adult children right now. You do not get a job, you get the keys to the building. You bet. And you create your own luck in that job, even if you hate the job, by showing up to that job every day and doing the things you're about to tell us to do and bringing a certain type of energy and a certain level of excellence and a certain attitude in order to capture the opportunity that is swirling around that office that you're dragging yourself into. Exactly. So you can choose the bad attitude or you can choose to have a different attitude.

24:28Mel Robbins:But what you're here to say is trust my research, there is opportunity everywhere for the taking if you wake up and recognize it. Right. And you can take it further though. Okay. You can become a sailboat. And how do I do that? The sailboat is looking for the luck. It's out there searching for the winds of luck, right? You can be capturing the luck like a windmill where they are locally, or you can be a sailboat where you're out there with a goal, a specific goal in mind, and you're saying, how do I get to those winds to get me to that destination? Got it. So let me put this down because it's kind of big.

25:09And I want to talk to you about how to become a sailboat. Okay. I want to talk to you about that. Because if you want to be a sailboat to capture the winds of luck, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to build that sailboat. The next is you need to recruit your crew. And third, you need to hoist the sail. Okay. And this is very important to separate these three things. Okay. You build your sailboat. That's all the internal work. You know, it's funny. There's a, whenever I tell people I'm writing a book about luck or I'm doing work on luck, they go, oh, yes, yes. Fortune favors the prepared mind.

25:44Well, I love that quote. You know, Louis Pasteur, great quote about fortune favoring the prepared mind. But what is the prepared mind? I don't know. That sailboat is your prepared mind. Okay. That is all the internal work that you need to do to be ready to ultimately catch the winds of luck.

26:01Mel Robbins:Okay, so let's stop right with building the sailboat, okay? Because I know as you're listening and watching right now, you're like, all right, I'm with you, Dr. Selig, but how do I build a sailboat? What does that actually mean? How am I doing the internal work to turn this brain of mine that's told me my entire life, oh, things like that don't happen to a person like me. Well, I'll never get out of this debt. I'm not going to be this way. I'm not smarter. I'm not good. Because I can tell you right now that doesn't sound like you're building a sailboat. So what are the specific things that we need to do or know or change in order to take advantage of step one, which is you got to build that sailboat in yourself?

26:38Exactly. And it's very, very important. One is you need to know what your core values are. Okay. If you do not have those core values, which are like the keel under your boat that keeps you steady, you're going to be manipulated by people who ask you to do things that are not ethical. They're not legal. I mean, this is how people get caught when they don't have their core values. And in fact, I can tell you a story about what happened to me when I was young, and I didn't know how to do this. I had taken my first job right out of graduate school. And it was a company, it was a med tech company, and I was so eager.

27:13I just wanted to do everything right. And the president of the company asked me to go to a conference. And it was a conference actually being hosted by a competing company. And he asked me to go not as a member of the team of this company, but as Dr. Selig from Stanford. And he was my boss. Why should I question him? I had never thought about whether this would be ethical or not. So I said, sure, of course, I'll go. So I got on a plane. I went to Chicago. I registered Dr. Selig from Stanford, went to the conference. And as the conference started, it was a relatively small conference. At the end of every session, I raised my hand and asked all sorts of probing questions because I knew a lot about this technology because I was working at a competing company.

28:00And they started getting suspicious. And they called up my company and they said, is Tina Selig there? And of course, the receptionist said yes no no no she's not here she's at a conference in chicago and so i was getting into the elevator to go up to my room and two people followed me in the door shut and one of them turned and hit the stop button are you what did you think was happening i had no idea i turned around and they looked at me they backed me in the corner and they said, are you a spy? I mean, I burst into tears, honestly. I was like, oh my gosh. But they, you know, they said, we called your company.

28:48They were very funny. They said, we understand you're the VP of marketing the company, which was sort of a joke since I was like an intern. But they escorted me out very quickly. And I sat on the sidewalk thinking, what happened? And I realized it was because I hadn't even taken a minute to think about my values and to think about, and I was very unlucky, wasn't I? Because I should have said to my boss, of course I can't do that. I can't misrepresent myself. And so one of the first things you need to do is really think about what your core values are.

29:22Mel Robbins:How do you figure that out? Is there like a simple way to really think about what your core values are? Because I can think about moments in my life, for example, a period of my life where when we were struggling financially as a young married couple with kids, my core value was safety and security. And so I said yes to lots of stuff I wouldn't do right now because I wanted to pay the bills. And it was aligned with my values then. My values now have shifted because I still value security and safety, but it's not on fire right now. And so I have different values, but I think it's one of those things where it's not something that people stop and think about.

30:08Mel Robbins:So how would you recommend if the person's listening right now, because I think we all want to be luckier and we certainly want to open up the winds and like capture as much opportunity as we can, but how do you figure out what you actually value? So there are a lot of ways to do it. Okay. And a lot has to do with taking the time to actually think about it in advance. Think about what your values are. Are you going to misrepresent yourself? There's a slippery slope. You know, once you make one decision to do something that's not ethical, it's much easier to do make the second decision, right? Once you've done the first one, that door is open.

30:46And you have to think about who you want to be in the world. You also can put together a personal board of advisors. This is a really helpful tool. who are you going to go to when you're asked to do something where you have a kind of a spider sense where you go you know what this doesn't smell right who do I go to to get some feedback and it's also really helpful to have the ability to walk away to have now it's really difficult when you're in a situation where you're feeling financially really vulnerable and you go like I don't know what to do but oftentimes there's a case we used to use with our students many years ago about somebody who had taken on a lot of financial debt, you know, bought an expensive house, moved to a new city, did all sorts of things that were expensive.

31:32And then when the company he was working for started doing things that were legal, he couldn't leave because he couldn't afford to give up a job. So think about not putting yourself in a position where you're so tied to an organization or to some situation where you can't walk away if you're asked to do something that you find is unethical.

31:56Mel Robbins:Well, I can give another example. And let's see if this one checks out, Dr. Selig, with the research you've done. I was talking to a friend over the weekend who's in a relationship, and this person knows that they don't want to be engaged to the person that asked them to be married. And she was going on and on and on about it because it's a very difficult decision. And she said, well, the problem is, you know, I just really am a peacekeeper. And I said, hold on a second. That's what you were in your first marriage, which is why you were miserable. You kept the peace and you never told the truth.

32:38Mel Robbins:you in this chapter have made it very clear that what you value more than anything is being a truth teller. And I would imagine that if you don't understand what your core value is in terms of why you want to be even in like a romantic relationship, I want to be with somebody where I can be fully myself versus constantly suppressing what I feel and what I need in order to make somebody else happy, you will never, ever, ever build this internal sailboat and the winds of chance are gonna steer you to all kinds of relationships because you don't realize you actually value that rather than just companionship.

33:16Mel Robbins:Does that make sense? Exactly, exactly. And that's just one piece of the puzzle is your core values. You need to know, which is sort of tied in to what you just said, the story you tell about who you are in the world, right? We each have a story of who we are and that story is always shifting depending upon who we're with and how we feel about ourselves and the ability to own that story. Dr. Selig, I just have to pause for a second because this is one of those moments where people aren't just listening. They're recognizing themselves. You're not talking about luck in some abstract way. You're describing the habits, the waiting, the invisible rules that so many of us are living under without even realizing it.

33:59Mel Robbins:And I know what's happening right now, you're sitting there thinking, wait a minute, is this why I feel stuck? Is this why nothing seems to move even though I'm capable? If that's you, I want you to really just sit with what Dr. Selig is teaching us right now. And honestly, if someone that you love keeps saying they just feel unlucky or they're behind or they're frozen or they just keep coming up in your mind as you're listening to all this, this is one of those episodes that you just sent. No explanation. The title speaks for itself. And I promise you, I promise you, if you have not been able to get through to them, I guarantee you Dr.

34:39Mel Robbins:Selig will. And don't go anywhere because we're going to take a quick break. Let our incredible sponsors shine. When we come back, Dr. Selig is going to show you how to stop waiting and start changing your odds in life. Don't go anywhere. Stay with me.

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37:51Mel Robbins:Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today you and I are getting to learn from Stanford professor, neuroscientist, and innovation expert, Dr. Tina Selig. We're talking all about how to get lucky according to science. All right, Dr. Selig, let's keep going. The next question I have is this. If your story is really awful, I'm not smart, I'm not good enough, nothing ever works out for me, how do you start building this sailboat? Great. So you need to understand that you can do little experiments every day. Okay. You need to be willing to take some risks to get out of your comfort zone and to try something different.

38:34Okay. Now, let me ask you now. Yes. And please call me Tina. Okay, Tina. Sorry, I keep calling you Dr.

38:40Mel Robbins:Selig. Sorry. It's okay. Are you a risk taker? Absolutely. Okay. Most people answer yes or no, but risk is much more nuanced. They're all different types of risk. I should have said depends. I know, but you said yes. See, you're so smart. Okay, it depends. I'm like, yes, I take a risk. Of course, of course. No, I always take a calculated risk. Exactly, but think about the different types of risk. Or balloon just going, throwing caution to the wind. Exactly. But think about the different types of risk. Let me show you something. Okay. This is the riskometer that we use in our classes, where students map their risk profile.

39:19Mel Robbins:Okay. Now, I want to just explain for the person who's listening right now, because we're going to walk you through this. And as Tina walks us through each of the six different types of risk that you're going going to be faced with in life, I want you to think whether you have a high or low tolerance because you're ranking at zero to 10 and all she has is a circle and there are six different points on it and she's going to walk us through it right now. And as Tina walks through each of the six types of risks, I want you to be answering this for yourself because I think this is a really interesting way to get into values.

39:56Exactly, exactly. And to figure out what type of risks you're comfortable taking and where you want to stretch.

40:01Mel Robbins:Okay, great. So let's go through each one. Right. So this is called a spider chart. It looks like a spider web. Yes, it does. Where the center is zero and the outside is 10. Okay. So you map yourself on it. So let's try this. Okay, so I think you and I are actually pretty similar. Are we? Okay. Yes. So physical risk, you are, where would you be on a scale of one to 10? Oh gosh, I'm probably like a six. Oh, Oh, really? Okay. Great. Perfect. And I want you to be thinking as you're listening or watching, okay, where am I? Is you a big risk taker? Like my husband and my son. I'm just like, can we please bring it down from like a nine to a five?

40:43Mel Robbins:Exactly. Exactly. My son was a very competitive cyclist. And every time he would go out on his bike, I would just hold my breath till he got home. My husband's a cyclist too. I'm like, can you not listen to music as you're like cycling down the road at 40 miles an hour? At least you were as a helmet. Okay, so let's talk about emotional risk. Okay. Telling someone how you feel. Oh, I'm a 10. I'll take any, because it doesn't feel risky to me to share how I'm feeling. Great. How about you? I'm very high. I mean, I'm happy to tell you that I love you. Oh, I love you too. And I love you as you're listening and watching.

41:17Mel Robbins:For somebody, though, that is like lower on the emotional risk, what might that feel like in your life that you would be scared of? It feels vulnerable to tell someone how you feel. You know, that maybe you feel anxious or maybe you feel scared or maybe you feel, you know, maybe you really like someone and you're afraid to tell them. Got it. Right? And so someone who is more, has a high risk profile there is like, I'm going to tell you. Yeah. I always feel that you tell people things and you get data, right? Yes. You get some data back. Social risk. Now, talk to me about social risk. What falls in the category of social risk?

41:52Being willing to get up and give a toast at a wedding, giving a talk. Talking in a meeting at work. Exactly. Being out in front of the world. Okay. You know, being out there and it's not emotional, but you're going to get out there and do something very public.

42:07Mel Robbins:I'll tell you. So the sort of things where I am giving a toast or I'm talking in a meeting or certainly because I've developed the skill of giving speeches in arenas, I have zero fear about it. So I would put myself at a 10. However, however, when I, when this show was nominated for a Golden Globe, I had never walked a red carpet. I am not at all comfortable putting myself out there in terms of a beautiful dress and look at me. And I would say I was about a two. So isn't that interesting? I think this is fascinating, Mel. Okay. Because you had never done it before. No. But if you had done it two, three, four times, it would have been natural.

42:57Yes. It would have been easy. You're happy to make social risks because you've been doing it so much. That's true. And this is super important, right? If you start out saying, oh my gosh, this is uncomfortable for me, you can stretch. You started as a two, but the next time you do it, you'll be a four, and then you'll be a six, and then you'll be an eight. And I'll tell you what, I'm not buying the dress.

43:15Mel Robbins:I'm going to borrow it next time. It turns out a lot of people borrow from designers, but I was the idiot who bought it. Yes. Okay. for the next time you'll be ready. So, okay, let's talk about financial risk. Okay. So this is one where I would be a zero. I don't want to take any risk financially because earlier in my life, the first 40 years, I was, I took all kinds of risks. I was stupid with my money, racking up the credit cards, maxing out the home equity line, living in some sort of fantasy, like somehow I'm just going to get lucky. And even though I'm making all these dumb ass decisions, This is going to somehow, like, now that I've experienced the pain of driving myself.

43:54Mel Robbins:Now, you know what's interesting about this too? I can look backwards and see how my decisions created a situation where I was very unlucky. Yes. But it was your behavior. It was the choices you made. Yes. There were, like, not everything. There are some things that swing that are unfortunate. unfortunate, but my decisions certainly put me within striking distance of having a major catastrophe. And that's what happened. Exactly. So I have to say, I have to assume you take some financial risk because your business, you have to be... We're like, we are, I don't want to, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I have scaled a business too quickly that I then have to lay people off.

44:39Mel Robbins:Like there are 50 people that, and their families that depend on the decisions that my business partner and I make. And so I think we're both very, very like risk adverse when we think about the implications of what we say yes and no to. Right. Okay. Fabulous. Well, this is, now it's interesting because you might think that some people like venture capitalists have a really high financial risk profile, but they're always trying to squeeze all the risk out, Right. Just like the person who's jumping out of the airplane, they're going to make sure the parachute is is packed properly. Yes. So, you know, it's really it's it's very interesting that the more prepared you are, it doesn't feel like a big risk.

45:23Right. You have this company with 50 people who depend on you. You feel like it's a low financial risk. Someone on the outside will go, wow, that's risky. But you've squeezed all the risk out. Yes. By testing and doing lots and lots of experiments. Yes. And scaling really slowly so that it doesn't feel like it's a financial risk. Great. The next one's intellectual. Intellectual. Yeah. You're going to go try something new, stretch, think about things you haven't thought about before, solve a problem that's intractable.

45:52Mel Robbins:I don't even consider. I'm so intellectually curious. It's a 10. Let me ask you about intellectual risk. What are some everyday examples of what intellectual risk looks like in your life? It's usually problem solving. Okay. And it's, you know, it's, you've got a problem that is in front of you and you're willing to tackle. It's like, okay, I can figure this out. I'm a huge believer that every problem is an opportunity. The bigger the problem, the bigger the opportunity. And that's a real entrepreneurial mindset. Yes. And you can foster that. You can really develop the ability to take on more intellectual risks.

46:26Mel Robbins:So taking a risk means instead of feeling like life is running you over or there are no opportunities or nothing's going to ever work out, it would be an intellectual risk to say, well, maybe there's something I can do here. Well, let me give you a story. I was asked to teach one week about entrepreneurship in the new design school at Stanford. And I was like, what can I do in one week? So I had 14 teams and I gave them each an envelope with$5 in it. And I said, you can brainstorm as long as you want, but as soon as you open this envelope, you have two hours to make as much money as possible. What are you gonna do?

47:05And this was, I basically gave them essentially nothing, right? A few dollars. And they needed to figure out what value they could create. Now, there were the people, I knew you could do something. I could have a lemonade stand or a car wash or do something small. And there were the groups that did that. Then there were the groups who said, hey, you know what? That$5 is a red herring. I don't need the$5. I've got all sorts of skills. And they set up a stand to pump bike tires in the middle of campus. and they made$200, you know, because, and halfway through they said, hey, let's not charge people.

47:37Let's just ask for donations and people paid them more. Or they made reservations at restaurants in Palo Alto and as the, you know, with long lines. And as the reservation came up, they sold the reservations.

47:50Mel Robbins:Oh, to people waiting in line. Waiting in people in line. That's genius. Waiting in people in line, yeah. So, but then there were the people who said, you know what? The$5, the two hours was a red herring. The$5 was a red herring. Maybe my three-minute presentation class is where the value is. And they sold it for$650. What do you mean? To a company who wanted to recruit the students in the class. Oh, my gosh. So they took their slot where they were going to present their findings. And they called a company and said, do you want to come and pitch a Stanford design class? Exactly. And the reason I call this an intellectual risk is they had to be creative.

48:29They had to come up with creative solutions. What do I do when I have nothing? And this is also tied to luck because guess what? Opportunities are everywhere. Most people think, oh, I don't have any money. But these students created all this value with nothing, looking around and seeing the problems that were around them and figuring out how they could come up with solutions.

48:50Mel Robbins:That's so cool. I have so many more questions, but I want to take a quick break. First of all, because I want to give our sponsors a chance to shine. But secondly, I want to give you a chance to text this episode or email this episode to the people in your life who need this framework. They need to know how to create their own luck. I'm learning so much. I have so many people I'm going to share this with, and I want you to do that too. So take a moment to share and don't go anywhere because when we return, there's so much more we're going to dig into with Dr. Tina Seelig. Stay with us.

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52:59Mel Robbins:Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today, you and I are learning how to become luckier in life and create our own luck according to science with Stanford's Dr. Tina Selig. So, Dr. Selig, the next thing I wanted to talk about was this. Why does taking risks, whether it's a small financial risk or it's a small social risk or it's a small physical risk, small intellectual risk to put yourself out there, why does that create luck? Oftentimes, it's because you get yourself out of your comfort zone. There are such great examples. Let me tell you a story that sort of encapsulates a number of these principles.

53:39There was a young man who reached out to me a few months ago. Maybe actually, maybe it's about a year ago. This young man, his name is Oliver. And he reached out to me after he watched my TED Talk on luck. And he said, you know what? I really resonate with all of this and I want to become a luck coach. Okay. I said, a luck coach? That sounds like a great idea. And he said, could I just have five minutes of your time? I just want to talk to you. And I said, I would be delighted. So I set up a time to talk to him and we had a really nice chat.

54:10Mel Robbins:By the way, you could either look at that one moment and say, well, he was really lucky that you said yes. He was really lucky that it was you and not some curmudgeon professor. But I think your point is, if he hadn't taken the risk to ask for the meeting, it never would have happened. Of course. And so he's creating the luck just to kind of get you to understand. Because most people think, oh, I should reach out to Tina. And then you go, but she's so busy and she's not going to have time. And I don't want to be a burden. And what do I actually say with the email? And da, da, da, da, da, da. So you talk yourself out of doing the thing that could actually create the luck that you want.

54:54Exactly. And it could have been that I didn't respond, right? Because there are so many examples where you have to send a letter to 500 people before you end up getting a couple people who respond to you. Of course. But here's the thing. I did respond. I was intrigued. I had just started working on this book. And I said, oh, that's interesting a lot, coach. Let me find out what he's doing. and he told me and I spent literally five, 10 minutes on the phone with him. And this is important. He asked for a five minute favor, a very small thing that was going to be an easy thing. He made it himself easy to help.

55:28Just five minutes of your time. So afterwards, what did he do? He sent me a thank you note. Now, do you know how many people do not send thank you notes? it is the most amazing thing when someone does something for you it is a huge missed opportunity if you do not send a thank you note so he did the right thing he sent a thank you note but he didn't stop there he sent me a long list he sent me a document with all these ways he could help me said I understand you know you're writing a book on luck here are different ways I can help you I was so intrigued. Now, nothing that he listed was exactly what I wanted, but I thought, oh, this guy, he really took the initiative here.

56:12And I hired him as a research assistant for the book. Now, I had never, ever used a research assistant for any of my books, ever. So this was, but I thought, you know, I think he might be able to help me. So I hired him as a research assistant. Over the next months, I got to know him and our calls. There's a whole chapter in the book about him. Now, this all started with him asking for a five-minute favor. I love the thank you note example.

56:38Mel Robbins:You know what I love about the way you're teaching us this is the risk assessment that you do on yourself reveals the things that you value and how your actions are probably holding you back. And that's a core part of really building the sailboat of who you are. And the second part was the crew. So how do you build the crew? Exactly, exactly. So asking for what you want, but also helping other people. The more you help other people, it comes back in wave upon wave upon wave. It's really important to understand that the more you give to other people, the more comes back to you. And I can tell you so many examples because when I talk to people about what makes them lucky, you start realizing that one of their key characteristics is their generosity.

57:26their generosity to others you know how can i help you how can i help you seeing someone as a problem and helping them it comes back oftentimes when you help somebody in a little way it was so meaningful you might even forgotten you did it the resulting feedback you get the resulting impact is so much more.

57:51Mel Robbins:Why does helping other people make you luckier? Because so many, so few people do it. So many people are just, you know, thinking about themselves. I have a great example of a fellow named Nir Eyal, who when he was younger, he was selling solar panels and he was going door to door to door, door to door to door, selling solar panels. And there were so many people who didn't really want solar panels and they go, but I do want to save energy. I'm looking for a heat pump. Well, he noticed that someone else in the neighborhood was putting in heat pumps. He didn't know this guy at all. But he said, you know, I saw this other guy is putting in heat pumps, doing a really good job, and started recommending him.

58:33Well, this guy found out, said, wow, you're recommending me. I don't even know who you are. He said, well, I saw you were doing a good job on heat pumps. And guess what? This guy started recommending him for solar panels. And his business boomed. And it came from just being generous in recommending someone else.

58:49Mel Robbins:Do you have another example, Tina, of something that I could do today that would also help me experience this? There's so many things you can do to show appreciation to others. One of the biggest gifts you can give someone is to introduce them to someone else. And the warmer and the more positive the introduction, the more powerful it is as a gift. It's one of the things that we so often miss that opportunity. But when you introduce someone to someone else in a really warm and wonderful way, you've not only created a great opportunity for them, but I can promise you it comes back to you in many ways because people are so incredibly grateful to have had that generous introduction.

59:37Mel Robbins:You know, another thing that I just thought of, and you'll have to tell me if this is an example, is if I'm standing in a line or if I'm ordering coffee at a coffee shop, I always compliment something that the person's wearing or their nails or their haircut or their smile. And it always opens up both this like positive energy exchange. I agree with you. Totally. In fact, I think it's one of the best things you can do is like say, I love that color on you or, you know, or wow, you know, your haircut. Did you get a cut? And honestly, this is not— Well, I mean, like, you and strangers, I'm like, I love your nails.

1:00:16Mel Robbins:Or you have the best smile. And people just light up. I agree with you. But it should be authentic. It's not as—it's not that you're doing it to be manipulative. No. It's like, really, you do love their nails. Of course. Or their haircut. Of course. Or the purple sweater. Yes. Yes, exactly. I also experience something coming alive and the energy shifting with a stranger while I'm standing in line. And I feel that just that simple thing, try it today. If you're standing in a line, see something authentically about the person in front of you or behind you and give them a compliment. And if you make this a habit, you'll start to have the doors of luck open up for you.

1:01:01Mel Robbins:Before I had a podcast and I was depressed in a new town and I had no friends, I forced myself to stir the pot because I realized after six months of sitting alone as a 53-year-old woman with no friends in the middle of nowhere because we've just moved to living somewhere for 26 years, feeling sorry for myself. Funny, that didn't make friends fall out of the sky, but I still like licked my wounds and felt sorry for myself. And I'm so unlucky because now I've moved and I don't have friends. I started changing my luck by forcing myself to get out of the house and going to a coffee shop, complimenting the person making the coffee, making myself remember their name, going back the next day, saying their name, complimenting something else, making small talk, one move day after day after day and slowly I made my own luck.

1:01:58Mel Robbins:I met friends. I built a community. I now walk into that coffee shop. I probably get more free croissants than anybody else because not that I'm lucky, I created the opportunity for what I actually wanted, which was community and friendship. What is the third thing that we need to do to catch the winds of luck? Great. So the first was building your ship, right? This is all the internal stuff and the internal things like your values, the story you tell about yourself, your risk profile, your goals. Then the second part is recruiting your crew, right? I like to say luck seldom sails solo, right?

1:02:41Luck usually comes as a result of your engagement with other people. And so this is asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, all sorts of things that allow you to build your team. The third is based on the quote that we hear all the time, the harder I work, the luckier I get. Have you ever heard that? Of course. Of course. It's true. Okay. But, but, but there's a missing part there. Just as fortune favors a prepared mind, You need to know what a prepared mind is. The harder I work, the luckier I get. You need to know what that hard worker is.

1:03:20Mel Robbins:That's true. Okay, you need to know what it is. It's easy to say that. I've had a debate for decades with my father about this. Actually, I agree. Because I've worked very hard spinning in place. So I'm excited for you to unpack that there's a certain type of hard work. There's so much. There's so much you can do. And so much has to do with taking some risks, stirring the pot, you know, introducing yourself to the person standing next to you in line for coffee, stretching beyond your comfort zone. One of the other ones that I loved is that you need to, quote, capture luck, that luck favors those who ask questions.

1:04:03Mel Robbins:Why does asking questions increase your chance for luck? Great. This is chapter 14 of your book. One of the biggest tools we have for capturing luck is being curious. And boy, you are so curious, right? And it really leads to a lot of luck because you ask lots of questions. And the more questions you ask, the more curious you are, the more you learn. I always like to tell my students that before something's your passion, it's something you know nothing about. And this is really important. People want to sit around and say, oh, I need to find my passions. Well, what a crazy thing. Go out and do things.

1:04:43Be curious. Try lots of things. Keep what works. The more curious you can be, the more questions you can ask, and the better listener you are. The more you meet people and listen and learn from them, you are going to walk away with things that you never knew before and opportunities that will present themselves that you never even imagined.

1:05:08Mel Robbins:Well, I love that we keep coming back to this framework that's reminding me, and I'm sure it's reminding you as you're listening or watching, that this research and this framework that you're teaching us about luck and becoming a luckier person is really about intentionally making decisions to put yourself in a position to have the things that you want. Because I think, you know, common sense tells you if you want to meet the love of your life, you're probably not going to do it sitting alone on your couch, binge watching television. Exactly. And yet when, and then you can sit there and just, well, I'm just really unlucky in love and I've just met the wrong people and that may be true about your past, but that doesn't have to be true about your future.

1:05:58Mel Robbins:And there are specific things that you're teaching us to do that can make you one of the lucky ones to meet that person at the bar in your pajamas, but it's going to require something of you. Exactly. We each have more agency than we may think. And there are so many levers at our disposal. You know, there are like 20 different things you can do every single day, whether it's, you know, asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, taking some risks, learning to be more resilient, on and on and on, right? Resolving conflicts. But there's something very, very important to keep in mind.

1:06:35Luck is a long game. Luck is like investing money. You start out putting little deposits and it compounds over time. You need to trust the process that the more deposits you make by doing these things that increase the possibility of good things happening, that they do. But I see people all the time walk right by opportunities. This is why I wrote this book, is because I see so many people. It's like they're gold coins sitting there. And I see them walk by it. You have to have a mindset that there is a prize in every room. It's up to you to find it. Yes. And with that mindset, you find it. It's like the$5 project, right?

1:07:23You know, oh, not everybody is sitting there saying I should set up a bike tire pressure monitor in the middle of campus. But once you were given the challenge, create some value. People did.

1:07:35Mel Robbins:You know, of all the tools that you're sharing, which, you know, as you're listening and you're probably just like me, as you're listening to Tina, Dr. Selig talk, you're probably like, okay, I could do it. I could take a risk. I could see. I get it. I see how like sitting back, staying silent, hoping somebody finds me, not asking for what I want, not stirring the pot, not getting out of my house. I can see how I need to shift things. But if you're listening and you're feeling skeptical, maybe you're feeling a little beaten up by life, what do you want the person to know about how this truly makes a difference over time?

1:08:20Yes. It is critically important to realize that the choices you make today determine the choices you are going to have in the future.

1:08:31Mel Robbins:You know, if somebody feels really unlucky right now, what's the first thing they should do this week? I would say, if you were going to pick one thing, do something to stir the soup. Do something to add something new to your life. Remember, We are all one decision away from a completely different life. Apply for the job. Introduce yourself to the person in line. Do something to stir the soup, to open the door to something new. Dr. Tina Selig, what are your parting words? I wish everyone the very, very best of luck. And I know, I know that the choices you make today are going to be reflected over and over again in waves and waves of good luck into the future.

1:09:25Mel Robbins:Thank you so much for being here. I love you. I appreciate you. I'm so grateful you're doing all this research for all of us. And there's no doubt in my mind that if you apply this, you will be luckier. Thank you so much. Well, thank you. And I also want to thank you. And I want to point something out. And I bet that Tina is going to say, Mel, that's right. The fact that you hit play on this episode, especially if somebody shared this episode with you, the fact that you stirred the pot in your own life, you took a risk and hit play and you spent time watching or listening all the way to the end is an example of what you are talking about, Tina.

1:10:09Mel Robbins:that you took an action aligned with something that you want, which is you do want to be luckier in life. You do want life to break in your direction. You do want to open up the sail and capture the winds of opportunity. And I'm grateful that you spent the time listening and watching something that is really going to help you do that. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life and if you follow the formula that Dr. Selig shared with us today, there is no doubt in my mind that you will create a better life because you're going to be a lot luckier because you will have created it.

1:10:53Mel Robbins:All right, I will see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

1:11:02Stop anytime. I mean, if I have hair in my face or need lipstick or whatever. Oh my God, I'm so excited for this. You are so great. You know what? How do you keep your level of enthusiasm for all of your guests? Because it's amazing, just the incredible, as I said, generosity you have towards everyone.

1:11:20Mel Robbins:Well, I'm super intellectually curious, as is everybody who works here. Second, we are very, very aware of the good that it's doing and the impact that it's making. The director, oh my God, how do I say that word? Okay. The director emerita of the Stanford Technology Ventures Program and executive director of Knight Hensley. Hensley? Hensley? I cannot say. I'm sorry. I'm terrible at pronunciation. Knight Hennessey. Okay. Good. Okay, great. Good story. All right. Fantastic. Anything else? No, you did dynamite. You did dynamite.

1:11:58Mel Robbins:Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know, what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

1:12:33Mel Robbins:Sirius XM Podcasts.

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