PSG pummel Chelsea as Real rock City - will Pep’s men slip up at West Ham?

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1:34Benji Lanyado: The Athletic FC.

1:43James Richardson: Totally Football Show special. Are we the farmers? edition as the Premier League's Champions League blowout continues. Call him Thedi Valworldi, right? as City have epic fail v Real. Chelsea and Paris also end in failure thanks to Karaschkelia while Arsenal he who lives by the corner falls by a by a corner. We'll talk about all of that then. Look out here comes the Premier League again. We'll look at the title race the drive for top five the battle to survive and more in this Totally Football Show.

2:17James Richardson: Thursday the 12th of March woohoo welcome to another Totally Football Show. Today, Duncan Alexander from The Athletics with us. Hello, James. Hi to you, Tom Williams from Canal Blue.

2:30Duncan Alexander: Hello. Bonjour, James.

2:31James Richardson: Is that a fair kind of appellation?

2:35Duncan Alexander: I mean, I work for them also. I mean, yeah, sure.

2:38James Richardson: Sounds good as well because you're going to do some PSG chat. Yeah. And the man from Pickfair is here, Benji Laniardo. Hey, Jimbo. All right, CEO of Pickfair. That's one, thank you. You've paid the cost to be the boss. You're also, I read, the inventor of the James Garner Index

2:56Benji Lanyado: Yep, just you wait I've got some amazing stuff for you Okay

3:00James Richardson: It's coming Alright, Benji, you also just revealed Just before we pressed record today That you are a concert violinist

3:08Benji Lanyado: No, not a concert Are you playing a concert?

3:10James Richardson: I'm playing in a concert the night before the live show

3:12Benji Lanyado: On the violin? Yes, I am Alright then

3:14Tom Williams: I mean, are you more Vanessa May or Nigel Kennedy?

3:17Benji Lanyado: Neither Although, I have met Nigel Kennedy he actually inspired he came to my primary school this is true I know that because he says it every single time he came to my primary school played the violin and that inspired me to play the violin because he was wearing a villa kit whilst playing so I was like okay you can like football and classical music wow what a revelation

3:36Duncan Alexander: for a young

3:37Benji Lanyado: did you mistake it

3:38Duncan Alexander: for a West Ham kit is that what I think

3:40Benji Lanyado: I appreciated the colour scheme at the time

3:42Tom Williams: he played a concert for the England players during the 1990 World Cup and the photos were incredible because they looked so bored they were all like sat like that on the table.

3:50Benji Lanyado: But they were out on... There's some great stories about this, when Nigel Kennedy was out on a boat off the coast of... Where were they? In Naples? Oh, where they... Gazzas swims. That's right. And suddenly, someone swims up to the boat and gets on, and it's Gaza. It's Gaza, yeah. And then they proceed to have a lovely old afternoon. You've read All Played Out by Pete Thomas. I haven't, but... Have you not? I've certainly heard the anecdote. Or is it Pete Davis? Might be Pete Davis. Pete Davis. Pete Davis.

4:11James Richardson: You haven't read All Played Out by either Pete Thomas or Pete Davis. The former, because it doesn't actually exist yet. All right. perhaps you'll bring your violin one day in Benji and play for us maybe when we're talking about Spurs and their end of season I don't know anyway

4:29Benji Lanyado: I would need the world's smallest violin

4:31Duncan Alexander: maybe when all the English clubs go out of the Champions League in the last 16 well Tom

4:35James Richardson: thanks for bringing us back on point English side six teams involved in the last 16 none of them won this week no no no no none of them received a hero's welcome out to Liverpool Newcastle and Spurs on Tuesday Wednesday winless for Arsenal, who drew 1-1 at Leverkusen in the early game. Chelsea, who got done 5-2 at Paris Saint-Germain. And Man City, who lost 3-0 at Real Madrid to that Fede Valverde hat trick. It's the first day in the history of this competition. The two English clubs have lost by three goals on the same day. Also on Wednesday night, 3-0 win for that. Bodo Glimt against Sporting Club de Lisbon.

5:16James Richardson: That Bodo Glimt, eh? Crikey. five of the six English clubs were away from home and there is potential for some of them to go through but is there, well two questions actually one, is there a reason for this and two, Tom Petty says is that fifth Champions League spot on account of the coefficient now in danger, Duncan? It's not. Okay, the first question then. So we spent ages... I mean, just to plan slightly. Okay.

5:41Tom Williams: The English teams racked up so many wins in the league stage that that helps Plus, we still have three teams in Forrest and Villa in the Europa League. I'd say if six or seven of them go out next week, then we might be in trouble. But even then, it's probably still up in the air.

6:03James Richardson: Broadly speaking, we spent months talking about, particularly in the case of Spurs, who were doing great in the Champions League, but really badly in the Premier League. We were citing that as an example of effectively the difference in quality between the Premier League and the Champions League. So how come it suddenly proved to be the other way around? I mean, it's amazing.

6:25Duncan Alexander: Like English football obsesses over corners and like hitting the big lad up front. And then their clubs find themselves being dazzled by such unfamiliar concepts.

6:35Tom Williams: Why is it that all of a sudden English clubs have come up short? There's a false narrative that's emerged this morning and last night, which is that English clubs are so obsessed with corners and set pieces that they've suddenly ventured onto the continent and been baffled. But City lost around Madrid because they decided to not play in midfield. But that's part of it.

6:54Duncan Alexander: Because they have all set themselves on this footing, a lot of them have lost the ability to play with the kind of control that characterised their... But you look at Manchester City, the extent to which Guardiola has adopted this new blueprint. The reason that City are so terrible in the second half of their matches in all flight is because they no longer know how to control games. Specifically like Champions League knockout games.

7:16Tom Williams: They changed what's been working in the Premier League for a formation that baffled every Manchester City. Three wingers away at Real Madrid was just odd. You're calling this week a freak? It wasn't their normal approach. That's the point.

7:26Benji Lanyado: Yeah, I do think it's a freak that City did some weirdness that we can talk about. a bit of sort of Pep shenanigans Real Madrid are kind of a Valverde hat-trick it's kind of freakish right in the Spurs game a kind of disastrous goalkeeping performance sort of

7:42James Richardson: are you calling Spurs defeat a freak

7:44Benji Lanyado: well put it this way I don't think Atletico Madrid would have beaten them 3-0 by 3 goals without that kind of disastrous start and then also I think the Chelsea game that didn't feel at all like a 3-goal difference in that game I mean it wasn't so all 3 of them I think had freakish elements and ultimately I mean, Liverpool and Arsenal are going to go through.

8:03James Richardson: I think Lady Bracknell would say something about that. Well, you could have one disappointing result, but to have six of them... Who is Lady Bracknell for the uninitiated?

8:12Tom Williams: Points of being earnest. Oh, right. And soccer Saturday. And kind of pre-mean... She's on soccer Saturday because of that sort of insight. Is she? Yeah. Yeah, I think, to Benji's point, that I don't think you can attribute the woes of English teams this week. There are plenty of things you can attribute it to. but it's not to some sort of like muscular set piece obsession at all.

8:37Duncan Alexander: Well, not just the set pieces, the more direct football. I think it makes them less well equipped for playing specifically knockout football in the Champions League because if you don't look after the ball, you get punished more and that's what we've seen quite a lot.

8:50James Richardson: And that wasn't the case in the league phase, you feel, because it wasn't knockout football, I'm not sure. Tell you what, why don't we get into a more forensic, game-by-game examination of Wednesday's results, starting off, Tom, with the action at the Park des Prongs. This is the Totally Football Show with James Richardson, part of the Athletic FC podcast network.

9:38James Richardson: Tom, what went on there?

9:40Duncan Alexander: That was my esteemed Canal Plus colleague, Paul Choucriel, in the commentary box and saying, yeah, the fifth goal for PSG, a double for Kvyshev Kraskelia, that could be the goal that qualifies them. And it could well be, in addition to the other four.

9:56James Richardson: Of course. Four, five, two, the final score at the Parc des Princes. Tactical Luddites, Chelsea, fussing around over their corners, got caught up by the Nouvelle Vague of French tactical noose. Benji and you were just saying, it didn't seem like a five, two game, did it? Very even, Chelsea twice came from behind, at least until about a quarter of an hour ago when Kovara came on.

10:21Duncan Alexander: Yeah well even I mean it was I think a combination of Karach Galia coming on but in particular the extremely costly error that Chelsea goalkeeper Philipp Jürgensen made with 16 minutes remaining. PSG went ahead twice. Chelsea pegged them back twice. So it was 2-2 when Kvarskoglia came on. It felt very finely balanced, like it could go one way or the other. And not for the first time this week. We saw a goalkeeper being somewhat surprisingly promoted to first-team responsibilities, making a huge mistake. His pass is intercepted by Badibarcola. Kvarskoglia tees up Vitinha, who beautifully loves it.

11:06James Richardson: But also, merit to Barcola for a brilliant bit of pressing. The way he closes down the angle and then shifts to block the resulting pass, I thought was exceptional. But you're right, Virginia's goal. Was Virginia's goal that one? Virginia's goal, yeah, yeah.

11:19Duncan Alexander: I mean, like Barcola, it was the fact that he started that basically pushed Farris Gallier onto the bench. But Barcola has been in good goal-scoring form of late, three and three in Ligue 1. And Luis Enrique decided that he was going to put Ousmane Dembele in his habitual false nine role and went for Desiree Douai over Kraut-Galier, I think as much for defensive reasons as anything else because when PSG didn't have the ball, Douai dropped back into midfield. And Kraut-Galier has been criticised a little bit in recent weeks for shooting an awful lot and not scoring. So he decided to repair that last night by shooting an awful lot and scoring.

11:58James Richardson: Scoring twice and producing an assist. A brilliant cameo from the Georgian. Dwey who as much as Chelsea had led to the fifth PSG goal themselves set up Chelsea's second equaliser I think it was when Dwey gave the ball away for all his other fine work Kavanagh Schkeli's first was it the first goal where everybody knows what he's going to do but nobody can stop him one of those just can't stop him a reverse Robin

12:25Duncan Alexander: and it's funny because he has occasionally played on the right and through the middle in recent weeks everyone knows his best position is on the left and he's generally competing with Barcola to play there, albeit Dwey can play there as well. But yeah, I mean, you saw last night what he can do when you put him on the pitch and allow him to play in his best position. It helped that the game had become so stretched at that point because I think Chelsea felt that there was potentially a victory there for the taking.

12:51Tom Williams: Well, they scored, didn't they? It was disallowed to go 3-2 up.

12:54Duncan Alexander: Yeah, yeah. So yeah, a pretty close game. I mean, PSG scored five goals from an expected goals of 0.87. Yeah, how is that possible? I think which demonstrates the quality of their finishing. I mean, all five goals were really nicely taken. 5-2 flattered PSG quite a lot, I think. But I felt it was quite similar to the game that PSG played last season against Manchester City, which basically started their run towards glory in the Champions League. Home fixture against an English team, slightly open, slightly chaotic fixture. They were also previewing a new kit last night, as they had been against City last season.

13:36Duncan Alexander: What was the inspiration for that, Tom? It's called something to do with the night. I did look this up. It's their fifth kit. Obviously, four wasn't quite enough to get them to the end of the season. And obviously, they saw what had happened last season when they brought the new kit out. So, you know, why not try it again?

13:53Tom Williams: Just looking at the numbers from that game, you mentioned PSG's XG. Chelsea's was 1.6, so quite a bit higher. They had four opt-to-define big chances compared to PSG's two. The muscular, evil Premier League team conceded seven fouls. The delicate Continental's 14. So, yeah, I'm not sure we can, as you say, I don't think it was a 5-2 game.

14:15Duncan Alexander: But there was a funny article in Le Keep prior to the game yesterday talking about the difference in approach with regard to physicality between PSG and Chelsea and saying PSG are too nice. They never get any players sent off. They never commit any fouls. Luis Enrique takes that very seriously. Chelsea, on the other hand, are having this record-breaking season of red cards, and maybe PSG needs to take a leaf out of Chelsea's book. And I did think, I mean, this wasn't the all-conquering PSG from last season, but I thought particularly off the ball, they looked much more like the PSG of last season.

14:52Duncan Alexander: The pressing, the counter-pressing was very aggressive. Some of Luis Enrique's decisions were slightly peculiar. He had Ashraf Hakimi man-marking Enzo Fernandes, following him all around the pitch whenever Chelsea had the ball. And as a consequence, Marquinhos found himself up against Pedro Neto. And that didn't work at all because Pedro Neto is extremely quick and Marquinhos is extremely not. And that's where Chelsea's second goal came from. Neto burning past Marquinhos, squaring for Fernandes. So that was curious.

15:20Tom Williams: They did find one person who could deny Pedro Neto there in the stadium. Should have. Yeah. The ball boy incident.

15:26Duncan Alexander: but Pederneta did apologise afterwards.

15:28James Richardson: Yes, not a 5-2, but at the same time I've checked and it certainly was 5-2. So is it over?

15:37Duncan Alexander: Probably, but I mean, Chelsea beat PSG 3-0 in the Club World Cup finals, so they know that they are capable of doing that. And this isn't yet the completely sort of invulnerable PSG of last season. And again, even saying that, I mean, you go back to PSG's Champions League campaign last season, They wobbled massively in the second leg against Aston Villa. They wobbled at times against Arsenal in the semifinals. They were so indebted to Gianluigi Donnarumma. So I think it's possible for Chelsea, but unlikely.

16:10James Richardson: All right. Safinov, not yet.

16:13Duncan Alexander: Yeah, I mean, he's a poor man's Donnarumma, fundamentally. And, you know, you look at the first Chelsea goal, a more accomplished goalkeeper probably saves that he wasn't terrible but he's just not an elite goalkeeper and that's a concern for PSG even if they do manage to rekindle the magic of last season they wouldn't have won the Champions League last season without arguably the world's best goalkeeper so can they do it again this season playing less good football and with a significantly less good goalkeeper

16:43Benji Lanyado: I think at least three maybe four of our teams will go through so I think we can say Arsenal almost certainly will go through Liverpool Paul feels quite likely and then of the rest I think that there is a chance that at least one out of Newcastle, Man City or Chelsea will do a madness certainly you know City and Chelsea being at home the possibility of madness happening is relatively high also can I just make a quick point about XG.

17:15James Richardson: Yeah.

17:16Benji Lanyado: Anyone else having this feeling this season repeatedly that XG's sort of robotic head's gone?

17:23James Richardson: Not fit for purpose.

17:24Benji Lanyado: Well, I've seen a number of times Well, no, but like in the PSG's XG of less than one look at all those chances. I know this is like especially like the Vitinha chance. The keepers off his line They had no shots

17:42Tom Williams: in the six yard box. all their shots were basically in line in and around the penitentiary spot.

17:46Benji Lanyado: Maybe I'm starting to question the actual...

17:48Tom Williams: No, but if people shoot from the positions they shoot, they shot from in that game, they're like 0.1, 0.12...

17:56James Richardson: But they actually did and they scored five goals. Yeah, because they're a good team. What Benji, I feel, is saying, should the matrix be readjusted?

18:02Benji Lanyado: Taking into consideration, not just where they are in a six-yard box, but what is around them. I'm very close to that.

18:08Tom Williams: When I have a shot, it's 1.0 xG, because I believe in it.

18:12Benji Lanyado: I just think that increasingly it is not as much of a slam dunk statistic as I thought it was. Because again, West Ham had a game against Bournemouth a few weeks ago that was 0-0. And West Ham had an XG of like 3.5. It was like the highest ever XG. I watched that game and it was an incredibly even game. A draw was absolutely the right result. So the XG stat was completely misleading. I'm just sort of wondering if anyone... Is this a chain of events rather than an isolated incident? Is XG getting poorer?

18:43James Richardson: I think football's evolved beyond XG's original parameters. However, that is a subject which we can maybe touch on. But also I think it's important not to hold too much door by XG

18:53Duncan Alexander: when it comes to analysing a single game. It's more useful when it comes to analysing trends.

18:58James Richardson: You brought it up, Tom, in relation to this game.

19:00Duncan Alexander: Well, because it is, you know, because it...

19:03James Richardson: It was a remarkable...

19:05Duncan Alexander: It demonstrated the quality of PSG's finishing and the unlikelihood of them winning 5-2 and kind of backs up the general feeling people had watching the game that it was a slightly flattering scoreline. Yeah. So XG has done its job. True points, yeah.

19:18James Richardson: Yeah. I mean, you could also say that with that XG. I must admit, I do question it's...

19:25Benji Lanyado: Maybe it needs an update.

19:26Tom Williams: I think it's turning, Duncan. You thought you got it in and... I mean, this is absolutely nonsense. Tell someone it's performing. Turn it off and on again.

19:32James Richardson: I think it's an interesting guide, but I do believe that the way that football is played now is maybe not reflected by the numbers that XG suggests.

19:42Tom Williams: Well, I think we're seeing some incredibly good... I mean, again, it goes against the current narrative that current players can't shoot or dribble. I think they pretty much can. And because defenders are so good now, that you have to shoot in the way that PSG did last night with very high quality.

19:57James Richardson: So it should be upgraded. Excellent. Next up, we're going to get on to... Real Madrid, Man City.

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21:46Duncan Alexander: This is the Totally Football Show part of the Athletic FC Podcast Network The Athletic is the only place you can read articles by Daniel Taylor, Amy Lawrence, Phil Hay James Pearce, Oli Kaye and the very best football writers around.

22:12James Richardson: Disappointing Benji lack of the... Yeah, I was waiting for the binaries.

22:16Benji Lanyado: The Morse code, sorry, yeah.

22:18James Richardson: But in no other regards was it in any way disappointing that third goal of a magnificent first half hat-trick from Feddy. Valverde, a tip of the sombrero to the Uruguay. An absolutely majestic performance, saluted by the various injured Real Madrid teammates in the stands who seem to be losing their minds, particularly over that third goal. What a hat-trick. Duncan, you were watching this game. Yeah. Words. What was the XG on that goal?

22:47Tom Williams: Actually, that's a good point. We'll look it up. But no, I mean, that third goal, I think it's gone straight into my top five favourite goals. Of all time? Of all time. Yeah. What, the other four? Well, not, as we've discussed in this place before, not Sedan's in the 2002 Champions League final, because that was a lucky hit. But yeah, I mean, I think the geometric precision, not once but twice in that goal, where Brahim Diaz just lifts it over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Valverde just... And Mark Gay, he jumps, and he's like, well, I'm going to connect this ball, because science tells me I'm going to connect this ball.

23:22Tom Williams: And then he doesn't. And he almost has a look on his face as he lands of like, how did that get over my head? And then he turns and he just sees Valverde volley, but right off the end of his foot as well. And it's like, that's what keeps it down as well. If he'd caught it on the laces, it probably would have gone over. But it's just beautiful.

23:39Duncan Alexander: Chains are sure long stuff. There's no higher compliment than that. The first goal was pretty nice as well.

23:45Benji Lanyado: Well, all three of his finishes, this is why I was talking about it, as a bit of a freak. He finished all three so well. and it's so sort of like I think quite brutally exposed Pep's weird line-up so a lot of things conspired for this result but ultimately it could have been more and maybe should have been with the penalty in the second half right

24:04Duncan Alexander: it's a curious decision that Jean-Louis Jadonaruma made on the first goal to pull his arm away I think he thought he was closer to the edge of the penalty area than he actually was and was worried about committing a handball but Annie McCoy's picked this out in commentary if Jadonaruma just puts his hand out he probably stops that but he doesn't and we all know what happens

24:21Tom Williams: I also love a finish where a player's got a really tight angle as well, like Mark Hughes. And it's quite hard tonight. Yeah, I mean, for XG fans...

24:29Duncan Alexander: What are the other top four goals, Duncan?

24:31Tom Williams: I don't know off the top of my head.

24:32Duncan Alexander: Surely every football lover walks around with that list. OK, Tom, what's your favourite? My favourite goal of all time.

24:39Tom Williams: I'll step in here. I've seen Tom Williams score at the same end. This goal was better. Wayne Rooney against Newcastle when he's having a go at the ref. And then he just shrugs off the ref, runs forward, and hits the hardest volley you've ever seen in your life. That's always my number one. Hal Robson-Carnu, Wales against Belgium. There you go.

24:58Duncan Alexander: And that is up there.

24:59Benji Lanyado: What about you, Benji? Weirdly, do you remember Freddie Guarine scored from about 40 yards? Yes. For Porto? I don't know why. It always sticks in my head as being the most unbelievable goal. His celebration was good as well. Then I've got to mention, obviously, Di Canio against Wimbledon. Nice. Because I was there. Paez free kicks. Right. Crystal Palace and Man United away.

25:21Tom Williams: I saw Dean Windus score a 42-yard volley at Adams Park against Wickham for Hull. And it's the only time I've been in a game where the whole ground just spontaneously applauded. That was brilliant.

25:30Benji Lanyado: Because it was so good. Time to die. The sun's doing pretty nicely in the Championship at the moment, isn't he?

25:35James Richardson: OK. Sorry, you were going to say something quite different, I think.

25:37Tom Williams: Yeah, for the XG dissenters, first goal 0.53 because he's shooting into an open net. Fair play. Good job of the model. Second one, which was arguably the hardest finish, XG backs that up, 0.15. Decent. And then the one that we all love and will watch in our head many, many times, 0.67.

25:58James Richardson: So Neil Dunne, or Niall Dunne, says, Is Valverde the best midfielder in the world? I think one of the remarkable things about his performance last night, and it was a shock that he'd never scored a hat-trick before in his competition.

26:13Benji Lanyado: And scored so far this year in the competition.

26:14James Richardson: Yeah, but part of the reason surely for that is that he spent several decades, it feels like, playing at right-back, an emergency right-back for Real Madrid. And even last night, put in a real shift at the other end as well.

26:27Benji Lanyado: He was incredible, wasn't he?

26:28Duncan Alexander: I don't think he's one of the best midfielders in the world, but I think he symbolises something about Real Madrid that is very significant. He is the guy who just fills in where you need him to fill in. And when you need him to fill in at right-back, he will do it for a full season. And he'll provide balance in midfield. and when Kylian Mbappe isn't there and they need someone else to run in behind, he's the guy who runs in behind. And Arboloha compared him to Juanito after the game, the great Madrid striker of the late 70s, 80s, who was synonymous with this succession of completely improbable European comebacks that became part of Madrid legend.

27:01Duncan Alexander: Not the most talented player, but someone who just had this ability to rise to the occasion. And that is what Valverde is, sort of brings that Uruguayan... But he is talented. Four or five seasons ago, he was just banging in worldies. Super talented, but I don't think he's... I mean, he is among the top-ranking midfielders. But when you're listing the leading centre midfielders in the game, he doesn't necessarily get a mention. I don't think that really matters. He's just the ultimate guy who will do the job.

27:28Tom Williams: People take us the wrong way, but he's a bit like Ray Parler in Arsenal's peak because he's an exceptionally good player who fills in and does a brilliant job but is never going to be the superstar of the team. but occasionally has his day.

27:41Benji Lanyado: Occasionally gets amazing hat-tricks like Ray Parler.

27:43James Richardson: The superstars of the team were quite a few of them up in the stands watching. Duke Bellingham, Kylian Mbappe, because Rodrigo's not there as well. None of those players, and they pressed and harried City in a way that I think caught a lot of people by surprise. Discuss the relationship between those two facts. Yeah, could be.

28:03Benji Lanyado: Well, City also, I think, were the architects of their own downpour. I think this was absolutely an example of Pep overthinking shenanigans line-up. He did it in Madrid before, didn't he?

28:17Tom Williams: That ground sends in Di Valle.

28:19Benji Lanyado: But he did weird things all over the place. First of all, on the flanks, last time they played at the Bernabeu, Doku terrified Real Madrid and Nico O 'Reilly scored a header, I think. So he played those two on the flank. Very quickly, Real Madrid obviously learned from that. They tripled up on Doku. Often that was Valvodi as part of that. Nico O 'Reilly was then bombing up the flank. And of course, Valvodi being very intelligent, filled in the space. And that's where his first goal comes from. And actually the cross for the third goal was from where Nico O 'Reilly should have done better. And then on the other side, and this is the real madness, he played Kusinov as a right back.

28:58Benji Lanyado: And then Savinho, who's in no sort of form as the kind of right winger, and essentially played three wingers because Semenya was also in there. as Duncan mentioned, no midfield. And I think that in the kind of post-KDB era, City have got to have at least one of like Cherokee, Foden, Rangers in there adding a little bit of control. And he chose to start none of them. So this was like, obviously, Real Madrid were brilliant. They were ruthlessly good. Valverde was ruthlessly good in the first half. Should have been 4-0. But this was City's muck up as much as Real Madrid's brilliance, I think.

29:35James Richardson: What about Arboloha, whose position was once again being called into question? West Ham legend Arboloha. His Real Madrid side just over a week ago had lost against Getafe. They barely got past Celta Vigo at the weekend.

29:50Tom Williams: Well, it looks like Mr Arboloha, Senor Arboloha, has been learning from Senor Michael Cox. So he's on the right lines.

29:58James Richardson: So Arboloha follows Michael Cox on social media platforms.

30:03Tom Williams: Yeah, as we all do, hopefully.

30:05James Richardson: As we all do, yeah. And what was it that you saw from Michael Cox's...

30:10Tom Williams: Michael did an interesting piece last week looking at how a few teams led by the Corinthians women's team, I think, have started putting penalties, putting players on the side of the box. You can't go beyond where the penalty spot is, but you can go up to that point. And it's because he used a lot of trigonometry to show that if the ball rebounds to the side from a save, it is a shorter distance. and you've got a slightly hard chance, theoretically, of scoring. And it was noticeable that Goula, just as Vinicius was about to take his penalty, ran round to the left side of the box and was there.

30:43Tom Williams: And it almost worked because Donnarumma did save it, but obviously saved it the other side. And Abelola follows Michael Cox. So I'm saying that Michael might be shaping, you know, affecting the shape of modern football. It's remarkable, isn't it?

30:56James Richardson: Very good. It is the 29th time in the European Cup or Champions League that Real Madrid have won a first leg by three goals and they've never failed to go through after that. Pep afterwards saying 3-0 is better than 4-0, which is empirical. Simple maths. But what hope does anyone hold for City next week? Do you have them, Benji, and your famous teams that might somehow pull it off next week?

31:21Benji Lanyado: I think it's possible. I just think that, do you know what? We somewhat semi-deliberately ignored Spurs in our little round-up of teams that could turn it around next week. but both City and Spurs should have lost by more and therefore I think that narrative klaxon they might live to regret that

31:41Tom Williams: Right, okay, well we'll see I think the key thing for City is getting Erling Haaland into the game I mean he had 10 touches in that game one in the opposition box and no shots now there's certain other strikers if they produce those numbers in a Champions League game or a big game that would be headline news and it's the only thing that's necessarily his fault. I mean, as Benji explained, the way City set up was ridiculous, but they need to change that completely for the second leg.

32:10James Richardson: 3-0 is better than 4-0, but it's not as good, I would argue, as 3-1, which it would have been if Thibaut Courtois hadn't pulled off that remarkable save on Nick O 'Reilly. Vector says, where does the Courtois save on O 'Reilly's shot rank among the best saves in UCL history? Duncan, is that in your top five of saves ever? It's in my top six, yeah. Is it? Yeah.

32:31Tom Williams: It was great. I mean, it occurred to me watching that that, you know, Chelsea have not won the league since they had Thibaut Courtauld and goal. And then your eyes flitted across to the Parc de France. And you were like, oh, yeah, goalkeepers. Quite good, aren't they? Giving a goalkeeper is worth it.

32:46James Richardson: So, so true. David Raya had a big part to play in the 1-1 draw between Arsenal and Bayer Leverkusen. In Leverkusen, we'll get on to that over on the easy side of the draw next.

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35:15Duncan Alexander: You're listening to the Totally Football Show with James Richardson. Now we do four times a week. Keep up to date with us on Insta and enjoy us in glorious technicolour on YouTube at The Totally Show.

35:28Benji Lanyado: Havertz to make it 1-1.

35:37Benji Lanyado: Into the corner it went. No celebration from Kai Havertz. What a story of all the people. It's Kai Havertz who gets the equaliser.

35:50James Richardson: Arsenal, Wednesday night, had the first Champions League match this season that they haven't won. And the first time they've actually gone behind him, this was away at the Bayer Arena against Bayer Leverkusen. A 1-1 draw. And some people may have felt they were lucky to even come away with a draw. Leverkusen had taken the lead right at the start of the second half through, wouldn't you know,

36:13Tom Williams: a corner but the corner came for a very inventive kickoff so we're in an era of like you know Everton just smash it into the sky trying to hit a seagull um PSG even sorry they're from the continent but they hit it down um into the corner near the corner flag to play for touch by Leverkusen just passed it to each other and it's like run up the pitch I didn't know this was allowed but um it certainly baffled and surprised Arsenal um who just about got it clear for a corner.

36:41James Richardson: Well, Raya then made a brilliant save, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

36:45Tom Williams: And from the resulting corner. From that corner.

36:47Duncan Alexander: Yeah. On the goal, there was that touching moment on the touchline when Kasper Hulman, the Leverkusen coach, had a little playful word with Nikola Jova, the Arsenal set-piece, the most famous set-pieces coach in the world. I'd love to know what he'd said. Well, indeed. He seemed quite friendly.

37:02James Richardson: Watch this.

37:03Duncan Alexander: Not so good at corners now, are you, corner man?

37:06James Richardson: Was it that kind of vibe? Because this was reference and commentary I didn't see. it was very fleeting he turns afterwards and gesticulates

37:13Duncan Alexander: didn't see that one coming or got that one from you mate

37:15Tom Williams: your reign of terror is over yeah I think it could have been that

37:20Duncan Alexander: hopefully it was I'd have said well you wouldn't have said it then you would have thought of it ten minutes later it'd be too late I'm just saying one I mean obviously not dunking it would have come straight

37:29James Richardson: just like that it's Feist in here today Benji very good do you think that Kai Havertz should have been taking a penalty kick later on or rather Arsenal should have been awarded one after Maduweke went down with about five minutes to play in the 90.

37:45Duncan Alexander: I mean, it was curious because I think that they showed about nine or ten different angles on the replay. And in all of them but one, it looked like it wasn't a penalty. And then there was one where you saw that there had been a little bit of contact between, I think it was Tillman, the Leverkusen substitute, and Maduweke's heel. And so he went down. I mean, soft, but not a completely invented penalty. but yeah a bit soft

38:09James Richardson: Arsenal a bit soft what was up with the Gunners?

38:12Benji Lanyado: I think it was

38:13Tom Williams: Mikai Saka's worst performance of the season he was

38:17Benji Lanyado: captain Mikai Saka

38:18Tom Williams: he was terrible and I think it was notable that when Madueke came on for him early in the second half Madueke was Arsenal's best player for the whole game even though he only played in the second half he was outstanding and that kind of turned the game really and I think Arsenal deserved a draw maybe not via the method they got it but yeah I think they're probably satisfied to go back to North London level.

38:44James Richardson: Okay we'll see next week Tom.

38:46Duncan Alexander: Very impressed by Leverkusen's 19 year old Cameroonian forward Christian Kofan who I'd not heard of before who was playing up front in place of Patrick Schick who was only fit enough for the bench led the line on his own and did brilliantly he was up against William Saliba and Gabriel held the ball up really well worked the channels very well you know put in a proper shift and yeah was very close to helping his team to what would have been a very impressive victory

39:13James Richardson: Okay 1-1 though it is as they head to the Emirates next week whoever does come through that tie will be up against the winners of the Bodo Glimp Sporting Club de Lisbon affair which currently has Bodo Glimp very much in the driving seat 3-0 winners yesterday in the Arctic Circle that is now five wins in a row in the Champions League for the Norwegians. Crazy.

39:40Duncan Alexander: Yeah, incredible. And like the feel-good story of this season's Champions League, it also feels like we've opened up a new frontier in European football. We used to talk about difficult European away trips for the big clubs of Western Europe. They were always going east beyond the Iron Curtain. Those trips tend to be slightly less problematic these days, but there's a new problem trip up north. I watched the Bodo home games

40:05Benji Lanyado: and just think, oh, it'd be so fun to be there. You see the fans having an absolutely amazing time. Don't, Benji. Well, yeah, but I shouldn't get a ticket, you know. You shouldn't, no, no. You'd be denying. Well, who was the guy that you had on?

40:20James Richardson: Martin Schleipnis.

40:21Benji Lanyado: This was wonderful. He said that he'd spoken to people that had sold boats to go to their away games. If you were from Burda or indeed Glimt, you are having the time of your life right now.

40:32James Richardson: Well, that's exactly the way he's telling it as well. I'm not sure if he made it all the way down to Lisbon, but I hope we're going to be speaking to him again soon as they continue their progress, as they look set to do. Their entire squad is worth less than what Sporting made just off selling Victor Jokeres to Arsenal. Remarkable. Anyway, they go again on Tuesday. Back in Lisbon, of course, that time. There'll be a lot of boats sold to finance the away end for that, no doubt.

41:00Tom Williams: All years together.

41:01James Richardson: All years together. Why not? Possibly. Possibly. Anyway, that's the picture after the first legs of the last 16 in the Champions League. Big games coming up next week, but before that, of course, matchday 30 of the Premier League. And oh my word, is there drama and narrative there? We'll be getting into that next. This is the Totally Football Show with James Richardson,

41:24Duncan Alexander: part of the Athletic FC podcast network.

41:28James Richardson: Matchday 30 of the Premier League. As you'll recall, it's currently Arsenal. top of the table seven points clear of Man City having played a game more four teams are behind those two chasing the three remaining Champions League places that's Man United and Villa who are level on points and face each other this weekend and three points behind them Chelsea and Liverpool down the bottom Spurs are now just one point clear of Forest and West Ham and the bottom three Matchday 30 there's no early game on Saturday two matches at three o 'clock Burnley Bournemouth and Sunderland Brighton Two games at 5.30 on Saturday.

42:04James Richardson: That's Chelsea-Newcastle and Arsenal-Everton. Should Arsenal win that game, then by the time Man City kick off at 8 o 'clock on Saturday, they could be 10 points behind. Man City will be at West Ham, Benji. On Sunday, there are three games at 2pm. That's Palace Leeds, Man United, Aston Villa and Forest Fulham. And then at 4.30, prepare your rubberiest of Knicks for Liverpool against Tottenham Hotspur. Monday night, the round concludes with Brentford Wolves. Crikey. Ooh, Benji, West Ham man City. West Ham have got an epically bad record at home to City. I think home or away, actually. They haven't beaten City in a decade.

42:51Benji Lanyado: Yeah, but it's awful, but I've got the hope, Jimbo.

42:55James Richardson: Yeah, you have, haven't you?

42:56Benji Lanyado: Yeah.

42:57James Richardson: Have you got the hope because you remember what City did last weekend against Forest?

43:00Benji Lanyado: Well, it's more just that it feels like West Ham have got a bit of momentum. We are actually quite good now.

43:10James Richardson: Two defeats in the last 11 in all competitions.

43:13Benji Lanyado: Yeah, and quite a sort of morale-boosting winning the Cup on Monday. I was at Fulham last Wednesday when we... Well, actually, talking about draws, we did knock City out of a Carabao Cup a few years back. That's true. And you do wonder, with City having a wobble domestically, needing a bit of a miracle at the Etihad next week, whether we could do it. And I think Nuno should go for it, which he has been occasionally with West Ham. He's essentially played a couple of 4-2-4s. And there's another... 4-2-4s? Yeah, with essentially Somerville, Bowen, Tati and Wilson. Now, there's a slight asterisk to this, is that Somerville looks likely to be injured for the game on Saturday night.

44:01James Richardson: That's a big asterisk.

44:02Benji Lanyado: Well, enter Pep's nemesis, Adama Traore. He will surely deputise on the left wing. I'm interested in what the chaos factor might bring here. We saw how Kuzinov was essentially torn apart on the flank last night. Literally. Literally torn apart. Literally torn apart. Yeah, was it Adama? I mean, it was quite a few moons ago now. The Wolves game. Yeah, the Wolves game. Where Adama, I think this is 2019, and they won 2-0 at City, who were probably champions at the time.

44:29James Richardson: In my head, it's three or four, but yes.

44:31Benji Lanyado: It was just Adama tearing away. Yes. Now, as we're going to discuss shortly, this is not the same Adama, but there is potential for fun there.

44:41Duncan Alexander: It was baby oil, wasn't it, rather than Vaseline? It does appear to have stopped it. Baby oil. Olive oil. Baby oil.

44:47James Richardson: Other lubricants are available. Wow, Benji, that's quite the thought, because I had here, is Crescenzio okay? Question mark, question mark, question mark. That's my big question to you, but it might not be an issue. It kind of is, though, because he's been your best player this season, hasn't he? Yeah, him and the perennially brilliant Jared Bowen. OK, a win for West Ham would be not only the first time that's happened in over a decade, but would also take you out of the relegation zone for the first time since early December because Spurs and Forest don't play until Sunday. Wow. OK, anybody else share Benji's optimism that West Ham...

45:24Tom Williams: Of the three teams battling to avoid the last relegation spot, I do think West Ham are the best ones. So maybe not this weekend, but I do think they will get enough points. I think it's between Spurs and Forest for the drop of doom. Wow.

45:40James Richardson: Were they to get a point this weekend at home to City, it could spell the N4. City's remaining title hopes, assuming that Arsenal managed to beat Everton a little bit earlier on. Everton got the second best away record in the Premier League. Did you know that? What do you think, Tom? David Moyes at the Emirates? Well, he hadn't won there, had he, for ages?

46:00Duncan Alexander: And then he did win there with West Ham in 2023. So he's got the Emirates hoodoo out of his system. Everton, incredible away form. I think four wins in their last five on the road in the Premier League, which is decent going. Bit of a free hit. I mean, they're eighth in the table. They've had a good season going into it on the back of two successive wins. Been rested this week. Yeah, have been able to put their feet up by strategically going out of the FA Cup before everybody else. And yeah, Arsenal have this game sandwiched between the two legs of the Bayer Leverkusen tight. Need a result next week.

46:35Duncan Alexander: We'll probably have to rest players. Haven't been super convincing. I mean, one at Brighton in the most recent league fixture with pretty jammy deflected Bakayo Saka shot. I mean, you know, cue breezy 4-0 Arsenal win. But you don't have to try too hard to make a case for a surprise result here, I don't think.

46:52James Richardson: That's remarkable. Benji, is this where you'd like to deploy a James Garner index?

46:58Benji Lanyado: OK, if you don't mind. Everton also have two of the best players in the league. Now, what do I mean by that? So I've mentioned previously that I play a fantasy game that is based on opt-a-data. This is like a different level to your kind of muggle fantasy Premier League. So it computes a score for every player based on multiple data points. and so those data points

47:24James Richardson: you're happy with

47:24Benji Lanyado: those yeah I'm a big fan of data points I'm just I think XG needs to be recalibrated and turned off and on again anyway so according to this index the top 10 players in the league are Bruno by the way he's

47:37James Richardson: sorry you have to provide a bit of details how does the machine come up with these so essentially

47:41Benji Lanyado: it's customised it awards points based on each you know each data point so like a goal is still like you know 9 points or whatever compared to like an interception that's like 1.5 or an aerial duel that's like 0.5.

47:52James Richardson: So you can pick up points in a variety.

47:54Benji Lanyado: Yeah, and I will publish this so everyone can kind of look at how the index is made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it gives you a really good sense of who the best players in the league are.

48:03James Richardson: I feel you should be in front of, you know, one of those old-fashioned university lecture halls or wooden seats? With a long stick. And you'll be waving your papers and people will be banging their sticks and saying, no, humbug. So I would be banging my big long stick

48:15Benji Lanyado: at Bruno in first position, followed by Haaland, Rice, Semenyo, Saka, James Tarkovsky, Elliot Anderson, and now in number eight, and this is the one that I love the most, is James Garner. Right. Now, the reason I think this is notable... So he's not even the top James. Well, he's not the top Everton player. But ask any Everton fan. Any Everton fan will tell you that James Garner is having a phenomenal season. And probably, you know, it's being slightly overlooked. And it got me thinking, who are the other James Garners that have had, like, extraordinary glow-ups this season versus last? Oh, right.

48:49Benji Lanyado: Okay.

48:49James Richardson: I wanted to talk about the Rockford Fars, which was a great show. What is that? Let's. The Rockford Fars. Do you ever watch the Rockford Fars? I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, the Rockford Fars was a seminal 1970s, a seminal example of the 1970s genre of American PIs with a good heart, down on their luck. In James Carter's case, he was living out of a trailer and essentially supporting his rather sweet but rather idiot dad. and the paradigm was pretty simple. Every episode would begin with somebody leaving Jim, Jim Garner, a message on his answering machine. He had an answering machine, pretty newfangled technology.

49:29This is Jim Rockford.

49:30Benji Lanyado: At the tone, leave your name and message. I'll get back to you.

49:42James Richardson: So he would say, this is Jim Rockford. I'm not there. James Garner was the actor. This is Jim Rockford. not there and they'd say jam and then off he'd go good looking chap as well but did he did his

49:53Benji Lanyado: prospects or his performance improve episode on episode because then it would be no that would

49:57James Richardson: ruin the paradise he had to remain a lovably down at heel well this is yeah unfortunately that is

50:02Benji Lanyado: not continuous with the this modern james garner index because what this modern james garner has done is right followed a really disappointing season with an amazing one oh and so that is what this is trying to work out. It's essentially the player version of the Uncle Jeff index who is having a better season compared to their performances last season. I thought your name was

50:22Tom Williams: Uncle Jeff Coefficient.

50:24Benji Lanyado: Yes, well, but people have actually made an index out of it. Websites, indeed, Jimbo, where you rank... That you can't open. I'm pretty sure you can. That you rank the teams according to how they're doing against their performance last season. Anyway, I've got a handouts.

50:36James Richardson: So your numbers refer to how these players are doing against the teams...

50:39Benji Lanyado: Against versus their performances last season. So here you go. Thank you very much. So, I think there's stories to be told.

50:46James Richardson: These are star charts.

50:47Benji Lanyado: These are... What was that thing that Fabio Capello did?

50:50James Richardson: The Castrol Index.

50:52Duncan Alexander: The what?

50:53James Richardson: The Capello Index. The Capello Index. There we go. What was the Capello Index, Tom? Now, it was during... I'm so sorry about this, but thanks for indulging us. During your World Cup, wasn't it? Sorry, sorry. If you'd listen... Hang on, Benji. What was the Capello Index?

51:04Tom Williams: That was an ill-fated project involving Fabio Equalius. At the 2010 World Cup? Shortly before the 2010 World Cup, which then helped him alienate the squad.

51:15Duncan Alexander: And he had a little side project, which was his very own index, the Capello Index, which ranked players according to a variety of criteria.

51:23James Richardson: Including his own England squad. Yeah. And that worked out well. The James Garner Index, it says, I'm ready.

51:32Benji Lanyado: So this is looking, it's ranking every player and then looking at who has jumped up the ranks the most and who has fallen down the ranks the most. Okay. So if you look at the risers, you see a number of players that have had amazing seasons compared to what they were doing last year. So James Garner, embarrassingly, actually isn't top of the James Garner Index, but he is third. So why is it called the James Garner Index? Well, because I thought he's just such a kind of forgettable footballer, I thought, anyway. And it just blew my mind that suddenly he's the eighth best player according to this index.

52:05Benji Lanyado: I think it's good that he's not top. Okay, good. The player that is top is Marcos Senesi.

52:10James Richardson: Over the risers by rank.

52:12Benji Lanyado: He has risen 240 positions from 257th best player in the league to 17th. And if you go down, you can see other stories like Rhys James, who's having a brilliant season. He's jumped 175 places. The aforementioned Somerville. Chris Richards at Palace. Ask any Palace fan, they'll tell you how brilliant he's been. Harry Wilson. Harry Wilson. Harry Wilson's in there. Julian Timber's doing much better. Casemiro. What I think is also amazing is that a player that was already brilliant last season, Gabriel at Arsenal, has got even better. So he's now, according to this index, the 13th best player in the league.

52:40Benji Lanyado: And then you look at the fallers.

52:42James Richardson: Let's do that. That's what I want to do. Yeah, so that tells stories.

52:44Benji Lanyado: So in here you've got players like Milenkovic and Murillo at Forest. And top of the fallers by rank is... Is our mate Adama Traore. And everyone might think that's a bit weird. And this is slightly statistically skewed by the fact that he played a lot of games for Fulham last season. He's not played as much this season. I see. But also, I've seen him play this year. Like, he's played 20 games, you know, off the bench or started this year so far and done basically nothing. but other players that have fallen off a cliff Max Killman again at West Ham he was half decent at the beginning of last season is disastrous this year Kluivert's disappeared this year Alanga compared to how he performed last season I don't want to call it the Killman index

53:17Tom Williams: because he could get in trouble

53:18Benji Lanyado: that's true yeah we don't want anyone being hurt

53:22Tom Williams: from this

53:22Benji Lanyado: but then also players like Akaru Mitoma fantastic last season not as good this season Jacob Murphy wasn't he fantastic last season he was injured a lot

53:31Duncan Alexander: last season wasn't he Mitoma I think the season before he was very good

53:34Benji Lanyado: Anyway, I will publish this Where will you publish it, Benji? Probably on social media or something Because at the bottom, if you're curious about

53:42James Richardson: the 29 weighted optostats with which the James Garner Index I don't know if you've spoken to him about the naming rights but anyway, is constructed

53:51Tom Williams: You use the player's name, someone else's data and someone else's scoring system and you claim it as your own The criteria

53:57James Richardson: I just want to say that it's all listed at the bottom so you can find out

54:03Benji Lanyado: You don't see my name anywhere on this, although I will add it when I publish it. I just thought it was an interesting way of looking at the players who are having fantastic seasons.

54:12Duncan Alexander: When you invited us to come up with some suggestions for players who were kind of, you know, not over-performing this season but doing a lot better, my mind went blank. And then looking down this list, it's all them. There you go. There's the proof.

54:26James Richardson: If your mind goes blank during football conversations, this could be exactly the kind of thing you need, listener. follow Benji one just last thing

54:34Benji Lanyado: that I would add if you look at this season's top you look at this season's top 20 you see some of the kind of like really brilliant stories for example

54:42Duncan Alexander: Virgil van Dijk is 15th what hang on I've not been looking at this closely

54:46Benji Lanyado: well okay maybe not that then but Anton Stack in the top 20

54:49Duncan Alexander: love that

54:50James Richardson: okay I'm going to move on now not because this isn't great but because Duncan really expressed an interest to the desire to talk about Man United Aston Villa which is coming up Sunday at 2 o 'clock. Duncan, such a key match this for the top five race.

55:07Tom Williams: Yeah, huge. Villa traditionally struggle at Old Trafford. I mean, we can all remember games such as the Federico-Makeda match where United turned it around. I think they've won twice in their last 37 trips.

55:21James Richardson: Even last season when Man United were at their worst, Villa still contrived to lose there in the final game of the campaign and missed out on the Champions League as a result.

55:29Tom Williams: Which is interesting because as we discussed earlier the coefficient is not destroyed but it's taken a few you know hits this week Villa you'd expect to do quite well under Emery in the Europa League their performance could secure the Premier League's fifth Champions League spot and it could be a battle between United and Villa for that spot so Villa could inadvertently save the Premier League but doom themselves so yeah I think this will be I'd imagine Manchester United would be favourites

55:59Duncan Alexander: But just on that defeat, on the last day of last season, the one that cost Villa a place in the Champions League, they should never have lost that game because of the goal that was wrongly ruled out for a foul by Morgan Rodgers on... Who was the United goalkeeper in that game? It wasn't Inanna, was it? It was...

56:16Tom Williams: No, it was...

56:17Duncan Alexander: By Indira, I think? A fairly scandalous decision. And then immediately afterwards, United scored the winner. and as Duncan said, the Villa have already got a terrible record at Old Trafford. They will be haunted by the memory of what happened there last season. And their form has just fallen off a cliff. I think largely in part, or largely thanks to all the absentees at the moment. Boubacar, Camara, John McGinn, etc. McGinn is nearing a return. McGinn nearing a return. But then United go into the back of that defeat at Newcastle, which suggested that actually maybe they were slightly over-performing points-wise in the early days of the Michael Carrick era.

56:58Tom Williams: They've had a fabled week on the training ground where Villa were in Europa League action. That's so true against Lille Thursday night. They weren't even going to play Jadon Sancho because he's ineligible against his parent club. So yeah, I think this will be an intense and fun game. I mean, even United's last league title was secured with Wayne Rooney's long pass to Robin van Persie. I was there.

57:23Duncan Alexander: Were you there? Speaking of best goals ever, that is probably my top five goals that I've seen with my own eyes. With your own eyes?

57:30Tom Williams: How do you normally see goals?

57:34Duncan Alexander: Good question.

57:35James Richardson: Chelsea are in the mix for the top five. Three points behind Villa and Man United. They host Newcastle Saturday tea time. Of course, both sides were involved in midweek action, as were Liverpool and Tottenham, who will be facing each other 4.30 on Sunday. Liverpool currently level with Chelsea. They are the team in six-spot, set as it stands to miss out on Champions League football next time around. Liverpool Spurs is the highest-scoring fixture in Premier League history. We don't know how much longer it will be a fixture in Premier League history, but for now, that's one to get excited about, Sunday at 4.30.

58:13Tom Williams: Very different vibe to last season, where it was a game where Liverpool won the title and they romped to a big win. This time, two teams racked with existential dread.

58:28James Richardson: Sounds fun. Yeah. That's Sunday at 4.30 and that'll be followed, if you like seeing people rack with existential dread, by us recording live on YouTube our Monday morning podcast roundup, round about 7.15, I would think, or possibly 7.30.

58:42Benji Lanyado: Is Tudor going to be there still on Sunday? Well Benji

58:45James Richardson: We recorded a show All about Spurs yesterday And I was anticipating It To have a very short Shelf life But he's still there

58:52Duncan Alexander: Maybe they're going to Sack him after 17 minutes Just to You know A bit of Right A bit of calm Retribution You like him You said he was going to be good I did Yeah I did say Quite confidently That he was exactly The right man for the job And look out for Spurs Flying up the table So yeah Look forward to seeing that

59:08Benji Lanyado: Harry read that On the radio this morning Saying Oh yeah He would even leave Cheltenham early to go and pick up the reins.

59:17James Richardson: Is he issued a come and get me, hat and ring?

59:20Benji Lanyado: Essentially, and it was from Cheltenham.

59:22James Richardson: And he's got a horse that's like a favourite for the big one. Well, to be honest, he's not going to be riding it. He can go and the horse will still...

59:29Benji Lanyado: I think he did actually asterisk that he'd wait until after the gold cup, but then he would happily go and manage. Okay.

59:34Duncan Alexander: Depends on the nature of his relationship with the horse. Is the horse an arm around the shoulder horse? Is it a kick up the backside horse? Does it need its owner's presence? Right I mean What kind of horse are spurs Tom? A dying one Right A slow one Well their kit used to be made by ponies

59:50Tom Williams: That's true But I mean We joke about horses But they are quite seismic In Premier League history I mean Alex Ferguson's Horse related antics Changed the very direction Of Manchester United

59:59James Richardson: Right Perugeron of Luciano Gauchi Once posited That football would be better If you could play Eleven horses

1:00:05Tom Williams: That's polar isn't it?

1:00:07James Richardson: Well yeah Which brings us on To another interesting topic Which is That's why football is called football. I think it was Tim Spears who was quoting TIFO, who in a TIFO video piece, which are quite popular, said that the reason football is called football, Benji, is... Played on foot. Exactly. Because you think back to the early days of football, a lot of it was actually rugby football so it had nothing to do with kicking the ball. Rugby football is essentially, in that sense, a bit of a oxymoron.

1:00:37Benji Lanyado: RFCs.

1:00:39James Richardson: But it wasn't played on horses, as Polo was. According to Tifo, that's why it's called football. Anyway, none of that is really going to help us with our predictions for Liverpool-Spurs. We don't really need to do any, I guess. It's just going to be entertaining once again to watch, no doubt. What about the relegation battle? West Ham, as mentioned, are going to beat Man City. Benji's explained that one to us. Liverpool taking on Spurs and Forest host Fulham. Notionally, the most the easiest of those three teams fixtures, no? With Forrest coming from behind against Man City twice last week to get Vito Perez's first point at the club.

1:01:23Duncan Alexander: But I mean, concerning home form for Forrest, I think they've gone six at home without winning in the league. When we think about the last couple of seasons, home form has been pretty key to them staying up in the division. But then Fulham lost at home to West Ham in their most recent league game. went out of the cup after Marco Silva sent out a reserve outfit against Championship Southampton and lost I'm not sure if he is back

1:01:47Benji Lanyado: that was a big difference against us last Wednesday they looked pretty weak without him yeah

1:01:53James Richardson: they're in action Forest on Thursday night tonight as we record they are up against Michelin is that home or away no they're hosting hosting Michelin could be key also in action on Thursday night are Crystal Palace who will also be at home against AK Larnaca out of Cyprus. That's in the Conference League. On Sunday, Palace will be hosting Leeds. Also playing this weekend are Burnley against Bournemouth and Sunderland Brighton. And then on Monday night, it's Wolves visiting Brentford. Wolves who have won their last two in the Premier League, but they've yet to win an away game in the league. They're the only side in the top five tiers of English football yet to record a win on the road.

1:02:36James Richardson: Remarkable. or another remarkable...

1:02:38Tom Williams: New stats for Wolves now that they've surged past 11 points.

1:02:42James Richardson: Interesting. Here's the stat you'll like, Duncan, or not. Bournemouth, their games, are the second highest scoring in the Premier League this season, but they've also had the most 0-0 draws. Crazy. Hmm. Baffling.

1:02:59Duncan Alexander: That's been a mad season, Bournemouth, in that they were, like, good, and then they were bad. Right. And are they good again? Are they good again? Although they are drawing a lot. I mean, they should have beaten Brentford last time out. Marcus Tavenier could have had a hat-trick all on his own. But they have at least stopped the rot.

1:03:16Benji Lanyado: They've got the top two in the James Garner. I was going to say. Senesi and Alex Scott. And Alex Scott. It's much for itself. Yeah. Senesi will be off again this summer, by the way. They just keep on producing fantastic centre-backs and then they immediately ship them off. And they won't even get any money for Senesi because he's letting his contract run down. Sad.

1:03:33James Richardson: Benji, are West Ham going to be out the bottom three at the end of this weekend?

1:03:36Benji Lanyado: No, I think it is possible that we will finish outside of one and three. I think I agree with Dunk, you know, worryingly, that we are the best of the three. And Spurs are definitely the worst of the three. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we just might have left it too late, Jimbo. And ultimately, then it will be Graham Potter that got us relegated, which is very sad. Because Nuno's done pretty well.

1:03:56James Richardson: A lot of football still to be played. How many points is it? 27, 28, 27? 27. 27 points still to be played for, Benji. A lot of football. A lot of talking, and we'll be doing more of it, of course, on Sunday night. For now, many thanks to you for bringing the James Garner Index and so much more into our lives on this Thursday morning.

1:04:17Benji Lanyado: Thanks to you both.

1:04:18James Richardson: Check out Picfair if you want to build a picture-selling website of your own.

1:04:24Benji Lanyado: Absolutely.

1:04:26James Richardson: Tom Williams, I forgot to mention, but your va-va-voom, the definitive account of the rise of French football is about to drop in paperback form. Yes.

1:04:39Tom Williams: Have you used my alternative title in this version?

1:04:42Duncan Alexander: Big Farmer? No, no, I haven't, Duncan. That was Duncan's entirely, and not actually very serious suggestion when I was doing a bit of a wisdom of crowds debate about what I might call a book. But yes, the paperback version is out April the 9th. Oh yeah, what's new in it? Pre-order it now. Well, a very detailed account of PSG's record-breaking 24-25 season and its potential ramifications for French football, a bit of Didier Deschamps chat, including a brief chat with the man himself, and a general bringing up to date of where French football is as we barrel towards the World Cup, which, of course, will be Didier Deschamps' final...

1:05:24Duncan Alexander: And a new professional third division in France as well. That is on its way, yes.

1:05:28James Richardson: Well, I'm so sorry we didn't mention that, a start when everyone was still listening but uh i'm sure they're all i'm sure they're all still there okay april the 9th april 9th excellent and duncan you're you'll be heading off to commission some nice things now no doubt and then on sunday you'll be with us here in the studio again i

1:05:44Tom Williams: believe so woo let's hope for some some hot action yeah yeah it's pretty much a given anyway that's

1:05:51James Richardson: it for today's show so many thanks to you for following us here on the totally football show hope to be speaking to you again soon and now from all of us here it's goodbye

1:06:02Duncan Alexander: you've been listening to the totally football show part of the athletic fc podcast network for other great podcasts just like this one including the athletic fc and our dedicated club podcasts search for the athletic in all the usual places we're also at the totally show on insta and at the totally show on youtube the totally football show is an athletic media company production.

1:06:28The Athletic FC.

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