Ruby Wax | What Hitchhiking to Mexico Taught Me About Life

0:03Welcome to Travel Secrets with me, Tanya Rose, the podcast sharing wisdom for fellow travelers. Each week, I ask my guests to reveal their six travel secrets and the holidays and adventures that surround them. I would just like to say thank you to Mason Rose, the sales and communication agency that represents some of the finest hotels around the world for partnering with Travel Secrets, the podcast.

0:33Today, my guest is the brilliantly clever Ruby Wax. TV presenter, actor, comedian and mental health campaigner. She has interviewed everyone from OJ Simpson to Imelda Marcos. So I'm feeling a little bit intimidated here. The interviewer interviewing the interviewee or whichever way around it is. the interview but sometimes I'm more interesting oh I think you're very sometimes I'm not but I used to interview my you know myself first to lighten them up I would talk all like you've just done talk about yourself and then they go oh good it's not just about me it's I'm not it's not a narcissistic study in my ego I love your interviews it was my real joy and delight every Sunday to watch your ruby meets and I've been re-watching them and loved every single one of them I'm going You can test me.

1:25What did I say in 19... I tell you the really horrific one that was a car crash, I think, and you probably would agree it was with Donald Trump. Well, you'd have to crash. He was a scary man then. Wasn't he? No, it was just, it's Dr. Evil. You got on and the hatred he had for me because he couldn't pin me. You know, I didn't want to have sex with him, which already surprised him. I wasn't a man and I was being direct. So he, the loathing coming at me was palatable. So, you know, when somebody treats you like an idiot, you become an idiot, however they treat you. So I started asking the most stupid questions.

2:04If it was now, I would have held my, I would have held the ground and said, oh, tell me about being the president of the United States. You know, maybe I could have stopped this. But instead, I was fighting him and he was smart. He said at one point, he said at one point, you're angry with a smile. Actually, that was actually quite good. He got me with a dart. Yeah, that was a good phrase, actually. But the good thing was showing us the gold loo in the plane. Gold toilet and bidet. Yeah, nothing but the finest. Why do you need a bidet in a plane? Well, he's got very large testes, clearly, so he has to wash them all the time.

2:38Anyway, let's hope this interview is not like that because I like you and you like me, I hope. So hopefully it's not going to be like that. And the other one that was awful was… Madonna. Madonna. Yeah. She was looking at this camera the whole time and she wasn't even looking at you. Well, I knew she'd do that. But every question I asked, first of all, she wasn't looking at me. Second of all, she had an artillery of 15 people around her. And I can't interview if somebody's standing next to me. And so she wouldn't be funny. And it's a comedy show. So eventually I resorted to putting her underwear on my head.

3:08I mean, I was desperate because the questions were literal. You want them to be flippant or at least work your imagination a little bit. And true and real. But I couldn't get the ground, you know, when you can't find the ground and you're floundering. Because either the person's doing a monologue at you or they're suddenly going intellectual on you. And you go, play with me. Come on. Because all it is is tennis. The ones that were really, really funny was Jim Carrey doing that magic trick when he pulled the thing. Yeah, he pulled the tablecloth out from underneath the silver surface. And I think the Dorchester must have been furious.

3:41And that he was on the ceiling. But that's when you go, you know, at the end of the day, he was doing junkets. And I said, please, my children need food. Just be funny for 10 minutes. And he got it. He was funny for four hours. But you have to be funny to get them to be funny. So I was a stooge. I've been loving re-watching them. I watched Trailblazers, which you did with Mel. That was terrible, but thank you. I loved it. And I loved the story about one-eyed Jack or whatever he was trailing and finding Isabella's. He was the lover. Yeah, the lover. And shot a lot of people. Yeah, but I liked that story.

4:13That was really cool. I haven't watched cast away when you were cast away for a month. Was it on a desert? No, no, no 10 days They left me but they did they left the word cyclone out of my contract There was a cyclone. I don't know if you've ever gone to the loo in a cyclone, but you mean it face on Oh my god well, i'm sure you'll tell us a little bit more about that and Your life has been so interesting. Um, i've started reading your new book I'm, not as well as I thought I was and that was going to be a travelogue wasn't it about you going and finding life's experiences but then it became all about your mental health and everything so you've been a real campaigner for that which is just fantastic well it was supposed to be looking for places where i would find meaning which was slightly tongue-in-cheek because where you're going to find meaning but i did go on a 30-day silent retreat i went swimming with humpbacks so that i would feel awe you know it was a little like the wizard of oz and then i went uh silent retreat to find peace and then working in a refugee camp to find compassion.

5:14So I went on all these things. They worked, but I wasn't well at the time. So I did end up slipping. But at least my heart was in the right place, you know, when I went to the refugee camp. It really did move me and I became adorable. But I was ill. So everything kept zumping. Is that the word? Yeah, coming up. Zumping. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to finish it. I'm going on holiday next week. So that is the top of my list. Where are you going on holiday? I'm going to the Colom d 'Or in Saint-Paul-de-Volce. Oh, very nice. Can't wait. Yippee. Let's get into your travel secrets. But before we do, can you just tell us a bit about yourself and how travel has impacted the person you've become?

5:54Did you grow up traveling? Let's just talk about you and travel. I grew up traveling. My parents escaped Austria, so they quickly traveled. Yeah. They needed to travel fast. So fast they left their laundry. so they left Austria and they came to America in 39 which was the last buzz out of there and but they said when they had me they would have money so they worked in sausage casing I don't know if you're acquainted with that but it looks like a condom and then you stuff the contents of the farm into it and voila you have the salami and made lots of money out of it and made a lot of money out of it and I wanted to call it guts and you know but to make it a little snazzier because it was just these sausage casings, and then you'd blow meat through it, not with your mouth, but a machine.

6:38And he'd take me to the factory and go, someday this will all be yours, Ruby. I thought, yuffie. I'm traveling out of here as quickly as I can. Yeah, I'm out of here. So they did take me once a year to Jamaica, and that was when it was still English. That's how far back. And so we went every year, and it was magnificent. And then we went to South America. my dad i i think this is a real reason there was a guy who became a nazi when he was on the football team and he looked for my dad so my dad went back to south america to hunt him down and there was a lot of ex-nazis at the time they were usually the elevator operators because they could still wear the amulets is that the right word no they you know the fringy things on their shoulders not the swastikas.

7:24That wouldn't be good. What was the name of that snazzy hotel? In Rio. Yeah. The Coco Cabana Palace. Yeah, that's where we went. And then he looked around. Did he see anyone? Yeah, he did. But that's not usually why people go there. But my mother would go, this is what men should look like. We'd go to the beach and they were wearing that piece of dental floss over their genitals. And she pointed it out, what I should look for later. and then uh south america we went everywhere as a kid and so i i already had that taste and then they sent me to school in switzerland to learn charm did they which you can see it's somewhere in montreal and i'm a finishing school finishing school yeah so i went two years in a row not i i did it in the summer that's why the charm hasn't really stuck to me otherwise you'd be stunned by my manners but i went one outfit for the whole time i was there i was really they called me and um i had a it's long stories but i corrupted everybody and i escaped finally in lausanne i went to another school i went out the window and and i escaped back to england i was 14 you escaped i escaped and my mom had to hunt me down in the uk I walked up and down Kings Road, which was fantastic, with my suitcase.

8:47And I walked in to Stop the World. It was a shop that rotated. And I said, where can I stay? And they said, in our house. So I moved in with these kind of Chelsea girls. And I could really see that, you know, I was like the mascot. I was really young. But I could watch what was going on. And I said to my mom, could you send me some money? And she wired me$1. Yeah. So you were 14? 14. How long did you stay with them? Probably a month. I hitchhiked to Mexico when I was in university and my parents, I always, I was always on the move. I'm still on the move because it's my favorite thing to watch the scenery change.

9:23So travel is very important. It's the only thing. There's nothing, dump my husband, dump my children, give me a ticket. What's the number one destination you think everyone should go to once in their lifetime? Well, I live in Cape Town part of the year. Oh, really? Over Christmas. So I think they should see Cape Town because it's reinventing the wheel. I mean, things are changing there. And things are changing there because there's tourism. And so I think you don't feel the guilt. I mean, you could do, but I think by going there. You're helping. And you're helping. And so there's more jobs in there.

9:59It's the Riviera of Africa. And so I have a house there. I go every Christmas. How lovely. For a month. For a month, yeah. but I wouldn't say my favorite place is I go also once a year to Costa Rica to a place called Blue Spirit which is very Nicole Kidman and we're in the jungle and they bring in speakers so we had Bessel van der Kolk who wrote Body Keeps the Score, Esther Perel, Jack Kornfield these are the big boys of trauma and neuroscience and to me that's sexy that's my interest. Is that what you did when you went to Oxford? That's what I did when I went to Oxford. So if I'm at a dinner table, there's an actor.

10:44I'll turn the other way. But if there's a neuroscientist, I will crawl across the room and straddle him. How interesting. Yeah, I just love the brain. I want to go to Costa Rica. I really do. Everyone says it's amazing. You go to Nassara. Well, I shouldn't say this because people will. But it's, you know, at first there was just one hotel. And when you go to a restaurant, it's in the jungle and some mama is cooking for you. Now it's getting snazzy because crypto bros are there and they're buying up the place but it's still in the jungle and it's a surf center for you know there's a perfect wave it's just magnificent and we live in among the trees this blue spirit there's about 120 they won't want to go but therapist type people so there's an immediate intimacy and then we go to these great classes so is that every year every year this year I'm teaching there are you yeah I teach mindfulness oh so you actually graduated with a master's but now you're a teacher as well I teach in certain places I teach at Broughton in Yorkshire yeah do you know Broughton Hall it's magnificent so I'm there in December what's it called the sanctuary yeah Avalon Avalon so if you don't like the mindfulness they've got state-of-the-art swimming pool cold bath they got um they've got sauna little pods it's huge and it's magnificent How interesting.

12:03There's a really lovely hotel, which has just opened in Costa Rica called Nayara. Have you been there? That's in the jungle. And then they've got another one by the beach somewhere. And the guy who owns it is fantastic. Leo Gattis, his name is. And he's built a mountain. You know, he's replanted everything. Where is it? Come on. I don't know. I know. I don't know. All right. I'm sorry. Look it up. I will. I'll look it up. But I would love to go to Costa Rica. The Harmony is a hotel in Nassara, and it was built by Johnson & Johnson, the Johnson of Johnson & Johnson. And he said, I'll keep this here and I'll keep renewing it if nobody touches it.

12:43You keep that style. Good. And that's my favorite hotel. Oh, that's a very good one to know. Well, when I'm going to Costa Rica, you can call me anywhere else you want to go, but when I go to Costa Rica, I will call me. Maybe I'll come when you're teaching. Oh, that would be good. What is the most unexpected or outrageous thing that's ever happened to you when you've been traveling? Well, last week I went on a cruise. Oh. I know. I've never done that before. The reason was, it was a Cunard. Yeah, Cunard. Cunard. Sorry, American. But I had to speak for an hour and then I got it free. Nice. Yeah, nice.

13:17Because I wouldn't normally choose a cruise. But this was hilarious. Everybody was eccentric. Brilliant. So I made, I mean, the people and the mostly Koreans doing ballroom dance, kind of with an electric prod, so they do it right. Then the poor, larger husbands being dragged around that dance floor. I went to AA meetings. I went to art classes. There was line dancing. It was just a peek into a life I've never seen. How big was it? Was it a huge one? No, it wasn't 5 ,000. It was 2 ,500. Because the other ones are Manhattan on sea. 2 ,500? Oh, the most alarming thing I ever did, travel I ever did, was I was in university and I hitchhiked to Mexico, from Colorado to Mexico.

14:06And I hitchhiked all the way to Juarez, which was just jungle then. And it was just kids taking peyote. It was just wild. And I stayed for a month and my parents called the police to get me out. Did they know where you were? No, my girlfriend reported me. I was at university, so my parents would call up and go, where's Ruby? And she'd say, she's in the shower for a month. So they eventually called the police and got me. But it was all these young people. You know, sometimes you get it right where it's happening. And I got it right. So they were from all over the world, and we would stay with families in hammocks.

14:44And at night, they'd sit around and tell stories. Of course, we were stoned out of our minds. That's quite fun, though. Yeah. It was the perfect time in the perfect time of life, 19 years old. But I met this girl, and I thought she was Mexican. She was on a mule, and I had hurt my ankle, so my friends left me. And I'm sitting in a hotel, and she said, can I share a room with you? She had an accent. So I started to tell her about this man I was in love with, and he took me to Ohio. And I met another guy called Luke who said that was the love of his life, but he can't find her. She was it. So bizarre things happened to me.

15:21So you put them together. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah, he couldn't find her. How did she end up in Mexico? Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is a coincidence. Nothing is a coincidence. So that was when you were at university. And then you came from there to London and you auditioned for the… Was it Shakespeare Company? Well, you auditioned for RADA first. Yeah. I'm on the board of RADA. Oh, really? Where were you? I didn't go to RADA, but I'm just on the board. So I'm in charge of their fundraising. And your great friend, Alan Rickman… Alan Rickman. He did the most amazing things for Rodda. He was just fantastic.

15:55But you didn't go to Rodda. Well, I tried five times. I didn't know how to act, so I made a wimple out of cardboard, a pointy hat. And I wore it to my audition. Imagine their horror. And I knew that Juliet was upset in this scene, so I stood there. But I said it out loud going, my dog is dead. My dog is dead. My dog is dead. You could see them going, is there a dog? I was going to say, is there a dog is dead? I got the tears going. and you can see I'm a little upset now. I got the tears going, and then you couldn't understand a word of what I, Gallop of Pace, you fiery-footed steams. And I brought out a turkey bone.

16:31I'm not being funny because I knew she brought out a Tybalt's bone to beat herself over the head, and I didn't know what a metaphor was. So I brought out a turkey leg and beat myself so hard I went off the stage. And they said, I said, are you sure you didn't call me back? And they went, we're sure. Five times. Five times, yeah. That is so funny. But I didn't know how to act. So I thought, you become Juliet. But then you went to the RSC, so you could have acted. Well, I went to Glasgow after that. I had been hitchhiking through Europe. And I ended up in Israel where somebody said, I'll teach you how to act.

17:06He didn't know either. So that's when I came back to the UK, tried to get in RADA. So I worked on tongue exercises for three years going la, la, la, ta, ta, ta, la, la. So I got into the RSC because they really liked what I could do with my tongue. Very good Shakespearean poem. Shakespearean. And that's where you met Alan Rickman, isn't it? And Alan Rickman took me under his wing and said, you really can't act. It was my imagination. Sometimes when I was on stage, people throw little notes at me saying, find another career. While I was on stage. And I was giving my country wench. You know, they, ooh, no coin, sir.

17:43They speak kind of Chicago. You know, they've got those R's. So I could do wenches. I stole it with wenches. Michael Horton was playing my boyfriend. Do you remember him? And I could hear him under his breath going, I'm so ashamed with my acting. But you started writing for them. Then Rickman said, why don't you write the way you speak? So I wrote and he turned it into shows. And then he was my mentor for the next 35 years. Was he? He taught me how to do comedy. He would show me and say, you're terrible. You're terrible. You're terrible. You look desperate. And I'd go, I'm not desperate. He said, look at your eyes.

18:21They're like hatchets. You know, when a comedian is desperate for love. Yeah. And then eventually now, 35 years later, I can do it. He says, don't give a shit, but know everything you're doing. Well, he was a master at that. He was a master at comedy too. What was that wonderful film, Robin Hood, when he did the, you know. Oh, I wrote his lines. Did you? Well, they were amazing. Those throwaway lines were just fantastic. it in fact i had um anna chancellor on this podcast and she told me about meeting you on the plane when she was taking her daughter's ashes poppy yeah to mexico we went to um day of the dead yeah and i took i went with alan's photos so we built a grave in one of the graves you know where they celebrate there's parties going on fireworks because they're welcoming the dead back every year they come back and they line the streets with yellow, yellow flowers so they can find their way back.

19:18And so we built an altar and she put Poppy's ashes, her daughter, and I put Rickman and we played their favorite music. Oh, that's lovely. That's so lovely. She was amazing, actually, because that's such a poignant thing to talk about. But she was, you know, yeah, I think it really helped doing that with her because she had always wanted to go to Mexico. So she took her or had been with her and so she took her back there. Well, Poppy was so talented. Was she? Yeah. And all my daughters were friends with her, and she had rehearsal funerals before she died. So people could say what they wanted to say about her.

19:50Really? At all these faux funerals. But how nice, because then you hear what people want to say instead of being dead. She was evolved. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing. But she did tell that story. So then you took Ellen's photographs and had a nice little shrine of him there. Yeah, with our candles. Oh. I bet you miss him. Oh, every day. You know, my acting's going downhill. I need him. And I need him as a friend, too. Because to make him laugh was my idea of winning an Oscar. He'd come, he'd be quite grand. And then I'd break him down and break him down until he was a child. Oh, so wonderful. They're doing the new Harry Potter, so I wonder who's going to take over.

20:28Because he was Nate, wasn't he? I mean, that voice was just amazing. Yeah. Did you write those lines as well? No, not in Harry Potter. No. So what's your most overrated or underrated place you've ever been to? Well, I have a little house in Fintorn. Do you? Which you'd never expect because I like Bling. I mean, I don't like Bling, but I like Five Star. I know Fintorn really well. I went to Gordonstone. No. Yeah. It's up the road from the Fintorn Ferries. I've been there. So I bought a little house where I'm going to tomorrow. This is so bizarre because I have another side of my personality that's quite bohemian, well, hippie.

21:06and kind of grungy because it's my childhood so I'm I bought a place tiny and I'm gonna see if I lost my mind in two days I love Fyndhorn it's actually got it definitely has got something it's got something well the story is so bizarre that I wrote it in one of my books oh what is the story I don't know what the story is unbelievable 60 years ago Eileen Candy heard a voice from God it's always God he's always behind it he said go to Fyndhorn right So she leaves her six kids and she meets the brigadier and he's got a voice from God too. So they get a caravan that's about five feet long. I mean, it's tiny.

21:44And they live there and she talks, God talks to her. I don't think she talks to him. And he says, he says, I can't hear you. It's a sand dune 60 years ago. There's no trees. So he says, I can't hear you because their caravan is on a, there's a garbage site near it and the winds are blowing. So he says, meet me in the outdoor loo. I mean, I can't make this up. So she goes to the outdoor loo, and at 2 in the morning, God talks to her, and he tells her how to plant these cabbages. She's not a gardener, right? But she takes the seeds and she plants them along where the water is, and they become gigantic.

22:18Yeah, they're these huge things. And people come from around the world, especially hippies and scientists, and they don't understand how it happened. So for the next 60 years, they develop and develop it. The vegetables are gigantic. And there's 600 people living there, but 2 ,000 in the outside community. so it's a real um it's the first big kind of hippie community well it's called an intentional community can you go and visit fendorn even if you don't have a house there yeah you can go and stay there one of those there's not many places to stay but there's pagan rituals on saturday there's yoga during the week there's it's like sun city except it's it's a it's hippie and you're going there tomorrow to do to see if i want it if i if i like it oh you've bought it already i bought Got it.

23:01And you haven't been? It was being built. It's teeny. So I have extremes. That's so funny. I love that part of Scotland, though. As I said, I went to school there for five years of my life to this outward bound school. I had to jump into the North Sea every day. It was freezing cold, go on morning runs. I had the best time. I bet. The best time. And also, I went to a convent in England. And a Jewish girl in a convent. Very strange. And then basically… Were they trying to make you… No, it was just the best school local to us. Then my father moved to Switzerland and said, right, you're going to Gordonston.

23:37Showed me on the map where it was. And I was like, have I done something wrong here? Yeah. I went for my interview. There were 500 boys and like 50 girls. And I thought, yes, this is my place. This is my home. I had the best time. Wow. The best time. But I go in the North Sea because that's my thing. Oh, are you cold water swimmers? In December. In the North Sea. I haven't done it here. But there's a high you get. There's no question. You come out of there and you're hot. First of all, you're not cold when you come out. You know that. Yeah, yeah. Then you get hypothermia a little later, but it's worth the high.

24:08I mean, they've taken everything, cigarettes, alcohol. So my last high is cold water. Have you got one of those cold water things that you can dump into every day? You know, the light pots. No, I wanted one, but my garden isn't big enough. Otherwise, I'd do it. Well, at Findhorn, you'll be doing it every day. I will be doing it. And even in the summer, it's freezing. I know. Absolutely freezing. But so is Cape Town. So then the place that surprised me was my other favorite place beside Costa Rica is Trencoso. Oh, is that? It's in Bahia in South America. And there's a hotel called Ushua. Oh, yeah.

24:42U-X-U-A. That's the most beautiful hotel I've ever seen. It's all built out of, I mean, they've again reinvented the wheel. So the shower is made out of a tree trunk. Everything in your room is carved out of wood. It sounds kind of rustic, which I don't like, but it's magnificent. and mirrors hang from the ceiling. Beds are real. Everything looks like it's grown in nature, but it's pretty ritzy. Beautiful. Yeah. Luxa. Yeah, but it's trancoso. It's built around a quadrado, so there's funerals going on. There's weddings. There's a horse that walks into your room. There's wildness. There's rituals where they throw a giant log into your thing.

25:23That means you're the next to get pregnant. I was the next to get pregnant. I wasn't pregnant. I was this age. but they threw the log through. It's wild and it's run by kind of gay guys. So they know how to party. They do. And do you take your girls and your son there? Yes, of course I do. They like traveling with you. They love it. When they were little, I'd pick places on the map in the United States and we'd drive 12 hours a day. And I'd say on the map, it looked really tiny. So I'd drive them to Canada. I'd drive them across America to Asheville, North Carolina, which is another kind of hippie place in America where they drum on Friday nights.

25:58I took my kids there. I've taken them everywhere. So they love traveling as much as you do. It's in their blood. Yeah. And do you ever go back to where your parents came from? I went to Austria because they did Who Do You Think You Are? Oh, did you? And I didn't know. My parents said I had no relatives. So I thought we dropped from Venus because they're so bizarre. And then they took me to Vienna. I knew they came from Vienna because they spoke like this, with that volume. Everything's hysterical. I would say, you order something off the menu, it sounds like you're declaring war on Europe. You have the schwein geschlossen, herunter gelassen, the kater rost, the arschleck.

26:38It goes on and on. People come out of the kitchen with their hands up. But I didn't, I knew they were Viennese, but I didn't know I had relatives. so they took me around and they took me to an archive and the woman held up a photo and she said who do you think this was I said why would I know she said it's your great aunt I said was she an actress because I assumed I came from great thespians she said no she was insane I said well was there an acting department in the thing and she said no and I said well maybe anyway she said she was in there 30 years. So then I went to go visit the, yeah. The asylum.