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Voices for Justice - Episode Summary
Episode Title
Terra Newell Part 1
Overview In this episode of *Voices for Justice*, host Sarah Turney interviews Terra Newell, a survivor of a violent attack by her stepfather, John Meehan, popularly known as "Dirty John." The episode chronicles Terra's harrowing experience with Meehan, her struggle to reclaim her narrative, and the complexities of surviving in a true crime landscape.
Key Themes
- Survivor's Narrative: Terra emphasizes the importance of telling her story in her own words, contrasting the sensationalized portrayals in media.
- Emotional Manipulation: The episode explores the tactics used by abusers to control their victims, including love bombing and gaslighting.
- Family Dynamics: Terra discusses her family's attempts to protect her mother from John and the inner turmoil it caused.
- True Crime Commentary: Terra shares her frustrations about the portrayal of survivors in the true crime industry.
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Episode Breakdown
Introduction
- Host and Guest: Sarah Turney introduces Terra Newell, known for her story featured in the *Dirty John* podcast and Netflix series.
- Context: Terra's mother, Debra, dated John Meehan, who presented himself as a charming doctor but was manipulative and dangerous.
Initial Encounter with John Meehan
- Meeting: Debra met John through a dating site for people over 50. John initially charmed Debra but displayed controlling behavior quickly.
- Red Flags: Terra and her sister Jacqueline sensed something was off about John early on.
Family Concerns and Dynamics
- Protectiveness: Terra and her sister regularly expressed concerns about John's behavior and sought to protect their mother.
- Conflict: Terra had a confrontation with John, leading to her decision to cut contact with her mother.
The Escalation of John's Behavior
- Manipulation: John employed tactics to isolate Debra from her daughters, including sending manipulative text messages.
- Private Investigator: The family eventually hired a private investigator to uncover John's past and protect Debra.
The Attack
- Details of the Attack: The episode culminates in the recounting of the violent encounter where John attacked Terra in a parking garage.
- Self-Defense: Terra describes her struggle and eventual act of self-defense, leading to John’s death.
Aftermath and Impacts
- Emotional Toll: Terra reflects on the psychological impact of the attack and the challenges faced by survivors in reclaiming their narratives in the media.
- Future Conversations: The episode closes with a promise of a second part, where deeper discussions about the aftermath and Terra's ongoing advocacy work will occur.
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Key Takeaways
- Empowerment through Storytelling: Terra highlights the significance of sharing one's story authentically, particularly in the face of media representation that often mischaracterizes survivors.
- Awareness of Manipulative Relationships: The episode serves as a cautionary tale about recognizing red flags in relationships and the psychological manipulation tactics employed by abusers.
- Support Systems: The importance of family support and communication is underscored, showcasing the struggle between personal autonomy and familial protection.
Call to Action Listeners are encouraged to engage with the ongoing narrative of survivors and to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. Terra's experience illustrates the need for awareness and education regarding domestic violence and manipulation.
For more information about the podcast and the cases discussed, visit [VoicesforJusticePodcast.com](http://VoicesforJusticePodcast.com). Follow Sarah Turney on social media for updates and more insights.
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Upcoming Stay tuned for Part 2 of Terra Newell's story, where she will delve into the aftermath of her attack, her journey as a survivor, and her ongoing efforts to help others reclaim their narratives.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with AutoQuote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. This episode of Voices for Justice is sponsored by Shopify. When I started this podcast, I really did have to figure it out all on my own. Scripts, setup, filming schedule, logos. It was and still can be super overwhelming.
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1:57Voices for Justice is a podcast that uses adult language and discusses sensitive and potentially triggering topics, including violence, abuse, and murder. This podcast may not be appropriate for younger audiences. All parties are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Some names have been changed or omitted per their request or for safety purposes. Listener discretion is advised. My name is Sarah Turney and this is Voices for Justice.
2:30Today I'm speaking with Tara Newell. In 2016, after months of manipulation, lies, and threats against her family, Tara survived an attack from her stepfather, John Meehan, or Dirty John as most of the world knows him. Meehan grabbed Tara in the parking garage of her apartment complex and began stabbing her. Once she was on the ground, she was able to kick the knife out of his hand and kill him in self-defense. Her attack and the months leading up to it became infamous with a Netflix series and podcast using the name Dirty John. Like so many survivors and families in true crime, Tara spent years watching other people tell her story, and largely tell it incorrectly.
3:13But Tara's taken back the narrative, and she's ready to share her story in her own words. Which is exactly what you're going to hear today. In my interview with Tara, she tells us the real story of what happened with John Meehan, how she feels about the name Dirty John, and so much more. You'll hear details about her experience that I've never heard before, and how all of this inspired her to create her new podcast, Survivor Squad. I first met Tara years ago, when she had me on her podcast, Time Out with Tara, to talk about my sister Alyssa. But I'd never heard Tara's story from her before, so we talk about a lot.
3:51So much so that this interview had to be split into two parts. In part one, you'll hear how everything escalated, all the way through to her incredible story of survival. In part two, we discuss the aftermath of her attack, being a survivor in the true crime entertainment industry, and how she's taking back her narrative and helping others do the same. This is the story of Tara Newell and her own words. Tara, I have known you for years at this point, but I would love if you could introduce yourself to the listeners. Yes, so my name is Tara Newell. I am a survivor of Dirty John Mahan. I survived him in a knife attack, and I killed him in self-defense.
4:34For those who may not know, or maybe people who have never heard it in your words before, I would love if you could kind of walk us through this story. I will say that my first introduction to your story was on Netflix, right? I love Connie Britton, and I watched the series, and I will be a thousand percent honest with you, before I knew you, I did not know it was real. I think I was in the middle of watching the series, and I googled it, and I was like, wait this is a real story and I had no idea. So anyone who may not know I would love to kind of walk through it. You know I know that it kind of begins with your mother dating this guy named John Meehan.
5:17I don't know if you want me to call him Dirty John. I always feel weird about calling these people you know their perpetrator names or whatever you want to call them. But yeah I know it starts with your mom. Yeah and I think that using the name Dirty John And I really think that he should be called John Meehan because it's such a cliche, kind of, this serial killer. Well, not serial killer, but this perpetrator. He tried to kill me. And there's speculation that he's killed other people. So that's why I call him that. He gets this kind of cool name, in a sense. And they always get this cool name where the survivors don't get a cool name.
6:05They just get called Tara Newell, which I guess my name is cool. But it's just these killers always get these cool names. And so I really appreciate you calling him John Meehan and asking me about that verse. So thank you. Yeah, of course. Thank you. So where does it all begin? My mom met John Meehan on our time. It was a dating website for people over 50 years old. And she met him. He claimed to be this doctor, this perfect person. She met up with him. He came over, picked up my mom. He kind of looked around the apartment and met my sister Jacqueline. Jacqueline just kind of realized this vibe about him that was kind of not good.
7:06She always has a keen sense for who is a good person and who's not and he was looking around like he was scoping out the place. And then my mom went downstairs with him and went and walked over to this restaurant called Houston's in Irvine. And they had a great meal together. They had martinis. Well, my mom had a lemon drop. I know that. And they were having a great time. So they went back to her place. not my mom isn't that type of person that thinks if you invite a guy over that it's going to lead to one thing she just wants to talk get to know him a little bit more also Houston's isn't the type of place where you can sit there for hours they kind of have a time limit on how long you should sit there for so what they went back to her place and then he went and he just jumped on the bed.
8:08Like, and then he sprawled across it, like he was at home, like he was super comfortable. And she established her boundaries and said, Oh, no, like, like, let's not go to the bed, basically. And I, these are not her exact words, but she basically didn't want him in the bed and told him to get out of it. And so he got very angry with that. And he basically said some words to her and then took off and left. Wow. And then a few days, right? I mean, right away, red flag, right? Just setting your boundaries, somebody getting angry, huge red flag. I mean, but good for your mom in setting those boundaries.
8:54Yeah, thank you. And I'm really proud of her too because as time goes on, her boundaries kind of get bulldozed down and she doesn't, she's not firm in her boundaries. Which it's easy for a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath to do this sort of thing. So a few days goes by and she gets a call from him apologizing for what had happened. And then he wants to meet up with her again. So they start dating. She lets him back in. She's like, oh, he's remorseful. That's a great quality. Not on the first date. Not on the first date. No one needs to apologize for anything on the first date. Otherwise, you shouldn't be together.
9:42At least, yeah, like not something that big, right? Like there's small things, sure. But you knew all this in real time. Was your mom telling you about all this or did she like wait to introduce you? or at least talk about him. She waited because I was actually living in Vegas with my boyfriend at the time. We had a house and three dogs and four cats. And we were working in the film industry. I was also working as a dog groomer at the time. So we were out of sight, out of mind, and we were working crazy hours. Like I think one day we worked like 22 hours, like golden time. So it's just crazy, like LA.
10:25And that's why I also do so much now in that industry, too. Oh, sure. Yeah. I was just kind of wondering how it was playing out within the family. Like, if you guys kind of saw this unfolding as she continued to, you know, date him or if it came as a big shock at the end. Because, you know, like I said, I don't think we've ever talked about it in detail. I've only really seen what's been sensationalized on TV, which I know can be very, very different from the real story. So, yeah, I'm excited to hear. I mean, excited is the wrong word. I think it's just interesting because we've never talked about it.
11:00Now I feel really bad for saying I was excited, Tara. No, I think it's exciting too, especially when we've known each other for a long time because it's not really, well, I got to know a lot about your story because I had you on the podcast and my old podcast and got to ask you certain questions and you don't really do that in a social environment. Yeah, yeah, it's true. We're not having drinks talking about your story. It's true. Yeah. So I think that and there's certain questions that are kind of inappropriate to ask unless you're in a podcast setting, unless you're in an interview style, because I think, you know, you don't want to be bothered with your trauma all the time.
11:48And I think that that's so important to understand is survivors don't want to be asked about Dirty John or, you know, your situation, your sister all the time. You know, I'm sure you love talking about your sister, but you're like, I don't want to talk about her 24-7. No, exactly. Exactly that. Maybe you do. I mean, yeah, like her, like, you know, with like her friends or people who knew her, absolutely. Like, let's honor her memory. But come up to me, you know, I remember somebody was like, your sister was murdered. Aren't you so sad? And I'm like, what kind of question is that? Like, yes, of course I'm so sad.
12:28Thank you so much. And it makes me laugh. You should just assume that. It's just like, it's so insane. And just because I'm happy right now doesn't mean that I'm sad, not sad about it, you know? This episode of Voices for Justice is brought to you by Quince. I love giving gifts, and Quince really does make that so easy. They have something for everyone, from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters for$50 that look and feel like designer pieces, silk tops and skirts for dressing up, perfectly cut denim for everyday wear, and outerwear that actually keeps you warm. And of course, what I love is that every piece is made with premium materials from ethical, trusted factories, and it's all priced far below what other luxury brands charge.
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14:00This episode of Voices for Justice is sponsored by Chewy. When I think about the holidays, I think about tiny moments with my dogs. The ones that really make the season bright. And that's why I'm joining Chewy Claws, who's out here making pet wishes come true. It's a really cool program. From November 4th to December 24th, share your pet's wish at chewy.com slash chewyclaws. It could actually become real, but I think the best part is that it helps others too. Each wish triggers a donation of five meals to shelters and rescues across the country. And if you submit through the Chewy app, they'll double the donation.
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15:21Exactly. Yeah, but we'll get all into that. I'm sorry I interrupted your story to tell you how excited I was to finally be talking to you about it. it's all good so I knew that my mom met someone she had called and she was like I met this guy he is amazing he's just the best person ever he is a doctor basically a nurse anesthetist or anesthesiologist he claimed to be an anesthesiologist and she was just doting about him And he was actually very great to her because he was love bombing her. He was giving her her smoothie every day. Well, not her smoothie, but her coffee every day. He was carrying her purse for her all the time.
16:12And just like being there for her, she had work things. He was like, oh, I'll be there. But it was funny because that was a certain tactic to get involved in her work. for the finances and to get to know the books a little bit more. And so he really knew how to be super helpful to her. It wasn't like a boyfriend. It was more so like a glorified assistant boyfriend. Yes, yes. So he, yeah. So my mom was like, Oh, wow, I've never had this before. This must be what it's like to have a good man, to finally have someone that cares about you. And my mom has been through four marriages at that time. And so she didn't have the best picker.
17:12However, each toxic person presented themselves as a different start, a different situation. it wasn't all and I'm sure like there was love bombing in that but it wasn't exactly how it started with John John claimed to be the perfect person but he was a couple levels up he was a psychopath he was not a narcissist or sociopath he was a psychopath so he was to the certain level where the game was higher. He was all in, in a sense. And it's crazy because at this time, and we find out later, he's also dating other women. He's on the website, and he's still trying to get with other girls when he's spending so much time with my mom.
18:02And it's like, how do these people do this? And it's like, they do drugs. Well, a lot of the times they do drugs. and he's doing things like um i think he he was more so into like methamphetamines um and doing like the uppers um i mean he didn't do meth necessarily that i'm aware of but he definitely was a cocaine fiend um he was like a cocaine that was his drug um his drug was also testosterone and steroids and like people could take these in moderations but he was in the addictive state he needed something to get high and then he would go to the hospital he was a frequent flyer at the hospital but he knew how to work the system because he worked in the hospitals and so he knew how to get drugs if his arm was hurting which it's funny because your arm um When an arm hurts, sometimes randomly, that could be a sign from drug use.
19:09So it was funny to me because there was actually the first time I met him, I came into town and there was one point where he was going to the hospital for his arm hurting. And I thought that was weird because I had a friend that was a heroin addict. and so she would go to the hospital why her arms would hurt and it was from her shooting up so much in her veins so I was like that's a red flag so all these red flags kind of presented themselves at the beginning but to go back a little bit I met him and my first response was just kind of he was standoffish. He didn't really want to engage with me or my boyfriend at the time.
20:06My boyfriend and I at the time came from Vegas to help my mom move. And we saw him first and he was struggling with a mattress to get the mattress on top of the car. And then my boyfriend at the time had a broken arm so he went to go help him but he wasn't that great at helping him because he only had one arm and uh like something you appreciate he broke his arm because uh he broke it at a newfound glory concert so in the mosh pit so um at least he was having a good time He was just, yeah. Yeah, no, it was Halloween. But it was like, and then, yeah, he was having a good time, but a little dangerous.
20:56And I'm in the back just like, oh, what's going on? Okay, see him on the ground. Cool. I'm going to go help him. You're about to go learn your lesson. Got it. Got it. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's, yeah, but it's a crazy situation. um but he was my ex at the time he was a good guy he was it was a codependent relationship but he was a great guy he was nice he was um honestly the nicest guy like you'll probably ever meet like he just treated everyone the same he was great um it just we were young didn't work out you know it happens so yeah but he was a great ally to have during that time with john because it was like you question things about john and think you're crazy and you're like is this really happening right now but then there's a second person to back it up and be like this is crazy.
22:02This isn't right. This is so bonkers. So getting into he was helping him. And then John was just like, No, I don't really need your help. And then my mom came down. And then she was like, Oh, this is John. And then he was just standoffish. We helped him move her. And then we got there. And he, I would ask him questions. I would ask him questions about his children, ask him questions about his work, questions about life. And everything that he would answer would be one-worded answers or one sentences where you couldn't really get more from. And you couldn't really, and he wasn't asking questions back.
22:50He wasn't asking questions about my life. the only time when he seemed interested in something in my life was when it pertained when it pertained to my health and we went to dinner we went to california pizza kitchen and it's funny because he actually did pay that time and he was so i was struggling um i was stressed out with my relationship. It was towards the end. Like we still have respect towards each other. But being in that relationship was not good for my mental health. It's hard to work with someone in the industry or be with someone in the industry when they're working crazy hours. He was working in casting and girls were literally following him to his car some days.
23:44Oh, gosh. So it was, yeah, it was just a little hard to deal with that. And so I was getting stomach ulcers. And I didn't know this at the time, though. And John told me that he thought I had ovarian cyst. Hmm. So, you know what? Interesting diagnosis. Right? but it's it's really great too because I actually did go to OBGYN and she helped me get a lot of answers um not because it was something to do with like my uterus or any of the female organisms um but it had to do with my stress levels and she could see I was so stressed out that she would do blood work for me there. And I was really appreciative of her with that.
24:41So she really helped during that time too. And then it was funny because as time goes on, she'll help me with John a little bit too during that time because I was very stressed out when I eventually ended contact with my mom. So she would take blood work for me during that time as well. So it's just very nice to have a health professional that cares and knows that that's not her wheelhouse and that's not her uh where the insurance is covered basically but she's gonna help out a person anyways so very thankful for her and so we go to california pizza kitchen we have dinner he tells me that i have ovarian cyst i go through this route to figure out what it is it's really stomach ulcers because I'm so much stressed with my relationship coming to an end and then eventually my stomach ulcers get worse because of John and so I ended up actually having an okay time I had a lot of questions about John but I had an okay time that trip and he met some of my friends.
25:59My friends didn't really engage with him, but he met them. And, oh, there was also this weird incident when we got back from California Pizza Kitchen. My boyfriend, me, and my friend at the time were in the back seat of the car. My mom was in the seat and then John was in the front passenger seat. My mom gets out of the car and then I try to open my door and there's child locks on it. So I tell John, I'm like, hey John, can you let me out? And he pretends to not hear me. So I ask him again a bit louder and I am soft spoken. So I'm like, okay maybe he didn't hear me and he gets out of the car and goes upstairs and then I have to text my mom to come down or I could like jump into the front and like go out that way but I literally just decided I like I'm gonna text my mom to come get me this is weird and then she's like he probably didn't hear you Tara and so that completely got brushed aside when that was him 100 % mentally messing with me yeah that's weird what a weird thing to do like is it some type of like sick power play I wonder like it's just it's such a random thing to do too like wow yeah the psychopath is all about control.
27:36So in that circumstance, I was my mom's favorite daughter. Well, not favorite daughter, but I was the daughter in her time. Like I was the daughter there right now. You were more important than him in that instance. Yes. So he wanted to make sure that I knew where I stood. And by doing like a little emotional manipulation like that, it's just like what the psychopath does what a narcissist does sometimes they like to do these little things just so they know that they're in control and so you know I went upstairs and then I honestly I brushed it off and the next day I think we went back to Vegas we stayed in Vegas for probably a week and we came back for Thanksgiving I had done all the shopping for Thanksgiving.
28:31I then went to see my hairdresser, who is also my sister's hairdresser, my mom's hairdresser, and she even gave John a haircut too. So she met John and she was just telling us about her experience with John. And she was telling us how he uses her car all the time, how she thinks that he's living with her he is just a terrible person in a sense where he's saying a lot of misogynistic things and he's just like not a great person and so she was telling us all this and then I go back home and that's when I find out that John's in the hospital with my mom and his arms hurting and he's latched onto my mom and this is another one of these losers that are coming around so oh my gosh I'm you know I'm gonna tell her like and I'm always vocal with that so my sister and I are always the type of daughters to tell my mom oh he's no good I don't like him because we've had experiences with her significant others.
29:55We've not liked her significant others. A lot of her significant others turned out to be toxic and have issues. Not like John, but one of them stalked her at one point. It was this dentist and he was with her for, I want to say, around two years. but he claimed to be this great person this man and then right when my mom married him he switched and then he created rules for us we couldn't go shopping like we did we went shopping every Sunday with my mom he wanted dinner on the table every single night at a certain time He didn't want my mom to go do extracurricular activities without his approval.
30:46He didn't want us to do things without his approval. And he really created this control. So, you know, and then he actually went and he stalked my mom. He would watch her when he was when she was working at her stores that she had. He would literally sit in his car and then her employees would tell her like, oh, this person is here watching you. your husband's here watching or your ex-husband because they were, I think they were separated at that time. But it was just, she didn't have the best pickers. So we became very vocal. And protective. Yeah. And your mom was very, you know, and I, you know, very accomplished in what she did.
31:27She very successful. You know, I could see why a bad person would want to take advantage of her. And I'm sure you saw that too, obviously. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS.
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32:08Meet the computer you can talk to. With Copilot on Windows, working, creating, and collaborating is as easy as talking. Got writer's block? Share your screen with Copilot Vision to help spark inspiration. And use Copilot Voice to have a conversation and brainstorm ideas. Or maybe you need some tech help. With Copilot Vision, Copilot sees what you see. Let Copilot talk you through step-by-step guidance so you can master new apps, games, and skills faster. Try now at windows.com slash copilot. Yeah, and it was at this point where I was out of the house. I was living my life. My sister was trying to live her life.
32:46However, we see her get into this bad relationship, and then we want to tell her and we want to get her away from this guy because we have like the, you know, like our spidey senses. Yeah. They come on. And you feel a kind of like eerie feeling. And this guy just was not rubbing us the right way. And our intuition was telling us that he was terrible. And so I actually got into a screaming match with him the day before Thanksgiving. Because I was asking my mom, why is John driving your car? and I was talking with her in the doorway. My boyfriend at the time was in the room with me and our dogs were in the room as well.
33:41He came up behind my mom and he started yelling at me given this is the second week that I've met him. Yeah. And he accused me of snooping because I went to my mom's bathroom to get a Q-tip and then I saw his stuff in there. So I also asked her about that because he wasn't supposed to be living with her, but it was very apparent that he was moving in. And then the closet that we were staying in, I literally opened that closet and there was a box. And on top of the box was a nursing certificate in plain sight. So I was not snooping. I was just going to put my stuff in the closet because that was the room that we were staying in.
34:33Yeah. And so I see this nursing certificate and honestly, I don't think anything of it. I'm just like, oh, his stuff is here. So he's moving in. I don't think that he's just a nurse, that he's not an anesthesiologist. I wouldn't either. I'd be like, maybe that's like the first step. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I'd be like, oh, look at this thing. Yeah. And I would have snooped. I'm not going to lie. I would have snooped. yeah well i'm like i i've gotten in trouble for snooping and whenever i snoop i like find stuff that's not necessarily like geared towards what i'm looking for in a sense yeah and then it's like not really like i don't know one time my ex-boyfriend snooped in my house after we broke up And he found a belt because I let him, like, come take care of the dog, Cash.
35:31And he literally found a belt. And it was, like, a studded belt. He was like, whose belt is this? Like, it's my belt. It's for my Halloween costume. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. I feel like that's so different than, like, you're wondering if this dude is moving in with your mom and you're, like, observing maybe, like, clothes in the closet or, like, bath products. Like, come on. Like, I feel like that's the most innocent of snooping, if you will. And like you said, you just like walked into the bathroom and saw it or whatever in the closet. So it's if you wanted to hide it, he should have hid it better.
36:06Right. Well, and then or he should have closed the box. He shouldn't have left it open. Yeah. You know, put something on it, put a paper towel on it. I don't know. You could hide it. But I just opened the door and then I'm like, oh, there's a nursing certificate. it. And my thoughts were, oh, he's moving in, not like, oh, he's not a doctor. Right. Oh, he's this huge con man. Yeah, that wasn't your first thought. Yeah. But he apparently thought so. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, oh, you're snooping. Uh-huh. You're snooping. You're looking into me. You know, you're claiming I'm this person. You just want your mom to yourself.
36:48And then I started yelling back FUs to him. I told him, no, John, that's what you want. I don't want my mom, you know, I don't want my mom's money. Right. And I actually cut myself off from her right after because she was helping me out. And I tried to prove a point because I was like, I don't want my mom's money. He was yelling at me for this. So I'm going to prove him right. I'm proven. and so I ended up packing up my stuff because the screaming was continuing we were continuing screaming at each other my mom asked my boyfriend at the time do you agree with Tara and my boyfriend at the time had my back and said yes I do you know I think that this guy is a bad person good for him and right and he was so we packed up our stuff we were in California didn't know where to go tomorrow the next day was Thanksgiving and so I went to my sister's but I literally had to sneak and the dogs were like in boxes because that her apartment complex didn't allow dogs yeah so it was and then I go to my sister's we're very upset and she's texting my mom and she's just like yelling at my mom for me and text and
38:38then like my mom tells her that she should go jump over the edge and go kill herself but it's not really my mom it's john texting from my mom's phone and i'm trying to tell my sister i don't think this is mom i don't think this is mom look at the wording the like i'm i'm really good out looking at wording and then kind of telling like who it is like people will comment on like our podcast and i'll be like oh that's so and so that's so and so i mean you you can tell but yeah you can tell by someone's vernacular absolutely right so i was like i'm looking at it and i'm like i don't think this is mom i think this is him like look at the words he's using like these long big words and mom doesn't usually do that she doesn't usually you know she's not pristine in her grammar I mean her grammar is good but her grammar is not like a scholar and he is like trying you know John is trying to be super intelligent he likes to use big words he likes to condescend people so he is using all these big words and I'm like this isn't her but I'm still holding my sister as she's crying and she like doesn't know what to do and I've never seen my sister be that hysterical and my sister can be reactive but I've never seen her be like that and it made me so sad and the next day we weren't invited to Thanksgiving but my sister does show up and you do kind of see that in this series um that part was true where she does show up and she just kind of like throws a fit kind of um and it's funny because in that show, like she just shows up and she throws a fit.
40:42My sister actually threw like through a vase or something. Oh, wow. I mean, you know, in hindsight, I really don't blame her. You know, and how horrible. I mean, in the moment, I'm going to wonder like, is this my mom saying one of the most terrible things you can say to a person? And just even just, you know, going through that experience and wondering had to have hurt so, so, so much. I mean, parents' words cut deeper, I think, than most. You know, that person that is supposed to unconditionally love you, when they say horrible things, it hurts a lot, even if she's not sure, right? And I know in the end it wasn't your mom, but yeah, I don't blame her in hindsight.
41:24Throw the vase. Yeah. Well, it's like many times John will take her phone and send text messages to me or my sister, my sister more so because I wasn't the one causing conflict as much I mean I did have that one incident with him where we were yelling at each other however after that I went no contact
41:58although i told my mom because i knew that this is what i needed to do and to be honest anyone that's willing to have a conversation about conflict i'm willing to have maybe not like a random troll but like yeah yeah definitely like a person who is in the space or like a friend or anything you know I had a different view about a certain case that my other friend had a different view about and so it's good to talk about this because then our views can change or we can get more clarity of what the other person is going through and why the other person may have that perspective. So I think that I, well, I know, I was like, oh, John, I know we had that fight.
42:58I didn't say this to John per se, but I said this to my mom. I'm like, oh, mom, yeah, no, John, I know we had that fight, But I would love to talk it over. I would love to get together with him. I would love to sit down and I would love to talk about this. He never wanted to do that. Yeah. He was like, oh, because right, because his point was to isolate me. And if I was wanting to build the bridge, then he couldn't isolate me again. Yeah, of course. I mean, that seems like the whole goal is to kind of change your mom's perception about her own children, isolate all of you so that he can, you know, take full control.
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44:33Iowa Debrie, Julie Kaffner, with Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson. Ella McKay, now playing. Yeah, and even during this time, my other sisters and brothers, because I have three sisters, one brother, they were still getting together with John, they were still getting together with my mom, and they were kind of thinking that my sister and I were acting irrational. oh and yeah until john started to be weird to them like he told my niece about the birds and the bees he told her what like and she was like seven or eight around this time or yeah and just like unprompted he just decided it was time for her without consulting her parents well i'm speculating that it was a way to kind of groom her.
45:39Because then he also talked to her about twerking, showed her videos of girls twerking. And so I think that that to me is pedophile behavior, but I don't have any proof with that. Yeah, I don't like that at all. Yeah. Yeah, no, she also told me the full story not too long ago, too. So that in, you know, we work with so many survivors, and we hear so many survivor stories. And I was in the middle of listening to a survivor that was coming on the podcast, they had a book. So I try to listen to everyone's book that comes on the podcast just because I have expectations for myself and I want to make sure I know them before they come on in a sense or like support their work too.
46:38So it was just talking about grooming. Oh, it was Jennifer Faison from the Betrayal podcast. she had an expert come on and that expert was talking about grooming and I was like oh my gosh this is exactly what happened but luckily nothing happened with her physically yeah thank god so right so it's just at that point my brothers and sisters heard that thought that was weird and started to put boundaries up with my mom and John, where John couldn't go see my nieces or nephews. My mom had to have supervised visits. At this time, I think my mom, though, was a little unaware of it. Like, she wasn't aware that there was always supervised visits.
47:38I think it was came along a little bit later when they were like, we don't want our kids to be around John at all. And then these guys are this good at this game. So, of course, my mom brought him around the children. And then at that point, I think that they stopped kind of really allowing my mom around John because they saw the claws that he had in her. and so at this point my family hires a private investigator and I get a call in Vegas and I get told they hired a private investigator it felt like a sense of relief a sense of hope in a sense because finally they believed what my sister and I were saying and now we're doing a plan to action yeah so it felt great when i heard that but then you find out what he's done and it's so gross how long did that take from the moment you guys hired this investigate and how long was it into the relationship also so it took around i believe it was a little after Christmas so they moved in around the two month mark and that's when I met him and then they got married like a couple weeks later without anyone's knowledge and this was a secret too so none of us knew anything until we like hired the private investigator he found out that and we had to pretend that we didn't know so I think the private investigator was around like three-ish months in okay so pretty quick I mean yeah yeah and it took it honestly like a couple weeks to get some information maybe a month I think I was in a state of well I was in a state of trauma and living in fight or flight during that time because I had weird feelings about him I had premonitions that he was gonna try to kill us or kill me or something and I even I even borrowed a gun from my neighbor because my boyfriend at the time had to go out of state to film Katie Says Goodbye in New Mexico.
50:28And I had the gun and I remember just like, I'm not great with guns. I needed training, but I was so in fear that I needed something for protection. like I had a feeling this guy was gonna come around and I remember just like trying to you know figure out how to work it and my neighbor was showing me like some things um and I remember just like getting my fingers stuck in the clip and then I remember that like you know working in the entertainment industry like I'm friends with a lot of people I was like oh, that's how Jose Quinceco shot off his finger. So don't do that. But I mean, what do you do?
51:15Yeah, you're so scared. And when you're alone, and you have these overwhelming feelings that you're going to be hurt. I mean, I get it. Yeah. And I will never have a gun in my home without like gun training or anything. So serious, for sure. Now, you know, now, but back then I was so desperate because I was so in fear. And then my boyfriend was going out of town, I was going to be alone in the house. And then we were finding out information from the private investigator that he would harass different women, different women had restraining orders on him. He, there was this one incident where he actually assaulted a girl and it got turned around where the girl, quote unquote, assaulted him and had to pay for his veneers and fake teeth.
52:08and then there was this one incident where there was this lady that was an author from brazil he pretended to be a doctor he well anesthesiologist and then he was dressed in the hospital like this is a real thing this is in the show and like the podcast and everything but he started a relationship with her and she almost sent him 31 million dollars 31 million yes because he was that like suave and one of her friends was like whoa whoa whoa what are you doing like don't send him that money then he'll have access to all that money and then she was like oh and then she started to put boundaries up and then John started to go crazy on her and then she actually I believe she moved away back to Brazil because or um it says it in the oxygen documentary that wasn't my journey but it's just crazy thing that happened you know and I think she had to move away because of him and then his sisters even had or well his one sister had a restraining order on him because she tried to help him.
53:29She tried to help him get his life together. And instead, he backfired on her. And he just did crazy things. And I don't like to use the word crazy, but he was like he was doing erratic things. He did so many things that were dangerous, so many things that were manipulated and just nasty. And I actually, I met with this one girl that was a daughter. Her mom had dated John. When she cut things off John and John was in jail, John would send people to her daughter's house to her house and show up to try to threaten to kill them. And it was so scary. Like she told me the stories and she was like, it was so scary to see that to see some guy threatened to kill me.
54:30I'm 15 years old. And I don't know what to do. I'm home alone. And I mean, that relationship that John had with that woman was a little bit complex because I know that they did do drugs together but these abusers have so many complex relationships some some people are meant for different things like I and the reason why I also knew that John was bad and that John was doing things is because I was in a relationship where this guy hit me with a car when he was on meth and I realized that it's so easy to fall in love with that bad boy with that toxic person because there's so many good moments that they give you but then they're also they create the most low moments for you and it's so toxic but it's so easy to get involved in it because then your brain gets trauma bonded to it and then you can't leave because you're in this addictive state and like what your brain's telling you that you need to go back to this person that you need to be there and so I had an understanding for my mom not being able to leave because of that and so eventually my family brought her the information to the private investigator and laid it all out for her and she confronted him with this and then she actually left him she stayed with my sister nicole and her family and stayed in my nephew noah's room and really tried to lay low because he got angry at first and then he tried to convince her that he was good and he actually brought her to a lawyer and the lawyer convinced her and told my mom that all these things that we found out were different john mehans because he did have people in his pocket like he would get lawyers disbarred there was a few different lawyers that he would get disbarred and he's he's gotten lawyers disbarred because they didn't cooperate with what he wanted them to do and he he went to school for a lawyer i don't he i don't think he graduated or anything i know he didn't graduate but he knew the law system he knew the laws and he knew the medical system disney plus wants to know are you ready for marvel studios thunderbolts the new avengers now streaming on disney plus let's do this one of the best Marvel movies of all time is now streaming on Disney+.
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58:12Well, he's very good at being a con man. And obviously beyond that, just being a terrible person, Because I do think that his behavior goes well beyond just being like a con man, right? Because stealing someone's money is something completely different than traumatizing them, than threatening them. You know, it's just it seems like he knew exactly what he was doing and how to do it and that perhaps he'd been confronted with his past before. And he, like you said, maybe had that in his pocket. He was ready to go. He was like, oh, now she knows. Okay, now I move to plan, you know, B or whatever.
58:44and I bring in the lawyers and I talk, you know, I discredit everything they say. I gaslight them. Yeah, no. And it's crazy because, I mean, we're the kids that have a problem with Skye and then there's a person of the law that's telling her this stuff. So it's like, how can we compete with that? Right. Well, and I'm sure your poor mom was so confused and because, you know, and I can't speak for her relationship, but, you know, to what you were speaking to earlier, the lows in relationships like that can be really, really low, but then the highs are really, really, really high. And so it's hard to fault someone in that situation because it's very understandable why they keep chasing that high, keep chasing that same sense of love that that person can give you at their best, which is a terrible term for this situation, but the love that you feel at that very top of the high.
59:40So I get it. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, no, it affects the brain the same way as cocaine, as sugar, as, you know, it's that high and that dopamine rush that it gives you. So your body is glued to this relationship 100%. And so she goes back with him and they get a place at the Irvine Spectrum. and they're together again. I'm trying to be supportive of my mom, even though I know that this breaks my heart, um, because I want to see her happy. I want to support her. I have these feelings, but I'm brushing aside these feelings because I mean, I just want her happy. And I think that that's why I also have like more of a voice now for what I went through is because I brushed aside these feelings and I stopped speaking up about them.
1:00:46And I was the one that was trying to be agreeable and try to be exactly like the perfect victim in a sense. and so time goes on she now gets a place in Vegas like a home in Vegas and they get a dog together she knows how much I love dogs and she always she always said this to me which I was it always gave me such a sick feeling in my stomach she was like oh john so much like you tara like john loves dogs so much you two would get along so much like you two are so similar and i'm like oh i don't think so but okay yeah yeah i'm like i love dogs and i love to take care of them And I mean, at one point I did have like bad coping mechanisms and I wasn't able to be the best person for myself for like cash after my attack.
1:01:56But I mean, when you're screaming and you're yelling and you're dealing with trauma, it's a lot. So she got back together with him, created this perfect picture life. and in the meantime he's doing more stuff to piss us off uh he is oh my gosh he i think he posted a story about my sister on the dirty if you've heard about that it's like a gossip uh website so he like posted some stuff he tried to get oh he got my sister kicked out of uh real estate school by calling and threatening the school because he would love to do these smear campaigns against me and my sister just he could never well like he did one to me one time and he almost got me in trouble but I really like people and I think a lot of people do like me in a sense so I they gave me a warning and they were like Tara we really or they didn't say my name because I pretended to be someone else um but they were like we really like you we're gonna give you a warning um and don't come back tomorrow and I was like okay got you and I didn't come back the next day but he tried to get me in trouble for stuff too but I just I I tried to give things good energy I tried to do my best on that job that I was doing for my sister and so it like it backfired because I really think that when you bring good energy and you bring that good frequency to the table like that negative energy is so hard to touch you in a sense and like it's like almost like that I and I I like to compare myself to Harley Quinn sometimes because I love her.
1:04:01And it's kind of like that dumb luck energy that you're just like walking along the side and then you're avoiding all these things. And it's kind of what leads me to my attack in a sense. Yeah, I mean, it does seem like it's escalating. I mean, he's going from like, you know, these tiffs around the holidays to all out just attacking you guys in a very blatant way that you seemed very aware of. So, yeah, I would say that it's definitely escalating despite this picture perfect life that it may look like from the outside. Yeah. And then he's picking a fight with my cousin who was being close, like was getting close to Jean and trying to be like buddy buddy with him.
1:04:44And then he pisses off that guy because he talks about shooting my sister with a sniper rifle in the head. And my cousin doesn't think that's funny because, you know what, his mom was shot by his dad. And, like, so that raises alarm. But my mom kind of laughs it off and brushes it off but doesn't think that comment's necessarily appropriate. Um, but she's in the cause of a psychopath. So she doesn't want to piss him off and then deal with that for the next couple of days. So, and at this point, my mom's not allowed to see my sister at all. Um, they're not allowed to have any contact whatsoever.
1:05:35Although my mom lies to him and tries to see my sister every once in a while. and then I'm allowed to see my mom because I'm the one that is like oh John yeah for sure I would like to get together with him I would like to talk it over with him and so that's why I'm allowed to see him because if he starts creating conflict then she's going to have questions because I'm being agreeable and then it gets to the point where she starts to get suspicion of him she starts to hire her own private investigator finds out stuff about him again again and then she finds out that he went to jail several times for like selling drugs and that's why he actually doesn't have his nursing license um he cut his stomach open in gel and stuffed feces in it so he could go to the hospital and get that drug rush and she at this point like she kind of was telling us stuff and we were just my sister and I were like okay we support you like if you leave just know that we can handle and take care of ourselves.
1:06:55We're going to be safe no matter what. So you worry about you and you please do what you need to do to leave. And she ends up trying to plan to leave. And then one day she just leaves abruptly and ends up taking like one shoe and a couple of clothes. and then she calls my sister up they go to Vegas to pack up the house of her stuff my sister films everything because they need that for evidence and they need to show that they're not taking any of his things hurting anything but he calls the police and he um I think he like hit himself or something and he claims that my mom assaulted him the police then check in on this my sister sends them the video with the time stamp and everything and they say oh okay and they kind of I think they kind of catch light that this is like a weird situation but they don't do anything to protect my mom and then at this point my mom left him um he starts to do more and more things and now he's angry at my mom so my mom packed up all the stuff put it in storage at this point she comes and she lives with my other sister Jacqueline and Jacqueline has a great place with lots of security and so it's a safe place for her my mom would let me know things that John would do here and there one day John drove his car into a gate and this is the car that he got my mom got him and he just left it there like he just abandons the car there um and police pick it up put it in in pound and then one day my mom's car gets stolen in california and she files a police report thinks john took it and then they find it a couple blocks over and it was uh like lit on fire but it was like a botched job like it didn't light all the way on fire and so there's a police report against that the police don't really do too much about it they're just like oh we gotta take it we gotta you know we'll look into this lady then my mom's going to the police stations because he's sending her threats um I mean he told my mom several times that he would kill my sister gangster style and like dump her at the bottom of the ocean where she can't ever like get up um so I mean he was giving threats like that he would send threats to my sister I don't know why but he never sent threats to my phone or anything because I think he tried to contact well I know he tried to contact me on Facebook and I had a message thing up where it blocked certain messages and I didn't find out until after everything that he was trying to send me those messages so I think because I wasn't responsive to any of those messages that he stopped with me with that kind of thing and then he we get a call from animal control and he had let his well his dog was roaming, Murphy.
1:10:52His dog was roaming in Vegas and had a really high fever. And so animal control picked her up and they kept her for a few days. He didn't go and pick her up. And so we picked her up and then I had Murphy because I worked at a dog kennel I was able to bring dogs to work with me every day she was so good with other dogs and she still is she's an English golden retriever so she's just like a floppy dog and um so and he I mean he loved her in the sense of how someone like this could love something like that. Like it was another possession to him that made him happy because he was able to control a dog.
1:11:48Like dogs are so easy to control. And if you know how to train. Yes. And eager to please. Right. So for a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath, they might like this kind of attention because it's like this attention that no one else gives them and they can always like control the dog or if they can't control the dog, unfortunately, they, you know, might harm the dog in certain ways. But for this type of person, like, like they say, I think a big misconception is that psychopaths don't like dogs. And so if that, if the person, you know, if a dog likes that person or something, that that person's not a good person or something like that, it's just that dog did love John.
1:12:46Sure. And that dog was eager to please. And John did fancy that dog. So, you know, he hated the fact that it went to my possession. and he hated the fact that my mom had it. Even though we gave him the option to get the dog, we didn't want to take the dog from him. We just wanted the dog safe, and my mom bought the dog with him, and so that dog is her responsibility as well. So I had the dog. The dog was living a great life with me. I would give the dog to my mom certain days so that she could spend time with the dog, and then I would take the dog back. Because I also had – oh, no, I only had two.
1:13:38Sorry. I had a dog that passed away during the time of John's era. Yeah. Hard. Hard. We love dogs here. So, yeah. Right. But I'm glad that somebody picked him up, though. I mean, you know, it's one thing to love a dog and it's another thing to just leave them there abandoned. You know what I mean? I think it kind of tells us everything we need to know. Yeah. And he would leave the dog to go stalk us in California. So that's why the dog was getting out. and I knew that he stalked me because at one point he called my work the day before but pretended to be this guy with a French accent and he made an appointment for his Rhodesian Ridgebacks to get groomed and the day before a couple days prior I had met a couple of Rhodesian Ridgebacks on the back bay the trail that I always hike and so he saw me talk to people that had those dogs because I literally stopped and I talked to like these people that had Rhodesian rich backs on the trail.
1:14:50So he saw me there and I didn't put this together till after everything, but he and him doing that, he messed up my schedule because those dogs were no shows the next day. And this was August 20th. And so I went home early. I normally have like a three hour break unless I'm grooming. And so I went home. I started to get ready because I was going to the Jason Aldean concert that night. And then I left because I got like halfway ready, if that makes sense. Like I just put on my foundation and my eyebrows and blush and that stuff. And then I was going to do the eyes and everything right after. Oh, sure.
1:15:40Because it was like I had to get home from work and then get ready like within 15 minutes and then go to the concert. So I actually leave 25 minutes early or like 35 minutes early. I left at 525 or something like that. and I go home I take the same way I always do I made a complaint the day before about the gate being broken and the gate was still broken so people were able to get into the parking structure and I pull into a parking spot but my dog sees someone and starts barking aggressively at them. And I look over and it's this guy in a baseball hat and he's fiddling with a tire iron. And I just tell my dog to knock it off.
1:16:38My dog's a really great dog. He stops barking, listens to me. And I park my car where I normally park my car. We don't have assigned parking. However, I'm just a creature of habit and I like to park in the same exact spot every single day. And so I get out of my car, get my dog out, and then I get grabbed by the license plate. He grabs me by the waist, looks me in the eyes, and says, do you remember me? I looked up at him, and I immediately tried to flee from him. I dropped my dog's leash because I wanted my dog to run away and, you know, get out of this situation.
1:17:24i end up he grabs me he tries to cover my mouth i bite him as hard as i can because i know that i need to fight back and he if he covers my mouth or puts anything over my face i could get chlorophyll and I could or I don't know a chlorophyll I could get like he could drug me yeah and I could pass out chloroform um so I bit him as hard as I could so he couldn't even cover my face at all and he kept trying to and then he got angry and then he started punching me what I thought was punching me and I brought up my arm and my purse to protect my heart um he was actually stabbing me but I don't find this out till later um but he stabs me in the forearm and then he's I'm unclear if he stabbed me in the chest at this point or if this happens when I'm on the floor um but he's trying to stab me in my heart but I put my arm up and my purse up to protect myself so he's unable to get my heart and I end up falling on my back and he falls on his knees and he's over me and at this point the knife was in a Del Taco bag beforehand to conceal it and at this point the Del Taco bag is off and I see the knife as clear as day and I'm just well I felt my shoulder hit the floor first that's what hit the floor and then I'm just using my shoulders and then I'm kicking his forearms as they're coming down on me and I'm wearing rain boots because I just came from working at the dog kennel and I'm kicking his forearms as they're trying to come down and then at one point I'm actually able to kick the knife out of his hand and then it lands on my right hand side I pick it up it lands in the ice pick position which is perfect I pick it up I don't really give it a second thought and in that time too I felt kind of like my guides or my angels or god or whoever tell me like pick it up right now um I pick it up and I start willing on him and my god um every time I tell the story I kind of click it's click and have something that fully connects um where this time I'm actually able to see me overthrow through his shoulders and stab him on his like back of his shoulders where I've never been able to really see that to be honest.
1:20:19So I do that and I'm stabbing his shoulders. I stab him 13 times in the shoulders and then he's falling on me and I'm holding on his face because I watched so much Walking Dead that I'm kind of like monkey see monkey do. And so I'm holding his face so that he can't bite me like a zombie and then I end up stabbing him in the forehead because I need to kill his brain and then the last point of entry was to the eye which is the softest point of entry to the brain and that's the one that made him really brain dead and then I took the knife out I tossed it away from his body and then I pushed him off of me and I scooted back and I started to assess the situation.
1:21:09I noticed that I was bleeding for my forearm. So I started to cover and apply pressure to that to slow down the bleeding. And then I looked up, I saw that my dog started to eat Del Taco. I tried to yell at him to stop. But he was in the state of like this hyper arousal because he just used all his adrenaline. And so he was doing things that his brain wasn't really connecting. and so he was eating the Del Taco that had fallen on the floor and then I look up I see this lady in her um like middle-aged lady uh white woman and she has a yellow lab and she asked me what can I do to help you and I told her just to grab my dog because I didn't want him to eat the Del taco because I was afraid there could be poison in there because I'm always with my dog.
1:22:06So it would be dumb for him not to bring something for my dog, but maybe he just assumed he met my dog before. So the dog wasn't going to do anything, even though the dog bit his ankles and he had to get stitches from that. Um, and I'm just like, good boy, Cash. Um, and that dog is no longer here. So, like, I just get emotional about that part. Um, yeah, so she takes cash. And then at this point, this guy shows up on a bike with dreads. And he asked me, like, what can I do? I keep repeating myself over and over again because I need other people to know the severity of the situation and what exactly happened.
1:22:56and I don't want to give too much information where people, where it might mess up the investigation. So why is keep repeating myself? That was my stepdad. He tried to kill me. That was my stepdad. He tried to kill me. That was my stepdad. He tried to kill me.
1:23:18Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week with part two of Tara's story. But, as always, thank you, I love you, and I'll talk to you next time.
1:24:01Thank you.
From the publisher
You may know Terra's name from the podcast or Netflix series titled Dirty John. Basically, Terra's mom, Debra, began dating a man named John Meehan, who wasn't who he presented himself to be, and things got very dangerous very quickly. The result was Meehan attacking Debra's daughter, Terra, in the parking garage of her apartment complex, where he began stabbing her. But Terra was able to get the knife and ended up killing Meehan in self-defense.
Terra's story has been told by so many different people over the years... But like so many of the survivors and family members we speak to on this show, Terra saw some major issues within the true crime entertainment industry and began telling her story in her own words as well as helping others do the same.
I was actually on Terra's podcast, Time Out with Terra, years ago to talk about Alissa. But since then, she and friend of the show, Collier Landry, created The Survivor Squad podcast. I've known Terra for years, but as we discuss, conversations like these aren't exactly casual ones to have with friends over drinks, so this is the first time we've really sat down and talked about everything.
For more information about the podcast and the cases discussed, visit VoicesforJusticePodcast.com
Don't forget to follow me on social media under Voices for Justice Podcast & SarahETurney
The introduction music used in Voices for Justice is Thread of Clouds by Blue Dot Sessions. Outro music is Melancholic Ending by Soft and Furious. The track used for ad transitions is Pinky by Blue Dot Sessions.
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