Terra Newell Part 2

34:05Oh, yeah. There are a lot of people who take advantage of families and survivors and people who have never maybe seen a contract before in their lives. I was one of those people. Absolutely. And I know that the second we bring up money, people are going to go, ugh. You know, they just want to be paid. They're in it for the money. And it's not that. It's like the equality of the treatment. You know what I mean? Like you have this Netflix series. You have this podcast. And let's be real. They are making millions of dollars off these things, millions of dollars. And that is off of your trauma. And you go through trauma during those productions.

34:41And then they just – and I don't think it's always malicious, but it's like then you're just dropped from it. And then you have all this residual trauma that you may need therapy for or services for. And so not only are you going through this experience, you are paying to go through this experience. So I don't think anybody is like, I'm here to get rich off of it. It's just like, why is this system like this? It is inherently unfair. We are inherently being used. I always say that families and survivors giving interviews are almost like the unsung workhorses of true crime. They're like the little ant workers beneath that don't get anything but make all these other people, whether it's fame or money or whatever it is, that's all off the backs of people like you and me.

35:30And I don't think that we're over here, like, give us millions of dollars. We're just like, perhaps we could have equal treatment if we are, you know, quite literally in some cases creating your entire production. yeah no and you know the actor that gets to play us like the minimum that they'll get paid is probably six hundred dollars yeah you know and that's a minimum so if they had to play us in a sense like shouldn't we also get like a cut of that um and i'm only saying this because this becomes our job and this becomes what we do but then we have to find these other outlets of work to try to make things afloat and to try to even get food on the table for ourselves like I mean I like I love so many survivors and I love people but when I see someone get pregnant and stuff like if that happens for me I'm like holy crap like what would I even do to take care of that baby because I am struggling to make money myself because I've been thrown into this world.

36:45And I mean, I did give consent to share my story. However, I didn't realize that a podcast can make money, especially if over 100 million listeners. Yes, podcasts can make a lot of money. And that's the thing. Like if you're essentially, and I don't know that this was your experience. This was my experience with another podcast where I felt like I was essentially being the executive producer of the podcast. At one point, I was editing the podcast. I was editing things for the podcast, I should say. And again, it's not about like I want to make millions of dollars off of this. It's like every other person is paid in these positions, but then it's somehow unethical to pay us for that same work.

37:31And, you know, I think there's a balance, right? Like, you know, I would never expect to be paid for an interview. I get that. I get the ethics of that. But if I'm consulting with you, if I am executive producing this in a sense, then yeah, I expect to be treated like any other professional in the business. I don't think that it's fair to exclude us from those positions while we are doing the exact same job description, like to the T. It just, it feels very much like exploitation and it doesn't feel good. yeah no 100 and it's just interesting because the executive producers and stuff those people know about it but we're like wait what what's going on something's getting made like our voice is going to be heard like our story is going to be told in a great light hopefully you know hopefully fingers crossed and you know i'm very thankful for my producer like the producer who was there with me because if I hit him up to this day like I think I told him I went on a podcast and I was like hey just so you know I'm talking about this stuff but it doesn't have to do with you I'm just you know speaking for survivors and the ethics of everything but if I text him and I'm like hey I need this or hey can you be there for me he'll be there for me this day like his whole family would and that is a different kind of producer in a sense like he the attack in the show actually was 100 from my point of view I sat down with a stunt coordinator the director the executive producer and we went through everything and we made sure it was the way that I wanted my attack to be shown and I was so incredibly grateful for that I did make money off of that series however it's not like the money Julia Gardner may have made off of that series of course you know um yeah and I think that that is what we need like if I also threatened to tell them I was like I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna go sell it and I'm gonna get an agent and I'm gonna to sell the series.

39:46I was told that I couldn't, like, you could do that, but we already have it sold to Braga for two seasons, so. Oh, yeah, there's no consent involved. Yeah. Oh, yeah, no, you just get a call one day and they're like, oh, yeah, no, we're doing this whole thing about you and your story. And it's like, oh, I mean, and that's what's so hard, right? Because I do believe in free speech, right? Like, anybody can pick up these stories and talk about them, But does that make it a good production? You know, in my opinion, I think it makes it a better production when you actually speak to the people involved.

40:19I mean, crazy concept and true crime, I know. But, you know, it's the difference between, like, I always equate it to perhaps something like a podcast about being in the military. Like, do you want to hear that from someone who's never been in the military? Someone who's just researched being in the military? I mean, I wouldn't. You know, same with, like, a medical field, right? Here's a nursing podcast. Well, what are your credentials? Oh, nothing. I just researched it. Like, why in true crime is that 100 % acceptable? And in some cases, to some listeners, actually preferred. You know, I'm sure you've heard the same feedback.

40:54Like, I don't want to hear it from you. Like, you're too emotional. You're too close to it or whatever. I want to hear my favorite person who researches and Googles it retell this story. And it's a hard thing to grapple with. oh 100 % I'm like wait okay so you don't want the actual person that knows the details because I'll tell you like this is I'm I'm kind of weird when other people cover my story like I get it and I am friends with a lot of people that have covered my story and not let me know right away you know but I'm I give them grace because they want to help me out now you know and but every time I listen to something that someone else has done without any of the victims or survivors there there's always things where I'm like oh that's not right that's not right no that's not right And I'm like, wait, what?

41:53Like I. Yeah, I'm a fan of like so this like YouTuber and they covered my story and I'm like, oh, that's not right. But I really like her. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. It's hard. And it's – and, you know, I cover a lot of different cases, right? I do unsolved only or solved if I have someone that can participate. But it's hard because I truly don't believe in every case. For example, I cover a lot of cases of children going missing from foster care or perhaps a child goes missing or is murdered and the parents are – there's a lot of suspicion on the parents or the caregivers. Like in that situation, I'm there advocating for the child.

42:34I'm not going to go ask for a parent that may be suspected to be involved to come interview for my podcast. Like above all, I'm there for the victim. But as much as possible, I try to incorporate other people. So I know that it's a finicky thing, I should say. And I also do think that, you know, when your case was being covered a few years ago, true crime looks completely different. Like it has evolved so much in just these few short years. Like when I first started doing the podcast, no one had a call to action. Nobody at the end of their podcast was like, hey, maybe you can actually help these people we're talking about.

43:12And now it's like, you know, it's like a standard almost. You know, what's your call to action? How can people help? It's almost – it's not a requirement. Obviously, there's no requirements in true crime because it is the Wild West. But it's definitely becoming more of a standard, I think. So I think things are changing. But I think both of us have kind of been through the ringer as being a part of that change because it's excruciating. Well, and I think that there really does need to be a change. But what is the right change? How do we make it apparent? And I think having conversations like this, having the platforms that we have, and yes, we do get those haters, but sometimes actually having conversations with those haters sometimes, like they see that we're a real person and that we're actually going to respond to them.

44:04And then they're like, oh, I didn't see it like this way. Like, I remember responding, like, when we were on that text thread and stuff, responding to someone and standing about for one of the survivors. And I just went on and I explained, like, listen, hey, I understand that you're feeling this way, but you need to try to see it from our point of view. Like, we're the only ones that don't get paid on set. Like, we're the only ones that are kind of being used for free. is that fair or is that expectation in a way? And just like bringing some sense into the question might help other people where, you know, there are other people where they're like, nope, you're wrong.

44:44You're guilty. You're this way. And those people, you know what, you're not going to change those people. But it's so helpful to have conversations with other people that are willing to listen and willing to listen to that change. And I think I don't know about you, but I I think that ethics for me, there's so many people that have difference of opinions about ethics even. And I think just like the ethics is like asking someone, asking someone, hey, I really want to cover your story. Like, could you be a part of it? Or can you point me into the right direction for good research for this project?

45:25and if they don't respond like know that some people are in seasons with their trauma and don't want to like talk about it this time but may want to talk about it later and then other people just want to be left alone and all should be respected absolutely absolutely fire is the only pure thing in this world on december 19th the world of avatar will change forever there's something you're hiding. Tell her it is time. From director James Cameron. This world goes much deeper than you imagine. Get tickets now. Movies don't get any bigger than this. The day has come. Avatar, Fire and Ash. Rated PG-13.

46:12May be inappropriate for children under 13. Get tickets now. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan are back in Disney's Freakier Friday. Now streaming on Disney+. We switched bodies. I'm freaking out right now. I think I just peed a little. It's an absolute riot. And the only movie that can be described as... So much weirder than the last time. What last time? It's the Frequel. You ready? We've been waiting for. That absolutely slays. Disney's Freakier Friday, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG. I mean, I'm just in awe of what you've done. You really... And, you know, I have to say, I think you've had it, obviously, a million times harder than me.

46:52You know, I think what you are accused of is so much worse than what I've been accused of and I can't even imagine. And what you went through is so deeply personal. I mean, how does it feel when you just when you just see it pop up and somebody covers your story? I honestly like there's times where I do go to like the appeasing and I do get excited. I'm like, how can I collaborate with this person? but then there's other times where I see maybe like a TikTok and it's this one huge makeup artist and they're using my audio and it's really inappropriate because I'm not gonna lie that TikTok I did I'm just like a bubble sometimes and I don't realize that I am like aligning certain things but like the daddy's little monster t-shirt with the audio it just I mean it kind of was comical in a sense but it's no one's audio to make fun of it's no one's there's a story behind that and I used it to try to create awareness it wasn't planned to be like oh daddy's little monster killed her stepdad you know and you've had my support well you've had my back with that one and you let me know when it was out.

48:13But it's like, people sometimes just need to stay in their own lane. And, you know, if you cover something about me, and you haven't reached out, just know I'm always here. And I, I can consent. I'm, I'm really easy to shoot an email, DM on Instagram. like I I see it I will respond to you you know um I may not be able to respond one day but I'll respond like a couple days later or something and consent we are so big on consent with sex and why aren't we big on consent with people taking our trauma stories because to me that's just as vulnerable? You know, I will tell you the response I always get to that because, you know, when I first started talking about ethics and true crime, I got a lot of backlash.

49:09Like, it was really hard. Like, I got attacked for everything I did. And what I would always get was, well, it's free speech. It's free speech. Why do you want to hinder free speech? We're allowed to do anything we want. And so I always try to, like, flip that back on especially content creators. I'm like, oh, okay. You know what I mean? Like, okay, so if you have a prior arrest record, you're cool with me making a podcast episode about that. Oh, no, am I violating you now? Oh, interesting. Like, and I don't mean to be malicious like that, but it's like, I don't know how to make them see it any other way.

49:45Like, we're not trying to, you know, tarnish free speech. I am 100 % for free speech. Free speech saved me. Free speech is how I was able to tell my sister's story. But there's a difference, right? There's a difference between being malicious. And it's also kind of like, okay, well, you know, if you're going to take this approach and do what you want to do, then don't sit there and complain about the backlash when people don't like it or people say that you're being cruel or that you're not considering somebody's feelings because all those things are true also. It's, you know, it's like they want to silence us.

50:17And then when we speak up, then we no longer have free speech. You know what I mean? Like, for example, I tried to, well, not even, I didn't even try to. I alluded to speaking about a bad experience with a podcast and bam, I was hit with a legal order. You know what I mean? I had to go to court and fight to get my rights back. There was this teeny tiny clause that I would have never seen if I didn't have a, I hired my first lawyer. I'd never had one before. I had no money. And I had no idea that there was this teeny tiny clause that said, you cannot speak about the subject matter of that podcast, which was my sister, which meant I was not allowed to speak about my sister until I went to court and fought it.

50:55And I mean, it's just insane the way that they will take your story and, you know, back it up with the free speech. And then the second you try to talk about having a negative experience, they try to shut you down. And it's like, man, it's a two-way street. Like if you have free speech, so do I. I'm allowed to say I did not like your production. I did not have a good time on your production. You traumatized me. I did not appreciate the way you went about that. It's not, for me, I don't, like, it doesn't feel like, I'm not trying to cancel anybody. Like, these are really important issues that people need to know as they consume true crime.

51:32It's not just gossip. It's not just being mean. It's like, you should know this is how the final product that you're receiving is made because I think it's important. And maybe I'm just that person. Like, I want to know, like, where do my eggs come from? Like, are these chickens being treated nice? You know, like, I am that person. I am a very, I try to be anyway, the best I can, a conscious consumer. So that was a really big rant about free speech. But it's like, yeah, it goes both ways, man. Wait, I'm like, well, I first want to say that that means that you've gotten somewhere if you've gotten hit with a legal order like that.

52:10I guess so. I guess so. It was really interesting. One tweet did it, apparently. One very vague tweet that didn't even name anyone. But in the end, I won. We went to court and the judge ended up saying, this is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. And I was like, yeah, I agree. And it was so bad. I had to sit there on the stand and this person hired what feels like the meanest lawyer on the planet. And they just kept yelling at me. They were like, that made you angry, didn't it and that made and you didn't really care about your sister did you you just wanted the fame it was horrendous it was it it like primed me for the trial I'm about to go through but like it it was it was one of the worst things I've ever gone through I'm so sorry like um I like wanted I kind of want to know who they are first of all so I could like have them on my shit list.

53:06But like, I mean, I've gone after like, I've, you know, randomly said, podcast names and stuff as examples here and there. And like, it's just I call people out so that they could do better, you know, and you know, from when I've called out certain people, like I've seen this person have on so many survivors and donate so much of their portions to survivors and stuff like we are all in this space and we can all learn and grow like and it's for the survivors to call them out kind of like and you know do that sometimes because we all need to learn and grow and if you're an empathetic person you're going to want to grow and make it ethical you know yeah um so i'm i'm surprised that happened and i'm so sorry and like i i mean that's why i also don't talk about like billy jensen as much you know like if i i'm in i don't want to allude to too much but if i say certain things about him then i could get hit with a cease and desist but it's all on the rolling stone article so it's all public right there there you go well like that's the thing, right?

54:24Like I don't call people out a lot. I think I have this reputation that like, oh, Sarah's this like badass that calls people out. And it's like, I've called out like a handful of people in my life. And that was usually in a really desperate situation and mostly because of the trial, right? But, you know, for example, somebody had used my audio and it was like fashioned in such a way that it seemed like I appeared on the podcast. And I had to like answer to that to the lawyers for the trial I'm going through. You know what I mean? So I'm like, hey, Like, this is affecting my life. I'm not just trying to, like, be a jerk or, like, get attention or whatever.

54:57Like, when you say I'm doing something that I'm not, I have real-life consequences I have to deal with. And I was terrified. You know, it was right when my dad got arrested and everybody was covering it and I was terrified. side. So, you know, so I really don't call people out a lot, but I also feel very much that if in this position where we're talking about true crime, creators like me, you know, creators that don't focus solely on survivors like you do, you know what I mean? And having that full consent part where they're telling their story like we're doing today. You know, there's like, I lost my train of thought.

55:34Hold on. I'm getting so passionate speaking with you. What was I going to say? Oh, okay. I was going to say that there's a risk involved with being a creator like me. You know what I mean? A family may not like what you have to say. A survivor may not like what you have to say and they may call you out. And you know what? It sucks. I've had somebody email me and say, hey, this episode hurt me. And you know what I did? I talked to them and I fixed it and And it was all fine. But that is the position I put myself in. You know, I'm ready. Like if somebody wants to call you out, that's, again, the way that free speech works, man.

56:10You have the free speech to create a podcast about whatever you want. And these people that you're talking about also have the option to say, hey, I don't like that. You can't have one without the other. Yeah. No, and so true. And like, you know, there's whenever I share my story, there's like other Dirty John survivors. And I'm like, I hope I don't offend them in any way. And I hope I tell the story right for them, you know. And I hope they're not reliving their trauma over and over again. I mean, I bet you they are. But he came after me. And this has really been my journey. And I didn't ask for him to come after me.

56:49And I was the one that ended it. So that's why I – and every time I talk about it, like someone contacts me. and they're like, oh, I defend myself in this or, you know, I got out of this dirty John relationship, even though I don't really like that word. But, you know, there's so much growth in me sharing my story. And so really the positive outweighs the negative. And, you know, all I can do is hope that if they don't want to see it, that they block me and or they'll tell me like, hey, you know, Can you just tell it like this? Like, I mean, Tanya in the beginning, John's ex-wife, she told me that she didn't like for me to call John the devil.

57:37And so I stopped doing that because out of respect to the other survivors in this. Yeah. Well, and you've really, I mean, this is your life now. You've really, you know, you do a lot of work in this space. I know that you started with the podcast I was on, Time Out with Tara. And that was a great experience with you because you are so sensitive and wonderful and you were so, so kind. but over the years you know I feel like you've really blossomed for lack of a better word not that you weren't beautiful and blossomed before but you know you know I feel like you're like reclaiming your story you know you do the trauma workshops and now you have this very exciting new podcast which I would love for you to tell everybody about but yeah just I guess tell us what you're doing now because I see it I don't know if my listeners see it.

58:25So I have Survivor squad podcast and you know it's not the only ethical true crime podcast out there but it's a different format more so than like yours and um other survivors out there where we kind of have the banter and it's you know we have the guy and the girl perspective of true crime stories I guess and we have conversations where I hope it brings change where you know we're all similar in a space but we're all different too. Where I think it's unique in that sense of the banter. And I haven't heard anything like this. And I do listen to a lot of podcasts. So if you have a similar podcast, I don't want to step on your toes.

59:11But I think it's very unique in that factor. And I've, you know, I've gotten great feedbacks from the other survivors that, But so Jennifer Faison came on and she was from the Betrayal podcast. Her conversation is more of a banter one where each survivor that comes on the podcast is a little bit different. Like we try to format it to each and every person where each survivor, some survivors need to tell their story and get through that cathartic sense of that. where some survivors are done talking about their story and they're just like, I'm done with this. And so we talk about the healing factors, the media, what it was like to deal with all of that, you know.

1:00:05Because I think that this space, like, people don't realize that each survivor is different. They see us as just something to be seen and viewed. And so I just want to, you know, work with each survivor in the way that they want to work with. And even coming on your podcast, like you gave me some great ideas because I wasn't aware of, you know, I like to talk about my story and have it heard from my voice where I understand other survivors might want to have it narrated. and so I was like oh that's a great thing to ask the survivor if they come on the show like do they want us to tell anything for them and you know our voice do they you know because I want to make this place as good as possible and I want to make the space as good as possible and you know we're all human we all make mistakes but as long as we're all trying to grow together and make the space a great space.

1:01:11I think that's the greatest thing. And, you know, that's why we created Survivor Squad and you created your show is for that. And I think that if you tune into Survivor Squad, you're going to find a lot of great survivors there. And it's going to align with this podcast as well with, you know, just having the survivor story told from their point of view. Yeah, yeah. And of course, your co host is friend of the show, call your Landry. We love him. Well, and I think, you know, maybe this is a terrible term, but it just came to me right now. It feels very much like true crime plus, right? It's not just the story.

1:01:48It's like, you know what I mean? It's like the aftermath of it all. It's like, okay, you know, for example, like if people wanted more details on your story that maybe you just didn't want to share today or weren't comfortable or didn't think of, whatever it might be, right? Like they can go look that up. Like the point is like for us to have this candid conversation and kind of peel back the curtain. And that's what Survivor Squad feels like to me. It's like true crime plus. I don't know. Maybe that's like the worst term ever, but that's kind of what it came to my mind. Well, I love it because I think of HBO Max.

1:02:17So I'm like, oh, we're like the Max too. Yes. And now it'll just be plus, right? Because, yeah, they're taking away the HBO or whatever. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I'm so excited. And then with Survivor Squad, we also promote our coaching because if you're coming on and you're listening to true crime podcast, we do want you to have an outlet. And we also have resources in every episode. If you are struggling with domestic violence, toxic relationship, or sexual trafficking, anything along those lines, because we want everyone to have resources and the call to action, if they relate to something in the episode, because when you listen to these podcasts, you might realize that we're all survivors.

1:03:03Yeah, absolutely. Well, and I think, you know, when people listen to these stories, they may not realize, you know, that it could be similar to a situation in their life that they could, you know, apply to make their lives better. So I think what you're doing is absolutely amazing. I just, I don't know, it's just so exciting to see you start this new podcast. And just, like I said, just kind of grow and flourish. And I love seeing more people like us in the space. I think that true crime for a very long time, it's getting a little bit better now. But like I mentioned earlier, it's like this disconnect where it's like these strangers who've never been through something similar.

1:03:40Or, you know, I'm sure many have. But, you know, oftentimes it's just somebody who picked it up and wanted to make content, right? You see a lot of people who have shifted from like they used to do lifestyle or beauty content and now they do true crime. And it's, you know, and it's as long as you have good intentions and you're learning to grow, right, or you want to grow, I should say, you know, because I mess up all the time and I'm happy to say that. I think life is all about growing and being better every single day. So as long as you have that in your mind, you know, you're good with me. It's the people who are like, I've done nothing wrong ever.

1:04:17I have the right to do anything I want and make people feel however I want because freedom of speech. Then it's like, yes, you know, having the right to do something and it being like a nice thing to do are very different things. So I think you're like the best of both worlds because I think you have great intentions. You have a lot of, you know, work and experience in this space. And so does Collier. So I think those survivors are in very good hands. Thank you. Well, and he even says he learns a lot from me with his trauma. I learn. Every time I have a conversation like this, I learn something.

1:04:50You know, I feel like I learned stuff from you today. And I think it's just so powerful. And it's just a little bit different than traditional, here's the facts of a true crime case, you know, bum, bum, bum, the end. True, yes. And they are entertaining in a sense, but you don't get to know the real person or the real story in a sense. Yeah, it's definitely more personal when you have, you know, perhaps the actual person it happened to involved. Yeah, definitely more personal. yes all right well i know that um this is you know definitely going to be like a two-part episode at this point which is so exciting i i love it um i'm sorry that i took up so much of your time but why are you sorry i really enjoyed talking to you and i was like oh wow we've we've gone a long time but we've also needed to catch up i agree i agree it's been too long we get so everybody's so busy and everybody's so, you know, caught up in their own work.

1:05:47And, you know, admittedly, I am crazy busy over here with the trial. So I agree that we needed to catch up. And I really liked it. I really enjoyed it. And yeah, before we close out first, is there anything else you'd like to say before I ask you to plug all your things? No, but I will tell you some stuff after we're done recording. Okay. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Well, with that being said, Tara, where can everybody find you? Where can they find Survivor Squad and everything that you're doing? So I'm over all platforms on social media, Tara Newell. And then Survivor Squad podcast is available anywhere where podcasts are available.

1:06:29And we'll hopefully have some YouTube videos available soon on there as well. Okay. Well, thank you so much for being on the show today, Tara. You're amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for listening, and please don't forget to give Tara and the Survivor Squad podcast a follow. And let's keep this conversation going on social media. I'd love to know what you think. Is it ethical to pay someone close to these stories to do the work traditionally done by an outside professional for things like editing, producing, or marketing? Is it exploitation if they aren't paid for those positions?

1:07:05How do you feel about creators discussing stories of survival without the consent of the person they're speaking about? and what right does the survivor have to speak out about those productions? I'd love to hear your thoughts about that and everything we discussed, so be sure to follow the Voices for Justice social media channels to keep this conversation going. But as always, thank you, I love you, and I'll talk to you next time.

1:07:33Voices for Justice is hosted and produced by me, Sarah Turney, and is a Voices for Justice media original. If you love what we do here, please don't forget to follow, rate, and review the show in your podcast player. And for even more content, check out my other podcast, Disappearances, only on Spotify.

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1:08:46For the key to our survival, three of you must quest to the sea of monsters. Let's go do the impossible. I'm not going to let some stupid monsters stand in my way. Percy Jackson and the Olympians. New season now on Disney Plus and Hulu. Learn more at DisneyPlus.com slash What's On. Thank you.

1:09:40Welcome to the Secret After Show. This one is going to be short. I just wanted to address, and I'm laughing because I have to laugh. I just wanted to address something that's been coming up like literally every day in messages, on reviews for the podcast, on Twitter. Somebody created, it looks like they created a whole account just to tell me that I had great content, but they couldn't stand my voice and that my voice has changed. That's the feedback I'm getting is like, why did you change your voice? Why are you trying to like whisper or be more guttural? And this isn't by choice. This is me just naturally talking.

1:10:19And of course, you guys, when I read a script, you know, it's hard to get that natural voice, but I am trying. And the bottom line is I I got so many comments about my voice changing, right? Not just not liking my voice because that happens, whatever. It's podcasting. I'm in your ears. If you don't like my voice, I get it. You know what I mean? I am sad to, you know, have you go. But I get it. If you don't like my voice, you don't want to listen. That's totally fine. But I got so many comments that my voice had changed that I did a little telehealth session with a doctor. And I was like, you know, I'm getting these comments.

1:10:56I don't really know what's going on. You know, and one of the first thing they asked me was, are you under a lot of stress? And yeah. And when I explained the stress I was under, they were like, yeah, if you're seeing a change in your voice, which it's hard for me because I hear it all the time. If you're seeing a change in your voice, you know, if there's nothing, if your throat's not hurting a ton, which it does off and on, you know, I'm still going to go into like a physical doctor and like get my throat checked out. But they said that most likely it's just stress and that stress can make your voice really hoarse.

1:11:32And they also think that it's very likely that because of all this stress, my body is basically just like tensing up at all times, which includes my throat and my jaw and my mouth. And, you know, although I've been like, I have my right here, I have my little honey water because tea gives me a tummy ache. Don't judge me. So I have my honey water that's warm. You know, I do my vocal warm ups. I sit there and say, you know, my name is Sarah Turney and this is Voices for Justice, you know, about a bajillion times trying to to fix it. And, you know, at this point, the doctor basically said, I don't see your voice going back to normal until you're under a more normal level of stress.

1:12:17So, yeah, I just wanted to give you guys an update and let you know what was going on there. And I can only do so much. And I hope that, you know, you guys can just kind of bear with me. And as I posted on Instagram, kind of deal with the Janis Joplin vibes we got going right now. I know I'm a little hoarse, I'm a little raspy, but that's just how my voice is right now. So please bear with me. I will say the stress of the trial is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It's like, and obviously I can't go into too much detail, but it's like sometimes it'll be like once a week. Sometimes it'll be multiple times a day.

1:12:59You know, I get news about the trial or, you know, a document comes through, whatever it is. And it's like mentally I'm wiped out. I feel like I could sleep for 12 hours after. It's just the stress is literally unbearable. And before you tell me to take a break, which I will if I need to, I will say that throughout this entire process, as always, you know, helping others and continuing this show and doing disappearances and continuing to work feels better than taking a break. And I'm not sure that taking a break from the show or any of my shows will really help lessen that stress. This is stress I can handle, right?

1:13:43The stress of work is something I'm very familiar with. Gosh, I started working when I was like 16, right? And I've always had like multiple jobs or side gigs, Etsy, Amazon, you know, whatever, selling things on the side, flipping things. I've always had multiple jobs and I love to work. I really, really do. And so I don't want to take a break. And I think that helping other people is one of the only things that is keeping my mind bright at this time, to be totally honest with you. It's like that potential of just making the world a better place when it feels like a really awful one to me sometimes.

1:14:17so yeah I don't want to take a break so hopefully you can just deal with my voice and if not if you need to take a break while my voice maybe sounds a little more hoarse to you that's totally okay but I'm gonna keep helping people as long as I can as long as I have the time before this trial and of course I'm trying to get as many episodes in the can before the trial so that there's no interruption in service or whatever you want that's like the worst term ever you guys but yeah I just want to keep it going and I did want to address because there are a lot of you out there talking about my voice and again it's not intentional I am trying to navigate it the best I can it appears that it is a stress condition that I just I do not see and the doctor does not see getting any better until this trial is over so unfortunately that is the reality of my situation right now.

1:15:12I do hope that you stay with me, but as always, thank you for tolerating me here in this after show moment. I love you, and I'll talk to you next time. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. You know, one of the perks about having four kids that you know about is actually getting a direct line to the big man up north. And this year, he wants you to know the best gift that you can give someone is the gift of Mint Mobile's unlimited wireless for$15 a month. Now, you don't even need to wrap it. Give it a try. at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for a three-month plan equivalent to$15 per month required.

1:15:46New customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes if network's busy. Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.