Where the Sidewalk Ends, Justice Begins

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1:49Take the exit. Turn right into the drive-thru. Nope, I'm making dinner tonight. You don't have time. Josh has practice. Oh, that's right. I'll just get a salad. And fries? No, just the salad. But salad cancels fries. Salad only. Fries. Salad. Fries. Food noise isn't fair, but Mochi Health is. The affordable GLP-1 source that puts you on the road to successful weight loss. Hey, can I get the... Fries! Salad! Sorry. Learn more at joinmochi.com. Mochi members have access to licensed physicians and nutritionists. Results may vary. I've spent months dreading today. months thinking about what I should do to celebrate 25 years that Alyssa's been gone rejecting help for things like a candlelight vigil because it just doesn't seem like Alyssa I even wrote out an entire letter that I was going to read for you guys today but nothing feels quite right and to be totally honest a lot of it felt performative writing down a letter with all the thoughts that I know Alyssa truly knows already somehow Well, none of it seemed right.

2:55And I think that's because deep down, the dark, unsettling truth of Alyssa's case is that it's all wrong. From start to finish, really maybe the moment she stepped into our home before I was even born, it was all wrong. and I think that's why it's so hard for me to try to package Alyssa's case in a neat little package or write something down that is very you know profound perhaps in my own mind to tell you guys about the dark truth is that everything in Alyssa's case every part of her life every system designed to protect her just failed the teacher who never reported the abuse when her dad called CPS to say that Alyssa was going to lie about him.

3:45When he called the police to ask them to arrest her for being gay. When he reported her missing and nobody showed up at her house. How there was no search for her that night and the weeks coming and the years after. How he can write in his manifesto that he knows exactly how Alyssa died and that he killed two men because of it. How he looked me in the eye and said that he'd tell me how he killed Alyssa on his deathbed. i know that alissa's case has helped so many people and i love that i love that for her legacy but it haunts me at 4 a.m i woke up randomly i opened up my phone i went to tiktok and right there was one of the only books that alissa loved somebody was reading from shell silverstein's where the sidewalk ends it's so weird because it feels like alissa is here with me it feels like She's always been here with me.

4:42My God, on so many teenage nights when I was stupid and honestly probably shouldn't have ever made it home alive, it feels like Alyssa was with me. Through every hard struggle in her case, it feels like she's with me. And I feel so lucky and so grateful to have the whole world, to have all of you guys behind me. All of that feels like a miracle if I'm being totally honest with you, which is why it's so hard to really reconcile how everything else about Alyssa's case feels so wrong. How she slipped through the cracks of every system, but somehow I didn't. I don't want to mourn her being gone for 25 years.

5:22I want to do something for her. I want to make it right. I want to do what she's done for me for my whole life. Even, I mean, I know it sounds kind of crazy, you guys, but even after she was gone, the way that I feel like she's always been there protecting me. So I guess what it is, is like, out of all the days to do something for Alyssa, what didn't feel right was coming on here and reading my letter I wrote to her. Because I already know that as I wrote it, she could hear it. Reading it out loud and putting it into a podcast just didn't feel right. Holding some sad ceremony that I know, like, so many people would be so kind and show up for, and I get it.

6:07I'm not trying to discount candlelight vigils. Just none of it felt right for Alyssa and for her fight. I guess what it is for me is it always felt, I don't know, it's so funny because in all those years that I was working to get media for Alyssa, I could see it so clearly. I could see our dad being arrested. I just knew it was going to happen. I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to happen. But once we started going to trial, I could never see him being found guilty. I could not visualize it for the life of me. There's something so unsettling about Alyssa's case that I can't fully convey in words.

6:50It's like we have most of the answers, but not enough for some type of formal justice through the courts. But I will say, I don't think that's the only form of justice. And while in a perfect world, Alyssa would be here today, and in a more just world, Alyssa would have gotten that legal justice. I think that there's another form of justice that has been brewing and has been served in many aspects. I think the moment that my dad killed Alyssa, he knew that his life was over. I think he knew that it was only a matter of time before he'd be caught. I think he lived in a deep state of paranoia until he was arrested in 2008.

7:35I think he lived in that state of paranoia while he was in prison for his bomb sentence. But I think the second that he got released and didn't get arrested for Alyssa's murder, that paranoia started to dissolve. That's why he looked me in the eye and said that he'd tell me how he killed Alyssa on his deathbed. I've always said he was taunting me and I still believe it today. I recently got the video of my dad getting arrested for Alyssa's murder. I'd never seen that before, and if I'm being honest, it took me some time to watch it. But it was like he was expecting it. He asked them, you know, do you guys want to tell me what this is about?

8:16But I knew in his voice that he knew. And I think that's what scares my dad about me today. I think that's why he falls to pieces when he has to look me in the eye. I truly think that he sees me, my mom, and Alyssa when he looks at me. And that image that he believes of himself of being some type of hero just shatters. He sees all the pain that he knows he's 100 % responsible for. And I think he knows deep down that he created kind of the perfect machine against him. All those years, you know, despite being wildly neglected, it was hammered into me, this sense of justice. You have to do the right thing.

9:01There is a clear right from wrong. You have to help people. You have to try to make this world a better place. And if something's not right, you fight like hell until it is. I know that probably sounds like really cheesy. But it's true, and I took it to heart. My best babysitter was really all those 90s sitcoms. So combined with this like justice propaganda, if you will, and these sitcoms where, yeah, you did have to do the right thing and make sure everybody's included and be kind, he created the perfect monster to be used against him. And dad, I know you're listening. and I know you're scared.

9:43It's funny. When I was scared, I would run to Alyssa. When I told her that I thought that there was a monster in my closet, she said, open up the doors and scream right in its face. So that's what I did. And that's what I do. But I think now, Dad, I'm the monster in your closet. And when you try to open up those doors and look me in the face, you're still afraid. I think it's because deep down, fundamentally, in your soul, if there's even one left, you know that I'm right. And you know that we're getting closer. I can't give too much away, but I was instructed to invite you to the search for Alyssa.

10:25And I think you knew that when I first asked. I mean, I didn't want to call you. I didn't want to make it a big thing and record it and put it on the podcast. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I wrote you some comments on your YouTube page. And you kind of brushed me off at first, and I think you thought I might go away. But I kept pushing and kept pushing, and then finally had to follow up over email after you deleted my comments. And you finally said, yes, if this is truly a search for Alyssa, I'll be there. and then all of a sudden you got sick. We both know deep down what it was. It's hard enough for you to look me in the eye, let alone be right next to me when we're searching for Alyssa.

11:13You knew that law enforcement would be there and that you'd be watched. You knew that it's one thing to make a video. It's one thing to write an email or send a fax to the police. but when you sit down and you actually have to talk about Alyssa's case, you fall to pieces every single time. And that's because you know that there are things to be found out there and that maybe we found them during that search. That maybe new witnesses are coming forward and maybe people you thought that would stay silent forever aren't anymore. And let's be honest, while the Phoenix PD did drop the ball. The second they started looking into Alyssa's case, they knew it was you.

12:01My brothers knew it was you, your sons. There's nowhere to run, and there's nowhere to hide. After 25 years, justice for Alyssa is well underway. And I hope that every single time your doorbell rings, every time you see a police officer driving behind you, you feel the same comfort and safety you afforded Alyssa while living in our home. And dad, I'm going to give you the same advice you gave me as a child when something was bothering me. And I know that upsets you because you talk about it. You talk about how I've ripped your whole family away from you, despite being the last of your kids to believe that you killed Alyssa.

12:45But I'm going to show you that same kindness, dad. Give you that same advice that you always gave me. If you didn't do anything wrong, you don't have to worry about it. And in the end, life's a bitch, then you die. I've spent this entire year crying about this date coming up, dreading this date coming up. What I'm not going to do is come on this podcast and sob. I'm not going to talk about all the times that could have been with Alyssa, all the times we should have had together, because all of that is unspoken. I know that, and I believe that she knows that. What I am going to do is channel the spirit of Alyssa and my mom and speak directly to my dad when I say, count your days.

13:34This is far from over. And I know you know that deep in your soul. Every video I see of you, you're scared, and I know it. This is a place where the sidewalk ends. Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why customers have enjoyed Progressive's Name Your Price tool for years now. With the Name Your Price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So whether you're picking out your first policy or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options. Visit Progressive.com. Find a rate that works for you with the Name Your Price tool.

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