[Bonus Ep] Is There A 'Right Way' To Do Your 20s?

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1:43What is up? I'm Grace Beverley and welcome back to Working Hard, the podcast shared guidebook on how to improve your own life and achieve what you actually dreamed of doing. Because life's too short for boring podcasts and bad advice.

1:56you are not going crazy it is a thursday but basically a few months ago i asked for your questions for our solo episodes and we got so many amazing submissions and we couldn't really fit them into our regular programming but it also really made me think how much this community or this podcast as a whole has really grown from like the idea of a podcast that is me just speaking to people and like wanting to hear things from people to actually like this whole community of people who are really interested in life improvement and generally improving their own lives and talking about interesting topics like I on my broadcast channel on Instagram for example am always just like sharing reels of things that I find interesting or articles I find interesting that I would usually send to my friends and I feel like it's you know what they say like surrounding yourself with like-minded people that's what it feels like for me and I really wanted to develop some sort of format that was an extra episode a week audio only not on any other platform just because like podcasts are something that I love so much like I love to listen to podcasts on my morning walk I feel like the type of podcast I listen to on a walk really changes my outlook for the day and gives me like a deep dive into a certain topic that I I don't know it like sets the tone it's the type of thing I then talk about with my friends and I want to introduce that into the podcast not just because that's obviously how we try and design each episode like every episode is designed to hopefully give you like a great walk and to come back feeling like enlightened on a topic but to have a little bit more of a two-way conversation about these topics that I think about a lot and that we talk about a lot so that we're not just talking to guests but we're also like talking back and forth with each other so I want to hear your opinions on it so please put the comments in the you can comment on Spotify but what I'm thinking is basically every time we'll pick a topic so something like relationships or dating career progression being in your 20s and on that topic we'll basically then have you let me know like your thoughts and feelings or a dilemma you have or a question you have and then we're just able to have like a little bit more of a talk about it so that we can have this space where we are all working towards this life improvement but also having a lot of these like more complex conversations or follow-ups from expert episodes that like I absolutely love but want to be able to talk about more.

4:13This week I wanted to talk about something that comes up time and time and time again. It's one of the most requested topics ever on this podcast even though we've covered it so many times and that is how to thrive in your 20s. I feel like it's just very much something that we all feel like we need to be doing a million things at once and it's really really hard to navigate and it's hard to navigate friendships, it's hard to navigate careers, it's hard to navigate relationships and I just wanted to have a chat about it. So I hope you enjoy it as I said DM me any suggestions questions feelings thoughts I'm just here literally at the kitchen table having a little chat so welcoming all so I hope you enjoy them

5:00so number one is someone who wrote in saying I am just finding it impossible to find balance I want to be the park running yoga girly. I want to be the party girl. I want to be the career woman. I want to find a boyfriend but I want to have my single years too. How do I decide where to spend my time and energy? And I think this is a universal experience. I feel like it's, I don't know, I've seen so many of those TikToks that are just like me trying to work out whether I want to be the career person or whether I want to be the best friend and like having my out out time of my life in my 20s and all of this and I think realistically probably what's happened is this idea of balance has actually become like the most unrealistic of all I always always always say that you can have anything but you cannot have everything and you can have what was the last one you can have it all but you cannot have it all at once yeah and I think that that is like prevailing for me pretty much the answer to everything I think that at any one time you are always going to have your priorities and I think the only problem isn't about your priorities and what they are but is whether your priorities are aligned with what you think your priorities are because if you say I want to do 10 things and I want them all to be my priority you're basically setting yourself up for failure because you're saying I'm going to prioritize my career above everything this year but I'm also going to prioritize my relationship and my friends and I'm going to I don't know become a marathon runner and like all of this and I just think that for the large majority of people that is too much to concentrate on and that is exactly what is going to lead to you burning out I would really really recommend just like checking in with yourself over and over and over and working out what your priorities are and why those are your priorities and then also making sure that those line up exactly with your goals because if your goals don't line up with your priorities and what is genuinely coming up in your schedule as your priorities then you are just setting yourself up for failure because you're basically being like I want to get to this place and then in reality you are not doing the things to get to that place so you are constantly having this disconnect between where you want to get to and where you currently are and it is incredibly hard to reconcile with that all the time over and over.

7:15I also think realistically that one of the biggest issues with this is that with social media you are seeing the sum total of everyone else's lives and their priorities you are not seeing the sum total of the things they are compromising and so it is really really easy to look at like five different people and be like well this one's got this one this one's got this thing this one's got this thing and it's like okay well how many of those people have every single one of the things you want like the amount of those things together is probably too many things to essentially be focusing on at once and I think that's why getting clear on your priorities is so so so important but that's also why we really need to get good at taking social media not just with a pinch of salt because I think it's really easy to be like oh it's a highlight reel but also genuinely being like that person they're clearly their biggest priority is their career right now like I do not know whether that person's personal life is an absolute shit show or whether they have any friends or whether they're doing amazingly in the gym and in the best shape of their life and also like I don't know they've not seen any friends and ages or they find it you know they're finding it really hard to socialize or whatever it might be we really do need to concentrate on ourselves and what we can prioritize and what we want to prioritize and I think that has to come above everything and I think this expectation that in your 20s you have to have everything and do everything is so unrealistic and also wrong.

8:40I thought this was so good it's by Jamie Varon and it just says I've always held a vision of myself in my 40s and 50s who I would be and what I would do. It seems like as a woman we are almost required to cease wanting or dreaming by the time we hit our 30s so I'm always thinking about the life I'm building for my 42 year old self, my 55 year old self. Who is she? What does she wear? Where does she live? What does she do? I have answers and dreams for all of those questions and it makes aging feel like the unfolding of a precious gift instead of something I have to avoid and dread. My 53 year old self is my favourite person.

9:13I anticipate her arrival with joy and I think I don't know like I really really liked that and I think it's so true and I think with all of the like Forbes 30 under 30 stuff and like constantly like as women we are valued for our youth which is so loaded and we can talk about forever but when you compile on top of that the fact that you're also rushing because you want to get xyz done before your biological clock runs out or like whatever it might be that really compounds in so many different ways so I think essentially what I'm saying is number one, prioritize and know what your priorities are and act in line with your priorities and making sure those are like scheduled in because if you say something's a priority and you're not prioritizing it, it's not a priority.

9:52But also on the other side of that, it's like we have to let go of this expectation that we have to be absolutely everything. Like you do not need to be aiming for the peak of your career in your 20s. You also do not need to be going out all the time like you don't need to have fucking 25 close friends like you don't need to have a boyfriend all of these different things are so understandable where you would want them but realizing that you cannot have all of them at once and like what is it that you truly want now and then zooming out and looking at things more like okay what do I want for my 35 year old self what do I want for my 45 year old self what do I want for my 55 year old self and knowing probably that the thing that ties all of those things together is not being like completely burnt out because I don't think that's going to help anyone.

10:42The second one that came in is actually how do you find people in your 20s? I feel like I'm disconnected from my uni mates. They just don't value the same thing as me. Everyone is on different paths and living very different lives and it feels super isolating and I feel like this is so true. I also feel like I don't know why I do demonize social media all the time. I think social media is amazing but I also think it has its real restrictions and downfalls as well. But I think there's this like expectation that we all have this amazing group of friends from like when we were at school and those people will be with us forever and like we're always super close to them and we our career paths line up and all of this and like it's just not true.

11:21All my closest friends have been from different walks of life and every original group that they came from hasn't like stuck around like it hasn't been that I don't know I met these people at 13 and have kept them all around there's been lots and lots and lots of friendships that like haven't made it through the wayside and there's also been lots of things like groups of friends and friends in particular that just our friendship was for a season rather than for ever and I feel like that is a good thing rather than a bad thing like it can be really really difficult and I think like some of the friend breakups I've had have been some of the hardest things I have ever had in comparison to even like regular breakups like relationship breakups I feel like friend breakups are so so hard but at the same time it's kind of the same as with relationships being around people who are like draining energy from you or you don't feel like other people you want to be around is taking away space for the right things to be in your life and I feel like you know change can be really lonely and if you look at that change and you think this is the change I still want to make then you will adjust like it will adjust over time and you will attract more of the right people especially if you put yourself in the right places like I really love the idea of like run clubs and other community events there are so many like walking events I'd actually love to do more with like Tala and Shreddy with those types of things because I feel like it's such a good way to meet people who are clearly into quite similar things as you like I'm not even someone who runs a lot and I feel like I would go to a run club to make friends because it's like especially if I like move to a new city or something because that's the type of person that I feel like I would really identify with as a friend so I would try not to like overthink the fact that you don't have close uni mates based on like that shouldn't be an issue just based off the fact that you think you do need close uni mates I completely appreciate that that is like disconcerting and not as much of an enjoyable experience because it's isolating and it's lonely so I would say as much as possible if you can put yourself in positions where you feel like you are going to attract more of the right friends or the type of people you want to be spending time with it's the same with dating the more you put yourself in the environments you want to be in the more likely you are to attract the types of people that you want to attract or that you want to spend time with because they're likely to have similar hobbies or to do similar things you can put yourself in that position whilst also not pulling the rug out from under yourself and just being like oh I'm gonna cut off all these friends overnight I think every single friend breakup I've gone through that's been like initiated by me I've taken a long time to consider that and really like considered the fact that not every friend needs to be everything to you some friends could be more going out friends and fun friends some friends can be you know your true like the people you like share your soul with like it not everyone needs to be for everything but I also really agree that there are very energy draining people for you when you've moved out of a certain phase of your life that you also do need to make space for other people so I feel like as much as possible if you can try and attract more of the other types of friends and meet those types of people as much as possible whilst also not cutting off other people too soon if you feel like they could have another purpose than being like your absolute everything but if anyone is draining you and every time you see them you're just like oh this just isn't right then like life's too short to have those types of people in your life some of these things just don't they don't need to be forever and the sooner you can do that the sooner you can attract incredible people later on and then you can meet more great people and do great things with people and like I also think what's terrifying about friendships and new friendships when you are older rather than like being a teenager meeting people at school and also rather than dating is like what do you do like do I do I ask you to dinner like is that like a date I feel like that is the difference and that's what makes it weird so I feel like finding things that is a specific thing to do makes it a lot easier to ask someone to do something if you feel like you'd really get on with someone or you've met someone somewhere and you feel like that you guys would be a great friend fair why not ask to go to like an exercise class with them or I would always ask for something that's not like coffee or a lunch because then it's like is this a date like I feel like it can be a lot more chilled like I'm going to pottery painting this weekend do you want to come or I was thinking of going and testing out the hamster ponds would you like to come or any of these different things that are like an actual activity so it doesn't feel like awkward even if you know you get on with this person because it does just feel weirder whereas dating you could literally download an app and be like oh I'm going to go to this to dinner with this person tonight whereas for some reason that just feels weirder with friends so maybe we need to think up a list of activities that it is normal to ask someone on a friend date for that won't feel too awkward and they won't be like oh is this person asking for a date or do they want to be friends with me actually you can leave comments in the audio for this so if anyone has ideas of that I'm very much welcoming them because I feel like every time I want to make friends with someone I genuinely don't know what to suggest like I usually suggest like going on a dog walk or going to a class or something like that which I feel like are 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18:23Right, next one is, I have been studying law for five years now, first at uni and now afterwards, but I've started a freelance social media business to support my studies and I'm loving it. I'm making a good amount of money, not law money though. I'm considering packing in law and taking on socials full time. What shall I do? There's so many different parts of this. I do think that there is this tendency to think that anything that could make you money should be your next job. And I think so many different things come into that. Like, do you really enjoy this? Is the progression appropriate for the type of life you want to build?

18:57Is the lifestyle a fit to what you want to build. I think a lot of the time the grass can be greener with careers and I think that especially happens when it's going from nine to five type careers to freelance and I'm not saying that is not the case at all. I think you know I know lots of people who live absolutely incredible freelance lives and I know lots of people who absolutely hate being freelance and have gone back to nine to five traditional jobs so I think it's really really up to you and one thing I would say is like why not try I think that like if you think and if there's a pressing feeling and if you're constantly thinking about the fact that like I should just try this then genuinely why not try it you genuinely you can go back to most things I think it depends where you are at in your studying journey like if you're a year away from qualifying then maybe you want to just get over that qualifying hurdle I guess so that you could go back to it easier without having to find another training contract because I know that that's quite complex around law but that being said like if you're not loving what you're doing and you feel like there's another path to it you've done essentially what I would always always recommend which is try and do something alongside before you take the full leap because everyone recommends like oh you should take a leap of faith and it's like okay cool most people need a safety blanket and one of the biggest things I'm like most grateful for in my whole journey is the fact that I started my businesses at university so I didn't have to take a leap until like three years in when they were established enough for me to just be like okay I can do this full time and so it didn't really constitute a leap at all like there wasn't a lot of bravery that was in that decision but I feel like until it's a like nagging feeling at you all the time maybe don't take the leap but I would get as visceral as possible around I don't even know if that I'm using that word correctly but around the idea of like what it actually would look like like what your life would look like and whether you think that's right for you and not just your your life now like I know you're saying that you're earning money but you're not earning as much as you're earning now that doesn't need to matter if the amount you're earning is you know something you'd be super happy with especially with increased freedom or whatever it might be one thing you do not want to do is kid yourself on what this lifestyle is going to look like you don't want it to feel like oh this is going to be amazing and I'm going to be able to wake up at any time and all of this whereas like when you're freelance usually you feel like you're one contract away from complete success and one contract away from having no money at all so it is a stressful life in other ways and I think that you just need to get really really clear on exactly what it would look like to you like spend some time looking thinking about what your week would look like who your clients would be how you even get those clients do you think that in five years you will be have progressed enough to be happy with your career like do you genuinely because it might be great now and the freedom might be a part like a trade-off that you're happy to make but if the ladder on it isn't clear enough to where you actually want to get to then maybe it's also not the right thing and maybe it should just be an amazing side hustle for a few years so I feel like it totally depends like how much you love it how much you don't love your job now whether you feel like the progression fits the type of life you want to lead because there is an amazing thing in earning what you know extra money or what you feel is good money versus like the work you're doing but that trade-off could be that you then coast for the next 10 years and you don't progress in the same way but it's really like up to you to decide based on that you just don't want to kid yourself on it.

22:26Dilemma number four is I've got an offer to start a grad scheme at one of the big four consulting firms but I've always dreamed of starting my own business I'm not sure what it would be and I'm struggling to nail down an idea it should I just take the job yes absolutely yes unless you want to that's not a job you want to I'm not saying you should take that job I'm saying you I don't know it's really hard to say because I think that I would personally and this is from someone who started my first business in my first year in university and you know I'd had a I'd had a corporate job but I didn't get proper training I guess anywhere other than that like one year of corporate work I think you learn so so so much being in other organizations and you've heard me say it on this podcast before and you'll hear me say it again and again and again the best piece of advice we've ever gotten about careers is in your 20s you should be learning what you're good at and what you enjoy on other people's money and that other people's money being your employer's money and the second you are out on your own and it is your own business you are paying for everything you are paying for every mistake you cannot afford to make most mistakes and everything is to the wire and it is an extremely high stress lifestyle and it is also amazingly rewarding but you do not need to jump into immediate super high stress just because you feel like you want to do that at some point why not take the job or a job if you don't feel like this is right it sounds like a great job and congratulations like why not take that job and then set yourself the task that over the next year you're going to work out what the idea is you're going to do some outreach to manufacturers or build the business in some way that's maybe not customer facing but is going to be like building the bones of what this would actually look like so you have a clear idea because then you can start making decisions based on actual knowledge rather than like hope or thoughts that this might be a good idea over time whereas you don't really know like until you know what type of business you're going to run you don't even know what your lifestyle is going to be like you don't know what the investment in it's going to be you don't know whether you're going to have to get investment or whether you could do it self-funded or like whatever it might be and so like it's a great thing to know that you want to start a business but that does not mean that you need to do it immediately and I cannot recommend enough like genuinely if I were to do it all again I would do a grad scheme or do something after university for a few years that would get me close to entrepreneurship or even just seeing better how things work in organizations like I'd only worked at IBM which is how many people does IBM employ 282 ,000 employees so it's obviously going to be a very different type of business to the business I'm running and I feel like I could have learned so much more by being at a more I don't know working at a startup or working in private equity or working in anywhere that showed me more about like how businesses run how teams run how managers manage like I had to learn so much of being a good manager or just being a manager full stop I had to learn through doing it and making mistakes and really not enjoying part of it and all of that and I feel like there's so much opportunity to learn without you know without needing to do it all yourself like you can take the easier road for a bit and that easier road will in turn help you.

25:55So I would say personally definitely take the job and don't listen to everyone just being like take the leap and if every day you're not doing entrepreneurship you are wasting your own time. It's like it's not true. You are going to learn so much and you might also learn that it's not what you want to do or like this idea of entrepreneurship isn't something that you value or the lifestyle isn't something you value. It might also be the absolute best thing you ever do but until you know for sure as you know not until you know for sure because I think you need to try it to know for sure but until you know more about what your idea is and what that even looks like for you as a lifestyle and as a job and as a career I would definitely take the job you've been offered learn from that might not be right you might have another job before you even start a business or you might start a business within the first two weeks but learning and giving yourself the opportunity of a safety blanket is so incredibly important and I think will end up with your business lasting longer because you don't have to make decisions based on the fact that everything is absolutely critical at all times.

26:57So those are all the questions that I have for today and I thought that in every one of these episodes I could pick out a like quote to live by. I actually have this folder called I think it's like words to live by and I have it on my phone and also like on TikTok and Instagram and I save things to it again and again and again and it's just like things that I'm like you know when you watch something and you're like yeah god that really is true or like that really has changed the way I think about things and so I'm going to do that for basically where a guest has really nailed this topic and this one is a quote from Roxy Nafusi on how she found her path which I feel like is really relevant to this and a lot of the things we've been talking about and I honestly think about it all the time.

27:41It's really about showing up as your future self. It's about, you know, doing the things you need to do to reach your goals and not sitting back and waiting. So for me, this is a very like energizing step. And it really reminds me to be constantly doing things that make me uncomfortable. It's about thinking about how can I step into the character of my future self and make things happen. I hope you enjoyed this bonus kind of yap. let me know what else you'd like me to talk about or how I can improve them or how you'd like to submit things because we're only starting out in this new format and I like the idea of doing something audio only but I also want it to be super useful and I want you to enjoy it so this is ready to be designed by you just let me know what you are interested in and I will get it going because I'm just sitting here in my kitchen table recording this and I feel like that's quite fun and we can have a little chat every single week so I hope you enjoy and have a wonderful day

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