Ep. 121 How To Build True Discipline & Stay Consistent (& Why Motivation Is A Myth!)

0:28Hey, it's Adam Grant from WorkLife, a podcast from TED. software, you'll work smarter, not harder. Freshworks uncomplicates. Learn more at Freshworks.com.

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1:37What is up and welcome to Working Hard Hardly Working. So if you're new here, I started this podcast with the idea of exploring stories and lessons from people across all different walks of life. So experts in all different areas, people who are really successful in all different areas. The concept of these solo episodes basically is that they are a shortcut to theories that could genuinely help to level up your life and you can get them all in one walk or one commute or while you're doing your dishes and today we are diving into a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately and is something that I think a lot about generally and always have whether that has been throughout kind of school, throughout trying to get fit, throughout you know wanting to reach certain goals and that is discipline.

2:19It is very much a word that's associated with hassle culture and podcast bros, you know, telling you to like be more disciplined and keep pushing yourself to achieve everything you want in life. And it's also an incredibly male dominated conversation. I would say, in fact, if you Google books on discipline, you will struggle to find a book by a woman or I would say marketed to women even in the suggested list. And let me tell you, this obviously isn't because women aren't disciplined in fact studies from the american psychological association have shown that girls consistently outperform boys right from elementary school when it comes to discipline with studying we are disciplined but i think the crux of it is that we don't always label it as such so what i mean by that is that it's not that women aren't disciplined i obviously categorically disagree with that i believe that i personally am very disciplined but i think it's right to say that i probably wouldn't go around being like i'm so disciplined, I'm so disciplined.

3:18In fact, discipline is actually about a number of different things. It's about things like habits. And it feels like, at least from what I consume online, that women are more likely to label their discipline as like, I don't know, I follow these habits or I have a planner or rather than it just being like, I just get shit done, you know, and just like discipline above all. It's about the small steps that we actually take to get to the point that we want to get to. Anyway, that's not really the point, but I do think it's very interesting because when we look at and talk about how important something like discipline is, we look at the psychology of it and how it's been built in our own perception and like what our own perception is of discipline.

4:02And it's very hard to unlearn a lot of the things that we are taught in terms of like why you do things and how you do things and how you get to a level of self improvement and life improvement as a whole. But let's get into it. I really hope you enjoy the solo episode and if you do, please like and subscribe. Only 10 % of our solo episode viewers subscribe to our channel. I don't know if you just think it's shit, but it's the best thing that you can do to help our small team so that we can make more. And I will say that our grand total of three solo episodes that we've ever done in this format, I used to do an old format of them, this is a new format, the kind of like deep dive, bite-sized chunk into like one topic, have been like our most popular episodes ever.

4:41So I know you like it, you know? You just gotta like and subscribe. Thank you very much. But as always, we are going to start with the context. Discipline can very much sometimes sound like a heavy, serious word. But when you break it down, it's basically another way of just saying consistent action towards a goal. I think it's very easy to look at people who seem super disciplined and think that, you know, they must have it all figured out. They must never miss doing that one thing or they must never doubt, you know, whether they're going to get that done today. But I think what we're really seeing in those situations isn't someone who's suddenly been blessed with the magical gift of constant discipline.

5:17In fact, it really is the result of consistent small efforts that very much stack up over time. So whether that's sticking to a fitness routine or staying focused at work or building a new skill, discipline is the key that unlocks long-term success. It is the ability to show up and do the work even when motivation has left the building because let me be very fucking clear motivation is a fleeting feeling it is an emotion you experience and it can very much drive you to take an action but the reason you can't rely on it is because it depends on external factors like reward recognition or inspiration whereas discipline is what keeps you taking that action and it's driven by processes rather than emotion so here's the big misconception discipline isn't about perfection.

6:02It's about progress. And I think that's where many of us get stuck and when many of us end up shooting ourselves in the foot rather than just plodding towards the destination we want to get to. So we think that discipline means pushing ourselves to the extremes. And I think that actually a lot of that does come from the fact that the only way we consume discipline as a concept is really this kind of like very macho podcast bro, sleep when you're dead vibe. that we get pushed and actually the truth is that discipline just like habits is built in the small everyday choices that we make. So if you've watched my first episode it was on habits and how habits can change your entire life and how you've probably heard of the book Atomic Habits and you may have said you've read it, you may have actually read it, you may have read one chapter but it's a really fucking interesting book and it can really help you change a lot in your life when you really understand what a habit is.

6:58You know, I was really thinking about the interaction between discipline and habits. And I think they kind of interact with each other in a bit of a cycle. So you create habits as something that you do every day, for example, to get closer towards a goal. It is the discipline that makes you stick to the habits. And at the same time, repeating those habits, those small things over and over and over is just a form of discipline in general. So I do think of them as kind of, they very much go hand in hand. Like, I don't think you can have habits without discipline and I don't think you can have discipline without habits.

7:33I think that really the key is you ace habits and that makes it easier because it means you need less discipline to actually carry things out in order to get to where you want to get to. It's a little bit complex. If you haven't listened to that solo episode, people will fucking love that one. So that's great. I would go and listen to that because I feel like, I don't know, it made me think a lot about how to get to where I want to get to in life and how every single day needs to reflect where I want to get to. Otherwise, there's basically no way I'm going to get there. But if you know me, you know that I do not do anything without receipts.

8:07So let's get into the data. Studies have shown that disciplined individuals tend to have higher levels of life satisfaction and success in both personal and professional areas. So in a study published in the Journal of Personality, researchers found that self-control, often linked to discipline, was more predictive of success than IQ in a group of adolescents over several years. What that basically means is that it's not necessarily raw talent or intelligence that leads to success, but instead how we consistently apply ourselves over time. Because discipline very much has a snowball effect, much like how habits compound over time, being disciplined in one area of your life often spreads into others.

8:47So when you develop the ability to stick with something hard like regular exercise or focused work sessions, you're not just building your body or growing your business, you are rewiring your brain to become more resilient in everything else that you do. In fact, research from 2013 shows that disciplined people tend to experience fewer stressful situations because they're better prepared to tackle challenges head on. That preparation comes from creating systems, routines and structures that support their long-term goals. And I think that really is reflective in wider things too. I mean, I talk a lot on the podcast, especially guest episodes, of how proving to yourself that you are a good person or you're a disciplined person or you're a hard worker is half of the battle.

9:28Like, you need to compound feelings of yourself that are positive. So, we've heard quite a few people come on the podcast that have basically said, like, their businesses and their work and their career was pretty shit until they became a better person, like they became a more disciplined person, they became someone who stuck to what they said they were going to do and that like really compounded in other areas of life and I do think that's because when you develop like a culture of discipline within yourself you know that basically you're proving to yourself again and again not just that you can do hard things but also that you can keep promises to yourself.

10:01I genuinely think there is nothing more harmful to self-worth than promising yourself you will do things and not getting them done. like whether that happens on a small level or whether that happens again and again and again that is so damaging to your self-worth because if you think about it like if someone else did that to you you'd think they were pretty shit friends like if they said like i'm gonna come to dinner with you tonight and then didn't go to dinner with you you'd think they were a shit friend and so it makes complete sense that when you say to yourself over and over and over again i'm going to get x done or i'm gonna go to the gym or i'm gonna do that job application or i'm actually gonna start that business and every single time you don't show up for yourself that is really going to compound negatively for your self-worth because what you're essentially telling yourself is you do not respect yourself enough to actually show up and do the thing that you were meant to do and there's obviously a balance here like you will probably know if you veer more to the side of like too disciplined and too hard on yourself or a little bit to the other direction and it's important to know that so that you can make sure you don't just lean too much in one direction and completely burn yourself out but at the same time if you are the type of person you know you lack discipline, you know you are a little bit too forgiving with yourself when it comes to like saying that you're going to do things and not actually doing things.

11:14So I do really think that building habits that mean that you don't need to use truckloads of discipline all the time to actually get closer towards your goals, not just gets you closer towards those goals, but it also, you prove to yourself over and over that you are a trustworthy person and that you make promises to yourself and you actually keep them. And that goes a long way for not just like actual success and actually progressing towards X, Y, Z goal, whatever it might be, but actually self-worth. Like I really, really, really think that there is a huge link between discipline and self-worth.

11:48And once you start to hack that and once you start to keep promises to yourself, your life genuinely compounds in the right direction. The market's uncertain. Revenue's tied and hiring on hold. That's why results-driven companies are using Upwork to keep work moving. Go to Upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead. No rigid long-term contracts. Just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. What's up?

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13:53So how does discipline actually work? We're going to get into the theories because this is what I find very interesting. If we dig into the psychology, there is a lot to learn about the mechanics of self-control and persistence. So I'm going to pick out what I found most valuable, but quick disclaimer, I'm not a psychologist. I have a music degree, so we're learning together here. But one theory that really resonates with me and always has is the concept of delayed gratification, which was popularised by the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment conducted by Walter Mischel way back in the 1960s, tested children's ability to delay gratification by offering them one marshmallow immediately or two if they waited 15 minutes.

14:31The idea is simple. Can you resist a small immediate reward to wait for a larger one? They found that those who could delay gratification often ended up more successful and satisfied with life in the long run. But it's obviously not just about saying no to temptations. Discipline is about creating systems that make it easier to follow through. This brings us to our second theory, which is the idea of decision fatigue. Every decision we make throughout the day wears down our willpower, making it harder to stay disciplined. Imagine you have a daily stock of decisions, for example, and every decision you make, whether that's what outfit you're wearing or what lipstick to wear, uses up a bit of that supply.

15:07It's why overthinking can be so bad for us. And spoiler alert, we did a whole episode on overthinking and how to use it to your advantage recently. But this is because it expends so much of our energy on unnecessary analysis, depleting our important supply to use for actual things we care about. This means that when you get to late in the day and you've had a long day at work, deciding what to cook for dinner, for example, seems much harder than it should be. It's also literally why disciplined people create routines. They reduce the number of decisions that they actually need to make. Steve Jobs, for example, famously wore the same outfit every day to eliminate unnecessary choices and preserve his focus for important decisions.

15:42And now I'm not saying that we all need to start wearing black turtlenecks, but even laying out your clothes for the morning the night before can free up your morning mind. I personally am one of the most decisive people in the world, but boy, do I get decision fatigue. And I get decision fatigue first thing in the morning and late at night or after a big meeting, like anything that's like really zapped my brain and really like taken a lot of my brain power. I feel like one of the best things I've done is really learn these patterns and basically put things in place that mean that I do not need to make big decisions at that point or they're already made for me.

16:14So to give an example of that, I generally plan my day where possible to have the hardest things first. Like without a doubt, for example, I knew I needed to do something this morning, least favourite thing to do right at the beginning of my day because if you get me after a few meetings that piece of work is going to be shit and that piece of work is really important another thing is that like without fail every single time I work out I have laid out my clothes the night before and it makes such a big difference to actually in the morning like my brain's not even warmed up yet and I'm actually trying to decide what to wear it's not even an important decision it doesn't matter what I wear but I will literally just stand there for 10 minutes going which isn't very helpful in terms my morning routine.

16:55Another great way of combating this is meal prepping. I find that prepping meals or having decided at the beginning of the week what you were going to eat when you were in a non-decision fatigued environment or headspace makes such a big difference. Same with things like planning and workouts. My workouts are completely planned in from the beginning of the week. Like I literally go into Shreddy, which is the app I use for workouts, which is also my app. I will look at my workouts for the week and I will physically schedule them into my Google calendar. and so I'm never waking up being like I could snooze my alarm given I don't even know what workout I'm doing rather than being like I know I am doing this exact workout and it's not that fucking hard.

17:30And the final key theory that I'm going to introduce to you here is cognitive dissonance. So this is a psychological phenomenon first coined by Lian Festinger in the 1950s. Cognitive dissonance occurs when there's a conflict between your beliefs, goals or values and actual actions. So this conflict creates a feeling of mental discomfort or tension. our brains generally don't like this discomfort so we're naturally driven to resolve it in one of two ways. So you change it by either changing your actions to align with your beliefs or the easier route adjusting your beliefs to justify your actions.

18:02So for example if you set a goal to exercise three times a week but repeatedly skip workouts you'll likely experience cognitive dissonance. On the one hand you value fitness and self-improvement but on the other hand your actions don't reflect that. So over time, you'll either need to start working out regularly to align your actions with your goals, or you'll adjust your mindset and lower the importance of fitness in your life. I will say that not necessarily from scientific backing, but from entire personal experience, I think that when you have the cognitive dissonance and you change the belief to align with the actions rather than the other way around, that is generally where you stop trusting yourself to make the right decisions and start generally feeling a little bit shit about yourself.

18:42There's probably been no time that you felt better than when you said you were going to do something and actually did it for a prolonged period of time. Like, that has a huge effect on, as we've already talked about, like, self-worth and everything, but generally just, like, your mood, like, how you generally feel. On the other hand, if you consistently say you're going to do something and you do not do it, that is the first way of making yourself feel shit. And when you have to actively change your beliefs of what you value in order to get rid of that cognitive dissonance, it's never a good feeling for anyone.

19:10What I will say is that I think reprioritizing is important. I think that sometimes some of us, especially if you veer on the side of like working too much or being a little bit too hard on yourself, a lot of us can veer on the side of setting too many goals at once. And I strongly believe in the fact that you can have it all, but you cannot have it all at once. And what this basically means is that you feel like you have five number one priorities, but you can't have five number one priorities. You can only have one number one priority and you can only fit a certain amount of things into your daily life.

19:39So sometimes I do think that in order to get rid of the cognitive dissonance, you have to change your belief not in terms of being like, oh well that wasn't important to me anyway, but change your belief in terms of being like, okay, well I can only have three of these things and this one's more important. It might be that you're trying to date at the same time as getting into fitness, at the same time as trying to get a promotion and like be really a really good friend and actually in an ideal world you'd be able to do all of those things but likelihood is there's going to need to be higher priorities and maybe it's not the season for dating or maybe it's not the season for getting really fit and I think reprioritization as part of discipline is important because discipline only works when you're actually sticking to it there's this whole essay actually I think it's like a whole essay that's called things that aren't doing the thing and it has a list of all of these things that are not doing the thing, including planning doing the thing, including working towards doing the thing, including like putting the thing in your diary, all of this.

20:38And I think that it's just a good example of if you're not doing it, you're not doing it. If you've listened to one of my goal setting episodes, you'll know that we all get the same dopamine kick from putting goals in than we do from actually reaching them. And sometimes that doesn't help us because we then spend a lot of time feeling happy about certain goals and we haven't actually done anything to reached them. We were just excited planning them and then we didn't have the discipline to stick to them. But this is all why discipline is so important. It helps you reduce that cognitive tension by basically staying consistent with your long-term goals.

21:12So when you regularly act in a way that aligns with your values and aspirations, you're not only making progress but also reinforcing those beliefs, which strengthens your overall sense of purpose and satisfaction. In contrast, a lack of discipline can lead to frustration and self-doubt as your actions will obviously constantly clash with what you know you should be doing. So let's now talk about how you can actually build more discipline into your life. And we're going to break it down into a few practical steps because you know that's what I like to do. So first of all, start small. Just like habit building, discipline is about creating small manageable changes.

21:45So if your goal is to wake up earlier, start by setting your alarm just 15 minutes earlier. Once that's a habit, adjust it again. One of the biggest ways you can fail, even with amazing discipline, is by biting off more than you can chew because if you think about it if you suddenly make your alarm an hour and a half earlier the chances you're going to stick to that versus just moving it a little bit earlier every single day are a lot lower you're either going to do that or you are going to stick to it and you're going to burn yourself out and step two is to create systems not just goals goals are obviously very important but they are nothing without systems if your goal is to get fit your system might include scheduling workouts in advance laying out your gym clothes the night before and meal prepping on Sundays.

22:23These systems reduce the friction in actually following through. It means that you need less discipline because you're just focusing on showing up rather than on making all of those decisions every single day that leads up to you actually completing that thing that you said you were going to do. Step three is I'd say you really need to focus on consistency, not perfection. You're not always going to feel motivated and that is okay. That is very normal. What matters is showing up even on the days where you're not at your best. So discipline can harbour huge amounts of shame. And while it's about keeping promises to yourself, that includes giving yourself grace when things aren't perfect.

22:57Because what you're going to do if you don't do that is you are going to get into a failure spiral. For example, at the moment, I am very much trying to stick to three workouts a week and three like good solid workouts a week. And that's not a lot, but I find myself very, very busy at the moment. So I haven't been finding that too easy to stick to. And I think in my mind, I've been like, that's so little. So I've always been like need to do four or five, need to do four or five. And that is a good example of biting off more than I can chew. But this week, for example, on Tuesday night, I unexpectedly got back really, really late.

23:26And so Wednesday was meant to be my workout day. And I just I was like, I'm not going to get anywhere near enough sleep. I really need some sleep dealing with some stress at the moment. So it's just like, I'm not going to work out tomorrow. And what I could have done is not worked out and then like really beat myself up about it. And then you get it into your head that rather than proving to yourself that you're a good person, you stick to things, you prove to yourself that you're not with just one slip up or not even slip up, sometimes just a reprioritization. And what you then do is you convince yourself of that and you start acting as if you are that.

23:58Instead, it was just, oh shit, okay, well, I'm prioritizing sleep actually today because I feel like I need to get a good amount of that. Otherwise, you know, I'm not going to be great on this big day. And I just said, I'm going to work out tomorrow morning instead. And I worked out this morning and I felt great about it and I felt like, you know, even though the original plan was to do Wednesday and I slipped up on that and I did Thursday, that's not a big deal at all and I've just proved to myself that I'll stick to things and I've proved to myself that things can come up and I can still make my routine work and I sometimes feel like that's more important because you can't just be super, super rigid and sometimes it's not going to work out.

24:34At the same time, if I had one week where I just didn't get any in at all, I could basically give myself a really hard time all weekend and tell myself how terrible I was and just completely fall off or I could just basically ignore it and use discipline to stick to it next time. I think it takes a lot of discipline to actually keep sticking to things when you haven't necessarily been the best at them as well but do not fall into that trap of just like falling off because it is the path of least resistance. Now number four is managing your environment. You've got to set yourself up for success by creating an environment that makes it easy to be disciplined.

25:09So if you're trying to cut back on social media, delete apps, use website blockers. If you're trying to eat healthier, stock your fridge with the foods that you want to be eating. Think back to the decision fatigue. It doesn't make sense for you to be making your life harder for yourself all the time. And then step five is using accountability. I really, really recommend this, but having someone or something to hold you accountable makes discipline so much easier. So sharing your goals with a friend, hiring a coach or using a habit tracking app to stay on course, there's so many different options.

25:41But when you're not just promising things to yourself and you're also promising things to other people, that's a great way of staying on track. What I would also say about this is having talked about self-worth in this guise, if you do not have super high self-worth or you think of yourself as someone who doesn't stick to things, sometimes it's not enough just to promise yourself to do something. Like sometimes you've got to recognise that actually, do you know what, I'm maybe not someone that that is enough for. I don't have that level of self-worth or I don't seem to stick to that. And sometimes telling someone else you're going to do something or promising someone else you're going to do something or telling them you're going to stay accountable to them and report back to them every week is a good way of starting to do that, not just for yourself, you're doing it for someone else, but in turn you're basically building up your own self-confidence and self-worth and proof that you are a disciplined person, even if it wasn't for yourself in the first place.

26:33Genuinely, those five steps, they sound pretty simple. I think a lot of people miss a few of them out and that is where the continuous like falling off comes from again and again. And I think that the best thing you can do if you find yourself not necessarily being a really disciplined person, you want to be a disciplined person, is to write those five steps down and work out what that means for you. Like work out what reducing decision fatigue looks like for you, work out what a good environment for being disciplined looks like for you write them down I want like a list of how you can do that better and I promise you it will unlock some things that you haven't even necessarily thought about before I hope today's episode gave you a new way of thinking about discipline it's not some magic skill that few people have and others don't it's definitely something that you can build and strengthen over time and if you want to read more on this topic I've included a few recommendations in the notes and thank you so much for listening I will see you in the next episode of Working Hard Hardly Working.

27:54like spend tracking and multi-user accounts. Staying organized is simple. Save time, money, and hassle at business.walmart.com. It's free to sign up. It's almost fall, and that means Nordstrom has the best fall fashion under$200. Not only do they have the best trends like trench coats, suede jackets, but they also have the best brands like Urban Outfitters, Madewell, Sporty & Rich, and obviously don't forget beauty. They have Anastasia Beverly Hills, Beauty Blender, Kosas and Nordstrom makes it so easy to get what you need and add it quickly into your daily routine. They have fast delivery and risk-free shopping.

28:32You can buy online, pick up today or pick up tomorrow for a wider selection or you can pick curbside at Nordstrom stores and Nordstrom Rack. Both options are quick and convenient. Nordstrom also has two-day shipping and next day options so you can get all of your items even faster and if you need a little extra help, Nordstrom has stylists for free and their experts will create looks and match your style with your budget. Shop now in stores at Nordstrom.com or download the Nordstrom app. Is it time to reimagine your future? The right business skills may make a difference in your career. At Capella University, we offer a relevant education that's designed to focus on what you need to know in the business world.

29:17We'll teach professional skills to help you pursue your goals like business management, strategic planning, and effective communication. And you can apply these skills right away. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.edu.