Ep.60 "I was pushed to the side": Tasha Ghouri on her mission for a more accessible world

0:00Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? But with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers, a network of 130 million of them, in fact. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company, seniority, skills, and did I say job title? See how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. Spend$250 on your first campaign and get a free$250 credit for the next one. Get started at linkedin.com slash campaign. Terms and conditions apply. There's the part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian.

0:34Apparently, I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny. OCD. I've lived with OCD my entire life, and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety. General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse. That's why I want to tell you about NoCD. NoCD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans.

1:13Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to NOCD.com to book a free 15-minute call. They are here to help. Hi, friends. Grace from the Working Hard Podcast. to you when you're stretching every dollar a little goes a long way and warm-up business is here to help they make it easy to order what you need from tech and cleaning supplies to everyday essentials all at low prices and with helpful tools like spend tracking and tax exempt purchasing for eligible organizations because when your operations are smooth your impact can be bigger visit business.warmart.com to get started for my mom and dad they did say to me you are going to get 12s but i thought you know what there's no representation on tv and i wanted to change that i get concentration fatigue that a lot of deaf people struggle with in lip reading all the time your brain overwork, I'll get headaches, migraines, I was just so exhausted.

2:06Every day I'd be napping on the balcony for about two hours while the girls were getting ready. When you were a baby, your parents found out that you were deaf because I wasn't responding to like screety toys. They took me to the hospital when they said okay she's deaf in both ears. I couldn't speak until I was five. I didn't have that support in terms of I was kind of pushed to the side. In a classroom they put me at the back of the class, teachers would turn away from me and I've like missed out on probably like important bit of notes there be times where I literally would go home and like I just cry that's so weird is it not then awkward no

2:50what is up guys and welcome back to the podcast it's important to preface this by saying that I'm a big Love Island fan and I am someone who has watched literally every season every single season and I have many many opinions of it from a kind of social experiment side to the social media side to the career side to general enjoyment and nosiness and therefore I really wanted to do this episode to get a bit of a nosy cure for people who would like to know a little bit more about what actually goes on on Love Island, how different it is from what's actually happened, at what point they're allowed to talk about things, their access to mental health care, brand deals, and all of these different things, what's not known, what is known, what's generally kind of not talked about.

3:33So I really just wanted to have a nosy little conversation and find out a little bit more around the behind the scenes about something I'm personally really interested in, and I'm not ashamed of it at all. I think a lot of us love Love Island. But far more importantly, what I really, really wanted to talk to Tasha about today was her role in raising awareness about the deaf community, what it means to be deaf, her experience having found out she was deaf at 12 months old, her family's experience with that, the options that was presented to her, her journey getting a cochlear implant, how she's been super transparent in sharing how that works and how she hears and all of those things that I think we really should be taught about more and I think the way that Tasha has really bravely raised awareness in the face of also being trolled quite heavily for that which I think is horrendously abominable like I honestly cannot believe that would even happen but it does I also absolutely love the fact that she came out of Love Island and went straight for a pre-love partnership rather than a fast fashion partnership I think that's an amazing decision to make and I really respected that decision so I hope you really enjoy this episode as always if you do enjoy the episode please make sure to follow like subscribe whatever the platform asks you to do because it means that we can get really great guests and then I can have a really nice chat with them but thank you so much for listening to the podcast and as always have a lovely day.

5:00Tasha Guri is a television personality, activist, dancer and model most recognized for her stint on the 2022 summer series of Love Island UK with Tasha being the first deaf person to enter the villa. Referring to being deaf as her superpower Tasha was born deaf with her parents identifying this when she was just 12 months old. At five she then received a cochlear implant in her right ear. She launched her own podcast Superpowers with Tasha in February 2023 which focuses on normalizing disabilities and explores what once made her feel like an outcast now being her greatest source of strength and community.

5:31Following her exit from the villa and over the last two years Tasha became the first ever pre-loved brand ambassador for eBay. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with Tasha today to talk about her time during the filming of Love Island but also to explore life after leaving the villa whether the Love Island bubble has truly burst and her work to normalise her differences throughout everything that she does. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for having me. I would love to go back to a little bit about yourself your childhood. So I'm actually from a very small town called Thersk it's literally mid of nowhere in North Yorkshire.

5:59I moved to London about five years ago for my dance career because I wanted to be a dancer and to have that in Thersk there wasn't any potential to do that. London was kind of a place to be okay. It was a big move as well going from like sheeps and cows and fields to the big city and that's kind of where it all started and I got quite a small family as well. I never really had a big family. My parents got divorced when I was like eight years old and my brother lives in Australia, my dad lives in Spain, my mum lives in Yorkshire. Right so like very all over the place. Yeah my family is literally everywhere.

6:32My parents got thoughts to still like communicate and technically it's me going to show that she brought them kind of friends again yeah I always wanted to be a dancer and then when I moved to London um I got signed by a modeling agency okay so I got into modeling as well so I modeled for like ASOS quite a few brands and I was working self-employed you know it's hard being self-employed as well in London I was literally grafting hours I was working at Tiffany and Co the jewelry brand right you know working with your dance in a bar I was doing that literally like from 12 to 2am literally trying to pay my rent my bills that's kind of what I was doing before I went on the show talking a little bit about when you were a baby your parents found out that you were deaf was that what kind of time was that if you don't mind me asking so they found out when I was about 12 months old which is quite late on and that's just because I wasn't responding to like squeaky toys or responding to their voices and they're a bit like something's not really right with her and they took me to the hospital and that's when they said okay she's deaf in both ears obviously to them it's a huge shock because I was born into a hearing family it was challenging a moment for them as well as well as me because they had to learn and adapt so much as a family of course I got my first cochlear implant when I was five years old so it was quite late on but that's just because we had to do more tests and just figuring out what's going to be best for me because they had to do that decision for me I couldn't as five years old say yeah give me the cochlear implant then I had speech therapy after for so long after that I really had to work on my speech because I couldn't speak until I was five I was literally moot fluent in BSL British Sign Language that's how I was communicating and yeah that's kind of how it came around but the reason why I was born deaf we don't know it was nothing genetic it was just happens kind of situation which obviously can happen to anyone and yeah so that's kind of like how it started and then the reason why I got one as well on my right ear was kind of experiment to see how it'd work out because if we did both at the same time I'd been overwhelming at five years old.

8:31I'd been a bit too late. There was a lot going on. I did have the opportunity to have a second one when I was 16, but I turned it down because I just thought I was happy with one. I don't need another one. And I was made of my A-levels as well. And that actually broke my A-levels. I had to go through a whole new operation, a new re-implant. I did all my first year A-levels in my second year. I couldn't hear for literally about six months. For people who, I guess, don't know about the different types of options, you explain about the fact that your parents were deciding which option was best, you were offered a second one and you turned it down.

9:03Could you tell people who maybe don't know about what it is and actually kind of how it works and why someone might say no to a second one or a first one or try something else? Yeah, I mean, so cochlear implants are way more advanced to hearing aids. There's both two different things. So hearing aids are more amplified sounds, makes things louder for you. That's why a lot of elderly people have a hearing aid. and because your hearing deteriorates when you get older whereas cochlear implants surgically done so you have the internal and external so i've got the external part which is like the earpiece i was like oh there's like a cool like spy vibe yeah like little secret spy and you've got the internal which is the operational part and it's really clever how it works but i actually don't hear from my ear i hear from the implant so that's kind of best way to explain it um so it doesn't straight into your brain yeah so it didn't restore my actual hearing it kind of gives me hearing that's kind of a god science is amazing yeah like technology is unbelievable and it's just basically i've got a magnet in my head and the inside and my cochlear implant magnet attaches that's when it activates and it's through like the vibrations is it yeah well like so when you're talking to me the implant recognizes it as sound and it transmits through the processor to the brain so microphone's actually at the front here yeah so that's where the sound travels through the wire into my head and it transmits so clever it basically um just transmits and recognizes sounds that is incredible that's incredible and obviously your parents made that decision for you is that something you would have made for yourself 100 it gave me so many opportunities and as interesting as the big deaf culture in this um world you know people believe that if you were born deaf you should stay deaf you shouldn't get a cochlear implant or hearing aid which I completely get you know people have different values and beliefs but whereas for my parents they were kind of like we want her to have a good future we want her to experience sounds and music and have conversations with people and I'm so glad that they did that because it's got me where I am now I can't be any more thankful really yeah no absolutely and how did that experience play a role in you working out really who you were?

11:15Teenage years are definitely the toughest years of my life. It was it was kind of more because when you're a teenager you're figuring out who you are as a person you're going through especially as a girl hormones like everything name it and it's kind of like at that time I was trying to figure out who I was as a person I was the only deaf student in my school so that kind of added pressure in terms of I was always comparing myself in such a negative way and just so I was so horrible to myself basically I didn't love myself yeah I had no self-love I had no self-confidence it wasn't until I actually left school that's when I kind of started to you know gain a bit more confidence and dance industry massively helped me with that but through school it was just it was tough but I was lucky enough I had friendships I wasn't horribly bullied I got cyber bullied I was lucky that I still have friends and good support around me to get me through school but I think educational side of things I didn't do too bad but I didn't have that support in terms of I was kind of pushed to the side and there wasn't enough awareness like there'd be times when in a classroom they put me at the back of the class where I need to be at the front so I can lip read and like things like that it's literally like little things like teachers would like write on a whiteboard but turn away from me and I'd like miss out on probably like important bit of notes or information there'd be times where I literally would go home and like just go in my bathroom in my bedroom and just cry for hours as well like me personally I hate like not causing trouble but I don't like to put my troubles in other people so in school I just kept myself to myself and didn't say how I was feeling or say my opinion because I was like I didn't want to kind of put my troubles in other people like I don't like to do that so I think yeah I think it's changing now though I think it's becoming more well aware of what needs to change in school and hopefully it does do you Do you feel like you've, I don't want to use the word improve because it kind of sounds like I'm putting the blame on you, but in terms of your being able to like raise things and talk about things and stand up for yourself in that way, do you feel like you've kind of developed that muscle a bit, I guess?

13:18Yeah, definitely. I think, you know, you grow a stronger bone when you get older and especially dance industry is so tough and cutthroat. Like you will get rejection here, there and everywhere. And you have to be so strong to take that rejection and keep going and get that yes job, especially dance industry. I was so scared of, you know, would they accept me because I'm deaf because I've got a cochlear implant. and it was actually after I graduated from Dance Conservatoire, my second audition, I got the job. I did like a six-month contract with grants and I literally was like, wow, okay, the dance industry was changing, it's becoming more diverse and representation.

13:55I got to the point where I was so confident to even just talk about my cochlear implant and talk about my hearing and tell people, you know, please, can you face me? I need to lip read or can you stand on this side? And like, I've got so much more confidence to do that now, whereas in school I'd never do that I used to like hide it and just never even speak about people ask me I'd be like don't ask me yeah no yeah I don't know what you're talking about whereas now I'm like okay it's a part of me it's never going to go away but I'm proud of it now yeah I see it as an amazing gift you know if you would speak to the you at that age or someone who is in that similar situation so they've they're the only deaf person in their school they you know are finding it a little bit hard what would you say to that person I love this question because when I look back, when I look back on my younger self, I'm like, Tasha, you were so stupid.

14:43Like, I brought myself down so much. So what I would say to someone is don't let it take over you. Don't be scared. And, you know, don't let it define you. It's a part of you that's something unique and special. And, you know, celebrate your amazing differences. You know, you are amazing. You're no different. All humans are equal. And you all have bones underneath. And, you know, I think, you know, especially social media, it's so much pressure and having to look perfect all the time having to be you know somebody that's you know like people like influence on social media or etc but that's what I would say to someone is just take your time like confidence didn't come in a day it didn't come like in a minute you have to work on yourself and find self-love and do things that you love as well that will really help you like your passion hobby something you went from that point that you obviously were at school you went into dance at the initial point that you started to enjoy dancing obviously I can imagine like the obvious question around that for you would have been the accessibility of that in terms of your cochlear implant whether there were going to be restrictions it's already a fucking tough industry did you ever worry about that I guess and what how did you decide that that was very much something you wanted to do nothing was kind are gonna stop you pursuing that yeah um I mean I even told my dad I remember telling my dad at this conversation I went I'm gonna be a dancer my dad straight away was thinking about you know about financials you know all of these kind of things I said no I'm gonna follow my like how about a lawyer yeah I was like I don't care it's fine have you heard of accountants um and I said I'm just gonna follow my dreams and just see what happens I have such a creative mind that I just can't I have to be up and about I have to do something um and that's why dancing came in I think dancing really helped my hearing as well like the way I hear music I feel the vibrations and I can it's really weird to explain it but we hear it like really differently and it gives me goosebumps every time I hear music I get goosebumps and I think with dancing it just kind of made sense for me because I loved it so much and it made me happy it's my safe space I loved going to class training dancing with other people not getting judged as well because it's such an open space you can go in that room and be who you want to be and no one will judge you no one's watching you that's what I love about dancing everyone's just so friendly and it's like a family in a way it's such a small world like everyone knows everyone so you went to dance school yeah and then you went to pursue it as a career how long did you do that before you went on the show I went to dance conservatory when I was 18 I trained for three years and then I was dancing like three and a half years pretty much and modeling as well so it's so hard because self-employment is that's how it is like it's so up and down like one month would be so good and next month I'd literally be scraping like literally had nothing because I loved it so much that's what kept me going I was like I don't want to give up on this dream that I have being a dancer and just you know my dream was actually to be like a tour on tour like a backup dance of like do a lipper or something that was literally my biggest dream yeah yeah i literally dreamed of that all the time and so the market's uncertain revenues tied and hiring on hold that's why results driven companies are using upwork to keep work moving go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast no bulky overhead no rigid long-term contracts just the right expert right when you need them.

18:18Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. There's the part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian. Apparently, I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny. OCD. I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety.

18:58General therapy can help with some things, but for OCD, it can actually make things worse. That's why I want to tell you about NoCD. NoCD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to NOCD.com to book a free 15-minute call. They are here to help. In business, communications is everything. That's why I use Ultitel. With voice calling, video conferencing, messaging, chat, fax, and more all-in-one, I get unified business communications that work wherever I do.

19:42All powered by AI and for just$18 a month. Request a demo today by calling 1-844-858-2835 or learn more at ultatel.com. What made you decide then to apply for Love Island? So it was actually interesting how it came around. So I actually nearly got onto another show, Too Hot to Handle. Right. and I literally got to the final round and they were quite keen and then they said I went right for it but one of the producers from that show works on Love Island as well and that's kind of how my name came up for Love Island but I still have to go through the whole process and messaged me on Instagram just to say they were casting for a love show it's very obvious and I was like okay a love show on an island I was like the only love show on my TV literally the process I remember it started in January and it literally went on to like May I don't know what it was that made me go through I just thought I've got nothing to lose and I was single at the time I didn't think I was actually going to get it though that was the thing like I was like just doing it I was like there's no way I'm going to go on a show like it's not going to happen and then when I got the phone call to say you're going on and I was literally like shit fuck I was like okay I literally ran my dad I was like um and he knew straight away he was like you're going aren't you and I was like yeah um and I think I had mixed emotions that day I literally was like this is not real like I just I would have shat myself.

21:08Yeah. Sorry. I was just like, I don't know where to start. I would have been like. I had two reasons going on. You know, I actually did genuinely want to find someone because for me, like back then, like dating and stuff, I found it quite difficult to, especially with my hearing and stuff, I just found it hard to be open in that way with dating. And then the biggest reason is obviously representation, you know. For my mum and dad, they were a bit 50-50 with me going on the show. They went 100%. they're a bit okay you do realize that not many people are educated on you know deafness the deaf community and they did say to me you are going to get trolls like you are going to get you know hate on that I was going in very vulnerable I had no idea what it was going to be like but I thought you know what there's no representation on tv and I wanted to change that and that's why that's probably my main reason I went on there to show that you know even though you've got a disability you can find love you can be chatty confident you can be whoever you want to be basically and and when you were kind of going through that application process how early on in the process I mean I guess that producer probably from too hot to handle already knew that you were deaf was there kind of a point that you raised in the process were they did they ask any I guess specific questions about it because obviously there's an accessibility point of view as well like yeah um in terms of how they can prepare best to be able to you know give you an experience that has everything you need yeah so any that the written application obviously there's a box to say do you have any disabilities that's kind of where I noted it and then the first zoom call I did get asked about it and you know they kind of asked questions like how do you like be open to someone about it are you confident to talk about it even on the show it was actually my decision to tell all the ironing does about it I said to the producers I was like I'm just gonna tell them all at once it's kind of done dusted like because I didn't want to have individual conversations throughout the night to be like yeah because then it also feels like you're the one who has to do the legwork for something that people should be very much open to and then you're the one who has to like deliver it as if it's like your little secret and you're like hey guys by the way like sorry just so you know come over into my corner please yeah so that's like pretty much how the process happened I literally found out like a week and a half before I was actually going on and I literally had no like no that's very stressful and I was actually the modeling agency at the time I took a massive risk so I was like I cut off with my modeling agency and I just kind of said I'm going traveling and luckily enough the risk was worth it in a way when you get the phone call that you've been accepted to Love Island who are you allowed to tell I assume no one no one but it was me like mom dad my best friends yeah of course like you gotta yeah I'm not really funny but my best friends if I just left without saying anything they're gonna be like it should okay they'll probably think like i've gone to like an isolated island just like everyone going to look for you and the police is being like no guys it's fine she's coming in yeah so like i actually don't have that many friends either like my circle is very small right i'm very lucky like that um anything that's said in there doesn't go anywhere but obviously you do get worried because you're like if it comes out of course less than your chance going on you've gone into the show you were on the first like you came in in the original set right how was that experience of like even walking I can't imagine walking in you're probably so conscious of the cameras like the first like the first few days like yeah I'd be like um like how was that whole experience it was crazy because I remember when holding for like next to the main villa before we were going in and all the girls were there oh really little tents outside so we're all like in these tents no We couldn't see each other, yeah.

24:45That was like on the press day as well before we went on. We had to get pictures and everything. Like, Andrew was in the same building as me. That's so weird. On the same day. It was so weird. But we never saw each other. Going into the villa, I just remember being like, okay, this is real. Like, this is not going back now. This is it. I remember the first people I saw was Paige in India, I think it was. And straight away, I felt, I was very nervous. But I think because I walked in to girls there already. already I was like okay it's fine like we're all in it together we're all in the same boat but I remember we actually stood there filming that bit for about three to four hours.

25:20Yeah I always hear that like the challenges and any of those things are hours and hours. Is it not then awkward because you're all obviously like standing there and you're like not really saying anything you're like. It was funny because the boys come out obviously they film when the boys are in front of the girls like get all the camera angles and I remember we all just we stood there like and obviously the boys felt so like. Oh my god I'd be sweating. They'd be like who's the little because they're literally standing there like on their own as well and got five girls looking at you like i can't imagine do they let you like freshen up or anything no oh my god they'd be like what is the girl with the sweat issue i need water please someone i assume at this point you're like very conscious of the cameras yeah because when you walk in you see all the cameras you see it all of course in my head i thought it would be hidden like i won't see a single camera you walk in you literally see single camera yeah even the ones that you have like actual camera people as well behind like it's like so weird outside the villa it's like in the zoo tunnels it's like not like a tunnel but it's like a walkway so around outside the villa and have like sliding doors so you hear like and you see like a big camera come out like sorry we're just filming around and i remember the first time that happened i actually looked straight at the camera because i was so caught off guard i was like I was like fucking hell the rest of the time it's just like cameras that you can see but there are no people there the whole like opening day you're basically just like thrust into this weird like film set yeah I assume it probably like feels like a kind of fake film set it felt like I was in like a sims virtual yeah I felt like I was a sims character just kind of like someone's made me into how it turned just put me in there that's literally how it felt and yeah you see even when you're sleeping you're getting filmed as well no wonder everyone puts their sunglasses on yeah like a full face mask I'd have one of those you know like cryotherapy masks yeah like the led ones I'd have one of those so you who did you get partnered up with in your first Andrew did you yeah the public put us together oh my god wow meant to be it's crazy that must have been a vote of confidence yeah like even my mum and dad put us together as well really and so when you first started having conversations did you think like yep this is right or were you like I think it's hard because the first few days you want to be open you want to you know love line is all about dating and finding a one and so many different personalities different characteristics of people and for me it was kind of i didn't want to rush into anything straight away i need to i wanted to keep my options open um but straight away there was that flirt you found to me and andrew there was that little like like something um but in my head i was like i don't want to rush it because i do wear my heart on my sleeve i also do tend to have this tendency of like pushing people away and right because I never had a serious relationship before that it was hard for me to be open straight away in a way yeah you need them in before you are yeah so I kind of had to feel the waters a little bit whereas with Andrew it was a bit different for Andrew I think he was pretty much set on me straight away and I think both of our experiences were very different we had a very different journeys in there but we like especially for me I grew as a person in that I think I came out of a lot of self-growth I learned so much more about relationships and I massively grew like I walked out completely in person when I walked in yeah it's crazy and you know we definitely had a rocky journey 100 % but I'm grateful that it happened because it got us to where we are now anyway how did you find I guess experiencing that self-growth hard you do form friendships in there and you'd never lived with these people before you're actually living together yeah right for me I'm quite sensitive as a person as well like I'm very sensitive and when I was in there I was very overly sensitive and I think it's because you can't talk to your friends and family you can't go for a walk and I'm very that person that I'm feeling some kind of way I need to let it out I need to talk to someone and the only people that I could speak to is people in the villa and it's it's hard because when you're going through your own thing in there you also got other people's relationships going on other people's drama and there's a lot and you've got the cameras on you as well and obviously the producers will come and have chats with you like it's so it's a lot it's overwhelming and when you're in there 24 hours every day it's obviously becomes normality in a way but at the same time it is mentally draining like there was a point where I wasn't even myself anymore I remember my dad and my mom said to me they're like we knew you weren't yourself I have no emotion when it came to the brief chats I was just sat there like this like and my dad was like I saw you slipping away and he was like I was he was on the phone something like coming to get her really yeah he was he was just like he saw me just slipping day by day I think it was after Castlemore I just stopped caring so much right I thought you know that's kind of moment for me where it switched and I thought Tasha just stop being stupid and just you know what I have of Andrea is so special and don't fuck it up basically in my head I was like fighting myself being like you've got something so good right don't push that away don't you know Yeah, allow yourself to be vulnerable, like all of that.

30:23And that's when I switched and I thought, you know what, I'm going to enjoy it and see where it goes kind of thing. There's a point where I literally had to have time to myself and just sit on my own, like nap. I get concentration fatigue. A lot of deaf people struggle with it. You know, you're lip-reading all the time. Your brain overworks. God, I can imagine. Every day I'd be napping on the balcony for about two hours while the girl's getting ready. And would they let you do that? Yeah, because I think they understood. They knew that I'd get a headache, migraines. I was just so exhausted emotionally exhausted as well and being in the sun all day and you know having these conversations with people and it was a lot especially the first two weeks I just remember being like yeah no I can't imagine it's not like people think we lay there on holiday enjoying the sun I'm like no yeah there's a reason why they take away every sort of distraction like I'd be like please give me a pen and paper because I just need to like yeah this doesn't work so I'm gonna need to like do it through this I'm like I'm really gonna need you to give me that pen and paper before i go and say yeah we like writing on a leaf in the corner like etching things in there i literally saw the psych like three times a day i was like yeah i was like i need like some someone to speak to that's so interesting so are you allowed to at any point you want go to speak to yeah they have like a welfare team you can speak to they speak to you at like lunchtime like you have like a like a zoom call thing um but you also have a psych on request you can actually go speak to over zoom as well but beach hut if you really need it and it's kind of like you take your mic off no one actually hears anything in there so it's actually it's confidential and that's what I liked about it is I could go in there then or oh I wouldn't say that so much yeah I'd be like we're gonna start charging there's time I was in there for like an hour and they're like hey Tash you can't need to go back out because I was like missing if I didn't have that I think I would have probably left a lot sooner really yeah and what was it that kind of changed your headspace after Casa Ramon I mean obvious things happened yeah but when you say that you kind of came back and you switched what do you think encouraged that switch I cared so much about people's opinions and the public's opinions and you know I was like I don't want to cry anymore I mean that's what was in my head I was like I just don't want to be upset anymore I just don't want to be looking back on this experience being like why did you like to get to you so much and that's kind of why in my head I thought I'm just gonna go in my heart and whatever happens happens yeah that's kind of why I just said just stop caring so much about what people think and just enjoy your time me and Andrew had the best time of our lives for the last four weeks right we were just the happiest in ourselves and together that's when we really grew as a couple and as people together as well and I look back on those four weeks I'm like yeah those were like for me and him we were just happy yeah and if you could go back and do Love Island all again is there anything you would change yeah like don't care what people think 100 % yeah I look back and I'm like that should be in that bottom three obviously is it's hard it's cutthroat because you're literally standing there like have I done something wrong there's so many things going through your head I wanted to like message my mom and dad being like something is this something I'm doing or and you just don't know what's been showed out there as well you don't know what's been aired because not everything's going to get aired and I think I was doubting myself so much and obviously because I wanted to make a deaf community proud as well I felt like I was letting them down.

33:34I was bringing myself down so much. I think more about people's opinions on your relationship and the public as well. I think more in that way. Obviously, I made mistakes in that. There were times where I did upset Andrew, and it hurt me inside. I was like, I don't want to be upsetting people. I'm not a dramatic drama person either. I got along with the girls. Every time we had each other, we were upset. But yeah, I wasn't really the drama kind of person. that's why people maybe thought it was boring because I didn't bring anything to TV but that's just not who I am like I'm not gonna I'm just not that kind of person I just don't have it in me but there's definitely times where I realized my mistakes and I was like you know I had to hit myself not hit myself I actually hit myself just I mean like inside to be like Tash like you know not doing it on purpose just like you know sometimes you don't realize your own actions can hurt other people and I think that's what I learned in the video as well quite a lot definitely throughout your kind of time in there when you look back on it I assume you're very happy that you did it that you kind of is that your like view on it definitely I think I'm definitely happy that you know met Andrew and the opportunities that come from it I think coming out the show it was so overwhelming you're coming out to more of a bigger platform I think at first I was like oh my god like this this is like I couldn't explain the feeling I was literally like what is going on like you had negatives positives so much love and it's like you see so many different things but I didn't go looking for it I was very like my dad basically actually sat me down and told me pretty much things that were said and just to warn you like this throughout the whole journey it's just like how it was like for you it was very honest and I was like fair enough um and I think the only thing that probably helped me the most was about my hearing like people taking me out of my voice the way I spoke and I mean that's just like bigoted yeah people are literally making tiktoks about my voice yeah taking a mick out of my voice yeah it's crazy laughing that's probably the only thing that hurt me because I was a bit like I can't help but also like comfort like comfort my character say I'm not your type of person like any of these things fine fair enough like taking the piss like I cannot believe that that also wouldn't be taken down yeah and I also think that like it's horrible that you would have to have the brunt of that I also think that's just such a massive misconception like even just like the openness to it yeah I can't believe that there wouldn't be like something that in their brain would be like before I do this do I maybe consider the fact that like this would have been you know a different situation yeah but I think because the way I came out I was like you know what I'm not even going to respond to it I've turned it into a positive thought okay I've got a platform now and I can educate and raise awareness that's what I've been doing the past year I'm going to educate these trolls but in the most positive way possible and not return and because I'm not a hateful person I'm not a horrible person that's not who I am I haven't got it in me it's more that you know what that's okay maybe you just don't know yeah and that's fine maybe not educated that's also fine that's why you know sometimes the TikTok video responding to comments just being like look the reason why my voice is like this is because and then sometimes people actually say you know what I am sorry yeah if you replied to all of those I'm sure you would get those types of responses like they would be really nice responses and they would kind of be like mean no harm but obviously like the barrage of like everything that you get when you come out what did that feel like obviously like you finished the show yeah and then do you go into like a holding situation yeah so after the final even before the final we actually left the main villa about two days before the final actually oh yeah of course because it's like unpack set up for the final you know when it's like a holding villa and it was actually quite cool it's like oh my god like we kind of we're out of this world now we're starting to feel normal again we have like people doing the hair makeup like we saw new people and I was like this is so weird I remember it's actually really funny that after the final we had no chaperones in the villa like we were so excited because we were like yes like no more cameras no more chaperones no mics like that was the first night where me and Andrew literally told each other everything so There's so much that happens behind the scenes in terms of things can get navigated.

37:46And me and Andrew were literally telling each other everything. We were like, no. And he was like, it was good we had that because he was like, now that makes sense. And I'd be like, oh, okay, so that's why. So that was probably the most craziest night because it was just like, oh, my God. And then obviously got back and even going to the airport, onto the plane, I was just like, oh, my days. We're about to go back to the UK and see all my family, friends. and I just remember feeling so happy I was happy to leave in a way because I was like you know towards the end it does get a bit you know you kind of want to get out now you kind of want to go back to normality and like even go to Tesco together like yeah going to Tesco right yeah you know meal deal or something yeah I mean I'm the type of person when I'm away I'm like okay ready to go home now another duck wrap's the best thing I'm like please someone um and when do you get your phones back but you got it back the day after the final and they actually fit they filmed us um tearing our phones on I just remember turning it on I was like I'm not even gonna look at it for like ages because it just kept messages notifications everything but I'm really grateful for is that we came out to a lot of love and support and that was really nice to come out to because obviously you're scared you don't know what you're going to come out to you could come out the complete opposite um I'm really grateful that we came out to just yeah a lot of support on there and I think that was nice to come out to because I was very very skeptical of what it's going to be like in a way I didn't see hardly any negative comments literally yeah well because I always feel so terrible for people who come out at a point where I know that like the past week for them hasn't been good like they've come across really badly for whatever reason and it's almost like everything they did before that point is like completely ignored it's like you only they're only treated exactly how they were perceived right before they came out yeah and I think we actually had the reunion literally like three days later as well so we didn't even have time to actually process everything we literally landed transported to a hotel then we had to prepare for the reunion so we weren't even like you didn't even go home yeah i didn't even go home so we didn't have time to actually process i'd be like someone going home i'm like especially having a reunion like three days later that's not really a reunion and that's just like we're on a hotel together as well we're still all together i wish that when we landed i think they did that with this lot just been that they actually landed went home and really just kind of enjoyed the time whereas literally we're just into a hotel and did you get put in your own hotel rooms or did you get to list and be like hello I would like to be with my new boyfriend please yeah we put together in a hotel um it was actually quite nice because Andrew's parents were there my parents were there we all could sit down like it's a there's the first chat that's always like crazy because yeah you just talk about everything lay it out and it's just it's crazy how they saw things but then to us it was wasn't the case it's just crazy it was crazy I just remember being in a hotel like wow this is just yeah just yeah different world and when you came out did you feel a lot of pressure to I guess continue your relationship I wouldn't say so you know I think when I when we came out we obviously were in a bubble you know you are in a bubble when you come out first you're very like it's a lot because going through it together I think that's what was nice that we were there for each other you know he was going through things I was going through things but we had each other to go do it together but I think the main thing that me and Andrew are quite good at is not caring about people's opinions on our relationship I think when we came out I think we learned that in the Phyllis when we came out we were very like okay we're strong now like we can take anything you know people's opinions come at us we can we're strong as a couple like we're strong as people and I think you know there's times obviously people be like I'll say something stupid like in a relationship but then we have to think the only people that matter is us too and communication is so important because we communicate really well that's why like we don't ever like get things get to us in a way of course sometimes it will but I think yeah obviously yes coming out we weren't that like prone to the people's opinions we were just like you know what we're here for each other we've got we've got each other let's just enjoy our time see what happens but me asking andrew to be my boyfriend in the villa that's the point where i was like I'm committed like this is me showing you I'm 100 % committed to you and I want this I think so that's why coming out it was so nice we actually went on holiday about like four weeks later that's probably the best thing we did because we took ourselves out out of the love iron villa we went you know no cameras anymore this kind of time just it's probably like a test to see what we're like as well on holiday and yeah in each other's company just us two nobody else around and it was the best thing that we did because that was actually like the moment to be like okay this could be something really special we can have babies or whatever in the future yeah it's been amazing and you know we're still together to this day which is crazy and what's been the toughest part since coming out of the villa then probably sometimes trolls you know I think it still does get to me sometimes I'm quite like I said sensitive and I think um especially when they're trying to directly hit you or to make up some stupid shit just to literally piss you off and get to you and get a reaction and sometimes I will react and be like I'm literally giving them what they want it can be so hard I think sometimes also pressure of times having to keep up with like you know having brand deals all these kind of things and I'm like when I came out I wasn't okay I want this and that and this I said okay I'm quite specific with what I want to do and what I want like when it's like fashion like eBay and work with Ann Summers I already you know wanted to model them before like little things I wanted to be organic and just kind of do what felt best for me I did actually deleted twitter the other week i was like i'm deleting twitter i'm finished with it because twitter is a place it's so toxic and it's crazy like how much like they literally will compare the girls being like oh my god like you know just things like that and it's like it shouldn't be about that but everyone's successful in their own ways and like i've seen people drag down i ain't just being like oh she's cancelled she's finished because she's not getting jobs anymore things like that it's like it's crazy how far people will literally take it and like create a whole new storyline and how have you adapted to I guess dealing with that I think I just kind of have to ground myself and remember that they don't know me they don't know me personally they've seen what they've seen on tv and I think it's actually interesting I came out the show so many people have said to me you're not like how you were on tv in the best way possible in terms of you know that I'm not this horrible person who tried to make me you know the filling edit whatever but I think I just ground myself and let you know what just breathe and I've got people around me that's the only people that matter and when you came out obviously most Love Islanders jobs become influencer stuff so how much did you know about things like brand deals and how did you even navigate I guess getting into that management like um so obviously because I was modeling before I kind of was in influence social media influencing because when you're modeling you do have to have an Instagram portfolio that's where you that's your work basically so I kind of already was like knew what to do I was on TikTok already actually a week before I went to the show I actually went to my management that I'm with now and I kind of just said like I may be going on the show would you be interested in working together and they actually took a risk with me because they were like you know like you know we got along straight away and I told them what you know what I was wanting to do after the show what kind of things I was looking for so coming out we had a meeting and that's when the ebay deal was kind of on the table and i said ebay would love to work with you and i straight away was like 100 that's actually the one thing i really wanted to do coming out because you know the clothes that they gave in the villa was some of the stuff was just incredible i was like wow like it'd be such a dream to work than coming out and then i could see my shoes for example i wore their shoes and that came organic as well because they were like they already knew me from before the show because i used to do instagram pictures and do a little tag of like little like simi shoes and then and summers and then you know and I'm working with these brands and because now I've got great relationships I'm still working with them now like a year later I'm just so grateful and thankful because little me would never thought I'd be here right now in terms of doing what I'm doing like my own podcast and working with deaf charities and being advocate yeah for the deaf community that's what I've like been wanting to do especially just being a voice and raising awareness I'm so passionate about passionate about it and the fact that I've got a bigger platform I can do it now it makes me happy and like me making other people happy makes me happy basically yeah if I can help someone wear the hair off and show the hair in a cochlear implant I'm happy you know that's what brings me comfort and getting messages like that I get it every day people saying thank you because if you haven't gone to a photo shoot I feel confident to tell my friends and things like that and that's that's gives me warmth yeah I saw this really amazing ad that you did where I think it was right after you came out of the show so Cadbury I think is that the subtitles yeah yeah yeah could you talk a little bit about that and then I thought that was a like fucking fantastic ad and was really really really powerful could you talk a little bit maybe for people who like haven't seen that what that was about like what the aim was so So Cadbury Fingers, they're doing a campaign called Sign Me Fingers.

46:59And I remember when we first came out, they were like, we're interested in working with you. And I was like, it's a campaign that obviously aligns with me perfectly. So I'm 100 % down for it. And the whole point of the message was that I was doing British Sign Language. I was signing the kind of advert ad. And the subtitles were behind my legs, but they were hidden. So you couldn't see the full subtitles. And people were literally in the comments like, your legs are hiding the subtitles. that I can't see what's being said and I was like that's the whole point so that's the whole point we were trying to say was that deaf people also don't feel included in conversation so that was literally the whole trist of the campaign it's very very powerful because the response that we got was how I wanted it to be so people getting confused of like oh we can't see some tales that's kind of the whole point that's now you know how you know deaf people feel in everyday situations so that's probably like one of my proudest moments that I did doing that campaign because you know it's something that was just so strong war in a way and it really sent out a really good message yeah and I can imagine for yourself as well like being able to come out of that and like not that you ever shouldn't have but like being able to own it so clearly and be so like just strong about the fact that like this is my I guess like perceived difference and this is what like this is what you need to know about it and this is what you need to know if you meet someone with that situation so that you can you know be as accommodating and access as accessible as possible 100 and also being able to kind of you know the amount of people I'm sure that would have watched that and would have watched you on Love Island as well and generally being able to kind of accept more about themselves and accept more about their kind of um you know their their position and how they can you know just like I think I think you having done that and raised that awareness by kind of just showing and being proud and all of that was a hugely a hugely brave thing to do as well because I can imagine that's like terrifying in a way as you say that you had some insecurities about it when you were younger and like which is kind of you know I can imagine so hard then to go on and really own something to such a wide audience so um yeah I think what you've done is like really really incredible I love the fact that you've come out of the villa and and kind of shown your love for pre-loved clothing I think that's been really powerful um and yeah I really wanted to talk to you today because I feel like you've had such an amazing story and also just like stood for things really well in a way that you could just tell that you're a nice person thank you I appreciate that which is always nice it was really nice to talk to you as well oh great well thank you so much thank you so much for coming on thank you

49:49Thank you.

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