Ep. 65 “I was an emotional wreck”: Saffron Barker on the secrets and sacrifices of growing up online

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1:15Because when your operations are smooth, your impact can be bigger. Visit business.warmart.com to get started. I felt like my dreams have been absolutely crushed. She's a social media star boasting 4 million followers. Hi guys. Hi guys. Hey guys. Hi guys. Saffron Barker has taken the internet by storm. Her story is really one of the ones that's almost like a Disney star. Like it feels so in the limelight, so young. I tried to vlog in school as much as I could. From the age of 15 it became like my full-time job. I filmed my life every day for two and a half years straight. There was times where I really did want to go out to the parties that all my friends were going to.

1:51But I decided to put my career first. How did that affect your mental health? I felt like I was just evolving my whole life around what other people thought of me. No one wanted to go, but we'd just do it for the video. If I made a video where I'm crying versus where I'm really happy, well, the one that's going to get more views is the one that I'm crying. If you could go back and talk to you, I guess, at that age, what would you have told yourself? I've actually never been asked that. That is a huge career-changing thing to land. It's actually really sad because I get good news, and then I'm like, great, but now I'm going to get so much hate.

2:25There was a lot of people that was like, she doesn't deserve to go on the show. There was actually Paps going through our outside bins at the time. What did you have to do for the Strictly audition? That's so mean.

2:45What is up, guys? And welcome back to the podcast. Today, we have Saffron Barker on the podcast. I really wanted to be able to talk to her, particularly about the difference I guess between first of all growing up online I feel like her story is really one of the ones that's almost like a kind of Disney star like it feels so in the limelight so young so constantly and also with a really young audience which also having your peers who are also young feeding back on everything you're doing I can imagine that was a huge amount of pressure from a really young age but then I also wanted to talk about the shift from that into really, really mainstream.

3:17So obviously Saffron went on Strictly, which is a huge boost into mainstream media. And I can imagine that, you know, really, really changed her life and the type of press she was getting. I don't just mean that in terms of publicity. I mean that in terms of hate as well. She talks about the fact that there was points where people and the press and paps and everything were literally going through bins outside hers and her relatives' houses and stopping her relatives in public and everything to try and get dirt essentially which is a really incredible kind of one-of-a-kind shot into success story so I hope you really enjoy this episode and as always if you do enjoy it please make sure to rate and subscribe and follow or literally whatever you're meant to do on whatever platform you're on because I don't know what platform you're on and as always I hope you have a wonderful day.

4:07Influencer YouTuber and podcast host Saffron Barker has taken the internet by Storm, with a YouTube following of almost 3.5 million subscribers across her two channels, as well as 1.8 million Instagram followers, Saffron is well-loved for her engaging content. Stepping into the TV spotlight when she joined the 17th series of Strictly Come Dancing with dancing partner AJ Pritchard, she's made the leap into the mainstream after a string of TV appearances taking part in Celebrity Hunted and The Celebrity Circle. At the young age of 23, Saffron has completed what some people might dream of achieving, ticking off life goals, buying and renovating her own house, traveling the world and even bringing out home and clothing lines.

4:42In this episode we go behind the scenes of her journey to fame, chatting about what it's like to be catapulted into such young success, what she feels she could have done differently and how she coped with transitioning from online platforms to mainstream media. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to have you. I have a lot to ask you about. I would love to know from the very beginning a little bit about yourself in early life, whether you thought this would be a career that you'd like necessarily go into I've heard you were in a girl band I want to hear all about it I guess when I was younger I always loved to perform you know like most young girls like I was always making shows for my mom and my dad and whatever else I was never academic I'm dyslexic I didn't really enjoy school and so I always thought that like in some way I would entertain obviously I didn't really think I'd be doing YouTube because it wasn't even a job when I was originally in like when I was first in school so I guess that's something I fell into however as soon as I started YouTube I knew that it was very quickly going to be my career yeah so tell me about the girl band for a second I want to hear some background on that I mean I just always sang when I was younger like I would always sing I was adamant I was going to be a singer right to be fair I've always been very driven I've always been so lucky because I've always known what I've wanted to do from the age of four I was singing I thought I was going to be a singer that was it yeah and so yeah I was in a girl band with three of my best friends and like we would travel to London all the time and it was quite like serious that we'd work with like really good people in the industry and like yeah there was kind of like a plan to release us when we was 18 and everything else and then we were spoken about so much in school that we got so much stick from it right that you know a lot of the girls just didn't really want that anymore and you know they have boyfriends everything else I wasn't so much like that because I yeah kind of thought well I have no other choice because this is all I've set out to be right is be a singer so I can't have a boyfriend like I can't do any of that stuff like I don't care if people talk about me in school I have to make it this is my career because quite frankly I don't think I'm good at anything else that was just like my mindset we kind of split when I was 14 which sounds so young I really thought that was going to be a career and then very quickly and I'm talking like a few days after I started on YouTube oh really that's so interesting yeah and at the time when there was the decision to split the girl band how did you like feel about that and how did that kind of affect you at that stage first of all I was heartbroken yeah because I felt like my dreams have been absolutely crushed it just made me realize that if something doesn't go your way in life like there's always another path like there's always another way and I think it probably just made me more focused and determined because I think before when I was in a girl band as well as it being us and I know we were super young we were 14 but like you know we had each other to rely on like when we train in London like we had each other whereas I kind of thought well I'm gonna have to do it by myself now and I only have myself to rely on so I'm really really gonna have to be focused so I think it definitely affected me because I was so driven from that point onwards because I was like I'm gonna have to find something else to do I only have myself and so I'm gonna have to like literally put a thousand percent into it yeah yeah and so when you started your YouTube what was the kind of content that you were coming out with in the first year I guess I was just doing vlogs honestly.

8:00I started vlogging on an iPhone on a selfie stick. At the time there wasn't really many YouTubers so I've been doing it for eight years now and there was like Zoella, Alfie but other than that there really wasn't many and everyone was a lot older than me. How old are you now sorry? I'm 23 now. Right. Yeah so when I started I was 14. Yeah so you must have been way back in the beginning. Yeah yeah yeah. So I feel like there was those guys doing it but there was no one my age really doing it. I tried to vlog in school as much as I could without getting told off. Yeah, it didn't go down that well.

8:32I think, you know, people would watch me relating to me because I was just a normal teenage girl. Because there wasn't a lot of that at the time. What was the point that you started to see it, I guess, really take off? So I was really lucky because it took off quite quickly for me. And my boyfriend at the time was also doing YouTube. So we kind of grew together. You can have a boyfriend when you're on YouTube. Exactly. To clarify, not if you're in a girl band, but you can if you're on YouTube. Apart from your whole life is shared online. but yeah no fair enough but it's better it's good for the image we kind of like grew together at that time and so I actually grew very quickly I would say the point that I was like oh my goodness this can be my job I missed my dance exam in school because Nickelodeon wanted to fly me out for the kids choice awards wow and so I think that was like the point where I was like oh my goodness like this could be something it was quite a big deal for my mum at the time as well to like let me miss my exams to go fly out and do that yeah so that was probably the point where I was like oh my goodness and I'm still in school and then to be honest I didn't really do much of the last year in school because I was here there and everywhere right to be honest from the age of 15 it became like my full-time job yeah that's so young I filmed my life every day for two and a half years straight and I think I missed two days in the two and a half years and I would edit them myself as well yeah at 15 so yeah that is crazy when you think of a 15 year old essentially acting self-employed just doing these things like getting the workload out and also sure no one's telling you to reach a deadline if you don't get it in by that day like as you know like you wouldn't have got the views or like people might have fallen off or like whatever it might be I mean it must have taught you a lot at that age about really just like you get out what you put in yeah you really just have to like you have to tick these boxes and if you're not like you're not going to get what you need to get that's actually like a fierce feedback loop to have at that age yeah definitely I mean because I was so young and I was living at home I had my mum that would help me film stuff right she would basically say to me you know you can go to that party but then I'm not going to help you film right get out what you put in right and also she would always remind me and I think this still goes to this day I still think this like it's one of those jobs that could easily never last forever 100 there's always someone new to follow like if you know if I stop for three months well someone will just go find someone else to watch I think that's the probably one of the hardest things with our job is you have to be so consistent especially now everyone's doing it oh my god 100 % yeah half of my friends from home are now influencers so really yeah it's crazy I mean I'm sure you probably know more people that are doing social media than aren't at this point so like now more than ever it's just about consistency because people just go find someone new to watch it's that easy you talk about your mum and talk about how she obviously allowed you to fly out like missing your drama exam all of these different things why do you think she was so I guess encouraging at that age I think my mum also knew she's gonna make it in entertaining or performing in some way and my mum was really invested when I was in the girl band like she was literally like a momager basically like she would drive and pick us up all day every day take us everywhere and she was so invested in it and I think she saw how heartbroken I was by that at such a young age and so I think she thought okay well if she's gonna invest her time in this I'm going to invest my time in helping her she could never see me you know work in an office job like she just knew that wasn't really my strengths right you're saying I couldn't but it wasn't really my strengths so I think she just saw that and obviously she's my mom so she wanted to help me in any way that I could she was quite tough on me but I think it's obviously the best thing that's ever happened because she's the person that's kept me grounded and also I honestly don't think I'd be where I was if it wasn't for her because you know there was times where I really did want to go out to the parties that all my friends were going to but I decided to put my career first and that was because of my mum also as well as myself yeah yeah and how much do you think it affected your career having a mum who was that supportive oh massively I think definitely the age that I started people enjoyed seeing my family like in my videos and I think that would also be a huge factor as another reason as to why I grew because it was just a normal family that I guess people again could just relate to the kind of year of your GCSE is you were kind of here there and everywhere what types of things were you doing a lot of carpets but again Nickelodeon Disney that sort of stuff which even I look back and I'm like that's actually crazy that I did that at that age and so at that age what did you think your career I guess was going to turn into because that's a lot of like quite mainstream things to be doing to be going to like those big companies like Disney and Nickelodeon what did you see at that age that your career I guess would turn into I kind of always knew that I would fall into mainstream media because like that's always what I wanted to do yeah was either like to sing or dance or act so I think I always knew that was my end end end goal I wasn't really sure how I was going to get there I kind of just thought that being online and having an online presence doing YouTube would just help me right I think I kind of just took it more in the moment like let's work hard today then hopefully at some point I'll get there yeah and these cool things will come along and whatever it might be you left school after that point did you go straight into doing YouTube full-time online like I said I didn't really even do the last year of school like I celebrated like all of my friends on the last day but I mean I was rarely there yeah because I was just so busy and also I guess this probably isn't the best mindset to have but I was just kind of in the headspace of what is the point in going to my science class when quite frankly I will never do anything to do with science and like the options that I chose in school was just so terrible like I chose triple science and I don't even enjoy it so I was like what is the point of me going to this class when I've been making a video at home and it was a time where although vlogging was big it was more like challenges and like trendy stuff that people would do so as well as me vlogging seven times a week I'd also do like two extra like extra videos and normally it was acting it was like skits I'd look I'd look like they're the worst things but yeah so like it would take me sometimes a week or like three days to like make these videos because I'd like act out different characters and like scenarios yeah yeah and if you could go back and talk to you I guess at that age before you've left school you're obviously like your concentration shifting away from school a bit what would you have told yourself I would probably say don't care so much what people think of you I got so much sick in school and I still carried on because I did care like there were days where I'd come home crying like I remember there was this trend at the time I'm sure you remember like what's in my bag and I remember I did like a what's in my school bag and I got into class and everyone around me is going I'll suggest what's in your school bag like taking the piss so like there were times where I would cry but I still didn't let it you know yeah get the best of me because I'm still here and I still carried on but I probably would have said you know it's gonna be all right like it is worth sticking to it and doing what you're doing and so when you left school and you concentrated on going full-time what did those next few years really look like for you because obviously I mean it's been seven years since you left school is that right oh god you're so old and and during that time what were kind of the first few years like I felt like although I had less followers than I do now I felt like I had more followers then than I do now like they I'd say from like the age 17 to 20 were like the craziest years of my life like now my life feels so much more tame than it did back then I was taking up every opportunity I could ever get and also because there was less people online at that point people really fangirled over youtubers like any youtuber because there wasn't really many of them right so it was a way bigger deal so I remember I had three collections in Primark I think I was 17 18 19 when they came out and that was like crazy and then I went on a book tour I did a tour for all the Primark collections so basically I was doing everything I was like here there and everywhere and it was just crazy and were you happy throughout that time like was it exactly what you had envisioned it would be I got to a point where like I did hit burnout towards the end because it was so much like it was so full-on and also where I was vlogging my life every single day I got to a point where I felt like people thought they knew me better than I knew myself and I definitely got to a point where I'd overshared so much so although it was amazing throughout those years I just hit a point where I was like oh my god people are expecting so much of me like if I didn't upload at a certain time because I would always upload at four o 'clock every day and if I didn't upload at four o 'clock like I would get abuse like so much abuse like you're two minutes late or you're five minutes late I can't believe you like you're not that into it anymore you forgot about us like yeah it was it was just a lot yeah I can imagine that is a lot of pressure and I also can imagine when your following would be a little bit younger it's these kids who are at school who love you so much and they're saying it out of like love and frustration for the fact that they can't watch a video and they want to watch a video but it is also like that younger audience always is I guess like a little bit more intense in that way so it definitely has like the benefits of that in terms of you know that's an amazing audience to have like supporting you but I can imagine also would have been pretty stressful at times yeah and and how did that affect your mental health yeah it affected it quite badly to be fair I mean again I was so lucky because I had such an amazing support system like being my family and also my family very slowly were becoming online themselves so luckily I had them my life evolved around the vlogs that was the difference like now when I'm vlogging I'm just vlogging genuinely what I'm doing like some days are amazing some days aren't but then it'd be like right what are we going to do tomorrow for the vlog and everything evolved around what we're going to do for the video to the point where my whole family was like had to do this too you know I'd be like everyone come on we all have to go to the trampoline park where no one wanted to go but we'd just do it for the video it was just emotionally just quite draining at one point and then that's kind of when I decided to take a step back and not vlog every single day so I'd love to hear what that really felt like like what those signs were that you were really like hitting that point and how that kind of manifested and like what types of feelings you were having at that point I guess I just felt like I was having to like play up to a character that I wasn't and also when I was filming myself obviously I was getting older like all of us there was constant that like you've changed there was that constantly right and so I felt like would you hope so you're growing older like you're getting older like obviously everyone changes in life but um there was a lot of that and that really affected me I just felt like I was having to be someone I wasn't anymore I think that just took a toll on me I felt like I was just evolving my whole life around literally what other people thought of me I think a lot of the realization came when like people would come up to me and I love meeting people even to this day like people do just sometimes just come over and hug me which is really nice but like sometimes I'd be like whoa like introduce yourself first because I'm thinking do I know this person yeah there's a conceptual side of it for sure I think I just felt really drained and I was just exhausted and then sad and I didn't want to do it and then it just became such a chore so you decided to take a step back how did you talk to your following about that I don't really think it was anything mentioned.

20:11I think I was probably too scared at the point to even mention that. So I think it was just something I just gradually stopped doing.

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21:33You'll also get a designated academic coach who's with you throughout your entire program. Plus, career coaches are available to help you navigate your professional goals. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at capella.edu. you and I'd like to talk a little bit about you having a very public relationship at that time could you talk a little bit about the experience of I guess even just like from the beginning of deciding you were going to share your relationship I'm sure it was probably like an automatic thing at the time yeah yeah and how that I guess grew from that point well with my boyfriend when I first started out obviously he was doing the same thing as me I don't even think we really thought about it it never really affected me in any way when I was that age I was so used to sharing my life online it was so exciting even like my last relationship that I was in at this age I shared it online as I've got older it's definitely a whole different experience to what it was like when I was younger and what did you find I guess particularly tough about it in the most recent one I guess in comparison to then again I think it goes back to people thinking they know you're like your relationship better than I did.

22:49Also, it's hard, isn't it? Because we all know we only film like 15 minutes of our day. And I wouldn't really care if somebody ever makes a comment about me. Like I'm very thick skin. I'm used to it. I've done it for so many years. But I think when you're throwing your boyfriend into that limelight, it's a lot for them to take on. And my boyfriend was not like on social media. He did not do that at all. And so to get him in on that, and then for him to get I don't know people commenting on him you know what he looks like what he does what he sounds like everything like that I felt like I had to take that on as well because it was like my responsibility um so that just caused a lot of stress and also as well when he would go out in public he would now get recognized like his whole life was so different um like he'd constantly get asked for photos and people would know who he was and he never asked for that and I kind of threw him into it and how was your first breakup that you had in the limelight oh awful that was the worst thing ever it didn't end very well there was a lot of like rumors and stuff that my boyfriend had cheated on me and obviously everyone was so invested because you know we'd shared a whole relationship online and I was so heartbroken like I literally had my heart like every 13 14 year old when they're in a relationship thought I was gonna marry the guy so I was absolutely heartbroken and then on top of that I had a million people giving their opinions on who had cheated on who and who had done what and who's in the wrong I mean there was like youtubers giving their opinions on it and like videos about it and it was just yeah it was actually crazy looking back because I don't even think people would do that now like I just don't know that's the thing like I feel like YouTube bed although it was smaller felt so much bigger because I think there was just less people to be invested in thankfully a lot of people ended up seeing you know really what had happened and I actually did get a lot of support and a lot of love from it really it was the best thing that ever happened because it just pushed me to just go on by myself and become my own person so and how old were you when that happened god I don't know we were together for two years right so I don't know yeah 16 I guess so and how did you deal with your I guess your mental health at that time were you sharing your going through that breakup in terms of like times when you were sad times when you're kind of processing of it do you know what I shared a lot of my life when I was sad but I don't really think I did share much of the breakup right it was really too close to the bone like I was so heartbroken yeah I still didn't want him to get hate because I just know how awful social media could be so if I sat there was like yep the rumors are true this that and everything else I knew that he would get so much hate and I just don't think anyone deserves that like no matter what you've done like I just wouldn't wish that upon anyone so I also didn't like say anything for that reason so I actually kept really really quiet about the whole thing which probably dragged it out longer really because everyone had a million questions but yeah I mean I was so so heartbroken I lost so much weight like I was the tiniest I've ever been in my life you know what it's like when you go through a breakup yeah it affects like your whole world right oh 100 % yeah of course and I want to talk about that point I guess you know you say it was like a bit of a springboard for yourself to go out on your own and a few years later you have a bit of time off for or you know just stopping daily vlogging and all of that after that point how did you get back into it and like how did you protect I guess your boundaries in order to make sure you weren't burning out again did you throw yourself right back into daily blogging or well I never really fully stopped I think that was the thing I never stopped I just stopped doing it as much as I was like what I was doing was just so much I guess I just would upload when I wanted to upload I just had a realization moment of like okay I'm not really doing this for me anymore there was days where I would film when I didn't want to film but it's also my job so like people go to work every day when they don't want to go to work like I'd still have to do that but I just kind of got to a point where I was like this is a lot it's taken a lot of my mental health so I guess there wasn't really a moment where I was like right I'm gonna get back at it again there was never really that so talk to me about from that point that timeline to the point that you went on strictly I want to hear a little bit about I guess what what happened in between that time what stage your career was at how you were kind of feeling at that time before you obviously got catapulted very much into the mainstream there wasn't really any like time in between that and strictly that I was doing anything different like I was still uploading every week just not as much doing the same thing I was just really lucky with how I got Strictly I got told like very close to the show airing definitely a surprise there was nothing like major that happened in my life before I got that show that did change my life so so let's talk about that how did you find out that you got Strictly okay so for some context I always always watched Strictly I absolutely love the show like I said I've always wanted to sing dance act I had said to my management my dream is to go on Strictly like please please please and I knew that they had other people that had gone on Strictly before a week later I got a phone call saying we've got you a meeting with the guys from Strictly and I literally couldn't believe it I was like I'm gonna get Strictly like I just know it's gonna happen then had like an audition and stuff and didn't hear back for a couple of weeks and then I just got told okay so like if you get it you'll get a phone call but if not then you won't I knew a day that I would find out but I um and I probably would get a phone call my manager said that like you know she'll let me know if I get it or if I don't get it like she'll find out and I remember I just left the gym just got out of gym class the whole time I'm thinking oh no this is the first time I've thought maybe I'm not going to get it now because we really haven't got that long and also my like personal manager rather than the manager that owns my whole company like she was the one that was going to call me and then I get a phone call from like the head of our company and I thought well this is great I've not got it so I picked up and and he actually played that I hadn't got it he was like oh so yeah I know he was like so I just thought I would call you rather than Rebecca just to let you know because you know it's quite a big deal like I'm really sorry to let you know and then it's like but you're on Strictly oh my god the way that I cried was like crazy so then I did the same thing to my family pretended I didn't get it what was the audition like like what did you have to do for the Strictly audition um well there was actually two auditions one you had to dance with a pro dancer I got Graziano and he's the nicest guy ever but he's so tall and I was just thinking oh my god like this is this is really like quite scary and intimidating like oh my god so I had to dance with him for like 45 minutes and just do whatever he made up so that was like one of the auditions I was the the youngest contestant they'd ever had so I was like I have a lot to prove that I can do this sort of thing yeah the second audition was with three people that was there like the cast and director and then the head and whatever else and it was honestly just like a really in-depth interview um about my life and then also why I'd want to go on the show just normal strictly questions which thankfully I could answer because I was a fan of the show like what was your favorite dance who who and a lot of it was who would you want and so that at that point obviously that is a huge career changing thing to land did you have any thoughts about I guess when it was coming up to the point that it was airing about how much that would change your career obviously for the better but also I can imagine a lot more negative attention as well so I was terrified before I got announced not really for the fact that it was like gonna change my life or anything like that for good or bad because I think I always thought that's what I would do at least I like to believe it so that you know hopefully I get there I think it absolutely terrified me because influencers have the worst stigma the worst name for ourselves and back then there wasn't really many people doing it and so I was just terrified as to how people were gonna act and respond to me going on the show it's crazy because like even when I get opportunities to this day I get so excited about them and then I'm like great and then here comes all the trolling and all of this and it's it's actually really sad because like I get good news and then I'm like great but now I'm gonna get so much hate there was a lot of that like there was a lot of people that was like she doesn't deserve to go on the show like youtubers shouldn't be on shows like this and blah blah blah I guess it's more normal now but even still like a youtuber going on mainstream is still gonna get like a lot of crap yeah and so I think that's the thing that I was terrified of and I know why because I got so much hate yeah yeah and how did you deal with all the hate I think I was just really lucky with the support system I had around me and also I think it just again drove me to prove myself and also I knew that all these people that were giving me hate although yeah there might have been people that watch my channel it was mainly from people that didn't watch me so didn't know me as a person and I think I thought okay well it's a live show so all I want to do is get across my personality and who I am and so aside from my job people could hopefully like me for me because I like to think that I'm a good person so if anything I think it just drove me to work hard and I think prove people wrong do you feel like throughout the process that you were doing strictly do you feel like you did prove people wrong I like to think so yeah I mean now I look back at that and I think oh I'm so young but like obviously at the time I didn't feel like it but yeah I definitely like to think so so and how much did your life change from that point of going on strictly absolutely massively um because obviously before it was people my age that would watch me whereas now like you know people my age would come up to me but also some of their parents and their grandparents and like that was just crazy also I had never like been papped before there was actually perhaps going through our outside bins at the time to like try and dig up dirt and like I would have people knocking on my family members doors like cousins and stuff like that to like try and get information to sell information on me so at the time like it was so intense yeah yeah now although it has changed my life because you know I'm seen as you know in the mainstream media and I've had so many other tv shows from it which is amazing it doesn't feel like it's changed my life that much you know I still feel like I'm doing the same thing I was then which is really nice but like yeah at the time it was just mental yeah and how did you deal with that in terms of the press and like I'm sure there were some stories I'm sure there were some that weren't true I'm sure you know how did you feel when those types of stories came out yes there definitely were some stories that were completely made up like you said anyone can make up anything right and there were stories that were sold on me that were completely made up and I didn't deal with them well at all like I was an emotional wreck because how can you like prove something like how can you prove that something's fake and I was constantly having to do that whilst training every day and I was training 10-12 hours a day and you know my heart should have been on the training but then And also like people were doing anything they could to try and sell stories on me.

34:09Like I even remember, and I will never forget this, there was a bully at my school and she was absolutely vile. Like, I mean, every single person in our school was terrified of her. Like she'd beat people up. I remember like she wrote this whole thing, like Saffron was a bully in school, blah, blah. And like every single person that knew me was like, oh my God, how dare she? Because also at the time in school, like I was the only girl that would ever stick up to her. But there was this one point she was beating this little kid up in a corridor. And I was like the only person that like had stopped her.

34:40And so she just obviously held it like held that against me. And so when she thought, all right, I can have my moment and self-sync on her, she decided out of anything to make out that I was a bully, which is the last thing I would ever be in my life. That was really hard. I didn't deal with it well. But thankfully, I had an amazing team around me that eventually got out papers, but it still was there. So that was still really hard to deal with. and how have you improved I guess dealing with those things like when you see them pop up you see them come in I'm sure they have the capacity to ruin your entire day or week or whatever it might be how do you deal with that hate I guess in that way now honestly just block it out because all these people that are giving you hate genuinely just want it for attention and likes and retweets and I think the really sad thing about social media nowadays is if you make a negative video about someone or even if I made a video where I'm crying versus where I'm really happy well the one that's going to get more views is the one that I'm crying just like if you make a video saying so-and-so's a horrible person rather than so-and-so's a really nice person like you know which ones the negative is always going to get more views cancel culture and that whole thing is just so big right now because it literally is just getting someone popular for a day and it's it's really sad I've just learned to not respond not comment on it and just block it out which is obviously easier said than done what are you currently manifesting what do you see for yourself I guess as your kind of big goal your future well I've always wanted to be an actress and so I've just been really working on that I think that's one of my biggest goals at the moment just because it's something I've always enjoyed always kind of done like you know when I was younger I would always go to acting classes and stuff and so even when I started YouTube I was doing skits like acting videos so I feel like it's always been there but I've never really had the time to like focus on it so I think that's definitely something that's like a huge goal of mine my dream in life like this is you know future hopefully would be to like live half my life in the US and half my life here that would be like a massive dream of mine so I live in Brighton but I also live like in the countryside I don't know I still love home like I think I'd love to go to the US because I love that whole like busy lifestyle and also I'd love to go there for my career there's so much happening but also I always want to run back to home and I could never be away from my parents and my grandparents and my nieces and my nephew I just love my family too much so as much as I'd love to do that I just don't think I'd be able to do that also I'm very independent but I don't think like living alone in another country like I just don't think I would enjoy it really so yeah oh well thank you so so much for coming and speaking to me today I have loved hearing all about your story um and I also can't wait to see where you go thank you I know manifesting tips I know I know but I always I do feel like it is really important just like those big ones it's so easy and satisfying just to put down like the quick ones like it's much easier to do that and to be able to kind of like tick them off quicker feel like you're progressing but actually without those like north star like big ones where you're just really like aiming towards in that way I think it's hard to you know even know what the little ones should be you do have to have I think as well people think that like manifesting is like praying every night before you go to bed like I'm gonna make this happen I'm gonna make this happen when it's not really that I think it's just yeah having your goal so clear and then figuring out how you want to get there really it's just a way to to you really have to see your end goal right to see if it's like to make it so I think that's really what manifestation is isn't it so yeah but small goals to get there amazing well thank you so much thank you

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