Why your glow up isn’t working (and how to actually do it) with Dr Ewoma

0:11What is up? I'm Grace Beverley and welcome back to Working Harder. the podcast shaped guidebook on how to improve your own life and achieve what you actually dreamed of doing because life's too short for boring podcasts and bad advice.

0:25So I've always liked the idea of glowing up but I think the way we talk about it is kind of broken. It's always the same products, routines, checklists and yet so many of us don't properly glow up as a person. Like we might still feel insecure or overwhelmed or unsure of ourselves and if I am being honest, a lot of the glow up content online only exacerbates that. It feels like a glow up is specifically an external view of what you look like and how you grow over time rather than truly what it should be, which is getting to where you want to in your life and being the type of person that you want to be and improving your mindset and all of these different things.

1:04I feel like personally over the past few years, I've had to work really hard on my own self-confidence and self-assurance and I don't think we talk enough about how difficult that actually is. Even when you're someone who's built self-trust and who knows that like when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do something. There are still days where you can doubt yourself so easily. So for me this year continuing to learn to be more self-assured was a genuine resolution and I wanted to create an episode about what can actually help make that happen. And this isn't just about being kinder to yourself but this is about being more disciplined.

1:33This is about understanding where you want to get in life, being able to draw a line between how to actually get there and what your mindset needs to look like to actually get there. So I wanted to have this conversation with someone and I wanted to make sure I was getting advice at the same time as you were getting advice so that we can all go on this journey and genuinely feel like we are getting closer to the type of person we wanted to be. And when I think of glowing up and confidence and coming from a place of self-assurance, there is one person I follow who I think about when I say that and that is Dr.

2:03Owoma. I have followed her for years. So I originally followed her for everything about skincare and then just over time I was like god this is a person who is she knows what she wants she knows how to build herself and her mindset and I wanted to get like a drop of that confidence and that advice I also feel like this is not something that she was born with I've followed her for years and years and I've seen it develop over time and so I really wanted us to be able to have a discussion together about how to genuinely glow up internally and externally what that looks like in terms of your mindset, what that looks like in terms of your habits.

2:40Not just glowing up externally, not just talking about when you're going to the gym or whatever it might be, but how can you create a genuine lasting glow up so over the next few years you look back and you think, god I have grown so much closer into the type of person I want to become and that is something I'm very much aiming for and I've got closer and closer each year but there's still work to do. So I'm very excited for this conversation, I'm very excited to have this conversation with the person I would most like to have it with and in case you don't know about Dr. Awoma, she is a medical doctor, she's a skincare expert and she is the person who comes up most on my feed when talking about things like boundaries and confidence and mindset.

3:13So if you feel like you're doing a lot but not seeing the results you want, this episode is about tightening things up so that we can actually get to where we want to get to and profit off the work we've done over the past few years without just accepting that like I'm this type of person or these are my types of traits if you want to change them. So all I have left to say is to make sure you are following the podcast so new episodes land every single Monday and let's get into it.

3:41Dr. Uwema Ukulege, are you currently more working hard or hardly working? I'm absolutely working hard, let's be honest, I'm a workaholic. Just like you. It's so true, two workaholics sit down to talk about why they feel confident and how to feel more confident. Is that your only setting? Because I feel like I have a view of you from social media as someone who's, well, I've followed you for a long time and I've loved your content for a long time and when we were thinking about this conversation I was like I know exactly who I want to talk to about this I feel like my perspective of you and your work is like you are for your work you are for your career you know what you want to build but at the same time you've got very good boundaries that's the impression I have of you I'm so glad that I'm giving out the right impression because I would say that's 100 % me through and through um you know I do have my baby girl moments.

4:30Like I do love to live life, have fun, traveling about the place. I feel like low key, my nickname is, you know, Dora the Explorer. She's been dually pering. Oh, yeah. Like I'm everywhere but London half the time. Do you blame me, to be honest? But anyway, yeah, I'm half. Yeah, I'm always kind of bouncing around. And I think that's just the way that my mind, my body works. Like I love to be in that sort of exploration mode and just feel free. And I feel like that really ties in beautifully with my work and inspiring me. And I feel like as someone who's followed you for a while, it's clear how you've worked towards that.

5:05Because I think it's very easy to listen to people who have the life that you want to have. Like someone might be listening to this and be like, well, I would love to be not in London half the time. But it's been so clear, like watching you grow into that and also then formulate what you want from life. because something I go back and forth on the whole time is like do I want to reach my full potential or do I want do I realize that that is like that goalpost is always going to move and therefore I want to be able to have a bit of soft girl life in between and I go back and forth on that the whole time like I'll sometimes go to soft girl and then I'll be like I'm actually not fulfilled and this is not fun for me and at the same time I then go back to being like workaholic and I'm like the end is never in sight because the end doesn't exist like the as I said the goalposts keep moving how do you how have you like found that balance if you have and as your career has built and as your practice has built and your following has built how have you managed to like work out really what you want versus like workaholic or being able to sit back a bit yeah oh my god it's funny because it's definitely been like a journey I wasn't always baby girling and living a soft life especially in my early 20s so I qualified as a doctor when I was 23 and good god I was a bald bitch the junior doctors the resident doctors out there will understand what I'm talking about like you are just working like a dog you know like super long hours and yeah I feel like that was really like my kind of first sort of I guess class in like work ethic and I feel like if you can survive an environment like that like you can truly survive anything and so yes I feel like for years and really for the majority of my 20s I just worked insanely and definitely at times and even looking back now I'm like god like I probably missed out on a lot of things that an average 20 year old should really enjoy but do I regret working hard absolutely not because now in my 30s I'm enjoying so that's why I really do encourage women in their 20s yes have fun definitely explore that's what the 20s are all about but hustle work hard and let's not shy away from that if you want that baby girl life if you want that soft life you need to work hard like one funds the other like there's no shortcuts obviously you can get a sponsor you know love that for you you know I want one too but like even aside even when you have a sponsor like you need your own bag like you need your own money so yeah that's something that I always advocate for yeah and I think that one thing I worry about with social media at the moment is there is this real desire to shortcut to that end goal in a way that I don't think is realistic when something you want isn't actually realistic you're much more likely to become apathetic towards it or feel like it's impossible rather than just understanding okay this isn't realistic in three years but it is realistic in 10-15 years and I just need to work to that instead I think that you know I worry that this obsession with shortcutting everything is really going to harm people because yeah you can go and like there's absolutely nothing wrong with going freelance but going freelance after a year of work somewhere is not going to have taught you everything you needed to know and actually then is often going to come back and bite you later like I really believe that in your 20s you should be learning as much as possible on your employer's money like if you can do that please do that and build yourself a basis and build yourself a fund and build yourself the ability to have more flexibility but I truly believe unless you like strike gold and get incredibly lucky which most people who've been super successful young like the only reason I'm here and got here quickly is because like I struck a gold mine at the beginning of my career and that fast forwarded things it is not realistic to expect to do this this and this before 30 and I just I worry that this idea that you have to get to this end goal so young means that we're thinking about our career in like a five-year span rather than the reality for most people which is that we're going to be working for 40 50 years oh my god so much i can say there i think first of all everybody needs to calm the f down and just slow down like you know i think definitely the internet has made people to believe that oh my god you need to be an overnight success if you're not hitting like forbes 30 under 30 or somehow failure just calm just calm down slow down like yes I believe in urgency but also anything good takes time like I think we need to stop lying to people about that in general to be honest on the internet I think we lie to people and don't give people the hard truths of if you want anything good it takes time and it takes hard work and you can't shortcut hard work you know and obviously you know you mentioned about um luck even luck let's be honest you were lucky because you were working grace like there's no two ways about it you know one of my favorites online Ali Abdaal a quote of his I absolutely love and swear by is that you can essentially increase your surface area for luck right how can you increase your surface area for luck by putting the work in by taking those opportunities by taking risk you know exposing yourself to challenges etc that is how you get lucky like it is what it is um so yeah so that's what I'd say about all of that just anything good takes time.

10:41Luck isn't really actually luck. You know, and even for me, like, as I've said, you know, I've been qualified now for 10 years. I know for some people, my career might seem like an overnight success, but it really hasn't been. And even prior to the 10 years of being a qualified doctor, I was studying for five. So really, this journey has taken 15 years. So yeah, it's a process. I'm a big believer in hard work and risk taking on the side. Like what you can see from your career, particularly over the past 10 years is you've done that graft and hard work and that's not stopping but at the same time you've taken stabs at different things on the side and that with the surface area of luck thing to me that's where it really comes in you increase your propensity to be in the right place at the right time and I think that there's too much encouragement to jump and like take a leap of faith to do xyz when you're 23 I think that like I'm not discouraging that it feels really rich for me to discourage that when obviously I was in the position to do that but at the same time I when I was early on in my career I was also at university so I wasn't really taking a leap of faith because realistically had it all gone tits up at the end of university I would have just gone and got a grad role and I think that that I think that's exactly what's problematic about it is that it's actually so unrealistic that most people can take a leap of faith in their 20s like realistically most people do not have the funds and the safety net to be able to do that and therefore as you say this like the content that performs best is the content that says you need to do these three steps and you're going to be a millionaire and actually we have to start thinking about our career in longer term plans because when you start thinking about it in longer term plans you start getting a more realistic view and a more exciting view because not everything needs to be done by tomorrow and I think it's so easy to try and skip like steps two to nine and realistically steps two to nine is what builds the foundation for actually being at step 10.

12:38No I absolutely agree and again there's so much I can say here something that I feel very passionate about also the thing is okay let's start with risk and the concept of risk you know this is something a concept even that I really battled with in my 20s as I was kind of at the start of my journey. Let's be honest, a lot of what we see as risk isn't actually risk, you know, for a lot of us. Again, I'm not speaking on everyone's circumstances or whatever have you, of course, there's nuance in what I'm saying. But often risk isn't as risky as what we think it is. Let's be honest, like we're in the Western world, we're very privileged, whether we're towards the bottom or the top of the food chain, like, life could be very different if we were from a different part of the world.

13:21Let's be honest, right? So that's the first thing that we all need to remember. And for me, when I was thinking about the process or even the concept of risk in my journey, I was like, okay, do I leave my NHS career or do I stay? And I was like, well, if I take the leap of faith and leave my NHS career, and for whatever reason, it doesn't work out, what's the worst that could happen? I'll just have to go back to a place I don't like, but I'll still get paid. I'll still have a roof over my head. I'll still be able to feed myself. there's no risk and the reason you were able to do that as well was because you properly built that safety net you didn't just jump to the nearest shiny thing like you didn't leave exactly the same reason I didn't leave university just because something good was happening for me it's like you build that basis so that whether your safety net is financial or whether your safety net is the fact that you're in a job where you're qualified and then people will always take you like there are different types of safety nets and I feel like your career is a great example of how you can build one in a certain way so you can allow yourself to take greater risk.

14:25And for people who don't know what you do now and kind of how your roles evolved over time, could you talk to us a little bit about, yeah, what your day to day looks like, what your job is now, what perspective are you speaking from? Yeah, sure. It's funny whenever I always, you know, have to sort of describe what I do because half the time I'm like, what do I even do? I'm joking. I do a lot. I essentially just get paid to be myself. That's the long and short of it. But essentially what I do now is that I do a combination of different things. So first of all, you know, I have my clinical practice.

14:59That's definitely kind of more on a minimized side where I'm doing many skin consultations because what's taking up a lot of my time now is all of the exciting work that I do with global skincare brands. So, you know, I've worked with everyone from the Medicates, the L 'Oreal, the Charlotte Tilbury's, everyone in your beauty skincare cabinet, I probably work with them. and that's really just lending my expert voice in terms of supporting product launches even consultancy which is a real thing that I absolutely love with brands and then when I'm not busy with that I'm also contributing editor for L UK and then also you know just working on my other side projects too.

15:33Always making things happen. That's just who I am I just I have to work yeah but you know what half the time it doesn't even seem like work because I just genuinely love what I do to the point every day I'm like wait how am I still getting away with this like I love doing this I'm just getting paid to just turn up and just talk and just I don't know like just do things that I love like I just feel genuinely so so blessed and lucky and I'll be honest I didn't always feel that way like you know at the start of my career working in the hospital I felt bloody miserable I was low-key depressed not low-key I was high-key depressed you know I was just so So I was in a real dark place and I hated my life.

16:16And, you know, to your earlier point, you know, when people are making real leaps of faith in their life and really deciding to take risks or not, fundamentally, what you need to be clear in your mind and really what is going to push you over the edge, the edge being into your success, is how bad do I want this? I think a lot of people struggle with things like motivation and, you know, how to be more organized and how to be more confident. Yeah, great. Let's talk about it. But the problem is, is that you're not desperate enough. Like you actually need to be desperate. You need to hate your life circumstance so much that you're like, whatever it takes, I'm going to do it.

16:59And I think that's just that's been my secret. Yeah. No, I think that, I mean, I definitely see that. And I think that that's something that we can definitely draw a parallel between lots of highly motivated and disciplined people that we have on this podcast is not having drive wasn't an option. and whether that's from a perspective of people who grew up you know without having electricity on all the time or whatever it might be to people who just really want to live a good life and don't take no as an option it that seems to be a parallel that is between most highly motivated people it's not an it's not artificial like the the or the discipline at least is built out of that but the motivation is not artificial it's something that they've just like there is no choice I'm going to get to this place whatever it looks like I'm going to get to the place where my lifestyle looks like this and I think that that is you know we know that good is the enemy of great and therefore it's easy to get comfortable without actually getting to where you want to get to and that's more than fine too like if you realize that actually at one point you wanted to get to this summit and you realize actually do you know what I don't want half the shit that comes with being there that's fine too but I think the important thing is understanding which of those points do you want to be at and as you say how bad do you want it and what are you going to do to actually get there because if you say to yourself over and over I want to be here I want to be here and your week doesn't reflect that like if I looked at your schedule if I looked at what you're doing with your day and what time you get up and what time you go to sleep and all of that I'd be like like if I'd look at that and be like I don't think you do actually want that then I think that's the disconnect that's an issue it's like you have to know where you want to get to and you have to make sure your life's reflective of that or maybe reconsider where you actually want to get to and like that feels as simple as it is no I totally agree and I think first of all as you say you know people need to be very clear on what they want out of life and I think that was the real sort of linchpin for me in my early 20s I was very clear and very sort of unashamed about what I wanted in my life you know even down to the kind of mum I wanted to be again don't ask me why I was thinking about that at 23 I think a real signal of the kind of person that I just actually am I'm just naturally a very deep person but you know to the T I was like what do I want my day to look like what do I want my life to feel like really focusing and being clear on that um and I think when you're clear on that everything else just sort of flows through that you know but it's definitely a commitment that needs to be made that I'm going to keep going until I achieve that you know and even um you know as I was saying to you earlier with the whole sort of um like trend online right now of just sort of reflecting back on where you were 10 years ago and this weekend I was going through my camera roll like looking at how my life used to look like in 2016 just looking at that oldie woman I was like oh my god who is that girl like I was like oh my god just yeah it was so funny because you know just looking at pictures of myself back then I was like I knew I was struggling with the way that my wig looked like it was giving AliExpress like$50 bundles but you know I made it cute I made it work um it was fucking awful but um but yeah um and even just sort of watching videos of of me 10 years ago too even just the way I sound I'm like this baby and then to now and I'm like oh crap I think I've become the woman that I've always dreamed of oh crap I think I have the life that I've always wanted oh shit how did we get here but again it's that you know process that lengthy process that often challenging process of just putting the work in and time and that's exactly why I want to talk to you about glow ups because I feel like you you talk about glow ups in lots of different ways but as someone who's also followed you for a long time like I know you've been on a journey and like you've always like the reason I followed you is because I thought you were doing amazing and I thought you looked great and all of that and like wanted to wanted to kind of follow along on that journey at the same time like it's so clear that you've really embodied the type of person you wanted to become and and actioned that in so many different ways not just work but in terms of how you're living your life as you say like what your day-to-day looks like so I want to talk about what you feel like most people get wrong when they originally think of a glow-up because lots of the things we've talked about are probably not traditionally quote-unquote glow-up whereas there is so much content online being like do this do this do this and a glow-up and I think so much of it is purely aesthetic focus which obviously so happy to talk about and you've done great at too but I feel like it's so much more than that as well no I totally agree I think you know when people talk about the glow up there's definitely a real hyper focus on the external and yeah that's cute you know by all means you know level up your looks if you feel that that's what you need and to be honest I feel like if you want to glow up properly you do have to level up your outward appearance.

22:12However, it needs to start with the inward appearance. Like for a lot of us, we just have crappy mindsets. Let me be honest, just shitty, crappy mindsets. And if you don't address that, you can put in as much makeup, as much filler as you want. You're still going to get the same result in life. And this is why I'm a real sort of advocate for working on your mindset. And that's something that I really committed to in my 20s. Since roughly my mid-20s, I've had like weekly therapy. And for me, therapy's changed my life. And, you know, I often have people come to me and be like, you know, I want to, you know, do this in life or, you know, start this business in life.

22:52How do I do it? What do I do? And I'm like, baby, let's start with the mindset, you know, because the reason that, for example, you can't commit to something, the reason that you struggle with discipline is because your mindset is sloppy. Let's start there. And it's okay. You know, it's a process. It was even a process for me. So as I said, making sure that, you know, you're tapping into, you know, support services like therapy. You know, I'm a big believer of self-development books. If you're not much of a reader, you know, we have amazing resources on online, YouTube, you know, there really is no excuse now.

23:29So real emphasis on the mindset. And then once you improve on your mindset, you can then make shifts in other non-appearance aspects of your life, such as your environment. You know, really people overlook the importance of environment. Your environment can normalize good behavior or bad behavior. And so that's something that I take very seriously. and in terms of improving your environment that can be everything from you know depending on where you are in life improving what your bedroom looks like so then you feel better every day when you wake up or even to the more extreme and again you know I'm a real proponent of extreme measures in life if you want the best result you know move to a nice area for a lot of us you know again and I say this with compassion again please everybody move according to your financial situation of course but if you have the means to and side note a lot of us have the means to because we have the means to buy designer handbags but somehow not the means to make significant investments in our life different story for a different day but um going back to what I was saying um you know invest in moving to a nice area you know where your environment isn't chaotic um so those are just some of the ways that I think that you can really make real shifts in the glow up internally and what do you feel like that daily shift looks like in terms of habits and mindset when you're beginning that glow up because I think that it's I think first of all as I said I think a lot of people when looking at glow up focus like I could see the tick shock in front of me right now like it's it's I'm seeing some green vegetables I'm seeing some lemon water all of that big fan love love a lemon water not the crux of a glow up like realistically um so what does it actually look like on the day to day when you are someone listening to this and you're going great i'm going to glow up and i'm going to start with my mindset what does that actually look like what how am i changing my habits how am i changing how i think about things yeah let me be honest with you grace the green juice glow videos really irritate me i get it you know again this is what i mean the instant loves to lie to people you know distilling glowing up down to green juices and celery and yoga and like matcha love all those things don't get it twisted but I'm just like that is lazy I don't know I just feel like whenever I see you know content like that online I'm just like these people have not lived life they have no clue what they're talking about because they're just giving little girl advice you know let's let's let's give the home truths like let's come with the facts but going back to your initial question in terms of sort of the day-to-day changes that you can make aside from the things that I've mentioned I think the company that you keep the people around you in your life is a real sort of day-to-day change that people can really shift and make as a part of that having boundaries a lot of you guys don't know the concept of boundaries you need to learn them okay boundaries don't look at me I didn't mean to look at you I mean everyone um but no some of you need to learn the concept of boundaries you have no three what boundaries are you feel like boundaries are being rude who told you that you know crazy boundaries are there to save you from yourself boundaries are there to save you from people that don't you know mean well for you boundaries are there to preserve you of your energy that's the importance of boundaries So, and it may or may not be controversial, but I'm not the only person on the internet to be saying this, is I don't watch the news daily.

27:12I feel like that's the biggest shift that people can make in their day-to-day life. And I can hear the people screaming at me saying she's tone deaf, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, because the news that I need to find or need to hear, it will find me. Right? So, you know, I'm not living in a complete bubble, but I think, you know, there's enough in life to keep you anxious and stressed. You know, a lot of us are going through a lot of things in life. We don't need the daily news to exacerbate that, you know. And let's be honest, like hearing awful depressive news every single day, what is that doing to your subconscious?

27:49You know, no wonder you're constantly depressed. No wonder you're scared by your shadow. like because you're allowing this sort of input of negative energy every single day um so I guess you know even on that point just being very mindful with energies you know um sounds a bit hoo-ha but again it's something that I take very seriously yeah no I think I mean I think a big part of that is like having control over what comes into your life and what doesn't and what comes into your headspace I actually was thinking that this morning because I do check the news every day and it's like the first thing I go on in the morning like before I even go on whatsapp and that's because like I do like I want to be in the know but also like I really like long form articles so I was kind of trying to do that rather than doing social media and I do agree that then I like open the thing and it's like top five most terrible things happening in the world and it's like I can both care about that and also like information diet like I do not need that as my starter in the morning like my breakfast should not be like the world is ending and I think that it's I only really notice that when my life is generally heavier because of other things and I'm only kind of good about making sure I'm not absorbing that stuff when I'm just like I physically cannot deal with this right now like when I've been through grief when I've been through things that have been a lot harder to get through I've just been like do you know what I'm gonna to give myself a second to only care about myself like really sorry to everyone else but like I need a week of just dealing with me um but I think the rest of the time I'm so blasé about it and I agree I don't think it's good for me like and I think that you can you can find other ways of making sure you are up to date with things without giving yourself this constant fight or flight particularly time of day like I don't need to be doing that for Brooke.

29:41No I totally agree and I I think, you know, we just need to be, again, unashamed and comfortable with having periods of our life, regular periods of our life of just focusing on ourselves. Like, it's not a bad thing. You know, again, how can you pour into others if your cup is empty? Very true. And by consuming negative news, negative content, just general negativity, you are frying your nervous system. And I think this is where we, you know, each of us, we need to understand our nervous systems. you know, are you of a nervous system where, you know, you're easily sort of triggered, anxious, etc.

30:18Or actually, do you have quite a resilient nervous system, and just acting accordingly and not trying to pretend or force yourself into a box that you're just really not? Yeah, no, I think that's very true. And I think that that's what gets me a lot about TikTok at the moment, too, because I think so much of it is so negative. And I think that it's really easy to be dragged into negative things because it's like it's gossip or it's interesting or whatever it might be and it's like it's a lot of us are spending just as much time with that type of content as we would be with friends and we deliberately don't have super negative people who only talk shit about other people close to us all the time because that affects you and I just think that we don't think about information diets in the same way as we do like friendship diets and who we're really letting in I do think that's like a very good point in terms of you're always gonna feel like you're in competition with everyone else or like everyone's out to get you if all the content you're consuming makes you feel like that no for sure and this is why I'm very strict with my online feed you know I am very comfortable with the block button the mute button other such buttons she loves a button I love a button because if I'm seeing nonsense on my newsfeed you're gone like I don't need to consume this negativity every single day and I think you know again you know nothing wrong with people you know giving their point of view here and there you know life isn't always a bed of roses that's fine but just you know there's certain characters online where it's just every day is drama every day is negative I'm like baby no so essentially we need to get strict about curating our news feed um essentially if I can say this kind of creating like an online bubble of what you want to see and I don't mean that in an ignorant way but say if you are you know young women on an entrepreneurial journey making sure that your newsfeed is curated with female entrepreneurs or just entrepreneurs in general you know also your feed being curated with self-help or like self-care in order to counteract that sort of hard work hustle um about your life inspiration is useful but making sure your feed isn't always people at end goal because that's just going to make you feel apathetic to actually getting there like making sure if you're still in the grind phase making sure you have other people in that phase too because otherwise it's just so frustrating to like I had a period of time where I was only following people who'd like exited their businesses at hundreds of millions and then I was just like every day I was like still here and it's like of course you're still here it's been three days like you don't need to be looking at that every second of every day you need to be looking at people who are on the journey you are on or a few steps ahead of that or a few steps behind that like you don't need to constantly be looking at things so out of reach.

33:14It's the same way as like if you're vision boarding, don't put a fucking mansion on there if you haven't got your first apartment yet. Like that, it just, it's going to make you feel a disconnect between life and control and you need to build that connection so that you feel like you can actually affect anything that you ever go through. And I feel like a lot of this is linked to confidence and the ability to actually be self-assured and to know what to do next or how to protect your peace or how to create boundaries or how to understand what you really want from life how do you or how have you genuinely built that confidence over time like have you always been a really confident person absolutely not I don't believe it for a second like as it like not saying you're alive you just you're so you're so like self-assured and I really I really admire that because I am not a self-assured person like I can you can find a day where I'm like yeah fuck you and fuck you and fuck you like this is what this is what's happening you can also like I've said to you there are days where you could literally tell me my hair is black and I'd be like yeah no you are you are right like you're for sure right like I'm definitely wrong but how did you build that yeah it's funny because a lot of people you know when they meet me they're like oh my god you were born confident I'm like baby girl absolutely not like growing up oh my god I was a painfully awkward kid for sure lanky just yeah yeah it's been a journey let's say that but um one thing that I have always had though before I had confidence was I've always been very strong-willed just it's not even a stubbornness thing I just have a very clear sense of self yeah I would say that's something that I've always had and when I was a kid it was so strong I just often couldn't explain it I couldn't explain why I found it difficult to just do what everyone else was doing you know I'd question it I'd be like well I don't want to and that was that But in terms of cultivating confidence, it's definitely been a gradual thing.

35:25I feel like I only really reached that state of confidence in my maybe late 20s and not the artificial kind of confidence that the girls online talk about where it's like a checklist, like actual inner confidence. I think for me it's just been through life pounding me you know I've gone through a lot of hard stuff um you know a few years ago I lost a sibling suddenly and you know when you go through grief it changes your brain chemistry forever life is not the same in any capacity and it really sobers you you're like oh fuck life isn't what I thought it was so life isn't just this thing where someone that I love will just forever just be there oh you know and other such really hard realizations and I think when you go through such earth-shattering challenges and you overcome them thank god I overcame them that's what gives me confidence because I'm like if I can go through hell and back and I've been through hell and back a couple of times in my life with with different things not only that why won't I be confident like that's just and also I think it's a matter of through life you know I don't have to set the scene for everyone I don't have you know the bank of mum and dad waiting in the wings for me to rescue me at any given moment.

37:03So I am my plan B, you know, like something that I would always say to myself in my 20s when I was really, really hustling, well, I'm still hustling, but especially my 20s was sink or swim. Like there's no choice, you know, and I think when you get to that point in life, you have no choice but to be confident, you know? And if I can take it here for a quick second, you know, on that sort of grief theme, this is why I have a really random piece of advice where I say to people, if you've been fortunate enough to not have a loved one pass away in your life, go to a cemetery. Go to a cemetery, spend some time there and look at the tombstones.

37:52And you will see tombstones of people that are your age you know you know that are of your ethnic group that you know that look like you because sometimes obviously there's pictures on tombstones too and there's nothing greater that will sober you there's nothing greater that will be like fuck I need to get my fucking ass up and work you know I have no choice but to be confident because being in a state of self-doubt or questioning or scared or imposter syndrome, we don't have time for that. I'm like, you are going to die one day. We are all going to die one day. You know, God will, it's not going to be before our destined time, but we're going to die.

38:34So for me, when I went through that process of grief, a lot of the things that I used to worry about, you know, imposter syndrome, what if they don't like me? I don't care anymore. Like I literally don't care. Yeah, and I think that's, first of all, I think that's so powerful. I also think it's hard to hear when I think that people go one of two ways often when dealing with a big life kind of issue or something that shakes your understanding of yourself or your life or mortality. or any of these things, what advice would you give to anyone who's either going through something so big or who hasn't been through it so that they can be prepared for when they do to make sure that when something shakes you like that, you turn the right way rather than it's also easy to lose all kind of semblance of control over your life and thought that you can actually dictate what happens to you.

39:50Because when you're looking at something like that, grief, as you said, what you went through, so many people could have gone through that and just thought, life is so unfair, why am I trying to control everything? I might as well just not and just sit back and let it happen to me because it's going to happen anyway like how do we make the right decision at that point yeah definitely some of my nuggets of advice for people that are going through really hard stuff in life is first of all know and understand that it's a season it may not feel that way it may feel like life is over there's no way out but truly understand that it's a season.

40:29It might be a season for six months or even three years. You know, for me, it definitely took me, I would say maybe a year or two, maybe close to two before I started to feel like myself again. And the next thing I'd say is the only way is up, quite literally. I think this is almost the sort of bittersweet beauty of being rock bottom. The only way is up, like life can't get much worse than this. So anything beyond this is going to be a win. I think the next thing that I often meditated on when I was going through hardship is I'm not going to allow this to defeat me. If anything, I'm going to allow this to shape my story.

41:15I'm going to allow this to empower me and I'm going to use it as a vessel to help other people. And I think this is why in my friendship group, I'm often the resident counselor, the resident motivator just everyone comes to me when they want to be whipped up into shape yeah and you know and I think the fact that you know if you can go through stuff and you've made it to the other side you've not gone mad you've not you know been overcome by it which by the way if you have no it's okay I get it you know it's it's so much easier to be succumbed by hardship um so when I see people that have really gone left as a result of hardship I'm like okay I get it like that could have been me too um but instead I would challenge you to see to see such hardships as a challenge you know to see it as how can I get better how can I change my story this isn't going to be the end of my story if anything it's the beginning of a new chapter I think lastly for me also and something that I'd really advocate for people going through hard stuff is just relinquishing control I think difficulty in life makes you realize that you have no control over anything so the quicker you stop trying to control as much as it makes you feel better the better for you like you can't control shit and I think for me my source of of strength and power was definitely a higher power specifically God and praying and my faith because there's you know there's there's dark moments where you you know no matter how many self-empowerment podcasts and self-help books you listen to will it make you better you know at times you need more than that and that's where faith for me was really a big one yeah and I I think that's really powerful and kind of I think one one of the things that really stuck with me that you said there as well is that this wasn't again it wasn't an overnight thing like you said it was probably closer to two years until you were back to yourself or this new version of you who'd kind of been through that and I think again it's so easy to look at people and I mean even now like I get messages from people after sharing when we lost our baby like I get messages from people where they're kind of saying they're like you know like how like how are you back up and working and all of that and I think that it's it's a time thing it's a time thing and it's a processing thing and it's a like just because it looks like this doesn't mean that it's actually like things don't go back to normal and things that things aren't quick it's just allowing yourself like one of the biggest things for me was actually as you say just relinquishing control and controlling the controllables and be like well this is what I can have control over this is what I can't have control over and also just realizing that as you say it's a season not every season needs to be about getting to where you want to get to in life like some seasons I'm a big fan of like surviving rather than thriving sometimes just like one foot in front of the other turn up to work today do what you need to do go see your friends actually get to the gym because it makes you feel better whatever it might be it's like it doesn't need to be a quick process just because you look at people online and it feels like they're having a quick process around things no I totally agree and I think for me in that that two-year period it was really just doing everything that I could to reach a state of equilibrium and but at the same time I would say on the surface I probably look fine but that's just because people like you and I compartmentalize very very well but underneath it's like we're suffering we're struggling you know but just our temperament in life, who we are, our spirit, our being.

45:17We're just the kind that we just keep it moving. And also to add to the grief conversation too, you know, one thing that I absolutely hate with grief is when people say time is a healer. Oh my God. I think we need to add that phrase to the useless things that people say when people are grieving. Just absolutely redundant. What whenever I hear that phrase and people really like you know believe it I'm like well clearly you didn't love the person that much if you just need a couple of years to get over them no no no baby we're talking about real deep loss here time isn't going to heal shit what time does do is that it makes it easier to pretend I find you know I think there's that sort of metaphor of how you sort of grow around the grief that's also something that I really resonate with but it never leaves you you know I think you know for both of us we have moments where I don't know something we might see something in our day-to-day and we'll just lose it just out of the blue light oh my god where did this wave of emotion come from so yeah I think this pressure that people put on themselves that you know time is a healer I just need a couple years and I'll be fine no baby but again that's just advice for little girls that's not that's not how life works and one thing i found through going through hard things has been that i've somehow come out a more confident person based on the fact that annoyingly the more shit you go through the more shit you know you can go through and people stop being able to shake that sense of self so much because you know like you know I know I can do hard things I know I can get through hard things and I'm still here and I'm still fighting and I'm still you know showing up to work with a blow dry like you know give me some credit here how has I guess your experience of those hard things affected your growth as a person separately like what what do you feel like you've come out of that with more of or less of I think aside from confidence definitely tenacity um I just don't give up easily I'm stubborn in myself I'm stubborn with success I'm like until I reach that thing I'm not giving up like and I have a good maybe bad sometimes just way of really hyper focusing on my goals like that's all that matters sometimes but hey I guess it works because that's you know what's brought me to the position that I'm in today and that being said I feel like on the other hand there are certain insecurities that for me and I know for other people will crop up regardless of the amount of work that you do on confidence how do you learn to let go of those long-standing insecurities because I feel like no matter how hard I try there are some sure sense of self things that aren't good sense of self things yeah that's the thing insecurities are a very normal just course of life to be honest with you even me being confident I have my insecurities too let's not get it twisted right I think anyone that wants to say to you that then you know they don't have some capacity of insecurity is just lying um I think for me my approach is that I just don't focus on it sure you know yeah it crops up from time to time but like what's the point in focusing on your insecurities instead I'd rather focus on my strengths, my positives, the things I'm good at, you know.

49:06And I think this is why I'm a real advocate for people to know themselves, to get to know themselves, to do that inner work. Because again, speaking about careers and that sort of entrepreneurial journey, when you know yourself, you know how to sell yourself, you know. And when you know yourself, nobody can tell you shit, really and again i say that in a positive healthy way um but yeah no just a big believer in just knowing yourself and having that strong inner voice as a side note though what i will say is that beware it can rub people up the wrong way even when you're humble with it particularly with women oh god it's a very different story with compliments don't get me started i would love to get you started let me push the button the thing is as women we need to be comfortable people not liking us you know at times for me when people don't like me I love it like I'm just I'm gagging teach me because I'm like I'm doing something right because where I wasn't making any waves in life where I was playing it safe you know you're more agreeable right but when you're pushing the boundaries when you have an opinion, when you're really pushing the envelope, that's what people don't like you.

50:26That's fine. That's okay. Great feedback for me. Let's move on. And also I think what I really implore women to just really, if I can be insensitive, but sensitive at the same time to get over is again, this imposter syndrome conversation. I get it, baby. You're not the best speaker. You know, maybe your nose is a little bit wonky. Maybe your skin isn't as great as what you want it to be. Maybe not as qualified. I get it, baby. I have my hangups too. But let's get over it, you know, because what we need to realize is that this imposter terminology, which I get it. Again, I get it. But I often feel like it's just a redundant conversation.

51:07It's a conversation often that men, not even often, it's a conversation that men never indulge in. You would never hear a man say that I'm struggling with imposter syndrome because with a man, if he doesn't know how to do something, if he's actually technically not qualified to do it he's just going to do it anyway and he'll do it with his chest i think as well what you were saying about being comfortable with not being liked is something i've tried so hard and try every day to make sure like i literally rewire my brain with it every time i see some shit about myself or like whatever it might be i rewire it the other way to literally tell myself be like seems like you know seems like i'm ruffling some feathers whatever it might be it's not in my nature to want to ruffle feathers So, of course, that's going to like, I literally have to talk to myself in the mirror about it.

51:50But at the same time, I find it so interesting. And by interesting, I mean, silly that we know that there's a negative correlation between success in women and likability in women. So why aren't we as women all aiming to be disliked? Because surely if that is a marker of how successful you are, then we should almost be aspiring to it. If we know that's how it feels to society, the more successful we become, the less likable we become to literally everyone, to your friends, to people online, to people who are learning from you, whatever it might be. It is a direct negative correlation that is there.

52:29So like, at what point do we take back that power? And this is something I say to myself over and over again, like, you either need to choose to decide to stop wanting to be successful and stop working for that. Or you need to choose to be disliked and just know that I'm like, that's the hand you're dealt. No, 100%. And I think, you know, what I want to be doubly clear about is I'm not vilifying women for having these feelings and emotions. Yeah, no, of course. Again, like I have moments where I do doubt myself. Again, I'm not going to pretend about that, but I just choose to not focus on that.

53:04And like you, I pep talk myself all the time. And I think, you know, really the reason that women are, you know, so hung up on things like that. hung up just sounds so insensitive but i guess we should just probably add a disclaimer to this episode that i'm here to be straight talking yeah yeah oh 100 yeah um i'm not it doesn't resonate with you as with everything it's the fucking being soup thing all over again it's like if something doesn't resonate with you it doesn't need to resonate with you basically but but yeah i think obviously you know there's a real sort of behavioral conditioning of women in society.

53:37So we feel that way. We feel, you know, that we have to be liked and, you know, such political things like that. But this is why, you know, what I said to you earlier on with regards to, yes, have these conversations, but I don't want us to get hung up on intellectualizing them. Agree. You know, let's go back to what kind of life do I want for myself? How desperate am I? How hungry am I? How unhappy am I with my current state of life? And when you focus on things like that, forward thinking things like that, a lot of this stuff, you're just like, okay, it's there, but like, whatever, let's keep it moving.

54:21And if you find that you're in a space where you're one of one, where you're the first, yes, that's going to come with a lot of challenges. I'm not going to be stupid about that and say there's not going to be any challenges, but instead reframe it as this is a challenge reframe it as I'm leading the way here you know and I think that's what life is about and I always challenge myself to do the same you have to reframe things and also I think what that really made me think of was that I think having positive role models that you love their the way they approach things is so beneficial too in that way where you can like as you said we both pep talk ourselves and like you'll know your weaknesses you know your insecurities you know what you come back to like you know what your hang-ups are so find a person that you love the way they act in that way and literally when you're in those situations talk to yourself as if you are that person like I have that sometimes when you know as I said like I'll see some something negative about me or one of my businesses or like whatever it might be I will literally put myself in the headspace of the people I look up to and I'll be like what would this person think about this they get on with their day like they literally continue working and doing what they because they're clearly working towards their goals and I found that super helpful like when you know you come back to things again and again build yourself a response that you do to yourself to put yourself in a better headspace and over time you literally gaslight yourself into thinking the other way.

55:45No 100 % I'd 100 % advocate for that but also I would say you know what people need to understand is that when people are saying bad things about you online, in real life, criticizing you. Oh my God, her business did that. Oh my God, it's failing. Oh my God, whatever. How embarrassing is she? Those people saying that, have they done anything with their lives? Are they taking the bold risk that you're taking? No. Instead, they're in your comments, grown men in your comments, gossiping about a young woman. Really? in this economy? No, baby. Just, you're not even being paid for that. Meanwhile, for every comment that you're receiving, for every engagement, you're getting paid.

56:33That's the gag. So why are you stressed? Yeah, of course, you're human. Let it upset you for five seconds. But when I really rationalize things like that, I find it hilarious. Yeah. Because I'm still winning. I like it. You'll be one of the people I put in my little head. I speak to myself in the mirror in your voice. I feel like a big part of all of this as well that you've spoken about is boundaries. And from what I've seen of your content, it feels like you're greater boundaries. one particular boundary that I want to talk about is oversharing. Because I think that particularly as women, we have a couple of things in our arsenal that we know are going to increase connection between us and someone else.

57:21So what I mean by that is we as women are generally programmed to want to be likable and to want to have the right perception of ourselves or the right narrative for anyone we meet. And therefore there are things like oversharing that might be a default to us because we know they make people like us without necessarily serving us and that's one thing I've heard you talk about and I would love for you to explain that a little bit because I think that it's not actually something I've heard be talked about as a boundary the rest of the time because it's so not expected of us but it just feels natural.

58:01Boundaries boundaries my favorite topic of life uh boundaries will save you will preserve your energy will keep the bad out and the good in if you're not proficient in it i would suggest that you become proficient in it um particularly if you're a woman particularly if you're a woman of color um in terms of over sharing let's be honest again i'm giving you some big sis straight talking advice some of you talk too much. You need to stop talking. Okay. Again, we'd love a good chatterbox. We love a girl with the goss. Reserve that for people you trust. Reserve that for your besties. There's a time and a place.

58:47Right. Nothing wrong oversharing with your bestie. That's okay. But oversharing in the workplace, baby. And then they'll say, oh my God, I don't know why my contract got terminated. like stop talking and I think again this is one of the sort of behavioral conditionings you know of women in society for sure um you know the just our inherent well is it inherent is it environmental is it biological maybe a combination of both I think there's just this inherent thing that we have as women that if we overshare if we divulge information that will somehow create connection and yes to a degree whilst that's true but sometimes in the process it can make you look quite stupid so so yeah so I think just you know what I think what it fundamentally is is having self-control and I think obviously where you know biologically you might have you know struggles with that i.e you know if you're a little bit neurodivergent whatever I'm not talking to you that's fine you can't help it but where you can help it it's just down to self-control really and I think if you are ever tempted to overshare go get a diary right do some journaling every morning 30 minutes you'll feel great you know if you have to just get that thing off your chest and it's really itching you go call your bestie get it out or even better like me i pay for someone to listen to my oversharing and they have to right like go get a therapist does wonders i think that what really stands out to me because obviously like different people will have different levels of what they want to talk about what they're comfortable talking about what their friend group talks about like i hold so dear my close friend group that we can literally sit there and talk about like our deepest darkest like whatever it might be and help each other on it.

1:00:45I think that what's really stood out to me is like about what you've said is about understanding what's actually serving you and what you're doing because you think it's going to make other people like you. And there's a big difference between that. It's not about not doing what works for you in friendship because you know it works for you. It's like understanding why when after each night out you like are in bed the next morning being like, why did I tell people that? Like, why was I? And you know why you're doing it. You're doing it because you want people to like you when you want to build connection like that's very noble and it's so understandable because i mean i do this but it's like again it's just understanding and growing with every single year and understanding more about yourself every single year that you know in a moment if you're going to say something or whatever it might be that you're like this is this doesn't even need to be said like I'm gonna feel shit about this after it's as you say the self-control that is harder to have in the moment but sometimes once you've done it a few times you can then you can then understand and it takes a few times one thing that I want to add to the conversation with regards to oversharing is that you do not owe anyone anything this is really something for the ladies listening you do not owe anyone your time you do not owe anyone an explanation no means no like if someone asks you a question and you really don't want to answer it like I'm the kind of person that I would just look at you and stand there and we will both be awkward you know because I've been in far too many you know situations I think we all have where you say something or you overshare something that you probably shouldn't have and afterwards you're like oh my god what did I say oh my god this girl doesn't even like me he doesn't even like me why was I opening my big mouth so yeah that's what I'd say about that yeah no and I think it's really powerful I think that different people are programmed with different understandings of that or learn quicker on what works for them and what doesn't and I think that that's something I didn't learn till a lot later and again it's like a people-pleasing thing like the sooner we can all drop the people-pleasing aspect the better I'm still on my journey not gonna lie I'm not there but it is important and it's about like knowing what makes you feel good and what makes you feel shit after the fact and you're not always going to know in the moment and then you learn each time but it's about gathering that evidence of genuinely learning rather than letting the same thing happen to you again and again um but i think that's one that like yeah i hadn't really heard it be talked about in that way and i didn't even realize that it was a boundary that i was pushing for everyone around me until i heard you speak about it and then i was like oh okay i will work on that um what do you think one boundary is that someone can put in this week that's going to make a big difference to their life like how how can they make an immediate change to what they're putting up with or where they're going and what they're dealing with every day in regards to boundaries what a good question i think i would say i challenge you this week to say no to something I think as women, we need to get very comfortable with the word no and no without an explanation.

1:04:02And I think it's definitely a real process of feeling comfortable with that, feeling comfortable with denying someone, feeling comfortable of potentially upsetting someone. But I think the more that you do it, it will just feel second nature. And again, in the long run, that will save you a lot of heartache. I think that's incredibly, I don't know, I think all of it ties back to kind of a lot of these same points over and over and really understanding yourself and really knowing yourself and really with time working out what is your conditioning that is making you do something more or say yes to more things or whatever it might be.

1:04:40And what is like what you actually need right now? that's why I also think it's so important to be clear on your goals for each and every year too because like how can you say yes and no to the right things if you don't know where you want to be by the end of this year or the end of this quarter or the end of this month like you're you're not steering the ship well like you because you don't know the destination I agree and this is why a lot of us are not reaching our goals because we're so hyper focused and we're too busy spreading ourselves thin and you know being busy for everyone but us you know I think women are very prone to appearing busy but not busy on the things that actually move the needle being busy on the minor but not the macro you know um so that's something also that I really want to stress yeah and I can't let you leave here without talking about skin um because I've looked at your skin every day on my feed for a few years now and I'm seemingly jealous so I'm going to ask you a few questions that I think we all need to know the answers to so firstly I want to know about your favorite products because I would like to look how you look um can you talk me through them yeah you brought show and tell I brought show and tell okay my favorite skincare makeup body care products I want to preface by saying that this is just a small selection of what I love what I use my house is a shop like I have an abnormal obsession with beauty yeah I can see from your face thank you but also what I do want to preface is that this face is not just achieved with skincare yeah I'd be lying to you injectables energy-based treatments and Korea and Korea yes the country the country yes I love my doctors in Korea yes okay starting with skincare I absolutely love this essence by Allows of Skin it's the founder's essence and it's a literally glass skin in a bottle it's limited edition so it's really hard to get your hands on it um but I swear by this like if you just want that glass like poreless glow that in a bottle um next fave we know i love a bit of medicaid my baby um liquid peptides advance mp another product it's a serum where just gorgeous ingredients love peptides if you're serious about your anti-aging routine and just overall sort of skin health you need peptides in your skincare routine this product every time i wear it compliments galore just the shine from it is reflective and it's not like a greasy shine it's just like a hydrated dewy glossy glow my husband actually uses that one really does he love it yeah he has gorgeous skin i have to he looks about 10 years please yeah no no we can arrange that let me know um and then the next one this is a new addition actually from my recent escapades to korea i Went to Korea.

1:07:47I went to Korea in November. It's my second trip in two years. If you haven't gone, you need to go. Everything that the girls say it is, it is and more. And I picked up this toner pad. Toner pads are super, super popular in Korea. And this is by the brand Numbuzin. And the name always makes me laugh. It's Paul Zero Peeled Egg Toner Pad. Oh, so you want to look like a peeled egg? Yes, you want to look like a peeled egg. No, so fair enough. I used it today. I think it's giving peeled egg energy today, I think. Great ingredients even, panthenol and LHA, so like a really gentle acid just to exfoliate the skin.

1:08:30Two more skincare products, actually three more. Again, in keeping with the career theme, this is one of my favourite sunscreens. Holy grail, swear by it, everything and beyond. really suitable for all skin types particularly more of an oily skin type and it's the cell fusion c aquatic cooling sunscreen and it's spf 50 plus this is so lightweight for my melanated baby girls like no white cast whatsoever just so lightweight there's a little bit of fragrance just a little but i've been fine with it and sometimes my skin can react to fragrance but it's been absolutely fine um i also love this face mask so this is a sort of clay-based mask from sharni darden and it's her signature nourishing facial mask and for context sharni darden is an amazing esthetician based out in la if you want to hydrate and address pores breakouts simultaneously you need this i don't know why i left this kind of towards the end but this is my baby that's my baby too we share a baby we share a baby and you can see how i've used and abused this um this is my holy grail i should just have like an unhealthy connection with it it's just like if you want to look young forever you need tretinoin in your life and this is my favorite tretts it's by abagi and this is the 0.05 percent which is kind of like a medium strength my typical go-to is actually 0.1 which is quite strong yeah that's crazy more is more is more with me but yeah these two peeled egg galore like 100 percent um what else and then I love a bit of body care because I have very dry body skin I have this skin condition called athosis vulgaris had it since I was a child thank you dad it's genetic um and it just leaves me a dry kind of scaly, hard, rough, liney skin.

1:10:26Very disgusting. Predominantly my body, parts of my body. And so because of that, I love a body oil, like obsessed. And this is one of my fancy body oils. This must be fine. Oh, it smells so good. You know, just things that smell expensive. There is nothing better than luxury body care. Like that to me is the epitome of like, I know it's not the same as like when we talk about self-care we don't just talk about products but at the same time like when I'm putting like a gorgeous expensive oil in my bath there is nothing that will make me feel better and more like put together it's just yeah it's everything for me honestly and this is by a brand called May Lindstrom and it's the good stuff body and hair radiance oil it's a little bit spurning I won't lie but just because the ingredients are amazing really high quality oils and just so smooth and buttery on the skin obsessed um in keeping with the bougie theme because you know we were talking about being a baby girl earlier on weren't we if you want to be a baby girl but actually even if you wanted to be i wouldn't recommend no i'm joking this is probably my most expensive beauty product that i own grace please tell me why i was buying an 1100 perfume i know even i'm ashamed 1100 yeah wow but it was worth it that's what i'm telling myself move aside it said you could never what well that's the whole point because god forbid this becomes a baccarat rouge absolutely not but i'm sorry to anyone who loves baccarat rouge you know what it's actually a great scent yeah just they bastardized it i'm so sorry but it's actually a great scent anyway madame gray so worth the price it smells can i smell it oh baby go ahead it smells like a seductive expensive elegant woman oh it really does it is so nice i'd want to see inside the house of the woman who wears this you know i'm wearing it right now there's also a head let me inside your house hey hun you can come over if you want um there's also a hair perfume that you can get at a way affordable price so if you don't want to break the bank with this definitely go get that but just divine um two more products to go no three more um love this lip balm le chouchou from edem just as a brand everything and beyond like one of my favorite lip balms in my arsenal another brand that I love and I also adore the founder Danessa Myricks mother Myricks this liquid blaring balm I've got it on today and she is blurred basically can't even see you yeah it's this one of the best inventions in makeup like in the past decade I'm not even exaggerating it's such a unique product I've never used anything like that before like it's insane god i'm gonna be so broke after this episode you've just taken my whole i have that effect on people i've been told um and then last but not least my favorite pressed powder from auntie charlotte charlotte tilbury love charlotte tilbury as a brand this is their flawless finish powder oh just again if you want to look airbrushed combine these two together nobody will see a poor insight oh thank you so much that was so good i've got a list of viral skincare products and trends and i would like you to rate them rate hate give us your opinion so so first one road glazing milk right like i think that it's probably the best product that road has ever made to date uh whenever people ask me what should i buy from road is it worth the hype i'm like start with the road glazing milk you'll love it like gorgeous product even for sensitive skin 100 okay perfect you got it at home we'll start using it thanks the viral retinol carrot salad retinol carrot essentially people are making a carrot salad and the idea is that it's meant to give you your retinol so that you're eating your retinol instead clearly i'm not on that outside of TikTok.

1:14:52No, baby. No, hey, no. Don't be putting carrots on your face. No, they're eating it. Oh, eating. Oh, we love eating. Yes, lots of carrots. Lots of vitamin A, yes.

1:15:07I'm imagining you like going home later and being like, I don't know. You know that it has weird trends. So hence I thought, oh, they must be putting it on their face. Understandable. double cleansing love a good double cleanse absolutely rate that you know i think cleansing is a real step in the skincare routine that people just don't do properly and it's the foundation of your routine should you be cleansing in morning and night with like a proper cleanser generally speaking yes depending on your skin type if you have more of a drier sensitive skin there's a little bit of a caveat there um but what i absolutely advocate for is essentially having a cleanser wardrobe at least two different cleansers or maybe even three so i you might want to start with like a balmy on oil-based cleanser to help remove makeup sunscreen that kind of thing and then the other two cleansers being one that's slightly more sort of um you could say stringent sort of more clarifying to the skin that might be like a cleanser based in salicylic acid something like that and then last of all having a more gentle cleanser like a good foamy creamy cleanser that's very hydrating and then that way by having three different cleansers you can pick accordingly according to like kind of what your skin needs that day i like it face taping

1:16:35yeah just go get botox baby i just i'm like i want the sauce you know definitely if you're more holistic babe love that for you um again real tangible evidence

1:16:53just go get botox or just embrace your wrinkles but if taping your face makes you feel better then yeah do it yeah retinol under 25 um yes but it depends how under 25 we're talking yeah get the school children off the retinol please like if you're still in primary school you should not be using retinol like no i know some brands slash there was a trend once upon a time recent time of children using actives no just keep the routine simple whilst your skin is young and unless you really need it okay then yes we can dial up on the actives but i would say from the age of 25 is definitely a great time to start retinol the laneige lip mask right love love love love love love i actually need to use that product again like i think i've just gotten distracted by so many other favorite lip products but i also i really don't like the application like i don't like the the little pot because i have nails and like getting in there and then it's like i feel like there's just like bacteria in there i need a tube i think they do do a tube so i think they do but it's not the same i do love linux in fact i think i just said that i think i have the tube oh do you yeah there's just something about the the pot so cute but what i do if you have long nails use the backwards you know i always do that yeah i know but it's still got little craters in it i want to quickly ask because you're transparent about it and i think it's important to be transparent about it most and people i can feel the people complaining i know um you do not need to get anything ever but also transparency i think is useful and helpful so what have been the most effective injectables that you've had yeah just like you I also want to stress you do not need these treatments I know I don't need these treatments I have a key reason that I've indulged in these treatments is because it's my work like this is my life mission this is just what I do and I think for me as a as a cosmetic doctor it would be hypocritical if I didn't indulge in them like you can't dish these treatments out but not have them there's some there's a weird disconnect there but in terms of what I've had what haven't I had um injectable wise starting from the top of my head I do love a bit Botox um but I try and get that no more than once a year because I don't want to look scary I prefer a more sort of natural glam look yeah um I want to be able to frown a bit but not too much because frowning is overrated um because why would i need to frown why don't you see frown um with that in mind i also love a little bit of a brow lift as well from the botox from the botox love that that's definitely one of my go-tos and how do you find someone good who knows how to do that because it's a little bit wild west with the injectables it's a wild west and just some of the regulations in this country but hey i think you know they're working on it they're working on it but please please go to a qualified medic whether it be a qualified doctor nurse etc um who has proficient experience in these treatments because the thing is you know there's just such even still such a trend and i'm gonna get people some of their knickers in a twist but going to your lash lady for botox for filler good god just know like leave the lash girl to her lashes and leave the injectables to the doctors because even if your lash lady has the best face tuned before and afters it doesn't mean shit if something goes wrong which is very easy by the way vascular occlusions live in my brain like any medic can literally just pinpoint one point on their face if they want to make you blind like it is that obviously they wouldn't but it's that easy yeah to make someone blind from injectables so in case something goes wrong this is why it is crucial to have a medic who can actually deal with these complications chin filler has been a game changer for me I was not blessed with the chin the chin did not turn up at the party when I was born and just by having that definition has completely changed the shape of my face and I think it's a real thing that people overlook and just can really harmonize one's face another thing that I love though again proceed with caution proceed with caution um is when I was last in Korea where I was actually sleep sedated again I would not advise you to go to any old clinic and get sleep sedated yeah leave with your organs intact you know um this was a very sort of professional clinic led by a very experienced doctor who was amazing and yeah just amazing in every way possible um and by the way side note by the way i'm really blabbing no no it's great i'm in a weird flow state just pull me back no no it's great um but yeah korea skin clinics went to an amazing clinic yeah the crazy thing is is that in korea it's actually quite standard to be sleep sedated babe they're living in the future I told you um but one thing that I had there under sleep sedation which was amazing was thermage you can get it here too um it's essentially radiofrequency and it's great for lifting definitely there's been a little bit of controversy with regards to radio frequency so again proceed with caution i.e just do it no more than once a year and make sure you have good skin integrity you know first before you even foray into such things but for me things like that have been a game changer in really just enhancing the shape of my face amazing i could say more but no that's perfect thank you so much for sharing i'll be writing all those um and i can give you the name of the concierge off screen as well i'll give you my email thank you um amazing well thank you so much for sharing i feel like not only we got the best go up tips but also you're very generous with your knowledge and your background and everything around skin and i feel like so many people found you because of that and have stayed for the life advice so i'm very glad we got to have both before we end on that note i would love to know what the best piece of advice is that you've ever been given oh funnily enough the best piece of advice i've been given was actually by chris jenner Not directly, not directly.

1:23:43She doesn't know it was to me. You know, not directly, but it was to me, you know. And that was, if the person that you're speaking to says no, you're speaking to the wrong person. And with that in mind, whenever I'm sort of in that sort of process of, you know, seeking opportunity, trying to find someone that will support my vision, etc. etc I just reframe it now as I just need to find the person that's going to say yes I love that and to get where you want to get to yeah I love that and I feel like it's a it's a mindset that you very clearly have like this this drive and this as you said this sink or swim and this like where do I want to get to I'm going to get myself there it's just a matter of how I'm going to get myself there and I feel like that's very inspiring um and I feel like there's not a lot that can kind of come in your way when you have that mindset thank you so much you've been incredible thank you jolly