380. The Final Word on Heated Rivalry - Welcome to the Cottage (episode 6)

0:03Welcome to You Are Not Broken, the podcast that challenges everything we've been taught about midlife, hormones, and sexuality. I'm Dr. Kelly Kasperson, board-certified urologist, author, and a leading voice in women's sexual and hormone health. Enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. This is it. This is week six, wrapping up of the Heated Rivalry A-thon. And if you've stuck with us, fantastic. If you haven't, you're not listening to this anyways. So stay tuned for the normally scheduled You Are Not Broken program after we wrap up today's episode. And for everybody who's a big fan of both us and Heated Rivalry, thank you.

0:38Can we say thank you to Jacob Tierney and author Rachel Reed? You are the most amazing human beings on earth and you have brought us so much pleasure, joy, intimacy, connection, and joyful moments this year. Thank you. Thank you. I feel when I watch something this good and I finish it, like this almost profound sense of loss that I cannot be experiencing it for the first time again. Profound. I couldn't agree more. I feel people's feelings. And so when I feel like I lost, like I do not, this is why I actually only can watch happy, joyful shows. Like I can't watch serious, violent or anything like that.

1:18But like I go, I become so immersed in these people's worlds that like, it is so sad. I know. What are we going to do to keep ourselves busy leading up to season two, which is going to start being filmed, I think, end of 26. I miss them. I'm always open to good shows. I mean, you know, but nothing has hit this. I do think there's some lovely Ted Lasso-like shows because the guy who made Ted Lasso did his Scrubs remake. He did Trinking. He did this other show called Rooster recently. All lovely. All lovely shows. Bill Lawrence is an amazing sort of director-writer. Not this. Not he did Rivalry.

1:57is like next level special. I don't know, with the books, like is this, is there no books to cover season two? We were waiting for you to read. Yeah, Ashley, you're the bookworm. Actually, no, Kelly's the bookworm of the family. I know, but Ashley started. I'm just saying, right, like the downfall with Game of Thrones, right, was that they got past the books and then the books hadn't been finished and then they had that final season and that destroyed my whole world that final season. And I'm like, is this going to be the same? So I was talking to my husband about Heter Rivalry and Game of Thrones because we were talking about how porn is Heter Rivalry and I was like, well, it's HBO porn with the story.

2:36But I think Game of Thrones was more porny than Heter Rivalry. Discuss. Game of Thrones used sex for shock value and they used sex as violence. And this is the opposite. Ruben, did you watch Game of Thrones? No, no, no comment. What? No comment. What did you do with Rachel Rubin? I did. Put her back. Put her back. Unsubscribe. Reload. I have nothing to say on this. I cannot believe that. You realize this is a podcast where people are listening to your comment. I cannot know everything, people. I am a mere mortal. I did not watch Game of Thrones. The question was, did you watch Game of Thrones?

3:22And you said no comment. I didn't even listen to the question because I was, I clicked off the conversation. It's like, oh, I have nothing to add here. So I'm just going to say goodbye. Okay, so I'm assuming you didn't watch Game of Thrones. Wait, so speaking of how inappropriate and ADHD I am, I was, again, as the last episode, I said I was at a very busy urology conference of 13 ,000 mostly male urologists. Let's be real because the three of us represent. There's 1 ,000 female urologists in the United States of America, possibly 1 ,100. We represent about 11 % of practicing urologists. So we are really unicorns here.

3:58So be nice to your female urologists, people. We are the best. I was sitting on stage at a podium session texting Kelly the whole time because I was moderating a session that I really was bored with the content. It was all about fighting about the different irrigation that is used during a penile implant surgery and every poster. Like should it be saline versus lectin and ringers? No, it's like this thing called Iricept that industry has paid lots of money to get people, urologists, to think it's a good idea. And then it turns out infection rates went way up. And so they went back to their old, just normal antibiotic irrigation and infection rates came down.

4:32And they were literally fighting about it every other... It was so boring and so clearly just industry, and all they cared about was this topic. And I was sitting up there just texting you, being like, how is this real... I wasn't paying attention at all to what was actually happening. Because who is going to get me in trouble? Like, who is going to get mad at me? Who's going to tell on you? Who's going to tell on me, for goodness sake. Anyway, no. Who are they going to tell on you, too? No, I did not watch Game of Thrones, but I did watch episode six of Heated Rivalry many, many times over. Because it is the cottage, which is finally where we're at, right?

5:09Right in our background. But all of our screensavers behind us for audio-only listeners is us at the cottage, which is an actual house in Canada, which you can rent for a now exorbitant amount of money, even though it's Canadian dollars, which is 30 % off currently in America. One of the 36 people listening is so rich, they're going to buy us the cottage and then we'll have a party with them. Manifest. I'm going to manifest other things because we probably could afford a weekend at the cottage. We just don't have effing time to go. Yeah, we're lazy. We're not going to click on the internet to do it.

5:43It's probably Eastern Canada. Somebody please Google quickly where the cottage is. I'm on it. Okay, you guys keep going. Because Ashley and I would have to fly over from Vancouver. Yeah. I'm just saying there are people who are super fans enough that somebody has commissioned a replica of this. I believe. I believe that this has happened. Oh, for sure. Oh, I believe that. Yeah. They're like, that's a cool design. I'm going to make that for myself. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Airbnb, the cottage. But I would prefer to be a big villain. It has... Okay, it only... It has a five-star review, but only one review.

6:12six guests, three bedrooms. Where's Ilya? The one review. It says, you can stay a week or even two. It's so private. No one will know. She said, the cottage welcomed us on site with gifts and goodies. The cottage is everything you'd hoped it would be. It's a hallmark of peacefulness and luxury. I hope it can mean as much to everyone who comes here. Oh my God, it's like a real place. These people are going to make so much money. I want to know, like, I want to know the backstory. How did they find this house? Probably on Airbnb. So you think the TV show people were just on Airbnb looking for an Eastern Canada house?

6:49I mean, there are people whose entire jobs are like scouting filming locations. Like one of my good friends, her parents' beach house was used for a movie, like a major movie. And it was like... Can we talk about how much splooge they have to clean up every time they... Don't bring a... It's booked out through April 20... What is that called? Yeah, April 2028, it's booked. It's completely booked. It's booked out through April, 2028. Yeah. Fantastic. I bet there's somebody there like refreshing whenever, like for month opens. Because the website doesn't allow more than one year ahead in rentals.

7:24Yeah, exactly. It's like the French laundry of houses. Like reservations open up and like you can't get in. It appears to be West of Ottawa. By two hours. Are there snacks on the way? If you're hungry. Torrance. There did seem to be a lot of rest stops on the way. Directions. It looked very, very rural. Ottawa. So before we get to the cottage, the episode does start with Scott Hunter at the podium, accepting like the all-star congratulations for winning the cup. My big question is why is Kip not at the award ceremony? That's a great question. I want to know the answer to that. That is very weird.

8:05Like, did he have a shift at the smoothie place he couldn't get out of? He was sitting at the bar with Kyle. the best character of the whole time. You'd be best in the credits if it said Kyle. Thank you, Kyle. Himself. Thank you, Kyle. Kyle. Himself. It makes no sense. It's so dumb. It makes no sense. Yeah, he's in love. He talks about how much he loves him. Why wouldn't he be there? That was a mistake. Your family should be there, especially if you won. They probably didn't have a huge budget for this the first go around that it would have been too much to have the audience seen. To show an audience.

8:38And it was cheaper to just, yeah and it was cheaper to just do the bar scene that's a very reasonable theory that's a theory accepted accepted um okay so the next scene is now we see we see a black suitcase being wheeled towards the black range rover and ilia is in all black it's nice and somebody i saw a meme on this it was like it was like the longest six seconds of the show because they were just like why is this so short we need him in ray-bans first of all product placement they're both wearing ray-bans throughout the entire season. I did not pay attention to that. Well done, Ray-Ban. What about Rolex?

9:16They talk about Rolex nonstop. They do. Oh, yeah. The Wimbledon seats. And Reebok. They talk about Reebok quite a bit, too. They do? Yeah, that's one of his sponsors is Reebok. Well, in the beginning, she's like, don't be seen without shoes. Yeah. But do they talk about Reebok more than once? Illya looks really good. Can we talk for a second about all the memes of Connor's story at the Met Gala? and so it's basically like people working out to be like, why do I work out? Why work on glutes? It's like, so you can have these shoulders when you take your jacket off. But also why even try to have that when you could just look at his?

9:49Sorry, I'm just looking at image gallery of episode six. We've lost Rachel. She's now watching Game of Thrones. No, I'm watching the images on Google of heated rivalry. Sorry, I'm focused. So Ilya's dressed in all black, looking hot AF and then he goes into the car and he immediately ribs Shane so you're like okay he's gonna start being playful and superficial and like not not in deep and he's like is this a jeep he's like no it's british it's good in the snow he's practical it's practical so ilia's really feeling out shane about like because he's like oh he's like this podcast is sponsored by jones road i like to take care of my skin but i don't like the whole cover-up makeup up routine.

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12:34Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was You Are Not Broken. It's the best way to support the show. Oh, you think we're going to relax? You think that's what's going to happen? And you can see his face, again, this speaking with no words, you can see his face shift when Shane stands his ground of like, we're going to relax. I would look forward to relaxing with you. Oh, God. I love it. I love the things he says like that.

13:11He holds space for Ilya to be his true self. I look forward to relaxing with you. I look forward to relaxing with you. So sexy. So sexy. I think it's super cute where he's like, I told my parents I'm away on a meditation retreat. Oh yeah, silent retreat. I had a friend once who lied about a lot of things and she lied to her parents. She went to Europe to meet a guy who she met at a wedding and she met this guy at a wedding and then she went to Europe to go meet him and travel around with him and she didn't want her parents to know. So she told them she was going on a solo retreat to Yosemite or Yellowstone or something like that.

13:51And she spent a week in Europe gallivanting with this person. And then they picked her up at the airport and she actually checked flights and checked out of customs and then went to the domestic side and just found a random flight. Yeah, she would go. She was this amazing liar. I don't think she'll get to episode six if she listens to this but she was a delicious liar for no reason like she just would like flat out lie about everything for no like logical reason like her parents would have not cared at all and like it wouldn't have mattered at all and yet she goes like she went that level of a lie like telling her parents she was traveling alone in like a national park when she was like in Europe with some dude that relationship did not work out I I just want to be clear.

14:40She's actually, yeah, I won't say what she does because that's a HIPAA violation of friendship. Yeah. Well, maybe she's a spree killer. Okay, so we're riding in the car. Any other car comments? It was nice. Just sweet. He holds his hand. Just lovely. The hand holding is very sweet. It's setting up like the sweetness of this whole episode. So sweet. The like reorientation to let's be real now. And this is where it really slows down. It's all lighter. Yeah. Lots of light play. I don't want to jump ahead, but there's a scene where they wake up together and he says, I like you, I like you, right? And half of their faces are in the shadow and half of their faces are in the light.

15:16It's so good. I very, this is like the very briefly, what did I want to do with my life? I thought I would go to Montana State Bozeman or is that Montana University? Whichever one's in Bozeman. The plan was after high school, go to Bozeman to do cinematography. Where did you go wrong? I think because I'm insanely curious about things that people are uncomfortable talking about. And I always have been. Like lighting and penises? Like lighting and penises. Like, why are you not concerned about lighting right now? So I went to Catholic school and in sixth grade in the coat room, in the coat room, a boy in my class, his name's Ryan, and I'll not say his last name, but Ryan whipped out a whole sheath of condoms, what I now know to be condoms.

16:01And I remember seeing it, it was like a vunk, right like a line of condoms and i remember seeing that and being like what the fuck is this right and then ryan got in big trouble for bringing condoms to sixth grade coat room and i just remember being like so curious of like what is that why are you why is he in trouble about this and now as an adult i'm like why the fuck did your sixth grader have condoms in the coat room like what was where did they come from what a bad boy right and like so that's why i'm your all. Why can we not talk about this was basically what I remember of like, what is this?

16:35Why can't we talk about it? Why is somebody in trouble? And like, that's just like the story of me growing up Catholic is like, why can we not talk about all this shit? How was your sex ed in Catholic school? Like I went to public school for everything. So I don't know anything about, about this. Sex is something that happens after marriage and it makes babies. And at the time it was Pope John Paul, condoms were definitely not okay. Meaning in marriage, like condoms during marriage. I remember that was like a bad thing. The other really bizarre thing to me with the Catholic religion is like, where are the women?

17:09Like, why do the women have those jobs and the men have these jobs? That was always very confusing to me. Why did my skirt need to touch the ground when I kneeled? Why couldn't my knee be visualized? That was always very curious. You have very nice knees. I've always thought that about you. I had a lot of questions. I didn't wear... So I had to wear a skirt and a dress. I did not wear a skirt slash dress until like after college because of that. I know. I love a good dress now. But I had like a good half a decade. You had to detox. I had to detox. From your leg. Yeah. So it was just like all these questions that I was insanely curious about that made no sense to me.

17:49and I was finally like got to the point where like I could understand that and hang out with people who also wanted to talk about that and I was like oh cool these people let's do this we're a bunch of weirdos we are a bunch of weirdos and one more urology story I was interviewing at Denver which is where I did residency and during my interview I was on the way to the chairman's office to do my interview for urology residency and a fire drill happened so we all had to go outside because there was a fire drill, but actual fire trucks came and firemen came and like they had, they were doing their thing.

18:20So it wasn't like totally real, like fake. And so the chairman and I were standing outside looking at these fire trucks and he's like, wow, what a cool job being a firefighter would be. And I look at him. I've never met this guy before in my life. I look at him and I'm like, yeah, but like kind of like urologists, we all play with hoses. And then I was like did he love it oh yeah i got i got my first match i got my top i went to never that's good that's impressive but like that came out of my mouth and i was just like were you thinking like cystoscopes but then instead you know only in urology that's like extra but that's like extra bonus points in urology urethras yeah so like the fact that it came out and i was like oh oh, fuck.

19:04There it goes. And then I got, I matched there. So. I love that. That's my story. What else do you want to talk about with? All right. So they get to the, they get to the cottage and they talk about real estate. It's like a theme. They like want us to all get involved in real estate. These, these two. Your real estate fetish really paid off. Real estate and ginger ale. That's what they want for us. It's really, that's really, it's all, it's all a ploy to get us to drink more ginger ale. And that's where she's sponsored by big ginger ale. Oh, Canadian Dry. Canadian Dry. Seagram's is very upset about this, by the way.

19:40Seagram's is really coming up with their other... But then Shane makes a note that he built this himself. He did not buy this. This was not a purchased house. This was a designed house. Very important because he's perfect. And then they're touring around. Then they start getting all happy on the couch, which is so adorable. They're already canoodling on the couch. They do a little role-playing about... He's like the bellboy, and then he tries to close the blinds, and then dominant Ilya is like, no, no, we do this in the daylight. And then it's just in contrast to all the darkness moments that make you have to squint to see them having sex in the earlier episodes.

20:19I mean, why close the blinds? You're in the woods. I mean, because the Canadian wolf birds might see. Or his dad might walk up, and that also could potentially happen. Oops, dad. You only have one phone charger? It's possible. Parents don't have excessive electronic accessories. Every time Rachel's been texting us lately, her battery, like if she'll do a screenshot and text us, the battery's always at red. And so I'm usually like, dude, you still need to charge your phone. Some people look like that. It drives me nuts. I probably need a new phone, I think. I get mad at my phone for failing instead of me being the one who was in charge of actually charging it.

21:00I'm like, damn you phone. How old is your laptop right now? Oh, probably four years old. Mine's like getting like six. And I like, it's kind of slow. And I get frustrated with how slow it is. I'm like, oh, it might be time for an upgrade. Right. It might just be time. Okay. So now what happens? We had some sex. We had a lot of hamburgers because we didn't want to think about cutting the recipe down. This is what happens when men are in charge. They make too many hamburgers. I don't believe that would have been too many hamburgers. I was just following the recipe. eating that many. Can't they just put them away and eat them later?

21:31Like out of the leftovers? Of course. I'm okay with the multiple hamburgers. It's better than a tuna melt. I'm not going to lie. It feels more palatable than a tuna melt. It seems like higher protein. So they're eating their hamburgers and Ilya starts asking Shane about his parents. There's so many classic Ilya lines in episode six. Like, is that where you get your boring? Sorry, this is a distraction, But Kelly, I feel like you say about like a Canadian person. I do say about like a Canadian. I'm basically half Canadian. I don't know. This is an old statistic. But when I was in college and med school, which was in Minnesota, the number one illegal immigrant in Minnesota was a Canadian.

22:12A Canadian. Just like the rest of America. I'm just saying they blend in. The Minnesotans love them. But when I go back to Minnesota, the accent's very strong. Like I can hear it and I don't think I pick it back up. But yeah, I'll say like the abouts and the roofs. Yeah. But we thought we lived close to Canada because we were two hours away being in northern Minnesota. And now I live 20 minutes away. So I'm even closer now. I don't know. Washington State, because it's not like ice things the way that Minnesota is. It just seems less Canadian. It's the coast, coastal Canadian. Yeah. Yeah, Vancouver is not that wintery either.

22:53So is that where you get your boring from? He learns about his parents. Where do you get your boring from? Who's boring in this scenario? Are you asking Ashley or me? I might be the most boring. I'm definitely the most boring one of all. You have a lot going on. I'm boring. I'm boring. Ashley could be boring too. Ashley could be boring, but you don't dress boring. She doesn't look boring. She dresses like she's not boring, but she might be boring. This podcast is sponsored by Addy. Let's stop pretending low libido isn't a big deal. If it's bothering you, it's worth paying attention to. Meet Addi.

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24:33Eligible patients only. Restrictions apply. Visit Addy.com, ADDYI.com. I'm very boring. I'm so boring. I dress boring, but I am not that boring. Ask me about my boring. Yeah. This is really fun. Okay. All right. Keep going. So they're boring. They talked about McGill. What the fuck is McGill? It's a good school. Erwin Goldstein played hockey at McGill. It's a good school. He did med school, I think, at McGill. He did college at Brown. That's where he met Sue, our mentor, Erwin Goldstein, the godfather of sexual medicine. But he was a Canadian hockey player, but he played at Brown. I love him. But now he has two new hips because of all of the hockey that he played.

25:16I love that female sexual medicine was started by a urologist, a male urologist, because of the Viagra paper. So for people who don't know, Viagra paper got published, New England Journal of Medicine. Back in the day, you put your phone number at the bottom. It was like published because there wasn't emails. And so his phone started ringing from women saying like, what do you got for me? And he's like, go to your gynecologist. And then they came back and they're like, went there, failed. What do you got for me? And that's the story. There's an extra part to the story. He himself was married to a woman who was starting to go through menopause and have problems.

25:51He's like, well, my sex life is getting worse. We need to find solutions. So it was really selfish why he got interested in it. But it really, their marriage saved the world. Pretty much. Their sex life mattered to the world, basically. Yeah. Because of that sex life, how many people's sex lives got better? Thousands upon thousands upon thousands. And they didn't give up and just say like, oh, our relationship has run its course. And like part ways they were like, no, we're going to figure this out. And they also weren't waiting for somebody else to come and save them. Be like, well, you know, the Department of Gynecology, once they get their shit together, we'll figure this out for us.

26:28It's like Rachel was saying this past week. Like you realize at some point that there's no adults in the room. You are the adults. And they were just they just did that. So they were. But like we also need other adults and we're not. I don't like things. Can we get more than just a couple of interested adults? Can we have more adults? Can we have more adults? Okay, so they have hamburgers. They talk about McGill. Then what happens? Probably more sex. It's very slow. Then they talk about the fire and the Canadian wolf bird. I have no idea what a loon is. It's a water bird. So you would think that means it's a duck.

27:05It's not a duck. I would have never assumed any of that. Now you know. I will work that into my Netflix comedy special somehow, just for you. Please. So he starts telling about his mother and the suicide and that she was brave and she took pills and she was so sad. And she was lovely. And you just see the little boy in Ilya come out, right? Because everyone really is just a little child that wants to be loved and wants easy things. It was so sad. It's so sad. I have a child who's a little bit close to 12. And like, as a parent, that is heartbreaking. 12 is very young. Yeah. And then what happened?

27:50It's kind of amazing, actually, that he's been through this trauma and he's still able to be as vulnerable as he ends up being. because I can say I've been in a relationship with more than one person in my life who has had a parent that died of suicide and it just changed them at the deepest level. And I think that they were not able to be fully emotionally available. And I can't imagine, I cannot judge in any way because I cannot imagine what it's like to go through that. But yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of complexity to that. And this then goes into when they say they love each other? Or is that later?

28:30That's later. That doesn't happen around the fire. Because the fire is still like the first night. But then they go back into bed and then he talks about wanting to name what's your mom's name. Let's do a hockey school. Oh, she would have loved you just like I love you. So they said I love you before that because they had already said I love you. I don't know if the I love you is before or after Canadian Wolf Ford. It's after. I think it's after. So they first like. And then when does the part happen when they're on the couch and then he says, I don't ever want to get sick of this. What does he say?

29:03I don't ever want to get rid of the problem. It's just all so good. But I'm putting together now. Don't marry Svetlana. Yeah, please don't marry Svetlana. When Rose in episode five says this isn't a problem, a problem is something you can fix. And then Ilya says, I don't ever want to get rid of this problem. Oh, I love that scene. when they're just like playing footsie on the couch. And isn't Ilya wearing the plaid shirt that Shane was wearing when he was grilling the hamburgers? I didn't pick up on that, but that is so hot. I did not pick on that. It's hot. So hot. It's super hot. Because, you know, he probably just packed a black tank top.

29:43Right. Not thinking what one would need for two weeks at the cottage. You can share clothes. That's so cute. I know you can share clothes. I know. I'm so jealous of that. And squat routines. Super bonus points for game people. And squat routines. Like they didn't show them exercising together. I wish they had shown that. They played soccer. And they were swimming. Well, one was swimming. I would have liked to see some rowing side by side. They've been playing sport together for a decade at this point. They should have done like in the first episode how they're doing the bikes next to each other.

30:15We need some mirroring of that to see how they move forward. I agree. I agree. My simple brain wants that. It's very intimate. I love it very much. Should we talk about the dad walking in? Sure. The dad walks in. I thought it was a pretty good panic attack. Like I thought he did a nice job of that. It was the biggest panic attack, like as far as like big emotions, because usually his panic attacks are him kind of shutting down. Yeah. But his nightmare was he knew his parents were going to be fine about him being gay, but he felt so guilty that he had lied to them for so long. He like that was the part he was like, but I lied to them.

30:48I lied to them like they aren't going to forgive me for lying to them because I'm a good kid. I'm a good son, but I lied to them. And that's where the deep shame and guilt and fear comes from. I was going to tell them in my own way, in my own time. I knew I was going to tell them, and I knew they were going to be fine with it, but I lied to them. He lied to them right up to the moment. He told me it was at a meditation retreat. And apparently, it, again, wasn't written for him to be that big with his emotions and the freakout. But as an actor, Hudson Williams went very big with that. and Jacob Tierney said, this is an interview, he said, like, I was gonna interrupt it.

31:24Like, it wasn't part of the plan, but I just filmed the whole thing. And then it was the editor later on who was like, yes, to keeping this in, to letting it be big. Because it just, it shows the intensity of the emotion so beautifully, even though that's not how it was written and that wasn't the plan. Because even though he knows his parents will accept it, it's like that reveal of the fact that he's gay is something that somehow he's been rehearsing in his head. And it shattered, that version of his future shattered in that moment. And it was too big to process without a big reaction. Yeah.

32:01And he said, the best part is he says, it's my nightmare. This is my nightmare. And Ilya goes, well, maybe it's time to wake up. Oh. I'm telling you, Ilya has all the lines in this episode. He does. It's so good. So they decide to drive over to the parents' house. My husband makes fun of me because I really do not like the term lovers. Like in any song that talks about lovers, I get really grossed out and I think it's disgusting and it makes me really icky. And so my husband always makes fun of me for that. And then in this part of the episode, Shane also gets really uncomfortable whenever they use the word lovers.

32:35He's like, can we stop talking and saying that word? And I am on team Shane with that because that is a gross ass word. I loved it. I loved it. And I also love that Shane was like, no that's gross like it's gross it's so good and i think like you know here even in like a world where they what their love is taboo they still have taboos of what the word should be right like we've all got something they call each other boyfriend at that moment and then it's like the first time they say it out loud and there's like witnesses and they're like oh my gosh and then and then i like how they were like um you know when did it all get started but they were just fucking for a while right like they were just oh yeah we're doing that you don't want to and you don't want to talk to your parents about that no it's just i think mostly shane's upset about disappointing a fan like his mom's like just like a fan yeah i like his parents a lot they're lovely they're absolutely lovely so great when the mom walks outside and he follows her outside and they have that little exchange of her being like of course i'm proud of you and i'm so sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me this i was crying i was just completely crying like because we all know we've all had an experience of knowing that we love our parents and they love us back and there's something that hasn't been said and it's so fucking heavy and and we've all yeah i'm like i'm very curious to see what the season two is gonna bring all right so um is there more that you want to talk about or can we say what our favorite episode or scene were in the whole series.

34:11Do you want to do any wrap-up of episode six or do you want to do some wrap-up of the whole season? I just think everybody was very happy with episode six. Nobody I've talked to was like, that didn't end how I wanted it to. I mean, it was perfect. It was perfect. How could anyone be mad? The only criticisms I hear is nothing about the storytelling or the acting or the mood or the cinematography that is all perfect. Is it just Hayden? It's just Hayden. It's just Hayden. No, no. It's the storyline of like, why wouldn't Ilya have been able to apply for U.S. citizenship being in Boston? Why would...

34:47There's no... It doesn't make any sense. Maybe I'm missing something, but why would he have had to be in Ottawa and applying for Canadian citizenship? Professional athletes, like their manager person is working on this stuff from day one. So I just don't understand that plot line. I'm wondering if it never crossed Ilya's mind to get another citizenship until the dad died and he had the fracture of Moscow. And then he was like, well, how do I do this? He's been in the U.S. for like a decade at this point. It just wasn't top of mind. Clearly, who doesn't think, hasn't, hadn't been thinking ahead.

35:24He hadn't been. He had been living with this risk and he had been having sex with his, what, coach's son back in the place. And he wasn't a planner the way that Shane is the planner. But even in that moment, once he becomes the planner, it's like, you could still apply for U.S. citizenship. You are a professional athlete. You can do that. They want your tax revenue. Let's be serious. Yeah. How did we feel about Hayden in the last episode? That Hayden called during the blowjob? Oh, oh. Yeah. Hayden didn't know what was going on. There's no way Hayden didn't know what was going on. That was so brothy.

36:02Very brothy. But it's nowhere in the dark. Can we bring that IUD back? Jackie needs an IUD. Jackie needs some pelvic rest. Jackie went to Catholic school. And pelvic floor physical therapy. And vaginal insurance. I went to Catholic school with Kelly. Rapid fire. Kelly. Shane or Ilya? Oh, Ilya. Or we should have asked Josh because then we could include the other two. Ashley Winter. Right, Josh wants Kip. Ashley Winter. Shane, Ilya, Kip, or... I'm going to agree. I'm going to round it out and say for sure. Three for three for the Ilya? Yeah. Yeah. That guy makes me want to work out. I mean, his butt.

36:41How could you ever... His butt is like, there's no butt on it. It breaks my heart, if anybody remotely listening knows, it breaks my heart that these people smoke cigarettes. Is that like a judgmental older sister thing to say? Of like, God, you guys, come on. Wait, do they do it in real life or just in the show? Yeah, IRL, the actual actors smoke cigarettes. Wait, really? Yes. I feel like we talked about this. Oh, that's so bad. But I texted somebody who has spent some time with them, and I'm like, can you please tell them that his dick doesn't like cigarettes? Like, speak to them in the language that they understand.

37:14Okay, who's your favorite female character? Svetlana. I'm going to say Svetlana, too. I'll go for a third Svetlana. Although, the very close second is the one who goes, girl. I like her. I know. Girl. I don't know her name, but I like her. She's going to get more acting parts just from that one line. Girl. The Smoothie Girl. Getting more acting just because of the one line. But that's... Kyle might be like... The dad is good. Just like the cast of characters around the main characters are so good. It was lovely. They're all so good. Everybody's lovely. If Shane and Ilya have children in the future, who's donating the sperm?

37:54One at one. Or just throw them all in a bucket and see who wins. See who's the better hockey player. They're going to say Shane is more perfect because he knows French. And then he should. He's got the multicultural genes. He's got the. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, but he's got a little bit of personality traits they don't want to pass on. Maybe they do, though. Oh, for sure. But Ilya has the depression and the trauma. That's true. That is ingrained in the DNA. His epigenetic, his epigenomes can affect the sperm. Can we talk, any more rapid fire? Because I want to wrap up with one more urology thing. No, we're good.

38:26But let's, yeah. And we love, again, Rachel Reed, we love you. Jacob Tierney, we love you. Please come to ISWISH. I'm going to send you an email tonight. Please come to ISWISH in Vancouver. We'd love to see you. February 2027. Oh, right. It's in Canada next year. It's in Canada. Yeah. My job is to email them. So I have to work on my connections. Is this your job? Is this on you? This is actually on my job. I am the head of the committee to figure out a way to create a heated rivalry. There's a committee? There's a whole committee just for the heated rivalry section of the meeting. We can't get female dose testosterone across the line, yet we have a committee to get heat arrivalry, somebody from heat arrivalry, even if it's the girl.

39:04Girl. Girl. She'll come. She's got it. She'll come. I think it should be called a commission, not a committee. It's a commission. Emission? Like a seminal emission? Well, so when you're in the scientific program committee, it's like a big group of people, and then they come up with the topics that they want, and I demanded something about erotica and heated rivalry. And then people sign up to help with that little symposium. So there's many symposium at the meeting. This is one of them. And there's a group of people that are helping to plan this little particular part. And so it's going to be about erotica and heated rivalry and the goal would like why it was such a big deal for women's sexual health.

39:42And the dream would be to get Rachel Reed or Jacob Tierney to come talk to the giant academic conference. And the key will be is, can we pull it off? and I'm going to give us like a 6 % chance, but we're going to try because I believe in big dreams. Well, give it up to 12 % now that you said it on the podcast. All right. Podcast makes it a 12%. Let's put it out there. Do a sizzle reel of this conversation. Yeah. And just tag everybody. Tag, tag, tag, tag. Yeah, tag, tag. It's possible because it's Canada. Canada. I mean, we could have like the Canadian government sponsor it even. Right? They should want to do that.

40:14Anything's possible. Canada supports sex researchers more than America does. Of course they do. I know several that have moved to Canada to continue their research because America is so unsupportive. Canada is just more supportive. I was offered to apply for a big job to do just that. And I was like, that would be lovely, but I'm not moving to Vancouver. Was it Vancouver or was it the East Coast? I think it was West Coast. We could have been neighbors. It might have been UBC. Vancouver is very expensive. People turn down those jobs because it's a custom. Do you know where I live? I've slept in your basement.

40:48I know. I'm just saying. I live in a very, very expensive part of the world. I wouldn't say your basement is particularly expensive. Do you know how small my house is and how bad the views are compared to yours? Like if anybody sees the view from Kelly's house, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. And I live in a very expensive tiny bungalow in Washington. Yet they haven't visited me, but Ishwish is in Vancouver in 2027. Let's wrap it up with one more urology thing. So somebody's substack who will not be named said that women's genitals get bigger after menopause. And I was like, What? Yeah, exactly.

41:25So I was like, What? Somebody said that? This statement on a Substack was not, no sources were cited. And so I was like, Do I not know this? Do we just get kind of dangly and swollen? Like what happens after menopause? And this was like literally a week ago. So then I go on to Claude and all of the search engines and basically do my own research. And I did two posts on Instagram that are two MRI studies, one of which is over 20 years old. So we've known this for a while. And they MRI'd pre - and post-menopausal pelvises. And it's not true. The vagina shortens. You literally can't MRI the rugae.

42:02The rugae are gone. The clitoris is smaller. So we have MRI studies showing female genitals shrink after menopause. So I want to discuss that. And then I also want to discuss what we know about penis size and testicle size and testosterone after that. well also just anecdotally i mean has you if you've ever examined have you ever seen a huge female genitals after no the occasional labia minora what does that even mean what was the argument all i think all is not lost i don't know i kind of blacked out after i read it and like went down a research search i could imagine waking up three days later like covered in research papers like what was that like i don't know why they would say that and if you're gonna say something groundbreaking back it up with a citation or two or six the only comment i have on this is that we we do sometimes notice more urethral prominence in the post-menopausal women but this is for a number of reasons like closing of the entroitis so basically the urethra takes up more of the opening.

43:06So for people who don't really understand, I'm basically saying, if you were to take the vulva in front of you and split the labia majora and labia minora and you look inside of this vulvar vestibule at the opening, the introitus, and instead of being a little bit of urethra and a lot of bit of valgenial opening, it looks like more urethra. I mean, that's probably the only thing I could say in terms of genitals looking bigger. But that's a relative bigger because it's really because the other genital shrunk. It's kind of like saying your penis got smaller because your belly got bigger. Yes. Your belly just got bigger.

43:40And then is penis size correlated with testosterone? I mean, you can have shrinkage if you have... If it's low. Yeah, we know like androgen deprivation therapy creates atrophy of the penis, right? So there's definitely testosterone. Yeah. So the end testicles are smaller. But within normal, between somebody who has a testosterone of 600 and a testosterone of 800, like you would not be able to line those people up side by side and know which one had a higher baseline T based on the side of their penis. It's just that for a given person, if they go through a period of basically profound loss of testosterone, they can have reduction in size of their penis.

44:19But that's not the determinant of overall penis size. Ruben, did you want to add anything to these MRI studies? MRI studies for over 20 years that are genital shrinking. Yeah, but nobody reads articles. They just like to say things. I'm more trying to get people from Heated Rivalry to come to ISWISH conferences, February 25th to 28th, 2027. Can you believe that we are going to be able to see the year 2027? But more importantly, anybody listening, if you have listened to six episodes of us crazy people talking about this, if you've made it all the way through, if you don't come to ISWISH in February 25th to 28th, 2027, what are you even doing with your life?

44:56I mean, the whole point of this is you clearly like us. You're clearly interested in science and medicine and talking about sexual medicine. You should come to ISWISH. You should get involved. You should take the courses. You should learn how to practice sexual medicine. We love patient advocates. You're invited too. You can come and party with us. We are kind of boring. We don't party that hard, but we have a lot of fun. The party's end by nine, but we drink a lot of coffee during the day. Yeah, we do. We go to bed. But most importantly, we will have a session on heated rivalry and hopefully someone will join us, but maybe not.

45:26It might just be the three of us talking about it. Let's be real. science. Come for the science. I love it. Can we talk about one more thing having to do with erotica that I learned? I learned about this at UC Irvine and I actually learned about this from Jessica. Do you guys know about tentacle erotica? Yeah. I mean, I don't watch it, but I know about it. Okay. So it's a whole subset of erotica. It's octopus, giant squid and monsters with tentacles that enrapture the female and have sex with her with their tentacles why because people want to be like restrained it's actually very big in asia oh because of like roping and like roping people because it's like restraint and it's also like being overwhelmed with like like it's a game this podcast is sponsored by joy and blokes One thing I've always believed, if I'm helping one person with their sexual health, I always have to think about who's on the other side of that relationship because intimacy doesn't happen in isolation.

46:31And I've said this for years, if I'm prescribing a blue pill for a man, what about his partner? Are they dealing with pain during sex, low libido, hormonal changes? Are they both healthy enough to enjoy the relationship they're trying to build together? I see it with women and their health all the time too. She starts optimizing her hormones, more energy, better sleep, the brain fog lifts, libido comes back, and the next thing I hear is, now my husband needs help too. That's one of the reasons I like Joy and Blokes. They care for both women and men, connecting patients with licensed clinicians for personalized hormone optimization when it's clinically appropriate.

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48:01So each arm is like a different brain independent lover. Um, and the point of the story is even though you're a sex med doc and you are comfortable talking. There's still things you don't know. Oh, I don't know anything. And that's why we keep going to Ishwish and hanging out with Jessica in California because they teach us. Everybody teaches us new things and that's why it's very fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. We don't know anything about sexual medicine. I mean, what did Josh teach us about fraud? What was the fraud? The master fraud. Frauderism. Too fraught. Yeah, I didn't know about that. There's so much we don't know, my friends.

48:33There's so much to learn. We're going to leave everybody with that. Is the true definition of an expert is one who knows that there's so much we don't know. This was so fun to do. Thank you so much for putting us together in this amazing journey. So we were in Rachel's hotel room watching Heat of Rivalry. During his wish of 2026. During his wish, 2026. And I said, could we do one episode? Can we just paint the picture for people? We are in a hotel room and it was a true sex med conference because in that hotel room was an internal medicine doc, a psychiatrist, a sex therapist, two female urologists, a gynecologist, a brief visit from a vibrator company.

49:13And we were all just watching these episodes together and having a multidisciplinary watch party. It was so fun. And I just want to be clear that neither Kelly nor Ashley would watch this show until I threatened friendship after many months. I had not even heard of it. And I probably still wouldn't have if you hadn't. It took me a while, but thank you for listening to me. I'm not going to say I told you so, but I fucking told you so. Yeah. Well, it's like, you know, once you learn that about a friend, how right they are, I won't make the same mistake in the future. You see? Yes. I'll try to be careful with my recommendations.

49:48This one seems to have hit a home run. So we did a good job. We did. Now your batting average is very high. Thanks for having me. So I said, can we do one episode? And she said, let's do six. I did? Yes. I'm regretting that decision, to be honest. You did get to do a hard hangout, though. This was in the words of Amy Poehler. This was a good hang. It was a good hang. I'll be I'll be honest. All right, everybody. We will see you in Ish-Wish. And thanks for coming to the podcast today and all the days. Thank you for having me. If you found this episode funny, helpful, insightful, please take a moment to follow, rate and share the You Are Not Broken podcast with someone who might need this conversation, too.

50:30That support is how this information reaches more people. And thank you. For courses, books, and my monthly membership, and the Casperson Clinic information, visit kellycaspersonmd.com. This podcast and all content from Dr. Kelly Casperson is intended for educational and informational purposes only. And this is not a substitute for individual medical, coaching, or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your qualified healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding your health. Never disregard or delay medical advice because of something you've heard on this or other podcasts.

51:11Thanks for being here, and remember, you are not broken.