Episode 63: Kendra Rene Jennings

0:28This podcast features Kendra Rene Jennings.

0:50Turn off your alarm.

0:57Beth, can you?

1:03Oh, damn it. And he forgot his recorder. Again. God, he's lucky he's so cute, because otherwise he'd probably forget that too.

1:19This is Supervisory Deputy U.S. Marshal Bass Marlow. Today is May 9th, 2023, and today I'll be in the arches on business. Please leave a message, or if an emergency, please contact me on talk group 4. Sweetheart, you left your recorder. You also left your alarm on during my day off, waiting for the test results. So you owe me Kansas. This evening it's ladies' choice. I'm not talking about the movie. I'll bring the recorder up to lunch and you can pick it up there.

1:54Kendra Rene Jennings:Well, hello, and welcome to the Amundsen-Scott voicemail system. Please enter your extension. Thanks. Now, please enter your passcode. Oh, boy. You have three messages. Message one. Hello, Dr. Jennings. I hope you are feeling better. I wanted to let you know the keg has voiced another word. Same repeating cadence, three times with a confidence level of 98.9%. The word is... Brave force. I'll also call the deputy marshal to let him know as well. We all miss you in the lab and hope to see you soon. Deleted. Hold on for your second message. Hello? Hello? Oh, you have to speak up there, young lady.

2:44Home connections aren't the best down here, and I really do hope this is QVC and not one of those Nigerian princes again. That was a kerfuffle. Okay, as a matter of hand, I'd like to order one of those Hometics Gal Ultrasonic Top-Filled Humidifiers. It's awfully dry down here, you know. The skin is all itchy. Item number V84538. And my credit card number is 401. Deleted. Hold on for your third message. Morning, Kendra. I know you took the day off today for testing and results. Just a reminder to be down here by 9 a.m. so we can make the communications window later today. We have everything set up with John Hopkins in Baltimore, and three of their best technicians are standing by.

3:32We'll go ahead and get the final samples from you then, and I'll have them run in parallel. Don't forget to continue fasting until you come in. Only water or black coffee. But none of the hash browns or eggs Miss Alice is cooking this morning.

3:47Not again. Alrighty then, 9am sharp. Oh, and normally I wouldn't be able to say anything, but the deputy said I had his permission, so just letting you know that his was the last test for your lot and it came back negative. So let's get you in and make it negative across the board. Ta, take it handy. I'd be happy to replay that message if you want.

4:10Kendra Rene Jennings:Just hit 2. If you want me to delete it, please push 3. I'll also forward your message. Gosh, no problem at all. Just push 4. The roof. The roof. The roofs is on fire. We don't need no water. Let the... Ha ha ha, little church mouse. I have not seen you in age of dog. How have you been doing? Uh, oh, morning, Mikhail. Good to see you two. I'm okay. I'm just enjoying some tea and oatmeal now that, that I'm able to. Is Vini, church mouse. Mikhail does not understand. Did you not like the oatmeal before? Huh? No, no, I just had to take some blood tests this morning, so I couldn't eat anything until afterward, but even now I'm not very hungry, you know?

5:10Just nervous. Sounds very serious. I will sit and chat with you for a bit, give Russian comfort and support, and I would also offer cheer, but I left flasks of vodka in my berth this morning. So everything is okay with your health? I'm... that's why I took the test this morning, to make sure I'm all right. I've been not feeling well myself for the past few weeks. This is just making sure it's not serious. I see. Mikkel has noticed over the past few months you and Tovorish have become very serious. Not the lovey-dovey serious, but in your behaviors around station serious. very uh how saying goes weight of world is on your back that's certainly the truth the winter season starting bass's nomination and judicial hearings troubles back in the united states my mother coming down here it's just one problem after another after another

6:34Plus, there's other things weighing on my mind. That is a lot of weight, Churchmoss. You are correct. If you don't mind me saying, Mikkel also knows you to overreach Puppet Man to bias many others. Secret missions. A secret mission? Everybody forgets Janitor gets around station quite a bit. Mikkel sees you all heading out in a strange direction and I several times. He's nothing to worry about. Mikkel is from Russia, remember? We know how to keep our mouths shut so late night visits from KGB do not happen. You all know that's trying to be good guys. Sneaking around, keeping secrets and helping how you can reel.

7:30Heroes of Hogan. I don't know that one, Mikhail. Heroes of Hogan. It is about the Americans who are captured by Germans in World War II, the sequel. They are in the gulags until war is over. But what the Germans do not know is this is exactly where they want to be. In an enemy prison camp? That sounds horrible. Yes, Church Miles. They have the whole under-the-grounds operation in camps. That is not just switching the words either. They dig tunnels, have secret rooms under the camp. They help others who are captured to escape and foil many of the German war plans by sneaking into the towns. Colonel Hogan and his men actually ruined so many enemy plans that the Americans want them to stay where they are.

8:23They are vital for good of war effort. What they do not think about, though, was the weight of this activity that they are being asked to do. So much responsibility and information to pass on to the Allies. It's very tricky as they also must be making sure they do not get Colonel Liglash and Sergeant Funniman sent to a Russian front. Germans are very scared of our front. Hogan and his heroes knew what they were doing was very dangerous. If they were discovered, it would be very bad for them. They'd probably be shot. Very big risks they were taking. This, this is what truly makes them the heroes.

9:11Despite the danger, despite all the risks, they knew they were only soldiers in the right places and also right times. They knew they could do so much good for their country, for the war. If they did nothing and just wait for war to be over, who knows if it would be their side that won. In many ways, I like to think that Americans won World War II, the sequel, because of Hogan and his men. It's like saying, my dear Dado tells me he makes up one time heavy is the head that wears the many government secrets crown. I'm not sure that translates properly. So, um, this Colonel Hogan, did he ever get caught with his secrets in hidden tunnels?

10:05Oh, several times the eyeglass colonel and Sergeant Funnyman almost find out. The Gestapo came really close one time, but yet they were successful until end of show. You two, you and these heroes, you are all in the right places in the right times. Mikhail does not know the secrets or hidden tunnels you have here, but I'm willing to bet that if you did nothing with whatever you know is happening, you would not be comfortable with it.

10:42No. You're right, Mikhail. I don't think I would be. That helps. I appreciate your input as per usual. Meh. This is what I do, little church mouse. I keep station clean as whistles. I try to write haiku poems to change worlds. And I remind all the smarty pants of highest form of American contribution to art. The comedy television situation show. Ahem. With that, Miguel must check traps he set in the bathrooms. I might be under the track of the poop bandit. Ew. Now I'm definitely done with my oatmeal. Good luck with your hunt. I see nothing. I hear nothing. Miguel knows nothing.

11:38Oh, good morning, Dr. Janins. How we doing over here? I'm alright, Miss Alice. How are you doing? Oh, I can't complain, you know. Could always be worse. But, uh, there's something wrong with your oatmeal there? Oh, no. It tasted fine. Stomach is just in knots today, I think. Well, cripes almighty, something tells me you've been dropping a few pounds, though. Well, you're already such a tiny little thing, you know. I sure hope if you're trying to slim down, you're being careful about it. No, no, not that. I'm just... I must have a bug I'm working through. Well, I hope it's not catching. Can't afford to be down at all, not with midwinter coming up in a few weeks there.

12:28Funny enough, Dr. Tims assured me this can't be transmitted person to person, so you're safe. Whew. Well, if I wasn't a little concerned before, gosh darn it, now I sure am worried. Well, I saw Mikhail was just here talking to you, and he usually turns frowns right side up quick. But guess even his charms ain't working today, huh? Ooh, oof, oof. Ooh, oof-da. I forget I'm not getting any younger. I need to be sitting down more, I suppose. Huh. Well, that just might be why this was always one of the most comfortable places for me when I was still really struggling with my social anxiety. Sometimes, well, a lot of times.

13:15I miss hearing people talk proper. Like, back home in Minnesota. Oh, you know, I always meant to ask you about that. So where exactly back home are you from again? Well, technically I was born in Oregon, while my mother and dad were on speaking circuit for universities. But my home, where I was raised until leaving for college, was in Worthington. Right by Lake Okabina, close to the Iowa border. Oh, a selfie gal then. I can't say I know Worthington too well though. I came from Redwood Falls, but I guess no matter where you come from in Minnesota, the saying is always the same. We don't have mosquitoes, we've got state birds.

14:06So, what happened to your accent then? Ugh, my mother happened. She was... Always a prim and proper lady of fine breeding and education, from only the best stock of Cambridge. Ugh, honestly, she didn't care for any of the American dialects. Tried to put me and my siblings into private schools to learn proper vocabulary. When I get mad, like really flustered or angry, then the Minnesotan sneaks back. Just ask Bass. Oh, I darned wouldn't believe it. What about the accent coming back more than you getting all worked up there? I just can't picture it. You're the sweetest little angel. Thank you, Miss Alice, but it does happen, I promise.

14:55Well, you don't say. Okay, so what's the thing you miss most from back home, then? Oh. Wow. That's tough. But, you know, I really loved going to Valley Fair. Getting up early on a Saturday and driving the three and a half hours up to Shakopee. Any trip up there was a treat. And our big brother would take us to all the rides, and we could get all the candies we could ever want. And there was this fudge shop just to, like, the left of the entrance, and we could go in and get so many samples. And we never even bought a box, but... just that like smell of vanilla and then on the ride home oh I remember the sky being so clear once you hit 90 west and you were between the towns you could really start to see the galaxy and then the milky way would just kind of hover in the lights and I think it was one of the first times I really knew that I wanted to learn everything there was about it

16:08Oh, well, I can hear you there, sweetie. It really is pretty out there, isn't it? Okay, but I do have a follow-up question for you, and this is super important. Casserole or hot dish? Oh, hot dish, come on, no contest. Duck, duck, gray duck. Well, if you went down to the bar and grill, what would you play? Oh, I never went to the bars back home. I was way too shy, but I remember one time my brother Devin won$100 playing pull tabs. All right, if you're talking pop, what's your flavor? Well, you know, I never turn down a cold root beer unless it's winter. And then it's hot chocolate. Oh, there's our gal.

16:55Knew we could get you to sneak it out. That's about right there. Ms. Alice? Can I get your help over here real quick, please? Okay, then. Time to head out, I suppose. I need to run so we can get lunch ready here shortly. If you want to stick around, though, I'll make you a juicy Lucy. It's not on the menu, but anything for you, girl. I have an appointment I need to get to shortly, and I'd like to take a walk on the treadmill before that, so... Maybe later?

17:26Well, okay, then. Keep her between the ditches.

17:56Oh, brilliant. Just what was missing from my day. Visit from the... from the member of the Goody Two-Shoes Brigade. It's a matter, love? Afraid you're putting on too many stones after eating all six of those crisps you call dinner? I have a few minutes to waste. Besides, I like walking. Helps my mind to focus. Helps me think and get centered. Also increases my memory. Such as how I never fully thanked you for your involvement in having my mother sent down here for a few weeks. Oh, you are quite welcome. Just sadly, old gal couldn't stay longer. Had both you and Marshmallow positively on edge.

18:39You know, you and I haven't talked. I mean, like, not at all since the first day I met you after you arrived at the dinner. My boyfriend, of course, has some, well, obviously very strong opinions in regard to you, but... Can I ask you a question? Oh, this should be good for a laugh. Go ahead. Are you happy?

19:10Am I what? It's a simple question. Are you happy? Not very many people see you on station, and the few who do say you always sit alone. In the galley, at Reno's bar, during movie nights. You sit by yourself with an air of don't get too close, hanging in the air around you, hanging thick.

19:36I don't fancy hanging around, and I have nothing in common with any of you lot. I'm here to do my job, not establish social connections. I remember when I was younger, in my late teens, and how all I wanted... No, wanted isn't correct. All I could deal with was being introverted. I'd look all around and see others involved in conversations and laughing and carrying on. They always looked so happy and content, and I couldn't have that because of my anxiety. I thought I just wasn't wired to be like that, and a solitary life is what I was meant for. It wasn't until many years later I figured out that interaction and friendship wasn't impossible for me to have, just more difficult than for others.

20:23It wasn't because I couldn't do it, but because I was forbidding myself to leave what was then my own comfort zone. Like it was for me, I think it's the same for you. Isolation is a choice, not a condition. It never has to strictly be that. What in the bloody hell are you on about? Are you honestly presuming to know me? Doctor! I think it's more about relating than knowing, really. No, I'm not saying I know who you are and what motivates you, but... It doesn't take a scientist to make proper observations and identify patterns.

21:08You know I really need to invest in AirPods for when I'm in here. I get it. I promise you, I do. You're obviously a very... intense individual. But you're professional, you're dedicated, and you're serious about what you do. Motivated and goal-oriented. Those are all great things to be. But at the end of the day, what is it all for? Long-term, what's the plan? What about... love?

21:48Love! Oh, doctor. Give me a detachable showerhead and proper water pressure and I have that covered just fine. I'm not talking about strictly sex. I'm talking about love. Finding someone, some woman or man or person to call your own. Someone to tell all your woes to and grow old with. Watch stupid legal procedural television together and experience sunsets. Nope, not for me. Is that the choice you've determined is the right one for you, or is that just a corner your life has painted itself into?

22:30One doesn't always need a life partner to be complete. Look, why are we even having this conversation again? Like I said, I don't really know you. I know what Bass has told me about you, but that's all it is. What he knows of you. Look, if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that tomorrow isn't promised to anybody. So much of my life was spent alone because I thought that was all that was possible. I didn't even try to look at alternatives, and I can't get back those years, the decade, and then some. I can't get it back. And you have what? Ten years on me? How long have you been putting everything else first and you last?

23:15And what... Is that truly, really what you want and what's right for you? Are you happy?

23:27Are you alright? What? No, I mean... Yes. Just... A lot on my mind these days. But that's not what we're talking about. Right now this is about you. Ugh.

23:47I need to head to my appointment. Thanks for the chat. You know, if you ever want somebody to talk to... Yep. Cheers, love. Absolutely will keep that in mind. Right. Okay, then.

24:14It's natural to have these thoughts, and more acutely given the last week. How's that been going, by the way? The last week?

24:26I feel like I've had almost every single emotion that exists. Sadness, depression, anger, resentment, fear. Lots of fear. All very powerful and very dark emotions to have. Especially one after the other. How have you been coping with all of those? I tried throwing myself into my work for the first day or two. That was a miserable failure. Try as I might to keep my mind occupied, soon enough those dark and bad scenarios, worst case type of scenarios, would start to sneak into my head. I was making too many mistakes, so I spoke with Dr. Jovak and Zeke, and they agreed to give me the rest of the week off.

25:10Zeke got it immediately, and I'm sure he still feels guilty, so he didn't need convincing. Dr. Jovak, once I got him to focus and stop talking about how he never knew tomatoes were a fruit and not a vegetable, he gave me leave as well, and I told him I was sick, and he told me to avoid vegetable juice as it had misleading ingredients. After I had the time, I've been sleeping in really late and not eating all that much. I'm always tired, and I've been having stress-induced nausea, or from the Q fever nausea. I imagine every day feels like it's on separate battle. What's been the hardest part? Depends on the hour.

25:59mornings are the worst waking up those first few seconds when I forget and then it all crashes back in the waiting the not knowing, the inevitability of it, and there's the rest of the day where I get to sit and watch the world move on knowing my life is stuck on pause until those damn results come back so you feel trapped? yeah Yeah, I do. Everyone else got their answers, and they're fine. They're free, and I'm just here, holding my breath. That's a lot of weight to carry alone. I'm not alone. Not physically, at least. Bass has made sure of that. And how's that been? He's been incredible More than I could have ever asked for, but also completely insufferable Insufferable?