S3 E4: Criticism, Confidence, and the Personal Brand Rollercoaster

0:00Welcome to Brand You, the ultimate personal branding podcast. I'm Kaz Grant and I'm Toby Lee. Together we're here to help demystify personal branding and to make it accessible and effective for everyone. Follow along as we guide you through creating your own personal branding journeys. So let's get started. Let's brand you.

0:25Hi everybody and welcome back to the Brand You podcast proudly sponsored by Sparkhouse. Sparkhouse is a fantastic business office space in the heart of Lincolnshire. If you need business office, go and contact them. We'll make sure that their contact details are below. In this episode, we're going to be talking about handling criticism, confidence, and the personal branding rollercoaster, because it is a rollercoaster. You're definitely going to have ups and downs running a personal brand. I feel like I've kind kind of got like a an angelic halo above my head when I say I've not really experienced any criticism that I know of whether people are criticizing me behind my back over at times I'll never know and I'm okay with that but yeah I thought I'd just throw that out there straight away that it's like yeah I feel feel terrible for people that do face comments and things on LinkedIn or social media and that haven't not really experienced it myself but yeah well we We were talking about this a little bit before we started this episode, weren't we?

1:29And I said to you, well, it's because you're so nice. But part, not in a bad way, that's a good way. But part of your personal brand is to be a nice guy who would be approachable, who people would want to go to, feel comfortable with. I'm just perfect. I think that's what I'm saying. There's nothing to criticize. So modest. No. I did say, guys, that his quip's too perfect. Maybe they'd criticize that. It's too perfect, isn't it? How did they get it like that? No, it is an interesting one. I wonder if, because I'm not the kind of personality to put an opinion on the line or to... yeah. You're not rocking the boat, are you?

2:06No. You're not saying like every other photographer in the world is rubbish because they don't do this. Here's why your headshot's crap. Here's why your headshot's crap. Yeah. Like you're not... again, but you'd probably attract a certain person to do that, but you don't want to attract those people. I do attract nice people. I have nice clients. You want to attract... yeah. so you keep doing what you're doing okay all right don't turn into a knob i was thinking because i'd not receive criticism i was doing something wrong but no it's not to say you are doing something wrong if you receive criticism because no yeah well this is the thing with criticism isn't it it's again you can receive it by being the nicest person in the world online as well yeah or being the worst person on the world so so do take criticism online with a pinch of salt there's lots of different criticism isn't there and there's you know you could be criticized but not even have anything to warrant being criticized on online so there are a lot of people out there that are hiding behind keyboard warriors that just want to that's their that's their whole job online is to show up and be horrible to somebody like literally that's their sole purpose in life so you you're gonna have to get over people like that first of all because even if you did and i think at some point you probably will hit something you it's almost like an impossibility really if you're showing up online there are just a lot of random annoying people that is their job to just cause hatred online there really is but when you know that and you understand that you can take it for what it is because whenever I've like got a bit of criticism online or anything like that I've almost like straight away I think this is interesting but straight away I look at who the profile is as well and I'm like ah interesting that you're criticizing me for showing up all the time and for being visible um when you haven't even got a photo of yourself on there like you're hiding you're hiding and you're criticizing everybody else but you're not even brave enough to step on there yourself you're not even brave enough to criticize someone with probably your real name on there so almost instantly like any criticism like that like brush off yeah so I think there's two ways to look at today's episode to discuss with the criticism part is one from strangers and the other side is from loved ones because I know there's like two sides of that coin isn't there yeah and I've I've had both a little bit so maybe I've made it tick got those but you know not not to extremes and i think this is the thing i think if anybody's scared out there and maybe doesn't want to show up because they're worried about the criticism that they can face it's not all the time and it's not in a really bad way and it's not you know someone writes something horrible but they haven't got to face this account you can brush it off you can delete an account of theirs you can block them you can protect yourselves in loads of ways so there's brush off ones that are strangers but then there's maybe comments that hit and do punch you in the gut a bit and I think the ones that have done that to me in an instant where I felt horrible about it it's been because of my imposter syndrome has taken that a certain way right and that's the moment where I'm like I have been found out right okay and so it's my insecurities kicking out it's not even the person's comment or I have no idea in what way they've meant that yeah if it is in a harmful way malicious way if they were just angry with the world that day if it was just a bot or anything I've taken it on but so almost like taking that time yourself to think that's interesting like why has that come up for me and to start kind of digging deeper into that and to be like okay yeah this is my own insecurities here yeah and to not react to a comment because it would be too easy when that imposter syndrome hits you get that feeling to go back and attack yeah yeah but actually that's just going to escalate and escalate and start a whole like online war yeah what kind of what kind of comments or things are we talking about when we talk about this kind criticism like because i i guess there's a variation isn't there's a lot of you know hate messages based on people's appearances um if somebody disagrees then sometimes they can write it in a non-very helpful communicative way that kind of sounds like the disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing um what what else could people be fearful of and this isn't to build up the fear but it's to kind of acknowledge that this could happen and therefore there are ways to kind of avoid it affecting you yeah and and to get it out there yeah like if this is our biggest fear and it's stopping us let's confront that right now and let's see why yeah what we can do about it and how we can get around it because it's just it's just a fear because like i say from my experience like i've had a pleasant time being visible online so far but you all come out of would work now yeah yeah toby's just all the hate i've had since no whole world of grits no but as in but you know i i mentioned because i do feel quite naive and vulnerable to what other people might go through but i also know i'm a white middle class male as well so that's going to have a huge impact you know people aren't going to jump into my comments and tell me they disagree with something yeah i i get that that is the unfortunate way the world's hiss yeah yeah yeah and there is a lot of appearance and a lot of comments on stuff like that as well and again isn't it interesting because no matter how we all look and are and our backgrounds and where we've come from or anything again is it that or is it our perception of that in our heads because again we can create stories of how that particular thing has held us back for all those years so then we see this one comment that again might not be in a hateful malicious way in a challenging way of something we've said in the post we interpret it to be like they hate us because of our race religion size sex whatever whatever and again it's like it's just taking that step back from the criticism in that kind of way and just thinking from the other person's perspective what might that have actually meant and why does it trigger me so much and does it warrant a response from me or actually does it not and is it that hateful hurtful horrible horrendous that I need to block and report this because of our elements as well like some things are going to be awful and it's at that point if you deem it to be awful you do have the power to report it and block it and and that's within your rights and your power to do that you've got to protect your own online space but I think sometimes it's not actually that horrible or awful again it's we get triggered by something within something yes yeah yeah yeah and it's like oh I actually like some criticism in a way that it informs some future posts for me sometimes so when we're talking about like strangers so it wasn't me directly but we received a comment no as a message on um instagram's the quirky instagram feed um basically someone called tony who is he called tony don't know doesn't have a profile picture completely probably fake account but it was something like saying um you have no client evidence here you're talking absolute shite whatever it wasn't quite worded like that blah blah blah blah and i was like okay tony well that's a bit extreme you could have you could have said that a bit nicer do you have any testimonials from clients that you've worked with in the past or anything that you could show us you know if he was a genuine person wanting to work with us or anything yeah he would have said have you got anything like that so he's probably not yeah but I looked at that and I thought do you know what Tony that is very interesting and I will definitely create this into my own post dissecting your very angry horrible message the other day because there's ways of wording this So that's future content for me to cover.

10:37But then also I looked at it and I thought, do you know what? Because we are quite a new brand and we're personal branding. So it takes a while to get someone's personal brand off the ground enough to give us stats and analytics and figures that mean anything. Actually, I haven't shared any up to this point. Yeah. Because we didn't have them when we first started. So I couldn't go on Instagram straight away and go, I can revolutionize your personal brand. here's the stats from where which tony will be getting pushed adverts by marketers who will be doing the classic here's how we you know got this person a 10 000 pound retainer every month you know and it's there's no evidence behind any of that stuff but yeah you know yeah yeah exactly yeah someone holding a microphone here so therefore it's got to be credible yeah exactly exactly but that's the thing isn't it but then I've recently got our analytics from our clients working with our clients and now I've created content again that shares some analytics from our clients or some comments or some testimonials or whatever that might be so I was like thank you so so you can turn criticism sometimes into okay because so sometimes criticism might be again it might not be malicious and horrible it might be something like well you've never shown us that or I don't understand what you do or whatever and you're trying so hard on your personal brand to get the messaging out again it like triggers you to like I'm doing everything I bloody can't but actually are you and if they're not quite understanding the messaging maybe they need a bit more and maybe again that can inform your future posts as to what you do so criticism can sometimes be good um if you take it in the right way and with a pinch of salt online and again if If there's anything horrendous out there and awful, block them.

12:25Don't start an online war with them because you're never going to win with those people. The only person you're going to continue to make angry is yourself. You're not going to change their whole opinion of the world and make them suddenly like your race, your size, your sex. It's not going to happen. The damage has been done way before they've ever come onto your profile. So don't try and change that. just report it block it and let them hopefully decide to not be like that in the future but good luck so that's the strangers isn't it yeah i think loved ones is a another kettle of fish as well isn't it and you've not well no because you again you've got a lovely personal brand i get feedback on stuff and and that but yeah i won't say i won't say criticism yeah yeah is it i've not done anything that's made our own go why have you done that yeah is it feedback feedback or would somebody else maybe take it as criticism and again because you've got that mindset of always growing always improving being that nice guy you don't take it as criticism because actually you it is taken in the light it's meant to be taken and you just want to improve on that yeah possibly i don't i try not to read into things other than face value yeah yeah i think again that's a superpower isn't it if someone ever did like leave a bit of an ambiguous comment I think I would find it easy distance myself and go okay I don't know why they've put that but yeah yeah yeah we're the wrong people to have this conversation with aren't we because we're both quite it would take a lot to offend us or upset us I think because again we've got that objective view of things we've got that why would we let that one thing bother us when there's so much more to worry about in life and to think about and to have to cope with so we've both got that kind of way about us haven't we so we need someone that gets really angry with criticism to come in and like yeah or even you know even someone who cuts themselves out there in a way that they voice opinions you know because i i guess looking back at previous guests you know we had um you know francesca and we had um rebecca healed as well and they both talked in their experiences that you know they are a bit more forward rebecca certainly with what she's trying to do in construction um and you know you can see how that might invite more views and debates and disagreements and people don't always do those in the best ways do they and it also comes across not in the best way yeah so if you were sat opposite ends of a table with those people and chatting about it yes yeah you'd get a lot more of a good understanding of the way it was meant and how it should have come across yeah a message or a text yeah and likewise it only serves as a lesson as well when you're putting stuff out there to kind of go okay well maybe it's my communication maybe i didn't phrase that clearly enough because they haven't understood what it was i was getting at you know so and some things take a deep dive as well yeah so i've seen sometimes someone's put a post out or something and again it has got back a lot of criticism and stuff but that's because the subject matter is so deep nuanced huge yeah yeah that a post of a certain amount of characters can't really do it just so it is just a snippet of that yeah and again it would be better on a debate or a podcast or something where you've got a few people discussing it because again I think a post is very difficult to some of the subject matters that are out there yeah cast opinion so okay so that's like most of the time that's strangers though isn't it I don't think I've heard no either of them as much or myself or anyone getting it from loved ones but But I have heard people who, when I've spoken to them, have started businesses, have started putting themselves out there.

16:36And even like one guy once said that, you know, his mate started a whole WhatsApp group without him. Oh, really? To like trash talk what he was doing because he was putting himself out there on social media. Wow. I was like, well, first of all, like rethink your friends. because yes those friends might have been great friends as you were growing up as you were getting to a certain point in your life yeah but really if they're going to act like that do you want them in this next phase of your life are they ever going to support your business your goals your dreams you as a person if they're going to do that probably not really sad it's really sad isn't it i know really sad but look at it like that like it's really sad on them more than anything isn't no yeah definitely yeah because it's like you could also just support your friends and people and even if you don't agree with what they're doing exactly yeah they're doing it for a reason let's just well done cheer them along a bit like you don't have to be horrible to them do you but no and often a lot of that stuff comes out of envy at times as well doesn't it of like not being able to do that themselves you know those those people at what's up group would never take the plunge and do do what these people are doing putting themselves out there showing up for the sake of building a business building a brand yeah yeah so yeah it's one thing we get taught in network marketing industry as well because it's such a misconceived industry like a lot of people have like preconceived ideas of it other people's opinions will never pay your bills so again that whatsapp group they're not going to build your business they're not going to pay your bills they're not going to do that so actually why do their opinions matter they don't but it can cut a bit deeper because they're loved ones the other thing with loved ones I think is they've seen us potentially be this version of ourselves yeah for such a long time and then suddenly we're becoming a next level version of ourselves and we're again we're being a bit better a bit different a bit that can scare them because they're growing so far apart from where you and almost that fear of you're getting ahead of them and they're going to lose you as a friend can act out in yeah I can imagine that the nicest kind of way can't it yeah but again that's not because they don't love you as a support it's just that fear of like oh my friend is like I've lost them yeah they're going and I can't keep up either so there's elements of that as well so I think again you've just got to be empathetic to everybody that you meet and see online and just try and treat them as you'd expect to be treated really wouldn't you so for those of you who don't know headshot toby studio is based here in spark house in lincoln they offer flexible office spaces business mentoring and even have virtual offices if you're not quite ready for a full-time desk as a sole trader and a photographer with lots of equipment it was really important i found somewhere that had space for me that was affordable so that I had plenty of room to grow my business in a way that was scalable.

19:47And Sparkhouse may just be the perfect solution too for you. Get in touch today by emailing sparkhouse at lincoln.ac.uk. And you'll also find our email address in the show notes below. So I think this is one of the things with like the criticism and the confidence of personal branding as well. It's that roller coaster, isn't it? Because you're kind of going along and then and you put your first post out there or another post out there, you feel like, okay, you've got it all right and it's okay. And then suddenly you hit this peak and then it's like, oh, it's out to the world. And then you're like, oh, overthinking, overthinking, overthinking.

20:21People are commenting. Is there some criticism on here? Is there whatever? Oh, right, next post. Right, we've got to do it all again, all again, all again. Overthinking, overthinking. And it is like a roller coaster, isn't it, sometimes? It's almost like every high needs to get higher as well in your head because you're almost thinking like well that one got so many likes so this one needs to get more or why didn't it get as many as that one so then you start overthinking it I've definitely been there when you start overthinking everything and thinking is what I'm doing right am I just going to change it all up you know I think that's one of the the tricky things about being in a brand or a business yourself isn't it it's you've only got your own eyes and your own thoughts and own input so as good as it is to enjoy the highs of that roller coaster ride yeah you've got to be prepared that lows do come when it's natural and it's fine and learn how to ride them out yourself you know how to focus on what does come down and make you feel a bit miffed sometimes has to pick up again yeah has to honouring that because it's a valid feeling and you are going to have the ups And like you said, business, like this is why some people don't go into business, because if you've just got a job, you go in, you get a job and you go home and that's it.

21:43Yes, someone in the office might piss you off or might like tell you off or something. So there's still rollercoaster bits. But when it's your baby in your business. Yeah, there's no one above you saying that's the right post to put out. That's the one post to put out. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely do three times a week. No, put five times a week. No, do this. And you've got to figure it all out yourself. but then there's that trust yourself element as well isn't there because again we've all got that inner voice that's like this isn't good enough this isn't great this isn't whatever I literally last week hesitated on a post and I was just literally it was like a throw throwaway post that I'd come back from a run in the office I have to talk about it because it's funny and Also, it's a great example of this.

22:27But I came back to the office, had a, I forgot it was called this, but a squatty shower. A squatty shower. Yeah, in the loos with the loo wipes. And then I was like spraying deodorant everywhere. And then I was like, right, put clean clothes on again. Right, go as far away from all my colleagues as possible. And I was like, this will make it. This is just a funny post, showing people my personality. There's no other rhyme or reason for it. It's not like a buy my stuff or do what I don't expect anything from this. it's probably gonna get i don't know how many impressions and that's it but i think it's cool i'm just gonna whack it out whacked it out the next day i was like that's a lot of followers why have i got a lot of followers like looking at it oh okay that well that's got a few comments right yeah okay reply back to all those comments kept going up kept going up it's still going up now a week later not even not quite a week later yet but it's still going up that post so my highest performing post before was about 20 20 odd thousand and i've had a couple of those again completely random posts though but not strategic ones but random ones and then um this one's got now something like 88 000 impressions on it this morning and it's just whacked my impressions fully up i haven't done any outbound like lead generation um reach outs this week it's all been like coming into me and people connecting with me sparking up those conversations and the dms with me i haven't had to go out to anyone to do that it's like i've been struggling to keep up with the messages and things just based off of that when it was such a stupid post and again in in the comments to that like that could have opened me up for a lot of criticism because like minga you haven't had a shower whatever it's like needs must guys like we're in the health and wellness like i want to live this lifestyle sometimes you're going to do what you're going to do yeah yeah yes if i stank and i had whatever then it would be horrible for everyone else i wouldn't do it but i don't tend to be that mad and actually again i had a shower with my spray but you just like sometimes you never know so i could have not posted that based off of the overthinking and then i wouldn't have got my one viral post up to date yeah you wouldn't think that's what was going to draw attention to you necessarily like and we've talked in particularly in series one about content pillars and you know what to be putting out there really thinking about what what topics it is you want to cover in your marketing and then you could put one post out like that that was done on the fly but you found a relevant moment and that's what's connected with people yeah and that was one of my content pillars so okay i've not shared like something random that isn't that's one of my health and wellness people know me for that but yeah that's the one that's done it so you just cannot overthink but also that wouldn't have happened without all those other ones along the way so I did a post afterwards like dissecting that post to my audience and saying some of the things but also I shared a graphic of the stats over a year and then that one viral post and I was like do you know what that wouldn't happen if all of that hadn't happened either.

25:47So because I have been consistently showing up for the last like a year and a half on LinkedIn, that's what enabled that one post to go like that. If I'd been sporadic or I hadn't shown up that much, that post wouldn't have got that. No, no. And it just takes that one to get that extra visibility. And again, nothing may come from that. I'm not chasing viral. This isn't something that I'm like, oh, yes, I'm chasing consistency and I'm chasing consistency with my visibility and being that approachable person to come to like that's that's my goal with it that's it if that opens doors brilliant but if a door doesn't open based off of that one viral post it's all good yeah yeah yeah good because it's all the posts that are opening doors so if we're looking at this roller coaster analogy and a listener is down at the bottom somewhere let's both give a tip as to what's going to get them going up again do you want me to go first yeah mine would be go back and look at your other content just go back whether you're on instagram or whatever your preferred channel is just go back and just flick through because i find that really nice sometimes when you're in your business alone to just go back and reflect on what you have done and what you have achieved and what you have already committed to the world yeah in terms of going this is what i'm about yeah i find sometimes that can either generate future ideas or give me that confidence to go oh yeah no that was a good post I'm gonna I'm gonna do something now and put myself out there again and get back on that train or roller coaster yeah I find that quite fulfilling yeah and you can see which has performed better out of all of your posts as well so you can see well can I recreate something that's similar to the one that did really well yeah sure maybe you can maybe you can't um but if you can great try and do that again see if it was a fluke or if it was every post is like it's it's a practice and a test like you're just seeing how things perform there's no it has to do this it has to perform like this it has to not when you're at general levels of everyone doing their own content when you're at levels where you're doing content for somebody and you've got the professionals in they are looking at all those things when it's just you like let's just go easy on ourselves a bit more and do that yeah i love that tip and on my tip be if someone's at the bottom of the roller coaster and they want to get up um get outside get outside get out of your bloody surroundings clear your mind for a second go and do something fun and the inspiration will hit you so I didn't have inspiration before that post I was at that like pre-lunch like oh I went for a run I got back and I saw all the beautiful nature like sounds and I saw all the beach nature nature views and I was like oh yeah brilliant then I got back to my desk then that inspiration hit I posted that and then it went crazy so take a step away sometimes when you're like, I need to create this and I need it, I need, I need.

28:54Yeah. Oh, you're too in it. Yeah, tunnel vision. Yeah, yeah. Go and walk a dog. And if you haven't got a dog, go and walk someone else's dog. Yeah, and then post about your dog because dogs always get good view. Yeah, post about someone else's dog that you borrowed. There you go. With their permission. There's some content. Yeah, here's a dog I stole for five minutes. Yeah, follow us for lots of other content inspiration. So today's action step, guys. we want you to, if you already have experience in what you're doing, to look back one, two, three years previous. And if you're having a bit of a confidence dip at the moment, look back at that and look at what you have already achieved.

29:35Pick out two, three, four, five things that you previously thought you'd never achieve out of those and just have that moment of being really proud of yourself. Because if you can do that, you can definitely do so much more. And then if you haven't got that previous experience because you're just starting out in life you're just starting out in whatever it is that you're going to achieve in the future think about what you want to achieve in the next year two three years and kind of almost forecast what those proud moments will be and and if you don't achieve them in that time it's cool they're goals they're just nice to have you'll be further along than you ever would if you didn't set anything but get excited about some of the things that you are going to be proud of yourself for doing and use that as a driver when you're in the dip to get you out of that dip and back on that upwards roller coaster again.

30:28So that wraps up another episode of the Brand You podcast proudly sponsored by Sparkhouse. Now we haven't done this before yet which is very bad as podcast hosts but also we just didn't want to put too much on you the listener. If you've enjoyed this episode or any of the other Brand you episodes we would love for you to head over to whichever platform you listen on and to click like follow subscribe whatever it is across spotify apple and youtube because that really helps us grow the podcast reach more people and allows us to do more in the future here's to branding you