5 Simple Ways To Transform Your Happiness in 2026 with Dr Rangan Chatterjee #606

0:02Hey guys, how are you doing? Hope you're having a good week so far. My name is Dr. Rangan Chatterjee and this is my podcast, Feel Better, Live More. Today's episode is a bonus end of year episode to celebrate the re-release of my fifth book, Happy Minds, Happy Life, 10 Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day. Now this book originally came out in March 2022 and since then I've quite literally received thousands of messages from readers all over the world telling me how much of an impact this book has had on them. And one of the central themes in those messages is that the book managed to break down something theoretical into something really simple about something that all humans really want, which is to be happy.

1:00Now I believe the message within this book has never been more important We're living in a world now where many people are struggling People feel anxious, stressed, they're scared about the state of the world And happiness often seems like it is the last thing that should be on anyone's mind But I absolutely disagree so I've decided to re-release this book in the UK in a lighter more accessible format the illustrated photos have gone there is a brand new cover which I think is my favorite cover out of all my books so far and to celebrate the new re-release there are two new sections a gorgeous forward from the author Oliver Berkman you may have heard on my podcast a couple of times in the past.

1:49He wrote 4 ,000 weeks and meditation for mortals. And there's also a new reflective chapter from me. Now, as I say, the message within this book, I believe, is more important today than ever before. And in today's bonus podcast, I want to share with you five powerful ideas or habits that will transform your life in many different ways. They are, of course, ideas and habits that I explore further in the book. But whether you choose to get the book or not, I hope that by applying these ideas on your life, you will notice improvements in how calm, connected and fulfilled you feel and ultimately your levels of happiness.

2:39Now I know this is a little bit different to the usual format for my podcast episodes where I tend to host conversations with guests. But I do like to put out solo episodes now and again, and I know from the feedback from you guys that you really, really enjoy them. So here I am in my studio with a fresh pot of coffee. The sun is shining. It's a beautiful, crisp, cold winter's day. And I really hope that what I'm about to share with you makes you think about your life a little bit differently and helps you increase the levels of your happiness. Okay, idea number one. Happiness is a skill. Now I think this idea is probably the most important idea I put forward in Happy Mind, Happy Life.

3:37You see, I think a lot of us believe that happiness is a passive process. it's something that happens to us when things in our external world go the way in which we want them to go so when my email inbox is clear when the people around me treat me nicely when I get the correct job when my boss doesn't overwork me when all these things happen most of which are outside my control I will be happy but I don't think that's a very helpful way to look at happiness. Happiness is our default state. You only need to look at children to understand that. Children can be happy, mindful, in the moment, just full of joy for the most simplest things in life.

4:27And I think we lose that along the way as we get older. It's our society and culture that starts to condition that away from us. But I fundamentally do believe that happiness is our default state. So the question then becomes, how do we get back to that default state? And what I found over the years is that the most helpful way to approach happiness is to see it as a skill. It's not something that just happens to you. It's an active process that you actually engage with. Now the thing about happiness is that if you were to pick 10 people off the street and all ask them what does happiness mean to them, you may well find that you receive 10 different answers.

5:17And I think that underpins another problem we have out there these days. We know we want it, but we don't know how to get it. We think it's something that it's not. we get seduced by these images in the outside world, that billboard image of the smiling couple with their beautiful children on a beach somewhere with the ocean and the sun shining. And we think that's what happiness is, but it's not. That's a pleasurable moment, but I don't believe that's the happiness that most human beings are looking for. and in Happy Mind Happy Life I talk about two types of happiness, junk happiness and core happiness.

6:05Junk happiness are the things that we often think will make us happy. A glass of wine, a bit of chocolate, Instagram or online shopping and I think all of us have our own junk happiness happiness habits of choice? When you feel a little bit uncomfortable, when there's a bit of internal discomfort, when you haven't had a good day, what habits do you go for? Now I'm not saying these things are necessarily problematic in and of themselves. I think now and again, all of these things are completely fine. The problem is when we engage in these junk happiness habits too often, or we make the fatal mistake of believing that those junk happiness habits are giving us the deep levels of happiness that we truly want, which they don't.

6:56In Happy Mind, Happy Life, I contrast junk happiness to core happiness. And I found that this definition of happiness is not only accurate, it's actually really useful for people. They can actually do something with it. And I've designed this model of happiness specifically so that it can be practiced and strengthened over time. The core happiness is not about bouncing out of bed every morning. It's not about the peak experiences of joy you might feel on Christmas morning with the kids or when you step off a flight abroad and feel that glorious first blast of sun on your face. It's about moving your baseline level of happiness upwards so that you can feel negative emotions less often and for shorter bursts.

7:46It's about developing a resilient bubble of happiness around you that offers you protection from the invisible stresses and strains of life. It's about making sure that your happiness is not overly dependent on other people or external events. And it's also about treating happiness as you treat your physical body, making it stronger with smart and effective regular practice. Now in the book I say you can picture core happiness as a three-legged stool. Each of the legs is separate but essential. If any one of them is knocked away your feelings of happiness will probably go down. So what are these three legs of the stool?

8:34Put it another way what are the three ingredients of happiness that every single human being wants? Well, the first one is contentment. Feeling content means being at peace with your life and your decisions. So what are the activities you do in your life regularly that give you that sense of peace and contentment? The second leg is control. And when I say control, I'm not talking about controlling the world. I'm talking about what are those things you do that give you a sense of control. And there's a very important but subtle difference. We know from the scientific research that people who have a strong sense of control over their lives are healthier, are happier, have better social relationships, and earn more money.

9:26And I think this is one of the reasons why this book is more important today than ever before. People feel that the world is out of control. They turn on the news or see how politicians speak to each other, whether it's wars or social conflict or cost of living issues. We feel powerless. We feel that the world is going a certain way and we can't control it. But here's the thing, you've never been able to control the external world. That is a fundamental truth of life. You might be able to influence parts of it, but most of it, most of it will do what it's going to do. The world is going to always do what the world is going to do but if you can cultivate the skill of developing a sense of control over your life through daily practices and rituals, it grounds you and makes you more resilient and you are better able to face the uncontrollables that do exist in the external world and will always exist.

10:32So that's the second leg. The third leg is alignment. Feeling aligned means that the person you want to be and the person who you are actually being out there in the world are one and the same. So the three ingredients are contentment, control, and alignment. And here's the really important point. Happiness is a skill, but you don't work on happiness directly, you work on the three ingredients. So you work on your alignment, you work on your contentment, and you work on your sense of control. And as you do that, what you'll find is that the side effect is that you are happier more often. Now, since this book came out, I've given countless talks around the world about this concept.

11:23And at every event, I challenge the audience to tell me where this model is lacking. I say, listen, this is a model I created to help people be happier. It's a practical model, which means people can do something about it. But I'm not attached to the model. I think it's complete. I'm yet to find a scenario in life that you can't put through this three ingredient lens. but if there is one out there, please tell me. And as of yet, no one has been able to present me with a scenario where these three ingredients don't hold true. So there may be someone out there who can, but I think for most of us, this is a really, really helpful model to think about happiness.

12:07So the summary for this idea is that happiness is a skill. It's a skill that you can cultivate and get better at when you know what to work on. And the way you work on your happiness is to work on your alignment, your contentment, and your control. Idea number two, define success for yourself. Now I've just outlined the three-part model for happiness, alignment, contentment, and control. And what I thought I'd do for the next few ideas is give you an example, a practical example from each of those three things. So you get an idea as to how you can apply that concept in your life. Remember, I'm saying you don't directly work on happiness.

12:49You work on alignment, contentment, and control. And it's very simple to do that. And there's loads of practical exercises in the book on how you can do that. The side effect of doing so is that you are happier more often. So for this second idea, I'm really talking about alignment. If you define success for yourself, we're basically talking about you creating an intentional life where you are deciding what you want, you're doing what is necessary to get what you want and you're not allowing the outside world to define success for you. So why is it that we often end up doing things that don't really make us happy?

13:34because if you've been listening to my podcast for a little while now, you will have heard this theme come up over and over again. Really, really successful people coming on, telling us, telling me, sharing with you that the success did not make them happy. They thought it would, but it didn't. and this is a really really common story people end up in their 30s or 40s or 50s and feel that they've ticked the boxes of societal success only to realize it didn't actually make them happy so a big idea in chapter one of the book is that success and happiness are often two separate things now they can be the same thing if you're really intentional but most of us are not so we end up playing someone else's game and even if we end up winning that game we realise that that was never the game we wanted to play in the first place so one powerful way that you can think about this right now and ask yourself if you're playing the right game or whether you are living that successful, happy, contented life is this if your life stayed exactly the same for the next 10 years would you be happy?

15:00And when I say exactly the same, I mean exactly the same. Your job, your relationships, the amount of time you have to see your family and friends, the amount of time you get to spend on your hobbies and the things that you enjoy. what comes up for you? Some of you I'm sure will be like yeah I'd be happy I've created this intentional life I'm playing by my rules I have consciously decided what success looks like for me but for a lot of you dare I say the vast majority of you I suspect that there are some elements that you would change. And that's completely okay. The question is there to provoke your thinking and to really get you thinking about, well, what does a happy and contented life look like?

16:02Because so many of us get seduced by society's definition of success and we chase the wrong things. So why do we? Well, there's so many different reasons, but one of the reasons is because there's a part of the brain that we all have that scientists call the system of desire. This system of desire, which operates on mid-brain dopamine circuits, is extremely powerful. It was designed by evolution at a time when food and other resources were often scarce, and it motivates us to compete with other people and grab as much for ourselves and our family as we can. It's not really interested in our happiness.

16:44Instead, it's programmed to make us think and behave in such a way that we maximize our chances of survival. And it's incredibly strong because it's a relic of a time when those chances often weren't very good. Now, in Happy Mind, Happy Life, I call this system the want brain. It's that part of you that is utterly convinced that a slab of chocolates, a bigger television, or a promotion at work will make you happy. And it tells you this is true multiple times a day. Now, one of the reasons we know that this is a lie is because of really clever research that involves contacting people at random times of the day, asking them what they're doing, and then asking how do they feel.

17:31And the consistent but surprising result is that activities the once brain sells us as fun such as eating chocolate, watching television or going around the shops actually leave us feeling less motivated, less confident and more depressed. This is what I was talking about earlier on, the difference between junk happiness and core happiness. Core happiness is the happiness that every single human being really wants and it's made up of alignment, contentment and control. But too often we chase junk happiness, which is why for so many of us, happiness seems out of reach. So what can we actually do about it?

18:17Well, one of my favourite exercises is called write your own happy ending. Now, I think this is a really, really valuable exercise to do, particularly at this time of year. now it doesn't take long but I would really really encourage you to do it either right now or once the podcast has ended and I really encourage you to write it down not just think about it it is so much more powerful if you commit pen to paper and you can actually read those words looking back at you so the exercise comes in two parts part one you fast forward all the way to your deathbed. So let's do that right now. Imagine you're at the end of your life.

19:08This is it. This is your final day. And as you're lying there and reflecting, what are three things you will want to have done?

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21:21And what's interesting is that although we're all different individuals and we're unique, we have different preferences, we kind of know what most people are going to say on their deathbed because we hear it time and time again from people who care for people at the end of their lives some of you may recall the conversation i had with bronnie ware a few years ago the palliative care nurse who spent years caring for people at the end of their lives and she said rongan at the end of people's lives they all tend to say the same few things. I wish I'd worked less. I wish I'd spent more time with my friends and family.

22:04I wish I'd allowed myself to be happy. I wish I'd lived my life and not the life that other people expected of me. That's what we're talking about here. How do you live your life? not someone else's life, your life. That's what alignment is all about, your inner values, and then getting your external actions to match up with them. This is a fundamental part of the deep happiness that we're all seeking. If you are living someone else's life and you may be winning at that game, you're not going to be happy because deep inside you, you know that's not your life. It's not your path. So that's where this exercise comes in and this is why it's so powerful.

22:51So think about it. You're on your deathbed. What are three things you'll want to have done? And you want to write them down. And don't worry about getting this perfect, but do write something down. Then the second part of the exercise is that you come all the way back to the present moment. and you ask yourself, what are three weekly happiness habits I could do that would absolutely guarantee I get the happy ending I just defined that I wanted? And you think about it, you go, okay, my current life is busy. You may not be in the job that you want. Everything may not be going the way in which you want it to go.

23:35But despite that, are there three things, three small things you could commit to each week that if you do them regularly will guarantee you get the happy ending you just said you wanted? And the way that looks for me, in case it's helpful, I'll share with you how I answered this the last time I did this exercise. so on my deathbed I believe if I look back on my life I believe I'll be saying these kinds of things I hope I spent a lot of quality time with my family and friends number one okay number two I hope I will have done something that makes a positive impact on the world around me that's number two then thirdly I think I will say I hope I've had time to pursue my passions okay so that's the first part of the exercise those are the three things that I think I'm going to want on my deathbed and so if I then rewind back into the present day it's very easy for me to write down three happiness habits.

24:56The first one, if I have five meals every week with my wife and children where I'm fully present and not distracted by work or other things, I know that I'm tending to some of the most important relationships in my life. Now where did that five figure come from? Well five works for me. It's easy just to go regularly. But I like that number because it makes it specific. It's something for me to try and get to or surpass each week if I can. The second one is, well, if I release an episode of my podcast each week, as I have pretty much done for almost eight years now, I know I'm doing something that will positively impact the people around me.

25:43So I need to keep releasing weekly podcasts. And number three, this is about my passions. As I said, I want to have known that I had time to pursue the things that I am passionate about. So that means for me, can I play my guitar a few times a week? Can I write a song or sing? These things really give me a lot of joy and it's easy when work and family life gets busy for these things to fall by the wayside. so I literally have those three happiness habits pinned up on a piece of paper on my fridge so it's a gentle reminder on a daily basis hey no matter how busy your outside world is can you commit to these three things each week and it's been transformative it doesn't change what other people might want from me but it means despite everything that's going on in my life I still found time for what's important.

26:44Because here's the thing that many people get wrong. They think they'll do the important things when everything else gets done. But everything else never gets done. There will always be something else to do. So if you're waiting for everything to get done before you tend to the important things in life, you're going to be one of those people who have those deep, deep regrets on your deathbed. There's many other ways that we can tackle this idea of defining success for yourself. I think it's important to understand what your innermost values are and there are some practical exercises in the book to help you do that.

27:25But for the purpose of this podcast and this second idea, which is define success for yourself, I would really really encourage you to do that write your own happy ending either now or at the end of the podcast take a few moments to do it write it down if you want to share it with me on a private message on Instagram I'd love to see it if you want to share it but don't do it so you can share it with me do it for yourself do it because it's your life and if you don't define what success looks like for you, you're basically allowing the world around you to do it instead. Idea number three, eliminate choice.

28:08Okay, this is one of my favorites, eliminate choice. And this basically is going to help you work on the control leg of the core happiness tool. Okay, so quick reminder, there's three components to happiness, alignment, contentment and control. we've just gone through one practical exercise for alignment which was write your own happy ending and now I want to share with you some practical exercises around improving your sense of control okay what do I mean when I say eliminate choice well most of us have come to the belief that choice is a good thing I get to choose what I want when I want it but the problem is is that not every choice we make actually matters and too much choice becomes a source of stress.

29:02Picture this for a moment. I don't know if you've experienced this or not. I suspect you might have done. But a few years ago, when my kids were a little bit younger, often once my wife and I'd put them to sleep on a Saturday evening, we'd come into the living room and put Netflix on. I think, ah, you know, we're just going to relax and watch something on Netflix. And I cannot tell you the amount of times that we couldn't choose. Literally, because of all this choice, we would spend 30, 40, maybe 45 minutes sometimes. We still couldn't choose. We wanted to watch different things because there is so much choice out there.

29:44And, you know, our moods would be slightly off and we'd just go, forget about it. And we'd end up just doing something ourselves. else. Now, I don't think we're unique in that experience. I think it's so common because that illustrates choice. Too much choice is paralyzing in every single aspect of your life. The whole principle for this idea is that you choose when it really matters, but don't choose when it doesn't matter. There are studies which suggest that we are making an astonishing 35 ,000 choices every single day with 226.7 decisions made on food alone. And we rarely start to ask ourselves, is this overwhelming choice actually good for us?

30:36Well, I can tell you it's not. Too much choice This brings major downsides for your happiness. Every day, every single decision we make takes something from us. Each one takes cognitive effort. Each one takes time and our peace of mind because the more options we're given, the less confident we'll be that we've made the very best one. Researchers know that shops who offer too much choice cause their customers to feel stressed. if supermarkets offer 28 flavors of a product its sales plummet but if they offer only three sales go through the roof why is that well it's because deciding between three options isn't actually that overwhelming and you're like yeah i think i want that one boom made the decision buy it, move on.

31:32If you're faced with 28 possible different flavors, you just don't know which is the right choice. And even if you make a choice, you're left with this nagging feeling that you didn't make the right one. Would it have been better if I chose the other one? There's also some research done with psychologists who find that if we're given the option of taking an item of clothing back to the shop to swap. It makes us less happy and confident in our purchase, once again damaging your state of mind. We associate choice with freedom. In fact, we often treat choice and freedom as if they're the same thing.

32:14But the freedom to choose a prime minister to lead a nation is not the same thing as being made to choose between 72 different yogurts every time you go to the supermarket. So if you can find a way to eliminate choice in your life, you're going to increase your sense of control and you're going to increase your levels of happiness. Now I see this in health all the time. We're living in a world now where there's so much knowledge and information flowing into our ears every day from our screens and through are earbuds. But here's what often happens. You, let's say, follow a few health accounts on Instagram and you see a yoga instructor talking about the benefits of yoga and someone about Pilates and someone from martial arts and someone from boxing and someone who's a runner and you love it all.