The Day I Met My Hero: Jon Bon Jovi on Finding Joy, Overcoming Adversity, Growing Old & Spirituality #594

33:30Because eventually you're going to basically do the Macarena because that's the biggest song in the world at the time, you know? And now you're going to be selling your soul to do TikToks today. No. You know, that's not the right reason. That's not the motivation. The motivation should be soul-fulfilling stuff, not gratification. It should be things that move your body, the resonance of the song, not just the cash cow. Who do you write a song for? Me. Me. That's it. hollow man couldn't be more selfish legendary the lyrics of all these songs couldn't be more selfish me me me me me you know that's it with the hope that someone else will like it i once spoke to rick rubin on this podcast and he said to me that you cannot make great art with the audience in mind right which i completely agree with when i'm writing books or even you know when i write songs and myself you're writing them for you yeah you know they say don't they in writing that the most personal is the most universal that's correct because everyone else is feeling that same thing it's the ones that come from your deepest place that are most likely to resonate with the crowd because they are living that same shared experience it's i can sit here and craft a song with you and the rhymes can be moon june and spoon and it'll sound you know like a record but if it doesn't move you in your belly and think that i'm going to want to sing this in 40 years from now there's no point in doing it you just mentioned you whether you want to sing a song 40 years after that you have written it and of course you've just announced after a tricky few years that you guys are going back on the roads right and it was kind of interesting i heard you on our mutual friend chris edmunds the show a few days ago and i don't know if i read this right or not but you almost seem to suggest that let's see what happens when the tickets go on sale you know will they will they shift there was a i don't know whether you losing your voice over the last years has really shaken your confidence because we're all looking at these tickets are going to literally disappear on announcements.

36:05And as I shared with you before we started recording this morning at 9am, I was on the presale link and I got on, I was on at 8.45, I was early. By the time I got in, I was 140 ,000 on the list to get tickets for Wembley. Okay. There's only 80 ,000 tickets available. So there is clearly a demand. Do you know what I mean? So are you surprised to hear that? Sure, but I'm pleased. Yeah, I'm surprised. I'm surprised in as much as it's been a little while. I'm pleased because the reputation of myself and the band is spoken to people in such a manner that they would be on the queue at 15 minutes before it goes on.

36:55Yeah, I'm pleased, but I'm surprised. And now it's up to me to, you know, be ready when the bell rings, you know, to come out of the corner and be ready. Yeah. Well, let's talk about your vocal issues. Clearly very traumatic time for you. when did you first realize something was off with your voice realistically 2015 um 13 was the year that Richie left the band we went on and did another 80 shows when you know he surprised us by not showing up and then 14 was a year of kind of turmoil you know uncertainty T. 15, I tried to do a couple of shows and it just wasn't working. And I thought, oh, it's because I'd been laid off for so long.

37:50Um, I sought out medical help and in truth, the doctor, I'm not sure knew what the hell he was doing. Cause he was like, I don't know. That was his answer. And I could tell something wasn't right. 16, we put out, this house is not for sale. We do some 40 or so shows only and they're fine. But I could tell again, something's not right. COVID hits, which restricts us from going on the road. I wrote a narrative record. We put out legendary, you know, the forever album in 24. And after the surgery, it's not right yet. So it's been a long slog. And, you know, I just have to embrace so much of my learning in these last few years has been about excellence, not perfection.

38:49And knowing that I've planted the seeds, you know, I've built the house already. I'm good. It'll be good. Believing that is another thing. and then letting it go, you know? So I'm sort of dealing with all that on a daily basis, but it's getting better and better and better daily because the physical is better, the mental is better, and the spiritual has always been good. Did you ever have to think about your voice before this happened? No. Even if it went awry, even if I was you know hidden by youth burned out and out there on steroids I didn't know any better I didn't think about it I wasn't worried about it it's like yeah it sounds like poop but I'm not worried about it it's going to come back the confidence of youth the confidence of youth because there's many singers who've struggled with their voice obviously Steven Tyler had to hang up his boots recently right and I wonder is there something about the 80s rock vibe in the sense that singers today, let's say Ed Sheeran or Chris Martin, when they hit the high notes, they're often going into falsetto, right?

40:04You never did that, right? You were in full throat voice. I mean, I've fallen in love again this week with My Guitar Lies Bleeding in My Arms. Oh, wow, thank you. That could well be my favorite Bon Jovi song of all time, although I've got about 50 top three favorites, okay? So it depends on the day. But in the choruses, you go up an octave. I'm like, how is he singing that high in full throats? And then when I think about these back-to-back 240-day tours that you did in the 80s, I'm like, well, maybe that's the cost. Maybe the cost of actually that rawness, that passion that we all fell in love with, maybe there's only so many times you can do that.

40:45Do you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't know either. I'll let you know. Yeah. So what does success look like for your tour next year? my ultimate goal that I put up for myself was to be able to sing anything in the catalog that I want to sing. And I'm pretty close to that. Can I just ask you on that point? This is really interesting, right? So you've said in multiple interviews that your standard is two and a half hours, four nights a week. Yeah. Because that's what you guys have done. I've been to shows where I think you played for three hours, right? But why does that still need to be the standard?

41:21Like no one would mind if you were like, you know what? Those four songs are great, but I can't hit them anymore. So we've still got another 40 hits. Do you know what I mean? So to a fan, I'm like, to us, I don't think it matters. But why do you think it matters to you? Maybe it doesn't. I don't know yet. I'm good with that. You know, it doesn't mean that you can't do a different set list. But, you know, I can assure you that I'm singing prayer every day and hitting the high notes. yeah i am i do every day no problem it works so we're okay yeah i can't wait i mean i can't wait to see it you know the last time i saw you guys live was the last time you were in the uk was in 2019 when you played at anfield right and i took my son who at the time would have been what nine years old and i'd say actually this is really interesting you're probably pleased to hear this we read about the organization and how there's a lot of loyalty in the organization let me tell you something that happened at anfields i was really excited to show my son bon jovi this band he's heard so much about from his dad and we were in the standing area and a security guy comes over and says he's too young you gotta go you gotta go up to the tiers we had our tickets i was like i don't want to be up there and one of your guys who was doing the video uh-huh he just called us in and he said don't worry he can sit here with me so my son literally stood behind in the little uh square where one of the guys is videoing it he stood just behind him and he watched the whole show and we were standing next to him beautiful do you think that comes from the top because i was really impressed with that i thought John doesn't know this has just happened but I'd love to be able to tell him one day that it was such a beautiful thing that's a beautiful thing so why do you think your guy did that?

43:22that's the organization that comes from the top that's who we are that's what we are that's the kind of people we hire that's what I expect and I want the people that work for me to represent who we are and I want the people that work for me to be a part of what it is that we do and feel that pride in what they do so that connection is real because it's what we exude that's that's the messaging that we give them yeah to share with that crowd yeah absolutely yeah you never had to think about your voice until it went i've been a doctor for 23 years and i've seen so many times people who never ever took their health seriously until something happened.

44:12So the 52 year old executive who kept working and kept pushing and thought he could just do it all until he has the heart attack. Or the 46 year old mother who never ever did anything for herself. Everything was for her husband, her children, her parents, her community until she comes down with the autoimmune disease. Right. But I've also heard many times people say that my disease or my diagnosis was my greatest gift. Now you have to say that with sensitivity because it's only a greatest gift if you come out the other side. Right. So I have had patients with cancer before who told me afterwards that was the best thing that ever happened to me because.

44:56Yeah, because part, yeah. They look at their life differently. so i guess with that in mind i know losing your voice was incredibly painful it was your thing it's what you're known for all over the world but was there an upside all of these trials and tribulations from 2014 on are part of the journey which have made me a better man than I would have been otherwise. I'm aware of that.

45:33To hell of a cost. And it's not cancer, you know? So yeah, I get it. And to come out the other side and the way I'm feeling with joy and gratitude and knowing that I don't have to carry the burden, but it's we, not me. And all the kinds of things I've learned in the last couple of years through this process will make it that much better because even the reward of the it, whatever the it may be, let's call it the applause of the crowd, okay? Or the idea that I get to take the bow with happiness in my heart at the end. It's not just me that's going to take the bow. You're going to take it being in the audience because you're going to go, my man did it.

46:18Yeah. Your son's going to do it. I mean, I'm semi-tempted to come for the first Madison Square Garnisher because I'm thinking that's going to be, that's the first date of the tour. And I'm thinking - It might be too much, but we're not going to go, you know, don't even go there. Don't put too much weight on it. I don't want that weight. Yeah. I don't want any of those burdens any longer. It isn't me. It's we. I'm doing this for us. Yeah. That's it. Because you don't need to do it, do you? yes but as a doctor and as a wise man i want you to to take that thought and consider what you just said because when people say that to me i'm so confused by it because they go well you've got fame you've got money you've got that's not why we do this we do it for that spiritual resonance that happens when the song vibrates and you feel that connection to it or to the band or the band with the crowd and vice versa.

47:14Metaphorically speaking, I've realized this. I say, I get to hold the light. I've dreamt about a light like this. My job is to hold it. The band's power is powering it. We shine it on that crowd. I get the reward of the reflection. That's it. That's all I want out of this. I don't need anything else. When I say you don't need to do it, throat surgery is super hard you are almost like an athlete having to rehabilitate your voice right right but you've also said that being a singer and off a rock band is not who you are it's just something that you do and it's something that you do very well so when i say you don't need to do it what i what i mean is that you seem to have so many other interests outside rock and roll family, you're a father, your soul foundation, your business with your son, whatever it might be, right?

48:17People often say, don't they, that athletes should retire at the top. I spoke to Eli Kipchoge a few months ago. He's the fastest marathon runner of all time. He's run a marathon in under two hours. And then I also spoke to him two days after he did the London marathon where he came seventh and he was still full of pride and joy. He's like, yeah I don't do it just to win I do it because I love running I want to show the world that actually the world is a happier place when we all run and we experience joy so I guess what I'm trying to get to is this idea that people fans the media can put expectations on you but ultimately all that matters is why do you want to do it and if you want to do it that's good enough for anyone right and you're prepared you know I mean he ran that marathon because he can because he's trained for it because he's not just showing up and singing in the shower.

49:05You know, he can do it. So he came in seventh. So what? Who cares? Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell me about the t-shirt your friend Obi O 'Brien gave to you and why you wouldn't wear it? Nothing left to prove? Yeah. Well, because I think at the time he gave it to me, I felt like if I wore it, it was almost like quitting and that was pre-surgery. and I wasn't ready to give up on me. So I did the surgery with no idea that it was going to be the three and a half years of recovery. Um, but I didn't wear it for that reason. Now I do wear the shirt, but it has a different meaning to me now. You know, I had to do that surgery for me, not even for getting back out on this big stage.

49:55I just had to do it. you know if i can sing great in the shower that would have been cool that was good you know that was fine but the um the kind of bravado of nothing left to prove chip on my shoulder me against the world been there done that i don't i don't i don't need that i don't need that it's not about that yeah because you really do from a musical perspective have nothing left to prove i I mean, you have achieved all the milestones that any band could dream off. You've played every venue. You've closed the old Wembley Stadium. You're playing the new one next year. You've done Hyde Park.

50:37So you don't have to prove it to anyone else. Is there a part of you that wants to prove it to yourself?

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52:45the only thing that i would say about that if it's at all proving it to myself is i would remember as a child if i would run nine-tenths of a mile and i just stopped before the the goal line somewhere in my traumatized head i would say i didn't finish the race yeah i don't have to win the race but i did want to finish the race and so there was a time when it was very important to me to finish the job so this surgery has changed some of the perspective and as long as I can approach it with joy in my heart and good health, then I have to do it. You just have to. With no expectations. Do not focus on the expectation.

53:41Just the moment. And if I can remember everything I've read and learned in the last three plus years, we're good. Yeah. when you lose something that you have never had to think about before your voice we suddenly realize that we're a fallible human that things can go wrong yeah but you know you're 63 years old i mean in my world longevity is huge right everyone's talking about how to live longer now how do you how do you see longevity how do you see the fact that you're getting older now when you've had something as serious as vocal surgery. Right, right, right. The craze now in social circles with the affluent is to try to live forever, right?

54:29All these rich billionaires, you know, they can't buy time. And so they're trying to create the Dr. Evil's magic potions. I'm not seeking that out. I don't mind growing old gracefully, but I am going to take care of myself in real time during it. That's important to me. I feel good. So I'll do the exercise, but I'm not going to take 99 vitamins that I don't know if they work and this concoction and go to that country to get that special needle. I'm not really chasing the fountain of youth. That strikes me as something you've always had. Even back in 2000 when Crush came out. Yeah. So one of my favorite songs, again, is Just Older.

55:12And you write in that song, you know, I like the skin I'm sleeping in. i'm not old just older you were writing that in your 40s right so the sense of gratitude and appreciation yeah has always been there yeah yeah yeah yeah and where does that come from because a lot of people don't right well i don't know who a lot of people are i know what i believe and i'm grateful for it always have been yeah don't take it for granted you shouldn't yeah what do people misunderstand about fame fame is a liar and a thief fame will ruin you if you buy into it it will tell you things that you shouldn't have believed in and it'll take from you things that you never wanted to lose you got to tame that that pony quick um before it gets the best of you like it had to so many people that's why the the 27 club how many young yeah of the greats died because they couldn't handle the the ride i wasn't interested in that the fact that many of your peers seem to struggle with fame i mean it's a rock and roll cliche i think about the fact that you have been with dorothea or you've known Dorothea, your wife, since you were in high school.

56:39Correct. So she knew you before you were Jon Bon Jovi to people like me. Yep. Let's go back to Legendary for a minute. Second verse. I know this town like the back of my hands. Every crack in the sidewalk tells me who I am. Even the fact that you still live in New Jersey, that you're not in LA or you're not in, I don't know, the media hub of the world. How important do you think New Jersey and Dorothea are? Oh, hugely. to this huge huge it's a lot easier to have gotten lucky as i did then to wonder if the lady you know sleeping next to you is there for the right reasons and you know and when you're crying at night which is that often happens that somebody's there to hold your hand when you're hurting because believe me you know i've had a lot of hurt and um you know it's it's it's not easy but you support each other and she supported me and I've needed it you know it's been tough but that's what partnerships are yeah in 2022 when you were on the roads that 15-day tour yeah where you were really struggling with your voice people are commenting online people are talking about Jon Bon Jovi's voice what was it like for you to i don't know read some of that criticism i'd be honest i'd be lying if i told you that uh it didn't hurt but it did and in truth you know you had to really try hard not to look at it and to convince yourself that it'll get better tomorrow it'll get better tomorrow to get better tomorrow and it wasn't from neglect it was you know it just was broken and you couldn't have fixed it nothing could have fixed it um it was not easy no no it sucked and of course dorothea was there to be honest with you wasn't she sure you know i think you said that you came off one night thinking yeah i think it was pretty good right i came off the stage in nashville and i'd really psyched myself up to try to be great because it's Nashville.

58:54It's my friends. And, um, and I came off thinking, you know, all right, that was pretty good. And she says, no, it's, it's not, you know, I know, I know when you're good and that hurt. Cause I thought that was the end of it. Cause I've tried everything. And I'm telling you from a dietary gluten, sugar, booze, dairy, exercise, tons and tons of vitamins, acupuncture, guys on the road, two different singing teachers, two and a half hours of singing before the show. Wow. Just to try to warm it up to a place where it could go. 30, 45 minutes after the show. Plus the two and a half hour show. It's not easy.

59:34Yeah.

59:38But I've gotten through it. I'm past it. Yeah. It reminds me a little bit of my own wife. She'll tell me like, I don't think that's very good. You know, you can do better. Of course. And you want that because there's not many people who are going to tell you that. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. That's hugely important. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

59:58It's interesting for me, John. Yeah, I'll be honest with you. This interview was a really funny one for me to prepare for. I've been doing this show for almost eight years. I was pointing to all kinds of people, some of the best people in their field in the world, some super famous people like Matthew McConaughey, but I've never spoken to someone who was literally on my wall for two decades and I would see his face looking at me. Right. And so I had this really weird thing today because I've evolved. I'm not that person anymore. I'm not that boy. You know, that chapter I read the first paragraph to you before from my book, it's all about, but heroes can be helpful, but they're not real in the sense that you're only seeing one aspect of their life.

1:00:43That's right. So you don't know everything. You think you want to be them, but you don't know. And they say, don't they, they say never meet your heroes. You've met quite a few of your heroes in life. Has that been a good thing or has it sometimes been disappointing? Well, it's been amazing. I, you know, my example would be Bruce, right? He's like a big brother. He's 13 years older than me as I'm older than you. And I get all of this stuff. And, and when I look at him, I try to think, well, what is it about him now that I see in that light? Well, in truth, it's the same thing I saw when I, it's the little kid in me that admired the fictional character of what he is and was.

1:01:26And I admired that and I loved it and I was drawn to it and I wanted to be like that. But he's still, you know, just a confused family guy like the rest of us trying to figure it out that too helps me now to realize that you as an accomplished author and a doctor and a self-help guru and with all these years of a podcast that is reaching now millions of people we're all just figuring it out yeah that to me is the greatest breakthrough i've in the last several months, because I don't want the burden of you looking up to what was a fictional character. I can't carry that any longer, but I can carry that you're going to be rooting for me in the crowd with your boy.

1:02:18And guess what? I'm going to crack, but you know what? We're going to smile through it. And I'm going to hit the next note. And that's going to be sexier than all of it. Yeah, that's beautiful. It won't just be my boy. I'm bringing my daughter this time as well. Bang. Yeah, so yeah, I love that because I've been thinking about heroes all week and I don't think it's necessarily that we want to be them. There's just something in them that reflects within us. Sure. I think that's all it is. Sure. We're all fallible humans. That is the greatest breakthrough I've had in forever. Yeah. You could take an aspect of a fictional character there and hang it up on your wall.

1:02:58Right on. But I love the beauty that we are all experiencing the human element together. And it's not going to be perfect and it's not going to be pretty. And that's what's making it sexy. Yeah. As a daughter, I'm really interested in routines and how we reach our health goals, how we live a happy, contented life in good health, because health is related to happiness and happiness is related to health. It goes both ways. And I'm just fascinated, like when you're on tour, and this would have evolved over the years, but I don't know, in the nineties, in the two thousands, in the 2010s, when you're getting older, how did you look after yourself on tour?

1:03:49Or even today, how are you going to look after yourself on tour? What do you need to do? I feel better when I do healthy things. Eating, sleeping. But you're an early morning guy, aren't you? I am. So how does that work with rock and roll? Well, if you're really in that touring cycle, everything shifts and you're going to bed at two in the morning and you're waking up at noon. But that's part of the price you pay to beyond the road. That's just what it has to be. Cause by the time you travel after a show and that's just the way it is. But in, let's just say in my non touring life, I do like to get up at seven o 'clock.

1:04:25I do like to have my mornings. I do like to journal. I do like to work out in the morning. I do a little something to eat, probably not enough before I sing, but that's just what I feel most comfortable in my belly with. But you know, I know that when I had a bottle of wine last night and I wanted it. I didn't need it, but I wanted every drop of that bottle. It was a long day of work and I was in a good mood. It does cost some cells in the body to be more tired today. Now, what's that going to do to you? I'll tell you what it's going to do to you. It's going to fuck with your head because your head's going to go, your throat's tired.

1:05:01Guess what? Your throat's tired. Oh, I'm never going to sing good again. Yeah. Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time out. I had a great bottle of wine last night. That's all this is. You know, leave me alone. Yeah. So you got to get out of your head. I know that I have put in the hours and I have put in the days and the weeks and the months and the year, and I am better. But these are all things that you learn, you know, and you evolve. So if I could go on the stage with two bottles of wine in the 80s, I would never do that and go and think I was playing the stadium tonight. there wasn't that just wouldn't happen you see so everything evolves i'm 63 i don't want to run five miles i want to run three yeah you know but i found something else in tennis that moves me you know and spiritually moves me it's interesting i'm as you say behind you in age i did my first uk theater tour in march okay just to be clear i'm not at all comparing it to a rock show okay sleeping in a hotel you're traveling yeah kind of theaters maybe 2 000 people theaters i did 16 dates yeah i'm a morning guy when i'm at home i get up at five like i love time to myself to journal to meditate to move whatever it might be yeah i was coming on stage at half seven and coming off stage usually about 10 20 wow three hours three hours with a like 15 minute break it's a lot and i loved it but i'd come off and obviously you've got lights on you as well and the more we're learning about light and what it does to our circadian rhythm i'm coming off a wired yep totally amped up i'm like how the hell do these guys do it because you're rocking up to a hotel sometimes you're traveling after and i was finding i was still up in hotel rooms at 2 a.m you can't phone anyone because your wife and kids are asleep i'm like wow this is why rock stars go off the rails on the roads, right?

1:07:01Because they're in a hotel room with nothing but a minibar. Booze and sleeping pills. Yeah. So we're currently looking at dates for next year. With all your years of touring experience, and I know I'm the health guy, but I don't have the experience you've got. What would you say to me about how to make my touring life a little bit easier on me? Sleep is the key to the universe. hydration is also the you know the key to the universe it doesn't have to be seven nights in a row you know i won't do back-to-backs any longer it just takes too much of a toll and even on the last tour you do two but um in our youth we do three or four i won't do that any longer you do one but that's okay um so to me it's about sleep it's about i don't believe that i got to take 99 different kinds of vitamins.

1:07:54I tried all that and I didn't feel that much better. You know, I'm way into pliability than I am into chiropractic. You know what I mean? I don't have to have my bones cracked every day like I used to think I did. It was, now it's about stretching. It's, it's just different. It's not better. How do you wind down when you get to the hotel room after you just - If you're, if you're not boozing, which I was not on that last 22 tour, it's not easy to go to bed especially when your mind's going right but this is all meditative stuff and reading and you had to find other things to get you to sleep it's it's the road's not fun no it's not fun the show's good but the rest of the day yeah tough job and you must have been so bored at times because you know we were talking before about how the world has changed you were doing all that pre-smartphones right so these days people can numb their brains and actually watch whatever they need to but we could never watch television or did you get CNN in a foreign country couldn't understand the language but I wonder if that boredom actually had a real upside and the reason I say that I made a um a TV documentary last year on smartphones and kids and the impact that they're having and I made it with a chap called Matt Willis okay and his wife emma and matt is the singer songwriter in a in a uk boy band called busted who were very successful like maybe around 2003 time okay and he said to me while we were making that documentary he said wrong the problem is your smartphones i don't write songs anymore because i'm just i'm just looking at this phone the whole time yuck yeah so that would be time where people would actually that boredom would lead to them picking up a guitar right okay and started to sing and like writing so i don't know to me it seems like are they are these smartphones perhaps getting in the way of songwriting and real creativity getting in the way of the world you know they're getting in the way of your self-esteem they're getting in the way of of you being a creative they're getting in the way of of your politics you're getting in the way of influencing who and what we are because if an algorithm that they're feeding you that isn't necessarily the truth you know the the gift is the curse like i said you have a supercomputer in your pocket, but unless you tame it, it's going to, it's going to break you.

1:10:16And so. Does that get in the way of your songwriting? No, not songwriting. But you know, am I a victim to playing with the Instagram a little too much? Yeah, I do that. I don't have any of those other things on it. And in fact, I have made a point mentally to say, I just got to even erase this thing. I made sure I don't look at anything about me. You know, I make sure like my algorithm don't come up in there. But no, even getting rid of that is a good thing. No, it doesn't get in the way of the songwriting. No. You've mentioned before that you're spiritually in a good place. And I've read in another interview that you've been saying that as you are getting older, you're becoming more spiritual.

1:10:53What does that word mean to you? I'm in touch with that higher power, with God. You know, I don't ask for favors or for successes. It's all about gratitude. And it's not going to church on Sunday, which is a little still broken to me but the connection is there more than ever and ever and ever been you know so um but it's all about gratitude and that that's really what i get out of it humility gratitude and knowing that you know everything happens for a reason have you always believed that well it's been magnified more as i've gotten older

1:11:38does being a creator um does songwriting perhaps feed into that belief that there's something greater out there in the sense that like where do these songs come from i know you're that's for sure a little bit of that sure a little bit of that i mean our better angels are all out there if we had take the time to see them you know it's a dark world in my opinion right now but there are beams of light and there are people that are doing good that aren't in the spotlight and not on your podcast and not on the stage behind a microphone but they are the ones that are keeping the lights on and these are very trying times and with kids that are victims of these smartphones for example and the learning deficit that happened during covid those five years that grades are falling behind and it's scary as fuck out there right now but there are people that are shining rays of light and i'm i'm still not giving up on on the it because of them you're a very humble guy you said there's people out there doing great work but but so are you and your wife yeah yeah yeah so can you just tell people about the soul foundation what it is and why it's so important to you and your wife to actually do this kind of charitable weck we've done it for a long time world travel made us a little more enlightened when realizing that there were the haves and the have-nots and that divide was happening more and more and more as my life has gone on when we started the foundation some 20 years ago it was under the guise of sport ownership i used to own an arena football team uh in order to ingratiate ourselves to the community i wanted to be more philanthropic than what we called the big four baseball basketball hockey and um and at first we were whatever you needed pencils computers bed sheets okay fine we give it to an orphanage and then one night when i saw a homeless man sleeping on a grate outside of city hall and i realized that you didn't have to be young or old black or white republican or democrat homelessness could hit anybody at any moment as most of the world lived paycheck to paycheck two bad weeks or months and you're on the street so i found an expert in the field who taught me everything I know about it.

1:13:51In 2008, Dorothea conceptualized this whole kitchens where there are no prices on any of the menus. It's all farm to table food. If you want to come there in effect change directly instead of writing a check to a charity and wondering what, you know, what good did you do? You'd see it because your donation just paid for your meal and the meal for someone in need. The person that was in need and you would never know the difference between you and the person in need, they volunteer for their meal. And in turn, they're empowered. Empowerment is the key to the universe. Because now there's a pride in it.

1:14:24There's a sense of I'm a part of this. And so we have four of these restaurants, and the need is only growing. And it works. We don't need the scientists to find the cure. What has it given you? Oh, great sense of satisfaction. Great sense of pride in knowing that, you know, you're putting more food in someone's belly. It's as comforting as you imagine it would be. You can't think of yourself in that position without wanting to cry. And it's given me great feeling of satisfaction and pride, knowing that our little ripple in the water has resonated. Yeah. What does happiness mean to you today? I mean, it's top of my list to be happy is just to be joy filled, to be thinking of myself less and to be fear less the way I once was would give me all the happiness that I want in the world.

1:15:26you know and i know what we do in service that's all well and good and i feel good about that but spreading that optimism is um is something that i look forward to doing you know in the in the next year you're a parent you're a new grandparent i believe as well congratulations

1:15:49um i'm super fascinated by what is it like being the children of john bon jovi is it hard do you think growing up when your dad has been so mega successful that's a kind of a tough bar isn't it well in as much as what would your work ethic be no shortage of that um so they're all working very hard independent of each other and i love what they're all doing the blessing and the curse of being the son of is that you know your name is recognized everywhere and everyone's going to look at you. Um, most times because, you know, we've done a lot of good in the world that benefits them. Um, and so, you know, overall it's not been bad.

1:16:36Um, it's not easy, but it's, it's not bad either. Yeah, for sure. Any regrets? even the bad was okay because you know that these were lessons learned even the bad things that you did in your life were not bad enough to put you in jail or give you cancer yeah so everything else was an opportunity to learn from it yeah i think a lot about regrets and i've come to believe that regrets are a form of perfectionism actually you mentioned perfectionism before because i think regrets for many of us at their heart there is this belief that we think that we could have done better but i think we're always doing the best that we can based upon what we know and based upon what we have availability to do and and what you put into it and what you put into it yeah so i kind of feel in some ways and i know not everyone will agree with this but i certainly feel for me that regrets are a waste of time in the sense that that's not me saying that i couldn't have improve things but i'm like no let me look back and go ah you know what i made that decision but if i'm in that situation again i'm going to make a different decision because i've learned failure is different than regret yeah exactly you can fail all day long that's that's in fact that's great yeah regret is is not getting up to work out so that you can run the marathon regret is staying in with the drink and the drug instead of writing the song that day yeah you know so yeah it's all been great well john we started off talking about gratitude and i want to end up talking about gratitudes i've already mentioned it on the show today but i just want to express my gratitude to you thank you ryan and um everything you and your band have done over the years i'm not exaggerating when i say your music has literally provided the soundtrack to my life it has touched me it has moved me joy belief optimism and although me being a doctor and doing what i do today might seem very different from rock and roll i think you have a role and you've played a pretty significant part in what i do today so i want to say thank you thank you that means a lot that means a lot and that will help me tonight to put my head on the pillow and get through, you know, and do it again tomorrow.

1:18:56So thank you for that. Yeah. For someone who is watching this, John, who knows that they're not living their life and they have a dream, they have a passion, but they're not living it. Do you have any words of advice for them? I don't know how many lives you get, but take this chance while you get it. if you have a dream and it's truly your dream pursue it i don't care if you fall down i don't care if you fail pursue it because when you lay your head down on the pillow at night you just need to know that you gave it your all yeah love it john you're an inspiring man thank you humble you're optimistic and it's been a sheer joy thanks thank you this was great thank you very much i looked forward to it and i appreciate it thank you man brother that was great

1:19:54really hope you enjoyed that conversation do think about one thing that you can take away and apply into your own life and also have a think about one thing from this conversation that you can teach to somebody else remember when you teach someone it not only helps them it also helps you learn and retain the information now before you go just wanted to let you know about Friday Five. It's my free weekly email containing five simple ideas to improve your health and happiness. In that email, I share exclusive insights that I do not share anywhere else, including health advice, how to manage your time better, interesting articles or videos that I've been consuming, and quotes that have caused me to stop and reflect.

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