World Junior Champion at 18: Mindset, Training & Sacrifice | Anahat Singh | FO548 Raj Shamani

0:00Anahat Singh of India has finally claimed a world junior title. Do you think number two position is back? I think it's the worst. For me, when I've come second, it's hurt the most. Because it's like, you've done everything, you've won every single match in the event, and then you've come that close to winning, and then you come second. I just wish I came third. Anahat Singh, India's rising squash star. At just 18, she became the first Indian ever to win the world junior squash championships. Today, she talks about her journey, the mindset behind the game, and what it really takes to live and train like an athlete.

0:36What happened in Bega? In semifinals, you injured your ankle and then you were advised not to play. I spoke to the doctors at home. They were like, you're going to aggravate the injury even further if you go into court. Even my parents were like, why are you doing this? Did you see that as losing or did you see that as like a bad day? I saw I was losing. I looked out of the court and I saw like three of my teammates and my two coaches sitting outside and they were just like, I'll just push, just push through this like one match. And if you're going on to court, you're not just playing for yourself.

1:07You've said somewhere before that I've always had the mental strength. Physically, there's a hundred squash players out there who are better than me. Physicality, sure, everyone has skill. Most people have, but mentality, some people have, some people don't. Definitely there'll be some days that I am number one But then there'll also be days where I'm number 10 Are you a good loser? No, I'm terrible I take a long time to get over losses Since the beginning or right now? No, always Why? You don't know how to lose? I can't I'm way too competitive What cost did you pay to become a world champion?

1:40Hitting out on life I ended up missing my graduation a couple of months back That was one day that hit me the most than any other day Where were you? I was in Egypt for a tournament. I opened my phone. The first thing I saw was my friends just, you know, at their graduation and just posting pictures. I mean, I would not do anything to trade where I am right now either.

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3:12Tell me if someone's watching you for the first time and they have no clue who you are and they're wondering who's this person sitting right here yeah how would you tell them who are you what do you do i play squash that's the biggest part of me i guess give me some story to your the ones which you have probably not shared with the world like what happened you joined squash how old were you eight you were eight years old you joined squash you started playing and then when did it get serious that hey now i want to go in here i I want to start beating people and I'll be the champion. As soon as I started playing.

3:52Day one, you were that competitive? I mean, I always knew that I wanted to do something with sports, whether it was squash, badminton, any other sport. I mean, I don't know. I've always been very sporty in that sense, even in school. I started badminton when I was five. So it was really, really early on. And it's just something even now, like if you tell me, don't play squash for one week I can't like I physically cannot do that I need to do something in my day something physical something where you know I have to go and hit the ball or some sort of activity okay and yeah I mean that's just how it's I started I played the British Junior Open which was the biggest one of the biggest junior stages that only I think I was nine or ten years old and I ended up winning it the first time that I went and I think that was I that was just like my parents took me as a holiday it was my first international tournament was one of the first events that I was actually playing it was more for my sister because she was five years older than me and it was she was playing under 17 so it was more of a serious event for her and more of just like family holiday just an ad come along and they enrolled me and I ended up winning it and um I don't know I think that was just one of the events that I realized that okay maybe it's not just a hobby you know and I think I mean for me still it's it's a hobby for me it's still something that I don't really look at as you know a profession or anything like that I think just yeah that event was something that I realized that okay this this can actually work out yeah but did if I have to ask you a little deeper question do you think sports was more like an identity play for you or as an escape for you uh i think it's both it's an escape for me when it's like if okay i'd say when any everything else in my life is too stressful sports is an escape where if you know if there was too much stress with exams or too much if i'm arguing with my parents or my friends or anything like that then first thing I do is go to the squash court hit a few balls and just get my mind off of it but also the other way around that if squash is getting too much then you know I go to my parents I go to my friends and you know I think it's it just gets mismatched like that and I think I mean originally it was more of an escape but you know as I'm starting to play more professional and it's becoming it's actually becoming more of a profession rather than a hobby it is becoming my identity and you know if I mean even you asked me so how do you how would you describe yourself I mean the first thing that comes to my mind is squash I mean it's something that I can't really imagine my life without but I'm also someone that you know enjoys doing things besides that to you know I mean if like I said before as well like if I feel like I'm doing just squash all the time that's way too much for me and I really need to balance things out and that's why I mean a lot of people ask me like okay how is it that I only train like two hours a day because there's some people who only play like national level and who end up playing like six hours a day and I'm like I just can't see myself doing that and I don't think that would actually work in my favor so I mean I think for me I'm I think it's really really important for me to just balance things out and just you know try I love trying new things I love trying new sports even though squash is there i love trying new sports i love you know going out and trying new food and just new things and discovering new places and yeah i mean even though i am a creature of habit and you know do things and follow things in a certain way i'm also in contrast someone who likes to do new things as well nice so what you said you like trying new things your new food you love playing new sports what new sports do you play or do you try uh i mean I've grown up playing different sports even in school there was a certain point where I had to you know give that a break I remember when I want I really really wanted to be like in the school basketball team but my coaches and my parents said no way we cannot risk getting you injured and I was so upset about that because I just even though I had squash I just wanted to do like a hundred things alongside it as well so I was like okay fine this is one thing I'm not gonna listen that's okay and then I left like the sports aspect out of it but now I mean I like like even if it's not squash I like trying new like watching new shows I like going to new places new countries and just trying new things all the time because if I can't explore it in the sports aspect which I really wanted to do I'm gonna try to substitute it in other ways nice so new countries which new country to do with it recently uh recently you actually end up going to the same places for squash but i remember like one of the places that we ended up going to australia last year and it was this place right in the middle of nowhere you would have never heard of it it's called bega and we had to take two flights to get there one 12 hour flight one eight hour flight then we had to drive for four hours and it was in the middle of nowhere and it was one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen in my entire life and I think just you know getting to travel and seeing that and you know it was one of the it was a really small tournament as well so I think just you know getting the chance to do that and it was just I mean that's one place I'm never ever gonna forget.

9:27Never? Never. What happened in Vega? I remember something happened. Oh yeah I mean it wasn't the best squash wise but it did give give me the chance to you know go around the city a little bit more but I mean I got injured quite badly in that tournament and I had to retire from the final yeah so so in semi-finals you injured your ankle yeah yeah and then you were advised not to play but why you still ended up playing why yeah I mean like I told you it was a really long journey so I mean I was like okay if I've come all the way here there's no chance I'm just letting this go like that and also the fact that I mean I've always even like just been brought up in a way that even though something is going wrong, even if I'm injured, I'm still going to push through it and try.

10:14I mean, I spoke to the doctors at home and they were like, you're going to aggravate the injury even further if you go into court. Even my parents were like, why are you doing this? And I was like, you never know what happens. I remember I played an event two years before that and I was injured and I still, I don't know how, just because of the adrenaline of the whole situation, I ended up winning. So I was like, you know, if that's happened, maybe it can happen again. so I mean I was like why not give it a shot but didn't seem to work out this time. But weren't you worried that in semi-finals doctors told you that if you play you might end up making your ankle worse and you might not be able to play for long and there could have been like anything could have happened right probably you must have maybe lost your ankle for a long period and for six seven months one year you would you would be on bed or not play at all like did you not think about all these possibilities?

11:03I did but I also didn't want to you know lose the chance of possibly winning the tournament as well it was one of my first tournaments that I had you know gone and played was one of the bigger tournaments that I had gone to play as well because it was my initial ones you know playing in the senior circuit so I also wanted to you know because I knew that I was playing well in that event that you know if I somehow end up winning it I wasn't expected to win it I wasn't even expected to reach the final so if there's any way that I can somehow pull it off and you know just you know start off my senior career in a good way then I would love to do that especially in a place that I loved so much so I mean I just wanted to give it a shot but I mean who were you playing against uh I played an Egyptian girl 28 year old I think she was in her 20s yeah and then so you walked out of the court even before giving your full how did you feel about that because you hate losing yeah would you see this as losing would you see this as giving up that day I definitely did because you know I went into court I still played the match if I didn't play the match it would have been a different situation but I still went and you know if you go back into history and look at the record it still shows that I lost the match so it's for me I was extremely upset that day because firstly of course I was injured and I also knew that I had a few important tournaments coming up as well so I didn't know how it was going to go and you know what the next few days were going to look like and I mean of course I lost the match and I really really wanted to you know win that tournament because I knew going into it that I had a good chance and like I mentioned before it was one of my first events as well so I mean I remember that tournament to be one of the tournaments that I was extremely upset I mean, my parents didn't really know what to do.

12:49And like, it was a four hour car ride just to the airport. And I remember just staring out into the window. I was like, my leg was up in like the car seat because doctors said, keep it elevated. So for four hours, my leg was just up and I was looking out and I was like, I don't know what's going to happen now. I have a very important tournament in a week coming up. And yeah, I mean, it was a confusing tournament. It was a confusing one month, but I mean, nothing too serious happened after that. and it all worked out but would you see that in your head at that point would you see did you see that as losing or did you see that as just like a bad day no i saw i saw it as losing and why why would you not see it as a bad day oh okay injury it's okay move on because i still gave it a shot the thing is if i admitted that okay like i wouldn't have been able to pull it off that would have been a different situation but you know i still believed that i could have won and I still had that hope that you know I could give it a shot and do well and I think if I didn't have that hope then it would have been a different situation because you know I would have expected it and I would have been prepared in my head that okay there's a chance I can lose but you know I still knew that there was some way I could you know when there was I was in a good form and I could you know even if I just you know did something or the other even if I was just on one leg and somehow managed to do it even if it was like down to the last few points but you know in my head it was very different and were you not worried about injury at all I mean I was but I also knew that if I felt like it was getting worse in the match I could walk out any minute so I mean I it was like worth a shot yeah I was like why not because I have I can take the risk and even if I take the risk there's always a way out of it so nice you know I was when I was a kid I was in school I remember it was 9th standard 8th standard something and I used to play Taekwondo and it was my national gold match okay so it was finals and I knew that I had silver anyone just reaching here it's silver right so it was just that last match right and the moment first round started I got injured here because the other person kicked here by mistake and I couldn't speak my voice which is off this is what happened right yeah the voice girl and everyone around me suggested that i should quit because they were like if one more cake what if you lose voice forever what if this never comes like you should not take the risk this and that and i quit i didn't pursue because i was like in my head if i ended up losing voice this taekwondo thing is not going to last forever what will i do without a voice right yeah and i lost and i have that silver medal and i hate it till date but I mean now in what you're doing you need the voice it's like it worked out yeah it worked out but I regret it I was like I wish because when I saw the final points and just after first round I was up so it was just like I would have all I had to do was just stay there for two more rounds yeah like just do nothing and I would have been gold medals and I couldn't so I regretted till like till date and I was a kid I should have forgotten about it and today my voice matters way more than anything in my life it was you have to pick one or the other yeah but now like at that time I didn't know right my voice will matter so much yeah but I regret it and I so every time I hear about an injury so I can understand because I quit and I feel like there are moments it's been years there are moments i still feel like a loser sometime because i'm like oh i didn't i didn't push through i wish i would have done that i wish i would have showed up in the court just the way you did but mine didn't work too well so maybe it's okay you took the better way out yeah but but it's like as an athlete you can no matter what match you're playing even it's a small club level or a national level or an international level you feel bad you feel like really really bad in fact i was watching this documentary by nadal did you see the nadal documentary right yeah you saw his point where he was he also had this injury and he's like he had no he had like didn't they say that he um had like no chance of playing again yes yes he had no chance of playing again and in fact at one point nadal uh you know made it a belief that if it's paining it means he's doing good.

17:23So he would like play really hard and then if it starts pain like in the middle of the game I think his legs somewhere something some disease his foot. So if it starts hurting then he's like oh I'm doing good. So he would hurt himself intentionally more because now it's like now it's hurting I'm on a play board and I'll win. Do you do that? No because then sometimes the pain gets too much. But maybe I'll reach that mentality. But no I know that I mean of course if it's paining too much then I don't really have much of a choice because if it hurts that means that there's also a chance of it getting worse so I don't want to risk that either but of course if it's not too much and I feel like I can push through it then there's always a why not yeah athletes do that it becomes your whole identity so if you quit on court you feel like oh you like that's your identity like oh yeah I'm I'm not someone who gives up in life.

18:22You will start not see. You don't see yourself as someone who got out of the game because of an injury. You see yourself as a loser or somebody who quit. Yeah, you can't quit without trying. Yeah, you think about that as well. Yeah, definitely. All the time. I mean, that's one thing. For some reason, in this tournament, the World Juniors, I've played for five years and I've gotten injured all five years. and especially like this like the one that happened this year my individuals was over and I had already won the event and you know and then we have the team event after that I mean of course as an individual the individuals are important but for the team event it's not just you you're playing for the four people you're playing for the country you're playing for I mean the stakes are a lot higher and I had a really really long week and I had a training block for almost one and a half months before so I was completely flat and I was super tired and I got really badly injured in one of the team matches and I mean I looked out of the court and I saw like three of my teammates and my two coaches sitting outside and they were just like and I'll just push just push through this like one match because they really needed it to win the match and I mean it wasn't just my own match if I retired then okay I lost but I was already satisfied because I won the individuals but it was like the team would lose then so then I could see it in their eyes I was like okay no matter what like even if I won the individuals it doesn't mean anything because it matters if I'm playing for myself it's a different thing then if I've lost only I feel bad if I lose in a team event match it's a hundred other people you know that feel it so I was just saying you have to really really push through it and you know somehow it wasn't a very tough match but it was something that always ends up happening in these team events and has happened for the last five years and I think this event especially is something that has always stuck with me because it's you know taught me that like sport is not just about yourself and if you're going on to court you're not just playing for yourself especially in like in this tournament as well like the one in Bega I knew that if I walked out it wasn't just me that lost it was my coaches it was everyone that helped my parents and everyone who traveled there and helped me, you know, prepare for the event.

20:43So I couldn't have just let that go for no reason. You've said somewhere before that I've always had the mental strength. I never used it properly, something like that, right? What was that? I mean, people always ask me that, do you not get stressed out before tournaments? And even my coach, I mean, I've not really thought about too much because I feel like I've always had it. And one thing that really helps me out in events like these and the stakes are really high is that I can play without pressure and I can play freely. And I think that's one of the things that's really benefited me as well, because I've seen in a few tournaments where I've taken a lot of pressure and I go completely flat.

21:29I lose to players that no one would expect me to lose to. and then there's events where you know I have no thought in the world and I'm just going in to just enjoy every moment and I'm I played the best squash I've ever played in my life so I think just that's something that has always worked for me and you know that even my coaches have seen and before tournaments and before tournaments that and matches and they feel like I might get stressed out they make sure they talk to me extra to make sure that you know because they feel like my mental strength because physically there's a hundred squash players out there who are better than me and they feel like my mental strength is something that sticks out and they want to make sure and I want to make sure that every single match that I go into that's something that I have because physicality sure everyone has skill most people have but mentality some people have some people don't so it's like one thing that I feel like I should keep and you know I'm happy that I have that and I'm gonna make you know full use of it and you know make sure I bring out the best of it.

22:32What really excites you? About? About anything just not squash well like what do you what keeps you going? I mean I just like doing things that I have fun with if I do something that I'm I get bored that's why I like to do many things at the same time because I feel like if I get like too stressed out and squashed and I get bored then my mindset will change completely what's the bad like let's say negative thing you do like something something which is associated with guilty pleasure like watching binge watching reels and stuff like oh yeah of course I think that's every teenager I stay up too late binge watching reels and of course eating junk food all the time no where does junk food go it doesn't show up in the court but not your whole family.

23:18No, but that's a good thing. I feel my parents keep saying stop, but they don't realize it's what, you know, actually is a fuel. Yeah. Is a fuel. What do you enjoy eating? Chocolate, chips, pizza. Give me specific. What chocolate? I mean, I have this routine that before I go to sleep, I have to have six pieces of dairy milk. And I had this conversation with my mom yesterday, actually. We had an argument. She was like, Anath, Asian Games is coming up. You really need to stop. and then I called up my nutritionist right away and I was like please talk to my mom she's not letting me have chocolate and I've not had like I've always had chocolate for the last like 10 actually 18 years of my life ever since I've like even known what chocolate is so you can't tell like you can't let her stop me and then my nutrition is like okay like can we bring it down to five pieces four pieces I was like no I'm sticking to my six pieces and you can change anything else about my day but this doesn't change this doesn't like every day dairy milk needs to be that you've been eating since how long?

24:17I mean, forever. Like if I go back and talk to like people who've been in the squash circuit, they tell me, I don't remember this, but they tell me stories about how like when I was eight years old and I used to start playing squash, like I had just started, I used to roam around with like two pieces of like the small dairy milk chocolates in my bag all the time. And people used to come and ask me like, Anath, can we please have some? And I'd say, no, you can't touch it. and how people usually have like bananas in between matches. I used to have chocolates. So it's like my fuel. It's your fuel and since forever.

24:51Forever. It's been like that. And the same type of Derry Milk? Yeah, Derry Milk Oreo. No other change. No, why? I don't know. I just... Have you tried other flavors, other chocolates? I have. I mean, if I have no option, then yes. But if I'm home in Delhi, it's just something that I stick to. I can't change it. Wow. Derry Milk should sponsor you like right now. at this point I'd love that I think I was going through my blanket order history and just chocolate chocolate chocolate wow fuel for the champions they should do that at this point if they're watching somebody Cadbury guys please yeah this is this is your I'd save a lot of money so guilty pleasures Derry Milk binge watching reels who do you follow on Instagram that you absolutely love or maybe you don't even follow and just talk yeah I don't follow anyone and I just go through here.

25:43If I like someone, then I'll go through that account. I'll spend like 45 minutes on that account. I'll go to the next. I'll like someone, spend 45 minutes on that account. So give me someone who you've been obsessed with lately. Recently? Yesterday, I was actually, because I was thinking about like new post ideas and I was going through Emma Radhikanu's posts and they were really cool. So I was trying to, you know, on my notes app, like post ideas. The tennis player, right? Yeah. And I was going through it and I was like, her posts are really nice and I need to maybe I can copy some ideas from her and I was just making a list of you know like post ideas from her account and yeah that was something most recent I was going through nice so Emma Emma who else do you like Naomi yeah I mean her style is really cool yeah like do you see yourself doing that ever like being in fashion and doing the same thing or that doesn't appeal I can because I really like you know just dressing up on court and wearing nice things and I'm very conscious about what I wear when I get into court.

26:45Okay, what are you conscious about? No, like I have a certain style and certain things that I like to wear. A little bit also because of superstition but also because I just, I feel like if I feel like I'm comfortable and I feel like I look nice when I'm going into court, I play better as well. Where does this come from? And what's the superstition? I mean, superstition is, I usually, if I play well, I mean, I don't want to jinx it but if I play well in a certain color or a certain outfit then I end up wearing that for the whole tournament. I mean, it looks a bit weird because I'm wearing the same thing over and over again but I mean, that's something that I stick to.

27:23And yeah, I mean, just mainly... Which color has gotten you the maximum wins? Black and white. I know that's really boring but all my outfits, if I go through my cupboard or if I go through my suitcase when I'm packing it's just monotone, black, white. Just absolute black and white because they make you champion. As of now, I think so. You just started thinking about that or somebody put that idea in your head? No, I mean, I think it's just something. I mean, black and white is something that is the simplest and I started wearing it and then I just started doing well when I wore it and then I just stuck to it.

27:58But now I'm getting into red a little bit, add a little bit of color. But hopefully my color scheme expands a little bit in the next few years and not too boring and just black and white everywhere. Doesn't matter as long as it makes you win. So on the court, you can still be boring black and white. I need you right now, black and white. But when you're outside, you can maybe experiment with like 500 different colors. Not 500, five. Slowly, we'll go off. Then for Naomi, it's a little off for you. I mean, I like her style. I mean, I like the fact that she does, tries different things. But right now, I'm too, you know, set.

28:35As long as it's actually making you win, no? Yeah. So that's what, any other color which has made you win?

28:44There was, like I said, red. There was one outfit that I wore and it made me win. Then I wore that a few times and then I started losing wearing that outfit. So then that went into the back of my cupboard and I never touched it again. Okay, bad energy. Yeah, not happening. Going back to black and white. Wow, do you know that almost every sports person has something like this? Yeah, I've seen like if I go through like the interview, and stuff. One of the questions that's always asked is, what's your superstition? I've seen people say like the way that they set their bottles during like tennis matches.

29:17I mean, I've not gone to that extent yet, but maybe one day I do. Yeah, Nadal is like that, right? Like the way he sets his bottles. Yeah. No, I have a few really weird ones as well. Tell me. Tell me the weird superstitions. I mean, there's a few that like if I look out at a certain person, like if my dad is sitting there, my mom's sitting there, my coach is sitting there and i'll win a point when i look at my dad mom and then my coach first i will stick to that order and then if i lose the point i will keep experimenting and keep switching the order and then if i like win a point sticking to one then i will keep doing that and somehow it actually ends up working i don't know how nice yeah there's a few i wipe my head and if i wipe my head and i win the point i keep doing that so it's quite a few odd ones but do you think about all of these before you get on the court?

30:09No, not really. It's just from the first point. And also, if I turn my racket around, it's facing a certain way and I win that first point, I will do that. And sometimes it's a few of them combined. So it's like, I have to do 10 ,000 things in between that few seconds that I have. And I'm like... Find a winning formula. Do I think about my match or do I think about what all I need to do when I need to wipe my hand? It's a lot. Nice. and then you would find the winning formula some random combination and it'll work in the entire tournament or for that match or for like 5 points for that match and if I feel like if it switches around then I'm more focused on actually trying to find my new superstition rather than what I need to change in my match I'm trying to fix that because I get too defocused then but I mean it's always worked for me so I think I mean I guess it's a form of like giving me confidence yeah but why are you trying to change that when it's working because then I don't think about actually you know the squash aspect of it I'm just thinking about okay I wiped my hand on a certain point in the court I need to keep going back and wiping my hand there so it's like am I thinking about that or you know which which shot I need to take isn't it good and isn't it better I mean I guess it kind of is because then if I lose a point it derails my mind from it a bit as well so yeah because I I would think that it's better for you because you're not actually focusing on oh how do I win the game how do I do this how do this in your head you know that okay you just you know the game you you've gotten through this like 500 times so you just need to find your some anchor point so that you can get back in the game yeah i mean i think it has its benefits i mean right now i'm only seeing the benefits so i'm gonna keep going whenever like yeah have you seen any time it has like it has messed up with your mind a lot it's not messed up in my mind there's been times where i've lost the match and it's not worked but I don't think it's because of the superstition.

32:05It's actually because of what I've produced on the court but I sometimes blame it on the superstition even though it's my fault. I agree. That's a good way to actually blame it. I can't take accountability. It's not my fault. Are you a good loser or no? No, I'm terrible. You're terrible? I take a long time to get over losses. Since the beginning or right now? No, always. Always? Yeah. Why? You don't know how to lose. You can't lose. I can't. I'm way too competitive. Not only in squash, even in like, if I'm playing a board game with my friends or my family. If I lose, I won't be able to see their faces for the next few days.

32:49What do you do when you're losing? Or when you lose? When I lose, I cry. I mean, sometimes I remember from when I was a kid, even though I was happy, if I've played someone really good and I've lost it's just been an instinct that I have to cry even though I've been happy it's just been something that's been in it but now I mean I've stopped doing that it's too embarrassing now but why is it embarrassing it's good no I need to be mature who's putting these ideas in your head myself why it's good to cry no I know I cry it's better people will love you more you will love yourself more no I cry when I you know when I feel like it but I don't force myself okay but yeah I mean I'm I'm a really bad loser I take too long to get over it and my coaches I mean they know because normally if you talk to a coach they'd be like you've done this wrong you've done this wrong but they know that if they talk to me about the bad things after I've lost that it's going to make me feel worse so now they've just started you know consoling me rather than you know actually talking about the match so it's worked well so you cry not anymore not anymore No, unless I genuinely feel really bad about it, then yeah.

34:01But you would cry after even a practice game or just tournaments? No, just tournaments. Just tournaments. Yeah. Let's say you lose a match in a practice game, then? I mean, I'd be quite hard on myself. I mean, my parents have brought me up in a way that whenever they'd get the time, they'd come and watch my matches. And whenever they'd watch my matches, they'd sometimes give me inputs and they'd tell me what to do before and after. So, I mean, even during practice games, I've, you know, been brought up in a way that I need to take it like I'm playing a tournament. So I think that's just something that even if I'm playing a practice game and I lose, I hate losing like every single point.

34:40So what's hard on you? You said you're hard on yourself even when you lose a practice match. Yeah, I mean, because I know that if I'm making those mistakes in practice, then I might make those in the match as well. so I might as well just you know make sure that I'm not you know doing that during my practice games and making sure that everything is going well so that you know nothing goes wrong but that's a mental game right that's a mental game but what do you do like you said I'm quite hard on myself yeah what do you mean by that like do you sit down with the pen and paper try to solve certain things do you beat yourself up do you get angry at yourself what do you do no I mean I just keep replaying it over and over in my head but and I've started recording my games as well now because my coach doesn't live in India.

35:22So I always, whenever I play like practice games, I send it over to him. So now once I have the recordings, before I go to sleep, I always watch them. And before I go to sleep, it's like always in my head, like, why did you do this? And you really need to like change it in the next one. And I keep making the same mistakes. So it's like, before I go to sleep, it's always, you know, replaying in my head over and over. Do you sleep with, like, do you sleep with playing your games in your head? like in your dreams do you think dream about squash only no i dream about my reels because i i do scroll a lot so it's like after i watch my squash match i make sure that i either watch a tv show or you know scroll because i don't want to go to sleep thinking about squash as well so then i make sure that you know i distract myself and it's just you know something that i like doing to get my mind off of it nice you know it's beautiful so many things you do which are based on psychology principles and you don't even know about it that's in very interesting whoever has taught you this or maybe you yourself it's incredible like i can think of five psychological principles that you're doing in your head which is a little bit over talk it's amazing okay so tell me more what what else do you see you when you lose your heart on yourself but when you go home you distract yourself with some certain some kind of reels so those are the reels which are playing in your head.

36:43Do you wake up then the next day thinking about that I lost? Not so much actually because I mean and for the last 10 years I've had school in the morning so I've been like waking up thinking about school rather than squash and I only used to train like once school used to end so I mean once I wake up I used to think about school just spend time with my friends and you know get that part of my life into you know the day and then And once I come back home, then, you know, squash is more in the evening part. So I spend like three, four hours in the evening thinking about squash and only squash. And then, you know, the first couple of hours and the first half of the day about the rest of the thing.

37:23So I can balance things out of bed. But do you, during the day, maybe after school, do you think about that? I want to win. I want to be the champion. I want to be this person. I want to win this tournament. Are you like that? I mean, definitely, because, I mean, a lot of my day goes on talking about squash even at home, because I'd be talking to my parents, okay, I have these tournaments to play, and, like, I have to go for training here, and, like, just my planning. So, I mean, most of the day, it's just, you know, circling in my head, you know, what my future is like, and what I need to do now, and, you know, just my plans and stuff.

37:57So, I mean, it's constantly going on in my head. I mean, even in school, sometimes my teachers used to just look at my laptop, and they'd see like a squash match open on you know my laptop rather than me studying used to be a bit of a problem sometimes but I think they got used to it after a point but are they nice to you when they see you just being involved in squash I mean yeah or are they not nice to you and be like hey that's the part of the life which you can take care of after school I they were a mix I mean I think it would depend on the time of the day if it's you know if they're in a good mood they let me watch my squash matches and I mean they know I'm like that whether they say you know stop it or not they know eventually i'm gonna watch it so they i mean there was a lot of times they used to be like okay first 10 minutes in ahat okay if you want to watch your squash watch it we're not doing anything important but after that you need to you know make sure that the next 30 minutes of the lesson you're actually focusing on the study so you used to have deals like that nice so everyone around you has been supportive yeah have you gotten angry on your parents during the game or after the game i think that's numerous times i mean not angry but we argue a lot i mean especially like give me the yeah during practices and stuff if you know they're telling me do this do this i get annoyed i'm like i know what i'm doing just don't tell me but i think just we've had a few talks i've had a few talks with my coaches as well and they're like they're your parents they're doing it for your own good they're not just doing it because they're bored so just listen to them and yeah I mean it's all just gonna help me out in the future and I think just it's taking me a bit of time to realize that and I think today is one of the days I'm realizing it but you never know tomorrow I'm annoyed with them again so it's a cycle tell me the worst time tell me a time where you were at your worst behavior with them uh I mean I still have those days actually there's I mean I had an argument with my mom yesterday and she's like you don't listen to me I'm telling you this you have to just you know listen there was a while in the middle where you know my dad's been quite involved as well because he he's mainly the one that travels with me and he knows the most about squash in my family besides of course my sister but yeah I mean he's also constantly telling me and there was a while where we'd argue like every single day and after a point he was like Anath okay you want to do this on your own do it on your own then I'm not getting involved and then I think after a few days I realized that you know I actually need him on my side I was like okay please just come back help me out and I think just I have of course I'm still a teenager and I have my mood swings so yeah I mean it's going to take me a while to realize it but yeah did you go and like apologize or no you were just like oh this is all done like just brush it under the carpet I don't I don't say too many sorries but I think I try to go and talk to them and I try to be extra sweet and I think they realized that that's my form of saying okay i apologize for my behavior today just please come back when was the last time you were sorry um last time i was sorry i'd say before like my event like the world juniors that happened i when i was in training during like in prague and of course i had my coach there as well and my parents were there as well so of course when i'm in prague it's all just squash squash squash all the time so I mean when I come back home to like the apartment and I just want to rest and forget about it and I'm like my parents are still saying okay you didn't do this in your practice session and stuff like that and my coach is telling me that as well so I'm like I think that was the last time I remember actually having an argument and I was like okay can you give me a break like this is my time to just go and like sit in bed and enjoy and talk to my friends and I think yeah I mean that was the last time we actually argued about and they're like, okay, you don't want to listen to us, don't listen to us.

41:45And the next day I ended up playing really badly. So I think that was just after that, I was like, okay, maybe I should listen to them. And that's, you know, the world's way of telling me that if you don't listen, then you're going to play like this all the time. So I was like, okay, I apologize. I'll listen to you from now on. But did you listen then? I tried. I tried for a few days and then I went back to normal and then I tried for a few days. So it's a cycle right now. Do you find it difficult to just say word sorry? Yeah, definitely. It's quite hard. Why is that hard? Because you feel like, oh, it's not my fault.

42:21Yeah. They should have understood. I do say that to myself sometimes. But I mean, I'm not too good with my words. So I have other ways of showing my love and showing if I feel bad about something, then I show it in other ways rather than actually saying it. Fair. Okay. based on every opponent you have faced let's say you can't actually rank other opponents people who you have never played maybe you will face some of them in LA like right now based on everyone you have faced do you think you have superior mental strength? I don't think I'm number one why? you've beaten them all in my age category?

43:04yeah all the opponents in your age category maybe one or two I'd say so what came in your head why did you keep yourself as two because who came in your head I mean it's not who it's I think it's just about me because I'll also have my ups and downs there'll be days where I feel like okay yeah definitely that I feel like I'm very strong right now and I feel like I'm in a really good place then there'll be some days where of course I mean every athlete will doubt themselves and I think there will be days where there'll be other squash players who will feel like they're doing then a better place than i am so i don't think i can say i'm number one because there'll definitely there'll be some days that i am number one but then there'll also be days where i'm number 10 okay so i think it definitely varies on which tournament i am and so it's not who like you you can't think of an individual person who has better mental strength than you you can just think about yourself like yeah i think good days number one bad days number two yeah i think it's more about me than anyone else and what is going on in my head.

44:08Nice. Do you compare yourself with anyone? No, not so much. Never? Have you compared yourself with anyone? Are the squash players? No. Anyone. Just in life also you can tell me. Compared myself. In any aspect of your life? I'd compare myself to my friends. For what? I mean sometimes I'd wish I'd have their lives. Why? What is there in their life? Sometimes. Like sometimes. What are those times? I mean, some days when I'd see them, you know, going out and having fun. And what is going out and having fun? Going for parties, going shopping, going for movies. And, you know, I ended up missing my graduation a couple of months back.