E080 - Powerful Flirting Habits to Create S*xual Chemistry With Any Woman (easy to follow) | Blaine Anderson

0:00Approaching women, it doesn't really matter what you say, it's more about how you say it. What you say next and being able to hold a conversation is going to be more important than those first words themselves. Blaine Anderson is a dating coach, helping men improve their dating skills and attract meaningful relationships. If you take every rejection personally and a hit to your ego, you're not going to get very far meeting women in real life. And if a woman doesn't want you, then it's like, okay, her loss. We can agree that environments or situations where you will maximize your options. So finding the right type of girl.

0:35Yeah. So first of all, I tell people all the time, if you are struggling to get second dates, look for these signs. You've got yourself in this environment and then somebody takes your fancy. Yeah. What are some of the best ways that you can go about approaching them? So step by step, I love if you can... What's up, guys, and welcome back to First Things Thirst. We have a special guest today in Austin, Texas, Blaine Anderson. Hi, thanks for having me. so you are a dating coach true now so you specialize in helping men in the dating process and finding a partner or actually helping people who have already found a partner and you're helping their existing relationship my specialty is helping men date better so it's the dating process to find a partner a lot of what i talk about and teach will also help in the relationship phase, but that's not primarily what I'm focused on.

1:34How did you get into this? I'm sorry. Yeah, I kind of stumbled into it. I worked in the travel industry prior to 2020. And then when the pandemic hit, people stopped traveling. So my business stopped having business. And I had always loved talking about dating. And I was constantly finding myself helping my guy friends with their dating app profiles and giving them dating advice. So my boyfriend at the time, who's now my husband, suggested why don't you take everything that you are telling these guys individually and compile it into a course so that is when my first and most popular course my dating master class was born in 2020 and there's clearly a demand for it yeah i've had over 6 000 clients so it's doing quite well and i think uh that just illustrates sort of the time we're in and that people are struggling both men and women with dating yeah yeah i don't think it's i don't know actually i feel as though men are definitely struggling but it's certainly not easy for women as well i feel like men might struggle with the the actual beginnings of dating and choosing someone but where women are involved i think it's actually finding a decent guy yeah yeah i think you're spot on men and women both face challenges dating but they're different challenges men their primary struggle is how do i stand out how do i get women to notice me find a woman i'm excited about and have her return the interest where women's struggle is how do i decide who is going to be a good partner through the smoke and mirrors how do i pick the right guy so why do you think the the dating scene at the moment has got to the point that it's at I think there's a lot of contributing factors that make dating more challenging today.

3:25I think, you know, I mentioned I started this during I started my business during the pandemic. I don't think that helped. I think people were very isolated. Loneliness spiked. People's anxiety, social anxiety increased, became even more accustomed than we already were to relying on technology to communicate and to get things done. And that has really carried over since then. And I find that people who rely on technology, technology is great, but a lot of my clients rely on it in their day-to-day lives a lot and, you know, work maybe in a technology field. And those skills and that, you know, interaction doesn't translate to dating well.

4:03So I think that's part of it, just technology, pandemic. And then a lot has changed really rapidly. You know, we've evolved from, if you look at human history as a whole, like how long humans have been around. we have been even using the written word for a blip of how long we've been communicating and things have progressed very quickly now you're expected to communicate in 150 characters on this little black box like that's tricky and people are judging each other for how they communicate there and you're supposed to represent yourself and find a partner that way that's really hard and it's not intuitive have you had any uh previous experience with dating apps me yeah Yeah, I used dating apps briefly.

4:44There was a point in my life where I lived abroad. I was living in a new country every month for two years. And so I didn't have community in those places. And so I would date online and just like meet people through dating apps then. yeah i've i haven't really used a huge amount but like you said when if i have been traveling yeah and i've wanted to you know meet people yeah but i've been in this a new environment where i don't know anyone i think it can be great but whenever i've been living in a place for a longer period of time i don't really feel as though i need to use them yeah do you feel like there's in particular which stand out like which ones would yeah would be better to download because from from what i've experienced in different regions different apps tend to be like the the thing yeah spot on so it really depends on where you are different cities different countries certain apps are more popular and you really want to use the app that most people are using because it's a numbers game and that's how i feel about apps generally is how you described using them is the best method.

5:50You know, it's good to know how to use a dating app, to have a good profile, to fire it up as a way to meet more people. But if you are relying on online dating as the means to your dating life, you're probably not going to have a really great dating life. You need to get comfortable approaching women, meeting people in person, building social circles and community. You're just going to have better options that way. Have you heard, I think over the past few years, the valuation of Bumble has gone down quite drastically. Yeah. Why do you think that is? I think it's illustrative of the fact that people are sick of dating apps.

6:27People are spending a lot of time on them, but they aren't necessarily satisfied with them, but they're using them because they don't see another means of meeting people. A lot of people are really busy, so they don't necessarily know how else to meet people. But yeah, people aren't satisfied with them and they haven't mixed it up in a really long time. dating apps have really remained the same. They might come out with new features or different things to use, but the fundamental swiping, chatting, maybe going on a date is really tiresome. I think it's like on Hinge, I believe this stat is like you swipe on approximately 50 people before ending up with one date.

7:11That's a lot of swiping. Yeah. i had uh this is always the problem with dating online the whole catfish oh yeah so i had a an interesting situation oh let's hear it once upon a time um i think it was it it was in tokyo and um obviously i wanted to you know see if anybody was around because the problem is when you go to a place like tokyo nobody speaks english yeah so really in tokyo no no well there are some people but most of the people who are in tokyo the japanese people don't speak english okay so that's a bit of a problem if you're wanting to use the old school method of going out to talk to people because nobody understands what you're saying yeah and i've been in a situation before where i've tried to go on a date with somebody who doesn't speak english you spend the whole time just i've also been there it's exhausting um so so anyway i was i was going through Bumble, there were some potential, you know, women that looked quite interesting.

8:15So there's a few that I swiped on and then one swiped back and we agreed to meet. So anyway, we came to the point where she was going to meet at the lobby in the hotel. So I went down and I was just, I was sitting there like, keeping an eye out for this person. I was like, where the hell is she? I was like, where are you? I'm here. And she goes, I'm here too. I was like, and i saw this person next to me on the phone and she did not look anything like the person were the photos even of her or yes but like heavily edited heavily edited yeah that's a problem with ads so yeah i was faced with a bit of a dilemma as whether i should just get up and leave but she obviously probably would have recognized me at some point if i was to get up so i just politely said hello and kind of i think we we went for one drink then i made it some excuse used to to leave yeah what was what was different about her than her photos everything like literally everything so that was uh i don't understand why people do that because like what do you think is going to happen when you show up i guess like maybe they're like oh my shining personality is going to like win them over despite looking nothing like my photos but you're really getting off on a bad foot if you're misrepresenting yourself online because then it's like what else about you isn't true i know it's but it's so common though like i just i don't know why people do it but that yeah so i guess we do know why they do it because they want to get matches and they weren't getting probably getting going on dates and getting matches with their real photos yeah so that was my it was one of my experiences on bumble um but going back to to men okay so if we're talking about men and how they can improve their chances when it comes to to to dating or finding somebody what are some of the basic things that they can do?

10:05Yeah. So one is get comfortable sticking your neck out more. So that means a variety of things. But for a lot of guys, they aren't actually putting themselves out there enough to meet people. They aren't putting themselves in environments with women that they could be interested or be interested in them. They aren't actually approaching women. They aren't creating chemistry and flirting when they do talk to women they're interested in. So just taking more risks and getting over the fear of rejection is a huge one. Because if you approach dating with the fear or you know of you're worried that she's not going to like you back you're not going to take enough shots on goal yeah and you're also probably going to be approaching in a way that doesn't exude confidence that comes off as being scared of rejection and that's not attractive yeah so that's one of the key things okay so let's let's talk about environments or situations where you will maximize your options of finding the right type of girls yeah so first of all we can agree that nightclubs is probably not going to be a good choice agreed right um gyms can be good i met my husband at the gym yeah yeah especially one thing i've noticed as well is the timings of when you go to the gym yeah so if you go to the gym early in the morning i mean that's a different crowd of people compared to the ones that are going either at lunchtime or in the evening and I tend to find I don't know why but this is certainly my experience in Dubai more women tend to train in the morning compared to an evening so I would say timing is important but what's even more important is like the type of gym or the type of workout because if you're going to like a workout class for example are you familiar with berries yeah that's where I met my husband there's a start time and there's an end time people are congregating in the lobby before There's a smoothie bar.

11:56So it's a natural environment to talk to somebody. That is much easier than a free gym where it's on the gym floor and she has her headphones in and she's lifting weights or running on the treadmill. You can't approach her in that situation. So you have to kind of get lucky and end up at the water fountain at the same time, coming or going at the same time. It's just more difficult. so i really like fitness classes as a way um if you do want to optimize meeting people at the gym and like a saturday morning class you know she's not going to be rushing any place after most likely it also indicates a mutual lifestyle like she probably wasn't at the club till four in the morning the night before if she's going to a 9 a.m yoga or pilates class so you can infer things about her lifestyle so if that's your lifestyle then you might get along yeah as opposed to like I think 6 a.m you know people are usually getting it in before work so then they're like jetting off right after it's not like they have time to sit and talk yeah and I think if you do go to a yoga or pilates class you'll probably find the ratio quite favorable very favorable for a guy um run clubs as well run clubs are big right now they're like the new uh dating societies yeah yeah do you have them in dubai yes they're they've definitely become more popular over the past year there's like a there's a big beach called kite beach um and then there's like loads of different clubs that have kind of cropped up out of nowhere i hosted one uh in january and there was a very good turnout but they did tend to be a little bit more guys um but that's i've seen some of my friends do it that one of my friends does one in bali and that just kind of blew up and end up getting i think one time i had like 100 people wow there's some really big ones here in austin yeah yeah there's a ton of run clubs you'll like see like a pack of 100 people running down the road yeah what's going on oh run club where else what are the scenarios so it's really dependent on the person anything that you enjoy doing i mean not everything is created equal but if you are artistic or you are into poetry, going to a poetry reading, going to a bookstore that has an author speaking.

14:09If you like art, taking a pottery class. I have a guy friend taking a pottery class right now. He doesn't have any experience in pottery, but it's something that piqued his interest and he wants to meet more people. And it's been a great place for him to meet women. You want to think about what's the, where's like the Venn diagram of things that you are interested and genuinely will enjoy doing and places women spend time and then where's the what's the intersection like you might enjoy video games but that's not going to be a great place to meet women yeah what about the the approach so let's say for example you you've got yourself in this environment and then somebody takes your fancy yeah what are some of the best ways that you can go about approaching them yeah so step by step i love if you can make eye contact first it is not a requirement.

14:58I have guys be like, well, we weren't able to make eye contact. It's like, okay, it's not that you have to, but that can be a really nice sort of like way to signal or way to see if like there's some interest there. If she holds your eye contact, if she smiles, if she looks back at you again, that is going to be a more of a green light than having no eye contact or recognition of each other made. What if she looks at you, but she doesn't smile, but she holds the look? Wait, that's okay. Because then guess what? You can use that as your opener. you can walk up to her and say i think we made eye contact so i wanted to come introduce myself yeah that's something guys get wrong is they feel like they need to have the perfect line they feel like they need to say something witty when they approach a woman and you don't you can keep it super simple i think we made eye contact or i noticed you from over there and i just wanted to come say hello if i i would not say i think we made eye contact no i don't think what if you made eye contact though then you wouldn't you're like we i know we did you still wouldn't feel comfortable yeah no i because i've i've made this mistake a few times where i couldn't actually tell if they were interested or not because they didn't smile but they were staring and i think if they do it a second time and they're for sure that's like that's an indication where yeah okay you can come over and talk yeah yeah but you wouldn't say i think we made eye contact no i just don't think it really i guess that my point is it doesn't really matter what you say it's more about how you say it so if you walk over with confidence and you look her in the eye and you have a genuine warm smile and you say i think we made eye contact so i wanted to come introduce myself or you say like you caught my eye so i wanted to come introduce myself either way assume if she's in she's either gonna be interested or she's not she might have been looking at you because you had a big piece of spinach in your teeth in which case it's like you know maybe she isn't and she's a boyfriend so she's going to say like oh thanks but bye or she's going to think you're cute and think your confidence was attractive and engage in conversation what you say next and being able to hold a conversation is going to be more important than those first words themselves i don't think you need to be using any chat lines or cheesy ones i think back in the day you remember there's a book that came out that was very popular called the game oh yeah of course yeah so i think that was a thing for a period of time and then i think all the women had either heard the chat lines or just didn't really work anymore so i agree i think if you just have a basic conversation yeah all you need to do is just break the ice exactly yeah pickup lines the reason they don't work for most guys is because you are using somebody else's line it's not authentic to you So most likely the way you are delivering it doesn't come off as confident or authentic or like you said, she has heard it before.

17:48And that's why I think pickup artists, they had like the game and some of those other people who said like, oh, if you follow these tips or tricks, you'll be able to get women to notice you or to sleep with you or to give you her number. But that's exactly what it is. It's tricks. It's a manipulation. Exactly. It might work initially, but it is unlikely to help you build or sustain a lasting connection because you're not being your authentic self. So, okay, you've broken the ice. There is some sort of a conversation that has started. How can you tell if this person, I mean, I guess it is kind of obvious, but there's some people who seem to struggle to read body language or just know that, okay, this person isn't interested.

18:37Yeah. so i think first of all if they're like their body is like not even facing you shifting away that's probably one sign yeah and then if they're not really asking you any questions or their answers are very blunt i think that's safe to say exactly not making eye contact not encouraging conversation looking away from you consistently like you said facing away that's why a lot of the men i work with really like my programs i have a variety of different courses because they literally give you, I like to break things down very specifically. So it's like, look for these signs. If you don't see these signs, the opposite of what we just talked about, if she's not making eye contact, if she doesn't have open body language, if she's not asking you questions in return, you probably don't want to ask for her number.

19:23And that's okay. A lot of mistakes, the mistake I see men make is they rush the ask. So they go up to her and their goal is just, okay, I'm going to ask for her phone number. And that shouldn't be your goal when you approach a woman. Your goal should be like, let me talk to her and get to know her to see if I should ask for her phone number. That's going to be better for both of you because if she's rude or if she doesn't show introspect, why do you want her phone number? Asking shows a lack of awareness. Whereas if you approach with the mindset of can I create a connection and see if we have things in common, you're going to have better conversation.

19:59And then if there is some connection, you're going to have more of a shot of getting her phone number than if you just rush it. Like guys who walk up and like you might use the opener and then they immediately skip to the ask for the number. Why you? Why is she going to give you her phone number? Maybe if you were really handsome and she was already attracted to you. But most likely she's going to want to see that you guys can have some banter back and forth. That you have something in common that you are able to carry conversation if she's going to commit to going on a date with you. So it's important not to skip that intermediary step of building that connection before asking.

20:35And what if she doesn't want to give you her number, but she'll give you a social media handle? Is that still, is that like a polite rejection or? Not necessarily. It might be that she's just more comfortable with that. So, and it actually is a yes. Or it might be she's undecided and wants to do a little more recon before committing to a date. let me do a background check yeah exactly see who you are see what your pictures are like so that's why even when guys are like hey i'm not into social media or even i'm not online dating it's still important to have some good photos because if you are gonna you know exchange instagrams you want to have you don't need to be an influencer and in fact like you don't need to you definitely don't want to look like you're trying to be an influencer and not succeeding but having just like a couple good photos some photos that showcase your lifestyle can be really beneficial for that well i think there's a lot of women now are more attracted to guys who are a little bit more private with social media because like you said you can kind of tell when someone's trying a little bit too hard and even i've found obviously my businesses and my work is relies on social media so same it's not like i'm i'm doing it just to get attention like i need to actually do it um but there's been cases before where you know i've met someone i've been speaking to them this is like in real life and um they've asked me for my social media and i'm like no okay what let me just give you my number instead because i don't i don't want them to see my social media i don't want that to like you need like a backup account that's like 500 followers you look like a totally a normal guy no social media following it's private yeah because some wholesome photos with your grandma sometimes i mean this is obviously probably not very relatable but if you have a bigger following that can be a deterrent for some women yeah like they're just being oh no screw this guy like he's gonna get too much attention like it's not worth the headache so i think a lot of guys don't need to stress out about having a massive following because it doesn't actually it can actually work against you as you said looking as though you have you you you've got a semi-interesting life like you're doing things you're not trying too hard but there's like subtle hints of you you know having an abundance of resources yeah um and then again which is quite interesting is a lot of it really is down to timing so if you are going to approach somebody and maybe not that you don't get maybe you get rejected or you don't get a number it might be the case at that point in time they are in a relationship and they're not available i think a lot of guys get really offended huge mistake it's like don't be offended huge mistake it's probably the case that it's very rare that most women are fully fully single yeah like they're probably talking to it likely has nothing to do with you yeah like you're kind of giving yourself too much credit thinking like oh she like she doesn't like me sure maybe yeah maybe you're not her type maybe she doesn't like men at all maybe she's dating somebody else maybe she's having a bad day maybe she's just a bitch like if you take every rejection personally and a hit to your ego you're not going to keep approaching women and you're not going to get very far meeting women in real life you need to have self-worth and confidence in yourself and if a woman doesn't want you, then it's like, okay, her loss.

24:09And if your attitude is her loss, like I'm cool with who I am, I know what I bring to the table, you're not going to get in your feelings every time a woman doesn't want to give you her phone number. Because most of the time, you aren't going to get a phone number. You aren't going to get a date. So I like to say dating is a numbers game to a point. You also need to be doing the right things. If you're doing the wrong thing and you're approaching in a weird way or you're not coming off confident or you're rushing the ask, you could approach a thousand you could approach a thousand women and get zero phone numbers but if you're doing things the right way and you're following the right steps if you approach a hundred women you're going to get some traction you're going to get phone numbers yeah and i think it's probably safe to say leave the majority of the talking for the actual first date please please don't become a pen pal yeah yeah so getting the first date or some sort of a meeting yeah set up a date it should be a first day you should set the tone that this is a date i'd like to take you out not you know oh can we meet up as friends unless that's what you want but assuming you are interested in her romantically being confident in calling in a date and treating it as such is going to get you a lot further yeah you know i do sometimes i i say i'm gonna do something and then i like oh do you want to join because that way even if they say no it doesn't look like i'm gonna you know be upset or let down because i'm still gonna do that thing i was gonna do and it's probably something you wanted to do yeah so it gives her an idea of your lifestyle the type of things you're interested in and she can join and if not no sweat okay yeah and i i would imagine quite a lot of guys make the mistake of trying to overly impress on the first date or do something too fancy yeah i'm a big fan of the casual first date because why as the man do you want to invest all this time and energy into somebody you don't know that can often indicate that you don't have a lot of options or that you don't value yourself or your time whereas i'm not saying like it has to be something so casual as like just a walk although like a walk can be okay in my opinion although some people very strong feelings about that really people are very anti-walk you haven't heard that like yeah there's girls on instagram like i'm not a dog i don't want to go on a walk oh well that's an automatic red flag yeah that's how i feel exactly exactly i think it's a way to rule people out and even as the woman why do you want to commit to a fancy sit-down dinner with someone who you might have nothing in common with and not have stimulating conversation conversation as a woman i would much rather have a quick drink go on a walk get a juice to see if there's a vibe especially if you've met online or you've met in a social setting in real life where it's very quick where you don't know this person i don't want to commit to anything long term i don't want to go sit down at a sporting event that's going to take three hours you know even if you have front row seats like no thank you yeah that's so true if you haven't met before and it's purely online yeah you need to do something which is just going to be a little test yeah zero it's day zero yeah it's just a vibe check and then the first date is actually the second time you're meeting and sure go to dinner do something a bit more involved yeah so let's assume that the the first meeting has taken place the first physical meeting that's gone well and then we go to the like official first date what are some things that men should not be doing some mistakes which they make so you should not be treating it like a business meeting i think a lot of at least my clients fall into the category of they want to be respectful and they don't actually put themselves out there enough and flirt enough or create romantic chemistry so they're just very they might be very polite they have good conversation but they aren't you know leaning in and holding eye contact they aren't creating any physical touch they aren't going for a hug or going for a kiss when that's what makes meeting somebody a date versus just a platonic meeting i've fallen into that trap before yeah because i've been so afraid of coming across too forward like a sleaze like sleazebag or whatever um and then she's like i do like me yeah i mean this was it was a long time ago but i was i was too nice um and i just wanted to get to know the person and for her to know that i'm like a good guy yeah i'm a gentleman yeah but it was like i remember this one scenario we're in ibiza and went on a walk and it went to this like private bay nobody was around we went into the water it was like picture perfect setting and i was just stared at her and i didn't like it would have mean the perfect place to give her a kiss yeah i just didn't and then afterwards she was like why did you not kiss me and i was like just trying to be a nice guy so there's there's mistakes which i've made and i think maybe in this this modern climate men are just afraid of absolutely they're afraid of being perceived as creepy yeah um yeah or like harassing women or whatever so So what are some signs that you can go in to make a move?

29:33Yeah. Well, I hear this all the time from men. What you just described is like, I'm worried about being perceived as creepy or I don't want to come across as creepy. And that's absolutely a byproduct of the climate of like, I don't want to do anything wrong. I could get in trouble. But the reality is most men who are worried about being creepy, they aren't the problem. They aren't the creepy men. And there's a lot of steps between, you know, nothing and a kiss or nothing and sex or a kiss and sex. There are a lot of things to hit before that to understand if she is interested and to check the mood.

30:07so for example on a first date let's say maybe you're you you know okay i'm interested in her i would like to secure a second date i want to kiss her at the end of the date to you know see if there's a vibe in that case leading up to the end of the date that the end of the date shouldn't be the first time you touch her when you go for the kiss touch her knee as you're talking guide her to her seat and touch her lower back ask about her bracelets and touch her hand or wrist throughout the date. Lean in. Does she lean back? Does she hold your eye contact? If when you lean forward, she leans away or when you touch your hand, she pulls it away.

30:43Okay, back off a little bit. Not an indication that you should go for the kiss. But if she's receptive to all of those little steps, then going for the kiss at the end of a date, a date is something you've both opted into as a romantic interaction. It's appropriate. And if you aren't sure about the kiss or if she wants one ask and i get a i hear a lot of can i give you a kiss i see i actually think you can ask in a statement and it's a lot sexier so saying something like you're standing close to one another you're outside the restaurant you're looking at maybe look at her lips you look back in her eyes and it's like i really want to kiss you right now okay yeah and that yeah and that and then she's either going to kiss you or she's gonna say like do it or she'll make i don't kiss on the first date and you can say ah something to look forward to next time there's a way to play it off right um yeah it's not like can i give you a kiss don't do that is there ever a time where a woman would make physical touch and it not mean something good yeah i mean maybe she's just really flirty maybe she's really comfortable with physicality but then she still decides she's not romantically interested in you it's not a guarantee but it is a good indication that there is she's at least exploring interest yeah she might be exploring it and then decide she's not interested she can change her mind just like you can change your mind maybe you end up saying something that turns her off where she realizes it's not a good fit for whatever reason but you're not going to get you know a drink thrown in your face or slapped if you have checked those initial boxes before going for the kiss or asking for the kiss and then after let's say it's the first date if you've had if you've kissed that's probably a good sign that it's gone well and you probably don't really need to put much effort in or think much about how to proceed after that because it's going to come naturally but i'm like i don't know i think i don't think it comes naturally to everybody yeah you do need to think about it i think and like have a good follow-up because if you have a kiss after the date she might be initially interested but if you totally fumble the follow-up and you you know text her something lame or you don't follow up in a timely manner that was the best night of my life yeah or text her something weird you're probably still not going to get the second date like what i mean like that was the best night of my life or just like uh i it was fun meeting you and then nothing else or you don't text her for a few days I've seen that advice online, like wait three days.

33:15It's like, no, what kind of game is that? Like we're in a fast paced world. She's dating other people. Like if she doesn't hear for you for a few days, that's, you know, kind of a turnoff. I'm not saying you need to confess your love the next day or even plan the second date, but a follow-up text like, hey, it was really great meeting you. Or like I had fun XYZ calling back something specific from the date. I'd love to see you again. It can go a long way. Would you suggest to send that message after the date or the next day it's not it's not you know you're not gonna like shoot yourself in the foot one versus the other but i would say if you have a date at night then the next day can be fine if you have an afternoon or a daytime date then that evening is fine but it's gonna be yeah you don't need to like immediately follow up um and definitely don't be over texting i don't you don't need to send a text message that night send one the next day wish her a good morning wish her a good night.

34:13You're much more likely to text yourself out of a date than text yourself into a date. So I'm a proponent of less is more early in a relationship and save texting for the logistics of planning the next date, not trying to get to know one another. We'll get back to the podcast in a second. But first of all, I want to say a massive shout out to Bionic. I have been using their supplements for the past four years. I never knew what supplements I needed to take. I'd always go into the pharmacy and buy a load of random bottles and end up popping pills all day, every day, not having a clue if I was consuming the vitamins, which I should be consuming at all.

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35:33Yeah. And luckily for me, and if you are a guy who is very busy as it is, then you just, you probably won't even have the time. And that will usually work in your favor. Yeah, you naturally have boundaries. Boundaries are really important with dating. And it's ideal if your boundaries are set because you have other things going on rather than, you know, having false boundaries like, okay, now I need to wait 12 hours. So she thinks I'm busy and she doesn't think that I want to text her all the time. If you're just actually busy doing cool shit, living your life, then you're also going to have more things to talk about on the date, talk about the things you did since the last time you saw her.

36:11I'm a big proponent of building an attractive life, and that is going to have exponential growth on your dating life and benefits to your dating life than trying to learn the right amount of time to wait between texts or game the system so she thinks you're cool. just be cool do cool stuff and let's talk a little bit about ghosting because i think that's quite important um let's say you're either not getting replies or the replies are either blunt or just taking a long time to come back that's probably a safe sign that she's not that interested so would you say just to back off yeah if any one woman is showing signs of disinterest or not putting in effort effort equals interest if she's not putting in effort then back off and find somebody who will if this is happening consistently then you might be doing something wrong you might be sending boring text messages you might not be coming across as a viable romantic partner for whatever reason that's a reason that a lot of guys will come and work with me and to and choose to take one of my courses or do one-on-one coaching because they're consistently having a result that they don't want like they're not getting first dates or they aren't getting past the third or fourth date they consistently hear you're really nice but i didn't feel a romantic connection so it's like okay if you if any one woman does that okay that's one woman like you don't need to read too much into it you want to fit but if you're consistently having one of those things happen if you're consistently not getting the results you want dating you need to do something different you need to learn you need to learn how to come across as a partner you need to learn how to text better you need to learn how to make a good dating app profile dating is a learnable skill i think a lot of people don't appreciate that enough yeah and i have people ask me like how do you know if someone's interested or not it's like look you'll know yeah you have to ask yeah if you if it's not obvious then i don't know maybe just let that one slide i mean i do think some guys are oblivious to it like i've definitely had clients where they're like i don't know if she's interested in me and i'm like looking at the text messages or like kind of like dude yeah she is just like ask her out again or that's the thing they're like i don't know we kissed after the first date but she didn't you know give me any compliments she didn't text me like that quick after i'm like just ask her out again and you'll get your answer yeah and if she pushes it off or is like breadcrumbing you then move on either she wants to go out with you again or she doesn't if she doesn't your best bet is to move on and that's also low-key how if someone is unsure about you if you push and you are needy and you beg for it and you act like you really want her she's gonna be way less likely than if you're like okay cool bye and just proceed on with your life then she's much more likely to come around and be like you know what like we did have a good date like yeah i'm gonna follow up with him and if a girl is really interested like she will make an effort she'll make the time yeah she's not gonna be too busy with work or friends or travel like she'll find it i mean if she says she is unavailable it doesn't mean she's not interested she might genuinely have plans so give it another like a second chance yeah and if you get turned down again on the second chance like just leave it yeah exactly for her to maybe start that conversation again exactly exactly it's like is there is it a red yellow or green light red is like no response or like very short or terse response yellow light is maybe like oh like i'm busy i can't okay you can ask her one more time in that case green light is like i'm so sorry i totally forgot like my grandma's in town okay that's a green light to definitely ask again she's like apologized she's told you why she's busy maybe she's even said like i'd love to another time though and then you can proceed that way what are some sort of universal characteristics in men that women find attractive so women want guys who are high status you hear that term thrown around all the time status high status but i think it's often not understood what it means and how and or guys assume it means financial status wealth money and while that is a component of what might make a man have high status it is far from the only thing and oftentimes too heavily weighted so when you when i think about status it really goes you can attribute it to evolutionary biology thinking about and throughout history what makes somebody have a high status is do they have do they um have qualities that other people find attractive so do they are they able to provide that doesn't necessarily just mean financially are they able to be charismatic are they funny do they make people laugh do they um you know it could be any number of things are they good at a sport that make other people want to be around them or think that they are attractive that is going to elevate their status and make women interested in them so it is far from just financial you could be broke but a comedian and you're probably going to get women yeah because or you could be broke and i you know in a band that is crushing it and it's not even because oh i see the financial upside later that women are going to be interested in you it's because you have this quality that people value and appreciate yeah and there's there's obviously physical appearance is important but i think men they get a little bit confused about what it is that women actually find attractive they would assume that being bigger and more muscular would correlate to more women being interested but that's actually not the case like there's i mean obviously it can vary from one person to the next but i think we can agree if you have a athletic physique that's probably going to work in your favor yeah it's good enough yeah men care much more about what women look like than women care about what men look like women are going to value more your personality and what you bring to the table outside of looks then i think uh men often appreciate guys think oh women don't like me because i'm short and that's out of my control.

42:46So dating is rigged against me. And the reality is, if you have other qualities women are attracted to, I mentioned status, if you're able to communicate desire and interest in them, if you're fun to be around. Assume as good. Yeah, women are going to still be interested in you. And sure, you can't look like a slob if you are, you know, obese or like incredibly overweight where it's affecting your day-to-day life. Yeah, women who are super fit, probably aren't going to be attracted to that but if you you know carry yourself well you are well groomed if you dress appropriately that doesn't mean you have to dress like a gq model but you wear clothes that fit you and that look good on you it really doesn't matter like how symmetrical your face is it's more important how you make women feel in your status to whether or not they find you attractive yeah so humor important uh don't take yourself too seriously can help um just being fun to be around i think is really underrated you could i know plenty of really rich guys who are boring to be around and struggle with women yeah where you could be not financially successful but a blast to be around and you're probably going to do pretty well with women yeah but what if it was okay so what how does somebody try to be more fun if they're naturally more of a quieter introvert yeah so i would say most of my clients self-identify as introverted or shy and it definitely you don't have to be extroverted to be successful with women i'm not saying you need to be like jim carrey on a date and you know making jokes and keeping a stand-up comedian but just by doing interesting things and doing fun things and being able to talk about those things is going to go a long way so i've had clients be like well how do i become more interesting on dates is like just do interesting things take a trip pick up a hobby that you've been interested in put yourself out there to do something that you haven't done before challenge yourself in some way and those are things that you're going to be able to talk about on dates and women are going to find interesting yeah humor is an important one for me like i like to be myself and crack jokes and even just like jokingly play around and maybe you know give them a like a light insult just to see if they can take a joke because if somebody can't take a joke then i'm probably going to struggle to have like a fun relationship with them like if they can give it back and make fun of me that's even better because that's like a good sign that we're going to get along um that's kind of like a bit of a risky one though because there's been times where i would crack a joke at their expense they would either just not understand it or they would get really offended and i'll be like oh okay but to your point if they're super offended by that it's probably not a good fit for you yeah i mean you know there's definitely you could go too far in that whereas if she had gotten to know you more maybe the joke would have landed better so there's definitely like a happy medium to cracking a joke and like insulting somebody but if you're genuinely being playful and light-hearted you know and teasing teasing is a great way to flirt you're not insulting her you're teasing her and if she doesn't take that well then probably not for you what about being being open and vulnerable because someone who i follow she's pretty switched on she actually wrote she's doing a q a and uh somebody asked her what characteristics did she find attractive in a man and she wrote uh obviously a lot of things which we covered but she mentioned kindness and openness and vulnerability which i was like so i think openness and vulnerability is important and it can be confusing because oftentimes openness and vulnerability people don't associate it with being masculine and so they think like oh I can't be open and vulnerable because then I won't be masculine and then she won't be attracted to me but I actually think being if you can authentically be open and vulnerable in a way that's like hey this is who I am and what I bring to the table and if that's not for you then like okay I no no harm, no foul, not my problem, then that's actually going to illustrate confidence and be really attractive.

47:05So I think that's something that can be a little bit confusing. Whereas if you aren't open and you aren't vulnerable because you're scared of what other people think, that is going to be unattractive. And then I think the kindness is an interesting one too, because you hear about like the nice guy finishing last. And that can be true. Like to your point before where you're like, I was just trying to be really nice. I wanted to be a gentleman. And while yes, women want a gentleman and they want somebody who is kind, they don't want somebody who is kind to everybody at their own expense. And that can be even to a woman.

47:38If you just met this woman and you're bending over backwards, trying to accommodate her to make sure you can meet up and to work around her schedule, what does that say about you? It says that you don't have a lot of options and that you're willing to go out of your way for somebody that you don't even know which isn't necessarily attractive so there's a difference between being too nice and being kind being kind to the wait staff tipping well being you know looking somebody in the eye those are ways to demonstrate kindness that aren't at the expense of yourself yeah she also mentioned uh authenticity which you say authentic be authentically uh yourself yeah One of my key things in the way that I approach dating and the way I teach dating skills is it all needs to come from a place of you being authentic to yourself.

48:26Because if you are acting like somebody you're not and you aren't being authentic, women are going to see through that and it's not going to work out in the long run. So I teach men how to authentically market themselves so they can be who they are and still attract women that they're excited about. Yeah. what are your thoughts on a guy who wants to date but he's not looking for anything serious i don't have a problem with it if you're just looking for hookups or you know to fool around like i don't have anything is there something they should do or something they should say beforehand to kind of make it clear because it's a it's a weird one because there might also be other women out there who are looking for something casual in which case if two people want something casual perfect but usually that's not always the case and it might be maybe it's the guy that's wanting something casual um instead of the girl now is should they be open and honest from the beginning but because the thing is if they're too open and honest then the girl's gonna be like no because realistically the guy's like well i like you and i want to sex with you pretty quickly and if you say that they're gonna run away yeah you can't do that on their approach it's not like you caught my eye from over there and like i'm gonna have sex tonight that's probably not gonna go if a woman said that to a guy the guy'd be like yes please yeah let's do it no i think there's like a happy balance because she might not be interested in having sex with you tonight if she just met you and doesn't know who you are but if you build trust and there's a lot of chemistry then that might be something that she's open to but i am obviously a proponent of being open and honest about that.

50:12So it doesn't mean you have to tell her before the date, but if you're on the date and like sparks are flying, you might say something like, I just want to be open with about the fact that I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'm super attracted to you and would love to like see where this can go or would love to like take you home or whatever the situation is. And, you know, that's going back to the openness thing, like being open and confident and asking for what you want. You might actually be really surprised that more women than you think are uh open to that and interested in that if you can confidently ask for it and then you're going to have a better outcome anyway versus like you're conning someone into thinking you're looking for a long-term relationship you sleep with her once and then you know you open a whole different box of problems when you have different expectations of what's coming next yeah so with the people that you work with on a one-to-one basis um I'm curious to know what it is that they're struggling with and how you're helping them with their struggles.

51:11So I really have two clients that I see a lot of. One, I call the engineer. He's usually someplace in his 20s to 40s, may or may not actually be an engineer, but usually works in a technical field. He's a smart guy. He has great friends. He has interesting hobbies, but he's aware his dating life isn't at the same level and he wants his dating life to catch up. So that's a lot of who comes to me. They often are struggling with the ability to create chemistry and flirt. They're good one-to-one with people. They're really good at business, but they aren't creating that romantic dynamic with women.

51:46So that's something that I often see them struggling with, or they just aren't sure even where to meet women that they're interested in. And then the second client I see a lot of is the divorcee, someone who has been out of the game for 5, 10, 20 years maybe, usually a little bit older, may or may not have kids and just didn't expect to be single again and wants to get caught up, wants the cheat code for how to, you know, text, how to create an online dating profile because they just haven't been exposed to any of that. So those are the two people I see a lot of in my core business of courses and coaching.

52:20And then I also do matchmaking. And matchmaking client is a little bit different. That is somebody who's already really confident on dates, knows how to convert a first date into a second, third or fourth date, doesn't struggle there, but is usually successful. Often an entrepreneur, owns his own business and just doesn't have the time to meet people or doesn't want to be online, doesn't want to date online because maybe they're a public figure. or for whatever reason, you know, don't want their face out there in that way. So those clients are a little bit different where I tell people all the time, if you are struggling to get second dates or you're not confident with women, do not pay for matchmaking.

52:57You need to first learn the fundamentals before you're putting money behind getting set up with really high-quality women just to get turned down. So those are the different sort of buckets of guys that I see often and work with. Tell me more about the matchmaking thing. Yeah. Of course I know how that works. Yeah, so my matchmaking is a little bit different than maybe some other matchmakers. When a guy comes to us, we get to know them and what they are looking for. And then we go out and source women based on what they want. so for example sometimes matchmakers will have a database like an old database of women who have also applied women are paying men are paying and then they're trying to match them together or they just have these women who have applied and want to be considered we are going out and finding women that have no problem dating because they are really high quality they have a lot of options and then we're pitching them like hey like we get to know them as well then it's like hey let us set you up with this guy who we have in our database who's amazing he's successful you know whatever it is you'd give him like a full presentation of this guy no not exactly but we'll give them like the highlights because we have gotten to know both individually so we know it's not just like oh he's single and he wants a hot girl and she's single and hot it's like no these are the values and characteristics he's looking for in a woman this woman we've had a call with who we want to know her she has those things let's like tell her like this is this guy's a catch you know explain to her why we think it is going to be a good match she almost always opts in because like i said before yeah we build that trust and women would love a stamp of approval from another woman before going on a date when you meet a guy on a dating app you don't know if he's going to end up being prince charming or more likely than not a total dud and not somebody you want to see again.

54:47Women have trouble deciphering the good from the bad top of funnel. So having a woman vouch for this guy and have predetermined that you, okay, you at least have things in common and what you each say you're looking for matches, then we connect them and make the match. So it's a lot higher. It's more consistently going to be a really good date. It doesn't mean you're going to get married. You know, there's so much out of my control and out of each, even in each individuals control about whether that is possible but it's going to at least be a good date because you have things in common because we know that you share these interests you're going to have things to talk about so you're sourcing these women from an existing database or do you sometimes we mostly go out would you would you see somebody maybe on social media yeah and be like that's one way yeah like reaching out on social media also just meeting women in person you know i have matchmakers on my team we have contacts in different cities where if a woman's you know someone on my team is at a pilates or myself i'm at a pilates studio and i see a woman she's not wearing a ring she's really cute i'm like hey like i'm a matchmaker do you happen to be single i'd love to consider you for somebody i have it you know i have in mind and ask her some questions get to know her and then that's how it happens this is new to me i didn't know that that exists it's very personalized high-end personalized dating but i can see it obviously working i imagine you got some happy have you got any clients that have actually got married yeah so yeah i have client i haven't been doing the matchmaking really long enough to have clients who have gotten to marriage but definitely relationships well yeah maybe less people get married yeah well and also i mean i've officially been doing my matchmaking business for less than a year.

56:35So it'd be a very quick turnaround to be married. Although it's been going very well. But for my coaching clients, I have tons of marriages. I've been doing this since 2020. So I would say I get regular emails of engagements and marriages. And that is like why I do what I do. That is the best email I can get. Or even just say, hey, I met this person I'm really excited about. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken your course or if I hadn't worked with you or a coach on your team. Like, thank you so much. that makes me so happy and it's just proof that this is a learnable skill there are little tweaks that a lot of guys can make that will dramatically improve your dating life this is it's quite interesting which i've seen on social media especially in comment sections there's some guys usually i don't know quite upset but hurt guys who are like oh never take dating advice from a woman they don't know what they want yeah don't ask a fish how to fish yeah what's your thoughts on that so first of all those aren't my clients if you don't think i can help you if you're like this bitch is like has terrible advice like don't buy my products you know then you're not going to get value out of them if that is your mindset that you can't learn from a woman um i would say that that's obviously silly and it's also approaching it from like okay fishing like are you a fish you're kind of trying to trick a fish into, you know, biting the hook and then like reeling them in.

58:01That's not what I'm teaching here. We're not tricking women into liking you. It's like, no, how do you authentically market yourself to create genuine connections with women that you are excited about? The approach is, you know, becoming the best version of yourself and then also making sure people who you meet can see that version of you so they're interested. And then all of the tactical things that go along with it the texting the online dating profile the what makes a great first date what to do on a first date that you know we talked about this but to create chemistry how to ask for the second date all of that tactical stuff I lay out step by step by step because the type of guy I work with I mentioned the engineer he's very analytical he wants the formula yeah and so I break it down in a way that they can apply it to their own life and put their own flavor on it but it makes sense and i say that all the time like if you look at someone's advice another dating coach or even mine and you're like that makes no sense to me that's that doesn't resonate then that person's advice probably isn't for you there's not one size fits all i'm not saying my advice is the only way that you can find a partner you're excited about or to find a wife you've defined what works for you yeah do you have any clients who are in their early 20s or mid 20s Yeah, for sure.