E145 - To Become a Man, You Must Kill The Boy Before It's Too Late | Cole Hastings

0:00The people who are the most wealthy, what are they doing? What are they promoting? How are they conducting their lives? The models of that in modern society are pretty fucking bad.

0:10Cole Hastings:You might know him for what he's shared around self-development and growth. Cole Hastings. Okay, let's check it out. If you don't enjoy your life and your own company, there's something within you that you can't fully accept that you might be trying to run from. A lot of people have some sort of trauma that they've gone through and they're sabotaging either their career or their relationship. Really ask yourself, like, what qualities do other people have that I heavily judge that I have in some way? Look at those parts of yourself. Then it stops harming your life. It stops expressing itself in ways that do damage to yourself and others.

0:46Do you think there's guys taking it a little bit too far with the look maxing and just get overly obsessed with looking a particular way? You should be trying to be more attractive. You should be taking care of yourself. But you have to be careful that... Just a quick one, guys. We have an offer running on the Thirst app right now. And for those who don't know, this is an app which I built to give you everything that you could possibly need in order to get yourself in shape. This is everything which I've learned over the past 18 years of training, speaking to all of the experts and coaching thousands of clients.

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1:52So now's the time to get in shape, make it easier for yourself with a system that actually works with minimal input and the absolute maximum output. Let's get into the video. Cole Hastings, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me, man. I really appreciate you reaching out to me. I'm excited to get into the talk. Nice. I think it'll be good. It'll be nice conversation between two fellow content creators in a similar space but like different space I think you're very much more into the self-help and covering all sorts of different topics whereas I'm kind of known for the fitness stuff but obviously one of the perks of doing the podcast is I get to speak to loads of different people doing loads of different things and I get to speak to somebody like you so first of all I'm curious to know out of all the videos which you've made over the past nine years.

2:47Out of all those different topics that you have tackled and talked about, which one do you feel is the most concerning for you right now? The most concerning? So what's most pressing for the future that should be addressed? yeah uh probably when i speak about literacy which i've made quite a few videos on now um it's pretty concerning that about 54 of adults in america have below a sixth grade reading level uh the way that they calculate this obviously these people can read and write but comprehension is where it starts to take a decline. And when you really understand how much literacy matters in regards to everyone's future, really, the amount of civic engagement people are involved in, their likelihood to escape poverty, their ability to think critically and have open-minded conversations and actually just cooperate with other people in society.

4:07When the literacy starts declining, all of these other things start declining. So it's not talked about a lot, but literacy really is at the foundation of everything we do in modern society. And when that starts to crumble because of modern entertainment, mostly what's going on with our phones, and you'd think that would increase our literacy levels because people are technically reading more than ever online, then I start to seriously worry about people's ability to simply just relate to each other and feel empathy towards one another and see other humans as fellow humans and to the point where we can actually solve the problems that are plaguing the modern world right now.

5:00Yeah. Do you think this is something which is getting worse? Or has this always been pretty terrible for a while? The data shows that it has been getting worse. Most of the data does come from these reading and mathematics standardized tests. And you can make a lot of arguments for why these might not be the best at judging whether someone has a high intellectual capability. but they come from usually younger people. And I mean, obviously younger people are the future. And when we see those scores at a decline, a declining trend, then it suggests that it's, it might continue. And especially if these things that I brought up about the modern world, if they continue to dominate our lives, And now with the involvement, the introduction of chatbots and LLMs, it would be hard to say that it's not going to get worse.

6:14Yeah. Yeah. Is this something which is noticeably an issue for the USA or is it worldwide? I think everything, most issues in the world are exacerbated in the USA due to our culture and us wanting to be the best. And when we want to be the best, we want to, we tend to focus on the things that generate the most income only and not necessarily the integrity or the morals behind them. And so when you have a society like that, I think naturally, I think, you know, all of the general problems of the world mostly are exacerbated in America. But also it could be that because America, you know, everybody talks about it and there's so many genuinely interested people here, we might just be collecting more data than most countries.

7:20I'm not entirely sure. but I would have to say it's probably a mix of both. Yeah. It's funny you say that because one thing I noticed every time I go to America or I speak to Americans, they do have this almost infectious, like entrepreneurial hustle culture where it is very much about, okay, let's do business. Let's make money. What's the profit margin, all of this. And that's cool and everything, but it does get to the point where it's like, okay, when does it end like how much money is enough money and i see this with a lot of people who have become successful and then it's just like they're already on to the next hundred million or they want to reach a billion it's like okay like is is there nothing else important to you in life and as you mentioned and this is something which i've i've spoken to a few people about this before it's the the methodology as to how they're getting their money like the the ethics involved with how they've, they are earning.

8:17And it seems to me as though fewer and fewer people seem to care about how they're making the money. They just, they just want money by any means necessary. And that for me is quite concerning. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, I always come back to incentives. When a society incentivizes you to act a certain way, when it gives you what you want, what most young people want, which is usually financial stability when you're young. I mean, this is what people tell you to achieve over everything else first. And the modern world pushes you to think that way. And it's not illogical to think that way at all. but when you do think this way you are simply thinking about how can i get there as fast as possible and what what am i consuming right now considering the people who are the most wealthy like what are they doing what are they promoting how are they conducting their lives and the models of that in modern society are pretty fucking bad in my opinion.

9:37A lot of the most famous influencers and stuff, they don't really care about the integrity or the morals. They'll promote whatever as long as it makes them a bunch of money. I mean, we saw this with crypto when it was super popular with the NFTs and people losing thousands and thousands of dollars because they just trusted these influencers. So when people see like oh, everybody else is doing this. The most famous wealthy people, they don't really give a shit about promoting something that actually positively impacts people's lives. Of course, young people are going to then think, well, why wouldn't I do this too?

10:20So if we create a society that incentivizes people to abandon their morals, and we don't the incentives for being someone with integrity comes with less advantages and less of the outcome that you want out of life most people want well then it makes sense that more people would gravitate towards promoting bullshit towards uh you know just being a genuinely not as a great person. Yeah, I think there was probably a point in time, I feel like it was a couple of years ago where it peaked, where you had, I mean, people call them scammers. I don't know if they were all scammers because I mean, at the end of the day, a lot of the core sellers, as it were, there was value in the courses, but probably not as much value as you had hoped there would be after paying thousands of dollars and maybe you're not getting as much attention or coaching or one-to-one coaching that you'd expected to get but i think it has been interesting to see how things have turned out a couple years later particularly now where a lot of them are now getting exposed where the truth is coming out of what it is that they've done there have been people who have come forward who have obviously been part of the course or of signed up for something and they haven't received the thing that they were promised to get and i think this people are still there's still people out there who are kind of falling for it a little bit but i feel like largely that era when it was at its peak has passed a little bit and i think those influencers won't be naming names um it has been quite damaging for their reputation for sure and i think for me like the most important thing for me is the reputation you have and when you lose your reputation like it's very very hard to get it back because those people are always going to remember that thing that you did and it's a stain that you just cannot remove so like from my experience of being kind of very much i don't know on the scene of social media for the past 10 years there's been many opportunities that have come my way and i've said no because of the either i don't i'm not comfortable with it or i feel as though for sure at some point this is going to come to bite me in the ass and um i'm glad i've kind of stuck to my guns because in reality it's kind of like the delayed gratification you say no to these shiny objects and potentially profitable things that could yeah make you a lot of money in the short run but later down the line it's going to be damaging for the brand and the reputation and then you know you're fucked in many ways yeah you know i'm interested to ask you this because the infamous what color is your bugatti clip comes from one of your vlogs is that right yeah yeah so did that impact your brand in any negative way?

13:29Like, do people think of you as being connected to Andrew Tate? To begin with, yes. But I think looking back at it, that was probably a good thing. Because this was before any of the negativity. I mean, of course, he'd said some bad things. But this is before he'd gone to jail and before any of the accusations were made against him. So I just look like an innocent guy who's doing a collaboration with an entertaining person. So when all of this comes out, which is, I can't remember when exactly it comes out, like months later or a year later, people are aware that I've done something with him, but they know that I've made that choice before I've been made aware of these new accusations.

14:18Now, where the issue had come was when I think I did, the fourth person on my podcast was Tristan. so he was i think i was the first person to interview him and that one did like crazy numbers but very shortly after that i think a month or so afterwards they got arrested and then a lot of people started dming me commenting on the video saying like oh so nice of you to platform human traffickers and i was just like oh here we go so um at that point in time it was a little bit concerning but it wasn't it wasn't too bad because i was i was aware of the situation and then after that i was kind of be careful to not kind of get too close you know what i mean because there was a lot of people who had done stuff with him in the past and they were constantly continuing to collaborate or do things or um push whatever it was that they were pushing so yeah I think it was funny because that video ended up racking up 10 million views and I think I got like almost 80 ,000 nearly 100 ,000 subscribers from that so for me it opened up a huge new audience a lot of people who didn't know who I was now they knew who I was because they'd seen the video.

15:38So a plus, but then also a potential con. And the same thing with the podcast. Like I'm very much open to interviewing all sorts of people because I'm kind of curious about what it is that they do and why they think the way that they think. But sometimes it can bite me in the ass if they then go and do something stupid afterwards, or they go to jail, or they go and do this thing and then because i have hosted them i then am associated with them and what they've done in the past right but generally i think it's it's been okay yeah especially if none of those things happened uh before you recorded with them and anybody who's trying to tie their actions to you i mean they're not they don't really know understand how to separate you from those people um yeah it's just that that naturally happens i always find it very funny as well like the amount of in my eyes i'm thinking i'm i'm just trying to find positive role models people who are doing a good job at spreading a good message so i will try to find those people to collaborate with and just either help to spread awareness about their message or even them as an individual but then every now and then i might speak to a bad egg who's a bit of a controversial figure and then everybody's like oh my god like how would you how dare you have that person on your podcast it's like hang on what have you not seen the previous 30 guests that I've had on like this is just the the one controversial person who has probably quite a lot of opinions that you don't agree with and then all of a sudden like I'm the bad guy so that's sometimes it's annoying but I think it's just it's inevitable I think particularly when the more of a following that you you get you know I imagine you know people like Stephen Bartlett who's got I don't know what is it now like number two podcasts in the world like i don't think he has this evil agenda with it i think he's generally trying to spread a good message yet still you know because he's had some guests on that have said certain things like people just want to attack him for right yeah have you experienced that with any of the content that you've made um i haven't really met up with anybody super controversial um but i've i mean i've certainly said things that people interpret uh a way that i didn't mean for it to be interpreted and that kind of gets them to like unsubscribe or be angry in the comments and that is yeah that's something you just have to understand with the internet is like everybody's viewing your content through how they've experienced life so far and because of that if you say something they might relate it to something else completely unrelated to what you meant and then they get really angry in the comments and no matter how much you clarify it they still are they just won't listen that's just the way it is sometimes but i've also said things that like i i don't even agree with anymore uh in my past probably probably a few years ago i've said things where if i look back on them i'd be like that was pretty fucking stupid but other than that i haven't really had to deal with uh like controversy being associated with people yeah yeah yeah i think it's just one of those things which i've learned as i've got older i mean this is the blessing that i feel like i've had because before the age of 26 you can't really find a whole lot about me on the internet there's instagram pictures facebook pictures that's it so fortunately all of the stupid things which i would would have 100 said in my late teens and early 20s that was never documented so thankfully i came onto the scene of social media at the age of 26 27 onwards where i feel like okay i have an idea of what should be said and what should not be said even with this podcast i procrastinated years until i actually started it because i felt like time isn't quite right yet like I need to just grow up a little bit more and see the world a little bit more and then I felt like okay yeah now now I'm ready to so I kind of feel um I'm trying to imagine myself which people ask me all the time like oh what would you do if you were 18 years old and you had to go back to like starting from scratch I think it's it's it's pretty hard being a a teenage content creator because you're gonna you're gonna fuck up and you're gonna you're gonna mess up and it's gonna be there on the internet probably forever and i've seen like lots of young creators have done this and it's quite hard to avoid these days because we all make mistakes um more so if we're younger but the problem is that it's all documented now.

21:13Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's a great quote from the Social Network movie by, well, directed by David Fincher. And one of the characters says, the internet isn't written in pencil, it's written in ink. And I think a lot of young people forget that or just don't think about it when they post things. Because I've seen things when I'm scrolling through Instagram Reels or TikTok where I'm like, you know you got a digital footprint, right? this is going to affect your your college admissions so it's pretty crazy um i i'm i'm quite glad that i'm old enough to have experienced what technology was like before social media dominated our lives yeah do you think there was a sweet spot like a year or an era where like social media was there but it was it was a good thing before it's kind of turned into what it is today.

22:14For sure, yeah. Before all these social media companies hired psychologists and did billions of dollars worth of research to make the platforms as addicting as possible, social media was pretty cool. Instagram was just posting pictures and commenting on your friends' posts and whatnot. Twitter was essentially the same, but I feel like people were just milder and chiller there because being an influencer wasn't really a thing and therefore people weren't chasing engagement as hard as they are now and so it was much less polarizing and much less just bullshit like Twitter now is in my opinion um and then we I mean I'm sure you remember that the main social media platform was Facebook for teenagers around my age.

23:12Well, I'm 29 now, but when I was a teenager, we made Facebook events for parties and whatnot. And Facebook was cool back then too. It's like none of the platforms felt like I want to spend my life on here. I need to escape my life to be on here. It was more so just like, oh, this is this cool new thing. it doesn't feel exploitative it doesn't feel that addictive it's just enhancing it's it's the perfect extension to reality it doesn't feel like it's now a part of reality i guess yeah yeah it's so funny especially recently i don't know if it's just because of the the my algorithm or if it's the type of people that I'm following, even though there's, I'm getting shown a lot of stuff that I'm not signing up to, but there was obviously the Monaco Grand Prix at the weekend.

24:10And that was just like the epitome of what life has become where everybody goes there. Nobody's really having a good time. Nobody really cares about the F1 or the racing. everybody just wants to be in the place to show the world that they're in the place they're in the place where it's hard to be like look at me look look how good my life is look at me i'm on a yacht but then you see the videos of people on the yachts and like nobody's having fun everyone's just like this is this weird fake social setting where it's literally all for social media yeah and i just think to myself wow what the like what is going on yeah yeah i get those moments a lot scrolling yeah do you have a uh a relationship with social media where you you allow yourself to go on it but you you kind of cap it or do you just i i i think these days i I don't even feel a really strong pull towards scrolling for hours at a time because I've built a life in which I don't feel like I need to escape from it all the time.

25:28And we get into like social media addiction here. I think a lot of addictions, I mean, drugs would especially come with physical addictions and withdrawals. But in terms of these psychological addictions, a lot of it is like if you fix the things in your life you're trying to escape from, you will naturally find that you don't want to use social media that much as a byproduct because nobody feels good scrolling for two hours on TikTok or Instagram Reels or wherever. You don't come out of that session being like, wow, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle my issues in real life. you only feel like you need to do that if you are absolutely exhausted and you want to you want to do the least common denominator of effort type of thing and you want this thing that makes you completely forget about your problems if you were to actually fix and address the problems that trigger you that lead you to want to start scrolling you wouldn't have to download all these these blocker apps uh even though i do use them sometimes because it is really hard to not just pick up my phone like picking up the phone is the problem like that's the the addiction i'm i should probably try to get better at at tackling now um but yeah i think if people were to fix whatever triggers them to to think i need to scroll right now then they wouldn't feel that urge basically at all and so I think I have a pretty healthy relationship with social media at this point where I've got I've built this life that's so fulfilling outside of social media that I don't know I'm on my phone doing just things that are usually associated with addictive social media for like I don't know maybe an hour a day and the excuse that I make is I have to stay tapped in for my job.

27:37I got to know what Gen Z is talking about. I got to know the new slang, the new trends. And that actually does kind of pay off for what I talk about. So it's really just an excuse, but that's what I would say about social media addiction. And if you feel like you can't stop scrolling. So you think it's not necessarily down to boredom but more so escapism because they're not truly happy with their life at that point in time a lot of people cannot just sit with boredom in the modern world it's so uncomfortable to sit with yourself if you don't enjoy your life and your own company it's like you want to escape your own company and we've been given the tools to do that and do so in such a way that But it kind of convinces you you're getting this pleasure and this entertainment that you want, but it never truly fulfills you or satiates you after you're done with it.

28:44So, yeah, I do think I think most people scroll for hours on end, not just because, oh, there's nothing to do. Like there's there's plenty of things to do. Like there's there's so much to discover in life. There's so many hobbies to get involved in. there's so many better things you could be doing with your time even just sitting alone in a room doing nothing would be better because you discover things about yourself that maybe you've previously had hunches about but you decided to suppress them through some form of escapism like social media Yeah. So I don't think that boredom is usually the problem.

29:28It's that your life has things you need to address and there's something within you that you can't fully accept that you might be trying to run from. Yeah, that's what I would say. Yeah, I would agree. It's funny you say that because I feel like there was a turning point in my life where I was forced to spend almost more time alone than I'd ever had to face before. And this is when I relocated. I moved from Newcastle to London. I'd constantly been living in accommodation with other people, like friends, ever since I was a student. And then the moment I'd moved into this new place by myself, there was this uncomfortable feeling of loneliness because all of a sudden there was just nobody in the house.

30:19But then it forced me to think and reflect more than I'd ever thought and reflected before. And there was no interruption. It was just like, wow, okay, I can have some peace here and I can think about my life and I can decide which direction I want to take it. And that was the moment for me when my career took off because I was just completely focused on doing that thing. There was no distractions and I was just able to think clearly. So you're right. I think having that ability to be by yourself, not only is going to be great for your career, most likely for your creativity, for reflection, but also relationships as well.

31:00I think so many people are still stuck in these relationships, not even happy about being in because they're just afraid of being alone. Like I guarantee if those people were actually comfortable with being single or being comfortable by themselves they'd be like oh i actually don't even really need to be in this relationship because they're not doing anything for me i'd be better off either with someone else or just taking a period of time being single yeah yeah it's uh it's definitely always better to to be in be alone than be in a relationship simply to avoid being alone. But at the same time though, it can be, I noticed this as well because I've never been in that situation before.

31:49It can be difficult because all of a sudden, because you are spending more extended periods of time by yourself, you then start to feel the effects of loneliness where you're not actually socializing with people as much. And even though at that point in time, I was doing a lot of virtual, I don't know if it was socializing, but I had a lot of online clients at the time. So I was speaking to people, but apart from that, there was very few human interactions and that used to, that definitely had an effect on me. Um, and as something that, I mean, obviously I fixed that issue, but it wasn't nobody who told me this is something you need to avoid doing.

32:28You can't just go and isolate yourself and just get completely obsessed with being productive and working on your business. of course there'll be chapters in your life where you do need to probably spend more time by yourself and just get your head down but you shouldn't be doing that for extended periods of time like you need to have like a there needs to be a balance in there somewhere and that's what i've done now especially since i relocated to divide places where i've chosen to live like i live by myself but i live in areas where there's lots of people around me so if there's a moment of time where i'm like okay i haven't even left my apartment or spoken to anyone today let me just go and walk around and be amongst some people and have some actual human interaction because otherwise I'm just going to start to feel really weird soon.

33:11Yeah it's actually you know this is it's really interesting I have been doing research for a video that's coming out next weekend about male friendships and how they've evolved over the years and why men kind of suck at making and keeping friends and being close with their friends in the modern world. And one of the resources by Derek Thompson, who's a, well, I don't know what he does outside of Substack, but he makes really good Substack articles. And his whole idea, his hypothesis is that because of modern forms of entertainment, we're able to numb our feelings of loneliness to the point where we don't even realize we're lonely, because we don't realize we're lonely and we're not sitting with ourselves alone truly at any point in the day, we're always consuming and keeping ourselves stimulated, then we don't feel the natural inherent biological urge to go and make more friends.

34:16And the reason that whole hypothesis started was because it's actually found that And, you know, people say there's like a male loneliness epidemic, but younger women, on average, tend to feel lonelier and more depressed than younger men, if you actually look at the data. And it's not necessarily that men aren't as lonely. It's that, like I just said, we just are really bad at discussing our problems with other men. And so we tend to just completely numb our ability to even feel that we are lonely. And because of that, we don't reach out to our friends as much or try to do what you're saying, which is going out and just being like, you know, at some point you feel like, you know, this isn't good for me.

35:15I feel like I need to go out and interact with people. it's like a lot of young men can't even get to the point where they understand that that's how they should be feeling because they're numbing themselves so much with stimulation yeah yeah it's for me i've come to realize how important it is now and there's been phases in my life you know where you get in a relationship and usually when you're in a relationship you spend a lot more time with your partner like you're doing pretty much not necessarily everything together but when you think about the amount of time that you put into your work usually any free time after that is spent with your partner and then that usually means you have to sacrifice quite a lot of time with your boys and i've like i've done it before i've been guilty of doing it and you also see other people do like my my friendship group guys are doing the same thing where they get into relationships and it's just like oh well he's lost for now you know he'll come back once it's no yeah absolutely but yeah like i feel honestly the best when i've had a good catch-up with some of my friends um particularly even on saturday one of my best friends came to dubai he's staying here for a month and i hadn't seen him for probably about two or three months and we're just spending the day together with a couple of the guys as well and honestly it just felt like it's almost like the feeling i get when i go to the gym when i walk out the gym i feel really good like really satisfied and just happy i got that from spending time with my friends and i think one of the issues that happens especially as you get older and particularly if you do have a friendship group who are pretty similar they're they're like-minded they have their own stuff going on they're ambitious they're working it becomes increasingly harder to actually get everybody together like you might be able to get like a bit of their title okay there's one of them who's free let's do something but to get the group together way harder than it used to be like in early like teens early 20s it's a lot harder so i've found there's there's either people in the group who are really good at organizing and if they're out of the picture for whatever reason if they're traveling then i'm like oh shit i need to be the guy that's doing the organizing because otherwise nobody's going to do anything.

37:33Yeah, it's always good to have, I mean, I have this one friend who has connected me to almost every new mutual friend that I now have. And he's just got that natural ability to be like, hey, we all need to do something. Here's the location. Here's the people that are coming. And I've actually, I remember doing research somewhere I think it was the book Bowling Alone I'm blanking on his last name but Robert something but this is a very famous book because it's where the the idea of third places was coined but he said that there are two types of people which are called like mockers and schmoozers and mockers are the people who conduct the friend group meeting.

38:31And schmoozers are the ones that just show up. And apparently in the modern world, there's less mockers than there used to be, I don't know, let's say a few decades ago. And I don't know if it was supported by like actual statistics, but it's interesting to think about. And why that would... Yeah, exactly. That's what I was going to say. Like I actually don't. Why would there be less? i i would have to assume i don't know it has something to do with with upbringing that influences you to become the type of person to create more events and maybe it's just because uh maybe it's just because we're we're all more busy now so there's generally just less people who feel like they can even do that not sure yeah i yeah it's but it's it's that's definitely something that should be talked about more is there any has been any data that's come out saying like what is the sweet spot of how many hours per week you should spend with your friends um there hasn't but what i read recently i believe that the difference between having no close friends and just one close friend is almost nothing in terms of the well-being benefits you need to have i believe it's like at least four close friends these are people who you can consistently meet up with and talk about personal problems with uh in order to get the effects that are very they've been um clearly demonstrated in in tons of different studies for example like the the 90-year harvard study which was on basically what makes a good life and they found that at the end of their lives these people the quality of their life was not dependent on their wealth or their status or how far they got in their career but the quality of their relationships like that is actually the most important thing to having a good life which is why we hear so much about like there being serious mortality risks to being lonely so So I believe, and I don't know how you would even like clearly define a close friend to everyone.

41:02Like I said, they said it was like having people you can talk about personal problems with, but even then it feels a little murky. But if we're going off of that, the research shows you need at least, I would say like four close friends or above. and uh yeah for for men and women those numbers have been declining for quite a while now yeah i guess the problem is you could have a close friend but they they might not be the type of person who gives the best advice like they yeah like i've got some close friends who i think it's great for me to unload like i have one in particular who i will he probably knows more about me than anybody else knows um on this planet and i i just share everything with him because it's if i feel if something funny has happened or some ridiculous scenario has taken place i will tell him because i'm like i need to tell somebody about this and i trusted him and he obviously didn't tell anybody else but it feels nice to actually be able to talk about it but i know he's not the type of person to give the most solid advice in that particular situation but it feels good to unload and i say this to to a couple other people who are feeling if they're kind of lost or they're they're feeling down i mean even if you don't have a group of friends who are going to give you the best advice with those issues that you're going through maybe they're i mean they have absolutely no experience of what it is that you're currently experiencing at the very least sometimes it can be nice just uh to just dump it on someone else for it yeah no definitely there's a ton of benefits to that just drama dumping to someone who's actually willing to listen even if they can't give you any sort of advice yeah yeah alright guys quick pause here I've got a question for you are you in shape?

42:59are you not in shape? is there work to do? most likely if so I have the tool for you which is going to help you out massively it's the thirst app this is something which I personally use myself when it comes to my training and my nutrition I have all the programs in there which I use on a regular basis and for those who are just looking to lose a bit of body fat the same thing goes for women as well a lot of people don't realize that I used to coach for a large chunk of my life so all of my coaching experience has been put inside of this app I want you to learn as much as possible about how to get yourself in shape there's exclusive videos in there telling you how to do it how to execute exercises properly the foods which I eat and a newly added nutrition section where you can track your meals and your daily macros.

43:44It is pretty much this pocket-sized version of myself, which I'm going to carry around with you all day, every day. So if there's something which might interest you, which it definitely will do, I highly suggest you check out the link in the description, head over to the Thirst app, get it downloaded. You will not regret it. Let's crack on with the episode. um i was wondering so imagine there's probably quite a few people who are listening who they're looking to improve their friendship group either they don't really have any close friends or the friends which they currently have are maybe not the type of people they want to be hanging around with anymore because they're going down one path and their friendship group are staying stagnant or going down the wrong path have you got any advice for those guys or girls who are looking to meet new people and the right type of people.

44:36Yeah, that's a tough transitionary period when you're becoming someone new and it feels like the friends you once had, they don't really want to go down that same path or they're just growing at a different pace. I would say to those people, the easiest way is just to find a group who shares one interest with you. And one of the best websites for this is called meetup.com. If you live in a big city area, I'm sure you can find a group where people are doing a thing that you enjoy doing. And it cuts out all of the, the awkward, just going up to people randomly, which is really fun. Honestly, it's, it's, it's very exciting because of how nerve wracking it is to just go up to strangers and say what's up.

45:32But it's definitely easier to just find some sort of group on like meetup. I'm trying to think of other websites, but I'm not sure if you honestly, if you just searched groups that are doing X activity that you're interested on Google, you might even be able to find some in your area, just add your city or wherever you live at the end of that. And when you do that, I mean, you already have something to talk about with those people. Now, if the activity doesn't allow you to get into discussions, then it might be a bit of a problem. You would probably have to like go up to somebody after that activity and be like, hey, you know, it was good talking to you, man.

46:15I mean, do you want to hang out, grab a coffee or something another day outside of this group and um i doubt there's going to be many people who say no to that if you guys are already interested in the same things yeah uh so yeah i mean doing group activities finding those groups with similar interests is i can't think of a better way as an adult to to to find people you might mesh with yeah i think that the same thing applies to dating as well like people would ask me where do you find like good quality girls they usually say this when it comes to dubai like oh well i heard there's no good girls in dubai and i'm like look there is a lot of good girls in dubai you just look in the wrong places so like just go go do some wholesome activities probably going to be better if you do things which are slightly earlier on in the day because you know those girls haven't been out partying and um you know it just helps like for me in particular like I'm very much into my health fitness been going to the gym for 18 years so you know shockingly uh it's going to be the case that I will probably get along with a girl if she also likes to go to the gym and takes care of herself so I go and do the things which there's loads of things going on here which are relating around health wellness being active run clubs gym even though the gym can be at least the way I train it's more of a more of a solo thing but I do have training partners from time to time but you know now you've got the you know the rise of the not so much cross anymore but the high rocks so the big group classes that's an amazing way to meet people and you know from my experience and I have had experience of meeting women both in person and online on dating apps I feel like that it's always better just meeting them in person there's just like it's just just feels like a more of a natural interaction there can be a lot of time wasted on dating apps just talking backwards and forwards and then nothing really happening oh my god dude don't even get me started man i'm so happy i don't have to deal with that anymore uh it is it's very nice being being married and being off all the dating apps and just man it's such a huge time investment to to even get to the point where you go on the first date especially with dating apps yeah how long how long you've been married now um little over a year nice congratulations good stuff thank you appreciate it how did you how did you meet her i actually met her through a dating app i i met her through hinge yeah oh nice so yeah so it does work sometimes good stuff um have you have you spoken to many people who are experts in in relationships because i noticed now especially on social media there's there's a lot of people giving out relationship advice now and some of it i mean you've got like two groups of people you've got the group of people who are genuinely giving good advice who are already in relationships and they're trying to encourage people to be in wholesome good relationships and not to cheat to get married to have kids which is great and then you've got like the other group of people who are literally just putting men and women against each other you got the women who are saying how bad the men are then you got the men who are saying how bad the women are and then dating's dead and you shouldn't trust anybody and you should be single what's your thoughts on that yeah man uh i would say most content is only exacerbating what's happening with the the dating scene right now um we have a lot of people who have no real like formal relationship experience other than maybe like a few month fling they had with the girl and then they decided to base their entire ideology about dating off of uh who are just giving a lot of young dudes really awful advice that's basically just a projection of their own insecurities uh i don't know if you've seen angelo i think that is his name he's a young guy who was on chris williamson's podcast and he makes really incredible youtube videos i think he's he's very well spoken and very smart for his age and you know he talks about dating coaches just projecting shitty dating advice onto their viewers and they they don't really have any experience with this stuff and as soon as they they have this negative experience they think i need to talk about this online rather than I should really reflect on this and heal and maybe see if this is the way that relationships really are supposed to be.

51:40So it's very scary. I mean, a lot of people talk about banned podcast equipment because dudes are just saying whatever online. And it's hard to tell who's a reputable person in this field that they're talking about. and young people's minds are very malleable and they might base their entire worldview and their beliefs based on this guy that or this girl that they look up to online who they have developed a deep sense of trust with it's like this person could do no wrong of course they know how relationships actually work i mean they they're so successful and they talk to girls or they talk to guys all the time like how would they not know so it's definitely an issue yeah i think for most people i think especially guys it's just gonna be very confusing and it's probably gonna suck for your late teens and probably for a large chunk of your 20s i don't think that i necessarily struggled but i definitely did probably everything wrong that you could do wrong and um it left me for sure like quite resentful at times but instead of me being mad at the other person I just reflected upon me hang on a second what what have I done to get this outcome and I'd realized that my approach to certain situations or certain relationships just wasn't the way to do it and that's not how you know they're not going to respond positively to being like that and I think that the harsh thing for a lot guys is sometimes when you when you like someone so much and you're you're just so into them you can get almost not necessarily obsessed because that is extreme but you just you're too available you make them a priority you put them on a pedestal and when almost like they they can sense that you're so into them it almost for i mean hopefully if it's the right person, then they're going to love that.