28 Petes Later

0:01You want your five star matches? Your 90 minute classics? I want big meaty men slapping meat. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's Thursday 8th of January. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm Luke Moore. And I'm David Cartlidge. Yeah, you are.

0:21Whoa,

0:25it's the Football Ramble, Luke-y-mo. Big men, big meaty men slapping meat. Big meaty men slapping meat. Yeah. That's what I saw. that your Google search history that's what I saw last night at St. Jesus Park goodness yeah it's Kenny McLean's birthday is it many happy returns Kenny many happy returns to you Kenny if you're listening would you like to wish Kenny McLean a happy birthday David yeah yeah happy birthday Kenny there we go so the evening started last night with news that club legend Newcastle United club legend Kevin Keegan has been diagnosed with cancer and is starting some treatment for it and I think I think I speak to everyone here at the Ramble when we wish King Kev all the very best for a full and the Messiah just the man we're such a big fan here at the Football Ramble anyone who's listened to any of our put over the last 17 years and Ucassi United they kind of did their part in tribute to the great man what kind of game would Keegan like there we go that just needed how over the advertising board I know that would be brilliant that would be so good yeah a 4-3 Premier League classic on Sky Sports cricket as I live and breathe that Newcastle were on the right side of yes for once it only took 30 years Well done, yeah.

1:31Yeah, I love that Sky Sports have patented themselves into a massive corner with this stuff. I caught a bit of the football scheduling over the... Spurs on tennis. Yeah, yeah. Over the Christmas period, I flicked on the telly, like true story, and Kelly Cates, bless her, who was, she was in the middle of explaining this and she was going, so, right, Manchester United will be on Sky Sports tennis. Arsenal versus so-and-so is on Sky Sports darts. It's like, you've named them all over different sports. You've named them all over different sports. They used to be one, two, three and four. We all knew where we were with it.

1:58Silly billies. So, I mean, I'll basically describe what happened functionally, administratively. Leeds went ahead with an Aronson goal in the 32nd minute. Barnes equalised. Then DCL got one just before the breakthrough penalty. Joel Linton put them ahead with a great header. Aronson was back for another on the 79th minute. Bruno scored a pen in the 91st minute at draw level. Lengthy stoppages after Fabian Schaar looks like he's broken his ankle or done some kind of ACL injury. 10 minutes of general chaos in the Leeds 13-yard box. And Barnes pops up with a beautiful turn and win. in the 102nd minute which the goalkeeper absolutely should have saved I know latest goal on Premier League Red God as well is it yeah yeah apparently it is that's absolutely wild it has to be though because there's so much injury time I mean it was David it was atrocious from both sides but I could have watched a week of that oh yeah it was a mess it was a mess it should have been on Sky Sports NBA like Eddie Howe said it was a basketball game I think it was how Farquhar said yeah it was Farquhar said so yeah it was absolutely madness but so what it was brilliant we don't get enough of those games it was a proper throwback I think particularly the last 10-15 minutes were especially just end to end it was incredible I think both sides could have won it honestly at that point but tell you what for Barnes to finish in that manner considering it sounded like it was absolutely rocking last night as well the atmosphere looked amazing on those nights I mean I've been there for a Champions League game it's mad it's nothing like it did a naughty knee slide as well dipped out of it at the same time yeah I mean Harvey Barnes I don't really know why he's not been starting more football matches.

3:30He is a meat and potatoes wide player. He's not particularly flashy. He just gets on with it. He's probably the best finisher at Newcastle United, Luke. Is he? Yeah, well, I'm asking you if you've seen him. I certainly agree with that sentiment. I think you're talking about anything else, Alfred, and talking about Bruno Gimouretti's good game. He was quite poor at times. He was quite poor. But excellent pass. Excellent pass for Joel. Like outside of the boot. because he was specifically his passing you were annoyed with wasn't it yeah his passing was poor last night yeah it was he invites pressure Pete will never back down Leeds had a couple of chances because Bruno lost the ball that's what he does tempt him out of his crease with a Bruno Gimres point on a good length and he's swinging away for the window there was a lot of relief as well as vigour in those fist pumps at the end exactly he did a whole laugh at the St.

4:21James's pitch at the end of Cerbera and it was like that's a relieved man there I also felt like it was going to So I, unfortunately, I should admit this now, because the first stage to solving a problem is admitting that you've got a problem. I actually watched May United against Burnley last night. You still saw some goals, though. That's all right, isn't it? Yeah, we'll come on to that. It was fine. It was plenty of joy. But when you see stuff flashing up on the score updates, you're thinking, should I change over? Should I change over? But I feel like... This is not first on the running order.

4:47It has to be said. But if I change over, I feel like it's going to kill that game. And I'm going to start missing stuff on this game. You start second-guessing yourself. But I kind of should have known better, because I knew that it was a special game. As soon as I scored at Brendan Aronson, which is scoring goal. He's taken time off from just huffing and puffing everywhere. He's actually scoring goals. He's playing really well at the moment. This Leeds revival. He's all action. Yeah, this Leeds revival, he's very much been the centre of, along with DCL, obviously, who goal and assist again. It's just remarkable what he's doing.

5:17If Marcus Bellows are you, who would be sitting playing? He would. Yeah, well, he says a share to the hospital, so there's that as well. so two good one bad got to take responsibility for that Cher hit the woodwork as well at one point he did yeah it was pretty it was pretty full on I would say I think Newcastle had a goal that's allowed honestly I can't I think we had a goal but I can't really remember because there was so much other stuff going on and Tiao was hooked as well at half time he had a really bad game which is out of the ordinary because he's been first class for Newcastle Tiao's been player of the season yeah absolutely so that was a bit out of the ordinary for him so he went off so he's going to have to step up if this Shire injury is pretty lengthy.

5:54Mate, Lewis Miley finished a game at centre-back. What are you worried about? Incredible. Lewis Miley, the skeleton key of football. How many positions has he played now? Is he the new Warren Barton? He's Steve Watson. Yeah, Steve Watson. Sorry, that was it. Wild. And Fabian Schal, the thing about Fabian Schal, he looks so good that you don't realise that he's basically a man in his mid-30s now. Well, his salt and pepper hair is helping there, I think, but he's 34. And if you get an ACL at this point in time, you do sort of worry about it. You're diagnosing an ACL, are you? I'm diagnosing an ACL.

6:24As soon as you went down, he was like, I'm done, bye, goodbye, thanks. But that could just be anything. It could be anything. It could be anything. I am not a doctor, much less a footballer. It's unlike you two nipped to the most pessimistic possible angle picture. I know, right? Sell him. Sell him. Because you two are on the show today, we should acknowledge that they've, Newcastle have now leapfrogged Sunderland. Probably for the first time this season, right? Probably for the first time this season. Indeed. So normal services resumed. we are minding the gap now which is the thing we regularly see out of them so yeah fair play that does seem like a strange situation to be in because Newcastle have been pretty turgid most of the season they've shown flashes a half against Chelsea here and they played okay I think against Burnley but this one was just it was just fun you've got to judge it on its merits really you can't really be too critical that's three wins in a row for them as well now Newcastle so it starts to be it starts to look a little bit like a platform because the league I mean listen Mark Gaye's post-match comments yesterday did you see those?

7:25he got the man in the match award in the Palace Villa game and he said oh the league is so hard this year I was like really? read the fucking room up because because Newcastle are now two points off fourth yes right and all I've heard from you all season so far is how shit they are so fourth place is very much up for grabs you've got a bit of a gap you might you might feel like Villa might drop away maybe maybe that's harsh on them I don't know but maybe they do right and obviously depending on what happens tonight could be an astonishingly good week for Arsenal but it feels like even if the top three break away that fourth position is still up for grabs because who are the candidates?

7:59Well Liverpool can't be relied upon Brentford mad they're even up there Newcastle you've already talked about Man Utd again Chelsea inconsistent Fulham are they really going to get fourth? It's a big opportunity there It's good it makes it exciting Newcastle's got a hell of a run coming up though fixtures though haven't they? I think there's some really tough games coming up Yeah They do got Man City next Yeah yeah and the schedule gets packed again through with it PSG in there as well Yeah, there's some tough games and I think that'll be a big test, especially if these injuries are going to kick in as well.

8:24That's what I said about Harvey Barnes. He's not been used quite as much because how he's been quite loyal to Gordon. But he was really, I think he had 20 minutes against Sunderland, 20 minutes against Manchester United and they've been their worst performances this season. I think he needs to sort of go back to basics a little bit. How we just sort of go, look, let's just play the players who just seem to get me with results. He played Gordon on the other flank last night, didn't he? Yeah, he did, yeah. The players in form, the players who are playing well. because I mean I don't know what you think about it but a lot of my Newcastle mates they all just said Howe's far too loyal to certain characters he said there's three or four who have been good for him over the past few years who are now out of form but he's stuck by them and fair play if you want to keep faith I understand it but there's clearly evidence there for a change right?

9:06Yeah I mean Gordon's been pretty atrocious this season but he seems to be sort of coming back into some kind of form It's tricky if you're in that position though because Newcastle are a club with masses of ambition and Eddie Howe's desperate to not be the stepping stone manager for them to a super manager who takes them into like the last stage of the Champions League, maybe even tries to win them a league title, all this kind of stuff. That's basically what their ambitions are. And Eddie Howe's never really done any of that stuff. So he's probably thinking, I need to rely on the players I need to rely upon.

9:37And if you change it and change it and change it, it can become trickier. I also, I also think that I've seen evidence certainly in the last couple of games, this game, this game was a bit of a kind of muck and bullets anything can happen type game and part of that is because the Christmas schedule in the Premier League is ridiculous I mean the very idea that you come off the back of those games you have just after Christmas you have New Year's Day games and then even before January is a week old you've got another round of games the FA Cup third round is getting later and later yeah it is it feels like it is I don't want to talk about that because Portsmouth's playing Arsenal and that's going to be fucking horrible there's going to be a bloodbath I was in Santa Rory before that's going to be like Queen Victoria's funeral in Portsmouth everyone's going to be wearing black for a week after that game.

10:20But it feels to me like the injuries pile up, the inability for managers to control situations because they're all over the place with so many different games, managing loads, players in red zones, all the rest of it, does throw up these types of games. And yeah, it's great to watch, obviously. But I remember Andy last season saying, I think head of the Club World Cup, saying that he felt like the quality in the Premier League you go to the top table of football around Europe generally, it's just poor. It's nowhere near as good as it was because there's so much football being played. Oh, definitely.

10:52I'd like it if the quality being poor gave way to more games like this rather than the quality being poor so it leads to slow turgid games. So it leads to the first group games in major tournaments when people just don't want to give anything because there's only three games and they don't want to give anything away. Yeah, exactly that. But I think it's also a bit of a halt to Leeds' momentum as well. Let's talk about them a little bit. They've been really good. first game they've lost in quite a while actually if you're going to lose it you may as well lose it like this though scoring goals yeah and Farka said he was sick didn't he so he felt like terrible that they'd come off the wrong end of that which is understandable but they've been I mean they've been actually decent in the last few weeks like you said the goalkeeper should have said I think they've got a bit of a problem there with them as well they feel like they've got a bit of like Meslier issues sort of things there with Perry so I think what do you mean by that because Meslier was seen as a bit lightweight yeah exactly that and Perry's clearly been at fault now for a few goals I think and Farker's comments after seem to suggest about him being the issue.

11:46He was happy with everybody else apart from that and I think he put it on the goalkeeper as well. Pope was lovely and flappy last night as well. That was very enjoyable. But generally speaking, yes, Leeds have absolutely turned the page. They're looking very, very good. They're eight points clear relegation now, which they would take at this stage of the season for sure, given that the chat before the season started was, well, are Leeds going to sack off Farker or not? Their signings have really come to the fore in general as well, apart from the goalkeeper. I think Goodmanson, their fullback, what a player he is.

12:16He is up and down all game and very strong lad. A little bit of organisation at corners and I think they've got a really, really good team. Helps that Calvert-Lewin's found his feet as well. That's true. And staying fit. Back of the net. Well, coming up after this, things aren't getting any easier for Thomas Frank.

12:43I had two get one free and I picked up a little Argentinian and I ended up having to take a couple of free transfers. It was one of Daniel's specials. We were trying to get a couple of players in at the top of my shopping list but they were both free transfers. You've made your name as a wheeler and dealer. There's not been much wheeling and dealing here. Fuck off. No, it didn't mean like that. No, I'm not. My name is a fucking dealer. Don't say that. I'm a fucking football man. Ha ha ha! Oh yeah. It's a lovely little montage. Would Barry Fry say that? I love it. I love it when the mask slips.

13:13Yeah. It happened with Roy Hodgson, didn't it, as well? Yeah. At one point, it was like the football uncle or grandfather of the nation and it was just like, let's not take a piss here. Oh, you might think I'm a vuncular. Yeah. Harry's also apparently offered to manage West Ham for free. Oh, has he now? Right. To which the only appropriate answer would be no thank you. I would fear there was strings attached to that offer. and you'd hear about it every week as well oh yeah by the way don't give me any criticism by the way I'm managing for free don't you know that you just know you would like Donald Trump saying he was giving his president's salary away yeah exactly well done Steve got your hand in the till elsewhere haven't you well yes on the south coast Bournemouth beat Spurs 3-2 birthday boy Antoine Semenyo I didn't mention his birthday because it was yesterday Kenny McLean got a nod Kenny McLean got a nod but Semenyo's birthday yesterday he scored the winning goal on one and Donny Iriola said it's likely his last appearance for Bournemouth which it's done pretty much isn't it it's been confirmed this morning I think he's going to be joining Manchester City after they agreed to meet 65 million pound release clause 26 years old 65 million pretty good price really these days isn't it it's a great price for a player of that quality magnitude if he can slot in there he can be a real difference maker for them because as I said it's been look it depends how it goes tonight but it's already been a pretty good week for Arsenal given that you know Aston Villa couldn't win.

14:38Man City couldn't win. Man City look like a team who need to score three goals to win and they didn't. So yeah, I mean, Semenya going in there. It's funny because they've obviously, the wheels were in motion for Semenya to go to City. I totally see why they want him. He's a great player and he could make a difference for them but it's happened at the same time when they just can't stop losing defenders to injury and you feel like maybe a Mark Gay type situation would have been perhaps a little bit more desirable for them given what's happened in recent weeks. But I mean, who knows. Yeah, completely agree.

15:07Well, this match ended Balmuth's 11 game winless run. That's what Thomas Frank do to you. That's what Thomas Frank... I mean, Thomas Frank talks, you know, talking to gamers like they're really, they're really difficult to play against. They're very difficult to beat. I mean, they're certainly not difficult to draw against. They're very best. I mean, it's a big shout from Frank. And yeah, once again, like the Spurs are just conceding the same kind of goal every time. They went into this game with an amazing away record. The problem is they just look so tepid and the vibes are all off. And it's very difficult, I think, to see Frank recovering from this thing.

15:48I completely agree. He isn't the sort of manager to bring around a bit of inspiration and turn the season around. And I saw somebody make a really good point and said, given the feeling and the toxicity of the way that Spurs' season ended and what have you in the players and the dysfunction there, they needed somebody a bit more inspirational to come in and just kind of like just wipe the slate clean start again start afresh and Frank isn't really like that Thomas Frank's a good manager in certain areas but I think inspiring that dressing room bringing about some enthusiasm isn't really his remit and you can kind of see that that they're a bit flat and like Lucas said tepid in places he's a technician I mean he's basically a fucking PE teacher yes I haven't gone that far but he is Maybe that's what he's like.

16:33I get where you're coming from. I think he's one of those kind of managers. A little bit like Ho, to be honest. We're finding it quite difficult for the three matches a week kind of thing. They kind of hit their level and they're like, this is actually a bit much. I mean, they played okay, but they just can't defend. And there's no excuse. People talk about Spurs' injury. None of them are in the back line. So there's no real excuse for Thomas Frank to be so poor. That edge of the box kind of goal that they can see time and time again. I don't know why they don't learn their lesson. It's where he's playing players as well.

17:03I don't know what he's doing there. I mean, Spence is a great example. He's having a lot of trouble playing out on that flank because of his right-footed, sorry. Yeah, because of his footedness. So he's cutting in a lot, and a lot of teams are now jumping on him and putting pressure on him. And again, he was targeted again for this sole reason. And you can see people, you know, standing there out. And yeah, just all over the place. And then you've got the fan confrontations at the end, which were really the kind of like cherry on top. That's the highlight for me. Yeah, absolutely. and like Pete said they were a bit better I thought they honestly looked a bit better but it just falls off a cliff so quickly with Spurs the heads go very easy and when you don't have the fans are always ready to go always and when you don't have that kind of manager who's that big personality you need the you know you need the Christian Romero to sort of step up a little bit more and become a ball and ball Christian Romero was probably the player who I was convinced he was going to break Semenya's neck last night on the eve of his big transfer but he was he was I don't think Christian Romero apart from the fact he's basically brain dead is someone who needs to get a stick based on what I saw last night I thought he was probably the one defensive player who kind of stepped up I suppose but there's a couple of points I'd make about Spurs one is you can't have a conversation about Spurs without talking about injuries but their injury problems have been going on for so long under so many different managers under so many different teams behind the scenes that the only possible kind of assessment to make is like it needs a full root and branch like review of what the fuck is happening because I cannot tell you I literally cannot remember when they didn't have an injury crisis of some description obviously Kudos is the latest one who's gone down a great example would be you know in May I think it was so it would have been around the last month of last season Ange Postacoglu asked about Kulusevsky and the last quote about Kulusevsky is it's just a knock nothing serious right he's not been seen since yeah that's remarkable we're in January and he's not even been seen and that's a big player as well he's Spurs' best player for a lot of the time Ben Kerr got an injury last night he'll be out for a day yeah Ben Kerr's serious problems as well and off the back of that you look at the two things they're amazing at doing Spurs is injuring players and then making really expensive players who've been good elsewhere look shit oh they're experts like Randall Kalimwani who I understand is only alone he just looks totally anonymous I've never seen a player I've seen him play in the flesh a couple times at Spurs now I've never seen someone who you know garnered transfer fees around almost 100 million euros or whatever it was look so bad yeah Javi Simmonds looks miles off it yeah Javi Simmonds looks good against a Slavia Prague in the Champions League which you'd expect other than that he looks miles off it Matthias Tell big money I know he scored last night he has been really completely non-existent if you if you think about the reputation he had at Bayern Munich, right?

19:58Yeah, exactly. I know he's 20, but I mean, there's players out there younger than 20 who are pulling up trees much more than he is. They just have this amazing ability to bring everything down to like a much lower level than it was previously. And just going back to the Thomas Frank thing, they go into that game against Bournemouth with a decent away record overall. But that is a bit more about the league and what you were saying earlier in the season about how no one's really that good. Because they went weeks without winning away and they win away and they still find themselves top of the form table.

20:25but here it's not just how they play sorry it's not just the results they don't seem to be getting it's how they play if you look at some of the statistics which back up the eye test they just look awful no ball carrier no progression no forward passes no real pattern of play attacking wise and coupled with the fact that the fans just aren't having him it's very difficult to see how Frank comes back from this and that's before you even talk around knocking about an Arsenal Cup before the game that was a start of shit I can't believe it why is there an Arsenal cup there? Well, I've got a theory which I think is other people have espoused I was saying to the guys this morning Arsenal were at Bournemouth for the last game so Arsenal probably travelled with their own staff and it's probably been left in the dressing room and Frank No, but I don't think Frank probably just didn't notice Oh yeah, of course I don't think he went I'll have the Arsenal one please Yum, yum, yum Some people are suggesting that he might have been planted some might have handed him on purpose Let's get rid of this guy I do like that That's a conspiracy theory Get him on a long lens how do we get Frank out do you know what I mean give him an Arsenal cup he's shitty set piece football right everybody can see it but it isn't getting him fired what do we do or we'll give him an Arsenal cup if Daniel Levy was still part of the club would Frank have walked sorry not walked would Frank have been fired I don't know I'm not sure would they pull the trigger on that one because the Levy stint became much different towards the end I mean Levy had a reputation for being terrible at the football stuff yeah but I don't know it's just it doesn't look like it's going to get any better.

21:53I mean, you look at the, I shared with you a graphic, an infographic of the day about attempted through balls this season. Spurs have attempted nine through balls in total all season. But nine. I mean, you made the point that, you know, goals can be scored in other ways. But that is pretty damning. But you can't produce through balls from set pieces. No. Which the entire system is based upon. Do you want to have a guess So how many Man City have attempted? Oh, quite a few. 73. 70 of them are probably jerky as well. But the thing is, Spurs have got a player, by the way, in Javi Simmons. Whatever anybody thinks of him, oh, I don't want to rate him or whatever like that, he's got an eye for a pass.

22:36He can pick a through ball. But he's not in a system or in a setup that allows him to do that. It is so, and again, I know I've mentioned set pieces a few times, but the system is so based around that and humping the ball along, hoping you get a drop-down ball and win that. That is literally it. That's all Thomas Frank's era at Spurs is amounting to right now. And also, you've got, because of the injuries they've got and because of the lack of ball carriers they have, bearing in mind, say, Bergvau, obviously, who played last night, has been absent at times as well. Xavi Simmonds has really been the only ball carrier they've got in the whole midfield.

23:14Because if you look at, say, Bentancourt, who's a yard off it and is not really a ball carrier anyway, Paulinha can't really do anything with the ball I know he scored a great goal last night but generally speaking he wins the ball brilliantly better than anyone he's an axe man but he can't do anything else and what I found was I'm not saying he's not a good player but there's a couple of points I'd make one is that he's doing what a lot of what happens to a lot of players at that type at that position he's struggling with the physicality and he's struggling with the pace of it and he's got no one around to help him basically and they don't really feel like they can afford to just chuck him in the mix for a whole season to see if he works it out because they're struggling badly and coupled with that last time I was at Spurs he started and rightly or wrongly I would say wrongly the fans were on his back they were at half time people having a beer in the concourse at half time were raging about St.

24:02Simmons fucking useless so slow can't do anything why is he playing he's got to hook him all this stuff not even to mention the fact that at the time in that game it was the it might be the Chelsea game Colin Moani started and he was like fucking Teflon nothing would stick to him so it wasn't even like he could get up to Colin Moir and he would stick to him and Simmons could kind of run off and pick up a pass and do something because he was just bouncing straight back every time so there's a load of things going on the end result to this is that Frank loses his job it's just when it's not if it's when I genuinely think he has to go I really really do you wouldn't usually sort of say that this early yeah but it's he's been at Brentford a few years you've got to give him time people want to give him time to bring his methods to Spurs and let them develop and such but it just isn't working it just isn't it different fan base as well with different expectations exactly and look there's the looming prospect of several very decent coaches being available this summer for nothing yeah contractor Marco Silva and Donia Rolla they're obviously they're going to be and Glasner's obviously going to be linked as well that's the level that they should be sort of going in yeah exactly there's three coaches but they want the Spurs job yeah I think they will I think Spurs no Spurs job it's a great job still yeah Yeah, that stadium.

25:17I just wonder whether, you know, I wonder whether they'll at least Iriola, mind you, they've been in pretty poor form, but Iriola would be looking to do more than to Spurs. Well, he won't be getting Champions League football. I just think, I think Spurs is a nice, and this is all respect to Spurs, I think if he does have designs on a top, top job, let's just say Real Madrid, for instance, one day, Iriola. I think Spurs is a nice stepping stone to that. And look, he's primed. he's a very good man to potentially lift the gloom that surrounds Spurs and that kind of tension it's like a perma tension that is there at that stadium I think and he's somebody who can do that and I think you can only do that with the brand of football that you play and he can play the right brand of football even Marco Silva's doing it as well he'll go on to Fulham and everything he played brilliantly last night and again these managers I think can get more from players all the players that you've just named yeah well look I mean we're heading into and we're almost in the middle of at the January transfer window and Paratici looks like he's out as well.

26:19Just great vibes. They're having a historically bad season. What's the reason him going there? Just want to go away from Spurs. Whoever I sign, they kill. I will go anywhere to get away from here. Florence, I mean Florence, we can't argue with that. Can't argue with that. Coming up after this, Louis van Gaal pulls his trousers down.

26:54E-Z-E-Z

27:14I don't know what you saw. Pete, that's a positive new story. That is a positive new story. You were saying to me yesterday, you're getting anxious about world events at the moment. I know. What we need is a little sign saying, you know, so many days since the UK's rabies thing. Pete did a little rant with me yesterday about where he's going to get his asthma inhaler from when the world comes to an end. Got to secure the supply lines. How are you getting on with that? I just Googled it and then thought about it. Presumably you're doing some kind of dark web purchase. Dark web what? Securing of...

27:40I don't know how long they can kind of last the old asthma inhalers. The dry powder seem to last longer, but, you know, expired drugs, it's never a good idea because they're just not as effective. Anyway. Good to know. Thanks for that. The doctor is definitely in that house. They're not going to hurt or harm you, but they're not as effective. Down in West Brompton, Fulham took on Chelsea and beat them handily 2-1. Kind of helps when you've got 10 men, David. Marker Cucuria didn't really need of ARing, really. Pleasing to see him get sent off. It was a textbook Irish whip, Luke. it was it was even I thought that was a red card so there you go I know rough and tough DC over there David thinks the game's gone since he's like 1986 I'm willing to bend my rules from Marco Correa the little shit well yeah that's the thing Marco Correa is a great combination of brilliant player but complete bellend yeah he was at Atafi under under Borderlands there who were just pure dark side were they like oh they are very dark side I thought you'd like that oh I love them but yeah Yeah, yeah.

28:43He just looked like his hair and his stupid singing. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. What was pleasing about this as well is that now I think Chelsea are now seven players and a manager towards having a full first 11 of red cards. Nice. I like that. That's got to be some kind of record, surely. By the end of the season I hope they'll have a full 11. Wimbledonesque. Yeah, it's brilliant. I was pleased to see him walk off. I was also pleased to see Fulham win because I remember being at Fulham against Chelsea a couple of seasons ago and it was quite early in the season I did a ramble reacts from there with Marcus and Chelsea had come off the back of some really poor results they'd lost at home to Forest they'd lost at home to Villa and Fulham had started the season okay and we thought oh Fulham will do alright here they played Chelsea at Creven Cottage back in October 2023 I just got it in front of me here and it was the most dictionary definition Chelsea win it was so disappointing Fulham did nothing and it felt a bit like you know you're practising a computer game for ages it's a video game and you think you're really good at it and then you just play your older brother and he just beats you easily that's what it felt like and last night it wasn't like that and Fulham were able to get a win and they're now I mean given that a couple of months ago Marcus was like we need to get going here we need to because we're they've got going they're almost in the European places aren't they in another example of how weird the league is this season they're now 17 points off relegation because they haven't lost for ages now so great win for them they were very very good last night they've been very good for some time now and they're just doing I tell you what considering they've lost a few players to AFCON as well to Nigeria as well a lot of their play comes through Alex Iwobi so for them to carry on this form while he's not there and they were brilliant I put the look they've got some serious talent in that midfield Wilson stepping up again you know he's been one of the players this season easily he's absolutely brilliant and I tell you he nearly did full 90 last night as well so he got a bit of fortune on his goal with the deflection off Rhys James but that first touch to bring it into him was really good and only something that he could do with his level of technical ability and I just want to say how much I absolutely adore Kevin too yeah yeah he's the kind of player you can really get behind watching you want to see him you want to see him play he's full fat butter with salt in it he's just a little buttery player he is my type of player and I get people to be frustrated but oh my god he tries everything and there was one bit when the Fulham were wasting a bit of time in the corner near the end of the game and he tried to do one of those little rainbow sort of flips yeah I was like oh man I was like, unbelievable.

31:09Ben Arthur with air levels, love it. He's not a guy that, if you got like points in fantasy primarily for stepovers, he'd be everyone's captain. Yeah. He's found that skill button. He always takes the scenic route, old Kevin. It's an exciting sign and I think really if you're a club the size of Fulham, they paid big money for him of course, but if you're a club the size of Fulham, you have to kind of take a gamble because he's the kind of player that a lot of big clubs will have looked at and gone, oh, I'm not sure, you know, we'll go after a Cherokee instead or whatever. Yeah, we'll let him go to Fulham, see how he does.

31:36We'll buy him in a couple of years. Okay, we'll pay a bit of a 20 million premium, but we'll let him go. Like Spotify's commissioning process for Polkard. It just goes to show, if you give Marco Silva sign-ins and players, that he will do things with them as well. It's a very slim squad they've got there. I know he was speaking about Adama Traore, who nearly went to West Ham and he said, I need my players here. I don't need to lose anybody else. And to be fair to Adama Traore, he probably went, no fucking thing. I was going to say, no. I love you, Nuno. You've always been very good to me, but this is beyond the pale I mean talking about the Nigerians coming back sounds like they might be coming back sooner rather than later they're not getting paid they're like fuck this I'm not continuing in this tournament again that's classic AFCON that's classic AFCON that is classic AFCON yeah I mean Wilson doing it again really tidy finish through like a sea of players Sanchez will be annoyed about that for his maybe positioning or just maybe just general savouries but yeah a nice tidy goal and a great winner it was and I think you know it'd be interesting to see what happens to Chelsea over the coming weeks right because obviously McFarlane was still in the dugout wasn't he for the game last night and Rosini was going to come in and he was having a lovely time at McFarlane apparently you got a yellow card last night why not I know it's the Chelsea way these days you go to the fun fair you're going to buy the candy floss should have gone all the way should have gone all the way and got the red I've done over Pep I'll get a red card as well I'm never going to be a Premier League manager again the suspension will be like Zidane's international suspension it'll never be realised so yeah you might as well have done I just think Rory Smith at the time not the time what is he now the observer I think he is now was talking about this Blueco thing because there's a Blueco banner yeah a Blueco out banner great to see by the way from the fans yeah absolutely but what Rory Smith was saying which I thought was really interesting is he was quite angry about the way that Vecinio has gone from Strasbourg to Chelsea and he was saying look we need confirmation from the clubs and possibly from UEFA as well now to say were Strasbourg allowed to say no you can't have Resenia?

33:43Because if they're not allowed to say that, this is a massive undermining of the very fabric of the sport and the multi-club ownership thing doesn't work because obviously Resenia himself can say I don't want to do it thanks but if Strasbourg literally because they're owned by the same company, the multi-club ownership model, aren't allowed to say Chelsea you can't take our manager then that is essentially really problematic and I thought it was a really interesting point to make what happens if what happens if Racine you can't say no as well and I made this point so he just gets fired or whatever yeah because I made this point because I said about Gary O 'Neill going to Strasbourg I said oh he's now in the blue core realm what happens if your contract are literally just blue core and you just get pitched pitched little club on the south coast that might be a little bit of money being spent so you know I'm not against it I'm not against it I'm not dismissing it out of hand but that's a really good point as well no genuinely they might be part of the group and then that's it and you get told where to go are you telling me where are the lawn sign-ins or chill whales out there that's been a problem for a while now yeah but that's got that part of it I'm not defending it but that part of it has got its genesis in feeder clubs and your Red Bull system as well but even before that you know maybe not have been enough understanding with like Royal Antwerp or whatever Ronnie Woolworth would go to Royal Antwerp punch a ref and it would backfire occasionally but clubs used to have feeder clubs Chelsea was at Vitesse Mason Mount was at Vitesse for a long time I think and one or two others so I'm not saying it's a good thing I'm just saying that that has got its genesis in a slightly different model but who at Strasbourg would have the authority to say no exactly that's the point that's the point because Strasbourg are clearly the junior partner in that right yeah absolutely I mean their fans have been protesting against Keller their president he's clearly not doing anything no honestly at Strasbourg it seems like only the fans care only the fans are bringing all this didn't the president threaten to resign at Strasbourg though I think so something happened there something happened there yeah it was something else I think but yeah there's only the fans who have been bringing it up but but this whole loan system anyway with players I already argue and I've said this in different contexts I think maybe last season or maybe earlier this season that actually the way that the loan system works for football league clubs while ostensibly is kind of good it fucks a lot of clubs up because because the because the dice are so loaded against the the lower league clubs financially now they don't really have any choice but to accept these lone players.

36:01And they get a benefit from that because they get talented players who are trying to learn their trade. I get that. But what happens a lot is that, and I saw it at Portsmouth over and over again, at the end of each season, you've basically got to start again. Because every player just goes back to their parent club. And so the turnover of players is just mad. And so that's all to the benefit of the Premier League clubs to the detriment of the Football League clubs, right? And that's even before you get into EPPP. so the whole thing is a little basically fucking stinks the whole thing the precedence that the role of being a loan manager at a club has really grown when you think about it especially at lower leagues as well you know the amount of turnover that they'll have to get through and analyse players each summer as well and say oh he's going to be available for loan from ex-premier league club or ex-championship club and stuff so there is a lot of pressure on that role now I think give it Palantir to the end of the season I mean the new Chelsea manager was in the crowd with Bedard Agbali sipping cups of Coco I'm editorialising it probably wasn't Coco what do you reckon it was Bovro I'm thinking he's not a bottle drinker do you reckon he's quite salty isn't he Liam Rossini he's quite was there a Strasburg or Chelsea logo on the cup exactly I didn't even know about logos on cups well Liam is going to be taking over for the trip to Charlton 19th in the championship in the FA Cup if they win easy way well if they win he'll be accused of ducking an important game in the league and if they lose he's terrible but if they lose he's a joker well it's a massive banana skin for a local I don't think the knives are going to be out for him for taking the Charlton game as his first job he's already been done for speeding he could have got that fast enough yeah exactly he tried to get it as quick as he could the way they were talking about that I was going he has been convicted of speeding because he didn't get to his speed awareness course quickly enough it's like well it sounds like he's just been given three points convicted of speeding is a bit strong this sounds endemic if he's caught speeding for a speed awareness course that is endemic that's a problem speaking of that by the way I was reading that fallout from all the Reuben Amrum thing at Man United that one of the interviews for a senior role at Old Trafford had to be postponed according to someone at the Athletic because Jim Radcliffe decided to go cycling instead unbelievable there you go yeah nice unbelievable him and fucking Brailsford wanking each other off on a hill somewhere David hates Brailsford one of the tweets of the year get rid of that little cycling little freak blocking absolute slugs blocking up a country lane yeah yeah blocking up a country lane you're soon to be my father so you'll be cycling soon don't worry about that you'll have a Lycra on two years time I'll give it maximum yeah you'll have a Brompton out no no no honestly I'll make a bet on this podcast right now but you're never going to be wear Lycra definitely not right no figure hugging clothes for David interesting well yeah Chelsea are now five games without a win hopefully that will be turned around by the new manager and yeah As long as he's not driving the team bus.

38:56It's a good point. Very important. He probably doesn't have a license for such a big item. Vehicle. You need an extra license for the big vehicle, do you? Me? Heavy goods license. No, that's for a truck. Don't you need a truck? What do you need for a bus? You need a course driving license, don't you? I can see you as a long distance driver. Like full headphones, listening to something else, not really paying attention. Yeah, amphetamines. Amphetamines. Trucker speed. Doing shit by the roadside. Trucker speed. Greggs. A lot of Greggs. Yeah, oh yeah. Lovely stuff. On the old CB radio. Looking at other trucks on Facebook Marketplace.

39:29Burnley 2, Manchester United 2. Darren Fletcher's first game as caretaker manager at Manchester United. I actually watched this game. Ended without a win. What happened, didn't it? It was quite good. They looked quite good going forward, Man United, but he swapped Bruno out and went, like, they're done. Burnley through level. They looked a bit like, and this is a metaphor, so don't fucking complain. It looked a bit like... When the Eagles... Emerging from Fritzl's basement. Right, okay. blinking into the light. Yeah. What would we do now? It could be any basement, couldn't it? It could be any basement.

40:00It could be any basement. I'll say Fritzl because you once compared me to Joseph Fritzl in a live show video. Wow. What was the reason for that? I didn't know. It was the crimes of the year in short list. I didn't think that would be the link. You'll be on the list soon, DC. Me and Marcus were in it and then the payoff was that Fritzl was in it. Yeah. Disappointing. Incredible. John Terry was in it as well though. Oh, right. Anyway, The game itself, they're a bit incoherent, but what was a really good positive? There's a couple of positives, I think, actually. One is that they went behind in a really unfortunate manner, but they still managed to battle back.

40:36Obviously, he's drawn to all at Burnley. It's not a great result. I get that. Burnley hasn't been that good. But Shesko looked good. The two goals Shesko scored were goals of, you know, supreme quality of a top-level striker, right? I'm not saying he is a top-level striker. You know, the jury's still out. He's not scored a huge amount of goals. but just look at the manner of the way he scored have you seen both of the goals yep first one great run instinctive finish what you want to see from a striker second one build on the confidence from the first one instinctive first time finish open the open the right boot a really difficult skill to do when I move and ball like that yep right in the corner it was a real whip as well across from Doggo yeah it was great which was nice to see it was a first time cross which was actually nice to see yeah exactly because he's another one who likes to get the ball and then turn around he does but there was a brilliant moment in the game before that when so it ends up being cleared off the line by a Burnley defender, so it's not a goal.

41:25Yes. But where Bruno Fernandes has got the ball about 25, 30 yards out on the left flank and Dorgou's just standing there and Fernandes, he's in possession of the ball and under pressure. He actually goes to Dorgou, makes him do it. Dorgou actually goes, oh yeah, cheers boss, does the run and Fernandes plays an inch perfect pass through. Dorgou finishes it by dinking it over the key when it's cleared off the line. Right. And it was almost like a director going onto camera in the middle of a movie. And telling the actor what to do. And the actor doing it. That's the level Fernandes is compared to some of those players, in my view.

41:59He's just wanting somebody to move them for him. He's dictating what... He's like... I remember watching it thinking, do you not do any training? You play on the left, right? You play in an attacking position on the left. And to be fair to Doug, you had a fairly decent game overall. But you need another player to tell you where to run to. Yeah. It's mad. And the fact that Fernandes had the time to do it was great. But Burnley deserves some credit as well. A decent result for them. Something to build on perhaps. Two great... Well, I say two. First goal looked good, but it was actually massively deflected.

42:26Second goal was a great goal. He doesn't score bad goals, Anthony. That's mad, isn't it? He's one of those who just absolutely blutters every single time. And I love how pumped Burnley were. There was two goal line clearances from two of the three centre-backs. And both of them were wildly celebrated. Like, wildly celebrated in the way. Like, look, we're a promoted side. May and I have come to town. We need to fucking work hard here. And they were really into it. And I quite like that about it as well. Hannibal Medjury was really up for it. obviously ex-Manning Eiter play with a bit of a chip on his shoulder revenge game and all that and he was like really up for it and he kind of really took it to Manning Eiter but I thought Marcus Edwards looked good he did actually I thought Marcus Edwards looked good as an ex-Spurs player because he was endlessly trying to try something in the final third he's fun he's a fun player taking players on yeah making stuff happen Spurs looking at that going there's no place for that here thank you very much we're not interested I'm just thinking there when we talk about Dogu do you think do you think Ole's gonna just give Dogu a few Giggsie videos.

43:22Maybe he will. That's going to happen. I imagine a lot of the match prep will involve Giggsie videos, to be honest. A lot of it will, yeah. Sesko's getting some all-air videos. Come on, you Reds, come on, you Reds, playing in the dressing room. I saw a funny photo someone shared on Twitter of Michael Carrick talking to Darren Fletcher after the game, and the quote was something like, do you fancy a takeaway tonight? Yeah, I'll call Sir Alex. I love that. Yeah. I remember talking to Wes Brown and he said that he lives quite near Alex Ferguson and apparently he'll sometimes just appear like behind Wes Brown in the street and he'll like jump on his back and stuff what Ferguson?

44:02yeah in his 80s so he'll kind of like I think he looms large because I think a lot of the players live near there I love that and he's just kind of like he's like a naughty little Beatles about character he's just watching over the X-Mind have you put your recycling beads out? yeah exactly I have have you are you that's a nice gag are you are you either of you any surprise in any way that since all these tribulations that have happened that no one is really talking about Ferguson stepping out of their shadows and doing a little bit of a gentle hand on the tiller type thing I mean I'd love to see it I would love to see it but is it not surprising who did it Daglish did it Daglish did it yeah yeah yeah obviously Ferguson's a lot older than Daglish Ferguson's like 84 years old he's more of a talent though isn't he he's beautiful what manager has come back after the health issues that he's had into the game no exactly he's too old I just thought at any point over the last 12 years or whatever it is yeah no you can't and look Wes Brown hasn't for his food waste been out so someone's got to do that get Wes Brown in why is he not part of it speaking of absolute judges of talent did you see before the two goals Sesco scored Tim Sherwood said he should never wear a Maynard shirt ever again it's just it's nothing better he's like a little kind of reverse suits there isn't he the great thing about that is it's not even as if Sesco's going to have time to have read those comments to motivate him it's just the universe has just decided that Sherwood was just wrong yeah Sherwood Sherwood who is this who is this exactly right yeah there was a there was a Jim Can't Fix This banner in the way end were you pleased with that um I'm giving them a pass because they could be quite young and they could have just heard the phrase I don't know who he is well they could have just heard the phrase and sort of went you know what's that from let's make a banner about it or they've just watched on the way to Turf Moor they've watched the Louis Theroux dock on their phone yes and just quickly knock that together knock that together I don't think we need to see Jimmy Saffer references in the game maybe they picked it up from the Manning Night of Chance in the away hands as well against Leeds as well because they always sing about Jimmy Saffer so maybe it's like oh who's this Jim guy and then some young lad has gone back oh right okay yeah okay either way we don't have to see it well it's that 28 days later it obviously has a big Jimmy Savile compliment in it.

46:19Does it? Yeah, the new one. 28 years later. The first film, I believe the director was leaving the project after the first film. Danny Boyle. Danny Boyle. And he gave the next director an absolute fucking suicide ball by just introducing a gang of Jimmy Savile's at the end of it. Spoilers. Did he? Yeah. Put the spoilers for 28 years later in the description of the show. But that film's been up for ages, isn't it? I know, yeah, it's fine. but yeah but it's like now he has to sort of deal now he has to introduce this gang of Jimmy Savile men which is I have no idea what you're talking about Jimmy Savile's back baby yeah we have no idea what you're talking about Peter well I've just told you at the end of the film a load of Jimmy Savile men turn up dressed like Jimmy Savile but you keep getting confused with the different movies you keep saying 28 days later alright well that's just that's just branding what do you mean the most recent movie 28 years later the most recent movie that came out there is a Jimmy Savile thing at the end there's a Jimmy Savile thing at the end and there's a new one out called 28 Years Later at the Bone Temple and they've had so the Bone Temple they have to continue the Jimmy Savile shit right okay what I'm saying is Jimmy Savile Jimmy Savile's ref is getting slowly PR'd I don't know who's doing it can Jim fix this or not no he cannot no he's too busy cycling he's too busy fucking cycling former Italy striker Luca Toni has been talking about his time playing under former Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal he said he has a bad temper and he approaches just plays the wrong way.

47:46He's a dictator, except with his inner circle of Dutchmen. One day, he told the team, you don't have the balls that I have. And then he took down his pants, but he had a big belly, so he couldn't see the balls. Oh, that's a dig at the end. I think not seeing Van Gaal's balls is more powerful and threatening. I think so. It's like seeing a shadow of a submarine. Yeah. The prospect of it. The prospect of it. They are under there somewhere. It's just not the shark in jaw. Exactly. You don't want to see it. You don't, yeah. It ruins the whole thing. It's been reported that Ruben Amarin knew Manchester United wouldn't win a game early in his tenure after watching how his players tied up their laces.

48:20I've never wanted to know more about this, David. Yeah, I want to know more as well. You need to go on a podcast or something like that to find out a bit more. He said things were already broken when he saw them doing it. Yeah. But how were they doing it? There were probably a lot of signs though, you know. Were they tying their own hands into them? Yeah, they're all walking around. Tied their feet together. It's just the kind of thing that like those aggregated marginal gains people like. Like David Balesford, isn't it? You know, you tie your shoe laces up like this, over time, it starts to give you a benefit.

48:52After a year, I'm out of there. Apparently the first thing Balesford did for team cycling, team GB cycling, was make sure everyone knew how to wash their hands properly because they were losing days upon days to illness. Oh, right. I thought you were going to say a ****, but... No, it's possible. Good luck with that, Rory. I was just messing. I was just messing. But you know, Dave Balesford also, apparently, it's alleged that Dave Balesford, and this is common knowledge so he was looking at the possibility of reducing the size of cyclists' collarbones to make them more aerodynamic oh alright I'm not sure that's a bit like your leg lengthening thing in the far east that you talk about all the time bring me in I've got terrible posture I'm hunched up like a little weirdo little freak but that means you need more collarbone though no I mean less collarbone because I'm like oh no I need more collarbone so maybe the cyclists could donate their collarbone to me to you a little bone graft The bone hill is all about would you be saddling?

49:46You get some serious gains rather than marginal gains. Some you losers are doing leg lengthening surgery. I'm doing the old collarbone surgery. What do the looks Maxine guys call it? Being a chad? Being a chad, yeah. I'm going to be a giga chad. I'm going to put more ribs in. I'm going to put some more ribs in. So you have a really long rib cage. Yeah. Long middle finger as well. Your own bone temper if you will. To scratch out insects from the trees. From a bone temper. To get one of those things to bite on to improve your jawline. Yeah. the Thomas Frank the Thomas Frank he's got a great jawline the Thomas Frank it's one of the few things that hasn't gone by the wayside for Peter I've got everything going for me they're just in slightly the wrong place I think go on Kevin Keegan bum chin the beloved Kevin Keegan bum chin the Kirk Douglas the Kirk Douglas and I've got the and I've got a good jawline but what why it's not working for me I don't know I'll tell you what don't do not look under the bonnet that's a digestive system you're a fucking disgrace an absolute disgrace yeah I just don't wash my hands let's get out of here thank you for listening to the Football Ramble part of the Acast Creator Network we'll be back tomorrow for the preview show yeah I'll be there you'll be there will you be there I won't be there I won't be there it's you me on my own it's Luke solo I'll definitely win the game if it's the case it's like Chelsea I'll hold the answer it's like how Chelsea finishes matches I'm desperate to play Luke as well yeah you shouldn't be I'm really really keen you know you've got to taste in the biscuit now he wants more alright then say goodbye, Lucky Mo.

51:11What I would say before I say goodbye is playing against Jim is no way adequate preparation for playing against me, good boy. He's only sick bed and you have an aguard. Is he? Yeah. Have you stopped doing for Jim today? Yeah, that's where it is. That's why I'm here. Yeah, yeah. There we go. Well, you're very welcome, David, anyway. All right, that's okay. Good to see you and goodbye and it's goodbye from me. See ya. This has been The Football Level.

51:41Bones.