An asexual camp

0:00Craig Bellamy doesn't believe in friendlies, but do you? Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's Thursday the 9th of October. I'm Luke Moore. And I'm Jim Campbell.

0:24Welcome to the Football Ramble on this beautiful Thursday. A Thursday thrill, as Marcus would say. We'll wait and see. Marcus announced it before the show's even happened. That's true. And also England are playing. So he will be thrilled beyond belief right now. As I said on the yesterday show, I'm very much the Rambles Tom Heaton. Third choice host. Happy to be in the seat. The sheer cheek of Marcus Speller having a day off when England are playing is wild. I know. It's really unlike him, isn't it? We should probably check in, make sure everything's okay. Yeah, it'd be all right. It'd pop up again.

0:54It'll surface, won't it? I hope so. I'm sure he will. England play Wales tonight at 7.45pm. It's the first time England will play Wales since their 3-0 win in the 2022 World Cup, which was two Marcus Rashford goals either side of a Phil Foden goal, if memory serves me correctly. It feels a long time ago. Yeah, it does feel... Because it was in the winter. Because it was a long time ago, really, as well. It was two and a half years ago, Jim, to be fair. That is quite a long time, whichever way you slice it. Wales manager, as I said in the intro, Craig Bellamy, says he doesn't believe in friendlies.

1:24There aren't friendlies when you represent your country. And that sounds like a clichéd thing for a very proud Welshman to say, which I'm sure it probably is, but also I feel there's some truth in it because I'm quite excited England are playing a home nation friendly. I think broadly speaking, home nation friendlies are a good thing. I understand the calendar doesn't allow for them now because of all the other football that's going on. But the reason I think home nation friendlies are a good thing is because there is, without question, a little frisson of competition always in these types of games, the rivalry involved and everything.

1:56And it removes that pointless nature of friendly games that you sometimes see, which of course the Nations League was designed to eradicate, but we still do have friendlies, where people are actually going to want to win, particularly the Welsh. Bellamy's also said, before I bring you in there, Jim, if England versus Wales were the boxing match, it wouldn't be allowed because we're so much better than them and they don't do that in boxing, which is kind of true, but that would only really work as an analogy if England were all much heavier than the Welsh players, which is basically how it's done in boxing.

2:25They don't say, you're a much better boxer, so you can't fight that boxer. They normally say, You're really heavy. He's really light. It wouldn't be safe. Yeah. Obviously, we're all very aware of the idea of fight or flight. Apparently, there is a sort of new trend where that is described more accurately as fight, flight, or flatter. Right. And I wonder if Craig Bellamy is doing a little bit of that, trying to butter us up. What have you been doing to me over the years? A bit of all of them, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. You've definitely got a bit of the flight in you. may I say your moustache is looking terrifying is that fight or flatter?

3:01that's all three of them I think yeah but yeah I think you're absolutely right there is a natural competitive edge to these games I suppose if they end up being quite one-sided that dips away doesn't it but you know it's certainly better than just playing let's say Moldova or just someone you don't care about choose someone else Scotland Disrespectful to even prouder nation But I know what you're saying it's as friendlies go you sort of have to have them in this in this break don't you Well it just feels a bit like if you've only got one competitive game in the break it's like well everyone's turned up now so you might as well have another one And also the sense is that every game is really important for Thomas Tuchel now he's had four camps of the six that he's going to have How camp have they been?

3:48They've they've been disappointingly Is Thomas Tuchel The most asexual, actually. But Thomas Tuchel, by virtue of the fact that he's German and quite softly spoken, automatically much more camp than Graf Southgate, whose waistcoat was admittedly camp. It was quite camp. But I think Tuchel is much camper. Yeah, I would agree with that. Daniel Farker takes that German campness to the very end of the spectrum. But Tuchel's still on the spectrum, isn't he? I would say so. Are you pleased about how camped they've been? It's not something I've given that much thought to, I have to say. Keep up. but yeah the more of it the better as far as I'm concerned I think football could be more camp the can-can at Bayern is camp very very camp and I mean Tuchel has had four camps of six so far so there's no getting away from the campness of these camps no there's not it's not the point of it but that really hits home how little time he has so having a truly competitive friendly in this where the stakes are important and it's to some degree going to replicate the feeling you might get in a tournament game where all eyes are on it and the pride is at stake as well as you know the the absolute importance of getting through the groups and whatnot is is way better than just having some sort of drab friendly so it's I think it's a good one in here it'd be interesting to see how how different it is from the last camp I can't imagine it will be very different at all I think the idea is continuity now isn't it the the Serbia game is exactly what I think he's trying to do he he made quite a lot of noise 5-0.

5:17Well, indeed. I'm trying to do this every game. Yeah, exactly. The style of it, though, he did say that he wants to be a bit more expansive and a little bit less kind of cautious with a couple of digs at Sir Gareth there. Yeah, he wants the shorts to be shorter. Yeah, he wants sexy football. Little tassels on the socks. Absolutely. Maybe everyone has a theme song. Nail varnish. Yeah, RuPaul's there. Yeah. Don't fuck it up. The team's that was for the game as RuPaul come in. Yeah. Don't fuck it up. Absolutely. so I do wonder if Craig Wellerby's not camp is he? The golf thing was quite camp yeah I know it was a kind of is it or is it more Joe Pesci?

5:58because it was a rebuttal wasn't it because he was he said that the whole thing about him hitting someone with a golf club never happened so right John Arisa wasn't it it was the alleged victim that's how I remember it vicious golf club related assault which apparently didn't happen yeah did it happen John Rees said it did happen, didn't he? I'll have to go back and check. Yeah, who knows? They'll probably have to edit this out because it might be libelous. Who knows? In short, probably not a very camp man, Craig Bellamy. No, I don't think he is. And I think he's also, he knows exactly what he's doing.

6:25I like Craig Bellamy in Wales because I think he taps into exactly what it's all about. He clearly cares very deeply about Welsh football and about the country. He's a proud Welshman. I think we're going to be totally even-handed about it. He's also matured a lot. And I think he says a lot of the right things in press conferences. And I like that he's straight talking in not an Ange Postacoglu kind of now becoming slightly tragic way. But he also knows exactly what he's doing, doesn't he? Because he prepares for these games with the media by saying some of the things that I've mentioned, you know, that if it was a boxing match, it wouldn't be allowed.

6:59He's also said that his team has to be full gas against England. I would say full biff. He said full gas. It means the same thing. He doesn't believe in friendlies. There aren't friendlies when you represent your country. But he's also kind of piled the pressure on and said, you know, it's a matter of time in his mind before England win a major trophy. So I thought it would have happened before now, but it's still just a matter of time. I mean, technically speaking, anything that doesn't contravene the known laws of physics could happen within a matter of time. So it's not a big claim, but I think what he's getting at there is England know they should be doing better.

7:30They know they should have lifted the trophy by now. They've come very close. They haven't quite done it. That's all good grist to the mill for his team, right? Who have got some talented players. And before I bring you back in, I would just like to add, you know you can plead poverty all you want but Wales are clearly a worse team than England but they've still got seasoned Premier League operators they've got you know Harry Wilson who plays regularly in the Premier League Joe Roden who started the season very well at Leeds and Nico Williams who's still still very young and a very good player who's maybe struggling a little bit because of the situation at Forest but is a good player Daniel James Daniel James has had to pull out hasn't he but generally speaking Ben Davis as well Brennan Johnson David Brooks Yeah, the good players there.

8:11The Brennan Johnson match-winning player in the Premier League. Absolutely. So they're not, you know, it shouldn't really be Oliver Twist. It shouldn't be holding your cap out to the Victorian workhouse master and saying, please, sir, could I have a ball-playing midfielder? You know, they've got players. That would be quite a camp if he did that. Yeah, I think part of it, though, is obviously, firstly, he's just responding to a question about England there, isn't it? It's very tempting to think whenever you see a quote like this that a manager has called a press conference and announced their feelings about a certain thing and managers are beating those sticks that come from that.

8:44Yeah, but there are ways of answering questions. Sure, absolutely. Look, what's wrong with things being hard, mate? You could do that. Yeah, well, actually, you know, Bellamy kind of did say that he finds tests against these teams the best possible matches that he can play, because even if you get battered, that's where you learn about yourselves. That's where you learn, perhaps, the depth of your own weaknesses and the gaps that you have to fill. and I do like his approach and his honesty and the way that he will essentially kind of set an objective for each round of games and then assess quite publicly where they fell short or where they succeeded.

9:18So it makes him very sort of interesting. In terms of England, I'll kind of go back to what we're saying about the Serbia game where I think that was the first game we've seen Tuchel's vision as he's kind of set it out at the start of his tenure really come to fruition. And it's a funny one because I want England to play with higher tempo. I want them to score a lot of goals. I want them to be dominant and possession-based and intense. But is that even possible in the heat that they're going to be playing in the World Cup? There's also a lot of question marks over what time of day the games are actually going to be played and all the rest of it as well.

9:53There's a lot of factors at play here. There's also a lot of fuckery going along with the people running the country in the United States at the moment who are looking to hold cities to ransom in terms of their hosting ability and the rest of the world. No one's going to shake out with all that, but that's getting a bit off topic. I would say that, you know, on the Tuchel England thing, I agree with what you're saying. I'll divert for you slightly on the possession-based thing. I don't necessarily care about that. I think counter-attacking football is really exciting and England could definitely play that if they wanted to.

10:20But the tempo thing is absolutely right. And sometimes I think people conflate tactics and tempo, right? I think that it doesn't really matter what tactic you play if you're playing with tempo. You just play the tactics that suit the manager's philosophy, the players you've got or whatever and on the flip side to that any tactical plan will fall to pieces if you don't play with tempo you're not first at the ball and you don't really apply yourself in that way and a lot of the time I find when you're watching and that they're worst there's no tempo absolutely it doesn't actually fucking matter who's a lot of the time which players are on the pitch even because they're playing against teams in qualification are much worse than them they're just struggling to break them down just walking around playing sideways passes dads around the country fuming if they pass backwards which they do.

11:05Some dad's saying, look, I was promised more campness than this. Exactly. And this game's, this second half. And I'm a dad. Look how far I've come and they're not delivering for me. This game, in the second half, is now post-Watershed and I was promised a bit of blue. And I've got no blue in terms of goals or even assists. That's what they're saying. Look, I think the way that Wales are setting up about it, going about it, is quite interesting as well because Bellamy said that they want to play against the top teams as you've mentioned. He chose a friendly against Canada, didn't he, to see where they were at.

11:32They obviously lost that game at home in Swansea, which he was very disappointed about, called it his hardest week as manager. The issue, I suppose, for Bellamy is it's a gamble plan, England, because if it goes the way that England were against Serbia, they could get battered. And that's going to undo quite a lot of the hard work they've put in. So it'll be an interesting game. England should have enough, but Wales are dangerous and they should be respected. Speaking of the riches that England have at their disposal, the great John Stones has said that he considered retiring last season from football entirely because of injury.

12:03First of all, is it allowed for me to call him the great John Stones at this point? I think in the context of England... 83 caps? Well, yeah, I mean, when you look at the squad, there aren't that many players with, you know, tons of caps in that squad. So he's certainly one of the kind of stalwarts and one of the greats in this era. I mean, he's been on board for all of the kind of... All the near misses. Deeper tournament near misses. That doesn't make you a great, nothing does. all the stuff I'm a great beggars can't be choosers here can they I simply am and England great because of all the things I nearly achieved exactly the reason I wanted to include this is because I find the quote actually quite affecting and a reminder actually for people like us who just talk about football all the time how much goes into a player getting fit again when they're injured because I think there's a temptation when we make shows like this that if a player's injured particularly long term other than the odd reference that a club's missing them or whatever you don't really think about them because there's so much happening that you don't ever give them the respect of mentioning.

13:03To the point where long-term absentees aren't even included in roundups of injured players. That's how much you fall off of the radar. You're like PNG, aren't you? Stones said, I didn't want to do it. He talked about getting fit again. I'd had enough of being so professional and trying to do everything right in my power to then keep breaking down, not having the answers. It was a very difficult place to be in. And when you're playing at Man City, of course, which is so competitive for places, and I guess the last year really for Stones has been really, really tough, hasn't it? He hasn't played an awful lot.

13:29You're also missing tactical shifts as well. I'm sure that Guardiola keeps his injured players involved with that sort of stuff, but the theory and the practice are obviously very different, right? Yeah. So there's a lot of elements where I imagine you feel left behind. And I think, you know, seeing those quotes, like that applies to most people about just getting fit in the first place and staying fit. It can be really boring to just, you know, just keep hitting the gym and keep watching your diet and all those things, but then being injured on top of that. I completely understand why that must feel so futile.

13:58The psychological impact of being a long-term injured player as a professional is, it must just be absolutely haunting. And you get a little insight into it when you go and visit a training ground or you interview a player or an ex-player. And they're basically, cheers, they're basically essentially in this such a weird place where they go through the motions of all the things they would normally do as a footballer up to, but not including, actually playing football. to the point where physically they'll walk from where they get ready if they can walk obviously they'll walk with the other players they'll turn up at the same time or whatever and then the players who are fit will peel off to the training ground they'll peel off the other way to the gym or to the pool or to the physio and they're completely separate from it now I know a lot of work has been done now for players to feel included and feel part of it and not feel forgotten about but the reality is they're not able to do the one thing they're supposed to be doing and psychologically this is so damaging so I think we should sometimes remind ourselves about that.

14:57Anyway, John Stones is in the squad. You'd expect him to play some part at some point across these two games. So more power to him. I think he's a really, really important part of this squad. What journey is that? The whole gym. Yeah. When he moves from Everton to Man City, do you remember the amount of stick he used to get for all these mistakes he was making? And Guardiola would defend him over and over again. It's part of his game. He's going to get better. I love this player. I love his mistakes. Yeah, exactly. Do you remember that? And he doesn't really feel like that player now, does he?

15:22He feels like the sort of experienced, calm, safe guy. Well, no, it's because Grado pumps it long. Just put your boot for it, John Ladd. But he was playing in midfield at one point, wasn't he? And, you know, we were talking about that potentially being an option for England because he'd become so sort of technically reliable. But I do think England's defensive depth is a really interesting one. Now, it looks like Mark Gay and Esri Conta are Thomas Tuchel's first choice, which I think is good. They're a good partnership. That's partly because of Stoans' absence, though, right? It must be, yeah.

15:50Absolutely, yeah. But I think that's why I think Stoans is so important because currently the other centre-backs in the squad are Dan Byrne and Jarrell Kwanza. They're both good players. Byrne's a bit more of a utility player as well. Well, exactly. But it doesn't really, I don't think, match the depth that we've seen in attacking areas. I really hoped and thought that Jared Branthwaite would be a contender by now. But injuries kind of hampered him. I think if he can get fit this season and get some consistency, if you put him in that group of players, you think, okay we're well placed to weather you know some injuries and some suspensions and whatever you might need to have going into a tournament so I think Stones is a kind of really important kind of part of the foundation to it a little mention for Colwell as well Levi Colwell yeah but Colwell's kind of out for the season isn't he so yeah of course if you're going to mention Jared you're going to mention Levi fair enough you know I think otherwise I think you know England And you'd hope they have enough to get past these two games.

16:50But you can't take it for granted. It's so funny how they come off the back of that 5-0 win against Serbia and everyone's buzzing and everyone's sitting here saying, this is the performance we wanted on the two call. But a game or two before that, it looked quite bleak. It looked a bit like... It looked more of the same, but with more promised. And worse, I think. It's a confusing prospect, all those different things at once. But that's what it felt like. Before we go to the break, I just quit mentioning of Harry Kane, who said that he is, quote, less certain than ever that he will return to the Premier League.

17:19He said, if you asked me when I first left to go to Bayern, I would have said for sure I would come back. Now that I've been there a couple of years, I would probably say that has gone down a little bit, but I wouldn't say I would never go back. The characteristic kind of understatement and boredom infecting every single sentence. It was like Keir Starmer forgetting about Harry Kane, hearing that, wasn't it? It was the same sort of vibe. Don't ask Harry Kane if he's loving living in Germany in the middle of bloody Oktoberfest. Of course he's loving it Can't believe his luck He said While wearing his fucking Lederhausen And having a big stein Well he did say Didn't he He only had one beer But given the size of them That's enough I went to Frooningsfest last year Which is the spring version Of Oktoberfest And yeah Drink was Drink was taken Was plentiful When we went to see Her to Berlin In possibly the worst Game of football I've ever seen live Can't even remember Was Salomon Kalou playing I think he was It was one all And despite having Goals in it I've seen better 0-0 draws but they were selling Steins in the stadium then do you remember yeah with players prints on them yes and also because they have to be a bit creative in Germany with kind of advertising and stuff like that whenever a player went down injured on the screens they had an advert for a local pharmacy a great bit of like guerrilla marketing yeah very nice yeah but Kane said that his family are settled in Bavaria right and that's that's a huge huge part of a football movement abroad but is this a definitive statement Jim no Now that I have been there a couple of years, I would probably say that has gone down a little bit, but I wouldn't say I would never go back.

18:49No, no, it doesn't sound very definitive to me. Just say I've not really thought about it. Yeah. I'm doing something else. Can you leave me alone? You've seen how many goals I've scored. Why are you asking me about leaving? Yeah, I kind of hope he does come back and do the old Premier League goal scoring record just chiefly because it gives me one less opportunity to hear from Alan Shearer. All right, coming up after this, Rangers have been told not to replace Russell Martin with a bloody vegan.

19:29Maybe the Farhanks would get four strikers on. Again, no organisation. And now we're 1-0 down again.

19:45Scottish fans there. Just simply shouting fuck off. Do you reckon they're vegans? It feels unlikely. I don't want to be too judgmental, but it feels unlikely. More on that in a minute, but before we get to that vital story about the replacement of Russell Martin at Rangers, Scotland played Greece tonight at 7.45 for the third time this year. It's becoming a classic. It's becoming a derby. It's becoming a weird little derby. You get those, don't you? and obviously last time these two teams met was at hand in March and Greece won 3-0. They were overturned because it was a nation's leg second leg wasn't it?

20:17Yes and it was and Greece have got some good attacking talent. Obviously Evangelis Pavlidis at Benfica is a good player. Christos Solis at Club Brugge and there's young Konstantinos Kretsas from Genk who a lot of people are kind of raving about a lot of the boffins a lot of the chops. But he's done the business with Greece already. Absolutely. Are they Boff Chof's choice now? I think so. I do think the alliteration helps. It's a little bit Kavija Kavarach Galia, isn't it? In that you have to learn the name and then show off that you've learned it. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, we're going to be hearing about this young man for a long time.

20:52But also, you know, he does look like a very good player. Do you think that part of the reason that Russell Martin failed at Rangers is because people thought he was a Boff Chof? He might have been, yeah. There's a bit of a name about that, isn't there? If you're whatever it was that that numpty that we're going to come onto was criticising him for being a vegan and this, that and the other, it certainly falls into the bracket of being a boff choff. Yeah, which again is, there's a lot of crossovers like whoa karate and stuff like that. Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. Go on, I was going to say what you were going to say.

21:18I was going to say gash.

21:23Listen, Scotland's Steve Clarke has said that he's targeting the six points from the next two games against Greece and Belarus, which you kind of assume. Yeah, I mean, the hope game's here and they've already got a point in Denmark and beaten Belarus away. It doesn't fill me with a massive amount of confidence when the manager says, we're going to try and win these games, guys. we're a four team group and we really want to qualify for the World Cup so what we're going to do is we're going to try and win hopefully when they tally it up at the end it will be enough yeah because one win is three points and another win is three points so that gives us six points and that's what we're targeting on top of the ones I've already got yeah well they've only I've only actually got three points four points at the moment because they won one so they've started pretty well I mean they had a very creditable draw in Denmark they went and beat Belarus 2-0 as well in the away game and now they've got three home games to come.

22:08It's basically in their hands, really. Because if they beat Denmark at home in November, then provided it doesn't go absolutely terribly in these games at home to Greece and Belarus again, they'll be home and hosed. So, of course, they've got to target that. There are some kind of issues around the squad. Now, we talked before the break about Wales having some good players. Unquestionably, Scotland have got some great players as well. Best squad in a long time. John McGean, Scott McTominay. Bill Gilmore, Robertson. Yeah, there's so many players in there. But Stephen Naismith, who of course is the assistant manager at Scotland, said that it's a bit of an issue around the goalkeeping position.

22:44Because get this, all three goalkeepers in the current squad have played a combined one game this season. And that's Rangers' Liam Kelly, who made a competitive appearance this season against Alloa Athletic in the League Cup. And that's it. So Angus Gunn at Forest... To be fair to him and Russell Martin, they did win that game. Okay, good. Angus Gunn hasn't played at Forest. and Craig Gordon is the other goalkeeper who's coming back from injury. And he's 42 as well, Craig Gordon. So you might actually think... He made his Scotland debut in 2004. Incredible. Well, that's the year I moved to London, Jim.

23:15Wow. As you heard on Uncut yesterday. Absolutely. He had that horrible experience on a bus. Yeah, busman punched a bus driver. But yeah, so it's a very interesting one with this squad, I think, because Steve Clarke has chosen to have a smaller squad than you're allowed to, which I think he's... Lawrence Shanklin missing out for that reason is a surprising one. But yeah, on the goalkeeping thing, I think probably you go with Gordon there, right? Because actually in that scenario, experience is a good thing. So you probably want to lean on it. We're going to talk about an 82-year-old goalkeeper later.

23:48We are. Would you extend that point to quite that level? I would love to see Scotland play with an 82-year-old goalkeeper. What point does the experience tail off as a benefit? Give me an age. Give me an age now. It's not long after 42. 42 there, Craig Gordon. 82 there. the Italian fella I'm going to say 43 go there get him in while you can get him in while you can because he's not playing next summer according to Jim his birthday's on New Year's Eve Hogman eh he'll be 43 on Hogman eh young Craig younger than us younger than you yeah younger than us look they've got to win they want to win the home games as simple as that you know this this expanded World Cup format does benefit teams we talked about it in the Euros as well does benefit teams and nations of the size of Scotland and Scotland's players whether you want to talk about the aforementioned Scott McTominay, John McGinn, players like Aaron Hickey as well has come back and started playing well in the Premier League.

24:43They should have enough to get past these nations, right? They should. Although Greece are a tricky one though, right? So they've got to avenge that 3-0 defeat from before. So this actually should be a really good game. Will you be watching it, Jim? I'll be watching England. Of course you will. Yeah, exactly. Showing your true colours. No, you're still for the breakup of the United Kingdom, are you? I can't remember. If it was the only thing that was going to keep the United Kingdom together was you watching Scotland tonight instead of England, would you do it?

25:17You know what? I think just let them vote on it, right? I said to you. It's not my business, is it? Are you full separation of the United Kingdom and you just said, I can't remember? I can't remember. There's so much to remember. There's too many opinions you have to have now. You have to have too many opinions. That's the problem, isn't it? Not just about football, but anything. You have to have an opinion on everything now. It's part of being an internet person, which everyone is. Everyone's an internet person, whether they like it or not. You've got to live in another dimension that's just your opinions.

25:42You do. And some people will hate you. Yeah. It's more than some with me. I can't go on YouTube this week because I'm hosting two shows. No. It'll just be endless people calling me a shit host or a cunt. Or a pedo. Yeah, exactly. Conservative member of the Scottish Parliament Murdo Fraser who will be delightful absolutely delighted we'll be delighted with that segue won't we? Pedo pause Conservative member of the Scottish Parliament Murdo Fraser right? Now I would say this is going to probably get me in trouble but I'm going to say it and I insist on it standing in the show you should never trust a Scottish Tory No it's like a Scottish Conservative it's like remember those kids at school who were like I support Barcelona fuck off there was a kid at my school who got filled in, right?

26:28He was fine, and he is fine. He's still a perfectly fine adult. Well, he's an adult. He's still alive. He, at the time of recording, he was a Pompey fan, right? Everyone was a Pompey fan at my place, at St. John's Church of England Primary School in Gosport. He came in one day from nowhere and just started telling everyone in reception class, the first class of the day, whatever it's called, not reception, tutor group class, that he now supported Portsmouth and Southampton. Just told everyone. Yeah, I'm supporting both of them. And everyone's like, right, okay. First break of the day, filled in.

27:04Had to go home. Just half of him though, presumably. Yeah, no. He just got completely filled in. And then he had to go home. His mum had to come and get him. So some people do just choose violence, don't they? Yeah, I mean, that is idiotic, isn't it? Was he someone who actually liked football or was he just trying to get attention? No, he did. He liked football. He was quite good at it as well. Played for the team and everything. I just think he had a mad day. a mad morning. We were only about eight, so he probably just had a mad one that morning. What kid? Anyway, Murdo Fraser, who I've looked up on Wikipedia, I didn't like the cut of his jib very much, a conservative member of the Scottish Parliament, has urged Rangers to avoid vegans, Buddhists and Green Party members as candidates to become their next manager.

27:42The thing with this as well is that it's the most, it's so obvious. It's almost as obvious as the joke where people talk about identifying as something else. Always the same joke. but you know he's going to have been so pleased with himself after that. I think it's just tedious, isn't it? Everything has to become an extension of this weird culture war bollocks that everyone has to get involved with. He also spelt the word Buddhist wrong, which I know isn't the main problem here, but he spelt it completely wrong in a way that is quite disrespectful to a large part of the community. Yeah, like the English Conservatives spoke the word Britain wrong on some of their own merchandise at their conference recently.

28:27Richard Tice went on Question Time talking about Britain with his British Union Jack pen badge upside down. Classic, classic. But the thing is as well, as a Rangers fan, which I believe Murdo Fraser is, there's a lot to enjoy about Russell Martin leaving, isn't there? Before you even get to this nonsense. Yeah. You just enjoy what it is. Yeah, I know. A spokesman for the Scottish Greens who were caught strays in this outburst and said that had a brilliant quote they said this is a bizarre and ridiculous outburst even by the repellent and undignified standards of Murdo Fraser yeah if Rangers are to turn things around then the last person they should be taking lessons from is Murdo Fraser who represents a collapsing party in a world view that is stuck firmly in the past I think Russell Martin did a terrible job at Rangers I think he seems like a bit of a bore But as I said to you a couple of weeks ago, there's a lot of reasons to like him.

29:22Admire the man. He's worked really hard to get where he is. The fact that he's a vegan isn't really... It's just entirely irrelevant. No. It's just, again, it's just nonsense cultural stuff, isn't it? But here we are talking about it. He should be United Manager Russell Martin because there's probably no meat to have in the chinting anyway. Unless you want to catch your own mice. Yeah, exactly. Russell Martin, has to be fair, previously supported the Greens and said that being vegan awakens you socially to become a lot more conscious about things. I think it's a good thing. we agree on that he said I'll be honest that wasn't for ethical reasons at first it was purely for health I was struggling with ulcerative colitis I did a lot of research into diet and what could help so well done Murdo stick in the boot with another man he's just lost his job yeah and has you know essentially reached veganism through kind of diligent self-examination and grown as a person yeah should change his tactics shouldn't he he should yeah he should maybe his football should go vegan apply that same thinking to just you know defending do you know there's a phrase that is mostly used in Australian sports when it comes to getting tries in rugby and stuff where they say scoring a try is getting some meat right getting some meat you could probably occupy I'd love to introduce into football parlance scoring a goal is getting some meat yeah but you I mean Russell Martin wouldn't appreciate it would he I guess he wouldn't no maybe Ange Postacoglu would have would have brought that in in Scotland in the past.

30:46He'd definitely be familiar with it. Yeah, absolutely. Because there was a guy who, an Australian rugby player, who, I can't remember his name now, but he's known as being a very, very eccentric, charismatic guy. And he's really, and his compilation of post-match interviews is really funny. He's just the most Australian man ever. He's got a mullet and all the rest of it. And it'll be like, they'll say to him, well, how did the game go for you today? And he'd go, and he scored a try. And he'll go, I was obviously absolutely delighted to get some meat. And it sounds really funny in that context.

31:13But you can't do that with Russell Martin. There's also that amazing phrase. Yeah, get some tofu. There's that amazing phrase, which is an Australian saying for like, you know, being there to do a job seriously, which is, I'm not here to fuck spiders. The etymology of that is, you know, lost to me. But yeah, more of that, please. Would you like to wrestle it back to who might be the next Rangers manager? Yeah, if you're going to talk about how Sean Dyche has briefed the press to make it clear that he doesn't want the job seemingly before he's even been offered it. I mean, if I were a Rangers fan, this would depress me, what I'm about to say.

31:49Steven Gerrard has emerged as the frontrunner for the Rangers job. He's currently ahead of Kevin Muscat, who's the bookie's favourite, and Sean Dyche has pulled out. Yeah. Do you know what it sounds like to me? An audience with Alan Partridge and special guests. Yeah. Sue Cook's pulled out. Sean Dyche has pulled out. Yeah, I think for Gerrard, it's actually not a bad idea though, right? It worked for him there. he was a good fit with the club he's got to rebuild his reputation somewhere I wonder if it's probably the only realistic landing spot of any note whatsoever that he can do now exactly because he's not going to want to go to League One no and I think he's possibly going to struggle to get a championship job now notwithstanding the idea that maybe a chairman an egotistical chairman might just love the idea of having him in in a kind of Wayne Rooney type situation but he's certainly not getting a Premier League job now no and I think part of the problem is that his time at Villa exposed him as being quite tactically old-fashioned and just kind of pretty basic.

32:46Yeah, yeah. And so, I mean, I guess maybe it is worth it because they do say, don't they, you shouldn't really go back. But I think in this situation, it might actually work well for everyone, maybe. Possibly. But also for him, from his point of view, then they've had such a bad start that it actually goes up to you. Yeah, right. So, and he gets a lot of time to build it up. And there's a lot to be said for that. Yeah. It's been 2021 since Steven Gerard left Rangers, by the way. It seems like a long time ago now. I feel like it was a lot more recent than that. but possibly because I always look at that photo of him looking up at the picture of the Queen in the dressing room it's always really funny as a meme isn't it before we go I've got a picture of that in my bathroom of him looking up at the Queen yeah in my bathroom I've got a picture of you looking at that picture of him looking up at the picture of the Queen in the Rangers dressing room funny because in Pete's bathroom yeah you don't want to go in there 82 year old goalkeeper Lamberto Baranga who we talked about a few weeks ago signing for 7th tier Trevano in the state of Perugia in Italy, the very middle of Italy, has actually played a game.

33:43The former Fiorentina goalkeeper and Masters World Champion long jumper. Which is, I think, still competing. Well, the Masters Athletics is possibly the most interesting part of this whole thing. Now, I went on a deep dive on this. So Masters Athletics is done in categories the same way Paralympics is done. Right. Depending on your age. So he is the Masters World Champion long jumper and world record holder for one particular category of a certain age in which he jumped, I want to say, over five and a half metres as like a 70-year-old. Wow. So he's obviously quite the athlete, but he made his debut for Trivana, which I think is where he started his career.

34:22And if you watch the footage, cameras have turned up to film him from the very start all the way through the build-up, the game, and then post-match, in which he delightfully gets interviewed afterwards with his top-off, which is amazing. and in the he's invited to do the team talk with the rest of the team and they're in the huddle on the pitch and he says something like I mean it's obviously translated but he says something like I started my career here and I want to end my career here let's look after each other but also guys look after me he says that sadly Jim they lost 10-0 they did lose 10-0 right he conceded five goals he doesn't look that bad no he doesn't you saw the footage right it makes him proper dives and everything there's no way if I said to you You do nothing about that story.

35:04And I said to you, how old do you reckon that keeper is? There's no way you're staying 18. No, not as old as that. Nowhere near as old as that. Okay. Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me do a little reverse auction here. Right. 80? Younger than 80? Younger than 80. Younger than 75? Yeah. 70? I'm going late 60s. You reckon he, I say. Because he looks unbelievably spry for a person of his age. So you would, you would think surely, you think it impossible that anyone over 70 was moving like that, I think. Yeah. Because he's obviously been an athlete for a long time to a high standard across a lot of disciplines.

35:34But the guy who replaced him also conceded five goals and he's 26. That's embarrassing. And also, he's well beyond the Craig Gordon threshold of experience being a factor by 25 years or so. By some distance. Yeah. He said after the game, he had his top off, which is brilliant. He said, I made two mistakes, but I made three or four good saves. Yeah, I mean, there's a good ratio when you're 82 years old, to be fair to him. You know, the last club he played for when he, actually no, the last club he played for played for after his first retirement in 1993. He was a physician there and he only played one game for them and they were called Bastardo.

36:10Also, he retired in 1993. Yeah, and then came out of retirement again. Amazing. Unbelievable stuff. I hope he comes back for a bit more meat. Yes, I think he will. I think he goes back for a bit more action. He's trying to keep the meat out, isn't he? Yeah. I suppose he's like a vegan activist. He is, yeah. He's stopping the meat, isn't he? Yeah, he's absolutely Linda McCartney in it. alright that's about it from us thanks for listening to the Football Ramble today we are of course part of the Acast creator network Jim's having a rest tomorrow but I'll be back with Pete and Vish to review that England vs Wales game so we'll look forward to seeing you then and if you're not a Patreon subscriber please do sign up at the Patreon patreon.com forward slash Football Ramble for just$5 a month you get ad free shows you get a bit of extra meat as well and lots more besides and we'll obviously love you forever but that's it say goodbye Jim goodbye and it's goodbye from me as well

37:05The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.