Best of the Football Ramble 2024/25 (Part 2)

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1:05Max Rushton here from the chart-topping Guardian Football Weekly podcast. Don't like to crow. If you enjoyed the World Cup with us, you'll be glad to know we're back for the new Premier League season. Expect three episodes a week, questionable predictions, and the biggest stories in soccer from the Premier League to the Champions League and beyond. Watch now on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's back to school time, which means many of us are going to be busier than ever. But from getting out the door in the morning to enjoying delicious meals together at the end of the day, Whole Foods Market can help with convenient options and delivery.

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3:33Pete Donaldson: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the best of the Football Ramble. Today, we're looking back at some of our favourite moments and characters since the start of 2025. In that time, we saw some huge achievements in football, and we mean huge, from Liverpool's record-equalling 20th top-flight title to Arsenal's demolition of Real Madrid in the Champions League to Juan Bernabe's prosthetic enlargement. Yes, why are we talking about Lazio's eagle handler? Well, because he's now more of a penis handler. What's an intro? Yes. I'll tell you what. This well-storied football club in Italy have fired Juan Bernabe, the Spanish falconer who handles the team's eagle.

4:22Pete Donaldson: This decision was made after Bernabe underwent penile implant surgery, which was, of course, as it sounds, a knob enlargement. I'm not sure it is, actually. I think it's a little pump to aid with stiffness. To aid with tumescence. Yes. Marcus. to achieve full tumescence among men of a certain age. Yeah. I haven't heard you say that for ages. There's a lot of stories that break in football throughout the season here on the Ramble that we are very happy to talk about. There's not been one better than this. Nope. I've never known Pete Donaldson so gutted before. He's not on the roster today. He keeps going, they went in through the stomach.

5:08I can't stop thinking about it.

5:11Pete Donaldson: That's not his accent But you get what you get But they fired him not because he had the surgery It's because he shared the results on social media Marcus, if I may quote from the story Please, please, please Bernabe posted photos of his newly fitted penis from all angles All angles Can I just say, this is the most Lazio thing ever You want to do a fascist salute Fine, you want to be far right Fine, you want to show your cock on social media Not fine performing a fascist slash Nazi salute after a game against Milan suspended showing a picture of your medically enhanced penis sacked yeah he also openly praised Benito Mussolini and Franco there's no ambiguity no yeah and you can't even accuse him of saying well maybe he I mean obviously you can't accuse him of this if I'm bending over backwards to try and to try and find an absolute modicum of sympathy sympathy for this man and say, well, okay, Mussolini, you're talking about, because he's from Spain.

6:10Pete Donaldson: And then he goes, and I like Franco as well. And I say, oh, I like that. He's so committed to Lazio that he wants to be able to, on demand, get his penis to do a fascist salute. You say he's committed to Lazio. Remember, he was also fired as the falconer at Benfica because he used to handle that. And can I just say, from when I first worked at Benfica regularly, I can't tell you what's that is so strange when you see a man in his 40s as he was then he's 56 now what he used to do is you get the eagle to fly around the top it is incredible yeah it's amazing was he there when I went with you yes he was and they have they have a little lectern on the pitch on the on the centre line with the Benfica crest on it and the eagle lands on it and this guy who is dressed in full kit shorts and socks as well.

7:08As the eagle lands on the lectern, he gets on his knees and punches the air. Now, he was fired from Benfica because when he renegotiated his contract, he went to the club and he said, yeah, every bit of merchandise you sell with an eagle on it, I'm going to have to have a cut of that. We're talking about one of the most famous football clubs in the world that have a fucking eagle on their badge. Wow. And he was surprised when they sacked him. He said, seriously, I need a cut of that because I've got some penis surgery coming up. He's been saving for a long time. So anyway, he goes to Lazio and he had a terrible, terrible debut at Lazio.

7:42The debut? He's an eagle. He did or his eagle did. Who was at fault? Oh, well, I think it's a team effort. Okay. You know, leave a co-man behind. Hey, we're not blaming the eagle for any of this. Eagles get a rough time in football in general. That Charlton fan went to jail for trying to punch the Crystal Palace one. Well, that's where this bird

8:00Pete Donaldson: is going to end up next. Well, I was about to say, surely, Palace are the only ones who can save this man. On this debut, essentially, the eagle, now renamed Olympia for Lazio purposes, settled on the top of the Stadio Olimpico because it wasn't used to it. It wasn't the Stadio del Luz and wouldn't come down. So obviously the Roma fans very much enjoyed this. They spent the rest of the season singing where's your pigeon gone, et cetera, et cetera. Didn't they have that banner as well that translated to fuck you and fuck your eagle? Nice and succinct, that, isn't it? Oh, dear. What is it about these right-wing kind of men who all look the same?

8:37Because he looks like Dana White and Joe Rogan. Yeah, yeah. Two very famously right-wing men.

8:42Pete Donaldson: But he said, when defending this, he said, nudity is normal. I grew up in an open-minded naturist family. They sound like a lovely bunch. Open-minded. Which, yeah, which does betray his actions right now, perhaps. But he also said, it was a wonderful operation. I did it to be as fit as I was when I was young. My erection is natural. But with this device, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the timing. Can someone else push it? Well, presumably, Jim. I'd like to think. I love him going, I don't need this, by the way, everyone. Yeah. Yeah. I'm only posting these photos.

9:17Yeah, exactly. It's that energy. I'm only posting these photos, by the way, to get a discount on the surgery, presumably, to advertise it, which is back far because he's lost his job. but it's almost like they used to say that to go into to get a loan from a bank manager you have to go into the bank and claim that you didn't need one it's like that isn't it he's saying I don't need it but I'm just doing it I love the thought of the Pele of Falconers I love the thought of pressing the button he goes from 0 to 60 in like just a second are you telling me though that if Pete Donaldson had a button on him where if you pushed it he'd just suddenly have a stonker you wouldn't be tempted just like bang can you hack the button Pete referred to erections last night on WhatsApp as a honking boner

9:55Pete Donaldson: but maybe because he's such a showman as we know now for you know we live left in no doubt that he's thinking oi you employ me and I'll give your eagle something to land on he's got nowhere left to go that would be something though if the eagle was swooping around he got his old boy out pressed the button and the eagle landed on his chopper you'd be thinking bloody Nora it would be very good something we could all get behind right tonight everybody there's a photo of it fucking hell I'm going to get banned on the leaning tower of pizza you'll have to blur out leaning to the right though Jim

10:35Marcus Speller: I feel like I've seen more post-acoggle press conference clips than any man that's also because he's good value though I do feel for managers a little bit yeah he is but often it's like he's not actually really saying much he's getting annoyed at a question or he's kind of you know grumbling saying mate again you know they talk about how the best people think the best spies are like James Bond and stuff like that, but actually the best spies are what they call the grey man, where you go and get what you want, no one remembers you. That's really how you want to be in this as a manager. You want to be able to get through it.

11:02Pete Donaldson: I thought Bond did pretty well. He did okay, actually. I don't know this grey man, and if he's done anything. That's the beauty of him. You don't know him. Oh, okay. Could be in here now. Andy Grey man, yeah. Yeah, very anonymous. Yeah. Nowadays, thank goodness. Get your double O's out for the lads.

11:19Andy Grey as Bond. That's what we came for. We got there. 40 minutes, we stumbled on it. Great stuff.

11:28Pete Donaldson: Give your golden gun a tweet for the lads. Grey. Fucking Andy Grey. Who, me? Aye, me. Grey. Andy Grey.

11:37Marcus Speller: And he said, I'll tell you what, I want that shaken nostril.

11:44Marcus Speller: And he's got that red button. And I said, give us it here. Will I press it? Yes, I will. And I say terrorist, because that's what he is. He hasn't got a Miss Moneypenny, he's got a Mr. Keys. Richard Keys is doing his gadgets. Yeah, he's Q. He's Q, yeah. Oh, dear. If you teal that pen upside down, the clothes come off. Yes.

12:12A great gadget. It's exactly what I want.

12:17Pete Donaldson: But if I was to put that pen there, Andy. Yeah, there you are. Yeah, yeah. Our official secret act's getting harder to sign, Andrew. Well, anyway. We got what we wanted. We got what we wanted. Oh, dear. Well, quite magnificently, we're going to end with this question. I've not just added this. This was in the running order. Did we answer that previous question about press conferences? I think we had a go.

12:46Marcus Speller: Probably, yeah. If anything, we deflected, which is what they're about now. Indeed. Everyone came to this show today and got what they wanted.

12:55Pete Donaldson: Especially us. Particularly us. Oh, dear. But Ray O'Tofi wants more. Ray O'Tofi. Ray O'Tofi on Blue Sky wants more, who honestly asked us this question, or asked Vish's this question. Which Sean Connery film is Vish's favourite? There we go. Come on. He's not making any more films now. Yeah. Because he can't. He's retired. He retired a while ago, to be fair. Before he, hang on, if I may, before he died, Vish. Yeah.

13:20Marcus Speller: I was going to say he went underground. In a way. Imagine that. Imagine the next James Bond movie. It's Connery. Egg on all our faces. What is your favourite, though? I know what you're going to say. Can I guess? Go on. Are you going to say The Hunt for Red October? Yeah. Correct. Do you know what? I've never seen it. Brilliant movie. Connery is also from, I suppose, a bit before Hunt for Red October. He's done a lot of shit. Oh, yeah. But he's been that kind of length of career.

13:46Pete Donaldson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you who's done a lot of shit, and it goes under the radar is old Samuel L. Jackson. My goodness. He'll do anything, will he? Yeah. Was it Michael Caine who missed picking up his own Oscar because he was filming Jaws 3? So that happens. Well, how about this? Which is the only film that Connery won an Oscar for at the Academy Awards? Can we have a few guesses? Of course. I've got loads of time. So he didn't win any for Dr. Noah Goldeneye. I saw that. Goldfinger. None of them are Bond. Yeah, Goldfinger and Dr. Noah. I'm talking specifically... Which are the two best Bond films that he's in.

14:18And Goldfinger's probably the best Bond film, I would say.

14:20Pete Donaldson: What about you? You only live twice. No. Come on. No. It's a great song, though. It is a great song. It's not a better film than Goldfinger. I just wanted a little sing song. I think because I'm going to try and do a bit of 3D chess here. I'd say this is his best film. I think you're saying this because it's an Indiana Jones film. The Last Crusade? Yeah. Incorrect. He won a BAFTA. The Rock. It is not The Rock. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is definitely one of his best, as is Robin Hood Prince of Thieves on a technicality. Oh, yeah. he's not even named in that I don't think but this one I think I would have this as his best film but I haven't seen The Hunt for Red October so there's no way they're a rock one on Oscar I don't know what I'm talking about Michael Bay it must be okay go on The Untouchables correct yeah do you know why because I got it up in front of me oh that's cheating I didn't google Oscar I just googled Connery movies I'm trying to think of one it's not in the spirit of it yeah eh he's brilliant in no wonder Vish has got all the belts you've got to watch The Hunt for Red October you have to watch it I really should be watching that ahead of the next Melbourne.

15:20We watched that in school, weirdly. Did you? Yeah. Great education. Do you know what? Private school, innit? Probably got him in to reenact it. What did you think of Andy Gray in it? It's not a submarine, is it?

15:34Pete Donaldson: Yeah. When is it? When is it? What about Andy Gray in the medicine man?

15:38Marcus Speller: I've seen it. And I said, take your cow, Paul. And he's looking for October. And there he is on the back post. And he raises a submarine at the back post. He breaches.

15:53Pete Donaldson: Our submarine's getting harder to sink in. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble Mailbag, part of the Acast Creative Network. Take a look at my torpedo. I've turned to Finchie from the office. I'm a similar man. We're back on Monday with Jim. Please do send us your responses to any of that. Opinions, questions. We go all the way back now to the 26th of December. We like to call it Boxing Day. And it was Newcastle United versus Aston Villa. And Newcastle United won the game. But apparently details have emerged that there was a brawl in the tunnel. At half time it all kicked off. Now Aston Villa have been fined£30 ,000 and warned over the incident.

16:34Pete Donaldson: While Newcastle have been fined£20 ,000 after accepting the charges. So yeah, all right, fine. We're guilty. It seemed like it was sort of blown up to our proportions. but from what Eddie Howe said, it looked pretty extensive, the war in the tunnel. Well, the fourth official made some notes, which, as I say, have been aired now since the hearing has been heard. And so it all... A lot of very silly details. A lot of silly details. Apparently, Tindall was at the centre of it. The epicentre. Although he was cleared of any... The warhead. Yeah, he was cleared of any improper charges. So I think it was one of the Villa coaching staff took Umbridge because they were suggesting that he'd been doing a few shushy motions.

17:19Oh, not just a few. But can I just say, I've watched a lot of Jason Tindall at first hand because where you sit at St. James' Park is about three rows behind the bench. Yeah, where the journalists sit. Yes. Where the mainstream media is. Where the mainstream media is. The dead tree media. The legacy media. Yeah, that's why I've got six. so we'll die not be so yeah that's where all the fake news comes from I've seen I've seen a lot of Unai Emery at first hand I've seen a lot of Jason Tindall doing that I've not seen a lot of Unai Emery absolutely losing his shit which apparently he did in the tunnel no he did it on the pitch before he got in the tunnel oh it was already happening he's a very calm man and he was absolutely going out of his mind and that is the Tindall spot oh it's just Teflon Tindall isn't it you can't can't get him for shushing no exactly There's no offence in shushing.

18:14And the Tindal box. Indeed. And the icing on the cake for people who not unreasonably have forgotten it is that Tindal was sent off at half time. Then the next we see of him, he's sort of lurking in the tunnel around the 84th minute. He makes his way back onto the pitch. Because Newcastle were up. They were going to win the game. They were three-near one at that point. He's like, yeah, I'm getting back out of there for the celebration. Shuffling in. Comes onto the pitch at full time wearing a Wham hoodie. there's nothing wrong with that it feels like there is but you can't really no why can't you just wear stupid t-shirts

18:48Pete Donaldson: yeah so after the Brawl of the Town get him a Ramble t-shirt come on it's all kicked off he would as well he would wear it he would wear it the wham hoodie it was it's Christmas it's a Christmas present glorious glorious and I tell you what I'm all in on this I really want to see after Thomas Tuchel wins England the World Cup and all that yeah maybe the next World Cup Cup, Howe and Tindall in charge. Because I tell you what, if we came up against Argentina, they wouldn't know what's hitting them. They'd be like, hang on, he's better at this than us. You know, imagine if we just piss in everybody.

19:21Realistically, I think that Eddie Howe is the mastermind behind all this. I think that Eddie Howe uses Jason Tindall just like Luke uses you on Luke and Pete. Correct, yeah. He winds up my tail and I play the piano.

19:38Pete Donaldson: Yeah, but yeah, no, he's Jack Nicholson in The Departed whereas Tindall is Rowe Winston it's a classic combo yeah maybe he's going to be last Christmas the thing is the way that Villa put that in the report as if it was antagonistic yeah you can tell how much it annoyed yeah but it probably was it probably was of course it was why come out re-emerge to the tunnel where and at that's taking a piss that is how's it taking a piss I can't explain but it just It feels like it is. He's not wearing just a normal black shirt. I absolutely love it. Brilliant. Can't get enough of it. And he wasn't fine personally.

20:20Pete Donaldson: No. Got him over it. All he did was wear a Wham-Haddy. He did exactly what the club tells him to do. If you're going to do it, do it right. Sorry.

20:34Hi, I'm Max Rushton, the host of the Guardian Football Weekly, alongside me, Barry Glenn Denning, my co-host. Hey, Barry. Hello. Now, although every American found us during the World Cup, for the two that didn't, what can they expect? Found us and fell in love with us, Max. They can expect three episodes each week of occasionally insightful analysis covering the Premier League, Champions League, and beyond. Football Weekly is back. Watch on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

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22:35Pete Donaldson: Not everybody agrees with Jurgen Klopp and he also the other thing I would say to Jurgen Klopp is if you don't like the club World Cup don't watch it everybody can do what they want you can play paddle you can go for a swim you can watch something else on TV maybe watch Netflix go for a walk go for a nice meal don't want to watch Chelsea versus Benfica don't watch it it's a free world. Welcome back to the Football Rebel everybody. That was Kaveh Solicle losing his mind after Jürgen Klopp said of the Club World Cup. The Club World Cup is the worst idea ever implemented in football. People who have never had anything to do with day-to-day business are coming up with ideas.

23:14Pete Donaldson: Which I think is a bit over the top. Yeah. A bit strong but fine. He doesn't like it. But then old Kaveh seems to take it very personally. Yeah. He seems to have a genuine attempt at listing every single thing that a person can do there. Yeah. He goes way too far. Yeah. Way too far. He takes it really, really personally. Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? And also, it's quite a childlike take, isn't it? Because if you don't watch it, it's still happening. And it's still having all the negative effects that Jurgen Klopp is talking about. And also, he's obviously not watching it, is he? And it's also completely ignorant of the fact, from Carve Solikol's point of view, that Jurgen Klopp is probably responding to a question he's been asked by someone exactly like Carve Solikol, after a quote.

23:53It always sounds like he's reading an eye test, that bloke. Yeah. they're a strange breed these guys they are they speak like they speak like no other human being speaks in real life it's a really weird thing

24:06Pete Donaldson: I love the fact when because Klopp famously said when he was going to retire he was going to take it easy he went oh I'm going to play paddle like you know the game that's taken the world by storm and he's often on Instagram like posting about it and so on and that's one of the things he says you can you know he says you can play paddle you know it's like yeah up yours Jürgen you can do that I remember you talking about paddle and I'm going to reference it now. Exactly. We should say thanks to friend... You're back on football, have you? Yeah. Well, thanks to friend of the Ramble Mark for sending us that clear.

24:33There is an angle here, isn't there, that like Jürgen Klopp holds himself up as being this guy fighting for all that's good and proper in football and all the right things, yet he takes the job as head of global football operations at Red Bull, right? But I don't think Carvey Solokhal, based on that, is the man to deliver that stinging rebuke.

24:47Pete Donaldson: I mean, if he really wanted to get under the skin of Jürgen Klopp, he could have said, well, what do you think of RB Salzburg being there? Gone down that road. He did say that later on. He seemed to think it was some sort of gotcha. Oh, that's right. Klopp had forgotten that he's involved with them. But the problem is it's only a gotcha if he's not spent the first three or four minutes of that whole spot acting like an absolute fucking prat. Right, everybody. Let's talk about the Club World Cup. The round of 16 is underway and PSG put into Miami to the sword. 4-0. All the four goals were scored before half-time.

25:21And Lionel Messi's out, Jim? He is. There was something weird, wasn't there, about seeing him, Luis Suarez, Sergio Busquets and Jordi Albert in particular having this type of performance inflicted on them. Because we were so used to seeing that great Barcelona team do this to like more teams than not realistically when they're at their absolute peak. Maybe they could retire. Maybe they could play a different sport. Yeah. They could have a toasty. There's so many things you can do. Imagine if Carvey saw a cold Lose his mind in Tone Every single interview He does now He just says that He says that to people

25:59Pete Donaldson: He could take advantage Of the summer sales Yeah What are you up to this weekend? Have you considered An aquarium?

26:10Pete Donaldson: Dunking a rich tea Not in the aquarium I'd be unhygienic Yeah It did go in No it did and it made the difference former Noddington Forest player and manager Frankie Clark it was great to see him go on Forrest Frankie Clark on TNT Sports he said they are on the verge of something special and they are they absolutely are wasn't he fired as an ambassador like a couple of years ago that does ring a bell get him back yeah well depends what he's fired for well yeah I was going to say have you done some googling Pete so let's get him on TNT Sports more and see if he gets fired if TNT haven't done their doggies why should we have to to be quiet just get him on that's right we pushed a man in a canal I mean City could you get cancelled for that well it depends on what it is most canals are waist high aren't they that's a good point I think it does depend on what it is I think it's more if you get any water in your mouth I suppose Jim was furthering a canal once that does not surprise me is his finger healed yet I think the little bandage is coming off lovely stuff I'm just saying if you said if you were a producer and you've got Frank Clark on as a guest and he's about to go live off the break someone says oh he's been cancelled what's it for if he pushed a man in the canal I mean CJ DeMu from Eggheads did that and the guy died that was bad that's what he said that's what he said but then the Amsterdam authorities couldn't find anyone in the canal under all the bikes if it was a sunny day and you were joshing with a mate and you nudged him into the canal and it was fine and it was you know Harold fellow well met exactly but you're not going to get cancelled of the kind of hijinks you get up to I'm just saying an 81 year old man from County Durham is getting cancelled on the telly

27:45Marcus Speller: that's how's the googling going he did mean to push him No, he was sacked Go on He was sacked as part of the takeover from the Kuwaiti owners So they got rid of the chief executive So it wasn't No Yeah, got rid of a lot of people And the club ambassador for some reason Is there a canal subtext?

28:05Pete Donaldson: You never got You're dragging the good name Frankie Clark through the canal here I never said he got cancelled I just said that he got fired from his ambassadorial position Oh, right Yeah, we added a bit around the edges Seeing Frank Clark Seeing Frank Clark in the city ground in the sunshine on a presumably Saturday. I can't remember what day it was on. With his hands clean. With his hands clean of canal water. Yeah. It was a beautiful, there's that lovely bit of your heart that's dedicated to nostalgia. Peter, it is rare when I defer to someone else for an impression, but your Frank Clark impression, please.

28:40Pete Donaldson: I'll fucking do it again, Luke. That was just generic. Yeah. It was Joddy, innit? Yeah, but you know you can do it better.

28:48Marcus Speller: When we do it, it's unacceptable, but you're allowed to do it, isn't it? Yeah, exactly, yeah. Would you be frightened if you walked past the canal on the way home later and Frank Clark just emerged like Martin Sheen in the pocket of snail and his moustache is back, but it's algae from the canal? Yes, please. Let that mention. Well, it's at the stadium next to the Trent, isn't it? Exactly. The big old canal is bigger than the canal. Coming out of Hooters, push you in the canal, lovely. Coming out of where? Hooters. Can I give Frank Clark a bit of credit after we've just really besmirched his reputation?

29:16Frank Clark loves Hooters. That's what I'm hearing. That's what I'm hearing. And he goes in stinking of canal water. Dirty, oh, Franklin. Cancelled. Cancelled for being in Hooters. What's he done? Just stinks. And if you don't give him a discount,

29:30Pete Donaldson: he'll chuck you in the canal. I could hear his shoes squelching. Like Anton Chigurh from fucking No Country for Old Men. No, the chicken special, lovely. Just come out the trench. What does chicken like? All right, I'll sit near the toilet fine. Oh, dear. He's a fine man. I've got a scum. It was good to see him. It was lovely to see him. It was. It was like Tressey Island jammed with pogs. That's how lovely and nostalgic that was. I was going to say, it seems entirely pointless now. Right. But I was actually going to make a point. It's still a full on deaf ears. I've got hepatitis. People aren't bothered.

30:10People aren't bothered. But he's... He's cut his leg in a bit of metal. I've got all kinds of worms in me body.

30:21What's your point, Luke? The Forest defended well. No. It was just that, you know, when managers leave clubs in the big world, like Ferguson leaves United, Wenger leaves Arsenal. I remember that. Clough leaves Forest, right? Massive figure. Massive. And I think they were relegated, weren't they? And Frank Clark comes in and gets promoted again. And he could have had any excuse in the world to be terrible. Look at the managers that followed Wenger. Look at the managers that followed Ferguson. Clark's done all right.

30:43Pete Donaldson: But that doesn't excuse his behaviour. And he's done it. And he's done it. Doesn't excuse what he did in that canal. By spending half his week submerged. He's not even on the trainer again after weeks. He's like one of those well-preserved bodies you see in a peat bog. But he will try and drag you down with him. Frank Clark in a peat bog. And he still got promoted out of the old First Division.

31:07Marcus Speller: He got promoted back into the Premier League while having gills. Poor old Frankie. They can't let him turn up to a Champions League game like that next season, can they? What a celebration of a win over Man City. You know, people were wondering whether they were running out of steam. But they channelled Frank Clark and they've beaten Man City.

31:26Pete Donaldson: What a victory that is, I tell you. FIFA are offering fans the guaranteed chance to buy tickets to the 2026 World Cup final. This is big. Yes. All you've got to do, everybody. I know people think, bloody hell. I'd do anything for World Cup tickets. Right. but are you going to take a leaf out of Meatloaf's book? Because will you do this? You've got to buy 20 tickets for this summer's Club World Cup. You can get access to any other 2026 World Cup match if you want. Not the final, but you still have to buy a standard ticket pack for two or three Club World Cup matches. Bish, do you know what a timeshare is?

32:02Are you aware of a Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme? Sir Alan Stanford. would you be interested in giving all the money you have to be given what's almost certainly going to be a dead rubber group game in the 2026 World Cup because the people have already said I think they've already said you can't choose which one it is you know the

32:21Marcus Speller: if you if you drew so like you buy 20 tickets you get a chance 20 of the bastards if you literally drew that flow chart out on a piece of paper it is a fucking pyramid yes but 20 tickets though

32:33Pete Donaldson: it's not just you buy tickets you're in the hat you know you've got preference all that There's only 22 separate match dates in the whole tournament. I mean, Luke. So 19 friends? Have I got 19 friends? 20 different friends. By the way, it's being played across three countries. Yeah, get Robbie Earle on it. Lovely throwback there, Jim. As Luke alluded to then, FIFA choose in its sole discretion which World Cup match you then attend in the tournament. And FIFA choosing which game you go to, regardless of your nationality is so illustrative of how soulless their approach is to their own tournament, their own reason for being.

33:15They don't get it, do they? The Club World Cup is actually only been playing in the United States, isn't it? But that is technically the size of three different countries. There's a lot of travel involved.

33:23Marcus Speller: Yeah, and also, as Jim was saying there, they're not even considering the nationality of the ticket holders. And from what I understand, it's fine to be any nationality and head into America. Well, it's just because you don't want to get out.

33:34Pete Donaldson: Yeah, don't worry about it. basically what I'm saying is you're better off getting it from a resale website and paying it through the nose to watch a World Cup match of your choice when it comes around. That's how daft this whole bleeding thing is.

33:45Marcus Speller: It's basically impossible because if you went, say, a game on the second match day, you'd have to, so, like, you'd have to choose between doing multiples of these. Cincinnati, LA, New York, Seattle. Well, they're about an hour drive from each other. Basically, yeah. It really... Imagine being in New York. Is anyone, You're not going to the Seattle game later on, are you? I am, yeah, just jump in. Let's go across the fucking country. There's a direct train there, just leaving in 10 minutes. Do you know how much Yahoo Sports are reporting that the super ticket pack costs$2 ,600? It really feels like chat GPT coming with this.

34:21That's before travel. Yeah, it's before travel. And then we'll decide which World Cup game you go to. Panama versus Guinea. Both teams are already out in the group stage.

34:30Pete Donaldson: It's so shit. It's such a big pile of wackness. you know one of the worst games

34:37Marcus Speller: as well to go to a World Cup is the last group game featuring England yeah it's so often no the second group game on the Southgate was the worst one but I take the point yeah

34:50Pete Donaldson: words fail me I mean how do they keep getting worse you guys can't tell me you guys can't tell me that you wouldn't pay $2 ,600 to watch Intel Miami vs Al Ackley there you go at the Hard Rock Stadium in South Florida yeah take a month off your life with a very early start the next day I know yeah that's it so you'd be jet lagged and all sorts Gianni O 'Fantino is clearly the head of an operation where he has an idea no one says anything and he just carries on with it it's remarkable how he's not even considered that you know people have jobs it's just wild I think if you worked at FIFA you might look around and think no one has jobs no but you can see wherever you want to go because it's obviously a very transparent office that's right that's made of glass isn't it to be transparent everywhere looks nearby yeah it does we have to move on yeah with our lives the Champions League final fair to say we got it wrong

35:46Pete Donaldson: Paris Saint-Germain five international no I'm going to call them Inter Milan and disrespect them can I just say fine if we got it wrong Inter got it very wrong they got it more wrong I mean they got it way more wrong their name is ultimately international yeah that wasn't that wasn't a performance befitting the planet, was it? I'd like to have seen them get back into the game at some point. Well, in the same way that Inter haven't been behind that much this season and they clearly aren't very used to dealing with it. Yes. The football ramble, we're always right. Yes, that's true. So to be wrong means that we can't get back into the game easily.

36:21That cannot be our tagline. We're always right. There's quite a lot of evidence. There's quite a lot of evidence over the years that that cannot be our tagline. They're all in replies to our tweets and socials. Delete them.

36:32Pete Donaldson: This was the biggest winning margin in any Champions League or European Cup final. 5-0. I mean, perhaps some older listeners will remember, as I do, AC Milan beating Barcelona 4-0. And I remember... Capello's Milan. Capello's Milan, who were shy of scoring goals in the league often, but they saved it all for that final. And I can remember at the end of that, or towards the end of that game, when Marcel Desailles gallops through and slots home the fourth. And even as a young lad... He was a bit of a time, wasn't he? He was. even as a young lad I was thinking that was like a proper sort of stop hitting yourself kind of moment this I would even say it was a different level to that it also informed the Jamie Carragher comments at half time in Istanbul he said he's a big student of European football he loves it and he said and obviously he came out of international retirement because he wanted to play under Capella which then became quite disappointing apparently but he said he was saying at half time if you give me 3-0 now I'll take it because I don't want to break that record.

37:29I don't want to be a part of that because it means too much to me kind of thing. So it's very much, has been broken now, just a mere 31 years later.

37:37Pete Donaldson: Do you think that's why the referee, when they got the fifth, the referee thought, oh, that's fine, no injury time. I rated that. Yeah, yeah. I rated that. That's a very Italian thing, of course, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, because after the third goal in particular, there's a lot of shots of the Inter fans, obviously, and they look absolutely bereft. It's very clear it's only going one way. It's almost certainly going to get worse, but they're all going to stick around because you have to. You've got to clap your team. Yeah, absolutely. What must that feel like? Oh, mate, honestly. The only thing I can compare it to is it must be like watching someone beat up your dad.

38:08Do you know what I mean? There's such a painfully emotional thing.

38:13Pete Donaldson: Yeah, someone pathetic beating up your dad. Or you getting beaten up yourself but in front of a giant mirror. Yeah. That would be awful. Falling over style in a country kind of setting. Yeah. Oh, you were my protector and now you've just fallen over a style. You've got your foot in a puddle. I think if someone had said to me, right, you can become an inter-player right now and you've got your career in football. I'm like, nah, I'm all right as I am. I wish it was that bad. A cherby was 37 before the game, but I read this morning that he's actually 52 now. That's a shame. They all age you. It's taken its toll.

38:46It was horrendous. Man City beat Watford 6-0 in the FA Cup final in 2019. Other than that, I can't think of any final that's been as, you know, one side is. You've got the Brazil-Germany semi. Yeah, I mean, that's the sort of conversation you're having now, isn't it? Jim's point still stands. Yeah. I mean, finals are different. Yeah, but I'm just adding a little bit of context. Although, weirdly, Cruises all beat Vancouver Whitecaps 5-0 in the CONCACAF Champions Cup yesterday. So that is a bit of a shell and lightning strike. Not as big. Two 5-0s in finals is rare, though, right? I think that's quite, I think that's noteworthy.

39:17Yeah, but unless you can name a player, it's not as big. Can't name a single player, it doesn't matter. Peter Beardsley. Exactly.

39:23Pete Donaldson: Peter Beardsley. The 18 confirmed title winners from UEFA's top 20 leagues in 2025. Bloody hell. This is decided by UEFA's association club coefficient. The Norwegian and Swedish league is still being played, so they're not included yet. So there are 18 answers out of the 20 leagues. So the confirmed title winners are from all of the big boys and some of the smaller ones. Marcus is first right Marcus I'll have Liverpool please There'll be a good few rounds there It's time Well done mate Right I need to be tactical here And get ones that I think Vish has already got written down We've got to work together Because if we want to take this To a tiebreaker We've got to take them down There's no shame in that No shame at all I feel like the Lib Dems again

40:12Marcus Speller: You've then got to decide Which of you is going to End up going through To the tiebreak PSG

40:16Pete Donaldson: Yeah Yeah. Correct.

40:19Marcus Speller: I'd like to see Vish scrub an answer out.

40:21Pete Donaldson: Yep. Yeah. Good to see. Bayern München. Yeah. Suddenly good. Suddenly thin on ideas now. Right. Tactical. Tactical. Tactical. What is UEFA's association club coefficient? That's what you're up to thinking. Barcelona. Barcelona.

40:42Marcus Speller: Those are all the good ones aren't they?

40:44Pete Donaldson: Yeah. The main ones. I'm genuinely struggling now. I really am. I'm struggling to think who are the top 20 leagues? I've got a good idea. You think about it, probably the big side in there. It's Torres to give Chelsea a place in the Champions League final. Come on. Sanfica? You've got to guess one of them, haven't you? Yes! Marcus, that's massive for us. That is unlucky. That's massive, come on. That is unlucky. PSV Eindhoven. Come on. That was my last answer. Yeah, nice. Correct. Celtic Celtic Celtic come on get out Vish get out now it's definitely

41:26Marcus Speller: going to be a tiebreaker only one of you can enter the tiebreaker it doesn't matter we killed the end level boss right now we're against each other we'll have a little wank together now

41:35Pete Donaldson: I can't believe I didn't think of Celtic but anyway you're a good old fashion rangers man that's why you won't observe it I'm not a rangers man well there's time Luke's eaten into here for an ally Pete doesn't care. Pete's surfing his head. What are you doing? Marcus. Oh, yeah. Shit.

41:57Pete Donaldson: Who wins leagues? That's a good question. That's what you should be asking. I know you've got leagues. You've got a muggy little answer. I haven't got one. I haven't got one. Come on. I haven't got one. It's Torres to give chance. I'll go for RB Salzburg. I was going to do that. I'm pleased I didn't know by the look of those fingers going. By the sounds of it, yeah. Big point for you now. Get yourself into a tie-break situation. This is a... Oh, by the way, if we go two rounds and not getting one, neither of us get a point and Vish wins anyway, right? Oh, my God. Fuck! That is perilous. You got too excited too early, didn't you?

42:35Marcus Speller: You might press the button, Luke. Oh, fucking hell.

42:38Pete Donaldson: Oh, shitting hell. P! No, you can't. You've got to win with three. It's Torres to give Chelsea... I've got nothing. Shakhtar. Young boys. Come on. Please. They're not in there. You've got to go around one more time. You've got to go around one more time. You've got to go around one more time. Okay, okay. Come on, Marcus. You've already said one. Do it. All right. I don't know if it's right or not, but you've already said one. Shakhtar. Stopping shit. That's on me. Or Vish wins the title. This is tense. No. No. Oi. I can't believe I've just thought of a banker. Oi. Really? No. You haven't ever.

43:20Pete Donaldson: The video will observe. Play it. Jacorum. No, he just mouthed it. He did it. He did it. He did it. Did he mouth it? He mouthed it. He mouthed it. I never mouthed anything. He mouthed it. Check the tips. Check the tips. Don't start that. I've got a guess now. I've got a guess. This is like an argument on. Did you see what he mouthed? No, because he mouthed it the other way. This is like an argument on Christmas Day. Luke, on Christmas Day. Galatasaray. What? Man of God, Marcus Speller, did you mouth Galatasaray to Luma? Whatever I did, he didn't get it. Right. Is it right? Yes! All right. He's back in!

43:56That's a good one. He's done it. I'm a little bit stressed right now. I don't mind admitting. I might pull up and bring a new referee in. Regardless of what happened, Marcus has sacrificed himself. Exactly, yeah. This is a very noble thing to do. Christian thing to do, yeah. So basically, you have to think that I got that answer right or Marcus sacrificed himself for me. Either way, it's a beautiful story. Carry on. What a beautiful story.

44:14Marcus Speller: Astonishing, then. Right. Absolutely astonishing.

44:20Pete Donaldson: Thanks for listening to part two of the best of the football ramble. If you enjoyed this past season with us, then please leave us a five-star review on Apple, Spotify, or whatever podcast platform you're listening on. It makes a massive difference for us and helps new listeners find the ramble. Myself, Luke and Pete are back tomorrow for a special Luke's game, so make sure you join us for that. See you soon.

44:47The Football Ramble is a stacked production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

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