Best of the Football Ramble 2025: Part 1

0:00Hello Ramblers, Merry Christmas to you all, and Merry Christmas Perineum. It's that wonderful time where we all take stock of the year, the good parts and the not-so-good parts. At the Football Ramble, we're no different. After all, 2025 gave us so much. The Club World Cup, Ian Rush's AI musical, and Juan Benabe's penis. In the next two episodes, we're reliving some of our favourite moments and stories from the past 12 months. We begin with one very angry man at Manchester United, all the way back in January.

0:48Yeah, no wonder Amorim's so angry. Did you hear he reportedly smashed a TV in the Old Trafford dressing room while bollocking the team after their 3-1 loss to Brighton last Sunday? What were they watching? The funniest thing about this is the fact that they turned on Happy Days. You're snowman. It's even like me in the night garden for the four million. yeah same it's funny to me that we even know about this because it just shows the leak is still there literally happened in the dressing room also probably you should come in on this it's not as impressive these days smashing a telly as it would be saying in the 80s is it the implosion of a cathode ray tube is way more satisfying that dust smashing out of it much bulkier they're much more expensive so it's more of a statement I've cut my hand on some polarising film not going to happen is it Ruben if you smash the TV now obviously flat screen blah blah blah you wouldn't get the sort of Well, it's not glass, is it?

1:36It's not the explosive. You know when a TV... It's just going to go... Yeah, it wouldn't go... Boom. It was a boom sound. When you see toxic men punching their telly after an NFL loss or something, you'll get green lines down the screen, maybe a white patch where the impact and the whole screen will just sort of go... But what are the toxins released? Well, you see them on sale for Facebook Marketplace. You're like, would you want to buy my telly for like 100 quid? It's a bit smashed, but you can see most of the screen. I'll tell you what, nobody wants this. I reckon Sir Jim Radcliffe's trying to sell that telly.

2:07This is the TV Ameren. Insurance. I reckon Ruben Ameren will get a formal warning as an employee because now Jim Radcliffe's going to have to buy another telly. Or I wouldn't be surprised, actually, their season goes even more downhill because they haven't got a TV to watch any tape on now because Radcliffe won't replace it. Get one of these cello ones. It's the only television made and assembled in the UK. They're very cheap on Amazon. Good recommendation from Pete. Have a bit of that. Oi, what? Don't punch it. Have a bit of that. It's actually flickering when you do that. Look what happens. Yeah, stop doing it.

2:39No. Never. Oi, one more. The room and that room of the ramble. Check it out the windy. Yeah. Yeah, well, with regards to the cuts and Sir Jim Ratcliffe getting his thrills over that. Getting his cheapies. Cheapies. Literally cheap, isn't it? It's cheapies. It makes sense. I should have gone with it. The club are continuing to cut salaries of legends into ambassadorial roles. Brian Robson, Dennis Irwin and Andy Cole. have had their income cut for match day ambassadorial duties. Robson can't afford a full suit. Bless him. He's saving up for the trails, isn't he? Bless him. Come on, boss, I'm still wearing my middles for shorts.

3:14Oh, dear. I have seen Dennis Irwin and Andy Cole, of course, in their ambassadorial roles. Dennis Irwin earned his money that day. Did he? Yeah, I bet. Some of them aren't very good. Hence I only named Dennis Irwin. It's a confusing role because essentially you're just being asked to be yourself. so if you're Ray Parler that's fine if you're Andy Cole who used to get mocked pretty much every week on Fantasy Football League for looking like he'd been switched off at the mains every time he stopped answering a question I don't think it's a great way you see your money I think you should walk around in a leather jacket and carrying an AK-47 like he did in that photo shoot for Pepsi good idea that would be if he walked into the office like that and went come on then Jim you're going to cut my wages when I'm handling a dangerous weapon.

4:01That's a replica. That's what I'd be saying straight away. Jim Ratcliffe knows a replica when he sees one. He probably does. He famously makes replica Range Rovers. He does. He fell out with his boating lot as well. He fell out with his boating team. Why? He's got a famous 2012 boating man and he wanted to win this famous boat. Yes. Ben Ainsley. Fell out with Ben Ainsley and he wanted to win the America's Cup. Win the America's Cup. I have to translate. You carry on. I'll translate. Man, boat, sea. Less soliders from fishing. Marcus, rich men have fallen out. Marcus, you fell out with his boating man.

4:31Boating lock. Why did he fall out with his boating man? Oh, something about a sail, probably. It was windy, Jim. They both fell over. It was just, it was shocking. He smashed a telly on the board. Apparently Anthony fell out of the boat as well. Didn't hit the water. It was on the shore. Right, what else? Amadiyalo, he was seen in a training jacket with a Man United badge printed the wrong way out. Yes, a bit of DH gear. Love it. It was revealed this week that the Glazers stopped Manchester United from visiting the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, which the Glazers also own while on a pre-season tour of the US, because there might have been a mutiny when they saw how nice their facilities were.

5:10I mean... It's such a showing show. It's like a water machine. It's like a flat screen telly. This is carpeted. Ruben Amarim's punching the telly. I know he wasn't there. Ruben's going to have to have prison tech, see-through computers and stuff. Just Bruno Fernandes like looking a sconce at like an air conditioning remote. What? What is this? So then, let's try and unpick the nonsense. Do the Inter Miami bit. That's the best bit. The Inter Miami bit is the best bit. I actually disagree. Well, Jim, why don't you do your best bit? My favourite bit is that Juventus are in there. They last won the Champions League in 1996.

5:53So I saw that and I'm looking at that thinking, how have they got in there? So I did a little bit of research on that. Juventus earned their place at the FIFA Club World Cup via the UEFA ranking pathway. Their consistent participation in the UEFA Champions League in a four-year qualifying period, 2020 to 2024, in which they reached the last 16 twice. And surely they qualified for the tournament that we played in the USA. I think what's happened here is FIFA are historically an awful organisation full of maniacs prone to corruption and the game just recognises game. so apparently you can't have more than two teams per country just why Barcelona are not in it so Real Madrid because they won in that qualifying period between 2020 and 2024 they won the Champions League and then according to the UEFA coefficient stuff that Atletico Madrid were ranked higher so they got in much to Barcelona's glee I'm sure for missing out so that's why you've got two sides Chelsea and Man City of course won in that time I find it intriguing that Red Bull Salzburg are in there they qualified as UEFA's 8th best team across the qualifying period, bearing in mind you can only have two teams.

6:58It's nice to have a Red Bull in there, isn't it? I think that is... You might have touched on something there, Jim. But going to North America, into Miami's qualification also proved confusing. I think it's fair to say. That's a very generous point. This one is so good. So they did not win a CONCACAF Champions League title. Instead, FIFA designated one of the 32 slots to a team from the host nation. and Miami secured it by having the best record in the 2024 MLS regular season. This was decided after Inter Miami finished the 2024 regular season with the best record, but before the playoffs. The playoffs being the crucial bit and they were knocked out in the first round of the playoffs.

7:40So they very much were waiting and then they got in there quickly and yes, you've got Lionel Messi. We will need him for this tournament to get bums on seats and broadcasters in the midst. Well done for finding something. but it's not even worth making that up it's just not worth it yeah I mean how are we sort of feeling about it as a spectacle because obviously it's ridiculous but it's so ridiculous yeah I'm looking at this it's proper razzle dazzle isn't it stupid end of the season everyone's injured and tired they're going to win this over aren't they they're going to win this over of course they are we need content yeah we do I'm delighted I can't believe my luck that this is happening without this we're basically down to Marcus's impressions Pete's dreams Pete's dreams It's actually his partner's dream.

8:22Did you want to elaborate on that, by the way? You don't want to see my dreams. I really do. Pete told me once that whenever he occasionally gets a lucid dream, all he does... You did say this, Pete. I did say this. Did he say it on mic? Yeah, I think he did. All he does is just try and have sex with the nearest thing that's around. Thing. Thing. Not wrong with that. Not in your dream. Specifically, not in your dream. It'd be a more personal thing to reveal. Subconscious. I've done worse on looking paid show do you want to elaborate further on Sarah's dream or not no apparently you were flirting with Sarah in her dream and she did say you don't seem the sort of person who would do that sort of thing there we are and you're not are you no absolutely not but in the dream world that's where I really come alive well Panini have released a new sticker album for the Club World Cup it never ends it never ends but the great news is there is a collectible gold sticker of Gianni Fentino just ghost bullshit get it on the dark board get it on the dark board I could not want it more now I want it more I had no interest in the in the sticker album but good god I want that it's just sensational I am not someone I hate bring back sit bladder I hate littering I hate littering it takes every fibre of my being when I see someone littering to stop to not stop them and say can you pick that up excuse me but if everyone citizens arrest like David Sedaris like when you tried the citizen arrest Tony Blair that time Marcus remember oh dear was it a cafe or something it was a restaurant I think oh amazing amazing sorry it was Marcus yeah it was a bacon boy I was doing it on behalf of Gordon Brown though but if you get a sticker of Gianni Infantino just throw it in the nearest river do you think so yeah right it's presumably A4 that sticker the size of a page yeah and he's got his old chap out and he's stroking it it's one of those ones where you know those stickers you got back in the day where they change when you move them I don't know it's like one of those but he's masturbating all over the Club World Cup trophy in that little key.

10:20That's why it's got a hole in the middle. I'm only joking by the way, don't litter. I'm not joking about the wanking. Don't litter. It was awful. It was awful. I'm trying to help you. I think we all feel terrible for him. He's not going to win the Golden Glove two seasons in a row like David Ray has. Yes. He's fighting back. Yes. That's it. Johnny 22. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't help when the BBC, and I appreciate why they do this, because a lot of people are Googling him, but when the BBC are like, what a terrible performance from Kieran's liquor. But what else do we know about the seventh choice Scotland goalkeeper?

11:00Because it looks like, right, let's go through his bins. Well, Clark said he was seeking to draft in another goalkeeper in Scotland who's not on holiday. Yes. They've called up free agent Ross Doohan and Bournemouth's 18-year-old Callan McKenna. So there you go. So they are in a bit of bother. It's only a friendly. I mean, so I was at a mate's 40th, funnily enough, on the day of this game. And I was talking to two Aberdonians who were as pleased as punch with their lot because they'd obviously not long witnessed Aberdeen win the Scottish Cup. One of them missed his flight back to London, so I had to turn up on the Monday.

11:42Sorry, wife and children. He said when he missed his flight from Edinburgh, and got the boss back up to Aberdeen so he could have more of a jolly up. But anyway, I assume you meant work then. One of them was saying to me, he's had a great year, if you like, that he said, I saw Scotland score a goal and get a point at the Euros against Switzerland. And I've seen Aberdeen, his team, obviously winning the Scottish Cup for the first time since 1990. And I started trying to make the case for Scotland potentially getting that first round exit. hoodoo off their back. You have a wild weekend. Monkey off their back.

12:19You have the wildest weekend. And what did you do, Jim? I took my mum to Kew Gardens. Is there a better sun in this room? Doubt it. I'm actually... She might be terribly allergic to some of the flowers. Is there flowers there at Kew Gardens? No, there's not. There's loads of flowers. Yeah, it would be a terrible garden. That would have been a really cool thing to do, wouldn't it? You'd have been stung by me. Mum, do you want to go to the bleak garden without any flowers? I actually have a year pass at Kew Gardens. It's a marvellous spot. Really? You've got a Kew Gardens black card He's the king of Surrey He can eat any flower Doors open up to you when you're the king of Surrey Does Kew Gardens have one of those Like naughty poison gardens That some places have There's a carnivorous garden Is there a carnivorous garden?

13:00Yeah, there's loads of Venus flytraps in it and stuff That's why you're talking horrible tubular plants No, I'm talking about like sometimes Does it have flowers? Does it have flowers that can kill you? Sometimes in gardens There'll be like a section That's all sort of like Full of poisonous plants Yeah, like Venus flytraps Laburnums Fox gloves Fox gloves yeah We've got a lot of fox gloves Very exotic Imagine you going to Cougar I've come for the sexy flowery You're not welcome back Reminds me of a boy I saw Who I hadn't seen From school About five years after We left school I saw him in the library In Hartlepool And he went to the desk He went Have you got any books on disasters?

13:41Same energy for me Where are the naughty flowers? I don't want just blimps. It's always blimps. I want to see blimps smashing into the ground. I want to see Goodyear, the logo, up in flames. Disasters. Well, anyway. I was trying to suggest that if Scotland managed to qualify for the World Cup next year, be in the 48 team tournament, being that it's... 48? Yeah, I know. being the fact that you know the eight third best teams in the groups also go through I'm like they could genuinely like actually you know find themselves a knockout and as I was trying to genuinely go out in the last 32 they were the last 32 that doesn't sound right oh man I was trying to say this to them and they were both just with me not having it and he just picked up his phone and I hadn't seen the result of this and he just held up his phone with the result I went that's and I went oh yeah sorry I don't know if Scott McTominay I can dig you out of that.

14:52Not everybody agrees with Jurgen Klopp. And also, the other thing I would say to Jurgen Klopp is, if you don't like the Club World Cup, don't watch it. Everybody can do what they want. You can play paddle. You can go for a swim. You can watch something else on TV. Maybe watch Netflix. Go for a walk. Go for a nice meal. If you don't want to watch Chelsea versus Benfica, don't watch it. It's a free world. Welcome back to the Football Rebel, everybody. That was Carve Solichel losing his mind after Jurgen Klopp said of the Club World Cup, the Club World Cup is the worst idea ever implemented in football.

15:26People who have never had anything to do with day-to-day business are coming up with ideas, which I think is a bit over the top. Yeah. A bit strong, but fine. He doesn't like it. But then old Carve seems to take it very personally. Yeah, and he seems to have a genuine attempt at listing every single thing that a person can do there. Yeah. Like, he goes way too far. Yeah. Way too far. He takes it really, really personally. Yeah, it's strange, isn't it? And also, it's quite a childlike take, isn't it? Because if you don't watch it, it's still happening. Yeah. And it's still having all the negative effects that Jurgen Klopp is talking about.

15:57And also, he's obviously not watching it, is he? And it's also completely ignorant of the fact, from Carve Solicol's point of view, that Jurgen Klopp is probably responding to a question he's been asked by someone exactly like Carve Solicol, who, after a quote, Always sounds like he's reading an eye test, that bloke. Yeah. They're a strange breed, these guys. They are. They speak like no other human being speaks in real life. It's a really weird thing. I love the fact when, because Klopp famously said when he was going to retire, he was going to take it easy. He went, oh, I'm going to play paddle.

16:29You know, the game that's taken the world by storm. And he's often on Instagram, like, posting about it. And that's one of the things he says. You can, you know, he says, you can play paddle. You know, it's like, yeah, up yours, Jürgen. You can do that. I remember you talking about paddle, and I'm going to reference it now. Exactly. We should say thanks to friend... You're back on football, have you? Yeah. Well, thanks to friend of the Ramble Mark for sending us that clip. There is an angle here, isn't there, that Jürgen Klopp holds himself up as being this guy fighting for all that's good and proper in football and all the right things, yet he takes the job as head of global football operations at Red Bull, right?

17:01But I don't think Carvey Solokhal, based on that, is the man to deliver that stinging rebuke. I mean, if he really wanted to get under the skin of Jürgen Klopp, he could have said, well what do you think of RB Salzburg being there? He'd gone down that road. He did say that later on. He seemed to think it was some sort of gotcha. Oh that's right. The club had forgotten that he's involved with them. But the problem is it's only a gotcha if he's not spent the first three or four minutes of that whole spot acting like an absolute fucking prat. Well again, thanks to Friend of the Ravel Mark for sending us that clip.

17:28If you fancy sending us a clip for next week's show well you're in luck. Just sign up to our Patreon. Right everybody, let's talk about the Club World Cup. The round of 16 is underway and PSG put into Miami to the sword. 4-0. All the four goals were scored before half-time. And Lionel Messi's out, Jim. He is. There was something weird, wasn't there, about seeing him, Luis Suarez, Sergio Busquets and Jordi Alba in particular having this type of performance inflicted on them. Because we were so used to seeing that great Barcelona team do this to more teams than not, realistically, when they're at their absolute peak.

18:05maybe they could retire maybe they could play a different sport yeah they could have a toasty yeah there's so many things you can do imagine if Carvey Sonicol was like losing his mind in Tony every single interview he does now he just says that he says that to people he could take advantage of the summer sales yeah what are you up to this weekend have you considered an aquarium

18:35Dunking a rich tea Not in the aquarium I'd be unhygienic

18:434-0 though Big win Big win For those who watched it I mean Lionel Messi Was all of us Wasn't he in this game At one point He tried to punch for tea We've all been through That emotion Watching PSG Oh bollocks Yes why are we talking About Lazio's Eagle handler Well, because he's now more of a penis handler. What an intro. Yes. I'll tell you what. This well-storied football club in Italy have fired Juan Benabe, the Spanish falconer who handles the team's eagle. This decision was made after Benabe underwent penile implant surgery, which was, of course, as it sounds, a knob enlargement. I'm not sure it is, actually.

19:29I think it's a little pump to aid with stiffness. Yeah, which... To aid with tumescence. Yes. Marcus. To achieve full tumescence among men of a certain age. Yeah. I haven't heard you say that for ages. There's a lot of stories that break in football throughout the season here on the Ramble that we are very happy to talk about. There's not been one better than this. Nope. I've never known Pete Donaldson so gutted before. before. He was being not on the roster for the day. He keeps going, they went in through the stomach. I can't stop thinking about him. Oh, the Lazio. It's not his accent. But you get what you get.

20:09But they fired him not because he had the surgery. It's because he shared the results on social media. Marcus, if I may quote from the story. Please, please, please. Bernabe posted photos of his newly fitted penis from all angles. All angles. Can I just say, this is the most Lazio thing ever. You want to do a fascist salute? Fine. You want to be far right? Fine. You want to show your cock on social media? Not fine. Performing a fascist slash Nazi salute after a game against Milan? Suspended. Showing a picture of your medically enhanced penis? Sacked. He also openly praised Benito Mussolini and Franco.

20:44There's no ambiguity. And you can't even accuse him of saying, well, maybe he... Obviously, you can't accuse him of this. If I'm bending over backwards... Careful. to try and find an absolute modicum of great sympathy for this man and say, well, okay, Mussolini, you're talking about, because he's from Spain. And then he goes, and I like Franco as well. And I say, oh, I like that he's so committed to Lazio that he wants to be able to, on demand, get his penis to do a fascist salute. But I think... You say he's committed to Lazio. Remember, he was also fired as the falconer at Benfica because he used to handle that.

21:26And can I just say, from when I first worked at Benfica regularly, I can't tell you what's... That is so strange when you see a man in his 40s as he was then. He's 56 now. What he used to do is you get the eagle to fly around the top. It is incredible. Yeah, it's amazing. Was he there when I went with you? Yes, he was. And they have a little lectern on the pitch on the centre line with the Benfica crest on it. and the eagle lands on it. And this guy, who is dressed in full kit, shorts and socks as well, as the eagle lands on the lectern, he gets on his knees and punches the air. Now, he was fired from Benfica because when he renegotiated his contract, he went to the club and he said, yeah, every bit of merchandise you sell with an eagle on it, I'm going to have to have a cut of that.

22:20We're talking about one of the most famous football clubs in the world that have a fucking eagle on their badge. Wow. And he was surprised when they sacked him. He said, seriously, I need a cut of that because I've got some penis surgery coming. He's been saving for a long time. So anyway, he goes to Lazio and he had a terrible, terrible debut at Lazio. The debut? He's Eagle. He did or his Eagle did? Who was at fault? Oh, well, I think it's a team effort. Okay. You know, leave a home man behind. Hey, we're not blaming the Eagle for any of this, surely. Eagles get a rough time in football in general.

22:51That Charlton fan went to jail for trying to punch the Crystal Palace one. Well, that's where this fella's going to end up next. Well, I was about to say, surely Palace are the only ones who can save this man. On this debut, essentially, the eagle, now renamed Olympia for Lazio purposes, settled on the top of the Stadio Olimpico because it wasn't used to it. It wasn't the Stadio deluge and wouldn't come down. So, obviously, the Roma fans very much enjoyed this. They spent the rest of the season singing, where's your pigeon gone, etc., etc. Didn't they have that banner as well that translated to fuck you and fuck your eagle?

23:28Nice and succinct to that, isn't it? Is it the same eagle as the Benfica one? He didn't get a new one. He took it with him, yeah. Well, I'm taking my eagle on him off. They're incredibly dignified animals who don't deserve any of this. I mean, as I explained to you before, because they're very modern, Benfica then, after Benabe left, switched to a two-eagle rotation system. Nice. How are you up here? They have them on different weeks. You have... One stays, one goes. Yeah, exactly. There's one that does really flash, like spins around the top and one that just does a very simple box and then lands.

24:03Classicist. Yeah, one that's Javi, one that's Uriani Esther. So these kind of Vittorio and Glorioso. What is it about these right-wing kind of men who all look the same? Because he looks like Dana White and Joe Rogan. Yeah, yeah. Two very famously right-wing men. Maybe it's their background, their family background. Or maybe they're also angry because they've got quite severe erectile dysfunction. Well, Burnaby, he defended his decision to publish the videos, of course. But as you say, Luke, he got sacked over this, just to reiterate, not for doing fascist salutes and Mussolini chants and other things of such nature.

24:42But he said, when defending this, he said, Nudity is normal. I grew up in an open-minded naturist family. This sounds like a lovely bunch. Open-minded. which does betray his actions right now perhaps but he also said it was a wonderful operation. I did it to be as fit as I was when I was young. My erection is natural but with this device I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the timing. Can someone else push it? Well presumably Jim. I'd like to think. I love him going I don't need this by the way everyone. Yeah. I'm only posting this photo. Yeah exactly. It's that energy.

25:19I'm only posting these photos by the way to get a discount on the surgery presumably to advertise it which is back far because he's lost his job but it's almost like they used to say that to get a loan from a bank manager you have to go into the bank and claim that you didn't need one it's like that isn't it he's saying I don't need it but I'm just doing anything I love the thought of the Pelé of Falconers I love the thought of pressing the button he goes from 0 to 60 in just a second are you telling me though that if Pete Donaldson had a button on him where if you pushed it he'd just suddenly have a stonker you wouldn't be tempted just like bang can you hack the button Pete referred to erections last night on WhatsApp as a honking boner but maybe because he's such a showman as we know now we'd have left in no doubt that he's thinking you employ me and I'll give your eagle something to land on he's got nowhere left to go that would be something though if the eagle was swooping around he got his old boy out pressed the button and the eagle landed on his chopper you'd be thinking bloody Nora it would be very good something we could all get behind right tonight everybody there's a photo of it fucking hell I'm going to get banned on the leaning tower of pizza you'll have to blur out leaning to the right though Jim

26:37let's turn to something rather bizarre it appears that Liverpool legend Ian Rush has put his name to an AI musical called Rush for Justice it's a good title yeah good title but what it is What is it about? You cry. The musical is about a legal battle against a Surrey scaffolding company and a small law firm in Wigan. The greatest story ever told. Tailors old as time. It also attacks Robbie Fowler and Jamie Carragher. The musical starts with a rant about the media, including The Athletic, the FSA and lots of journalists. And the entire musical is in the style of Hamilton. So here's a clip.

27:32We're still here, everybody. Don't worry. claim it's a battle this isn't a joust i saw the books i saw the lease i saw directors fighting for their peace from coot and enders by the scaffolding claims this company bled under phantom gaze no such agreement that's what we wrote in letters dated with every note for our own legal purposes we do not stand by any of that reproducing that uh simply because it needs to be heard it needs to be i mean So what is it all about, Peter? Ian Rush has got some kind of problem with a scaffolding firm and a couple of legal counsel that he's either been represented by or had some problems on runnings with in the past.

28:16And he's created an abhorrent AI musical that runs to an hour and a half long. Has it given you any ideas? Well, it's given me ideas that we should close the internet, yeah. Oh, right. I mean, I love all... So this is your limit? Yes, exactly, yeah. the things I've shown you off Reddit that is a point in the journey to the singularity isn't it Dick Donaldson has had enough of the internet I've had enough I love older people getting involved in AI slop I love those shitty videos of videos of men cleaning barnacles off whales that didn't happen on Facebook I love people rescuing leopards that didn't happen on AI and people are going, this is amazing.

29:02They're doing an amazing job. And I just love people getting hoodwinked by shit AI. But he would have had to spend... I mean, it's really easy to create anything like that. I mean, it's a load of old toss. You just put a prompt in and they create an hour and a half of just nonsense. But they've used a pretty good model. He will have spent at least 50 quid on the credits to make it because it is long. It's a long old listen. I don't think anybody in the world, apart from Ian Rush, will have listened to it. But I wonder what the prompts were. I wonder how much of the court filings, I wonder how much he had to sort of get involved about his own chagrin and get it into the prompt to make this horrible stuff.

29:42I think, mate, clearly it's based on Hamilton. Right. He's also, I think he's just put all of the court documents in it. Yeah. But there's a lot of things that he's annoyed about in there, though. Because if you just put the court documents in, they've clearly not found in his favour. so it wouldn't be a pro Ian Rush musical, would it, I suppose? Having listened to a bit of it, obviously I'm not going to listen to 90 minutes of it because I haven't got time and I have loads of free time and even I'm not going to go into that. As you say, it's proper, proper AI slop. So much of it sounds like it's directly taken from court statements and minutes from hearings in court.

30:23There are some of the lines in it. There's one about Jamie Carragher and Robbie Fowler not calling him back after he asked him to make a video in support that says, they never called old Rushy back. No mate to mate hello. There's clearly been no editing of it as well. He's just spat it out. Is Ian Rush walking alone? He is walking alone. We finally found what could make a former Liverpool player walk alone. Along some scaffolding. Yeah, which is dangerous. Do we reckon that there's a possibility that Ian Rush is tied up and gagged in his house, sort of like Willard White in Diamonds Are Forever?

30:57I sincerely hope not, Andy. I think the sad truth behind this is that he's hired an American firm to help with all the various kind of legal wranglings that are kind of impossible to fathom from this, but are obviously affecting him quite badly. And this looks to me like they've gone, this is obviously going to get loads of attention because it's completely ridiculous. and then maybe that will bring sort of wider attention to the case and put a bit more pressure on it. But I don't seem to mind making him look ridiculous. There's a chance for that because there was a premiere for this musical, we're calling it, at a rental property in Cannes.

31:32Oh, you're at the Cannes Film Festival? We're in Cannes, yeah. Yeah, well, it's taking place right now, of course, the festival. It seems like, as you say, there is a plan to create a film to go with the soundtrack. so surely that can't be true get it in there it's an OB he's like he's like the most decorated strikers in Europe oh god he's a huge AI blind spot isn't he Liverpool's top goal scorer 81 82 83 85 86 1990 92 93 I mean my god it's quite in character though because he was a tireless presser as a player yes exactly well rush for justice give it a whirl the controversial part of this potentially is that I don't think he should have been getting a team relegated in Saudi Arabia and expect to get a big job Rangers are a big club, whatever you think of them and I know what you think of them Speller but whatever anyone thinks of them, they're a big club you're telling me I know that he did well at Rangers and he's got a reputation there for being successful at the club specifically I don't think it enhances his reputation that he's had to go to Saudi Arabia to get a job and then he's running the risk of getting a team relegated.

32:46Right. Do you? Or are you still bristling about me saying about Rangers and you? I think that... Why would I bristle at that? I don't know. You tell me. Well, I don't know. You're the one who said it. Why have you got your bacon bucket out again? I thought I'd make a few quid. Is that Rangers branded bacon you've got there? It was smoked and unsmoked. We've been through this many, many times before. I feel like I'm going to get smoked in a minute. Exactly. £1.52 for smoked fish. Yeah, this one... I'd buy it. This one was smoked with the smoke from the Vatican. So it evens it out. Who's that for?

33:17Who's the audience for that? You'd be surprised in Scotland. So everyone, just listen. You're in inner city Glasgow, right? I was in Edinburgh. It's a bit softer there, but it's still alive. Allowed the story. It's Rangers branded bacon, okay, but it's smoked by the smoke they use to decide who's the new Pope. No one wants it. You have to sponsor both teams, is what I'm saying. Take itself at a border. Sell it there. They won't care. QPR. You can say it to them. Half and half bacon. Half and half bacon. Okay, so it's half smoked by the smoke at the... Pope smoke. Pope smoke. And half Rangers branded.

33:56Oh, dear. Coming up after this, Barcelona take on Inter tonight.

34:07You know they talk about how the best, people think the best spies are like James Bond and stuff like that, but actually the best spies are what they call the grey man, where you go and get what you want, no one remembers you. That's really how you want to be in this as a manager. You want to be able to get through it. I thought Bond did pretty well. He did okay, actually. I don't know this grey man, and if he's done anything. Yeah, that's the beauty of him. You don't know him. Oh, okay. Could be in here now. Andy Greyman, yeah. Yeah, very anonymous. Yeah. And nowadays, thank goodness. Get your double O's out for the lads.

34:37Andy Gray's Bond. That's what we came for. We got there. 40 minutes. We stumbled on it. Great stuff. Give your golden gun a tweet for the lads. Gray. Fucking Andy Gray. Who me? I, me. Gray. Andy Gray. And he said, I'll tell you what, I want that shake and nostril.

35:01And he's got that red button. And I said, give us it here. Will I bless it? Yes, I will And I say terrorist Because that's what he is He hasn't got a Miss Moneypenny He's got a Mr. Keys No, Richard Keys is doing his gadgets Yeah, he's Q He's Q, yeah Oh dear If you tilt that pen upside down The clothes come off

35:30A great gadget That's exactly what I want but if I was to put that pen there Andy yeah our official secret act's getting harder to sign well anyway we got what we wanted oh dear well quite magnificently we're going to end with this question I've not just added this this was in the running order this from did we answer that previous question about press conferences I think we had a go. Probably, yeah. If anything, we deflected, which is what they're about now. Indeed, indeed. Everyone came to this show today and got what they wanted. Especially us. Particularly us. Oh, dear. But Ray O'Tofi wants more.

36:18Ray O'Tofi. Ray O'Tofi on Blue Sky wants more, who honestly asked us this question, or asked Vish's this question. Which Sean Connery film is Vish's favourite? There we go. Come on. He's not making any more films now. Yeah. What? Because he can't. He's retired. he retired a while ago to be fair before he hang on if I may before he died Vish yeah I was going to say he went underground in a way imagine that imagine the next James Bond movie it's Connery egg on all our faces what is your favourite I know what you're going to say can I guess are you going to say The Hunt for Red October yeah correct do you know what I've never seen it brilliant movie but Connery is also from I suppose a bit before The Hunt for Red October yeah He's done a lot of shit.

37:02Oh, yeah. I mean, that kind of length of career. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you who's done a lot of shit and it goes under the radar is old Samuel L. Jackson. My goodness. He'll do anything for me. Was it Michael Caine who missed picking up his own Oscar because he was filming Jaws 3? So that happens. Well, how about this? Which is the only film that Connery won an Oscar for? The Academy Awards. Can we have a few guesses? Of course. I've got loads of time. So he didn't win any for Dr. Noah Goldeneye. No, not Goldeneye. None of them are Bond. Yeah, Goldfinger and Dr. Noah. I'm talking specifically...

37:35Which are the two best Bond films that he's in. And Goldfinger's probably the best Bond film, I would say. What about you? Only live twice. No. Come on. No. It's a great song, though. It is a great song, but it's not a better film than Goldfinger. I just wanted a little sing song. I think because... I'm going to try and do a bit of 3D chess. I'd say this is his best film. I think you're saying this because it's an Indiana Jones film. The Last Crusade? Yeah. Incorrect. He won a BAFTA. It's The Rock. It is not The Rock. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is definitely one of his best, as is Robin Hood Prince of Thieves on a technicality.

38:05Oh, yeah. He's not even named in that, I don't think. But this one, I think I would have this as his best film, but I haven't seen The Hunt for Red October. So there's no way The Rock won an Oscar. I don't know what I'm talking about. No, yeah. Michael Bay. It must be The Untouchables. Correct. Yeah! Do you know why? Because I got it up in front of me. Oh, that's cheating! I didn't Google Oscar. I just Googled Connery movies. I'm trying to think of one. it's not in the spirit of it yeah eh he's brilliant in no wonder Vish has got all the belts you've got to watch The Hunt for October you have to watch it I really do you really should be watching that ahead of the next Melbourne yeah you watched that in school weirdly did you yeah great education do you know I've never seen it private school innit probably got him in to reenact it what did you think of Andy Gray in it it's not a submarine is it yeah when is it when is it what about Andy Gray in the medicine man I haven't seen it and I said, take your cowpaw.

38:58And he's looking for the October and there he is on the back post. And he raises a submarine at the back post. He breaches. Our submarine's getting harder to sink in. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble Mailbag, part of the Acast Creative Network. Take a look at my torpedo. I've turned to Finchie from the office. I'm a similar man. We're back on Monday with Jim. please do send us your responses to any of that. Opinions? Did you see that after winning the Copa del Rey final, Barcelona president, John Laporta, mimicked smoking a cigarette while shaking hands with Wachek Szczesny? Because Szczesny was fined for smoking the shells at Arsenal.

39:42He was also dropped by Roma for smoking. That has happened twice, but I still nonetheless think it's quite a deep cut. Yeah, deep cut is exactly right, isn't it? But maybe he's still doing it. Vish, you're the only smoker here. what do you think of it well isn't it based on the fact that he was like papped doing it in the in the Barcelona changing room yeah so he's still doing it yeah so he's not that deep because I think because other players so he did it again recently yeah yeah so other players have taken the piss out of Chesney for so they were taking the team photo and Chesney's trying to hang out in the back or was it smoking was it to do I don't know if they use his expression or not in Spain but was it after that game he's thinking well he's earned his he's earned his bacon today he's like smoked or smoked yeah I don't know.

40:24So it's bacon we're selling in Glasgow. One half of it is smoked by the Pope smoke. Yeah. And the other half is smoked by... By Chesney cigarette. Marble gold. Wojciech Chesney's super king. Yeah. Can I interest anyone? Yeah. Say it to Marcus. Marcus will say it to you in a bucket. Which is more expensive, probably the Pope smoke. Yeah, mate. Harder to get. 100%. 100%. But only, I mean, as I say... You've got to basically climb up on the roof of the Vatican and dangle the bacon over the top of the little funnel. Yeah. Yeah. At the very least, it's a very artisan cut. You've got to use a drone.

40:59You've got to use a drone for that. Sheets of bacon hanging off of it. Which weirdly feels like a hate crime. Yeah, it does. It feels like a hate crime. All because the lady loves Catholic smoked bacon, as the advert says. Well, I think all of this is unlikely. Marcus is dressed like a milk tray man. But it's not chocolates. In a white coat. He's got bacon stuck to him. The milk tray man wasn't dressed in a white coat. the 18 confirmed title winners from UEFA's top 20 leagues in 2025 bloody hell this is decided by UEFA's association club coefficient the Norwegian and Swedish league is still being played so they're not included yet so there are 18 answers out of the 20 leagues so the confirmed title winners are from all of the big boys and some of the smaller ones the box is first right Marcus I'll have Liverpool please there'll be there'll be there'll be a good few rounds there Oh, well done, mate.

41:57Right, I need to be tactical here and get ones that I think Vish has already got written down. We've got to work together, because if we want to take this to a tiebreaker, we've got to take him down. Fair enough. There's no shame in that. No shame at all. I feel like the Lib Dems are good. You've then got to decide which of you is going to end up going through to the tiebreak. Yeah. Have an answer. Yeah. Correct. I'd like to see Vish scrub an answer out. Yep. Yeah. Good to see. Yeah. Bayern München. yeah suddenly suddenly thin on ideas now right tactical tactical tactical what is UEFA's association coefficient that's what you're up to thinking Barcelona Barcelona

42:38those are all the good ones aren't they yeah the main ones I'm genuinely struggling now I really am I'm struggling to think who are the top 20 leagues I've got a good idea you think about probably the big side in there

42:57Come on Senfica You've got to guess One of them haven't you Yes Marcus That's massive for us That's massive Come on That is unlucky PSV Eindhoven Come on That was my last answer Yeah nice Correct One of the areas of the sea Celtic Celtic Celtic Yeah Come on Get out Vish Get out Now it's definitely going to be a tiebreaker Only one of you can enter the tiebreaker It doesn't matter We killed the end level boss Right now we're against each other We'll have a little wank together now I can't believe I didn't think of Celtic But anyway You're a good old fashioned rangers man That's why you won't observe it I'm not a rangers man It's time Luke's eating into here For an ally I do appreciate that What are you doing?

43:44Marcus Oh yeah Shit Shit!

43:53Who wins leagues? That's a good question. That's what you should be asking. I am the one who leagues. I haven't got one. I haven't got one. Come on. It's Torres! I'll go for Arby Salzburg. I was going to do that. I'm pleased I didn't know by the look of where his fingers are. By the sounds of it, yeah. Big point for you now. Get yourself into a tie-break situation. This is a... Oh, by the way, if we go two rounds and not getting one, neither of us get a point and Vish wins anyway, right? Oh, my God. Fuck! That is perilous. You got too excited too early, didn't you? You didn't press the button, Luke!

44:32Oh, fucking hell. Oh, shitting hell. Pete! No, you can't. You've got to win with three. It's Torres to give Chelsea... I've got nothing. Shakhtar. Young boys. Come on Please They're not in there You've got to go around one more time You've got to go around one more time Okay, okay Come on Marcus You've already said one Do it Alright I don't know if it's right or not But you've already said one Shakhtar Stopping shit I know it's on me Or Vish wins the title This is tense No No I can't believe I've just thought of a banker No No! No! You haven't ever heard of it. The video will observe. Play it!

45:19J 'korum! No! He just mouthed it! He did it! He did it! He mouthed it! I never mouthed anything! He mouthed it! Check the tips! Check the tips! Don't start that! I've got a guess now. Do it! This is like an argument on... Did you see what he mouthed? No! Because he mouthed it the other way! This is like an argument on Christmas Day. Luke, on Christmas... That's it! On Christmas Day. Galatasaray.

45:44Man of God Marcus Speller, did you mouth Galatasaray to Luma? He didn't! Whatever I did, he didn't get it. Alright. Yes! He's back in! That's a good one. He's done it! I'm a little bit stressed right now, I don't mind admitting. I might pull up and bring a new referee in. But regardless of what happened, Marcus has sacrificed himself. Exactly, yeah. This is a very noble thing to do. Christian thing to do, yeah. So basically you have to think that I got that answer right, and Marcus sacrificed himself for me. Either way, it's a beautiful story. Carry on. What a beautiful story! That's astonishing, this.

46:11Right.

46:14Absolutely astonishing. There will be an investigation, but I am enjoying the general demeanour and manner of this has been done. Let's just ask if Vish would feel more comfortable if Marcus was to leave the studio.

46:29Thank you for listening to the Football Rumble Mailbag, part of the Cash Creator Network. We're going to be back tomorrow. We'd like to have people get in touch, what kind of stuff you could do in your shed with Les Ferdinand. Yeah, yeah, get in touch. Yeah, let us know what, just ideas, puzzles. because if it takes on a life of its own and we can find a sponsor I don't think Les is that busy yes exactly could Les do 48 that's a great series idea which footballers or people from the world of football can spend 48 hours in Pete's shed with Pete if we don't do it Mr Beast I can see the clock in the bottom corner you'd be the Mr Beast of terrorising footballers I've only got a second name what is it Donaldson Jimmy Donaldson Jimmy Donaldson Jimmy Donaldson yes please do send your responses opinions and questions for next week's Mailbag and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

47:16Now... Tell you who else could spend 48 hours in your shed with you. Denise Welsh. Back to the grinding.

47:28Fuck no! Yeah! Thanks for listening to part one of the best of the Football Ramble 2025. Join us for part two, which will be out tomorrow. And if you don't want to, that's okay because you can play paddle. You can eat a Victoria sponge. You can go to Kew Gardens. You can sell bacon. You can play Cluedo. You can do some colouring in. You can watch Channel 5.

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