Can I have a glass of gears please?

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3:30Dreaming, dreaming is free. Barca, Imperius and Liverpool are through. Welcome to Football Ramble. It's Thursday, 19th of March. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm Luke Moore And I'm the Dishina Humparaja

3:53You reckon the joint, Vish? What are you doing? I was, I was trying to hide my phone Luke's phone's on display Yes, we've all got phones It's 2025 We've all got phones 2026 It is 2026 By the way, the We were still in the Champions League in 2025. When Vish does the I'm Virtush and the Hunter Raja just before the beat, I think it's one of the most electrifying moves in sports entertainment. It gives me a lot of satisfaction. It's like when the block, is it Mike from the streets? What's Mike? Mike Skinner. Mike Skinner did that talking about Tony Blair and... Is it 2005? It might be. Yes. It was the last night in Catalonia, Barcelona.

4:38they took the ghost of Bobby Robson kicked him down the stairs stole his wallet which does happen in Barcelona it does happen in Barcelona the final score was Barcelona 7 Newcastle 2 8-3 on aggregate now the proper host of the football ramble Marcus Beller had this one down quite famously on yesterday's show as a 2-1 win to Newcastle he's not here to defend himself so I've actually created an AI model of Marcus Beller so he can defend himself Marcus are you there? What is a cuck chair?

5:11I'll probably leave that one.

5:16It was, I tell you what, you were sat in it for most of the second half, weren't you? Everyone was piled onto it. Yeah, exactly. A gigantic one. Everyone was clambering on it. Everyone was clambering on it. People trying to do cross-field balls in the 18-yard box. Do you know what I can't stand, Vish? The arrogance of the man at the other end of the table. He doesn't go to the Nou Camp. He thinks I don't need to spend the most of this trip to Barcelona. We'll be doing this for years to come. Well, apparently you didn't need a ticket. There were like 10 ,000 Geordies out there. Sort of climbing trees.

5:45I don't think that's a thing. You did need a ticket. You did need a ticket, but lots of them travelled. One of the provisors is in that, you know, we have an allocation of 3 ,000, but you can take it by force. Yeah. Approximately 10 ,000 Newcastle fans travelled to Barcelona despite only 3 ,000 fans having tickets. They were having a lovely time in the city centre. and one was climbing a palm tree trying to retrieve a ball. That's what happens all the time when Newcastle go away in Europe, though, isn't it? They always have a lovely time. They're a lovely lot. Good on them. But you just said, apparently, they didn't need a ticket.

6:15That's not the same thing. Well, they didn't need a ticket because they're still just enjoying Las Ramblas. Enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves by being responsible. It was a... A game of two halves? Yes. Yeah, it's a very competitive first half an hour. Yeah, two halves. Different sports as well. Yeah. three goals in ten minutes after halftime put the game to bed but it was just three to Barcelona at halftime I was taking that all day Luke did you think that was a good first half's work at the Spotify Camp Nou I think it was a great is that the official name now is that the okay got to pay for the redesign somehow I bet Barcelona knows that money to their players yeah I mean with the team that's actually a really good joke yeah I think it deserves better than that alright I'm sure somebody on the YouTube will...

7:02I just thought of it just then. Usually... Oh, fuck the YouTube man! It's a podcast. I don't care about them anymore. I'm not bothered. Well, look, with a team that's been playing like Newcastle have been playing pretty much all season in the Premier League, to take a 3-2 loss into the second half, it was dream stuff. It really was, Luke, he not. Yeah, and then they've played around in the second half, played some big boy games and won some big boy prizes, didn't they? They F-ed and then they F - off. Yeah, they did. And it was... A large part of it will be super disappointing because it was competitive in the first half.

7:29They were very unlucky in the first leg. I wasn't on the show after that game, but I agreed with what you guys said. It was pretty close to a famous win and an advantage going into the second leg. The second leg was always going to be tough. I didn't agree with the assessment that they would get out of there with a win yesterday, but you have to admit the first half was really competitive and the second half was essentially self-inflicted. They concede goals through errors, through lack of concentration, through possibly the occasion getting to them. And Barca stopped doing that as well, who were also making mistakes in the first half.

8:02Yeah, they're also a really, really good team. Yes. Right. And so that's clearly a massive part of it. Newcastle really haven't been that good a team this season. And so what's really interesting, I think, is a general kind of trend is English teams have used their financial power, the player power they've got, the quality they've got in the early stages of the Champions League to almost, if not to blow teams away, then to really press home that advantage and kind of easily get through the group stage and all of them go through with a degree of ease, really. Then it's fascinating how quickly they come up against teams who are also big teams in Europe.

8:40Yeah, with experience. Yeah, where it's Barcelona, Atletico, whatever. And they fall short. And Newcastle were humbled last night and it feels to me still a long way to go for them to make an impact on the competition of this size yeah I mean second half Barcelona didn't just find another guia they walked into a steampunk bar yeah with a top hat on with cogs on it and saying goggles goggles and said can I have a glass of guias please how would they speak how would they speak they wouldn't speak like that forsooth bar key could one have a cup of cogs please yeah where are you going with this I don't they've got a lot of guias with my pints They've got a lot of gears of Barcelona in them, and they eat them.

9:23They eat the gears. Imbibe the gears. Fish, you want to say something about the game before he carries on with this? I'm lost in the era that he was describing there. I absolutely love steampunk. Right, okay. Toot toot. There was definitely a point in the first half where I was really impressed with Newcastle. I was slightly confused by Elanga doing nothing good and then scoring two goals. Yeah, he needs to get a bit of credit for that because he's had a bit of a difficult start. Yeah, yeah. I think he's had a great first game and then it's been absolute touchy because teams don't play a high line like Barcelona.

10:03Yeah, but then like, you know, it felt in that moment he was enjoying a bit of space. I thought Anthony Gordon was very good. I quite like him in a disconcerting way through the middle. feel like you're losing something on the left but Harvey Barnes has stepped up so it makes a lot of sense to have those three runners basically through the middle. And Barnes is a great finisher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, yeah, so in the first half that worked to a tee. I'm not going to say it was an unfortunate giveaway penalty. You just simply cannot drag a man back even if you're 36. I'll never... Or however old Keiris could be.

10:37He's basically Robert De Niro on heat at this point in time. He's been dragged into something he doesn't need to be involved but he probably should have gone for that arm drag. He's creaking. He's creaking. Yeah. And I think, you know, you get a player. You can tell that with players who play as fullback as they get older. Obviously, recovery pace isn't what it was. And, you know, it's not that he hasn't got the concentration and the experience to deal with it, because of course he has. But you get caught out in that way. And it's basically desperate stuff. Getting caught forgetting someone's over your shoulder or whatever, they're just too quick for you or whatever.

11:09Happens a lot to fullbacks if they're not fully concentrating. And I think in Trippier's case, He's just physically declining now. He's been an amazing player, but I think it's coming to the end of the line, particularly at this level. Hell of a concern for Newcastle. Yeah, that's definitely true. He's been a great player. He's been a great player. Yeah, full stop for most teams, yeah. I did wonder at half-time if Newcastle could keep up the intensity, but they should have at least tried. It's very hard to score four goals when you don't have the ball. It's like 20 % possession or something. Yeah, and especially, as you say, if you're just going to cross on the ball as well, That is awkward.

11:44I think the... That would be the Fermin Lopez goal when he's running through. Yeah, that was the killer wasn't it? Yeah, I don't know whether Newcastle had to commit as much as they did in the second half, but you can't really begrudge them that given... But it was early in the second half though, right? Yeah, yeah, but I mean there's so much space at the back. It was comical and, you know, at that point, it doesn't really matter about offside traps. like Dan Byrne was so far forward that he was able to play behind him. And yeah, I felt a bit sad. And then, you know, you kind of get a bit sadistic in these moments and I found myself wanting 10.

12:21Yeah, you do. If I've got no dog in the fight, I always want it to be an absolute nightmare. Absolute right. Yeah, I think also that front four that Barcelona have, which is basically a combination of every different type of forward player who can basically set any type of challenge for a defence and for a midfield is when it's on song, it's brutal. I mean, it is brutal. Rafinha has been so good in the Champions League. I mean, he's scored so many goals for Barcelona in the Champions League. Firmino Lopez is so tricky. Lewandowski is one of the best forward players of recent years in Europe. He's still doing it.

12:57And then Laminio Malle is one of the best young players, if not the best young player in the world. So it's a challenge. Yeah, I don't think you should be, I don't think Newcastle fans should be too, I mean, because you look at 7-2 and you think, oh, that's a bit embarrassing, but actually, you know, fine. But the challenges that are being set by this Barcelona side when they're on song, and Newcastle did make it easier for them, and they did find it really, really tough, and they did self-immolate. There were several individual errors, but they're quite irresistible, Barcelona. I think they'll...

13:26You're right about that front four, aren't you? They'll cause problems to any team in this Champions League, without question. If you look at, like, who they're going to be playing next in the quarterfinal, they're probably going to get past Letico Madrid. So then they're in the conversation to win it. So I think it's not something to be too harsh about. No, it was a bit of a shame second half that they didn't test quite a chaotic back line or certainly test the high line which they were getting a lot of change out of. But Vich did make a point which I think is spot on which is the first portion of the second half easier said than done of course.

14:03I don't think you need to come out. you're not out of the game you're not out of the tie you might just want to make it a bit more difficult sit in and see if they get frustrated I mean it's probably not going to happen they've lost five goals but I think that was a bit of a killer blow that first go after half time I mean you're a Newcastle fan how did you feel coming out of that game? I think it was just the level it was kind of about Newcastle's level you would say possibly not a shooing to that degree but I think the when you're facing up against like real you know war horses who've just seen and done everything through Lewandowski and stuff like that you're like i mean it's just gonna happen when you've got when you've got a bit of a patched upside when you've got you know players like um trippy and dan burn like holding up the the the rear guard when dan burn made that block in the first half i was like that's great it's too early yeah it was an amazing block it was an amazing every inch.

15:01Have you seen One Piece? Are you watching One Piece? I'm not watching One Piece, no. When Monkey D. Luffy does the gum gum and he throws his legs. It's almost like a Dal Sim type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there was a lot of focus on the Laminia Mal Twitter sort of Stan accounts. Kept posting a picture, a video rather, a gif of him basically doing like a half Cruyff turn on Dan Byrne in the centre circle as if to sort of go, you've never seen a player like Laminia Malfana. I was going, he was in the centre so I'm like, lads, calm down. Do you know what I mean? He didn't have that good a game.

15:36He missed the sitter. But they won't calm down. They won't calm down. They're running Laminia Malfana accounts. If you're going to calm down while doing that, you might as well not do it. Exactly. It's a very, very good point. I mean, to be fair to them, he did turn him inside out. He did turn him inside out, but I mean, he's Dan Bird. But he is Dan Bird, fine. He's a player for Darlington. I thought that, some of these people have come from Dalí. I thought that Dan Bam was probably the pick of the defenders. He was all action, he was everywhere. He was criticized and he was very disappointed with his compatriots to not get into some sort of position.

16:10Did he call them compatriots? He took a compatriots. And other people from other nations. Is he about to partake in the new war in the Gulf? Yeah, maybe. Might be. I think that's fair. I think actually the moment I'm thinking of was Malik Thior, actually. Right, yeah. You've spanned the wrong way. It was, yeah. Dan Byrne was everywhere. I would say that if everyone else applied themselves in the way Big Dan Byrne did, they might not have been, it might have only been 5 '2". I agree. I very much enjoyed Lewandowski's little it's a very minimalist orbital bone protector. Because usually you'd be used to sort of like a full face mask, but now it's like...

16:47Is there any danger that people... It's a big Van Vader sort of lingerie mask, isn't it? I thought he was a masquerade ball. Eyes wide shut. Yeah. Do you think there's any danger that players just get used to playing with it and so they just want to play with it? I think that's it. He took it off for the celebration. But he does that all the time because obviously he wants the photos. Right, yeah. I think it looks cool. I like it. What did you make of the over-the-top celebrations for the seventh goal? I mean, it wasn't even Rafinha's first goal of the evening. So it's just, that's got to be a kicker.

17:19because by that point, I think Newcastle had already lined up for kickoff as he was going to his third celebration. Just one second, got one more. Yeah, exactly. Maybe he's contractually obliged to do so. That's not the worst shout, you know. There might be something in that. I do feel for the Joddies who sat through those celebrations, you know, presumably had a few drinks afterwards. Presumably. Went on. Presumably. There's any kind of chance they won't be getting pissed. We should have a nightcap, should we? Went home and, you know, they wake up, bleary-eyed, headaches. They've probably delayed at Barcelona Airport.

18:00Ryanair's done a number on them. And they're waking up to the stories that Man United and Real Madrid are in for Bruno Gimres. It's just, it's not a great morning for them, is it? Well, so, like, the offshoot of this game, you know, not being in Champions League, the focus now being domestic. Sunderland at the weekend. Yeah. So do you, as a Newcastle fan, see this result as a bit of, you know, do you see any collateral from yesterday evening, going into the weekend, or even the things like, as you're saying, Bruno Gimoros' future, or like where Eddie Howe stands? I think it's more the fact that they haven't got many games to play after the Sunderland.

18:37The Sunderland result, I think, will be a big one at the weekend. They've got to sort of patch themselves up and go again effectively. And then they've got a lot of time off, which means a lot of column inches are available to be written. and a lot of YouTube videos are available to be posted. That's going to create a bit of a maelstrom, I think, for Eddie Howell. I think it comes down to the attitude of the ownership and what they think should be next. The point I would make is that if you had said to the owners or anyone associated with Newcastle, you're knocked out in the knockout phase of the Champions League by Barcelona, that is a step further than they went when they played in the Champions League before.

19:16Yeah. Right, and then, so that's improvement. The issue is, of course, the league form. The league form essentially forces a question, which is, is Eddie Howe the person to take them to where they want to go next? Now, the Saudis haven't really been that forthcoming in what they actually think they want to happen next. A lot of people would suggest they don't actually really care that much. They want a sports wash. They want to be a part of this shit. They want to be in part of the Premier League. Some might say they've lost interest. Have a foothold in it. Maybe their priorities are elsewhere, so it doesn't actually matter.

19:44but to me it's always felt like Howe has felt like a stepping stone manager on the way to them getting like a super coach and trying to position themselves in the same way we've seen City or PSG do it I don't know if that's true or not and I don't want to throw shade on Howe I think is really good and I think he'll get he'll find a landing spot somewhere else no problem and he's been a very good Premier League manager and he'll continue to be so it's just whether they align with their ambitions there's nothing wrong with getting knocked out by Barcelona in the Champions League whoever you are the problem is the manner of it and the league form domestically has been so patchy that they found it hard to manage.

20:19But finally, for now, I would just add, a lot of teams who aren't used to playing regular Champions League football do take a while to be able to manage all these responsibilities and Newcastle has stood in that process. Yeah, and they presumably won't be getting it next season. Doesn't look like it, does it? Doesn't look like it. No, Eddie Howe, I will round off the Newcastle section with a little bit of trivia. Eddie Howe was the first English manager to manage at the Cam Nu since Gary Neville in 2016. Neville's Valencia also conceded seven goals that night. Was that when Luis Enrique refused to shake Gary Neville's hand because he hated him so much as a coach, he thought he didn't deserve to be there?

20:53And that's what Gary Neville suggested happen. Gary Neville himself said that. Don't mind it. Don't mind it. You're not even a real coach. That's my chair. Marcus always makes the point that when the video, because it was quite interesting when Neville went to Valencia to the English press, and Sky Sports sent a camera out there, obviously, and Marcus always made the observation at the time which is really funny, where he said that like, when Sky Sports filmed Gary Neville meeting all the players, and he knew he was taking the job, and he'd obviously flown out there, and he wasn't even making the effort to say anything other than like, hiya, you're right, you're right, you're right.

21:27He wasn't even going, hola. Do you know what I mean? I know. It would have been mealy-mouthed to do that, wouldn't it? What would you have said? Bonjour. Yeah, that's actually just how I say hello. Yeah. It's European. Because you speak the language of love, of course. Speak the language of love, of course. I give him a smooch. Yeah, two kisses. Three kisses, yeah. Where's the third one go? Right on the Evercheek. Left nipple. You go left, right, left, yeah. Oh, okay. Or you can go do right, left, right. Up, down, left, right. AAB start. Cheek, not anywhere else. Okay, don't. Face cheek. Well, former Newcastle striker Andy Carroll has been named as intramanager of Dagenham and Redbridge.

22:08He replaces Lee Bradbury, who was sacked on Wednesday despite winning his last match in charge. Apparently KSI has recently bought a 20 % stake in the club. Andy himself is also a shareholder of the club. Can I have the day off, Andy? Yes, I can, Andy. That's not me in bed with a man called Andy. What's happening at Dagenham and Redbridge? I don't know. What timeline are we on here? I don't know. First of all, don't be treating Lee Bradbury like that. Came for it, Pompey. Good sci-fi writer. Good lad. Yeah, very nice. That's always my joke. A man I know nothing about. No, he's made a good contribution to Portsmouth over the years.

22:43Okay. Why isn't he at Portsmouth? Well, I suppose he can go to Portsmouth. One of the rare good ones from the Isle of Wight. Oh, right. Blackang Chine botherer. Yeah, I'm not sure about that. I don't know. I think that's a tourist trap, really. Is it? If you're Portnum Brown, then you... It's like you live in London, or when you lived in London, you're not going up to Big Ben every week, are you? Fair, fair. That is fair. Going past it. Yeah. Well, he was set to face off against Neil Warnock, but yeah, Talker United yesterday announced that Neil Warnock's 18-day stint in charge of the club has come to an end because they found a replacement, Jimmy Ball.

23:19I don't think it's... Man and Ball! I think it's weird that you get someone like Neil Warnock to help you out, but he's only there for like three weeks. What's he doing? What's the remuneration package? You'd usually sort of like... I think it was pro bono, he said. Was it really? A pro bono contract. Was it really? Don't these positions end up as director of football? You help out for a bit and then you move upstairs. Maybe they don't have an upstairs at that level. Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't. Do you know that Jimmy Ball, by the way, is the son of Alan Ball? Lovely. Oh, squeaky Alan Ball, the FA Cup.

23:54Squeaky Alan Ball. The World Cup winning player, Alan Ball. He had a very squeaky voice. coming up after this Liverpool come from behind to be fair he did he did haven't you you can't deny it coming up after this Liverpool come from behind to beat Galatasaray

24:31of Dominic Sobber's Live Free Kick. More panellists than Chelsea have players. And unlike VAR, we know where to draw the line. For fine margins, fun debates and full-blooded tackles, Football Weekly. Listen wherever you get your podcasts and watch the full episodes on YouTube. Youth mental health is a complex challenge that requires comprehensive solutions. We must strengthen after-school programs. We must make digital literacy tools available in our schools. We must work with mental health professionals to support children. And we must empower mentors, educators, and parents to keep kids happy.

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25:43That's TommyJohn.com slash COMFORT. TommyJohn. Comfort perfected. Hi, this is Matt from P1 with Matt and Tommy, and this episode is sponsored by eBay. The cars you'll find on eBay are just different. They come with a story that you can't wait to share. Like this 1973 Dodge Charger on eBay that's been tucked away in an Arizona barn for over 40 years, only 55 ,000 miles, and somehow in great running order. It even has a rare sunroof. Suddenly a car that was hidden for decades is being delivered in just a few clicks with eBay's secure purchase. All the paperwork handled. There are thousands of cars on eBay, from unique finds like the Pontiac Grand Prix SJ to daily drivers, and now with a new way to buy them.

26:27eBay. Things people love.

26:54Enjoyable. Alright, well, Liverpool are joining Arsenal as the only British side to reach the Champions League quarterfinals. Like you say, you know, you get to a certain level and the Premier League sides get schooled a little bit. This is the first time four teams from the same nation have been knocked out at the same stage in the Champions League. But Liverpool did the business. This was a cakewalk for Liverpool, wasn't it? Yeah, Liverpool for Galatasaray-Nil, a real cakewalk. Sobberslight, Shobberslight. How do I keep on getting that man's name wrong? You said it the same way twice. Shobberslight.

27:26Keep saying the same thing. Sir Bozlie, I would say. Sir Bozlie, that's how you say it, for crying out loud. First name, Dominic. Dominic's easier. Dominic with a K. It's a good name. Use it. That's the K. Sir Bozlie. Sir Bozlie powers win. What? Sir Bozlie. Sir Bozlie is fine, as long as I say it. It's the same thing. That's what you were annoyed with. I almost... You started this. That's how you said it twice. And then... When... What is a cuck chair? When Luke corrected you, you were like, no, my way's better. It's the Marcus Ware. Yeah, he was something else, whoever he is. He's never got to the quarterfinals before and he's up for it.

28:06If they can sort of harness him a little bit more. He's been their best friend. They've been harnessed to him. He just works so bloody hard, Vish. Yeah, but even then, it's classy work. Even the opening goal, clearly a set, something they've worked on in training, ball across the front of the box, he runs onto it. It didn't seem like the ball was quite there, so he just hit it with his left foot into the bottom corner instead of his right. It felt like Liverpool were pretty close to scoring about 75 goals last night. That's definitely... It was wild. That felt like their most devastating performance over the season.

28:45I think it probably would rival some of their performances last season as well because they was so fluid. It feels like everyone knew where the other player would be. Like some of the first time through balls, you know, breaking lines initially or just, you know, getting the ball into break, any offside trap that by the end Galatasaray just abandoned because we just got to let this happen to us. You can't fight against the tide, can you? But yeah, like it was really quite remarkable, especially because I turned over at halftime in the Spurs game and saw Salah miss the penalty. I thought, oh, this could be interesting.

29:16And it was interesting for a different way. Hell of a finish from Salah. That was a great goal. The penalty was diabolical. It was really bad. But the goal he scored was like a proper flashback to vintage Mo Salah. It's crazy, isn't it, how you think of the modern player or any footballer really throughout history is that technique is the thing that you can lean on when your form isn't particularly good. Whereas Salah's technique improves with his form because he's a diabolical striker of the ball for someone who has as many goals as he has. And then every now and again pulls out something like that.

29:49It's like he, if you were to dish out a kind of weakness to his game, which is crazy to say because he's been so good, as it pertains to his technique and it's like he kind of snatches and rushes shots quite a lot, doesn't he? And he doesn't necessarily realise how much time he's got. But then he'll do that, the goal he scored last night, and it's just like, that is vintage Salah. And I think also there might be a little bit of, obviously they'll be delighted to get through to the next round and the fans will be happy overall. But there might be a bit of kind of annoyance at like, because Galatasaray are top of the league in Turkey.

30:22They're used to winning games. The Turkish league is nowhere near as strong as the Premier League. We know that. But Galatasaray are capable of giving teams a bloody nose. We saw that in the first leg against Liverpool, right? So, fair enough, they're stronger at home. But they've scored 62 goals domestic this season. They've only conceded 18. They are used to winning games. They're a confident team. And they were completely taken apart by Liverpool at Anfield last night. the annoyance might be why are we not playing like this regularly but that talking about that performance vision and saying how it how it kind of putting it in in last season's context right the last game they played before this game was one of the worst of a performances you'll see for a long time against a Spurs side who were so bereft of confidence so down their luck and they still couldn't get it done and Spurs looked like a decent side against them it's a weird It's a weird puzzle to solve that.

31:14When we're doing this job and you talk about Liverpool all the time because you have to, usually when you talk about a team, you can kind of work out what's going on even if you haven't got all the information. You can go, I think they're a bit like this or a bit like that. And Liverpool are just impossible to work out. They are impossible to work out. It's so unpredictable. Looking at the match last night and how intense they were, do you not just think it's about the high press doesn't work anymore in the Premier League but it works in the Champions League because teams from leagues like Turkey, don't expect it quite so much.

31:44I don't know, because I don't watch enough Turkish football. I think, yeah, I mean, nor do I, but if you apply it broadly to how teams have done in Europe, I appreciate this round isn't a great time to make this point, but it feels like they, you know, they come across different challenges, league domestically, and in the league in particular, as they were against Spurs, they were just quite standoffish. And here, with that midfield four of McAllister, Soberslay, Gravenberg, and Wurtz, they were able to just all have the ball and do stuff with it and come forward as a four and go back as a four.

32:17And they can't really do that in the Premier League. Or certainly they haven't done it in the Premier League. But I also don't think there is a kind of room to do that because of what you say. It's just different. I don't necessarily think teams are better at resisting the press in the Premier League, but I think teams are just less ambitious. Galatasaray was still, you know, as soon as Liverpool got that second goal, Galatasaray had to go at Liverpool and then it just completely opened up. Yeah. There was a lot of love for, I mean, pretty much every player. I mean, man for man, it was like the best Liverpool performance this season, you'd say, like you said, possibly as good as some of them from last season.

32:50A lot of love for like McAllister. I don't really know how to assess McAllister. I don't really know like what his ideal, ideal position is. And therefore, I don't know how to extrapolate like, oh, he's good at sitting back. He's obviously a good passer. He plays slightly for the forward last night. Yeah. Obviously a good passer, like plays deep generally when they're in the Premier League, but like isn't like a tackler, like he battles a bit. A bit Tonali-esque in that sense. A little bit, a little bit. I suppose like Tonali is a bit, bit everywhere, but I feel like just as a unit, they, they worked really well.

33:25Like versus, you know, his floating role seems to be more, especially for the goal that Salah eventually scores. It felt like a lot of his work is like looking around and being like, well, where, where should like who needs the most help in that front line? He does over there. I'll go over and support him. Indeed. Well, did you see Noah Lang's hand injury? That looked really nasty. He was stretched off late in the game after slicing his finger on the advertising hoardings. Should that be happening? I sometimes feel like those... I'm surprised freak injuries like that don't happen. Quite. And I think sometimes you see players running full power.

33:59I didn't see the action incident. I just saw the aftermath. But you see a lot of players who are quick and strong, obviously at the top level of football, and they run full penalty to keep a ball in play or something, the amount of times they bundle over down into the advertising hall, to me it feels like that might be a kind of bubbling under safety issue. If you look at the advertising boards, the electronic ones that the Etta had, they're double-sized, and the top bits of them, and this sounds mental, the top bits of them do look quite sharp. You'd wonder why there's not some kind of buffer.

34:30Not when you get on the tube. Well, they're double-sized, but it's like two rows of... It works from perspective, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. but the exactly but my point being that you could bundle over one of them into the other one yes spectacular yeah sparks I just want sparks to come out when you hit them his finger was hanging off by the look of it well it could be the full damn burn the sparks could fuse it back on yeah they could yeah good point you know when they got the tube now and there's like the tube network's quite old and so there's like low hanging ceilings and stuff and they put those kind of foam things on it It should be like that.

35:05Put some foam on it. The tube puts what? Form hanging? I'm talking to two short people. You don't notice. Basically, somebody, producer Rory is about six foot five. They'll know what I'm talking about. Certain parts of the tube network, the ceiling is quite low when you're getting up into the escalator or whatever. Oh, so they put temporary kind of like sort of soft little pillows for your head. It's been there ever since I've been in London. It's been there. Now it's permanent temporary as they say. Yeah, but it's like foam buffers. Right. Why am I struggling to explain foam buffers to you, Peter?

35:34I just don't think that's the word for it. Because you're a man of chaos. You know those videos of people taking their dogs and getting them to look up to see the sky for the first time? Yeah. It's kind of how I feel right now, yeah. Showing me the time. It's a very dusty world for you tall people, isn't it? You said on the tube today, when you spend your time, do you have your face stuck in other people's armpits quite a lot? He loves it. Not often, but yeah, this was a very armpit-y. That's how we're energised. We've got... Yes. What have we got with today? It's lovely for a listener, that noise.

36:02Links Africa. Thank you very much. Well, speaking of hand injuries, Galatasaray fans were spotted in Liverpool, despite the fact they weren't allowed into the actual stadium. They were spotted letting off flares and fireworks in Liverpool the night before the game. So, just things to do. That's our hotel. Don't do it there. And the manager complained about the ref. Yes, he did. Even though the club's fans have behaved so badly, they're banned. Yes. In a game where they smashed Juventus 5-2, was it? Or was it the away game maybe they got in trouble for? I can't really remember. But it's like, if you're complaining about the referee and that performance, you might be a bit deluded.

36:40Yeah. Because I don't think any referee, I mean, it could be fucking Thanos. He ain't going to stop you getting beat by Liverpool there. Was he saying that, you know, he was wrong to disallow Van Dijk's goal? Which he fucking was, by the way. Which he 100 % was. There's not a foul on that at all. Incredible decision, that. No idea what Van Dijk's done wrong there. I mean, Pete, you're probably rubbing your hands together because you've cursed him. That's probably partly why. I did actually curse him. Cursed himself with Paul Fom. Who have you cursed though? I think I cursed in the Everton... He cursed Saka at the weekend.

37:08I cursed Saka at the weekend. That worked. He had a pretty poor game, didn't he? I mean, they won in the end, but... Who else have you cursed? I've not done my second one yet. I'm going to be thinking about who I'm going to be cursing soon. So watch this space. You've definitely cursed Nick Voltamato, haven't you? All right. Well, speaking of scintillating, irresistible football teams, Spurs won a game. What?

37:39Do you want your soccer analysis more direct than an Arsenal set piece? Join me, Max Rushton, and the Guardian's expert soccer journalist for the latest action and news from the Premier League to the Champions League and all the way to the World Cup. We'll have chat more out of the box than a Dominic Sobber's live free kick, more panellists than Chelsea have players, and unlike VAR, we know where to draw the line. For fine margins, fun debates, and full-blooded tackles, Football Weekly, listen wherever you get your podcasts and watch the full episodes on YouTube. Hi, this is Matt from P1 with Matt and Tommy, and this episode is sponsored by eBay.

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39:24Welcome back to the Football Ramble. What? I mean Spurs won a match under Igor Tudor in the Champions League against Atletico Madrid none of those words make sense to me they went toe to toe with Atletico Madrid and they won yeah 3-2 on the night 5-7 on our aggregate so the Madrid side obviously go through wow it's I understand Atletico Madrid aren't as good on the road and I was listening to Andy yesterday talking about their travails on the road and stuff so fine but I did not see this performance coming from Spurs at all. I know that they conceded goals. I know they got pulled apart occasionally.

40:06But, I mean, if they play like that for the rest of the season, there is not a chance they're being relegated. And I was starting to feel that they might actually get relegated. If they can replicate it against Forest, then they are fine. They're going to be safe. They're going to be home and hosed. Because last night, in large parts of that game, against a good team, they were genuinely good. Yeah. Would you say that, Fish? Yeah, definitely. I think the green shoots from Liverpool I didn't think would carry across not least because it felt like Liverpool let Spurs get into the game from the draw on the weekend.

40:42But yeah, I think there's been a lot of chat about Spurs fans giving up on the team already. The lack of attendance or rather, you know, the lower attendance and there were a few empty seats last night as well. They can't sell on the tickets and the exchange. It's been really difficult for them. So, yeah, the way they came out, the fact that Xavi Simons had an excellent game, he did grow into. The fact that, obviously we talked about Gray a lot. He's been one of the more consistent players this season and yeah, he was outstanding. But even like Colin Moani and Mathis Tell, they played really well together.

41:21I was quite surprised. I think they flat to deceive, especially Tell. I would say that if Tell squares that ball when it's 1-0 about like 40 minutes in, that is 2-0. It's the big turning point in the game. When he doesn't do that, I was like, I think this is done. It's the biggest turning point across the two games. Yeah. It's a great move, isn't it? Yeah, brilliant. Front to back, Gray does outstandingly well to take it out from right back. And he's at the back post. There's two players at the back post. He's just got to square it. It's 2-0. And when it's 2-0, you start to see what color outlet of Gun Madrid's pants are.

41:51because if their pants are brown Spurs should go through they'll be pitch black like the manager's suits because that's going to be the most fun any Spurs fans had this season and it wasn't a full stadium but you go two zip against them and they're not that good away from home and they've got their weaknesses and Spurs tails are up you can't believe you're saying this about Spurs given what we've seen in the last few weeks and months I didn't know the tail had a hinge exactly I thought it was calcified pointing downwards absolutely firmly between the legs but the the the two if it goes 2-0 it's every chance there's every chance and I think it's a really really I mean criticise Tell because it's probably one of his better performances and he did okay and Archie Gray's been great all season Simmons he's looked more at home in the Champions League anyway yeah when he's been knocking over they've been knocking over Copenhagen teams like that but he was excellent they have to use him a bit more.

42:52They've got to squeeze that lovely Dutch Stroopwafel until the caramel comes out. For all that creativity. The football match coffee cup. Exactly. Just to get that gooey creativity out. But one of the things that's been kind of interesting is that in key games for Spurs in recent weeks, Tudor's not been starting Zimons. He's not been starting him. So, I mean, he starts him last night and he's amazing. As he came into the club, he started getting he started getting minutes because of his form and then he sort of fell out of favour again didn't he a little bit well he felt he felt he felt really lightweight he felt like when they were really lacking lacking a ball carrier he was the obvious one who needed to step up because they had so many injuries and they lost players and stuff they had a difficult run of games as well and he couldn't he couldn't do it but he's finally starting to find his feet that's the first game they've won at home since January it's been two months So it's definitely the most fun they would have had this season in terms of the fan base.

43:54It's a really weird thing because the first leg was so disastrous. You think, okay, second leg, you're at home, win the game, get a bit of pride. I actually wonder whether there's a part of Spurs fans, if they're being honest with themselves, part of their moment, they're thinking, that's a bit of a missed opportunity. Let's not run before we can walk. No, no, but they played well. It's their best performance of the season probably. And there was opportunities, as Vicious said, where they could have really forced the issue, and it would have been interesting to see how Atletico Madrid dealt with it.

44:23That said, in patches, Atletico were brilliant as well. Julian Alves was a fucking excellent. He was so good. So good. His feet, I mean, the goal he didn't score would have been one of the goals of the Champions League season. It was fucking amazing the work he did. When he gets to the byline, and then you're like, oh, he's going to square it. And then just because of the perspective on TV, you don't realise that there's actually a sliver of extra byline that he's able to work on. Yeah, wild. The amazing control in that tight space to find that gap was incredible. I also think one of the other key moments of the game, that was genuinely impressive, was that Vicario save off a deflected shot.

45:01Oh, yeah, yeah. From Simeone, yeah. It was incredible. I mean, the way that he has to... I mean, he's already going down. It would have been a great save if it hadn't just been deflected. He committed to the dive and he had to get a hand up. and there's been a lot of conversation about one commentary on this very show recently. A lot of cruelness being dispatched to presenters who were just doing their job in difficult circumstances but you're the difficult circumstance but Joe Hart obviously a keeper himself he got very excited about it

45:36Now that sounds funny I love that because Joe Hart's that's the most excited and pumped I've ever heard him. I don't think you can be... Even when they won the league. What about when he wanted the ball back from the ball boy? That's a good point, actually. I think he's a good lad, Joe Hart. He seems pretty sound. I can't get past how good his posture is. You see him in the punditches? He is bolt upright. It's like he spent fucking 10 years in the military. Whenever anybody mentions posture, everyone just slowly starts to stop. Don't get me on the wide. I love Joe Hart. That's languishing. That's lounging around.

46:12Yeah, that's a little bit casual. That's a little bit loose, man. With the criticism I've chucked out at commentators... Here he is. ...on Tuesday, I did it again yesterday on Twitter. I just thought Matterface let himself down in the Chelsea game. And I like Sam Matterface. I know him. I think he's a nice fella. You talked about this yesterday on the show, but he just... No, I tweeted it yesterday. No, no, sorry. I think Pete mentioned it on the show. Yeah, Pete did as well. He refused to name him like it was fucking Macbeth. I know, yeah, exactly. Because Pete's frightened. That's the problem.

46:40I just forget everyone's names. You've got a platform. You can cause merry hell with it. This is a platform. Use it. But all you ever do is... Don't tell me that. Stress me out. All you do is cause merry hell for yourself. It's all waste. On X as well, which is the original, you know. The point that was made, if those haven't heard yesterday's show, and, you know, I've said the same thing on Twitter, is that that goal that Barclay scores for PSG, it's a great goal. It deserves better than, oh dear. And Sam is a Chelsea fan, right? So he's going to get criticism if he approaches it in that way.

47:08And I just pointed that out. You can have an idea and then launch into something, but he didn't. He didn't. But yesterday, I don't think you can criticise commentary or co-commentators for getting excited because they're genuinely excited because they love it, which is what Hart was doing there. So I don't hate that. I think there's a difference is what I'm saying. But also, he got really excited in the moment and was connected to it emotionally and then immediately afterwards explained why it was such a good save. Which is what he's there for, right? Exactly. And I think Vicario could hopefully take, if I was Vicario after the months I've been having, I would be watching that on the loop all day today.

47:38because that is a great kind of instinctive save which is going to help to rebuild his confidence. It's going to help him forget that he's got a pair of fucking flippers on his feet and he can't kick the ball and his decision-making is diabolical. He needs to get out of his system. Don't listen to this. He's going to get out of his system for the Forest game because... Can we get that on a canva? Yeah. The final point I wanted to make is this is good, but they've still gone out and it means fuck all, the square root of fuck all, if they don't beat Forest at the weekend, which is in turn it's a six pointer isn't it they're in a position now where these games become the biggest games of their season for really really important reasons I mean the thing is like it's they could have done with a run of games probably the international break probably not coming to a great time for them because they've got Nottingham Forest at the weekend if they manage to get through that they've got Sunderland who are kind of ailing at this moment in time you've got Brighton you've got Wolves you've got you know Leeds United it seems like they've got a run of games where they can really sort of pick up some points, but they are going to have to sort of be a bit more creative, probably through someone like Jarry Simmons, to get points on the board.

48:44They just need confidence, Pete. They do. They've obviously got players missing, blah, blah, blah. This Forest game, if they start off poorly and they're still leggy after this game, because last night was exciting and it went the full distance and all the rest of it, and Atletico give them the runaround on occasion, and they haven't got a huge amount of reserves to call on, if they start slowly against Forest, who have been profligate and who have not been great, but will be fucking up for it, the fans will turn again. Because the fans, I can't believe this. This is the biggest game of our season and we're turning in this shit.

49:19It starts to get tricky. But you're right to talk about Sunderland. They found it really tough at home. Their whole season has been, you know, based on how good they are at home and that's started to drop off now. They're starting to fall away. And they've got winnable home games. If they win, you know, against Brighton, against Leeds, against Everton at home, obviously they'll stay in the league. I think after what they've seen last night, they've given themselves a great platform to stay in the league. And they have to back it up at the weekend. Well, Mickey Van Der Ven has rejected claims that he's sauntering around, saying he doesn't care about Spurs, and is moving to Barcelona.

49:52He said it's more of a sachet. Thank you very much, he said. Yeah, I found that a pointless line of questioning. But, I mean, he's not realistically going to say, yeah, that was me. Oh, you noticed, did you? I was sauntering. I fucking love a saunter, mate. Yeah, I'm the one who's been going on. Have you seen the film Dead Man's Shoes? With Paddy Constantine, he plays like a really, really frightening bloke. Yeah, he finds out that his brother's been, he comes back from the army and he finds out his brother's been bullied by a local kind of hoodlums. And the hoodlums are used to kind of running things.

50:23Running things, yeah. And Paddy Constantine's character comes back who's just, he's brutal. He's not scared of anything. And the big leader of the gang goes up to him in a famous scene and starts talking about the things that he's done. And Paddy Constantine just looks at him and goes, yeah, that was me. and the guy's like was it? Right, he doesn't know what to do. Imagine if Mickey Van der Ven did that. Yeah. There's been reports that you've been walking around the training ground saying that you don't give a fuck and you're going to bar, yeah that was me. Yeah, and email, I've emailed people.

50:47Gary Cottrell would shit himself inside out. He wouldn't know what to fucking do. I spray painted it on a wall. He'd actually be able to, Gary Cottrell would be able to catch up with Van der Ven as he was going to his car because Van der Ven would be sauntering. Sauntering, exactly. He wouldn't break, he wouldn't break into a run at any point. Mind you, it would be the low point for anyone's career running away from Gary Cotterell, wouldn't it? I mean, even one of the biggest laughing stocks in English football in recent memory, Eric Ten Hag, still managed to make Gary Cotterell look like a laughing stock by being himself.

51:15Yeah, agreed. May night's a big club, Eric. Remember that. You're a big club now, Eric. Eric! What about the fans? I mean, we'll round up on the English teams that have gone out over the last 24 hours. We lost four English teams. We lost Man City, Newcastle, Spurs, and obviously Chelsea. You know, a quick line from each one. Bad day at the office of Man City. That kind of can happen. Newcastle, probably where you'd expect them to be. Spurs, shouldn't have been there. Silly. And Chelsea, just a bit of a write-off. It's kind of, this is all to be expected. What was the final one? The right teams went through.

51:51What was the final one? Bit of a write-off. Bit of a write-off. Chelsea. Yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. None of them should have gone through, is my point. explicitly not a tax write-off Chelsea cannot claim that cannot claim that former Spurs captain Harry Kane scored an eye-catching goal last night his Bayern Munich won 4-1 and 10-2 on aggregate over Atalanta it was his 50th Champions League goal but for me absolute coward for not going in bins yeah some of us went duty calls in the Essex over 50s league how old are you again? 45 next month yeah the youngest player there the youngest player there technically illegally playing The youngest and the shortest, and they're putting you in goal.

52:33What does that tell you? It's a testament to my commitment. What does that tell you about regional detective series? There's too many of them. Can I just say Bayern Munich versus Real Madrid for me is the pick. Actually, do you know what? Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, or Paris Saint-Germain, Liverpool, because that's a replay of a few couple of years ago. It's starting to get good. It's starting to get blue chip. To be fair, the fact that this round wasn't good is very much on the English teams. I think it was good for that reason. Yeah, yeah. But he's talking about competitive. A lot of goals though.

53:05The only regret I've got going into the quarter finals is I would have bloody loved to have seen Bodo Glimm have a good old run up at Arsenal. Yeah. And they let themselves down there. No, that's kind of funny though. They'll get people to the Arctic Circle and be like, oh look, they don't like it here. As soon as it gets into double digits in Lisbon, fall apart. They wilt. Like a wicked witch of the West. They wilt. Well, yeah, as you said, Bayern Munich will be playing Real Madrid in the next round. former Real Madrid player, let's leave with this little story. Chicharito has been posting cooking videos on TikTok.

53:34Your obsession with Chicharito is quite interesting, Peter. He is a prick. Yeah. And, yeah, he's doing a little bit of cooking. I hate everything he stands for. I hate everything he stands for on his Instagram page. And, ooh, little peas belong in the kitchen. Yeah. He's a very regressive. How good is the video compared with the Brooklyn Beckham cooking videos? Which is one of my favourite content on the Instagram. He's going through the Brooklyn Beckham arc, but he does seem to know a bit more about food. You know, like Brooklyn Beckham made a grilled cheese with onions and mushrooms. Yeah. He made a grilled cheese, which is basically mostly mushrooms.

54:08There's a great guy on the Instagram called Connor Someone. He's like a comedian slash chef. He does voiceovers of Brooklyn Beckham's videos. And he's doing it like a deadpan way, like he's talking to Brooklyn in his ear. So he's like, okay, yeah, go ahead. Don't season that. Go ahead. So basically put as much stock in as you can right near the end. Okay, so basically you're now just drinking stock. Okay, get the blowtorch out for no reason. Just chop up 400 mushrooms. He does that all the time. It's really good. Well worth a watch. Wonderful. Well, all right. Well, thank you for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creator Network.

54:43We'll be back tomorrow for the preview show, so look out for that. Are you on that, Vish? Yes. Ask me and you again. Come on. I'm probably going to have to host after last week's performance, I expect. Very good point. Let's wait and see. All right, well, say goodbye, Vish. Bye. Say goodbye, Luke. Goodbye. And it's goodbye from Digital Markers. What is BDSM?

55:12It's good that you've just voiced all his recent Google searches. The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

55:28Do you want your soccer analysis more direct than an Arsenal set piece? Join me, Max Rushton, and the Guardian's expert soccer journalists for the latest action and news from the Premier League to the Champions League and all the way to the World Cup. We'll have chat more out of the box than a Dominic Sobber's Live free kick, more panellists than Chelsea of players, and unlike VAR, we know where to draw the line. For fine margins, fun debates, and full-blooded tackles, Football Weekly, listen wherever you get your podcasts and watch the full episodes on YouTube. Youth mental health is a complex challenge that requires comprehensive solutions.

55:59We must strengthen after-school programs. We must make digital literacy tools available in our schools. We must work with mental health professionals to support children. And we must empower mentors, educators, and parents to keep kids happy. Learn more about our commitment to finding lasting solutions at empowerourfuturecoalition.com slash solutions. Paid for by the coalition to empower our future. Guys, it's no use putting it off. The best time for an underwear refresh is now. Tommy John underwear is designed for a perfect fit that stays put all day. There's zero chafe thanks to four times more stretch than competing brands.

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