Can we sanction this buffoonery?

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2:54Pete Donaldson: Panic on the streets of London, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. England got a win and Scotland got a point. It's Monday 8th of September. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I'm Vinusha the Hunter Raja.

3:18Pete Donaldson: Easy, easy, very easy. Oh, how are we doing, chaps? Yeah, I'm still riding high on the crest of that wave. Peter, an England victory. A victory for Garcia with an on-call. A victory for everyone. A victory for everyone who said, we need Harry Kane on that field. But he was on the field. He was causing a nuisance, wasn't he? Yes. With his very presence. Indeed. Let's get straight to it then. England to Andorra. Zero. are pretty too vicious. And or aren't the leaky side they used to be. The last time they lost by five goals was four years ago to England. Since then, they've conceded an average of just over two goals per qualifier and they've only conceded four twice in that time.

4:01Pete Donaldson: A 2-0 victory is not to be sniffed at. I feel like there's an answer you're looking for here. You might as well give it yourself. I think you're leading the people who are deciding this. Yeah. All of our Scottish listeners right now are going, are you fucking kidding me? Has it come to this for them? Are they really claiming this? Only the people who have never listened to us before, Jim. I thought Ike Alvarez in the Andorra goal was actually pretty good. Yeah. But he should have conceded more than two goals. Yes. Put it that way. I think it was a very professional job when actually one with a bit more flair would have done.

4:39Yeah. And I think that's okay to say. Take Jordan out of the goal. Just put him up somewhere. which we've got two Jordans

4:46Pete Donaldson: well exactly the one in the goal the goalkeeper you did clarify and I should have known a professional job is a description I haven't heard in the press but I think that's a fair assessment I mean bear in mind Serbia away I don't use that as a compliment though a professional job is normally a compliment I know it normally is what I'm saying is like England call it an unprofessional job then semi-professional job it was professional in that they had to win the game they won it by 2k goals and then you factor in the opposition. It's almost you strip away the context and it's a professional job.

5:17And it needn't have been because there's other things that England should be building towards that they, I felt they didn't build towards.

5:23Pete Donaldson: Were you disappointed in your man Eberrecheese? I was, ultimately, I was kind of veering between disappointed for the whole and then actually looking at it pragmatically and realising that actually what I wanted from the game was never going to be the case considering the front six of what only two of them in Declan Rice and Harry Kane are guaranteed to their places which means the other four are unlikely to do anything out of step which is what you want really like add a bit of their own personal flair Ado Eke seems to be up for that's just how he plays but there was always an element of him that he you know he was probably the most expressive of the other four players who aren't guaranteed to their spot he likes playing against Andorra he does he does yeah and if we do more of that then fair play to us and to him as well after the game Thomas Tuchel said I'm absolutely convinced that we're on the right path Jim watching that game Do we take anything from this?

6:16Pete Donaldson: Realistically, I think you don't, right? Because we say it every tournament, don't we? The qualifying campaigns, be that the form, often the results and the performances against teams like this, they're essentially just irrelevant, aren't they? Really. I think, you know, we're not going to come up against a team like Andorra. Possibly we will come up against tactics like that. And essentially, England got on with the job of breaking that down, right? and just kind of essentially like just attacking the cracks in their rear guard throughout the whole game. So I think there's only so much you can learn from it.

6:47Pete Donaldson: If England had won that game 5-0, you know, if maybe Ezza and Anderson put their chances away and it's 4-0, for example, we're not going, yeah, we're really on the right track now, aren't we? We're going to sort of tear some teams apart. I think the reaction's pretty much exactly the same. Again, if it's 1-0 from an own goal, you're thinking, oh, blimey, we might have some problems scoring. but this is about as kind of, about as banal as a result that you can get. But then you look at like Belgium, Spain, even like Greece, they're knocking them in, knocking course in for fun Portugal. And we're sort of putting up with this.

7:21It's all a bit of a shame really. I know the brief informs the performance and the brief for Thomas Tuchel isn't about this massive revolution, isn't about however many times he said it in the pre kind of qualifying presses that he needs to change the way that England play just simply because it's a one tournament contract and the whole job is winning football matches isn't it I suppose so would I have wanted to see more of a plan B without you know maybe a team playing without Harry Kane because chances are we might be without him at certain times during a tournament and have no idea how we're supposed to play without him yes I would have liked to have seen that but that's clearly not the brief from the FA and it's clearly not Thomas Tuchel's job Did you like seeing former Newcastle United man Elliot Anderson?

8:05It was good I mean he played a lot deeper and stuff I think I said before he has the sort of tendency to be a bit you know just absolute Captain Marvel just running around everywhere he possibly can run but I think he played very very well indeed he probably should have scored but yeah that was a great save from the keeper it was it was

8:19Pete Donaldson: he probably should have done he should have scored really I was slightly behind him but as Vish said the keeper did make some good saves he's better further up the field I would have liked to have seen him there rather than where he was well yeah we were talking about this Luke and I on the Rambling and Pod last week that Elliot Anderson can play in that deep line role in the midfield, as can Declan Rice. And often Rice does it for England, has done. But what you've seen Declan Rice do, particularly last season for Arsenal, I know he's been doing it for a while for Arsenal. I just think, you know, as we say now, as a six, he's very, very good as an eight.

8:54Pete Donaldson: He's one of the best in the world, I think. So therefore, I would want him playing in that eight, Jim. So if that means curbing Elliott's enthusiasm, or, I mean, Adam Morton was the one, really. But Elliott, you know, obviously it's only Andorra. but you've got to go on these little snippets and these little sort of trials, if you like. He took to it. He did. And what Rice has been doing in the Arsenal midfield from the early stages of the season has been that him and Martin Zubomendi have been dovetailing a bit and swapping over who is kind of dropping deeper and who is going a bit forward. So when one stays, one goes.

9:25Pete Donaldson: So when one stays, one goes, indeed. So I mean, tactics are cyclical. They certainly are at the moment. More on which in a minute. Yeah, so I think Anderson might be quite well suited to doing a similar thing. So, yeah, we'll see if one stays and one goes. That's if the ball's in play for long enough. And we're just going to farm Jude Bellingham out on the left. Which only happened for one tournament, Paul Sculls fans. Don't obscure all of history. This, you were going to say something. Yeah, I mean, I think we've spoken about this before, specifically with Declan Rice, but that's part of international football, isn't it?

9:55You don't get to arrive and be like, well, I do this and I'm only doing this. I play for a big team. They let me do this. I don't know why you're not, Thomas. so yeah I mean that's part of the give and take like to go back to what I was saying before about what they could have got out of it I understand that as I alluded to like obviously there are a lot of injuries and there aren't this isn't like a starting 11 if England started a tournament with this team you'd be a bit like jeez this is there's a lot of injuries here how has this happened but we're basically in a situation where they could have I don't know he could have given more minutes to Wally Watkins he could have given more minutes to Jared Bowen and it's not necessarily that we need to learn anything from them but what's the harm in pumping their tyres up?

10:41None at all.

10:42Pete Donaldson: It wouldn't shock me if he starts Bowen actually against Serbia. Yeah, fair. Because he's often forgotten about because I know that's not the chat here. It might be. We will also, sorry to interrupt there. I was interrupting you. But we will find out about the players he didn't play on the weekend after the Serbia game because as you say he might have been saving them for what will be the sternest test of the lot. I do think it's a team in service of Harry Kane sometimes and it's goal records because I don't think we need to know any more that we already know about Harry Kane. The rest of the side don't have any goals in them really.

11:17Maduweke, Rashford's not scoring. Anthony Gordon came on. He doesn't score goals at this point in time. So I think we're actually going to find ourselves in a tournament where we're actually struggling to get the ball in the net and the only person who can seem to do it is Harry Kane who is a depleting force. He's still not there yet.

11:34Pete Donaldson: We are going to talk about the striker situation on tomorrow's mailbag. We've got a question about that. But you're right to bring it up, Peter. I think with Kane, I mean, he clearly just wants to score as many goals as possible for England and make sure that if he's saying he hasn't got the Premier League all-time record, well, I'll bloody get the England one and give a lot of clear blue water between him and anybody else. But I agree with you. I think in a game like Andorra, you can surely start someone else. I think in a qualifier, though, surely you've got to start your best players. Yeah.

12:00But I think this is... I think we're allowed to talk about this particular game differently, aren't we? I think so, probably. We're not speaking out of turn by saying that we could have played, England could have played another striker there. Do you think we'll get to a point in the back end of this season where because of what lies ahead, England don't pick him. Harry Kane, that is. Let him rest in these international breaks. Given what we saw from him during Euro 2024, where he was off his feet from the get-go. I mean, there was an injury there that he had. There was, but he plays every single game.

12:32the season that's how it works

12:33Pete Donaldson: giving him all of the game against Andorra you know when Rice gets I'm going to give him time off what I'm saying is like Thomas Tuchel if he is really thinking about this like one composition frame of mind then as soon as qualifications turn up you know what we don't need you I know you want these records and that's great how does the World Cup sound but isn't there an argument as well though that however kind of settled and balanced the team might seem like it is to us if Harry Kane is going to be the guy who plays in the tournament the players around him have to get used to it and those connections need to be fostered.

13:05I think a lot of them are already used to it. I don't think it should change that much.

13:08Pete Donaldson: I mean, there might be an argument there that I think Jim's saying because if he is saying, right, let's say what's Eze like in a number 10, you know, well, let him at least be on glancing terms with Kane in front of him. I know they do training sessions for this sort of thing, but the match is the match. But also though, to kind of expand that though, wouldn't it be nice for Eze to play with Oli Watkins, in front of him for a little bit or get used to it I mean to me when England go 2-0 up and there's 25 or so minutes left in the game just take Kane off and bring on Watkins is the guy we're talking about here and especially when Andorra were playing so narrowly like you could sort of beat men on the outside because there just wasn't there was just so much room out on the wing so just to have and whip balls like they were saying on I think Roy Keane was very focal about it just get it whipped he was if you've got Harry Keane there do it well as I say we're going to talk about Kane and the striker situation more on tomorrow's mailbag.

14:01Pete Donaldson: But you're saying about those whipped balls in, I mean, Thomas Tuchel said, crosses are back. And my goodness, that's where the two England goals came from, Jim. Are you happy that crosses are back? I didn't realise they'd gone away. No, no. So I suppose it's happy news. Rhys James is cross. It was a beauty. And that's maybe the reason why Trent Alexander-Arnold would be very worried about his place in the England side. But the statistics that show you the amount of crosses per game in the Premier League from the years leading up to, say, peak Guardiola and Man City. And it is quite stark how they've dropped off.

14:37Pete Donaldson: And the funny thing is, is like a lot of these old, we think older football tactics, you know, the idea of crossing or fizzing it into the big man up top and so on and so forth. You know, some of the English managers have been saying, like Sam Allardyce has been saying, but what's wrong with getting the ball out wide and whipping across and getting the front man on the head? You know, there's nothing wrong with that tactic. I mean, Sean Dyche, I think, was doing co-coms or something for a channel abroad during the FA Cup final. And he's saying, well, if Man City are pressing, you've got to then fizz it up to Mateta and get bodies around him.

15:08Pete Donaldson: And 30 seconds later, they do that and they score. So, you know, without being too regressive about this, they're all there. It's just that which ones are the most useful? And you don't have to match up your opponent's tactics to you. I think that's where football trends often go, that everyone tries to play in the same way. And as Sean Dyche alludes to there, actually, sometimes you can have an antidote to what's in front of you and play in that different way. John Terry said this. At Chelsea, you play out from the back and he was very good at doing that as a defender, often overlooked in his ability for doing that with a general football fan.

15:43Pete Donaldson: And he said, but if there were players right up on the edge of our box who were restricting us doing that, you stick it on Drogba's chest. Do you know what I mean? Like Petticek can distribute. Most of the game is getting the ball into space. Well, exactly, Jim. Exactly. So where is the space? And when teams press, which you would imagine that they wouldn't be able to do at the World Cup next summer due to the weather and so on and the demands of it, how are you going to find the space? And what are you going to do? The issue for me is if you become too reliant on that type of game, I feel like we've seen this before when teams have perhaps run out of ideas against better teams, some defences will relish that.

16:24Pete Donaldson: They will just nod those away all day. Yeah, sure. So it can't be the entirety of your game. So Tuchel has been talking about kind of throw-ins and long balls. He said, I told you, the long throw is back but we do not have a lot of time. So he's been talking about these quite sort of old-fashioned very sort of, in air quotes, English tactics. And I just feel like all we've wanted as England fans for a long time is just for our attacking players to express themselves a bit more, just a bit more, just a bit more, use that attacking talent. And I'm actually quite grateful that Thomas Tuchel is telling us now, we ain't getting that.

17:01Pete Donaldson: We're not having that. Just don't worry about it. Get your hopes down. I mean, that is the headline, isn't it? That he's talking about turning him into like stalk of the noughties. And I mean, it is a perfect way to be an offside tribe because you can't be offside. So I understand why that's kind of being brought back in. You know, Arsenal are getting a lot of joy out from dead ball situations and stuff. But if a team sets up with such a regressive line, you're not going to get behind them anyway. So there's not really much point in talking about long throws because there's absolute noise to you.

17:32Pete Donaldson: And it also just bypasses all your creative players. It's really... Well, I mean, he was saying that there's lots of areas. I mean, Southgate in 2018 World Cup, obviously the different situation you have England, that was the only time that there was zero expectation, genuinely. It made a lot of the set pieces. and set piece routines, they practice corners and so on and so forth. I mean, I think we're too cool. I think England, you know, as England fans, you're wanting that kind of, what's the identity, what's the kind of plan, what's the way of playing? Because for so many years, you'd have one manager come in and it would be like this and another manager and you get to the tournament and it would be that sort of general kind of sort of defensiveness that certainly was in the last Euros.

18:15Pete Donaldson: Or the caution really. Yeah, which I would say was rather out of necessity with Southgate, although I think they could have done a bit more, but anyway, it's in the past now. And with Tuchel, you're thinking, okay, and you're trying to figure it out, but I suppose the argument against that is we're only four games in, and we've played four inferior sides. Okay, Albania are better than, say, Latvia or Andorra, but these are not the games England are truly going to be judged on. The games they're going to be judged on are the games we assume they're going to qualify for the World Cup. I mean, we judge them much more against Serbia away tomorrow night, for example.

18:48Pete Donaldson: but it is all about how do you get the best out of the attacking talent as you say Jim and so far it's been a little bit flat and I just think we want that little bit more of issue but then perhaps as you said at the start Scotland fans and other fans just be like oh shut up lads it's only four games and you've not conceded a goal. Yeah and there's also the thing of like Tuchel's come in and try to look at what the current identity of English football is and he's obviously looked at the Premier league because actually on the subject of throw-ins if you look at the premier league last season um there were more long throw sorry it was a high percentage of long throws last season um in the last well since the 2018-19 season um so maybe he's just looking at that and seeing how a lot of these players are playing week to week and thinking right we can probably do that yeah what is it you know dan i'm not saying dan burn's gonna start a center back but there's clearly like dan plurin plays as he does for newcastle and thomas tuckel hasn't asked him to do anything particularly different um if you look at someone like maduweke maduweke basically goes and does his little mazy runs and stuff like that um no one is really doing anything off the cuff because no one actually does none of the players who are on the field on um on saturday for that and or a game are particularly off the cuff players yeah yeah not really off the cuff actually no i think I think he gets the ball and does what he needs to do, but he's not someone who kind of like...

20:17He will play through balls because it's his job to play through balls, you know what I'm saying? Whereas someone like... I don't know, if you think of someone like... Cole Palmer maybe? Yeah, Cole Palmer. Jack Bellingham.

20:26Pete Donaldson: Jack Grealish back in the day? Yeah. But like Foden is quite... I don't appreciate why I haven't seen much of him at his very best, but even Foden at his very best is actually quite cookie cutter in his brilliance. Yeah. And I see Ezra is much of the same. he just does it with a bit more panache I suppose but yeah like you know the long throw thing the fact that everything's quite regimented he probably sees that as quite literally where the trends are going at the moment and it's kind of essentially all he needs to care about in this cycle. Do you think trends matter that much though? I think in terms of what players are used to because it makes it means he has to do less on the training field and it's less kind of I suppose there are fewer mixed messages for players who are just grooved into this week in, week out.

21:10Pete Donaldson: Well, England will be playing Serbia tomorrow night, of course. They beat Latvia 1-0 on Saturday. Duzin Vlajevic scored the only goal quite late on. Aleksandr Mitrovic came off the bench. A warning for England, the attacking talent that Serbia have. And if we're going to cross the ball, they're bloody we're going to cross the ball as well, aren't they? So make sure our crosses are better than theirs. Now, Wayne Rooney revealed last week that at his first England camp, the FA put pictures of England legends in every room the players were staying in. Rooney's had a big old picture of Kevin Keegan.

21:40Pete Donaldson: As a proud Evertonian, Rooney immediately asked them to take it down. I mean, bearing in mind he was about 17. He got all of it. I'm not having this. Is that the real reason? Yeah. That feels cursed. Yeah. Bad luck, isn't it? They replaced it with a picture of Rooney himself. Yeah, you're already in. There we go. You said that like in the way that, you know, some hotels don't have a 13th floor. Or a room 101. Exactly, yeah. Maybe that's it. All right, coming up after this, a sinkhole opens in the middle of a World Cup qualifier. Was Kevin Keegan there?

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24:32In the main, it's easier to defend than it is to create, isn't it? Explain that, please, because I don't know about that. It's easier to spoil in many ways than to create, isn't it? You asked me to build this house, I wouldn't be able to do it. But give me a few weeks, I'd be able to knock it down.

24:46Pete Donaldson: Welcome back to the Football Amal, everybody. Michael Owen on why defenders shouldn't win the Ballon d 'Or. It's the best thing he's ever said, and I totally agree. Is he getting better? I think he might be I think he might be getting better Has he started watching films? I don't know Yeah Really getting into Wes Anderson That's a fact too Yeah Thanks to friend of the Ramble John W64 For sending us that clip on Discord You can become a friend of the Ramble too For just five bucks a month Just head to Patreon.com Forward slash Football Ramble To get involved Yeah good night Nice to see I love the fact that he would say Give me a couple of weeks For the house Surely Get yourself a wrecking ball son You'd do that in an afternoon That's what I like about it though.

25:25Pete Donaldson: He's going to take his time on it. Yeah, first I'll do the china. Then I'll break the toilet seat. Yeah, he's going to be mumble about it. He's not just going to use the house collapsing to smash everything in it. He's going to just do everything. In the video clip as well, when he says that, it's great. No, no, because as he's saying, give me a couple of weeks, he's looking around the room they're in. It's okay, it can take a couple of days. Are they steel beams? I said that. I said the old studio would go down in about two hours. It took me out two days to tear it down. It's a very sort of monkey tennis, Alan Partridge-style suggestion, isn't it?

26:04Pete Donaldson: Demolition with Michael Owen. I would watch it. Well, Jim, a lot of people watch Denmark 0, Scotland 0. No goals in that one. Both houses still standing. Indeed, yes. A good point for Scotland, though. They started the World Cup qualification campaign with their trickiest tie on paper away in Copenhagen. Lyndon Dykes and Cherdoms both started up top so there was a bit of an attacking intent from old Stevie Clark in that they had forward players on the field well two of them the Craig Levine days are gone yeah it was a real statement of intent this from Steve Clark after the match Clark did say we have to keep our feet on the ground where do you think our feet are Stephen yeah they are very much on the ground we cannot get carried away with this if not in a sinkhole we'll be talking about in about five minutes people can't get used two strikers on the field at the same time.

26:54Pete Donaldson: Yeah. He was very happy, Steve Clark. He said, it's good to start the group. We've got to approach every game with the same humility and make sure we pick up as many points as we can. Always the same. Always the same. Then we'll tally it up and see if that's enough. I love that. I love the idea that no one's got access to the table until the end of the qualification. Is it three points for a win? Don't know. I hope so. How did Denmark get on? Did we get one for this? How did Denmark get on the next game? Nobody knows. At the end, we'll tally up Like we've been playing some kids board game. Get the boffins on it.

27:21Pete Donaldson: How many have you got? Steve, have you tally them up? No, I haven't yet. No, I was going to wait to the end. News has reached us from the Northern lands. It's nearly June and the World Cup's kicking off in a couple of weeks. Steve, tally them up. The thing about those two up front as well, though, they obviously like, you know, Steve Clarke, very conservative. They weren't playing, you know, he wasn't playing four at the back and two up front to, you know, put one on Denmark. and it was very much kind of from a defensive point of view like having two people to press further forward but they had their chances I mean Linden Dykes had one where he let it run across him when he could have if he if he takes the ball in with his right foot on about the hour mark he basically has a free shot on goal and he doesn't take it partly because he's Linden Dykes but apart from that like they were fairly impressive a couple of chances that Denmark had would have been ruled out for offside anyway I thought you know Ryan Christie, we spoke about him briefly on Friday, but he was excellent.

28:22And as ever, they've just got to build on it because there have been a lot of false moments within these qualifying campaigns for Scotland previously when they hadn't broken into competitions. But this was broadly quite a promising result, not least because they've scuppered Denmark.

28:37Pete Donaldson: I think it's a perfectly good result. Let's say if England were in the same group as Denmark and went away to Copenhagen and they drew... Oh, we'd be bitching about this, wouldn't we? You might, a little bit, but I think that wouldn't be disaster. You'd be tearing the house down in under two weeks. I think, you know, okay, fine. I regret mentioning England in this context. Sorry, Scotland. I think it's a good result. Scotland fans would love that. Look, if we had it, we'd be well impressed with this. I feel like it's another nil-nil victory for Scotland, like that one against England at the Euros that time.

29:04Pete Donaldson: But look, Steve Clarke is right. They need to keep their feet on the ground. Now, Belarus in the group got gubbed 5-1 by Greece in the other game in Group C. Scotland play Belarus tonight. The gauntlet is genuinely laid down because goal difference could be a thing, as it often is in these groups. So go out and hammer them. Greece have got some really good attacking talent. Well, we mentioned this, didn't we, on Friday, actually. They look a decent side, obviously one at Wembley in the Nations League. And even when England won their 3-0, Pickford makes a good set. You know, it wasn't a classic 3-0 job, if you see what I mean.

29:40Pete Donaldson: So, yeah, these are the... I mean, the Scotland fans won't like me saying this, but these are the games you've got to win against Belarus. You've got to put those games away. Because otherwise, if you don't, then, as I say, you've got two... You don't have as many points and then tally it all up. Well, exactly. We don't know exactly what the point situation is. When you extract all of the beans you put in that jar to point to your wins. You don't want to affect your tally at the end of it. We've got an email from Andrew. We're just getting in touch regarding Jim's ludicrous claim that Steve Clarke was approaching the record for most games in charge of the Scottish national team.

30:15Clarke has only managed 69 matches where the Scottish legend Selection Committee managed 231 matches between 1872 and 1953 and a further 23 matches between 1954 and 1957. I imagine Jim will issue a swift retraction and apology for disrespecting Scotland's greatest ever coach Selection Committee.

30:34Pete Donaldson: Yeah, you know what? I've been a fool here, haven't I? I haven't thought about this. I would like to... Selection Committee. I would like to apologise to the proud nation of Scotland my own grandad, we dugs, and just the whole thing. The great thing about... The committee family as well. The great thing about selection committee is that they are essentially immortal and can be reconvened at any time. So perhaps this is something that they could consider when Steve Clarke is no longer around. The big titty committee? Doing his tally. These guys? Sure. From that song? Say sorry to the big titty committee.

31:11Sorry to the big titty committee, please.

31:13Pete Donaldson: I apologise to the big titty committee. Can we stop saying titty? Is that a thing? You just added to it. I'm ready to move on to Germany, Northern Ireland. So yes, well done to Jim for apologising there. Now, Germany 3, Northern Ireland 1. For a while I thought it could be a famous point here, but for Northern Ireland they had them going for a bit and then Germany got a quick fire double in the second half. How satisfying was Price's volley for Northern Ireland? oh it was a gorgeous goal Bish it was it was especially like given the time of it as well bit before half time Germany are clearly in such a weird space that they just there is a lot of talk we think we're bad about talking about styles and like and how we want the team to play they're going through the ringer obviously they're going to do annoying stuff at the World Cup it doesn't matter but at this point in time it is very enjoyable well obviously they lost their opening game to Slovakia too So when it's 1-0 and you're well into the second half, you could hear the panic around the stadium.

32:16Pete Donaldson: And it was a great shame that Peacock Farrell misjudges that cross because really it does go down as a goalkeeper error. And Amiri taps in, Jim. But it was a sickness because after that it calmed everybody down. Whereas you keep going, there's just over 20 minutes left. Germany weren't really creating and then that little error happens. Yeah, and then it's game over essentially from that point, isn't it? that you've got a mountain to climb after that. And it's a real shame, especially in a four-team group. Yeah. It feels like you make any sort of headway and you've got a really, really good chance in there.

32:48Pete Donaldson: I know, yeah. And then Wietz kind of curls a free kick in and you kind of go, yeah, that's it. Germany's campaign is lift-off. Whereas before that, they did have them going for a bit. I mean, when you say that they'll do something at the World Cup, I mean, of course, you may well be right. I was being totally flippant. I was basically covering myself if we clip this up for a few months' time. I don't believe the thing. Right, right, right. What I just said. But it was more... Because they're not in great shakes, Germany. They haven't been for a while. They're in a really bad way. And oddly so, because they haven't really done anything.

33:20Pete Donaldson: Well, they haven't done anything. Obviously, they won it in 2014 for crying out running. A long time ago now. But it does feel like a long time ago. And since then, in tournaments, I mean, I know in the Euros, they've reached the knockouts. They've lost a couple of World Cup finals as well, haven't they?

33:35Pete Donaldson: They have. Well, Germany have, but the one you're thinking of is actually West Germany. Right, yeah. And I watched Bridge of Spies the other night as well. I should have remembered, yeah. That's a great film. It's a brilliant film. It's a really good film. Everybody, you should watch that after England, Serbia, England. Get in touch and let us know how you get on with that doubleheader. Oh, dear. So, yeah, Germany's campaign is up and running. now Portugal played their first international since the death of Diogo Jota and André Silva Jota was of course part of the side that won the Nations League they beat Armenia 5-0 Cristiano Ronaldo scored a brace of course he did the man just keeps on going but that was good for Portugal of course his second goal in particular was actually yeah absolutely he's chasing that record 6th World Cup appearance he'll get it Messi would also be playing in his 6th but he's not sure if he's going to play or not.

34:33Pete Donaldson: It would be fantastic if Portugal and Argentina played each other and both were present. What would be amusing if Portugal didn't qualify, Argentina do a mess and goes, oh, go on then. I'll play. And then Ronaldo's got away. And of course, the next World Cup would be partly in his home nation. Portugal, Spain and Morocco. Will Ronaldo be sort of like too old for it? He'll decide. Yeah, we'll find out, won't we? Three quarters of the way through a season, would he be? in Saudi yeah in Saudi and will he be in will he just be downing tools mid-season well Messi would be doing it mid-season of course for MLS good play actually which it's all to play for over in Group H Austria's qualifier with Cyprus was delayed after a sinkhole opened up on the pitch in Linz during the second half which is absolutely terrifying it really is not the first time a sinkhole has appeared in the pitch during an Austria fixture the same thing happened in the centre circle of a different pitch in Vienna in 2022, shortly after a Nations League game against Denmark, although I think that one was Bain's fault, whereas this one, I'm not sure.

35:41Pete Donaldson: Ralph Rangnick said, in the end, what matters is we got the three points. Seven broken ankles. We lost the referee in a couple of plays. They're still down there. That whole stadium's gone now. Is there anything more frightening than the sinkhole? I don't think there is, really. Yeah, it's up there, isn't it? I find any, you know that caving sort of meme where that man is like upside down in a cave hole. Oh, yeah. It makes me... I can't stop thinking about it. And I hope you at home are also thinking about it. Well, I've never seen it. Imagine a man upside down in a tube. He's perfectly right.

36:13Happy with his family in my head. He's above ground. He's loving life. Sun on his face. People have got no business being underground. Who has any business on it? No Londoners today. No, exactly. I love a ground. Doing their bit.

36:27Pete Donaldson: That's a good point. You see? it's the only thing that hasn't happened yet at Old Trafford yes that's still to come that's definitely still to come oh blimey could be worse could be worse though a pitch in Australia is out of use for a month because a bird has laid an egg on the halfway line weird country so it's an enormous bird the egg is going to take at least 150 men to do it the bird is drunk no one can get near it respect to only one man the pitch is in Canberra And the bird is a, how would you say it, plover? Plover, plover. Plover, yeah. Plover. It's a protected species, so yes, no one can use the pitch until the egg hatches or until it is carefully moved without being damaged.

37:09Pete Donaldson: What's so funny about this is it is right on the centre surface. Like a bird's nose. Yes. It really looks deliberate, doesn't it? It does. Well, the process can take days. It could easily take a month, apparently, easily. So the police now come to check the nest every day. It's one bird. just throw it just throw the egg crime rates are so low in Canberra that the police can check on nests that is Australian policing to a T they're the biggest busybodies in the world oh are they? yeah sounds like you've had an experience no but they just like they go out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable really?

37:47yeah they are some of the worst and I look forward to meeting them again in a couple of months I was going to say I had no idea Yeah, the worst.

37:57Pete Donaldson: Oh dear. Right, well coming up after this, Andre Anana looks like he's leaving Manchester United but another goalkeeper is about to overshadow him.

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40:04Pete Donaldson: Let's do it. starts. Man very comfortable in his position. Thomas Tuchel stops short of saying that because you do need results in qualifying campaign of course. For the tally for one thing. For the tally exactly. But Poch doesn't have to worry about a tally. Poch needs qualifiers. He just needs any kind of competitive football this morning in time. We'll do it on the night. We'll do it on the night is a hell of a thing for a night team. Fuck it we'll do it live. Just trust me it's going to be fine. Have you seen that World cup dad on Instagram who basically he's like 34 upside down in a cave and he no and he's never played a game of football in his life never played soccer before and uh in a stunning bit of Dunning-Kruger twattery decided that he's going to try and play in the world cup um but he's never kicked a football in his life and so he's worked really hard for the last couple of years to um get up to speed the people falling over the people falling over to like promote him are pathetic that's some genuine big names who are like yeah I fully back you to be the national team striker for the USA World Cup so hang on so he's legitimately trying to break into Maurizio Pochettino's national team well he's had a look at them Jim at the age of 34 never had played the game before he's thinking you know what there's a slight chance I mean there was a few comments about us saying could we have warmed the bench for San Marino or something like that I think you're all being very silly actually indeed you express that opinion Peter and of course we were being a little bit silly can we also just address that head on now why were people taking that seriously the hell is up with people they would have never listened before but this guy maybe he heard us the other day and he just ran with it all of his footage is him just doing like rimball flicks he literally can't run properly that is a problem do you remember when we I think on Ramble Uncut once, we, for a few weeks, talked about which, if you were given, say, I don't know, a year or two, or whatever, you know, a period of time.

42:10Pete Donaldson: Where could you get to in the pyramid? No, no, no, in the Olympics. Which Olympic sport, you're given all the training facilities, you're given the best trainer. Which sport, generally speaking, not you specific, well, maybe you specific, but generally speaking, which of the events do you think you could have the best go at, at the Olympics, if you see what I mean, given everything. I can't remember what we decided. quite clearly whatever you're going to do you're going to finish you know bottom of the pile sort of thing but this guy's taking this to you know another level because with that Olympic one you're thinking what about shooting do I need to have done shooting all my life to suddenly you know kind of thing or whatever it is football is like to me of all the sports you get some guys you get when they get into maybe their 30s or whatever they go ah you know I've done with football maybe I'll give rugby a go very few people say that but I know one or two that have or maybe one other sports like football to me is like up there There's so many skills within it.

43:00Pete Donaldson: If you have not played football at school level, there's no way you're playing a deep-to-disk. I think football, pound for pound, is the most technically difficult sport. We're more than basketball, for example. Yeah, I'd agree with that. I mean, you have to turn your feet into hands. Yeah, essentially. That's essentially the sport. And then also get fit enough to do everything else. I mean, running alone is painful and awful. You're starting at a very low level. I am, yeah. But when you're playing football, you've got jobs as well. You've got jobs to do. with your feet yeah is that playing a bit of over 50s football oh you get a bit more time on the ball I'll tell you what I'm lying about your age you are well not by five yeah 45 you just said over 50s yeah but like you're allowed a couple of 45 year old ringers is that right couple of young books is it like the the under 23 Olympic and I'm not and I'm not good enough for them to he was a James Milner the opposite of the James Milner no but he played for a little while after didn't he yeah that's what I mean yes because Pete would be the younger one yes you can buck well we wish this guy all the best no we don't no we don't no we do it'd be hilarious if he made it and proved us all wrong I hope he scandalises his own children because the whole thing was like him saying that I want my children to know that there's no limit there is limits that's the best thing you can learn that is a great point yeah well let's see if he proves us all wrong I'm cheering you on big guy we're wishing you the great American nightmare that he may already be living in it.

44:28Pete Donaldson: Well, speaking of which, did you see that former US and South Korea boss Jürgen Klinsmann was in the stands to watch the game because his son, Jonathan Klinsmann, was named in the USA squad for the first time. More than he did when he was actually managing them. Yeah. Who's that guy? That's Jürgen Klinsmann. He's getting literally on TV. He can get here. Yeah, he's literally on TV. If you want to do it remotely, you could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Nice to see, though, Klinsmann, back in the international scene. I feel like we've seen him a lot, haven't we? I'm not sure it is that nice. Oh, I see.

45:00Pete Donaldson: Let's talk about something that you might have a moan about. Let's go to Manchester United. Andre Inanna has reportedly agreed to join Trabzonspor on loan. Galatasaray were in for him, but they signed somebody else. Turkey's number one. There's a thought, though, that there is no obligation to buy Inanna after this loan deal, but the defeat against Grimsby Town could be the final game of his Manchester United career. Bearing in mind that the final game of his inter-career was the Champions League final. Yeah. Well, it probably won't be because there will be a post-season tour between the end of this season and the World Cup.

45:36Shot window. Yeah.

45:38Pete Donaldson: Yeah, I mean, based on how he performed in that shootout, it is a fitting final appearance for anyone's goalkeeper career. I'm trying to... He played for Ajax, Andre Narder, did really well there. won league titles he gets his move to Inter and again you know was unlucky not to do something in that final with Lukaku missed chances and so on so he's a part of that gets his move to Manchester United huge money and like now we're just a bit like yeah off you go alone Grimsby Town defeats your last game this is what your team that you support does to people Vish yeah are you going to apologise to Andre to be like mildly serious here but yeah there are a lot of players who have left Manchester United this window I appreciate this is slightly outside the window because it's Turkey but who will think I just poured two years into that fucking sinkhole turning it slightly seriously I genuinely feel sorry for the guy I understand people will say well hang on a minute he didn't save those shots and he made those mistakes, fine obviously he's the one performing, so there's only so much you can put on the manager and so much you can put on the owners and how the clubs run etc etc, however he is one of many so that's why the onus is or the attention with this sort of stuff I think does reflect very badly on the club because when they signed him I remember thinking that is a good sign and he's a quality goalkeeper he didn't play for Cameroon because of like the style of play it didn't fit with his kind of football philosophy almost and all this because that's how good he was or his opinion on the game obviously quite a lofty opinion you might say it's almost Roy Keane-esque at times.

47:22Pete Donaldson: And now, okay, Trav's on sport, Turkish league's not a terrible league, but this is not what he would have envisioned at all. No, absolutely not. Yeah, you just wonder where it goes from here, because he has to rebuild his reputation, doesn't he? And as you mentioned, he had a very, very high reputation. The idea was he was going to come in and transform the way United kind of played at the back. And it seems that that never really clicked. He was never really trusted by his managers. possibly by his defenders as well and that's quite a kind of you find yourself at a crossroads really don't you?

47:56Pete Donaldson: Yeah. And it feels early for him to be going to Turkey but you know if he's alone so he's a shop window. Well if he needs to get out there which you wouldn't want to go there I mean this is the mad thing. I know that they've still got the pulling power and Bumo and Cunha being obvious ones going there but he's just a bit like yeah fine. I mean obviously the club and Trebson sort of did a deal that basically went right Andre are you going to take that or not? Part of this is is bigger than Man United though, isn't it? It's the wages that Premier League clubs pay their players. It gives them fewer and fewer landing spots if they want to go elsewhere.

48:26Pete Donaldson: But I mean, I just wonder if teams, if Man United is one of those destinations soon enough where, you know, your contract finishes or whatever, or you do a deal where they pay up the rest of your contract in your move. And you go, right, well, I earned 300 grand a week there. Lovely old job. I can't believe I got that much. And then I'll go back to Serie A or I'll go to another decent league for a decent team and maybe I'll earn 200 grand a week or something. I know it's vast sums for us but so you're saying it's almost a bit like it's a bit like going to Saudi Jim that's what Man United is so you're saying it's now like some footballers might be looking at a move to Man United almost like a sort of clinical trial it's like I'll go there for a bit I'll get injected with all this God knows what I'll be okay or I won't and at the end I'll have loads of money yeah a bit like that it does feel like that I just get the sense that the Premier League and Man United just cannot in the words of Tommy Lee Johns to Jim Carrey cannot sanction the buffoonery they just cannot allow a bit of fun was that from Batman Forever?

49:22I believe it was I think so yeah that's what I was the only film I could think what a line to remember

49:27Pete Donaldson: was he not a Harvey Two-Face? he wasn't in the film no I thought it was something that he said to him in real life yeah he basically hated Jim Carrey for being an idiot and he said in a restaurant I cannot sanction your buffoonery and they never became friends and then Schwarzenegger said ice to meet you I cannot sanction your buffoonery did he have a change of heart the Two-Face zone now Peter hasn't watched Harry Potter but he's watched that sorry? hasn't watched Harry Potter but he's watched that obviously yeah it's a phenomenon though isn't it Harry Potter yeah well yeah Batman's small fry isn't it yeah now on Friday the National League Southside Dorking Wanderers a good Surrey team signed a 54 year old fan called Terry Dunn it was a Dunn deal a Dunn Dunn deal on a short term emergency contract after their first choice goalkeeper ruptured his spleen ooh so they've turned to Terry Dunne is that the kind of nonsense and before we sanction yeah I mean sounds like this league does sanction it briefly but then they didn't in the end did they well the club said that they intended him to play in their match against AFC Totten on Saturday because they couldn't find a more suitable replacement in the end they were able to sign another goalkeeper on an emergency loan funny that funny how that works yeah Terry was still part of the squad though when he got his call up though he said playing in goal is like riding a bike you never forget it.

50:46Pete Donaldson: The last time he played was in 1997. Is this where this American guy is getting all these ideas? Must be. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely must be. Well, staying with goalkeepers and nonsense, there is a goalkeeper putting old Terry Dunn to shame in Italy. Former Fiorentina and Perugia keeper Lomberto Boranga is training to make his return to football at the age of 82. What are we doing? I've seen the footage of him. He can get down, certainly, but you're going to score your banter. Because he ain't getting back up again. I mean, I'm super impressed with that on a general level. But in the specifics, Peter, yeah, you can't be having that.

51:24Pete Donaldson: He signed a contract with seventh-tier side Trevi and plans to play one game in October. I mean, seventh tier, you know, that's way higher than the vast majority. It's a tier. Yeah. But he only stopped playing back in 2020. Yeah, I mean, it is quite phenomenal, the shape that the guy's in. He's never stopped kind of, you know, keeping himself in good shape and stuff. He's also a doctor, I think. yeah right okay has anybody checked on Dickie Borthwick do you remember him is he the referee or was he the no he was the winger who played out in the west country oh that's right the oldest winger in town that's right no he wasn't a winger but that was the headline the oldest winger in town but I think he was a centre midfielder or something and he was I think as I'm now doing the maths I think he was in his 70s but this was a little while ago get him running around that garden for charity come on this builds us but by the way he wasn't playing in the 7th tee he was nowhere in a pyramid we should stress well Ken Kazoo's still I think fifth tier or something isn't he yeah but I mean obviously that's incredible but he has been a professional football for many years that's true he was an international I guess so yeah obviously he's diminishing talent but still there was you know there's something in there talent there well when when the 82 year old goalkeeper in Italy was asked about the secret to his longevity he said a little food but the right ones no alcohol no smoking very little meat only soya milk and physical activity including sex a large and balanced breakfast a chocolate bar an energy bar for lunch and a light dinner after meals always a walk so he's definitely having sex after dinner and in the morning if he's having a small dinner and then a big breakfast a large and balanced breakfast he's having a fry up that's what he's doing he's done exactly what a man there we are everybody thank you very much for listening to the Football Ramble part of the Acast creator network myself, Jim and Pete are back tomorrow for the mailbag where we'll be talking about England's successor to Harry Kane and much more.

53:15Pete Donaldson: Remember to subscribe to the Football Ramble in your podcast app so you never miss an episode. Thank you very much, Vish. Thank you. Thank you, Jim. Thank you. Thank you, PT. Goodbye. And thank you to all the old goalkeepers out there.

53:34The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

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