European Mulch

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3:40Luke Moore: This is the place where we funk, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble! The Brazilians are impressing in America and Liverpool are strengthening. It's Monday, 23rd of June. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm Pete Donaldson.

4:04Luke Moore: Welcome, everybody. Happy Monday to you and yours. The House of Funk. We're in the House of Funk here. Yes. Liverpool is strengthening. Liverpool is strengthening. Are you strengthening, Peter? I'm imagining some kind of like workout montage of 80s rock music. You and a tiny pair of denim shorts. They should do the limit. They're all strengthening. He may not be strengthening, but he is lengthening. On a Monday morning, can I just put an image in your gym, your head, Marcus, your head, the head of all the listeners at home, Pete. It's Pete working out at home in his own garage. All he's got on is a tiny pair of denim shorts and his bum cheeks are coming up the ball.

4:40That is not unlike something I did last night. I watched an entire film while on one of those machines with the arms. The elliptical. The elliptical. In a pair of denim shorts? In just a pair of shorts. Not denim.

4:51Luke Moore: Don't even have to go back 24 hours. And I was doing that exact thing. Watch the whole film. Have you got a camera in his garage or something? No comment. No, people live streams. Yeah, of course. Jens Lehmann took it down with a chainsaw. Yeah, but DAZN will still not take up the rights. No. But they do have the rights to the Club World Cup. The final insult, because they will take anything. They will. Oh, dear, the Club World Cup. I am into it, baby. Yeah. I'm into it as well. It's just... It's awesome to be. It's brilliant, Peter, isn't it? It is brilliant, but I just fear... They're not even sponsoring us.

5:22We're losing all the interesting teams. We're going to be left with the usual kind of Champions League last stages mulch, aren't we? Well, I don't know.

5:29Luke Moore: Brazil might have something to say about that. Well, I was about to say. Mulch. Mulch. Do you mean, what do we call it in this country? Like woodbark or something? Yeah. Woodbark. Mulch is just like a load of organic material. Oh, I thought there was, you know, like in playgrounds where you have the sort of the woodbark and it was... The woodchippings, yeah. In mulch, that's what I was... Okay. I could see that as being called mulch. It's not just any detritus. It doesn't feel like that applies to Real Madrid. No. Yeah. Good point. Expensive mulch. I actually want to start with Flamingo, Peter.

6:00Luke Moore: Right, okay. They beat Chelsea 3-1. Don't watch your Flamingo. What a win for them. I know. One sweet day, I'll make her mine. Pretty Flamingo. Chelsea are being very weird in this time, aren't they? People had them pegged to be going really deep, but they're just being silly. They might, yeah. I think that was just me that said they'll probably end up winning it. Pete, you're a person. You're a person. You matter, you're relevant. But I'm not people. That's a good point. I speak on behalf of the people, but I'm not people. the scenes on the Copacabana beach were superb which was lovely which was of course the place where David Beckham went during that would you call it the sort of all-grom club world cup in 2000 remember when Brazil had that tournament Man United went there they didn't play in the FA Cup they got their pants pulled down by Romario and Edmundo days what days they were come on yeah not long after Edmundo had gotten and a monkey drunk, of course, at a party.

6:56Luke Moore: Which he'd hired for his child's birthday. Absolutely, yeah. Is that when Wagner Love turned up with an anti-tankman? That's something totally different. Always worth a mention. A Brazilian party, nonetheless. But then Edmundo made it look like he'd intoxicated the whole Man United backline. But David Beckham said that because he got a red card in the first game against Nakasa, Nakaksa, however you're in the Mexican side, he basically had a tiny bit more time off and he went down to the Copacabana Beach. Tiny little pair of Speedos, hopefully. I don't know, but he was there. That is the look though, isn't it?

7:27Luke Moore: It's not the look I went for. Right. But, you know, I didn't want to let everybody down. I genuinely thought, I don't want to derail this for too long, but I genuinely thought the look for the Copacabana Beach was like... Very tight. Very tight, speedo kind of swimming trunks. It can be. And a caprinha. And that's if I go there, absolutely. If I go there, that's what I'll be wearing. But you do get in big trouble if you go skinny dipping, as an Irish friend of mine found out. Oh, you're not allowed to do that, no? You basically... In Brazil of all places. Exactly. Everyone's got their bums out all the time.

7:55Luke Moore: Peter, it is quite literally a fine line. Yeah, it is. Like a thong. Yeah, a lovely thong. But Beckham said he went down there, some of the kids recognised him and had got to take free kicks and he went, if England is the place where football was invented, the soul of football is on the Copacabana Beach. I don't think Beckham was the first person to say that. He said it. That doesn't sound like him, to be fair. All I'm saying is imagine all the people. If England. He got on the phone and he said, I'm on the Copacabana Beach to his PR, so have you got a line for me? But anyway, the scenes there were quite something because they were celebrating Flamengo beating Chelsea 3-1.

8:33Luke Moore: Yes. And it was a good game. The Brazilian sides have been impressing though, Jim. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, there is a sense, isn't there? I think it's more than a sense, actually, that the Brazilian teams in particular, and actually this is also true of the Argentinians, the South American teams are so invested in this in a way that the European teams just aren't. and it's given them an advantage. It's not just the fans, it's the players as well. They are more committed to it in a way that you, it's easy to go, oh, you know, have the European teams underestimated this? Do they need a little bit of a sense check?

9:03Luke Moore: Do they need to kind of take a bit more seriously? Whatever, however you want to phrase that. I don't think you can do that in the time required. I think it just fundamentally means more to these Brazilian teams. Jim, it's a bit like the old quote, one free man defending his home is more powerful than 10 hired Chelsea players. I get that. Did Beckham say that? We said before the tournament started, didn't we, in this very studio, that the big jeopardy here, because we've got such a Euro-focused, Eurocentric version of football. I said that, you know, by my own admission, we've been doing this show for 18 years, and the other day was the first time I'd ever watched Botafogo play, right?

9:41So that tells its own story. I know. Very, very Eurocentric idea of football here. And I think that we've known in the past, in the old format of the Club World Cup, it meant an awful lot to South American teams and I think also from a very basic point of view if you are used to your best young players going off to Europe all the focus being on Europe dominating the TV the Champions League being the big behemoth that it is why wouldn't you be motivated to give everyone a bloody nose and also they're in a different part of their football calendar to us and I think there's a sense of a nui with a lot of the European sides and the players going to have to go to the US and play it after the end of a long season so it doesn't necessarily mean that Brazilian teams are going to dominate the tournament from start to finish and it's going to be an all-Brazilian semi-final list or whatever.

10:21But what it does mean is, if you, for example, have 10 minutes of madness against a very competitive Flamengo side, you're going to get punished. And they conceded a couple of goals, they had a player sent off with a stupid decision, and that's that, really. You can't afford to phone it in against a team of that level.

10:37Luke Moore: I think the European sides, in previous iterations of the Club World Cup and Intercontinental Championships and all that stuff, they tend to sort of start caring if they go a goal down or suddenly their competitiveness sort of comes in. Like I said, I'm not saying they're phoning in performances, but I think we'll see, you know, we will see a reaction from Chelsea, I would imagine now, because it's kind of like, okay, fine, I understand it's a long season and all the reasons given and European teams go, oh, well, maybe we're not quite as passionate. But you don't want to be embarrassed. You don't want to...

11:06Luke Moore: No. You walk off the field, you've got loads of the Flamengo fans, you know, singing away. And again, the scenes in the stadium were great and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. A reaction will be needed from them. And it was also, I mean, it's by far their toughest game in the group. And you'd fancy them to get past Tunis in the final group game, which they'll, of course, need to do. Essentially, it becomes quite straightforward for Chelsea because they just need to either draw against Tunis or beat them. You'd fancy them to do that. And then, obviously, it's knockout football, lads. Did you enjoy seeing former Chelsea man, although far more known for his Atletico Madrid exploits, Felipe Luiz, who's the Flamingo manager, took over last September, already won three trophies.

11:46Luke Moore: Not all classed as major trophies, but the Rio State Championship, the Brazilian Cup and the Supercoppa. Yeah, I mean, football works so differently in Brazil, though, that they kind of do count, right? Yeah, they do count. I mean, the State Championship's not... He's had a bit of criticism, to be fair, so you'd imagine they're maybe not as important. But this will be a salve, won't it? Well, yeah, Jose Mourinho's encouraged him to say, you've won a treble. But no, I mean, he was a fine player, he was. Absolutely tenacious. Endless, endless engine room. Yeah, a vital one in Atletico Madrid becoming the side that we all know now.

12:17Luke Moore: But it was a great win for them. I'd also add on the Felipe Luis ticket that he's had a terrible time at Chelsea as a player. Yeah, he was only, what, a season? Yeah. Back to Atletico. Lovely, yeah. It was Mourinho, wasn't it? He would bomb you out after a season if it didn't work out. He was an Atletico Madrid man through and through. Yeah, absolutely. In the same way Garnaccio is. In the same way Darwin Nunes is. Do you know what I mean? You can tell. You don't have to even be there for it to count. Did you guys enjoy what BBFC rating certificate are you giving to Nicholas Jackson's challenge to get sent off?

12:52Can you do negative numbers? No, as in like, is it a U, is it a PG, is it 12A, is it a 15 or is it an 18?

12:58Luke Moore: I thought you were doing a sort of a straight rating. I think it's a 15, but based on how horrifying the average 15-year-old is these days. Yeah, true. I sometimes see movies that are 15 and I go, really? Yeah. I'm frightened. Are you giving it an 18? I think it's one of those ones that are like banned by the BBC but then 20 years later it comes back yeah and it's on Channel 4 in some kind of film season it wasn't that bad though was it the challenge bit Clockwork Orange it was a Clockwork Orange card I mean I think subbing off people like Dilap was it a Red Sonja card I think the substitutions were worse than the challenge to be honest it was a shock and he knew as well straight away and I respect that he didn't walk but I think because he was so gutted yeah he did the same thing against Newcastle though didn't he oh I've elbowed him in the face there well have I done that Tyrone Mings is going what are you worried about yeah but I don't like the modern way of remonstrating against something you've obviously done wrong like the way I see it is you know like in like in the Sopranos right when the FBI turn up at Tony Soprano's door he doesn't ask him what he's done he doesn't plead he just holds his hands out and says can you take me around the back so my kids don't see and he's off there's a dignity to that these days players don't walk I said to you last week Keane would have just walked I know what I've done I'm part of this this is who I am I just think he was so gutted he was but he didn't reminiscrate he didn't try and say which I respected I do I respect that as well I do I always enjoy seeing for Flamengo the guy called Everton playing who Everton Sousa Suarez or known as Cebolinha in Brazil the little onion oh is he that is lovely that's fantastic Is that because he's very emotionally, he's got a lot of emotional depth?

14:40Luke Moore: He has a lot of layers. A lot of layers too. Could be that as well. Terrible breath maybe? A vital ingredient in making a good recipe. A good base for a sauce. But seriously, he has got very bad breath. Can I just also briefly mention that I've kind of been quite dismissive about Tunis' chance of getting Chelsea in the fire. You were very dismissive, yeah. I also recently read that it's going to be about 40 degrees that game. And I suspect in Tunisia, you might be a bit more used to that than you are in West London so maybe that's a factor. It's like you're fine-tuned to it. Yeah, exactly. It is like that.

15:13That's definitely worth it. Just like that.

15:15Luke Moore: Just like that. Well, every Brazilian team is leading their group. Group A, Palmeiras, Group B, Botafogo, Group D, Flamengo, Group F, Fluminense, all of them. As I said, Champions League, Paul. We did enjoy Botafogo's centre-half, Alex Barbosa's performance against PSG the other day where they stood very, very solid against them and kept a clean sheet. We got a comment from Estras Romero on Instagram who said, in case you don't know, here in Brazil, Barbosa is famous for playing without underwear. He's the terror of attackers. 25 centimetres rubbing against their backs. Yeah. 25 centimetres. What could that mean?

15:51Is that flaccid? About 10 inches. About 10 inches. I converted it earlier. It's impressive. Is that 10 inches flaccid?

15:57Luke Moore: I don't want to get too into the woods here. Does he tie, like a stripper, he ties like a little rubber band on the top Possibly, possibly. So it's erect, but it's not really erect. Right. I will put up with a lot. I will personally sign off on this being included in the show, but I will not have a metric measurement of it. Imperial or nothing. Imperial or nothing. Is that... I saw someone with a T-shirt the other day, right? And it was George Washington in his gear. With a hog. On a tank. He on the dollar bill. Yeah, on a tank. And it just said, what the fuck is a kilometre? Love it. should he be at least be should he not be wearing like some kind of lined short I cannot see how anyone whatever the size of their appendage can get out of playing football at a competitive level with no restricted with no pants underwear on is he looking for a pants sponsor like Nicholas Bentner yeah Paddy Power don't mention it sorry he's had one then he'll be on the season working hard to get a sponsor next season and you're giving it away for nothing yeah I'm giving a little wink in it 10 inches eh 10 old wangers A marginal gain doesn't seem to do the man justice but that is what it is isn't it I would like to know how heavy I'd hate that I would like to know how heavy it is in stone 10 inch 2 stone Imagine if he was playing the 80s those tiny little shorts it's not going to work No Elsewhere in the club world cup Man City beat UAE side Al Ain 6-0 Pep name a completely different starting 11 to the first game Bernardo Silva took the armband for the first time since being made club captain.

17:31Luke Moore: They really want him to stay. Yeah, they do. He is a bit Danny Glover, isn't he? And he seems to really want to go every year, yeah. He's Danny Gloverly for Weapon and he's just another one. Another season. Another season. Give him the armband. Did you see Acheverry's first goal? Lovely one. Freaky. In off the porch. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. Bar. If you're not sure, just say woodwork. Woodwork. Catch your tongue. That's what the West Ham fans used to sing it for Denver Bar. Denver Bar. Should the keeper have done a touch better? Yep. Ten inches of woodwork. Oh, dear me. So Manchester City need to beat Juventus in order to avoid the winner of Real Madrid's group.

18:09Luke Moore: Get them together. Yeah, why not? Rematch of the game of the Champions League. Get that mulch together. Champions League dregs. Yes, exactly. Get out of the way. Get one of them out as soon as possible. Real Madrid sent Pachuca out of the tournament last night Pete Donaldson's Pachuca Pete Pachuca's Pete Pete Pachuca's Pachuca you're on the elliptical for an hour you're just fuming they beat them 3-1 Madridicals went down to 10 men after 7 minutes when Raul Asensio got a straight red for pulling down Salomon Rondon he certainly impeded him he's a seasoned performer I think it was a foul it was a bit soft but it was a foul I'll give Jim the floor because he wants to get stuck into rather sensitive before you do can I just say he needs to show better decision making than that well yeah he gave away a penalty really early on as well if I remember rightly now he's got set off really early on yeah he's all over the shop he wants holiday lads it's Salomon Rondon he's 35 you will catch him and he's not being managed by Rafa Benitez he's definitely not going to score the ball's at his feet he can't header it from there don't worry about it you were Because of him, you're a Pachuca man.

19:21Yeah, massively, but he's a fine finisher. And Kennedy.

19:23Luke Moore: Kennedy was there. Nice to see them together again. Nigel Kennedy, as he used his full name. I was thinking of President, but then probably Nigel's a safe one. President Nigel Kennedy, they're fine. Courtois was busy. He's busy in this match. I thought Pachuca did okay, but Real Madrid with 10 men are better than them. They beat them 3-1. That's not insignificant, isn't it? Playing against 10 men and getting beaten 3-1. For 85 minutes. It's not too show. Jude Bellingham took his goal very well. Lovely finish. Precision. A big can of WD-40. And the moment of the strike, it just pings off the boot.

19:54You tell the technique, it's top quality.

19:55Luke Moore: It's a lot cleaner than Job's and you know he was thinking about that. The Bellingham's are up and running. They really are. Oh, yeah. As we expected that to happen. I expect by this time next year, they are both going to be lead starring in a screwball comedy. A remake of the Cannibal Run with the Bellingham brothers. Both dressed as nuns. Nice. Come on. Oh, you went for the nuns? Yeah. I've had to work really hard there to get you on board I can tell by your face no no no as soon as you said Cannibal Run I was there Cannibal Cannibal oh come on we're getting sidetracked here and we will for the next 10 minutes who's seen Cannibal Run and Frangible Run 2 yeah we should definitely do a watch through of Cannibal Run for the disc orders absolutely fucking so good I'm actually more of a Cannibal Run 2 I know you are and that's wrong only if I can do it on an elliptical yeah you can didn't they do a remake recently anyway who cares I don't think they did I think we were just discussing it none of you sounded up for it and now suddenly you do.

20:44Luke Moore: No, they did and Johnny Knoxville was involved. Somebody Google that or I move on. Yes, I think it was. Yeah, well look, oh, Trent was involved in one of the goals. Yes, he was. He was, yes. Is that, I mean, it's a bit disrespectful. So early on. I know. He's barely left Liverpool and he's getting involved in another team's goal. I heard he celebrated the goal in Spanish as well. Disgraceful. La rata. I heard him say, I'm not being funny, Liverpool fans, if you're listening, just make sure you're sitting down for this, you've got some headphones and you can... They're not listening. I heard...

21:12Yeah, not anymore. I heard him on the pitch side mic say, Vamos. Did he? Yeah. He said, we're down to 10 men.

21:20Luke Moore: 10 hombres. 10 hombres. 10 hombres. 10 caballeros. Real bad hombres. Yeah. Well, of course, Job scored in the Dortmund match where they beat Mermelodi Sundowns 4-3. This game. The Sundowns are great value. I want them to go through because they won their first game. A 90s knockoff Brazil kit as well. Well, they're called to Brazil, I think. I'm not being funny. Look at Rio de Janeiro, Costa. His goal was like fucking prime 90s Ronaldo. Just fucking marauding. It was a proper FIFA 95 video game goal. Lovely stuff, that. Am I right in remembering that goal came from a big defensive mix-up? Like Chelsea's goal as well.

21:57Luke Moore: It was almost like a kick-off on FIFA where you just run. The Dortmund defenders just throwing themselves on the floor. And then followed straight up by a goalkeeper, giving the ball straight to an attacker. It was such chaos. It's great. It was madness. but what I loved about the goal was as he galloped through there was a couple of his teammates I was like don't you dare pass that don't you fucking dare don't get you could get assist to the tournament right now fine but you'd be in the hat for goal of the tournament it's not a hat it's judged on its merit it's a make America great again cap it's a hat in Ban Arfa tell you what that would be if it was the draw I know it's not how it works but if it was an open draw like the FA Cup and they did it in a MAGA hat come on come on it is disgusting but come on yeah and it's instead of the balls that they do their hand around to get the trees Rod the Mod?

22:42No, it's Bitcoins. Yes. Good names on them.

22:46Luke Moore: Roger Stewart's involved somehow. Oh dear. But yeah, Sundowns. So they lost the game. They rallied a bit. Some of the goals were controller through the TV stuff. Yeah, it was. Weren't they? At one point, the second Mamelodi Sundowns goal, the guy did a headed one-two off the post. Oh, it's clever. Hey? Come on. It's a shame that Dortmund's fourth was an own goal, was it not? Yes, it was. And that's such a shame because obviously it's 4-1. But are you right? It's all South African football like this. I hope so. I think we need to have one eye on this. I assume so. But you're right, Luke, with regards to the control.

23:17Luke Moore: You know when you're trying to find highlights for quite an obscure... A UEFA Nations League game, right? The final of the UEFA Nations League. Where's the UEFA.com button on this remote? I can't find it. And you go on YouTube and you have to... Oh, here's one. And you watch it and you think, oh no, it is FIFA or whatever it's called. But that game, Sundance Dortmund, at one point when I watched back the highlights, I was like, am I watching the FIFA? Am I watching the game? Glorious stuff, though. Very, very enjoyable. But Peter, oh no, Luke, they were your side. The South Koreans, All Sound HD are out of the tournament.

23:52All Sound HD till I die.

23:53Luke Moore: Yeah, well, you're dead now. Hopefully they can make up for being knocked out by getting the TV rights for the rest of the tournament. That would be good. On All Sound HD. Well, they were knocked out of the tournament. Fluminense beat them 4-2. They were 2-1 up. They had a great chance to make it 3, but they were ultimately defeated love that Hartley United away kit oh fancy bit of that I mean was it a great chance to make it free or was it a guy was released through on goal he took ages didn't really get much of a shot off made a poor decision probably summed up the whole reason they're out of the tournament that's another way of putting it of course we've actually got an email from Tony Luke's recent affinity for Ulsan HD formerly Ulsan Hyundai was music to my ears I lived in the lovely town of Ulsan teaching English back in 2011 I can confirm that are not particularly known for much, other than being close to Busan or having lots of Hyundai factories.

24:40They did, however, have the big Hungarian Martin Adam there last season. Oh, yeah. Who everyone had a bit of a thing for at Qatar. No, it was not the Euros, 2024. Yeah, I think it was the Euros. Yeah, either or. But for those who don't remember him, battering around with a forward, think about a really quite poor Nicholas Falkrook. Yes, people were very unkind about his physical... Not me, I was an admirer of it. I lived says Tony I lived a five minutes walk from the 2002 World Cup built Munsu Stadium which allowed all foreigners to K League games gratis while I was there which is very kind isn't it there was nothing like watching them smash those poor Hank Steeler slugs with a spicy kimchi ramen and some dried octopus to hand lovely stuff great to hear from Tony that is nice isn't it lovely bit sweet dried octopus I wonder what All Sun HD will do next they'll use it as a chance to build Super HD

25:29Luke Moore: but I'd love if they came back to the Club World Cup Next time. And they were, yeah, all sand 4K. 60 frames per second. Yeah. All eyes on them. Bayern confirmed their place in the knockouts with a 2-1 win against Boca Juniors. Nice to see Harry Kane scoring against an Argentinian team. Yeah. Why is that, Marcus? History. Oh, really? No, because they don't like us. I'm worried he's used it up. Oh, yeah, that is a point. No, I think that means we're now world champions. Ah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, brilliant. okay so that fat bloke climbing on the bus stop he looks stupid now because Harry Kane our England captain has scored against one of the premier Argentinian club sides yes we now we are now like Scotland say we're now the unofficial world champions ah right okay I'm glad that's how it works now I'm fearful I'm fearful I'm very this is a hard sentence to say so bear with me I'm very fearful for Boca now I want him to stay I'm not worried about England they'll get a revenge next summer they will as Jim says yeah yeah Boca though they're in a bit of trouble so what happens now is they need Benfica to lose to Bayern, but they, Boca, they need to beat Auckland City by more than six goals to go through.

26:41Luke Moore: Well, because Benfica obviously... Not sayable, but doable. Boca's boys and Bayern's boys. Yes, and Benfica's boys. Well, Benfica's boys beat Auckland City six... It took almost an hour to find the first goal. I tell you what, is there a better team in this tournament that you would want to have such a clear mission? Like the Boca fans are absolutely crazy. Auckland are obviously way out of their depth so it is very possible that they could get those goals they will be going hell for leather the whole time players and fans alike it's going to be brilliant they might accidentally end up scoring 28 goals just keep going just keep going police machine it oh my goodness Miguel Merentil scored a beauty against Bayern lovely goal I think he might do the whole Auckland side yeah with those hips it was a very kind of satisfying goal in almost a kind of 1970s World Cup type way yes it's a classic goal you sit in compilations going forward forever even though admittedly it wasn't quite as important a little bit Ricky Villa yeah it's a consolation in the club world cup but it was still good Peter yes Uriah Red Diamonds are out of the tournament yeah I mean they were giving the big licks on the YouTube highlights which I watched Inter were like oh Inter absolutely put them to the side no they fucking didn't they were good Red Diamonds were 1-0 up for more than an hour I tell you what that goal from Lataro Martinez Jim what a flip absolutely beautiful would you call it beautiful improvisation I would call it that face it in the wrong way doesn't matter was it an overhead kick it was an overhead torpedo can I give a very very convoluted reason Marcus why you shouldn't be cheering for Inter in this tournament yes their manager is Christian Kivu at the moment right I'm a Christian well that's a good point actually okay but just listen to this though partly responsible for England going out of Euro 2000 yeah Phil Neville.

28:30Very un-Christ-like. Phil Neville. Very un-Christ-like, according to Peter. Sorry? That's what Christ would have wanted, England to go for a Euro 2000. It's written very clearly in the scripture. How do you feel about it?

28:41Luke Moore: Well, being from God's own country, I'm going to have to weigh this up, although I still think it was more of an error of Phil Neville's. But it's got old ingredients. It's got England going out early in the tournament, which would have been a very formative memory for you in the Euro 2000. It's got Fizzar getting embarrassed. But we didn't know him as Fizzar back then. True, actually. That's why he got the nickname Fizzar. Christian Keevy should have a farmer right up his arse. Yeah, true enough. Well, I wanted the Red Diamonds to win. They didn't. Inter did. And now I have to hate Inter. Is the takeaway there.

29:11What I want out of this tournament is I would very much like someone to give me one of those weird plaques. Do you know when they do the team fours and they have two of these kind of golden kind of circles? And they've got the logos of the team. It used to be a pennant, but it's metal. It's big. It's like the size of a massive display plate. We've all got them. You've got one with Chairman Mao on it. I do. It's a bit broken. No, it wasn't Chairman Mao. It was actually Xi Jinping. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I don't know why I bought that.

29:41Luke Moore: It's broken now. I thought Luke was joking to stitch you up. No, I was like, yeah. I do have a big plate of Xi Jinping. The reality was much weirder. It's broken now. If anybody wants two halves of a plate of Xi Jinping. I don't have any money taggers for that, mate. It's a trap. That's what it is. But I really want one of these good complex. I can't tell whether they are kind of like you there's like several plaques per team or they're just interchangeable sort of cardboard to slide into the golden filigree I think we all know FIFA are going to sell these for about 600 quid plus right I see get yourself over to the States and get back with one tucked under your arm yeah and get the club world cup trophy while you're at it or break the lock yes so when it comes to the grand opening it's fill it with glue it's just like oh what's happened here the aesthetic approach to everything seems to have been let's take stuff from normal football make it much bigger and make it golden that's better I only think the golden thing might be a bit of a Trumpy sort of thing he'll talk about us of course it is alright coming up after this a brawl in the under 21 euros and Southgate gets turned down by Poland ooh

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33:52Luke Moore: of the Ramble on the continent and up front ad-free and access to the Football Ramble Discord. Search patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get involved. And before Luke talks about Sean Dyche, I would like to say thank you, Luke, for letting me get to the end of that read. That's right. And also, I actually thought that wasn't a bad impression of Pep Guardiola. Anyway, that aside, over to you. Well, before I stick the boot into Sean Dyche and how much of a bellend I think he is, I just wanted to say that over the weekend, on the Discord, available to our Patreon subscribers, is the lads on there were doing their own Jack's Encyclopedia tournament.

34:23Go on. It's ongoing at the moment, but Moon, who you'll know regularly contributes. Big Moon. He's two out of two, I think. Paddy's doing really well. Paolo's doing well. Goose eggs for Damo. Goose eggs for Dead Fox. And goose eggs for Johnny Eggs, sadly. But look, it's not as easy as it sounds when you listen to it. But if you want to go to patreon.com forward slash football ramble, you can get on the Discord. You can get involved in your own Jack's Encyclopedia tournament and what a lovely old bit of fun it is. They should get involved, shouldn't they, Peter? I think they should. I mean, obviously I can't officially mandate that they do that because obviously it's a non-Raefer branded tournament.

34:59True. Yeah, it wouldn't be officially, your results wouldn't be officially recognised. No, no.

35:03Luke Moore: Interesting when you went for Raefer, you didn't go for Reefer. Oh, I see why. A friend with weed is a friend indeed. Nice. Legalise it. Right. But don't ratify it. Anyway, Sean Dyche blatantly thinks he could have his own chat show. Yeah. And it's annoying me. Yeah, but he wouldn't be able to, though, because he would have to ask guests questions about them. About them, exactly. Also a bit like Richard Herring's podcast. Well, let's move on to the European under-21s tournament. England beat Spain 3-1. Come on. They're addicted to losing, aren't they, Spain? Yes. Addicted to losing. Pre-tournament favourites, I believe.

35:42Luke Moore: Well, yeah, they've not been brilliant this tournament, but, yeah, they're a big side. And I think because England had sort of spluttered a little bit through the group stage, I think myself included a bit concerned about this. They had a lot more room in this match, I think, to do their thing. They look really swash and buckling. Yes, which is what we like. I think it's the reality here that their actual under-21s are so good, they all play for the first half. Maybe. That's probably it, Jim. I sat down Saturday night to watch this with a decent amount of trepidation. I thought England, as you said, have not looked that good.

36:12I thought they struggled badly. but I mean in a way that they haven't looked so far when I've seen them they looked exceptionally well coached against Spain the press was really good they started really well they basically won two punched Spain early on and Spain found it very difficult to deal with what was happening

36:31Luke Moore: I mean McAtee's a brilliant player I want to see more of him next season I fear it could be do you remember with Phil Foden it took ages for him and look okay fine you know other than you know didn't have a great season just gone but Phil Foden's one of the best English players. But the difference is he sent McAtee out on loan and he never did that with Foden. That was part of the reason with Foden. You just never saw him. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, he was just drip fed and then of course, bang, you know, Foden came in the side. Perhaps maybe that's what he's thinking with McAtee. Although, as you say, Luke, there's a loan somewhere, but I want to see more of him.

36:59Luke Moore: Also with Harvey Elliott. I know, you know, he can be a little sausage off the field, but he's a brilliant player and I wonder if... Great instincts for that second goal. Yeah, I wonder... I just wonder after this tournament if he thinks to himself and he said it as well, he wants to be playing more if he doesn't start looking for a move. We're going to come on to how ridiculous Liverpool's squad is but it makes sense for him to at least go out on loan but probably look to go permanently somewhere short. I would love to spare a little compliment for Jay Stansfield as well. He really led the line brilliantly.

37:34There was an amazing opportunity that Amari Hutchins scared up for him again. Lovely back here which caught the whole Spanish defence off guard and he just couldn't get it out of his feet. he should have hit that first time would have been a beautiful goal but he was brilliant apart from that really really good hard working led the line brilliantly

37:48Luke Moore: the amount of running that Stansfield did it's amazing and he came off he was like the 80th minute yeah he came off at the end I did think to myself if he can do that amount of running obviously it's you know it was an evening game but it was warm not quite North America I did think to myself he may well need to be on the plane next summer because if he's got that amount of energy and he's running around like that we are going to need that it's like a red bull at that age isn't it yeah Jarrell Kwanza's forays into the the other team's half was great as well. Marauding forward, carrying the ball really well.

38:16You can tell a lot with him, he's had a really decent amount of top senior team experience at his club. And so he's so confident. And he just steps out of defence brilliantly well. In a way that you don't see him do as often.

38:28Luke Moore: I'll tell you what though, with Spain pushing for an equaliser, which I didn't think they were going to get, when, was it Roe, who bears down on the keeper, comes out of nowhere. You see the keeper coming out and you just think, yep, keep going. And I think Joe Hart, Joe Hart on co-coms when he goes over just went yep like that it was so obvious yum yum yeah totally and the former Newcastle United man current Nottingham Forest man Elliot Anderson tucked it away yeah who looks a bit like Ross Barkley's brother yeah he's got a bit of the Barkley about him yeah yeah and then there was a predictable sort of brawl between both sets of players at full time lovely stuff I just knew Spain were going to kick off because they were so pissed off although Marcus it's the Iberian temper isn't it It got to the point where Ashley Cole, who's a changed man, as we led to believe, was a bit like, lads, get away.

39:17Luke Moore: I never understand that. If you've won the game... No, he's picked up on the mic, though, wasn't he? He said to the lads, if you don't come off the pitch now, I'm going to go and get my air rifle. There you are, you see. So England faced the Netherlands in the semi-final, who somehow beat Portugal 1-0, despite going down to 10 men after 20 minutes. It's a winnable one, that, for England. Yeah. Do you know who was sent off? I do, but I want you to say. A chap, see if you can guess this, a chap called Ruben van Bommel. Lovely. Yep. Lovely. Mark Sunch. Yeah, that's their stuff, isn't it? Incredible game between Germany and Italy in that game.

39:50Luke Moore: Italy were down to 10 men in the 80th minute when Leeds man Willy Njonto got sent off. The Germans went 2-1 up. Italy got another player sent off and then scored an equaliser in the 96th minute. And I thought to myself... Amid quite emotional scenes. Absolutely. And it's like, you've got to play for pens, lads. It's very much like Euro 2000 with the senior side. Nice reference, yeah. Yeah, when he got them in the 117th minute, I was like, oh, I hope he's so sick now. Sort of like most of the history of international football. Did he, Jim? Yeah. It's quite interesting, isn't it, to hear how many familiar names are knocking around in these games.

40:20Luke Moore: Yes. Because players break through so young now. They've been like, Willie Nonto playing in the under-21s. Seems mad to me. I felt like it was one of those, you know, when you used to be able to in certain matches feel like 27-year-olds. I felt like one of them. How's he got in? Yeah. What do you mean the Olympics? Yeah, go on. No, the overage players at the Olympics. James Milner played for the under-21s for a long time. It was still just eligible though. Because I think it's about where... When the campaign starts. Yeah, the qualifying campaign. So by the time the tournament comes around, you can be a lot older and still be eligible.

40:51Luke Moore: Now on the subject of international football, Gareth Southgate's bid to become polar manager has been rejected by the Polish FA. That's a declaration of war in my view. I mean, in today's current geopolitical climate, if you are going to do something so deliberately provocative to an ambassador of our nation we accepted your fucking pop I would love you did no such thing I did I went to Catholic school, there's pictures of him all over the bloody place it's nothing to do with you and Jeremy Beedle there was an oil painting of the pop next to Jeremy Beedle Jeremy Beedle go to your school? no but he visited, the pop did not visit I think Catholic school, you've got to have an oil painting of the pop and then next to it, Jeremy Beedle For those disgraced Tory MP that did a lot of kids.

41:34I genuinely think if you are going to be, like I say, that provocative, I think I'd love to see Prime Minister Keir Starmer recall all of Britain's diplomats from Poland. Yeah, he could get us on back. It would be a week he's had.

41:48Luke Moore: Or wear waistcoats. Making a big show of leaving. Well, enough of that bollocks. The Polish FA chief said, with regard to Gareth Southgate, he said, we received an offer to hire him, but we must remember one basic thing. No foreign coach will give us a guarantee that we will qualify for the World Cup. If he gave us such a guarantee, I would hire him immediately. So it's quite an interesting... Hell of a rebuttal, isn't it? Yeah. He said, Fernando Santos is a perfect example. Coach with success, big name, everyone applauded and the verification was surprising and painful for all of us. I don't think everyone did applaud for that.

42:22Based on my experience of him. Because of old Gil, Southgate's not got the job.

42:25Luke Moore: Yeah, that's poor. That's absolutely poor. He's not been confident enough to go and guarantee that he'll win Poland the World Cup. Well, qualify for the World Cup. I think Southgate needs to go and take a leaf out of old Svennigan's book. Get yourself out of the Far East. Have a lovely old time. Go to the Philippines, Thailand, something like that. Isn't he like cricket? Isn't he a big cricket guy? Yeah, I'm confusing him with Steve Bruce. And that's fish, isn't it? Yeah, you always get them confused. Well, gentlemen, let's talk about some club football. We mentioned Real Oviedo a few podcasts ago because they were playing in a promotion play-off.

43:03Luke Moore: They got through the semi-final. Santi Cazorla came on, changed the game. Well, I can officially tell you right now, in case you hadn't heard, that they are back in the top tier of Spanish football for the first time since 2001. That's massive. And is Santi Cazorla going to stay on? Well, I don't know. Or is it going to be like a Paul Merson type scenario? Well, they played a two-legged play-off final against Mirandas. And Mirandas were 1-0 up from the first leg and then went 2-0 up on aggregate in the first half of the second leg. but then Santi Cazorra scored a penalty at the end of the first half so he was involved God, it makes me feel sick with happiness and then they managed to do it they sealed promotion pitch invasion lovely old job lovely goal to win it by the way yeah so so many Cazorra shirts in the pitch invasion what do you think I think it would be amazing to see Cazorra kick a ball in La Liga again yeah but I feel like one ball yeah just yeah the ceremonial kicker like a ceremonial first pitch yeah maybe that's what it is a lot of fans weren't in their own pocket for this team like 10 years ago so it's a huge I think it's from England as well yeah shareholders from all over the world that saved the club it became a bit of a kind of viral thing didn't it I'm sure if there's anything at all left in the tank because Orla will want to be involved because he already earns the lowest amount you're allowed to earn in the league as we have mentioned many times before he's on the national the Oviedo living wage he is which is still like 90 grand a year but I'm sure that as I say if there's anything left in the tank you want to be involved in that right Does he get a promotion upgrade on his wages?

44:28He could show off his little tattooed ankle, couldn't he? He could do, yeah.

44:31Luke Moore: Well, maybe now he'll be like, I want a proper wage. I want a new ankle. Do the Aaron Ramsey. It's a very romantic story with the real of it. Now they're back in La Liga. Sell yourself to the Saudis. The most romantic thing about it, Marcus, is the guy who scored the winner to seal their promotion was Francisco Portillo. Yes. Lovely to hear his name, isn't it? You once met Michael Portillo. Yeah. He did, yeah. In where? It was in Poland. There we go. See, you're judging, but there's the callback. I wasn't judging. Get Michael Portilla the Poland job is what I'm saying. You're doing what that reporter did.

45:02Luke Moore: Are you not Correa's brother? Oh, yeah. Are you not related to Portilla? Speaking of confused politicians, Cyril Smith was actually a Lib Dem. Oh, very good. Right, yeah. Nice to hear that, Peter. Sorry. Thanks. That's not going to make any sense if they edit that out, is it? You fucking dare. By the way, in the relegation play out, as it was called in Serie B, Sampdoria beat Solanitana. They did. they beat them 4-0 yes Lernitana fans decided on balance that they've taken it quite well after the terrible luck they've been served well the food poisoning delayed the game by two days Sampdoria were 2-0 up after 65 minutes but then the Sampdoria fans started ripping out seats and throwing them on the pitch eventually the game was delayed and Sampdoria were just crowned winners get it done if you're not vomiting you're ripping up yeah fine you stay where you were you're there absolutely dead club get out of here put nothing to do with it If you're not puking and shitting everywhere, vandalising stuff.

45:59Get a seat.

45:59Luke Moore: Get a seat. So, yeah, it's a sad ending, really. It is. But was it ever going to end any other way? I don't think it was. No, it wasn't. Why is it ending on the 23rd of June? No, I know. I was saying that last week. Wild. Yeah, respect the Club World Cup. They want to watch it. Sapdoria, congratulations. Yes. See you for Precision Train tomorrow. There we go. All right, coming up after this, David Moyes takes up a new role at the Kremlin.

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47:48Luke Moore: Now then, let's go to the city of Liverpool. Liverpool themselves looking very ominous, aren't they? Florian Witts has officially been unveiled by Liverpool on Friday. The fee is£100 million plus£16 million of add-ons. It would make him the most expensive transfer fee involving a British club, bringing someone to this fine island of all time. 23 of his 31 Bundesliga appearances last season came in the attacking midfielder slash number 10 role, Jim Campbell, which we used to call the hole. Jam role. Where would you fancy seeing him play? because much has been made about his skill set, where he'll fit in, what he'll do.

48:26Luke Moore: I'd quite like them to loan him to a team in another country. One of those loan-back ones. Yeah, straight back to Leverkusen, why not? What are you thinking, with Arsenal daring to try and sign a centre forward, whether they were or not. Thinking about daring it. Yeah, so maybe in like two... And talking to about three of them. Yeah, so maybe in two summer transfer windows time, they might actually buy someone when Szczesko's value is about 30 million more or something. But there was chat about, can we push on? second place second place can we push on and then Wirtz turns up at Liverpool honestly looking at it genuinely makes you think it's very hard to retain a title isn't it but you look at that and think they're probably favourites probably definitely I mean like heavy favourites oh yeah definitely I'll tell you what it feels like it feels like the classic Ferguson style just reinforcing and strengthening from a position of strength already definitely which is a brave but probably ultimately quite sensible thing to do It's demoralising for the other teams.

49:23Luke Moore: Another smart thing to do in that situation is to change. Teams are out of the season to figure you out. They're definitely going to play slightly differently with Florian Verts there because it's just not really a role they've had in the team in that way. So they're going to be probably even more unpredictable than they already are. I mean, Frimpong's a brilliant signing as well. They don't appear to be done yet either. It's very ominous. You think they'll bring a striker in as well? Well, I'm not sure. But what does Verts could play as the old false nine as well? I mean, there's so much they could do.

49:49Luke Moore: I mean, they're going to have to work on it. it may not click straight away. I would fancy it do click pretty early on. What's quite interesting, you talk about Liverpool being favourites for the Premier League next season, which of course they are, but if you look at an amalgamation of betting companies and the prices and stuff, they are favourites, but they're not massive favourites, which is interesting because what you've got as a set-up in terms of who the markets think will win the Premier League next season, Liverpool, Arsenal, and Man City, they're all quite close in. I think people are waiting for Man City.

50:17Luke Moore: Probably are. Because they made some decent signings and the ones even they brought in in January But after those three markers, it drops off a cliff. No one thinks anyone realistically has got a chance of going close, apart from those three teams next season. Not even Thomas the Frank Engine Spurs. I hope that catches on. Well, I have to say it's not mine. I heard Alan Cleary say it, but I think it's been doing the rounds. But I thought to myself, when that was said, I thought, yeah, that should be here to say. Thomas the Frank Engine rolls into town. Rolls into Tottenham. Very nice. But it's an ominous sign.

50:47It makes them go from... I mean, because really, the other thing that we haven't mentioned, explicitly here which of course we all know but we mustn't forget is that Liverpool won the Premier League at a canter last season anyway. It wasn't like oh they took it down to the last game and they just got it done. They were by miles the best team and this makes them better for sure.

51:05Luke Moore: And then they've just agreed a£40 million deal to sign Milos Kerkic from Bournemouth. So the full backs will likely be completely different as well which is certainly going to change a lot. Less rodent like? Well I think presumably Frimpong would be the starter on the right. you would think and he will be getting up and down that wing he's effectively a wing back and there is talk of Andy Robertson possibly moving on as well isn't there but you would think Kirk is coming in to be the starter he would be yeah and that gives them just so much so much pace so much pace and you think I think that you're going to see even more attack in football from Liverpool if this is the case proper bombardment oh absolutely this is it'll be that's what they're going for just to really kind of go as you say Luke we're the best team we're the champions and you really, really won't want to face us even more than you did last season.

51:54There's talk of them going in for Gay as well.

51:55Luke Moore: Yeah, well, I mean, that would strengthen the back. Because Qantas is going, isn't he? Winning the league and beating the Champions League does make you a lot of money, doesn't it? Yeah, it's hard to spend. I mean, yeah, so Gay, he's got a year left, doesn't he, at Palace famously, but I saw a talk saying that he'd actually, he'd possibly even run it down. He's so keen on Liverpool. Right. It's the paper talk. Yeah. Rat, oi, rat. Does it work the other way? Does that make him a rat? Oh, I don't know. Maybe. Will Liverpool fans accept him or will they say, because you've done exactly what Trent Alexander-Arnold did, you are also a rapper.

52:23He will be booed for a while. Yeah, I think they should boo him for as long as they boo Trent.

52:27Luke Moore: Okay, fair enough. As you mentioned, Gerald Kwanzaa is heading to buy Leverkusen for£30 million. That's a really good fee for Kwanzaa. Yeah, I think he's good. And that's probably why they've made sure a buyback clause is in there as well because clearly they expect him to do great things. He's one of those players a bit like you were talking earlier about Harvey Elliott. He's clearly really good. Yeah. but doesn't play as much. Kind of plays when there's an injury or there's a fixture schedule pile-up or whatever. And I think as a centre-back, you are far better if you can just play every game.

53:00Just play and play and play. It gets you right into that rhythm. So I think it's a great move for him, but clearly Liverpool expect something from him because they want to get him back if they need to. How do buyback clauses work for players who aren't really that arsed about going back to where they've been bombed out of?

53:15Luke Moore: They have a say in it as well, obviously. It's just that essentially the old club gets first refusal. I get the impression that the Leverkusen and the Liverpool transfer teams have just hit it off. Just got on like a house on fire. Just addicted to doing business with each other. Must be it, must be it. It's like Arsenal Man City back in the day. It's exactly like that. Nasri, Sanya. Who are we getting back? What? Patrick Vieira, come on. Yeah. Oh dear. Well, let's spin our heads and look at the blue half of Liverpool, if we may. We were talking about Karl Walker and David Moyes linking up at Everton.

53:47Luke Moore: Well, there are some conspiracy theories suggesting that Moyes might not actually be at Everton at all. After we saw an image of Dmitry Peskov, who is the Kremlin spokesperson. And if that's not David Moyes in disguise, I don't know what is. It's a magnificent disguise as well. What I like about this is two things. One is that we've decided on a podcast to go very, very big at the end of the show on a lookalike that no one can see. They're going to have to Google it themselves. Do Google that. You won't be disappointed. And the second point is, it's genuinely worth doing it. Yeah. Because that looks like someone's just shoved a comedy moustache, this is me saying it, who's also got a comedy moustache, on David Moyes, stuck him in a suit and sat him in the Kremlin.

54:30Just Google this.

54:32Luke Moore: Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov. It's annoying because I've listened to, I listened to so much kind of like podcasts about Dmitry Peskov and I've never actually seen his face. My God. Yeah. My God. That's a naughty uncle look, isn't it? The image I'm looking at looks like it is David Moyes in disguise and that he thinks everyone can see that it's David Moyes in disguise as well. And the headline on the tweet says, Russia would react negatively if Iran's leader is killed, say the Kremlin. So, yeah. There's no way Ukraine are making forays back across the border into Russia if David Moyes is in charge.

55:06Absolutely rock solid. They're airtight at the back. Come on. How what? Some of the stuff he said today. A lot of it will be cut out. Yeah. But mine were all true. Pope John Paul II, good canoeist. Jeremy Beadle was on the wall of English Martyrs Sixth Form College.

55:24Luke Moore: English Martyrs. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACOS Creator Network. We're back tomorrow for the Mailbag. Make sure you subscribe in your podcast up so you never miss an episode. And remember to sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon at patreon.com forward slash football ramble. And you should do that because it means you're far more likely to get a question read out on tomorrow's Mailbag episode. if you're part of the Discord swindle. The patron swindle. The rock and roll patron swindle. Oh, dear. Pete, we've got time for you to say one more outrageous thing. No, no, I'm going to get out of here.

55:53Luke Moore: Okay, thanks, Lukey. Thank you. Thanks, Petey. I'll need you to do a Hilton Honours sponsorship script. Oh, they'll be pleased to have you on it after today. Didn't they need to give him a big chair because he's a big fat bloke? Pete's the only bloke who's legally allowed to do Hilton Honours live reads, but he's not allowed to stay in the hotel. Ever dreamt of your next great escape? Oh dear. Thank you, Jim. Thank you. And thank you, David Moyzov.

56:29The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

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