Gianni gets the keys out

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3:06Luke Moore: which oasis lyric am i going to start with andy that's the question i was none of them you just had a nice little chat there it's over now I'm betting it won't be off definitely maybe okay then you'd be right step outside because summer time's in bloom everybody welcome to the football ramble Chelsea are the world champions and Crystal Palace a conference league it's Monday 14th of July I'm Marcus Speller I'm Luke Moore I'm Eddie Brassel and I'm Pete Donaldson

3:42Luke Moore: Hello, everybody. It's the Football Ramble. And you have to say, it's a magnificent Monday in the Football Ramble because the Club World Cup is finished. It is. And we're all just, we're catching our breath. We're the only football show that starts off by dictating to our listeners what they have to say. Yes. You have to say that this is the best show. In the words of Barry Davis, you have to say it's magnificent. It's magnificent. What an ending. What a finale. Everyone was involved. And that's just Donald Trump. Right up to the president. Yeah. You've got to say. The chain of command. Andy Brassel, before we talk about Chelsea 3, PSG, nil, you're the only person among us who sampled and witnessed the Club World Cup first hand.

4:28Luke Moore: Supped it up. Supped it. You must be... Quaffed it. I choose my words. I'm trying to... You must be very proud of FIFA. Yeah. You slurped deep from the FIFA Club World Cup earlier this month. From the Infantino pool. Yeah, he did. You wear white trainers like the great man. How's your legionnaires? Oh, we will get onto those trainers in a bit, Andy. Don't you worry about that, Hans. How's your legionnaires disease from supping deep from that pool? Yeah. Well, it's still in the queue, waiting to sup from that pool. Yeah, I guess so. Because that was very much part of the Club World Cup experience.

4:59Right.

4:59Luke Moore: But after having a big old suck on the FIFA teat, Andy, what would you say to everybody? A big old suck on the FIFA teat. Don't say titty. Big Mama FIFA. Get involved, Pete. I think it's disgusting. It was Big Mama UEFA, wasn't it? I know. Big Mama FIFA's even bigger. Even bigger. No, no, it's Big Daddy FIFA. Big Daddy FIFA, yeah. In my mind, I'm thinking about that big inflatable pig over at Battersea Power Station, that Pink Floyd coverer. Oh, that big inflatable Donald Trump, even. Yeah, it could be that, yeah. No, that's him. Napier. That's the guy. Answer the questions, Andy. I was going to say, do I have to rephrase it again?

5:37Luke Moore: Is it everything you dreamed of or not, Andy? Yeah. What do you reckon? Andy's on cloud nine. He can't speak. What I love is, you know when something's questionable and as soon as the final whistle goes, the broadcaster, who's very much in partnership with FIFA, as we know. Yes. Let's be honest here. Oh, they were very quick. It's been a success. It's been a success. That's the end of it. No further discussion. We'll decide. It's like doing our show. And the only people that can do reviews of it on Apple are us. another banger five out of five you know when will these guys ever stop they're so good can you believe how good they've become yeah yeah yeah would you agree there was a success though Andy hard to define success isn't it in these tricky times qualified qualified I think it's fair to say look I think the Club World Cup there's a kernel of a really good idea in it the way it's actually been manifested very different.

6:36Now, look, I think first we should be talking about the final and how Chelsea managed to win a competition of at least some importance. Yes. And I think it's churlish to take away from that before we discuss the tournament as a whole, which, I mean, you could spend a week really picking holes in it. All right. Maybe that should be on the Patreon. Are you free for the rest of the week?

7:01Luke Moore: When you say there's a kernel of a good idea, is that the little key that opens there? It's the guy that's KFC. Yeah, okay. The Colonel. I remember. Okay, well, Chelsea, they were brilliant. They were absolutely astounding. We are doing a predictions reveal show, by the way. So you will, for those who have remembered, I've fancied Chelsea for a little while in this tournament. I didn't put that on the paper. I was shocked on Friday because Andy was really convinced that Chelsea were going to defend beautifully and get the win. But they didn't even need to defend beautifully. I'll tell you what, it all came up, Russell, because on Friday I listened to that and I thought he's talking shit.

7:40On the WhatsApp group I posted, easy PSG win. Turns out Andy was spot on, as per. As was I. Oh yeah, you were as well. But I think you just copied Andy though.

7:48Luke Moore: To be fair, we got it on tape. Yeah, but you and Andy, you're making the calculation if I just do what Andy says, even if we both fail, we're strength in numbers. Okay, fair enough. You know what you're thinking? You're thinking, because... because of the last four weeks of the Club World Cup, you're thinking everything's a conspiracy. No, I'm thinking... And you're thinking, well, Marcus are in cahoots. Partly, but I'm also... That's what you're thinking. I'm also, I can't help whenever I listen to you broadcast, I always just think to myself, we've had enough of experts. I'll stick to my own view.

8:16Is that not the first time or the last time you've aligned yourself with Michael Cove, is it? No. Chelsea were good, though. They were really good. They were excellent. And what they were able to do was able to switch it up. They were able to... Because if you think about how towards the end of the domestic season, I don't really know that much about the Conference League because I simply didn't watch it. But towards the end of the domestic season, Chelsea were under a bit of pressure and the manager was under a bit of pressure as well, I think, from Stamford Bridge, faithful for continually playing out for the back, seemingly putting pressure on themselves and all the rest of it.

8:48And what they did against PSG last night was they basically massively targeted their left-hand side, overloaded it, and clipped these balls over and over again over the top of the press and then pressed themselves and basically did to PSG what PSG do to other teams. And when you've got someone like Kvatskelia, I don't know if it was just the heat was getting to him or he didn't fancy having him.

9:08Luke Moore: I mean, they've had a long run to that final. But he wasn't tracking. Basically, certainly the two Palmer goals and kind of the Pedro one as well, I suppose, came from the fact that Nuno Mendes was completely outnumbered and they kept getting overloaded. And so, I mean, the game was over. after half an hour, basically. I mean, obviously, we'll talk about Sanchez's amazing performance. He was good, yeah. In bins. His distribution was better than I've ever seen it from him. He was just absolutely imperious. I think it would have surprised more Chelsea fans as well. No, you're right. I think his whole performance and that part of it as well did.

9:43Luke Moore: I think with Chelsea, they have had a kinder run to the final. There's no question about that. But, and also PSG, at some point, they will get tired. I know they've not looked tired and they've defied everything. They didn't make a lot of team changes. And the only team changes they really made were enforced ones. Yeah. Our enforced ones that really cost them. But I think as well, PSG would have, you know, when they get Chelsea in the final, they're thinking, okay, well, we've beaten Bayern and Real Madrid and others on the way here. May well have kind of thought, oh, we should be okay against these.

10:16Luke Moore: I don't know. That's me, you know, speculating there. But you're right, look, PSG always, you know, we know what they're like. They swarm. PSG often win the game in the first 20 minutes or the first half at least. Well, that's what Chelsea did to them. It was remarkable. But you have to ask, what are the exceptions to that? What are the points when they've been so imperious in 2025 when they've been knocked off kilter and it's by Premier League teams? It's been by Aston Villa at Villa Park. It's been by Arsenal in the first 25 minutes of that game in Paris in the second leg. And Liverpool. And not by letting them get out.

10:47And yeah, I mean, they were... They were the better team against... Sorry. Yeah, I mean, I think that's a little bit different despite the result. But you're right, Liverpool did have a degree of success against them. But if you're looking at the two teams that really inconvenience them in big games is Aston Villa and Arsenal. And I think Chelsea were smart and used something from that. And like Vitinha, who has had a shout, I think, to be the Ballon d 'Or. Whether you think he's the Ballon d 'Or or not is a different question. It's probably Usman Dembélé, and that's fine. I think most people are fine with that.

11:17But Vitinha is one of a number of PSG players who's in the conversation. but that underlined why he's a really good defensive midfield player for this team when they've got the ball. Yes. And when they haven't, people can talk about Nuno Mench and the fact that he hasn't really got cover. I think one of the main reasons he hasn't got cover is because their best defender William Pacho is not there and he can't come across and help him. And the other thing is if you're going to get at PSG, you make Vitinha play more like a defensive midfielder without the ball and that is the space that Cole Palmer was able to take advantage of.

11:52It's the one time since they've sold Manuel Ogarte that I thought, well, they could have done with Manuel Ogarte there.

11:57Luke Moore: Yeah, it's obviously easier said than done. But the fact is, you know, the way the final comes about, as I say, PSG, as I say, at some point they would show a bit of fatigue. So it was almost like a perfect storm. But you have to be brave when you do that. Because with Chelsea, you know, because you know what it's like? The idea of playing PSG now is like, bloody hell, how are we going to do this? All right, let's defend and try and hold on. and that's when they kill you. And Chelsea stuck to the guys. I mean, Mureska said, I knew in the first 10 minutes we'd win the game, which, okay, it's a bold thing to say, but he ultimately proved right.

12:28I think that, I take Andy's points, but I also do think that if you're Luis Enrique, I think you, I don't understand the reasoning behind why he didn't say to Karatscheglia, you need to get back here and you need to be in there and you need to help because he wasn't doing that. He got dragged off before an hour. I don't know if the heat got to him, the fatigue got to him, whatever. Perfect storm or not, I understand the point that William Pacho is out and that's important. But Malo Gusto was having the freedom of the pitch. And you could make an argument, probably wouldn't be a very long argument, but you could if you were feeling particularly spicy.

13:05You could say, give Mano the match to Malo Gusto. Because Palmer's getting the plaudits anyway. A couple of goals and assists. He gets the player of the tournament, whatever. Gusto was tireless over and over again, asking questions, asking questions. He was really good. And Karetscheglia couldn't stay with him or just didn't want to stay with him.

13:21Luke Moore: Do you think, though, I agree with that. Do you think, I wondered that. Why is Luis Enrique not doing anything? Do you think it was a case that PSG are clearly the best side in Europe? They and everyone else assumed, other than Andy and me, assumed that they were going to become the best team in the world, officially. It's official. Yeah. You get to wear a little badge now for the next four years, don't you? Yeah, you do. Yeah. Do you think that there was, a bit of complacently or arrogance, yeah. I don't know if they expected Chelsea to play the way they played. But you have the first goal and then the second goal.

13:56Luke Moore: It's pretty much a carbon copy. It's exactly the same goal. So how come by that second goal that you haven't adapted? I'm asking the question. I'm asking the question as to why they didn't dig in. I don't think they have any more to give. I mean, the idea that Kvartoskelia thinks, no, I don't fancy it today in a final. I'm not saying that. That's just not right. What I said was, I don't know if he didn't want to do it or if he couldn't do it he clearly but he always wants to do it so we know the answer don't we in the campaign throughout the Champions League he was doing a lot of it so it must be but that's his thing that's his thing and you've got to remember that like for the first goal slight amount of fortune getting the ball back like that and then being able to lay off to Cole Palmer who finishes like that for a normal goal it's absolutely amazing he's turning around to all other Premier League sides and going you've just got to stroke it in What Palmer's got that you, I just don't want to sound old school, but what Palmer's got that you just simply, in my view, cannot coach is that he approaches every single game like he's just down the part of his mate.

14:55And nothing about the occasion or the situation he's immediately faced with makes him make any different type of decision. Marcus, you said this before a couple of years ago, I think probably whenever it was, whenever he just signed for Chelsea and he started off well and he was taking penalties and he got asked a question about penalty and it was like he'd never even considered the idea he'd ever miss one. what what would ever miss one the more information he has

15:16Luke Moore: it seems to do worse he plays yeah I guess it probably is he's a very pure footballer but with that he did go a period didn't he oh yeah the quiet period last season yeah and you know what he's like with the interviews he's quite sanguine he's quite sanguine about it wasn't he he was and he's a man of few words as we know but he said I've had a tough time on and off the pitch right so I think it's I don't know what that is and I don't wish to probe of course maybe he had a bad match off the pitch with his friends Could have done. Yeah, maybe. Possibly. But it's great to see him. Headers and volleys, went out first.

15:49Didn't over a kick inside the six-yard ball. Exactly, yeah. Not allowed.

15:51Luke Moore: But it's great to see him scoring for Chelsea like this ahead of the World Cup final next year. And I'll leave that there. But of course, we've got to mention... It looked like he was thriving in the conditions, didn't he? Wasn't it funny to see him do the cold Palmer celebration? It looked like he was going to keel over from East Coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the assist for the... That is one of the symptoms of hypothermia, by the way. Is it right? You think you're really warm when you're really cold. Could go the other way around. Maybe it was so hot he thought it was cold. His assist for the third goal was delightful.

16:21Luke Moore: João Pedro. What a start. Pete Donaldson. What a start to his Chelsea career. Yeah. Getting clawed by the neck by Enrique at the end. It was very weird. That was odd, wasn't it? That was very weird. Welcome to football. Luis Enrique came out after the game saying about how it was unacceptable and how you can't believe this kind of stuff goes on. I was thinking, you did it. Yeah. You did it. You've got a man's skin underneath your fingernails. As always, I was trying to break it up and stop an incident from happening. Maresco was the only one breaking it up. Maresco was, I'll take out the big man.

16:53Luke Moore: He grabbed on a rubber, look, come on, just calm down, pass a via mean ride. It was all still, Rio Sanrico was like, well, I better step up then. Yeah. I was trying to use Joe Pedro's spinal column as a separator. Like a cordon, if you will. Yeah, he was a bit Mortal Kombat. about the whole thing you've got to make the calculation of your PSG there you're used to winning you've won pretty much everything you've lost in the final and you're French as a team it makes you look like a bad loser you need to get off with some dignity yeah it's fair to say they didn't do that maybe if you saw him in training maybe he was just overheated because he was wearing too many clothes did you see him going round in training sort of stripped to the waist with the little sort of Cristiano Ronaldo shorts still looks good oh for sure before we talk about The trophy presentation as well.

17:39Luke Moore: Yeah, we've got to talk about that. There was a sending off in this game. I was all for it. I agreed with it. I agreed with it. Did you? It was the back end of each half had got a bit spacey, didn't it? It was just like, oh, something has to give up. Piersy, they just couldn't take the fact that they were being absolutely schooled. And I mean, it was piss poor from them after the game. I'm sure Chelsea did their best at winding them up. No, no, man, she could have gone as well for that tackle after that. But Joao Neves, when he gets red carded, he thought there was a look in his eye oh thank goodness for that but I think he was straight off the pitch straight at the airport presumably almost guarantee that but I mean I just I do like the explaining the sending off I do like the referee and I like that they do it before the red because he sort of explains you know violent conduct and then and then the red comes out there was a in the women's Euros there was Kalato Wamser the German footballer got a red card for Stephen Taylor in it absolute handball and she was like hitting the floor I would very much like the referee to sort of go idiot red card mate my once got sent off in a Sunday league game and the referee did a little explainer which was quite nice and he just went last man no option red group stage match didn't matter didn't need to handball it see you later I love how much every other footballer in the world clearly hates Marco Correa yeah because I also dislike the man why is that talk us through he's done like the cut of his jib just the angel what's the energy he's got yeah but isn't that his job he's kind of got to be a bit of a bitty fucker who's living in your head I challenge anyone to watch him standing on the table singing his little cucurillas song to the Spain side yeah and not think he's a bellend right okay and I think Neves that's not even in his top 10 come on I mean I think the amazing thing about that Joao Neves sending off as Marcus said like every big bit in this game it was kind of telegraphed because there was the bit before where he went down, you know he's going to do the triple roll before he does it.

19:39And as Dwannev just picks him up, it's like he's caught a particularly large fish because he's not moving at all. Yes, that's right. Sandbagging him. When you try and pick him up, he's going to come up as a hole. He's going to curl himself up into a ball like a child having a tantrum. Like you say, I'm going to make my back stiff and I'm not going to get out of my cram. And that's exactly what happens. And then he goes and does a sending off thing afterwards. That's incredible. I also really liked that time when he went, Because there was an amazing time when Cucurillo was debuting a new pair of boots and he kept falling over.

20:09Oh, yes. But also, I think it was when Spain were playing France and Cucurillo was down and he was being a complete bellend. And Mbappé was really fed up of it and just booted the ball at him and it hit him in the head. But it was like a football hit him in the head at like 10 miles an hour. And then Cucurillo was halfway towards getting up and he felt the ball hit him in the head and threw himself in the floor. Fuck, he's such a dickhead.

20:30Luke Moore: I'm always surprised how young he is as well. Hope he gets headlice. You've got another 10 years. Of this, yeah. Of that. In that position. I wouldn't give them a medal for this. No. But, I mean, Chelsea, they've earned an estimated £91 million from this tournament. There you go. They're going to be a force. They're going to be a force. Look, Vitesse, you're going to need a bigger boss. Yeah, you are. That's going on the massive people carrier for Vitesse on. Very true, very true. Liam De Lapp's driving it. Yeah, he'll be loaned out soon, won't he? Actually, he did all right when he came on. He might have had a goal on another day, but Donnarumma remembered that he doesn't like English people scoring against him.

21:05Luke Moore: No. After Cole Barber and Clube Gavis. Which is another thing that will come back to haunt us in the World Cup next year. I was about to say. Well, they're going to get there first. I was sure. Both teams. Andy, don't say that. That's now inevitable. I'll tell you what, we'll be reminded of that when England and Italy are playing a friendly next summer. It's somewhere like Saudi Arabia outside the World Cup. Oh, tails between our legs. Right. I think we're going to. So, the trophy presentation. Gianni Infantino was there with his white trainers on. I think him wearing those white trainers is worse than anything Donald Trump's ever done.

21:43Luke Moore: I hated it. But you have to wear appropriate footwear for the pitch. Exactly. And I think we should push Marcus on this. It's very well... Push Infantino, you'll find that they won't be appropriate. Be a hater, all you like. But I'd love to know what footwear you thought would have been appropriate. Which is a pair of black Oxfords, maybe. Yes. Because that pitch would be well watered, wouldn't it? Oxford's not brogues. Yeah, you can't wear those on a pitch like that, though. I'd go for Derbysh's or Derbysh's. I should really know that. Either or, he should not have been wearing them. I can't believe the levels of prattiness that he went to on that.

22:13They were almost certainly like Balenciaga's and cost like$500. Oh, yeah, all that bollocks.

22:19Luke Moore: But anyway, he was there. He opened the trophy with his little key, which apparently only he can open. It's so bad. Has he got a little retractable key connected to his belt? Donald, you've got a key that only you can use, yes, so have I. But I mean, after previous FIFA events, to have a trophy presentation that people are sitting there, after Putin under the umbrella in 2018, when everyone else is getting drenched, after Messi and the Bished in 2022, to have a FIFA trophy presentation where people are sitting there, fucking hell, this is a bit much, isn't it? Yeah, I know. Basically, what Ian Francino has done with that key business is creating a giant multi-million dollar adult poly pocket.

23:03Yes. Yeah. Only you had the key and it was your secret little toy. Yes. And you take your friend back to your bedroom and you could open it with a little key and that's it. Why did you have a poly pocket? I was going to say, how do you know this? Well, I've got a sister, so I know it works.

23:16Luke Moore: That's basically what it is. Out of all the trophies in the world, it is the most likely to trap your finger in. Yes. Do you know what I mean? There's the World Series Commissioner's Trophy that's got a lot of flags. That's the only one that can damage you, but I think this one imagine if he got his finger caught in and he couldn't hand it over yeah it was bleeding maybe that's why Trump hung around his fingers stuck in it it looks serious I mean there's a bit of Mad Max energy to the trophy itself it's a gyroscope isn't it it's a gyroscope absolutely incredible yeah yeah well it's how Infantino sees the world you look into that trophy enough and you'll see the man's soul Donald Trump of course was involved and stayed on the stage yeah John Terry-esque yeah it was he made John Terry look very weak and tiny didn't he the whole Chelsea story.

23:58What annoyed me was that Donald Trump did an interview at half-time in the game and managed to sound like he knew more about football than Keir fucking Starmer.

24:05Luke Moore: He's got an arse of season. Yeah, when he was asked about, you know, who's the goat of football, I like the fact he went, well, which sport kind of thing. But then he went, and his answer about Pelé or Pelé. Pelé? Yeah, I enjoyed that. When he was, like, I thought to myself, oh, that is so annoying because I thought we were going to get him on that. He just said, blimey, there's some great tablets and there's some great medicine in the past. I mean, remember when he was talking to the Juve side in the Oval Office? Yeah, and went up for a run. And when he sort of asked about, could a woman be part of your team?

24:38Luke Moore: Maybe his second question was, could Donald Trump be part of your team? And then that's what he ended up doing. His nappy and his catheter. You'd better wear shorts. Did he not have his lifts in that day? Because he looked very, very short compared to like Rhys James and stuff. He's massive. He is tall. he is tall but he just didn't I know what you mean he looked absolutely tiny maybe this whole time he's been wearing like stilts no he's the second tallest president in history he's definitely got lift he definitely wears lifts though because it fell out when they tried to assassinate him he told me he was the tallest yeah he probably did although second tallest to be fair I just loved him though his son is an absolute monster he is yeah I'm going to sit behind him in the football yeah he won't go to the football he famously likes football he played football for his school and stuff there's footage of him he's not very good yeah okay because Rhys James said, didn't he, post-match, he said we were told that he was going to be there and then he was going to exit the stage.

25:31Luke Moore: And then Rhys James turns to him and it looked like he said something along the lines of, are you leaving? What's going on here? And Trump was a bit like, oh, I'm involved here. I'm involved. It is quite literally the price of doing business, isn't it? I'd love someone to have de-bagged him. That would have been good. But I mean, it was just, it was one of the most predictable things. As soon as he was on that stage, there was no way. You weren't getting him off. No, no. A lot of newspapers wrote me, Cole Palmer looked very confused. Did you say Cole Palmer, was there? Yeah. It was quite funny how Robert Sanchez, Cole Palmer, even Infantino left the stage.

26:06Yeah. And was made to come back. Yeah. Which I wonder is a kind of metaphor because we were on the radio last night on TalkSport, had a lovely text, can we get the left wingers off the radio? None of the players asked him to leave. Okay, yeah. If you like, if you like. but Danny Kelly my radio cohort of course asked me it's funny when you look at how FIFA takes over a country and FIFA has FIFA law that supersedes the law of a country during the World Cup that's not going to happen during the next World Cup is it? which is a really interesting twist

26:44Luke Moore: I think they probably agree they'll be perfectly aligned it won't matter will it? well will it? because I think you look at that moment where Infantino's saying yeah even I think we should get off now but that's the thing I think that's one of the worst things one of the worst things about Infantino it's difficult to talk about previous FIFA presidents for obvious reasons Blatter was kicking off last week wasn't he what about the Saudi Arabia thing yeah and this is the thing with Blatter completely flawed man we enjoyed it when he was kicked out blah blah blah so this is not a defence of Blatter but as I think Jim made the point or certainly I did that I think that there was a part of Blatter, there was a little part of him which was a football purist, in that he did want to grow the game and go other places.

27:29Luke Moore: Unfortunately, there was all the other crap as well. But I think, I'm not going to say he's a good football man, I think with Blatter there was a little bit of something there. With Infantino, he is completely an AI-generated PR man. Is it not different times though? Possibly. When he wasn't in Saudi Arabia. And I think that's a fair point. There's a really good piece in The Athletic about whether being in that role that FIFA kind of exalted role away from the real world, if you like, has completely radicalised him. Because no one had a real big opinion on Infantino before this happened. He was quite a kind of pen-pushing, kind of quiet bloke.

28:00Luke Moore: But they're for the taking, if you see what I mean. I guess so, yeah. And a blank canvas to be exploited. Yeah, and maybe comparisons with Blatter are completely futile and pointless and stupid. But with Infantino, I think that is the worst thing, is that he turns up to a country. And actually, the FIFA, what it should be with the FIFA president, they should turn up to a country. If you want the World Cup, you have to make sure that everybody is welcome. You have to make sure this, that, the other, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But he doesn't do that. He basically turns up and is completely at the mercy, if you like, of whoever's there.

28:31You can make an analogy. Essentially, I always think that when you're reading a journalist or whatever, you read a journalist's work, the first question you should ask yourself, if it's about something reasonably important, is does this journalist have more in common with their readership or with the people that are paying them, right? So I would argue that, you know, and he's going to catch a stray here from me, and I apologize in advance, but I'm going to do it to illustrate a point.

28:54Luke Moore: But at least he's set opposite you. When I read... When I read... I don't read Andy's column. When I read Henry Winter, I think, who are you writing for? When I read Matthew Syed, who are you writing for? When you read a good journalist, it feels like they're writing for you. And with Gianni Infantino, you can make that same comparison because what you can say is, Gianni Infantino clearly sees Donald Trump and says, that's a bit of me. he doesn't see a football fan like you and I he doesn't know about anything to do with us or our listeners he doesn't care he's probably had that zero contact with a football fan in any meaningful way for years and years and years but instantly he sees a Donald Trump or a Saudi king or whatever and says they're the people that I've got the most in common with and that's not the right attitude or the right person to be running the global game and that's exactly what you're talking about exactly yeah well put and like this whole Salt Bay bollocks do you know what I mean well I did think to myself at least Salt Bay's not here yesterday.

29:48He might have been there.

29:49Luke Moore: He probably didn't have the triple A pass. I reckon he was standing under the stage like Cy waiting to fly up. No one pushed him by. Nobody pushed him by. Hydraulics failed him. He's still there now. Looking at his watch. If it comes to that though at least Salt Bay wasn't there. That's it. Did you say because Gianni Infantino apologised after the Salt Bay thing didn't they? Did you just say he's learned his lesson based on last night? He must have done. He was eyeshowspied and didn't see him at all really. No he wasn't there. No I think you're right Infantino does look like a man who will learn lessons.

30:19Luke Moore: Yeah. Anyway, it was a steaming success. The steam very much provided by the heat of the American summer, of course. Which Infantino did say was an issue. But he said they will use more indoor air-conditioned venues at the World Cup next summer. Just make it up. Just make it up as he goes along. Madison Square Garden. What are you doing? They've got a few that can close their thing. I'm sure. There's some five-a-side pitches in the ball. Can we play five-a-side? Do you know what I mean? It's just bollocks. It's just bollocks. It's all just a big shame, everybody. But there we are. Chelsea, great for them.

30:50Luke Moore: They're flush with cash. Very flush, hot red cheeks after all that running around in the heat. And they are the world champions. And the Chelsea faithful will remind us of that every week in the Premier League. As is their right, by the way. As is their right. As is their right. As is their right. Robert Sanchez might have even saved his Chelsea career as well. That's the big takeaway, everybody. Right, coming up after this, Crystal Palace's worst fears are realised.

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33:56Luke Moore: What am I scared of? Uh, mouse. No, mice and rats and mouse. Wait, they're all the same thing, really, aren't they? Rodents, yeah. Huh? Rodents. What's that? That's what a mouse is or a rat. Oh, is it? Yeah. Them. Rodents. Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody. Jack Grealish. Mouse. What we're afraid of. Mouse. Mouse. He makes it sound like it's one very specific mouse that haunts anybody's home every night. Mouse. It's that mouse. It's back. But then it's like mice. Yeah, all of them. Every single one of them. And rodents too. Thanks to Friend of the Ramble, Yuki Sonoda, for sending us that clip on Discord.

34:35Luke Moore: You can become a friend of the Ramble 2 for just$5 a month. You'll get every episode of all of our football shows completely ad-free and access to the Football Ramble Discord where you can chat with us and other Ramble listeners. Search patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get involved. And Patreon subscribers get all episodes of Upfront ad-free where you can keep up to date with all the action at the Women's Euros as Chloe and Rachel are releasing episodes three days a week. And of course, the Lionesses got a huge win last night. 6-1 against Wales. They finished second in the group. to play Sweden in the next round on Thursday.

35:06Luke Moore: Big win for the Lionesses, Luke Ball. It was. Wales were obviously very happy to be there without being patronising to them, given the story that they've had. But at one point, England was walking the ball into the net. I mean, it was a great win for them. The concern was that they were going to get to the Wales game and it not be anything to play for because of how poor they were in the first game. But the second game, they bounced back in big style. Yes. So I'm excited for the Sweden game. Yeah, people saying that the side of the draw England are on is a bit more preferable. but Sweden looking good yeah they've had a good start that's true I mean arguably you would say before the tournament they would have preferred not to get Germany in the next round so I guess the fact that France came back against the Netherlands and won the game that they were losing at half time you might argue it worked out okay for them they won 5-2 in the end didn't they it was a mad game your point about Germany I do get but after they admittedly there was a settling off but after they beat Sweden beat Germany 4-1 it's like maybe we'd rather them but there we are but it's holding up nicely at the women's Euros now then Crystal Palace have been demoted to the Conference League it's bad news isn't it but what we do get is one of my favourite tropes of the current Ramble which is Andy having a massive tea off on John Textor so let's sit back and enjoy it I'm all texted out what was he in his locker before I used to come on the Ramble to avoid talking about John Textor get stuck into his family go on and now there's no escape is there there's absolutely no escape we know what you think of him but what do you think of his family UEFA of course ruled on Friday that Crystal Palace have been demoted from the Europa League to the Conference League Next season, they found Palace to have breached multi-club ownership rules due to the dual involvement of John Texter, Palace and Lyon, who take precedence because of a higher league table finish.

36:41Luke Moore: And of course, Lyon were relegated from Ligue 1. And there are some theories about why that was overturned, but they have subsequently had that overturned and they're back in Ligue 1. So therefore, they're going to be in the Europa League and blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's a sickener for Palace because this has gone on for a bit now. UEFA were looking into John Texter's alleged multi-club ownership and Palace were saying, no, he doesn't have a say here despite his 43 % stake or the company that he's involved with. And he was saying, no, no, no, no, they don't even let me choose the tea bags there.

37:19Luke Moore: They've decided, UEFA, that they believe that he does have a big say in operations at Crystal Palace, despite him then selling his shares. But of course, that was after the 1st of March deadline and they have been demoted. And Nottingham Forest have been promoted, if you like, to the Europa League. Now, Forest, there was a chat of their multi-club ownership if they'd have got into the Champions League. You had Maranacos, for all his faults, got his admin right. Well, he eventually did. It was past the deadline, but he put his shares into a blind trust, which apparently he didn't want to do. But if Forest were to qualify for the Champions League, which of course they didn't, he thought, I can see what's happening.

37:54Luke Moore: and I need to do something, even though it was past the deadline, I need to do something, which really does demonstrate that I'm trying to keep that wolf from the door, which I think he would have done had that issue arisen, which it didn't. So, what do you think of his family, Andy? I think the biggest mistake people are making here is they want to either blame UEFA or they want to blame John Textor or they want to blame Leon. I think we can say it's everyone's played, really quite badly here. Yeah, totally. What it does is it shows, it lays bare really the very idea that UEFA have, for some reason, let this multi-club ownership thing happen, not really planned for what the ramifications could be, and then just essentially accepted the most unbelievable fudge to get around it, when in actual fact what they should have done is really governed the game properly.

38:50Yeah, I mean, this is football in a nutshell though, isn't it? reactive rather than proactive in terms of authorities. And I guess the thing is with this, the reason that the rules have changed a little bit is because it used to be that you couldn't have two clubs from the same ownership group in any UEFA competitions. So, for example, demoting Palace to the Conference League wouldn't have been possible under the old rules. They just would have been hoied out. Because, of course, there was movement between the competitions when you get to Christmas. So that's why it couldn't happen. But to me, the most extraordinary thing from this is the fact that UEFA sent round an email reminder reminding people of the change in rules and being very clear on multi-club ownership.

39:39So if we're talking the letter of the law, they can do this to Crystal Palace and obviously have done this to Crystal Palace. But they sent it to the wrong email address loads of times. And there was no follow-up. They sent it to, I think it was info at cpfc.co.uk.

39:55Luke Moore: That's it. You need a more specific email address than that, surely. You need at least a phone call, I feel. Bloody. You'd think, wouldn't you? Just a five-minute call. By the way, yeah. Under the old rules, Texter is right. There was nothing in the old rules about the actual percentage. So the fact that he was the highest, or Eagle Football, was the highest shareholder of Crystal Palace didn't make any difference. it was about decisive influence but it is no longer like that because it's clear that he had no decisive influence but that is no longer the rule so what I mean people are you know Steve Parrish chairman of Palace obviously feels very hard done by but you're the fucking chairman Steve you know Steve you're involved you could have seen this coming yeah the way you ended last season was very good and a lot of people have said that this is an people are very unhappy about this that's why Doja Cat was wearing a Palace shirt ah is that right Certainly the colours of Palace.

40:51Luke Moore: She was, wasn't she? I noticed that. Very precarious position. Speaking of protests and stuff, there's a Crystal Palace fans who organised a protest. Yes, they're going to do a march, aren't they? They are, yeah. Well, Telegraph journalist Sam Wallace said, the motion is so unjust, Nottingham Forest should refuse to take Palace's spot in the Europa League. Has he had a blow to the head? Mr Wallace, Forest were very much campaigning for this to happen. oh good exactly what I wanted we don't want it yeah something's happened that we've like Machiavellian been trying to undermine for the last three months should we just turn it down yeah what's he talking about yeah we don't actually want your minerals but anyway how do you see about see this do you feel I mean there's obviously you feel for Palace fans obviously because they've not done anything and the fact is on merit they're in the Europa League but because of all this all these rules and so on they're not going to be You're always on very, very difficult ground as a sporting endeavor if something you achieve in doing the sport is then taken away from you for some other kind of complicated admin reason.

41:59It never looks good. It never plays well. There's room for mad conspiracies and all the rest of it, as Andy's kind of alluded to, because a lot of the comments I've seen on news outlets reporting this on social media is like, well, how come Man City can do this? And how come that team can do that? And it's like, you're always comparing apples and oranges with that type of stuff. But on the kind of potential poor admin from UEFA, Andy, that you touched on, I wonder whether that gives them a little bit of latitude in their appeal with CAS. Yeah, I wonder that. Because what CAS should do, and they've got to work very quickly, because lest we forget, some of these UEFA competitions have already started.

42:34So I think CAS have got a rule on it by the 14th of August, I think it is. So it's not a long amount of time for it to happen. If they can find any way whatsoever whatsoever that you ever haven't behaved or performed their role with the utmost of integrity and, and due diligence, then maybe there's some room there, but I just think it's totally beyond the pale from the fans point of view. And actually in this case, from the players point of view to not be able to compete in a competition. They qualified for by rights because of this kind of shit. Exactly. The idea, the idea that it's Leon stealing palaces, it's nonsense.

43:09They've both qualified to be in the competition and they should both be in it.

43:13Luke Moore: Do you think despite all the rules and everything that Palace should be there? Yeah, I do. Do you think that's because you're essentially believing what Textor and Palace are saying? That UEFA should have persuaded UEFA enough? I think we can say both that Textor should have done better and UEFA should have done better. and that is absolutely clear. I mean, it is typical of the way Texter run things. He's just no attention to detail whatsoever. So for him to go afterwards, oh yeah, I just didn't know it was a bit late, is incredibly disingenuous for him to come out and say that, particularly in the light of a possible appeal.

43:59But I think the fact that UEFA were clearly waiting for Lyon to be relegated to Ligue 1 and that to be confirmed just to take the decision out of their hands. I think that's the most damning thing in terms of their position ahead of a potential appeal. And that is the thing that makes me think that Palace could be given leeway and should be allowed back into... Well, they should be allowed back into the Europa League but could be allowed back into the Europa League. And the problem is there's absolutely no leadership at the top of the game as usual, right? So it's not beyond the wit of UEFA if they really wanted to to stop this at source anyway.

44:35To say that, you know, If you want to be, let's be fair. The reason that American investors are investing in, for example, Premier League clubs is because they think those clubs and those institutions and their global appeal are tremendously undervalued when it comes to comparing them with buying American sports franchises, right? American sports franchises go for huge amounts of money and they don't really have the global appeal that the Premier League has, right? So that's why you've seen an influx of American investors. UEFA seem to be perfectly content for this to happen as it pertains to multi-club ownership and UEFA competitions.

45:06And the Premier League have got their own questions to answer, but that's a separate conversation. And it's not beyond the wit of UEFA to nip this in the bud at source. Because you can easily do the calculations and say, well, this person or this holding company or whatever owns that club, that club, that club. Two of them have got a chance of being in Europe. So we need to work out what we're going to do here. They haven't done that. as Andy's kind of allured to, they're doing it after the horse has bolted.

45:29Luke Moore: They're doing it after the new competition has started as well, because the qualifiers started last week. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. The competition has already taken place. And it's particularly galling for Crystal Palace in this individual case, because of course this is the first time they've ever qualified for a European competition. And now they're having to do probably a lower ranked European competition rather than the one they've qualified for through no fault of their own. so it's a great example of how complicated football has become because the people at the top of the game haven't shown their leadership to stop it happening and you know the perhaps consolation prize in all of this is that I actually think Crystal Palace have got a pretty good chance of winning the Conference League and if they do that then you know that could be a story with a nice ending but it should never happen in the first place I mean it's a disgrace it's an absolute disgrace that football have got tied is football has tied itself up in such knots that this could happen.

46:24And it's another example actually as well of where you'd like to see fans of other clubs kind of in a way of what along the lines of what Sam Wallace is saying but maybe in a slightly more realistic way. So we need fans to be show solidarity on this stuff because it could happen to them.

46:37Luke Moore: Yeah. I can see if as a few people are saying a Palace Forest rivalry developing from this. Could be. They like their weird rivalries though don't they? There's another one coming I think. Alright coming up after this at Katari Consortium, and Andy Carroll, head for the National League South.

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49:38And club president Federico Verandas said he'd be fined heavily

49:48Luke Moore: and forced to apologise to his teammates. You can lead a man to his teammates, Andy, but you can't make him apologise. What he actually said is this situation is easily fixable by the payment of a large fine and a large apology. And I want that apology. Listen, I know you're in a departure lounge, but I want that apology. Is that why the agent isn't getting his cut? He's chitting off 10 % apparently. Is that right? Jokras' agent. What? To make the deal happen. Yes. Why would he be doing that? I don't know. So Sporting get more money. So Sporting get more money and so Arsenal have to pay this. Basically, they're doing what happens in a lot of transfers.

50:25The agent slash player will sacrifice a bit to grease the wheels. And of course, he's getting such a massive pay rise at Arsenal. It's fine. Really? Absolutely fine. It's an exciting sign to see him in the Premier League. Very.

50:35Luke Moore: a striker at Arsenal he's got an E.T. terminal what's this is he going to Darwin Nunes we were all good before we got to the Premier League aren't we but you do fancy him to do very well obviously a lot of people do Andy but I don't care about them I care about you and your thoughts Andy I care about you too by the way I swear you to know that Peter say it I think you're equally good as a battering ramp striker look I think he'd be great I've said for a while I think he's the striker that Arsenal needed because he's very different to anything they already have. His all-round games, which was already good from when he was in the Champo with Coventry, has improved stratospherically in the last year and a half.

51:21He's oven-ready. Particularly, I think so. I think so.

51:24Luke Moore: Peter, what about your Newcastle United boys? Signed Anthony Alanga, of course, for Donningham Forest. The club are also interested in Hugo Eketike, who has an£86 million release clause. but if Mohamed Kudus to Spurs is going to go by, sometimes you can pay quite a bit less than those release calls. Is that what they're going to do? Gizem. Well, if you actually want him, you have to kind of approach, I would say. What do you think about Newcastle's business, though? It's been slow. It's been quite hard to get people off the line. Alanga has obviously been happening for a very, very long time. It's a huge one, though, Alanga.

51:55Luke Moore: Yeah, it's huge, but they've historically always wanted somebody out wide to feather the nest a little bit. but I mean, huge Champions League season ahead of them and they're finding hard to find suitors for, you know, long staff and stuff so it's going to be a long old season if they don't put the money down now. A typical pessimistic response from Peter. Do you feel, last time I talked about Lange on the show, you went on the show and I wanted to know if you have shed a tear for best season of his career, Jacob Murphy, being rewarded with a big signing coming in his position. A lot of competition, yeah.

52:31Luke Moore: Yeah, but I mean, who's to say Alanga's definitely going to be starting? Murphy won't. He'll do his damnedest. Do you reckon that's what Eddie Howe said to him? Yeah. Come play for me. I know you're having a great time at Forest, and you've just been bumped to the Europa League. But would you like to sit on the bench behind and watch Jacob Murphy do his stuff? Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're at Champions League. Where do I sign gaffer? I would prefer him to phrase it as Pete did. You know, you're at Champions League club now, but who's to say you're going to start? Well, you are. Yeah. Callum Wilson's left the club that's why you're sad isn't it beautiful man looks great yeah it's got a lot less handsome that side I suppose now still got Fabian Shear I think a lot of people admit the point that it's good because he won't damage his legacy I think at Newcastle it was a good time to leave and his knees and he just needs rest he doesn't leave any further so they're a striker short now right they are yeah but I mean Callum Wilson is a bit of a ghost of what he used to be and I agree with what Andy said it would have been nice to have seen what Ossola could have offered back into this last season because he's a real rough diamond, I think.

53:37Luke Moore: He's got everything going for him. So maybe he'll see a bit more this season. Well, hopefully. They're confident on him, aren't they? They have to. They think they can make him into something. Because obviously Isak's the starter, but Isak and Ossola were the only strikers. He's mad. He's absolutely mad. So he's great ramble material. Well, currently, at the time of recording, it is two more striker options than Arsenal have got. So, you know, think about it. But yes, I think to sign Well, I mean, Hugo Icatique, where would he play Andy if he was to join Newcastle? It's difficult to imagine him playing in a two.

54:07Yes. But actually, if we go back to Giocharez, before he was locked on for Arsenal, there was this slight suggestion that maybe Giocharez and Isaac could reprise their national partnership with club at Newcastle. That would have been really interesting. And I think it really shows how good both of them are, that normally a striker just plays on his own nowadays with a bit of help from wide players. But they can play in a two for the national team. And that is not an easy switch to make. And, you know, they both look brilliant, albeit in Nations League C, having said that. And do you have any trepidation re-Ekatike coming to the Premier League given that he's only...

54:51I know he's not really young, young, is he? He's only really had one good goal-scoring season behind him. have we seen enough of him to know he can do it in the Premier League yeah I think so every situation you see him in against Premier League opposition he looks like he's absolutely made for it I'm thinking this is a gradual succession if they're going to sign him it's a gradual succession they're never going to pay that amount of money for him if that is the money and obviously Eintracht Frankfurt are very very good sellers and they've proved so in recent years like Newcastle are not going to buy at that price and I can't see how they're going to come down for that much.

55:29So it doesn't really feel to me like it's a deal that's imminent. It feels like an interest that's not particularly gone away rather than something that's going to happen right now. I wonder if Newcastle have got other priorities, particularly that sort of money. But Eketiko would really work in the Premier League. I don't think there's any doubt about that for me.

55:47Luke Moore: But with Isaac at the top, would there be room for him in that starting XI? I mean, you think he would play out wide or in behind? Well, I think, I guess the mistake we're making with both that and Alanga versus Murphy, if everything goes all right for Newcastle next season, they're playing 55 games. You can't have Isak playing all of those, and he won't play all of those. You can't have Murphy playing all of those. And every player on top of Newcastle has a price. Gordon probably would have gone if the money was behind us. At the moment, there is no way Isak is getting sold, because the money's not really out there.

56:19The market for strikers is really, really slow if we take Saudi Arabia out of the picture. You look at how long it has taken to piece together this Giocares deal. You look at the fact that Ozyman has not managed to drum up any significant interest in the Premier League. If you'd have painted that situation even a year, year and a half ago, that would have seemed mad. But that's the way things are at the moment. Now, it might not be that way in a year's time. We'll have to see. I'm sure Isak will go somewhere at some point. I don't imagine him staying at Newcastle for life, but if the market's like it is, maybe he stays at Newcastle a lot longer than anyone expected.

56:55Luke Moore: They're currently training in the Swiss Alps, so, I mean, just enjoy it. Nice. Just enjoy it, everybody. Sounds lovely. Crying out loud. Well, I want to talk about a former Newcastle United striker, Andy Carroll. He signed for Dagenham and Redbridge in the National League South. The club also announced this weekend that they'd been taken over by a Qatari consortium. Carroll reportedly has a minority stake. So what you're telling me is he's an even sexier version of Seth Crabbergast. I am. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like it's gone where the money is, but in a really underwhelming way. It's really weird.

57:30Luke Moore: So I'm going to repeat that. Andy Carroll signed for Dagon Road, which is a national league. Okay. But the club has been taken over by a Qatar consortium and Carroll has a minority stake reportedly. Luke? Yeah, I mean, I think it's a really, Yeah, Andy Carroll's having a really kind of interesting end to his career. I'm all for that. The Qatari Consultium, I'm just a bit like, what's going on here? Minority stake, salt beer. That's where he plied his trade out there, didn't he? I mean, listen, I'll be honest with you. I have absolutely no idea who this Qatari Consultium are. It just seems a bit odd.

58:00Yeah. Well, I mean, you're looking, presumably investors are looking for undervalued clubs that they can get a lot of potential with and they can build up to be something else.

58:09Luke Moore: And they're effectively a London club, aren't they? From his perspective, A, it's near his house, which is a big deal for him. Oh, lovely old job. He left France because he said he didn't see his kids enough, didn't he? Yeah. Although he did enjoy having a pint and watching Newcastle on the telly without getting happy. That's the kind of thing I say when my son's doing four days in Nasserie in a row. I don't see him enough. We were talking about things that you couldn't imagine happening a year, year and a half ago. and just to me the headline is beyond the Qatari takeover and all the rest of it Andy Carroll has left Bordeaux for Dagenham and Redbridge and got quite a big pay rise I was about to say it's been reported that he's getting a decent whack of money talking of multi-club ownership bringing the game to its knees yeah I know and you know he has because he said it doesn't matter the level of football as long as I'm on the pitch and play that's all that matters I'm playing for the love of football rather than the money love it okay well I thought you could say It doesn't matter what level of football, as long as you stick the crosses in.

59:09Yeah, I'll get on the end of them.

59:11Luke Moore: Well, good luck to Andy. You're getting paid 500 quid per flick on. That's it. I cannot wait for my children to do him on Luke's game in 10 years' time. It's going to be extraordinary, isn't it? It will be extraordinary. It will be extraordinary, Andy. Thank you very much for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACAST Creator Network. We're all back tomorrow, where we'll reveal our predictions for the Club World Cup. squeeze some more juice out of it it's the last bit of juice out of it out of the finger that's caught in the machine make sure you're subscribed in your podcast app so you never miss an episode and remember to subscribe to Upfront for all that latest analysis and reaction from the women's Euros thank you Andy Brassel thanks thank you Pete Donaldson O-O-O-M-H-I-F-I-B-I Robbie Williams thank you Luke Ball I forgot about Robbie Williams yeah cheers get him off the stage as well and thank you as bad as Trump And thank you, Mr.

1:00:05Luke Moore: I can't say it. If the devil arrives, we won't make him wait. Wait, Lurit.

1:00:16Luke Moore: The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

1:00:27Is there anything better than your team bringing home a W? How about a personal W for your health? If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to screen for colon cancer. Now the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. It's easy to put off when screening feels like a hassle, but Cologuard Plus makes it simple. It's non-invasive, requires no prep, can be completed at home in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective. Talk to your healthcare provider or request Cologuard Plus online, Rx only. Hi, I'm Max Rushton, the host of The Guardian Football Weekly. Alongside me, Barry Glendening, my co-host.

1:01:02Hey, Barry. Hello. Now, although every American found us during the World Cup, for the two that didn't, what can they expect?

1:01:08Luke Moore: Found us and fell in love with us, Max. They can expect three episodes each week of occasionally insightful analysis covering the Premier League, Champions League, and beyond. Football Weekly is back. Watch on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built.

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