Go home, you've had too many yellows

0:00Immersing yourself in all things soccer ahead of this summer's World Cup? I'm Alex Abnos, senior sports editor from The Guardian. And whether you're a soccer beginner or you know the game inside and out, we've got you covered. Read, watch, and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures, and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, reporters on the ground with all the big teams, and the legendary football weekly podcast, The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. Have you ever been stuck on a weight loss plateau, trying everything and anything you can to lose that extra weight and reach peak health?

0:35We've all been there, but Noom's unlocked a secret to reaching the mountaintop. Go in micro. The Noom GLP-1 microdose program starts at$99 and is delivered to your door in seven days. Start your microdose GLP-1 journey today at Noom.com. That's N-O-O-M dot com. Noom. Microchanges. Big results. Noom GLP-1RX program involves healthy diet, exercise, and support. Individual results may vary. Meds and personalization based on clinical need. Not reviewed by FDA for safety, efficacy, or quality. No affiliation with Novo Nordisk, Inc., the only U.S. source of FDA-approved semaglutide. Not available in all 50 U.S.

1:11states. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Granger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

1:44Hi, this is Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. Spring means literally to burst forth, to grow, and that's what we're talking about both in our kitchens and at Whole Foods Market. Freshness and seasonality is what's happening at Whole Foods Market right now. With the season's first new potatoes, spring onions, artichokes, favas, snap peas, radishes, spinach and other spring greens and more. Enjoy the fresh flavors of spring and save at Whole Foods Market. Blue Air Blue Signature Purifiers remove airborne pollutants so you can recover and sleep better.

2:21Jim Campbell: Peak Performance isn't just built in the gym, it's built at home. Shop BlueAir.com Official air care partner of the New York Knicks

2:55slash audio and use code audio for 20 % off your first purchase. That's bombus.com and use code audio. Can PSG do away the business next week or will Liverpool Kavica the tyre live? Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's Thursday 9th of April. I'm Maureen from driving school. I'm that woman who put a cat in the bin. And I'm Jintzic.

3:26Tragically, I couldn't think of a woman. That is tragic. Yeah. Yeah. Just said my own name and then your name. Yeah.

3:35Jim Campbell: We covered all bases, right? Exactly. I mean, I kind of feel like you went for the cat bin woman because that's the same energy as Maureen from Driving School, but a little bit more modern, isn't it? And what we needed from you was perhaps a more recent woman of that energy. No, I just thought of Mo Mollum. Mo Mollum, yeah. That wouldn't have been bad. Yeah, it would have been bad because she was actually a pretty impressive politician and she sadly passed away a fairly untimely way. All right, fair enough. So that wouldn't be... Why did you nearly say that? Anyway, welcome to the Football Rumble.

4:05I'm not Marcus or Pete. I'm basically the third choice goalkeeper being given a run out on this Thursday. You're Kinski? Yeah. Oh, no. I'm not going to perform anywhere near that good. And let's hope you don't sub me off after 17 minutes. Don't look at the clock, Jim. oh 40 minutes left to go and producer fiddle

4:24Jim Campbell: sub him off you know it's just good to have an eye on it yeah sub me off and not even acknowledge me as I walk out the studio how'd it have you subbed off for who could it be Pete it would be wouldn't it nah because Pete's second choice yeah I'm third choice probably be me yeah it'd be Jim it'd be all right it'd be Jim yeah hmm fair I just remembered I can't really drink my tea last night it's a lot to remember isn't it last night it finished well one of the Champions League games that we're going to talk about first. Finished at PSG 2, Liverpool 0. It was a fairly poor performance from Liverpool, to say the least, I would say.

4:58Didn't register a single shot on target. They're just three shots all game. Although things probably could have been much worse for them. And before I hand that to you guys, I'll just say that my brief take would be that that felt to me last night, that one of those games where you think, wow, we played really, really, actually quite badly and we've done well to get out of that with a 2-0. Is that fair, Jim?

5:20Jim Campbell: Yeah, I mean, to be honest, I think it's only the missed opportunities that PSG had. I think they can wake up this morning and realistically go, we should have won that at least 4-0. Dembele had a couple of really good chances that he should really be doing better with. It's only the scoreline that means that wasn't a PSG masterclass. They were absolutely superb last night and Liverpool were just outplayed. Would you say they were Susan Perb? I would go as far as to say they were Susan Perb. I thought for patches that Liverpool system worked, but I think it worked in the same way that like, you know, you might throw tissue in a sink to like flood your school bathroom.

5:57That has served that purpose, but what are you playing at? Yeah. What good is this doing anyone? So I had a little peek behind the curtain for everyone listening or indeed watching on YouTube. I would say minor disagreement slash set too with Marcus Speller, also of this parish last night on WhatsApp. You guys both would have seen it. My take was just that I cannot understand why Liverpool played three at the back last night. They never played three at the back. I actually looked it up after I got onto that ding-dong with Marcus to try and prove myself right. And then I got so bored of how boring I was being that I didn't bother sharing it.

6:34But I did find out that it was, if you take into account just the Premier League and the Champions League, it's actually 2017 against Brighton was the last time they played three at the back. They don't play three at the back generally at all. I think it was you, Vish, who was saying inexplicably, and it was Rory, producer Rory, was saying inexplicably, or he doesn't understand why, but Liverpool fans seem to hate it when Liverpool play three at the back. I thought it sent the wrong message entirely because it said, to me, it felt like, if we're going to play wing-backs of that type, Frimpong and Kerkhez, who are basically full-backs, we're really frightened of your wide forwards.

7:07Yeah, yeah. And also, we're going to play an extra centre-back because we just do not trust the kind of form that Van Dijk and Kanata are in at the moment. And I just feel like you're just going to give the opposition far more confidence. Well, yeah. I mean, that was Slott even said so after the game that it was purely about stifling PSG, not necessarily about... Yeah, but before the game, he said, we're going to go on the front foot and we're going to go toast to them. Yeah, but like, I mean, you can say anything before the game. It's like boxes before a fight. Say what? Yeah, I'm going to knock your head off.

7:38And then at the end, it's like, your head's really hard. My hand really hurt. That's a really unthreatening way of saying you're going to knock your head off as well. It didn't frighten me at all. But it wasn't meant to. Good, OK. You've still got seven minutes left. Well, your hands are like a deadly weapon as well. You have to use them carefully.

7:55Jim Campbell: Exactly. I think you have to register them, don't you? Technically, yeah. No, sorry, they're on a register. He's all a bit handsy. No! But yes, it's like said after the game that it was purely about stifling PSG. and also he extended that to why Mo Salah was on the bench because he was like he can only do so much defending he's not the type of player who's going to be able to spend 25-30 minutes in his own box without the ball and you know we can use him next week when we need to score a goal and it was quite damning that's why he's going to lose his job I'll sell it yesterday yeah I think the other the other damning thing as well is that Slott is in a position at the moment where he feels like he has to firefight whether it's in a press conference or even with his tactics and one of the things that he ends up stumbling into or stepping on is Liverpool's identity as this attacking really engaging side and last night was probably the first time he's actually done that in in a way that feels totally against what they're about to the point where I was trying to think back to a manager that would have done that last and that's probably Roy Hodgson yeah where it's so it wasn't Jurgen Klopp yeah but but it's so like it's almost saying to the fans look I don't think you get it like actually we're in this space and this is how we have to play now you don't quite understand you're living in a you know you're living in some kind of fantasy land and it's like no we're not we literally won the league last year what are you talking about yeah yeah yeah it was um a surprising thing to see a Liverpool manager do wasn't it were your team more or your team Speller on the WhatsApp last night.

9:34You both kept quiet and that was noticed. But which of us did you agree with? Marcus was saying that he's not here to defend himself, so we've got to put his point of view across. He was saying that Liverpool need to do something. They need to try and find a way of stopping PSG. And I understand that viewpoint, but I think it sent the wrong message. And I don't think it suits the players they put out or the players they've got.

9:51Jim Campbell: Yeah, I'm not sure if it necessarily sends the wrong message per se. I think the problem with it is, is how can you expect a team, however talented your squad is, who have never played in that style before, unless you've been secretly training it for months, to go to one of the best teams in Europe and expect to kind of crack it straight away and nullify them while also giving yourself a platform to build something. There was a lot of talk in the commentary, wasn't there? They seem to be suggesting that Liverpool's plan was to try and nick it on a set piece, which I think was a bit of projection, really, based on the pattern of the game.

10:26Jim Campbell: But I just think it's... Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of with you, really. I just don't think it's very likely that anyone is going to take an entirely new set up to that team and get something. And they play so much football these days. These teams don't really get a chance to work on big changes of formation. And it is a big change, right? It seems like it's only a small quirk, but it's really not. It is. Let's get on to the goals then. So the first goal, admittedly, was very fortunate for PSG. And the comment, really annoying because the commentator said this. It's going to sound like I'm taking it from the commentator.

10:59but I actually thought it before he said it which is that it was exactly like the goal that Paul Parker and Peter Shilton conceded in the World Cup for England against West Germany Could it be like it was unlucky but if your tactic is to invite pressure on yourself yeah and congest the box you know you're going to have those pinball moments obviously that's the most extreme moment where it ends up in a goal against you but I don't know you wanted three people in front of that shot and you got it and it came off a dangling leg from Graham Berkshire

11:28Jim Campbell: It was also one of those deflections that isn't obviously a deflection on first view. So it looked like it was an incredible sort of like looping chip. And I saw that again, I was like, surely not. Surely that wasn't what my eyes told me it was. But then after that, it was kind of PSG all the way, wasn't it? I mean, like I said, Liverpool didn't have a shot on target. Didn't even have a shot at all in the first half. I think even before that, the goal had been coming. That's right, absolutely. And then, of course... How much did they spend on strikers? Yeah, I know. I know. And the thing is, it takes you back to the formation thing again, like playing Eke Tike, who wasn't terrible or anything, who's actually acquitted himself pretty well.

12:01If you were going to, when we look back at this Liverpool season in retrospect and we talk about the players who've done okay, I would say Ekotike, Sabozlai, perhaps Gravenberch, they've done fine. They've done okay. But I mean, ultimately, you're not playing to these players' strength playing in this shape anyway. And then you've got Salah on the bench. I understand why that is. He's at combat for an injury. The whole thing just seems a bit unfortunate. But then to get out of that of a 2-0, the Kovac-Gellia goal is a goal of great quality. it's an amazing amount of passes the movement is fantastic the composure he is such a good player to watch he's such a difficult player to defend against he's so unorthodox in how he moves and how he kind of looks after the ball it's the little feints

12:39Jim Campbell: the feint to kind of kind of essentially trick the Liverpool defenders on the line so that he can take it another step forward and just slot it in is a work of genius really in that sort of kind of high pressure environment he can't he's very languid but he's also very quick like he kind of reminds me a bit of a quicker Zlatan I don't think he's necessarily as good as Zlatan but he he feels like Zlatan was obviously not didn't have a game built around pace at all but I think Karascheglia has a similar kind of energy to him but also got this quite deceptive speed of movement so he reminds me the other way of a stockier Thomas Muller Thomas Muller was all about like shapes basically I think he's better than Thomas Muller though he's a more talented player technically Thomas Muller, I mean, that's a big call.

13:28Thomas Muller's not a technically amazing player. Yeah, he is. You reckon? Okay, fine. But he just doesn't like, you know, he was all about feints and just being able to read someone in front of him to get past them. But it's almost like you're given Kvaric Scalia, and I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me, he's like the enhanced games version of Thomas Muller. Because he's faster, he's stronger, he's quicker of thought as well because he has to be because he's moving at such a pace. But there's a lot of Thomas Muller there in terms of like, he doesn't seem to do step overs to get past anyone.

14:00He just gets past them. That's right. And yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, as we keep saying, Liverpool were lucky to get out of this game with a 2-0 scoreline. Two major reasons for that were the two kind of penalty non-decisions, which, I mean, I actually thought the first one was a penalty. If you look at it again from the angle from behind the goal, so that both players are facing you, it looks like he hits the player before he gets the ball. Yeah, he gets into his left knee of Zaire Emery. He does, yeah, he does. And so it looks, it's one of those kind of pick your poison. It looks, depending on your viewpoint, it can look like he gets around the side really amazingly.

14:39It's a brilliantly timed tackle.

14:41Jim Campbell: Yeah, so are you suggesting that he sort of fouls him out of the way to make the tackle? Well, he makes contact with him. There's no question. It's not a clean tackle. It's not a properly around the side clean tackle. There is contact with the player. and he's also going down in the box to ground at massive pace. I don't know. I don't think it meets the threshold of being too aggressive or violent for him to be able to make that tackle to them get his foot around them. But the key thing is, Jim, is that the surprising thing, the way that the game is officiated these days, is that it's overturned.

15:12It felt to me like it's in that slot where the referee's given it. There's not enough evidence to overturn it because he makes physical contact with the player. Therefore, the penalty stands. The fact that he overturned, I actually didn't think the referee had a very good game last night anyway, regardless of that. But I was surprised it was overturned. Yeah, there was a point where they had an angle from above and they started zooming in. And I actually thought if they zoomed in a bit further, he would have given, he would have left it with the on-field decision he made, that it was a penalty.

15:39Because it felt like they were zooming in on the knee-on-knee contact. I thought it was a penalty. I was glad it wasn't given, because it felt like morally it shouldn't have been given. the second one was comedy yeah I mean what are they looking absolutely like no reason he wasn't even trying to get the ball it looks terrible in slow motion yeah he was also he also like stretched the extra bit to make sure he did push him

16:02Jim Campbell: yeah I mean if you think so weird if you think of the decisions that are given fucking moronic as well from Canata yeah but he's got that in his locker he's definitely got it in his locker but if you think I know it's perhaps not that helpful to compare different games and also different competitions because I understand the game is officiated differently in Europe for sure but like you think of the decision in the North London derby about pushes in the penalty area and stuff like that I mean it was so much more blatant than that even and the referees looked at it the APAR's looked at it how can that not be a fail?

16:30Jim Campbell: you're literally pushing someone over when they're at full pelt I mean it's absolutely mad absolutely mad and yeah they're very lucky to get away with that but I mean generally the strange thing is is I think that 2-0 is really really difficult from here but it could be so much more Do you think they're still in the tie then? I don't think they will go through, but this is part of the issue that I find really interesting about this tie, right? I think if this game happens when Liverpool are at a different point in their domestic season, they probably don't play that back three. I think having come off the back of the shellacking they got from Man City at the weekend and having had some bad results recently, I think it's a very rare thing to see from Liverpool, but there's a bit of fear there before they've even stepped onto the pitch, which again is really, really unusual and uncharacteristic.

17:17Jim Campbell: another thing that will go against slot because I think it's been transmitted from him and Virgil van Dijk after the Man City game at the weekend looked ahead to this game with a bit of trepidation as well which again very unusual from him he says the same I mean van Dijk I mean to be fair to van Dijk he fronts up every single time but he does basically just say the same thing every single game which is I mean after this game he said I'm not happy losing not happy whatsoever hopefully we can be much better especially in possession at Anfield I mean it's just a variation of the stuff he says every time they get beat yeah also somehow despite the fronting up no one ever I suppose you wouldn't really do this would you but no one's able to say to him you're not having a great season are you?

17:54No, exactly. Although I suppose he is massive You'd have to be a brave person to say that to him.

17:58Jim Campbell: Jules Breach She's right there She's the woman for the job Or Pete from here Yeah, yeah, yeah I just think sorry to cut in with Jim I just feel like we're now just seeing the start of the petering out of Liverpool season basically I think it'll probably be something of a whimper next week it's difficult to see base in the last I mean I know they beat Galatasaray pretty handily but you know they weren't great against Galatasaray on the first leg but they turned it around other than that there's not really been much to hang your hat on for Liverpool for a good amount of time now that's what they have to channel isn't it and they have to sort of again fall back on the kind of famous Knights at Anfield idea and like really really amp that up as much as you can but part of the difficulty with PSG is their fans are so loud even the away fans we saw it when they played at Anfield last time and I've been in the Emirates when PSG have been there it is insane how loud they are they're loud in Paris as well I mean you see the TIFO yesterday there's more of them in Paris aren't there there's more of them in Paris there's loads of them yeah and sort of jokes aside about the Emirates being quiet and stuff like that even in comparison to sort of pretty much any other set of away fans I've seen they're the loudest by a long time so I think that does have an impact I think it did have an impact at Anfield last year so it's It's a pretty terrible set of circumstances to go into that second leg in.

19:15And I think everything taken into account, obviously PSG don't have a game between now and Liverpool. No, they don't. Liverpool have got... Because they play in definitely a competitive league. And also they get supported by their FA to have these... Yeah, but I think that's so naff. What, you don't think it should happen? No, I just think it kind of speaks to the league that they're playing in. Yeah. And the hold they have over it. I was just going to say as my final thought that the back three, the way they approach this first leg is going to feature in the near future in some kind of long read about why it all went wrong for slot.

19:51And it'll be something like, oh yeah, senior players were confused when he... I mean, just before we go to a break, very briefly, Alexander Isak did come on for his first appearance since way before Christmas. Ahead of Salah as well. Yeah, well, quite. And I wonder whether that is a little chink of light for them to be excited about, you know, going into the rest of the season. Look, personally, I suspect not I think this season is a right off for him I don't see how he's going to get up to speed

20:13Jim Campbell: anything he can do is a bonus it is but something for Liverpool fans to be positive about at least before the end of the season I also thought actually even in this game where they were really struggling to get on the ball and they were struggling to do much with it when they did because of how quick PSG are to close you down you can really see the quality of Florian Wietz now and I think it will be a matter of time before he's considered a real success there I think he's going to be a massive player for them despite this awful season. Any word from you on Ease Up before we go to the break, Vish?

20:45A little message of support? Welcome back. Yeah, welcome back, Alexander. Alright, coming up after this. A man with no scientific qualifications whatsoever wages a war against sun cream.

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22:13Immersing yourself in all things soccer ahead of this summer's World Cup? I'm Alex Abnos, Senior Sports Editor from The Guardian. Whether you're a soccer beginner or you know the game inside and out, we've got you covered. From one of the fastest growing soccer newsrooms, The Guardian brings you in-depth World Cup coverage that gets into the winners and losers on and off the pitch. Read, watch, and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures, and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, a global perspective, and a squad of Americans, including me, on the ground with the U.S.

22:45national team. Plus, if you want to test your soccer knowledge, try On The Ball. It's a game in the Guardian app, and it's really, really fun. And if you're into stuff like this... Well, I think the problem is if you give footballers an inch, they will take a mile. Is it too much when it's this close? It's a bit much. It's a bit too real. Maybe you could just talk with a slight delay. Be sure to listen to our Football Weekly podcast for on-the-move expert analysis. The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters.

23:16But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done. Have you ever been stuck on a weight loss plateau, trying everything and anything you can to lose that extra weight and reach peak health? We've all been there, but Noom's unlocked the secret to reaching the mountaintop.

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24:33I know about the B team. I know some of the players. They have been training with me. Dos, tres, cuatro times. What a better way to show respect to a gigantic clash in the Champions League between two Spanish teams than a bit of that from Moisey. Oh, lovely stuff. Welcome back to the Football Ramble. It's me, Jim and Vish here with you today. Last night aside from the festivities in Paris it finished Barcelona 0 Atletico Madrid 2 at the Nou Camp. Atletico Madrid beat Barcelona at the Nou Camp Nou for the first time since 2006. I have to say Barcelona started pretty well in this game they're pretty you know quite unlucky not to be ahead first 40 minutes or so was was pretty good but after that kind of went wrong for them didn't it Jim?

25:19Yeah and I expected this game to be I'll say surprising because they've

25:25Jim Campbell: had some mad clashes between them this season. I'm amazed that that's the first time they've beaten them at the Camp Nou since 2006. That's absolutely incredible given the size of Atletico Madrid and the things they've achieved in the years since that. So they met a little while ago in La Liga. Barcelona won 2-1. That was only after Atletico had a man sent off and the goal was sort of accidental. Bounced in off Robert Lewandowski's chest. It was very sort of, absolutely sort of classic Atletico bad luck. Also, Atletico beat them 4-0 in the first league of their Copa del semi-final. Barcelona then won the second leg 3-0.

25:58Jim Campbell: So not enough to go through. But there's a sense that you can't really know what's going to happen between these two teams. And I think that was reflected last night by the fact that I really do think on reflection, Barcelona were the better team. Even down to 10. Despite the fact they lost that 2-0. They were quite profligate in the first half an hour. Very much so. I mean, even down to 10 as well. Alvarez's free kick was absolutely brilliant. That is a proper insult to injury free kick as well. I mean, so basically for those who didn't see the game, Pau Cabasi gets sent off for Dogso. I'd love to see a Dogso.

26:34Jim Campbell: And it's a stonewalled Dogso. I cannot believe it wasn't given in real time. Inexplicable officiating again. Yeah. Also, I only saw it on the group because I was watching the Liverpool game and you put the emoji for a klaxon and then Dogso at the camp now. now I think there should be an app where you get a dog's alert I agree that'd be great that'd be so good yes absolutely that'd be really good that and penalty shootout yeah well you could set the app for yeah exactly are we just pitching an app now if you want to invest in this for the World Cup that'd be sensational yeah but what is the referee so basically Alvarez Alvarez goes through yeah and Kibasi brings him down no Alvarez plays the ball through no yeah sorry it was Simeone Simeone yeah goes through and it's a blatant dog though but I don't even understand what the principle of the decision is.

27:27Because he books him. Yeah, he gives the foul and he books him. I think he thinks it's a tangle because if you see... But why is he booking him then? But when the ball goes through because I think he thinks it's accidental because when the ball goes through to Simeone it actually goes behind him and off the defender because they're that close it really squeezes through so it's not like the ball's immediately into Simeone's path. It actually goes behind him and then kind of comes out somehow on the other side in front of him but then obviously when he sees it on the replay it's such a clash of legs that it's just really it's so clumsy yeah clumsy is the word and Khabar says he's walking off the pitch could probably probably says to Hansi Flick you know at least I did it before he got into the penalty area yeah it's not a penalty

28:06Jim Campbell: yeah I think Simeone gave him a little pat didn't he when he came up as well unlucky son it was a wonderful free kick from Alvarez yeah and absolutely sickening for Barcelona in that moment but it is one of those ones which is just a proper a proper peach but again in the second half when Alexander Solot scores that second goal it's against the run of play and that makes me think this tie isn't over there are very few teams where you you know they lose the first leg at home 2-0 and you think oh yeah they're still in this but Barcelona are one of them in this situation because of the kind of weird relationship these two teams have do you think Simeone would be prone to overthinking it and just going to like big bastard defending in the second leg just kick the shit out of anything that comes in yeah Yeah, because sometimes he does care about this.

28:51Jim Campbell: I mean, yeah, he's got the opportunity to take it down to the trenches there, isn't he? Just to try and shut Barcelona out and not give them anything. Because inexplicably, he did it a little bit for the first half against Spurs as well. Yeah, and they don't mind doing that at home, do they? Yeah, yeah. So possibly... I love that their fans just occupy the darkness as well. They just trust it. Absolutely. But speaking of Alexander Solov, who, of course, scored the second goal, loving near post run, nice finish. It's so funny how much of a prototype he is of Erling Haaland. Whoever designed Erling Haaland in that lab, right, they started with Alexander Sorloff.

29:23They thought, right, okay, these are the mistakes we've made with Sorloff just to perfect it. We need to have one more go at it.

29:28Jim Campbell: He's the Dolph Lundgren to Arnie, isn't he? He very much is. He definitely is. He definitely is. He's a nice golfman, but it's so funny sitting here as we obviously watch the majority of the Premier League and you remember Sorloff's period at Crystal Palace when he's got like a single goal and he's got like an absolute lump. And you look at his record at Atletico, He's like 30 goals in 64 league games for them and scoring key goals in Champions League games against Barcelona at the Nou Camp. And a good finish as well. It's a great forward play. Really good forward near post run. There'll be Atletico fans who'll be looking at him thinking like, thank God we've got him instead of Jao Felix.

30:02Yeah, totally. Which is mad. Which is a crazy sentence to utter, let alone it being true. Simeone, I mean, he ran straight down the tunnel at full time as well. I'm not sure what that was all about.

30:11Jim Campbell: Did he just assume he'd been sent off? Yeah. But what did you make of his comments before the game to Antoine Griezmann, which it was quite powerful because it felt completely opposite to what you expect of Simeone. Yeah. So for those who haven't seen it, he was very, almost like emotionally appreciative of Antoine Griezmann, who of course will be leaving Atletico to go to Orlando City in the summer. And he told him in a press conference in front of the world's assembled media that he loved him and thank you for what he'd done and all this kind of stuff. It was quite a touchy moment, really. I would imagine though, if you play for Simeone, he is that type of character where it's us against the world.

30:47Jim Campbell: And if you're in that clique, then you're hugely, hugely valued. He's one of his key players, isn't he? One of his key lieutenants as well. I mean, I love Antoine Griezmann as well. And I'd say every opportunity on this podcast, he's one of my favourite players to watch. I just think he's so, so silky and kind of aesthetically pleasing to watch. So yeah, I just want to throw that into the ring as well. It's not just Simeone, Antoine, it's me as well. Yeah. and will you be travelling to the beautiful state of Florida to watch him play next season in MLS you never know you never know Orlando City I'm not ruling it out I'm not ruling it out I mean it could be an amazing do you know that film with Ethan Hawke called Before Sunset yeah I've not seen it but it's romantic comedy you could do one of them with Antoine you could go to Orlando you'd sit on the roller coaster next to him hold his hand watch him play for Orlando City it'd be nice it's a trilogy as well it is quite a sad trilogy it is but you could do you could do Magic Kingdom you could then do Universal Studios and you could finish off by doing I don't know Sea World is that still open?

31:48Probably not is Sea World still open? Probably not since the documentary Nah yeah

31:51Jim Campbell: I'll run it up the flagpole at home and see how far that plan gets Your missus wouldn't mind if it's Antoine Probably not she'd have some questions about how I'd manage to get him to agree to it Yeah and why your mate Luke had the idea in the first place Yeah It's going to be a tough sell but I will get that going Speaking of less romantic things Barcelona fans did smash the windows of Atletico Madrid's team bus before the game. I imagine that the windows were already smashed on that team bus. Just by angry Barcelona players? No, no. Well, just Atletico fans. Well, Atletico players living in a or travelling in a smashed bus.

32:26Jim Campbell: Presumably, all of those bricks thrown through the windows are just headed straight back out anyway, right? It's just training. You're just toughing them up even further for a beating, basically. And the producer Finn did start to type in the running order that SeaWorld is and then just deleted it again because I don't think you'll find the information. So it's apparently still open. It's still open for those of you who like genuinely quite cruel practices. No, you said the quid. Yeah, quite cruel practices to animals and you can pay the best part of 100 quid to go. I've been, I went as a kid.

32:53You don't think there's anything wrong with it, do you when you're a kid? No, you don't.

32:56Jim Campbell: Why would it be there if there was something wrong with it? That's what you think of as a kid, isn't it? Well, I might have said this to you before on an Uncut episode or whatever, but just as a reminder, one of my early memories, I don't know how old I was, six or seven maybe, was going to a circus near where I lived and my mum and dad having a bit of a row about the fact that we were at a circus with animals in it and my dad winning the argument by saying to my mum about a tiger who was being forced to ride a bike saying he wouldn't be doing it if he didn't want to. So that's the 80s for you.

33:28That's the 80s for you. You saw a tiger ride a bike. Yeah, but it was strapped onto it. Oh, God. I don't know if it was important. I think it was when we were on a holiday in Mallorca. Right, right. I don't think it was in Portsmouth.

33:39Jim Campbell: That's good to say. That was the weirdest thing about that for me. Yeah. For a moment. Yeah. Anyway, before we went to the break, I did do a little teaser trailer talking about sun cream. Now, that's because Atletico Madrid midfielder Marcos Laurenti, I mean, he's a professional footballer, but also a professional idiot. It's not the first time he's said stuff like this. He's launched a campaign against the use of sun cream. He posted a photo on social media dressed as a bottle of sun cream. Mixed message straight away. Which doesn't make any sense. None of this makes any sense. With two messages that call into question the use of sun cream, saying total protection against your biology and blocking vitamin D since 1985.

34:20His costume has more messages on the back as well. Get in the shade when your body tells you enough is enough.

34:25Jim Campbell: Who's not doing that? Expose yourself to the sun all year round. Not just three days in August. Again, like you expose yourself to the sun just living your life all year round? Does he think people aren't going outside for most of the year? And he says, eat like a human. Your skin will respond better to light. I should say that the official scientific advice around sun cream is to wear at least a factor 30 to prevent skin cancer and photo aging. And you should apply about 30 minutes before sun exposure and reapply every two hours. Literally, this is a joke, right? We're talking about this in a kind of lighthearted way.

35:02But what a professional footballer with a huge amount of influence is doing is essentially probably enhancing the chances of children getting cancer.

35:09Jim Campbell: Yeah, absolutely. And it's genuinely very good advice. There was a time in my life where people asked me why I looked younger than I am. That time is gone. But a lot of it was because if you wear a moisturiser with an SPF in it daily, even in the winter, you're still protecting your skin from the sun's rays because they are still hitting the planet in the winter. So every day you should be wearing some sort of SPF is what I think. 100 % true yeah it's one of the things I regret I wish I wore like genuinely just like factor 50 in winter for the last 20 years as well sorry because that was quite boring what I would say what I would say is that if Marcus Llorente is so worried about vitamins getting into people's systems i.e.

35:54in this case vitamin D we have to ask the question as to why he's also recommending people eat a paleolithic diet which is actually quite infamous for having quite a large amount of nutritional risk, including vitamin D deficiency and calcium deficiency. So make your mind up, Marcus. Well, he's one of those players, sorry, one of those people who is part of the Do Your Own Research camp. Oh, yeah, the Ricky Lamberts. Is he a Spanish Ricky Lambert? He's a little bit like that. He's gone down a rabbit hole, hasn't he? Yeah, clearly. He's got real Florida man energy. Yeah, he does actually. To the point where he gets his kids to wear sunglasses that adjust the light all year round.

36:32Is it yellow lenses? Yeah, yeah. So they wear different lenses throughout the day. He's quite open about this, which started out in a really interesting way because it was like, oh, this is a different perspective. And then when he started pushing things on people, as ever, that's when it gets a bit like, just shut the fuck up. Do it to your own kids. Keep them out of the sun. It's funny how if you get into one of these, you'll get into all of them. Gateway stuff, yeah. You get to all of them. I don't understand what...

37:03Jim Campbell: I suppose the principle is to not trust the kind of accepted truth about things. And so if you start thinking that about one thing, you start applying it to everything. And you will always find people who are kind of backing up an alternative way of considering whether or not we've really been to the moon or whether the Earth is actually round, all that stuff. Do you think... Just changing the subject ever so slightly, was there a conspiracy theory behind the fact that Barcelona midfielder Pedri appeared to mistake a cameraman's bald head for the ball during a game against Atletico on the Saturday.

37:35I mean, it's an amazing video. I was really worried when I clicked on the video that he was going to kick it. Yeah, just pull it off his neck. It's funny because he's like complaining to like an official at the same time. So he's only half concentrating on it and he just walks towards his bald head, right? Thinking it's the ball because he's only seen it at the corner of his eye. And then the cameraman, the bald cameraman himself has to say to him, there's the ball.

37:57Jim Campbell: I'm a head, actually. not a bull you're not kicking this I'm Arnie Slott leave me alone yeah and then Tudor comes in just stops him yeah it was incredible wasn't it and speaking of that also it was great to see on Tuesday night a Real Madrid fan getting a haircut in the stands at the Bernabeu was it great to see it or was it tedious I think it's one of those things now it's performative wasn't it exactly it's performative stuff that is entirely for like you know to get clipped up and shared and you know some people are into that so fair enough but it made me yearn for the days of the the man brushing his teeth in sunglasses at Stamford Bridge because that seemed to be legitimate kind of eccentricity seen in the wild.

38:31Well, he said that himself, didn't he? He said that he was, the reason he justified brushing his teeth in the stands was because he thought a girl was going to be there and he didn't want to have, a certain girl was going to be there. Yeah, it was an ex, wasn't it? Yeah, he wanted to have fresh breath in case he bumped into her. Do it before you leave the house. Yeah. Pop a chewing come in. There's products. There's products available. Less admin heavy products available for that purpose. Anyway, coming up after this, Liam Gallagher takes aim at everyone's key to sport.

39:26We'll be right back. and the legendary football weekly podcast, The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click Grainger.com or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

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40:55And if your appetite for European football is not quite sated, then do not fear because we have some Europa League action tonight, starting with Porto v Nottingham Forest. Mad game this, given that this was, I mean, it was the game at the city ground, but this fixture was Sean Dyche's first game in charge for Nottingham Forest. They're playing him again and now they've got a new manager already. Incredible stuff. Chris Wood's back in the squad as well for the first time for six months, although Elliot Anderson is not available for selection because he got too many yellows.

41:27Jim Campbell: That number being five. We should make that clear. It's not just a feeling. That's too many. No, you can't play. It's a set amount. What do you make of this game, guys? I think it's a brilliant away trip for any Forest fans. Oh, amazing. Because Porto is an absolutely amazing city. Cannot recommend it enough. Aside from that, it's... I'm tempted to think that this is not quite a holiday for Nottingham Forest but it's an opportunity to prove themselves against a very, very good team, right? They will obviously have designs on winning the Europa League. Absolutely, yeah. They'll have designs on winning this competition but they obviously, you know, I don't think there's any shame in them not going all that way.

42:04Jim Campbell: So I think they play with a degree of freedom here or certainly they go into it with less pressure on them than some teams have. And, you know, there's really good players in that squad and we've been waiting for them to show their true level all season and this is a really good stage for that. Yeah, I think Forrest a really interesting team because there's so much chaos going off behind the scenes and they do kind of, this season I feel they've replicated that chaos on the pitch as well. They're capable of playing actually pretty well. I remember seeing them play against Brentford away. They were really good.

42:39They obviously were fantastic at Fenerbahce as well but then I was at the game, the second leg of that and they were diabolically bad. You know, they beat Spurs quite handy and that's fairly easily done. But they also got a creditable point against Man City away in the league. But at the same time, they're capable of turning that really shit performance as well. Elliot Anderson's probably been their best player this season. He's obviously one of the best players

42:59Jim Campbell: in the league though. For sure. So it'd be interesting to see how this game goes. I mean, you know, Elliot Anderson is, I'm a bit worried and a bit nervous about his career arc now because he's being heavily linked to Man City in the summer. You can kind of see that happening. you can kind of see him having a little bit of a more of a breakthrough at international level maybe in the World Cup he's definitely going to go he's probably going to play games he's going to go to Man City it seems is he going to be another Calvin Phillips is he going to be another Danny Drinkwater to Chelsea do we do we really need to see this happening yeah I suppose there is a danger of that isn't isn't there but I think he's better suited to City than Calvin Phillips was because he's so so all action I think is he possibly even a replacement for Rodri you know they're very different players but they're also players that help you dominate in midfield who's going to be the manager though well that's a good question you know unless they get a sort of heavy heavy punishment I don't actually think they're sort of unappealing without Guardiola they're always going to be a force right they're always going to be a major threat it's a big change though yeah of course but I think it's easy for us to look at these situations and think for a player that they can just move to a club whenever they want not actually like that in reality is you've got to grasp these opportunities when they come along so I think he's probably looking at it like that Speaking of the charges, I mean, Richard Keyes, your key to sport, Jim.

44:15Not just your key, Vishyorky in sports as well and mine. He wrote on X, how can they keep spending money when there's still no word on the 135 outstanding charges relating to misspending of money? To which Liam Gallagher replied, zip it, your spunk bubble. All in capital. He's a national treasure.

44:32Jim Campbell: He is a national treasure. And so obviously it was reported that Liam and Noel Gallagher each would have made about 100 million quid from the tour they did last year. and we all wondered, does Liam Gallagher need 100 million quid? Is that safe? Is it going to change him? But no, he's still basically sitting about at home, tweeting about how he didn't have enough fig rolls in his packet of fig rolls, which he was doing a little while ago. Apparently he's got a system where he has two a day and there were two missing from this particular packet. He was fuming about it and he's calling Richard Keyes a spunk bubble.

45:02Jim Campbell: So I'm pleased that he's still who he is. I suppose it's impossible for him to not be who he is more than any man who's ever lived. but also it's a quite asinine take from Keyes, isn't it? They haven't been charged, so you don't give them a transfer ban just in case, do you? They haven't been charged. You saw, right? Of course, but they've not been found guilty. You know what I mean? But I feel quite conflicted because I would quite like to see the resolution of this situation. Oh, absolutely, yeah. But at the same time... This is a wrong-headed approach to it, though. Yeah, but also I like Liam Gallagher much more than I would say.

45:30Absolutely. It's just win-win, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. And we didn't do an awful lot on the Richard Keyes big deep dive interview in the Telegraph for the Times a couple of weeks ago. God, incredible stuff.

45:40Jim Campbell: That was really something. I think we chose not to, did we not? Oh, right. Have I gone against that then? Was that a group decision? Yeah, I think so. Because I think we talked about it and we were like, neither the article nor the subject of it needs to be given at any time. Yeah, but it was up there with that famous interview with Krista Burr. I know that. Oh, my God. I'm so happy that I get to be the one to introduce you to this. It's a proper, proper hatchet job by a journalist who was never going to enjoy interviewing Christopher. But she includes loads of stuff about him giving her tips for the best kind of motorway route home and loads of really, really middle-aged partridge-y stuff.

46:22Jim Campbell: And I think the accompanying photo was him on a giant chessboard that he has in his garden. Oh, I've seen the photo. And he talks about how toothpaste is a con because there's always loads left that you can't get out at the end. so the thing to do is to cut it in half it's incredible stuff she's included all the small talk he has clearly thought was kind of off the record and absolutely stitched him up that Richard Keyes interview is up there with that Christopher hatchet job and yet it is not even a hatchet job well going back to the game itself Porto have five points clear at the top of the Portuguese league so it's a tough assignment for Forrest and it is hard to see them you know given the kind of inconsistent form they've been in be able to get past Porto across two legs I think at this point but you never know but in better news for Forrest Morgan Gibbs White has been voted the winner of the Swizzles Sweeter Strike competition for his back heel goal against Man City do you know about Swizzles yeah amazing company amazing like British owned like historic company of like just blokes back in the 20th century at the start of the 20th century just making sweets because they love it yeah it's amazing and they're still privately owned by a British family that's great there's something really sort of enjoyably nostalgic about Swizzles Love Hearts Sherbet Dib Dabs Palmer Violets Yeah Rainbow Drops Underrated Do you remember Rainbow Drops?

47:41No So Rainbow Drops were like It was almost like They were like Flavoured really sugary Soft Rice Krispies Right In a packet I used to absolutely House Rainbow Drops I completely forgot They even existed Until I looked at the Wikipedia page of Swizzles Because they've just Awarded Morgan Givesham The Sweetest Striker Wow okay I didn't know those Swizzles Did Right okay They are still going There's a real

48:03Jim Campbell: Beano quality to the Swedish strike. It's great Bino energy. Squashes. Yeah, great Bino energy. Anyway, so congratulations to Morgan on that. It was a lovely goal. It was his goal against Man City, the back killers, as I said. Elsewhere in the Europa League, I'm asked of their travel to Bologna tonight. That game kicks off at 8pm. English forward Jonathan Rowe of Bologna said that he's still eyeing up a spot on the plane for this summer's World Cup. Now, I'm all for players being ambitious. It obviously gets them up in the morning, striving towards something. Dele Alli famously said, didn't he, recently, that, you know, He's got a reminder set for when the World Cup kicks off and he wants to be there for England.

48:39In retrospect, that's very sad. We wish him all the best. Jonathan Rowe is getting perhaps not quite deluded, but you can certainly see it from there when he says that he wants to play for England in the summer's World Cup, given that he scored twice, I think, this season.

48:53Jim Campbell: To be fair to him, in all competitions, he's got five goals and three assists in 2026. So he has hit form at a pretty good time. No better time than playing against Aston Villa tonight to really cement that though, right? That's probably why he said that, isn't it? He said, maybe hoping Tuka will have an eye on it, which I would also hope he does because, you know, that is his job. I think he's also saying it because he's being interviewed by someone who looked at the squad and thought, you know, from a Villa perspective, from an English journalist who thought, fucking hell, he speaks English.

49:22Yeah, okay. I'm going to let you speak to him, yeah. Aston Villa Schlab Designs are winning this competition though, right? We said that before, but we've got to say it again now.

49:29Jim Campbell: The sad thing actually is a lot of people talk about this as like a really good way them to guarantee entry into the Champions League. But it's also a good chance for them to win a European trophy, which is absolutely massive. And I feel like this, and I know the football doesn't really work like this, but I feel like this particular Unai Emery era of Aston Villa does need something to hang its hat on because they've been so good. They've honestly, at times, been brilliant. They've been among the best teams in the Premier League at times. And they're obviously not going to win the league this season.

49:56They might cement Champions League qualification again, which would be great for them. but I mean it doesn't really stick in the memory where it's like oh they got into the Champions League for their league position again I think what you're looking for is a kind of Palace winning the FA Cup you know that starts to properly hang your house and this is a great opportunity for them

50:14Jim Campbell: yeah I mean they have essentially broken up the idea of the top six right we don't really talk about that idea anymore because Villa Spurs have absolutely contributed to that but Villa have been you know someone who's regularly kind of been in those positions in their place So yeah, absolutely. I mean, Bologna, I think they're eighth in Serie A. So Villa will go into this as the favourites. We all know about Unai Emery's record in the Europa League in particular. It's just, this is a tough away assignment, isn't it? Any away game at this stage of European competition is, but they should have enough now, I would think.

50:50And I also think, you know, if you take it back to domestic football very briefly, you know, the two teams below them vying for these Champions League spots, which we know is going to be the top five now are Liverpool and Chelsea no we've just talked about Liverpool I think the signs are there that Liverpool are going to basically just fizzle out they're going to swizzle out and Chelsea you know the jungle drums coming out of Chelsea that Rossellini is out of his depth they're starting to struggle they're certainly unpredictable they lost three of the last four at best they're unpredictable you can't back them at all to put any kind of consistent run together so there's an opportunity there and I think if Aston Villa could come out of this obviously a Europa League title would be massive for them but to get a Europa League title and finish in Champions League places again is absolutely sensational stuff for them.

51:33It's great.

51:33Jim Campbell: Amazing stuff, yeah. All right. Well, Crystal Palace also played tonight, by the way, we should say, in the Conference League against Fiorentina. They've also been very inconsistent in Europe this season in a way that I didn't quite expect, really. I thought they would kind of, if not blitz the competition, at least show that they were one of the strongest teams in it, given their budget. They played Fiorentina, as I say. Fiorentina have had a dreadful season. I know they've picked up a little bit more recently, but they've only won seven out of 31 won Serie A games this season and five points off relegation although they've picked up recently.

52:02Jürgen Strand-Larsen won't be available for that one. Again, too many yellow cards. Yeah, which is five. We've decided it's too many. Whatever the number is, it's too many and you will not be playing. All right. How many yellow cards have you had tonight? You count it. Exactly. That's three nights in a row. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble part of the Acast Creator Network. That's it from me, Jim and Vish. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow with with Marcus back in this very heavy, big chair that I've been sitting in today. With you, Jim, and with Pete, but not with Vish. Too many yellows.

52:35You're not coming back tomorrow, Vish. I had a meal with the yellows. Have the weekend off, mate, and come back fresh next week, yeah? That's it from all of us. Enjoy your Thursday, and we'll see you tomorrow.

52:54The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

53:16covered. From one of the fastest growing soccer newsrooms, The Guardian brings you in-depth World Cup coverage that gets into the winners and losers on and off the pitch. Read, watch, and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures, and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, a global perspective, and a squad of Americans, including me, on the ground with the U.S. national team. Plus, if you want to test your soccer knowledge, try On The Ball. It's a game in The Guardian app, and it's really, really fun. And if you're into stuff like this...

53:46Well, I think the problem is if you give footballers an inch, they will take a mile. Is it too much when it's this close? It's a bit much. It's a bit too real. Maybe you could just talk with a slight delay. Be sure to listen to our Football Weekly podcast for on-the-move expert analysis. The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. Pros. Just because something on the job runs out doesn't mean you have to. Order it on the Lowe's app. My Lowe's Pro Rewards members get free same-day delivery on eligible orders over$25. Get the fasteners, hardware, or tools you need to keep the job moving.

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