I’m just a Saudi guy

0:00When I think about what you've become, I feel sorry for your mum. Welcome to the Football Ramble, everybody! Oh, it's international time. It's Wednesday, 12th of November. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Luke Moore. And I'm Vinicius in Antaraja.

0:24Willkommen a Mittwoch. Thanks to friend of the Ramble, Sam Charman, for giving us that intro line. If you want to submit an intro line for a future episode, then become a friend of the Ramble on our Patreon. Sign up for just five bucks a month. You'll also get an extended edition of today's Ramble. On last week's Ramble Uncut, I spoke about a lad at my church who didn't realise he was wearing smutty t-shirts. Yeah. Who was that lad at your church, Marcus? This is something that happened to a friend of mine. I wonder if he actually, he went from trainee to full gynecologist. Yeah, maybe he did.

0:55Maybe he did. Head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get involved now. I'm hoping for a more positive middle of the week because on Monday's show, I got absolutely obliterated in the YouTube comments for going into bat against raw milk again. Yeah. There's some raw milk warriors out there on the internet. Yeah. It's not the worst thing he said on Monday. No, both of us got criticised for apparently using too many sexual innuendos on the show as well. Oh, yeah. Or me as well. All of us were blamed for that apparently. Oh. Yeah. Probably Jim's fault. Probably, yeah. Well, Marcus was the one talking about fully trained gynecologists already.

1:30Yeah. No, I wonder if he did make it. Because, you know, he had the t-shirt. Well, we'll give him a call on Uncut. Get him down the line. What's he doing now? He might be busy. Hello, you're live on Uncut. Please do swear. Yeah, wash your hands. So many innuendos go through my mind now. Yeah. I'm not going to say any one of them, Vish. No. No, why would you? Because we have nothing else to talk about. Because inexplicably, we have another international week. Love it. I absolutely love it. At a time when the Premier League is in such a state of flux. Purring as well. Yeah. Purring. Yeah, the narratives.

2:03Just suddenly that hint of, you know what, Man City, they might be onto something here. They could catch Arsenal. Yeah, I know. You could lose a game at six, then end up, you know, in the bottom half. You could fly up the table with a simple whip. It's like basically cutting an episode in the really, really good final season of Breaking Bad halfway through. That's kind of what all seasons do anyway. You can watch the rest of this in a week and a half's time. Even that's how they work. It's not in the middle of an episode it doesn't. If this was the usual suspects, we wouldn't have got to the bit where, you know, the weird fella starts to feel a bit confident and starts making shit up from the back wall.

2:36Spoilers! No one's going to watch it now. It's still in cinemas. 1996's Usual Suspects. Look, you should be glad that there's an international break because you're going on to the Premier League and, of course, absence makes the heart grow fonder. It does. So you owe the international break a lot of gratitude because when the Premier League comes back, you'll really, really appreciate it. I feel like I'm tweaking, to be honest. You're better than twerking. but you have to you have to admit though that people like me who love international football we have bigger gaps Vish you have to admit that you have to anything to get your mind off Fulham yeah yeah it's good I had a pop at Fulham on Monday you got annoyed about that as well I didn't get annoyed you did you did that thing in your face where you got annoyed but no one else you did you sort of went like that did I that was uncalled for here's another sexual innuendo let's all get behind England shall we yeah we've got to do that yeah yeah yeah the England squad of course has been updated since Mark Gay pulled out as has become the tradition yes there's always one or two isn't there Nick Pope has left the squad as well, James Trafford has been called up to replace him and Trevor Chalabar has replaced Mark Gay gentlemen let's have a deep dive on that shall we James Trafford I understand some people might have him third choice Nick Pope you know there you are well Nick Pope should be third choice because Nick Pope plays football matches all the time and James Trafford does not okay yeah that's the end of that then I'm just saying how much of a deeper dive do you want than that I never asked for one seriously James Trafford made one of the oddest moves transfer moves for a goalkeeper in recent memory that was before Donnarumma was there though that's what I'm saying but it didn't just decide overnight did they yeah Travis Shalabar Vish yeah I genuinely genuinely don't know beyond the fact that he is a ball player out the back and it fits the profile of someone Thomas Tuchel might want his players to train against.

4:33And I mean that sincerely because... You're a sparring partner. Yeah, because he's not going to replace Mark Gay, but as we saw with Jarrah Quanta, when he initially came into the squad as an injury replacement, he clearly did enough to earn Tuchel's trust and be in subsequent squads since. So, I mean, fair play to Shalabu. he's had quite an interesting career arc in recent times given that it looked like he was on his way out of Chelsea then they call him back in January yeah he did but he looked like he was on his way out from Chelsea well it did it was a surprise I mean obviously it was injuries that did it and people were thinking like myself included let him play yeah 100 % and then he ends up playing I think a week or two after his recall and pretty much has been ever present beyond injury I mean he's earned this call up I appreciate it wasn't in the original squad he's earned exactly what this call up is I'd agree with that like as an injury replacement you mentioned Gerald Kwan's obviously playing at Bayer Leverkusen he had a difficult start to the season not his fault it was because Eric Ten Hag was still in charge Ten Hag's fault yeah and then he left but he's been ever present in the Bayer Leverkusen starting line up and one I'd sort of not forgotten about of course because he's playing for a big side and featured in the England Under 21s Euros win but he's in there and he's in contention the guy's he's getting minutes and I also thought to myself oh yeah like I understand he wanted to go and he didn't play that much at all for Liverpool and I get the fact that they're offered a decent fee but they may be thinking maybe we should have kept hold of him I don't think I mean I'm not trying to be too wise after the event I'm just wondering that but with the greatest respect to him and all who's sailing him I don't think that Gerald Quantse still being at Anfield would have sold many of their no and I totally understand why that was kind of good for everybody which is why he never got called a rat, for example.

6:23No, he didn't. And he's playing, as you said. So, you know, if he's playing and he's playing at a good level, I don't watch much of the Bundesliga, so I couldn't attest to that. I mean, I'll take your word for it. Then I understand that. He's also been around the England squad quite a lot. So, you know, you've got characters that perhaps the manager likes, a good mix and a blend with the rest of the team, et cetera, et cetera, then that's fine. I mean, on Chalabar, I like him as a player. I think he's actually good. And I think, as Vish says, he's good with the ball at his feet. Chelsea haven't really conceded that many goals recently and he always plays and so they are a team who've troubled the top part of the Premier League for a long time and the fact that he's essentially been I think he's played 10 Premier League games out of 11 would tell you that he's a solid proposition also at the age of 26 maybe that leads into what Vish was saying about his career arc perhaps, at the age of 26 He's only a one England cap, which maybe shows you the strength of the blend that we've had before.

7:22But I'm not at all perturbed by him being called up. I think if you look at it retrospectively, he's perhaps a little bit unlucky not to have been called up before that. So I'm pleased for him. Something we can't overlook. He won the Club World Cup in the States, didn't he? Exactly. He started in the final. He knows the nation. He knows the nation. He knows the world. He knows the planet. one might say, regrettably, knows the president. Celebrated with the president. Perhaps unbeknown to him. It does. It is quite... I think he knew who the president was. No, he didn't realise he may have stayed on the platform when they celebrated.

8:01They're my choice, yeah. But you're right. Are you a goalkeeper as well? Yeah. I mean, I wonder if, though, there's just a teensy little bit of, you know, has been over there, knows the weather and all that kind of stuff. I know it's laughable and ridiculous. That is a ridiculous thing to say, Mark. No, but it's a teensy little bonus. It's less ridiculous to say that having met the president, he might be able to affect foreign policy. Yeah. Well, the Juventus team did. Yeah. Did they though? Well, they were a part of that announcement of something about Iran, wasn't it? They were all looking around going, we didn't sign up for this.

8:34No. No idea. But what do you think about the policy? Again, I'm not here for that. Not for us. So are you suggesting that? I think it's a Brucie bonus. Okay. I want to relay it back to you to see if you want to stick with it. Yeah. So because Trevor Chalabar Don't do me dirty. Spent some time in the United States Very successful time. Last summer. Yeah. It would be a factor. No, I never said that, did I? You said it's a bonus. A bonus factor. I said it's a teensy little bonus. Okay, it's a bonus then. Yeah, what is a bonus though? Thomas Tuchel's thinking in his mind, this man has got an Esther sorted already, presumably, and he's already been to the US.

9:10So it'll be less admin for us, and he knows the weather. I mean, if that is a bonus, then who am I to ask? You've still got another year on that. Yeah, you haven't got to worry about it. It lasts for two years, Vish. And it costs you, I think,$21 or something. That's why Cole Palmer's not sweating until he gets out there. No, he's actually trademarked not sweating. Yeah, well. Yes. Indeed. Put more on Andrew Matbath and Windsor later. He's in the running order. I didn't put him in there. So just stay tuned is all I'm saying. Thomas Dugan has said, Miles Lewis Skelly needs to play more if he wants a chance to go to the World Cup.

9:43And he said, and I quote, Lewis Skelly has to be more than a good tourist. Yeah. You see? Yeah, that is interesting. I do feel a bit for Miles Lewis Skelly here because the thing he's fallen foul of is the fact that Arsenal like to play in two different ways, specifically with their left back. And, you know, the way he does it is actually more conducive to what England want in that he's quite energetic and can take the ball into midfield without really like overly committing. Whereas Calafuri, when he does it for Arsenal, ends up essentially on the edge of the box a lot of the time when Arsenal have the ball.

10:23And that's what Arteta quite likes. And so he is not necessarily plan B, but he's a different plan for Arsenal. And then because of that, he is not playing. But when he plays, he's quite important for Arsenal. So I feel a bit for him there. And I don't necessarily disagree with what Tuchel's saying. The other factor is that in Microcosm, it's a real example of how brutal the very top level of football is because who's come along and probably usurped him? Nico O 'Reilly, who comes in and plays left back. He's not really a natural left back that we think of, but he is left-footed and he puts in a performance where he just keeps, admittedly, a kind of quite sub-par Mo Salah quiet, but contributes a lot as well.

11:04And all of a sudden, before you know it, you know, it's the old saying, isn't it? One minute you're a cock with a walk, the next minute you're a feather duster, right? Six months hence. He's now not even in squads and he's not playing regularly for his team. So it can be very, very, I think, emotionally impactful for such a young person to be subjected to that. But that's what top-level football's all about, really. I mean, it wouldn't be a massive surprise now. Things can change, of course, but England have qualified already. So there's not that much at stake to make a big impression. And it wouldn't be a huge surprise now to see, you know, that the left-back choices for England don't include Myles Lewis Skelly come next summer.

11:40which would have been not unthinkable but surprising wouldn't it Marcus a number of months ago so I think it's just how football can be sometimes very cruel yeah it's quite funny a very cruel mistress because of because of exactly what you say top level football and also how young players are excelling in top level football that you can get old very quickly yeah I mean the left back area is somewhere that's up for grabs I mean in the squad he sees Dan Byrne as a centre half really but I mean we know he can play left back otherwise you know O 'Reilly and the right-footed Jed Spence I still you know have a hangover from what happened at Euro 2024 of course but I mean Lewis Hall is one that people would like to see when he's fit again he tweaked his hamstring what was it last month when he when he came on for Newcastle and I think was in the Champions League and he's a player I think people think he could have a good cup he's still very young and there's not that many squads left, but I mean, again, we can overanalyze this because people can be called up if they have a decent back end of the season and you get in there.

12:44And he has been in England's squads before. He's played for England, hasn't he, Lewis? Indeed he has, yeah. So, yeah, I just want to, I still think Luke Shaw's not dead and buried in the conversation. But there we are. He's never dead and buried when you're in the conversation, Marcus. That we can be absolutely certain. What about Trent Alexander-Arnold on the right side of defence? He's been left out of Thomas Tuchel's squad, of course. I don't think I've ever talked more about a player than Trent Alexander-Arnold. We cannot get away from talking about him. Even when he's playing, when he's not playing, when he's moving, when he's not moving, when he's in the England squad, when he's not in the England squad.

13:19It's remarkable to me. Really? Yeah. But isn't that, I mean, yeah. He's not in the squad because he's not playing for Real Madrid. That's it. But why is he in the running order, Luke? Are you? Because you put him in there, presumably. Well, no. Because on the way in, you do that thing with the live doc where you type it on the tube and you chuck in things that you want to talk about. Well, I mean, I put this in because you, you've already mentioned it, wanted to talk about this. Times journalist Sophia Money Coots. Great name. Stop there. Yep. Times journalist Sophia Money Coots. Yeah. We are a bunch of absolute snivelling twats as a country, aren't we?

13:54Where we've got people in positions of power called that. Really? Yeah. Judge her. Judge her for that name. I do like the I mean I'm probably in no position to have a go at people's surnames but of course you are I do like the fact that Coots is like a you know a private bank a famous private bank middle name oh money yeah no but it's not middle name that's the two surnames former former yeah it's a double barrelled name which possibly makes it worse yeah look I think former features director for Tatler magazine we know what she's all about look I don't look I think have you read the back of Tatler magazine no it is basically like lonely hearts but for rich people it's quite funny can you think of someone you know less likely to retell the magazine than me to be fair yeah I think I'm less likely than you that's any book yeah which not my book is it magazine then look at him defended himself I'll control my narrative if only Trent could do that and the man we're about to talk about I was going to say look I think you're getting in the way here and she is a member she is she is a member of the Coutts private banking dynasty, by the way.

15:00How did you get a job in journalism? Exactly. The mind boggles, doesn't it? How did you get yours? Yeah. How did you get yours? Working bloody hard. Yeah. That's not true. Well, anyway, you're getting in the way because you're judging this poor woman on her name. Yeah. Okay. Let me try and appease you thinking that she... I've started this by saying, judge her, judge her. Yeah. And you're saying, steady on. Yeah. Don't judge her. Judge it on its merits. Judge it maybe on the merits of the point she's making. Exactly. Yeah, judge her on her work. Yeah, exactly. Fair enough. So she suggested that Trent Alexander-Arnold, with the hyphenated surname, could act as some form of inspiration to the now former royal Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, who should maybe hyphenate the Mountbatten-Windsor.

15:40Yeah, she said... She said that Andrew should be down with... She said Andrew should be down with the kids and hyphenate his name like Trent Alexander-Arnold. Let the judgment commence. We found someone who thinks that Prince Andrew, the former Prince Andrew should be more down with the kids oh yeah and now we can judge the whole hey you want to get back to the England squad now do you do that what you want do you want to talk about Luke Shaw you know that bit in no I do actually want to stick on this you know that bit in Trainspotting where I can't remember exactly who's saying it but it's the basics the gang talking about how we have a big pop at the English but actually we're worse than them because we're ruled by those fucking bastards right and so that makes us worse Yeah, when they're in the countryside.

16:27Yeah, yeah. Whereas we're the normal people and we're having a go at these guys, but this is the ruling class. I'm not having a go at them. Well, I am. And they're the ones ruling over us. And this is some of the serious points that are being made. All right, Cal Mark, start a revolution then. The Times of London is the newspaper of record in this country. And that's some of the stuff that's in there. Well, rise them up. You've got your nation. I don't want to rise up. The nation are on their knees since last Friday. Since last Friday's performance. Join forces. Let me just say something very quickly to the nation directly.

16:57You didn't turn on me and I appreciate that. I'll always be here for you. I'll always lead the Luke Nation. Thank you for your support despite what happened on Friday. Vish cheating. Well, anyway. Why? No, hold on. Oh, you want your say. But why has she picked Alexander O 'Reilly? Yeah, why is he catching the strays from this? He's had enough to deal with. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. If anything, it should be the Spanish royal family having a pop at him. Yeah. Does she think Mount Dashbatten No, it's Mountbatten-Windsor. Not Mount-Battten. I don't know. Yeah. Come on. Have a bit of respect for a former royal.

17:33Anyway, there are rumours. Let's get back to football, if we may. There are rumours that Ivan Toney fans have moved back to the Premier League this January. Spurs and Everton have both been mentioned as possible suitors. Now, we spoke about Toney with regard to the England squad, and I think that's why the chat is really happening. It's not outrageous that a chap who went to Saudi when he was clearly better than that at the age he was, suddenly thinks, hang on a minute here, there's a potential gap for a backup for Harry Kane. Now, of course, he went to the Euros in 2024 with Ollie Watkins also as backup to Kane.

18:05And was ahead of him in many... No, Watkins was ahead. In the build-up, there was suggestions. Yeah, but then I feel like for certain Kane-like moments, it was Tony, and when it was like, well, we could do someone who could actually jog at least. Yes. It was Watkins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just think for penalty shootouts alone, he should be in there. Yeah. To let you know how he's been getting on, some may not care about these stats, but I think one should mention them. He scored 41 in 59 games, which includes 11 in 15 this season, and he won the Asia Champions League equivalent last season.

18:42So he's doing all right, but I appreciate... So he's got his medals and now he's happy. That's right, that's right. He's completed it. There you go. Yeah. And they're gateway medals to greater medals, perhaps. Yeah. he also knows what it's like to be in a warm country get him in there we go that's a great angle it's another bonus isn't it if anything Eastern the thing gets cold in America in the summer yeah compared to what he's Thomas Tuchel just scouring the A-League being like fucking hell it looks hot in Perth yeah do with a few of them well is that why you're going to the ashes prepare yourself exactly a bit of warm weather training you should say to Miles Lewiskelly look stay in Europe but if you want to get the England team get a move to Sevilla yeah you'll be fine that's it have you thought about Kerala Tuskers there you go So Al-Akli, a hyphenated team.

19:24Very cool. I didn't think as soon as you said that, I thought that's cool. That's why the kids like them. Yeah, exactly. They beat Kawasaki Frontale of Japan in the final in May. Look, joking aside for one second, there is room for a striker. There's room for a striker in that England squad. We talked about it on YouTube, didn't we, Marcus, last week. We said we did it in the context of Danny Welbeck. Danny Welbeck's linking with the England squad in the press is a meritorious claim because of how good a season he's had. The Tuchel's decided not to do that. That's up to him, obviously. That's his job.

20:00But there is a striker-shaped gap in that squad because at the moment it looks like Kane, obviously, a very underperforming, quite underwhelming current iteration of Oli Watkins and probably, as we said, a repurposed Marcus Rashford as the third-choice striker. Because Solanke's had so many injuries and stuff. Solanke's now definitely going to be out to the new year, we're led to believe. So Tony, I'm not surprised that Tony sniffs an opportunity there, but there's a few things in his way. The problem with Tony is clearly that he's capable as a player and a good striker, but he's also capable of making outrageously poor decisions about his own career, whether that be betting offences, moves, or whatever.

20:39And I don't think it's as straightforward as a lot of people think just to go, well, in January, I'll just find a Premier League club. I mean, it's not as easy as that. He's been linked with Spurs. Which is obvious with Thomas Frank there. Yeah, and also because Colin Moane has also broken his jaw, so he's out for a bit of time. So really, they've only just got... I mean, how many forwards have it with Tell? If he can find a move, then great. And then he's got to perform, right? So, I mean, the thing with Tell is as well is that maybe people who see him play more than me would disagree with this.

21:08Mathias Tell isn't really a striker. He's a kind of wide forward slash forward. Like most forward players are these days. Yeah, and so that's a separate point because Spurs are Spurs and they have a lot of injuries and if I was a Spurs fan, I'd be tremendously frustrated by that. But the reality is Spurs, with the Frank fit as well, Marcus, as you rightly say, would be a nice landing spot for him. But it's not as easy as that. You can't just do it like that. You have to make sure that the move can actually happen. The team want him, the money's there, etc, etc. El Ackley would be prepared to let him go, blah, blah, blah.

21:38And then he's got to perform. And let's be honest, Spurs haven't been a consistent performance side this season anyway. So he could come to Spurs. he could make all the logistic stuff happen and still not score goals and then he won't be in there anyway. So I don't think it's as easy as people are talking about. Ahead of the World Cup, we've got a FIFA update on how some of the admin and how it may shape out in North America. Because at this point, it feels so far away because it's not that far away. And when you get little hints of the World Cup, I know... Get a bit excited. Yeah, exactly. You do.

22:10It's almost a bit like when you're a kid and the leaves change and you go, oh, Christmas is not that far away. You know, well, it still is a bit, but you're kind of like, you're feasting on any little crumb you can find. So we've had an update about FIFA and World Cup happenings. They've set their car parking prices for the games. Get that done. Get that squared away. Yeah. For$75 or$175 or there in between, you can park your car. Great. Good to know. Yeah. The great thing is, famously in the US, you probably won't need to avail yourself of that because the public transport is so good. Yes, exactly.

22:41don't worry about it if you've been to the Rose Bowl there's a tube stop right outside there was also I don't know if you guys know of an outlet called 175 we live in London parking is ridiculous here that is nothing no it's mad there's an outlet called The Upshot who do all this kind of stuff yeah don't worry about checking about that much obviously a poor man's ramble but they but they did a really good bit about how FIFA have adjusted the ticket resale situation where they've made it, they've brought it all in-house. Rather than using an approved ticket reseller, they've now made it a FIFA ticket reseller.

23:18And they were going into detail and it is amazing. So basically, if you buy a ticket for a FIFA World Cup game and you can't go for whatever reason, you can resell it through FIFA. And FIFA takes something like 10 % of every transaction. 10%. So you buy a ticket, pay the fee, you have to pay to buy the ticket in the first place, which is a nonsense, resell it, you then pay 10 % of the resale you get to FIFA again and the person buying the ticket from FIFA also pays a fee. It is an absolute, it's the definition of a racket. It's genius. It is genius, you have to say. Mad. Do you have to say? Maybe you don't.

23:54I don't know. Well, something we can look forward to at next year's World Cup is almost certainly seeing Cristiano Ronaldo. I mean, Portugal, they haven't qualified yet. If they beat Ireland tomorrow, they will confirm their plays. But Cristiano Ronaldo will be playing. He's decided that. But he's also decided that it will be his last World Cup, Vish? Yeah, fine. I mean, he's old, so that is part of it. Fine, I won't believe this until the first ball is kicked at the 20-30 one. Yeah, and maybe my reaction is also down to that. Obviously, you know the end's going to come, and he's been one of the best two players in my football-watching life.

24:37But yeah, I mean, it's about time, isn't it? maybe 45 in 2030 yeah I mean it's not a massive revelation that is it more of a confirmation than breaking news I know Cristiano Ronaldo wants to score a thousand goals he wants to do that that's a fair play fair enough he's 47 away apparently for club and country so that's how it's going to be staying with Ronaldo for just a brief moment longer he was speaking about Saudi at a recent tourism forum and he said I am one of them I am a Saudi guy where was he saying that? in Saudi yeah specifically the Saudi tourism forum. Yeah, as the song goes, I'm just a Saudi guy.

25:16Very nice. Yeah, I mean, he's basically fashioned himself as a supervillain. Yeah. He's got to the point now where the press and the media and people like us can essentially mould anything he says into making them sound like a supervillain. But by the same token, he is actually saying these things. I just wish he would go full tilt with this. Like, if he just went all in, like reworking Burt Bacharach's fine piece girl I don't think it's his vibe is it okay this guy's a Saudi guy stop fucking singing okay you have never said that to me ever I always wanted you to get involved there I don't want to get involved okay I want to talk about Cristiano Ronaldo we have his music taste is probably just David Guetta that's it yeah come on he's having a bit of pitbull surely maybe a bit of pitbull I can see him having a bit of pitbull yeah David get at the set he did at the start of COVID yes yeah he saw that and thought that's great stuff that's a bit of me he can help yeah perhaps a bit of Ricky Martin nah I don't see that maybe I don't know too retro for him perhaps maybe well he's 40s he is so he should be at the same kind of cultural touch points as us really yeah true are you into Martin no I don't mind a bit of Ricky Martin he definitely bangs no she did she bangs come on get it right You tell them you can't imagine Cristiano Ronaldo cutting up a dance floor to She Bangs by Ricky Martin.

26:41I don't see it. I definitely can. Tiny little pair of speedos on. Well, okay, I'm on board now. Now, before we go for a much needed break. I feel exhausted. I definitely need one. I feel absolutely knackered. I just want to say that the Under-17 World Cup is well underway. England are... If you were worried. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Again, if you can't wait till next summer. guess where it's being hosted you've got a 50-50 chance have a guess Saudi Qatar it was the other one yeah yeah yeah it was in Qatar you're absolutely right did you see that New Caledonia were they're involved beaten 16-0 by Morocco they're involved kind of yeah I should say though that they were down to 9 men for most of that game so it doesn't look that bad they should have picked 11 then yeah no they got a man set off in the 22nd minute the man set off in the 31st minute Morocco had 81 shots yeah which is an amazing number given that the ball's only in play for 60 minutes-ish.

27:40And then New Caledonia had three shots themselves. So 84 shots in total. It's well over one shot a minute. It is. But England under-17s are there. They are doing okay. They lost to Venezuela in the first round in the group stage. A team who they beat, of course, in the final of, I think it was the under-20 World Cup when Dominic Cavaloon got the winner. Right. Anyway, enough of that. Now, all three of us We'll be back tomorrow to preview England's game against Serbia in the seventh round of World Cup qualifiers. So do not worry. We're with you all the way, everybody. Now, coming up after this, Jose Mourinho leaves his mark at Fenerbahce.

28:28Guide, sorry, live on Sky News. Do you reaction to the win? We lost. Sorry, reaction to the loss, apologies Give a gixi to end this season Reaction to the loss Ah, shit Welcome back to the Football Ramble, everybody Journalist Sophia Moneycoots there, interviewing a Welsh football fan Yeah, very true Gentlemen, a Chinese restaurant in Manchester has named a dish after Erling Haaland after he visited the establishment following Manchester City's 3-0 win over Liverpool He ordered a triple roast meat dish, duck and two kinds of pork Brilliant, sounds great That is so good duck is a very underrated meat I love it is it underrated?

29:05not underrated by me not by me no not by you two but I think just generally you don't see it that much and you bloody should yeah yeah I know what you mean maybe that dish will be now known as the Harland Special at the Happy Seasons a very happy season give them a nice plug yeah well they deserve it don't they I think they do if Erling's going there then everybody should be going there competition for wings though and for those Yeah, definitely competition for wings. Although wings, I think, more Manchester United, though. A new Chinese restaurant's entered the chat. Maybe this could be Man City's wings.

29:38Yeah, it could be. It could be, isn't it? Yeah. And for those people who are thinking they're only doing this story because it's International Week, bollocks. We'd do this every fucking show. Damn right we would. We'd definitely do this for the back of a Highland score and a goal in the Premier League. And here's another story we'd definitely do at any time. Jose Mourinho, of course, left Furnabache, you know, fairly recently before going back to Benfica. He left under a bit of a cloud. He said that it was not up to his level, didn't he? he said if there was one job he kind of regrets it would be Fenerbahce which is great for Spurs fans because before he went to Fenerbahce he was saying the only club he didn't really like was Levy's club yeah yeah so he's changed his tune yeah he now likes Spurs yeah because when he said didn't he when he said well there was one club I regret I thought oh that's a bit harsh yeah Fenerbahce and I thought okay imagine if he said there's one club I fucking would never want to go back to it's Chelsea imagine if he said that but he already went back there he did go back there yeah he did and he was seen there at Stamford Bridge the other night in a very teffid 1-0 loss.

30:28He loves Chelsea and they love him. Of course they do and they should love him. Aferno Bacce though, will they love him? I don't think they will. He didn't quite cut the mustard there but he would argue that the club wasn't up to his level, Turkish football wasn't, he was moaning a lot. He was moaning a lot about some kind of perceived corruption which has then been shown to be the case as well. So it's worth mentioning that. There's been a massive scandal in Turkish football about corruption. I always thought of him as a whistleblower and it's proved to be the case. Maybe a stop clock more than the whistleblower.

30:54It has proven itself to be the case. We should make that clear. In Mourinho's defence, he was saying things like some of these refereeing decisions are absolutely baffling and then what transpired transpired and people can look it up because I can't be bothered to do the legal tiptoeing on this show. Would you fancy him being a pundit on the BBC or ITV? I fancy him being a pundit anywhere at all times. I think he's a very good pundit. Or again, are we still getting starry-eyed and we think, you know, it is better if he's punditing in Portugal, he's over there but we can get the tip bits. Yeah, so we basically filter out all the other shit.

31:23Yeah. No, I'd like him in there. Bang. The charisma's too great to not be there. I think he needs to be there. He could be miserable, though. I want him and Roy Keane together. That'd be lovely. That's something we can all get behind. Well, he's reportedly left Fennabasho with a very large bill for hotel expenses after he left. He was staying at a very fancy hotel. How can he check out? It's almost impossible to check out of a hotel without having to... Laundry basket. Yeah, classic. Down the suit. He was... Straight into the bosphorus. Just a laundry basket going, what's in there? nothing, followed by like 10 suitcases.

31:56John Terry's at the bottom of the speedboat. All right, we're off. Yeah, it was a very luxurious hotel. I've actually been there. The Four Seasons. I've been to the Four Seasons, but I went to a wedding there. It's a beautiful place. Wedding there? Yeah, I didn't stay there. I went to a wedding there, though. Very nice, Luke Moore. But in the circles, you know, was it a Money Coots wedding? It wasn't. It wasn't. But the person who was getting married actually works in the hotel industry, which may have been the clue. And she's Turkish, so that's probably why. There you are, too. It was a beautiful spot, though.

32:23really very nice well if it's good enough for Mourinho I mean I've I have stayed at Lowry in Manchester which is where he left his last big hotel yeah which is a nice hotel yeah and it wonderfully overlooks the Manchester Canal but he stayed there for 15 months Jose Mourinho and it is currently unclear who will foot the £650 ,000 bill yeah I mean that is a lot of money yeah if you bear in mind that like 15 months is roughly like 60 weeks right and it's a £650 ,000 bill. I'm just doing a little quick bit of maths here. Go on, do it. That's a lot of money a week. Yeah. A lot of money. A lot of room service, isn't it?

33:01Yeah, yeah. I was envisaging a lot of room service but in like a Home Alone 2 style situation where he's just ordering the desserts. Yeah. And having one bite of each. Watching angels with dirty faces. Yeah. Angels with filthy souls as it's called. But it's like basically £10 ,000 a week, right? So it's like£1 ,200, £1 ,300 a night. which probably makes sense for that hotel and the suite just get him a house yeah get him a house he doesn't like a house no he wants a hotel I wonder why I wonder why that is I want someone to change a sheet every day yes absolutely I've often said that if I was a multi multi millionaire that would be the one luxury I'd definitely indulge in having like clean fresh sheets every night yeah I think that'd be nice fair enough I've often thought that yeah mine would be fresh raw milk in the morning yeah now we're talking speaking of people having a home did you see all the way in Spain that Lionel Messi went home to the Nou Camp.

33:54He reportedly entered the Nou Camp around midnight on Sunday without contacting anyone at Barcelona Football Club to ask permission. Now he's in Spain for Argentina. They've got a couple of friendlies in this international window. And Messi, as Guillain Balaguer was talking on his Twitter feed, was saying he could have flown directly to Alicante from Miami or he could have gone via Madrid, but he chose to go through Barcelona, which is a slightly, ever so slightly more lengthy and sort of awkward route, but it's not really hugely. But he wanted to go and see the new stadium that's being built, which I think will be ready in like 2027 or something.

34:30There's still a little bit of a way off. And this is quite an interesting story because Messi was there. We saw the photos of him. If you haven't seen them, they're on socials and so on. And he's standing pitch side in the dark, well, as in the lights are on, but it's clearly at night as the reports suggest. and there was like no fanfare, absolutely nothing. It was almost like he snuck in and the club say that Messi went to the stadium and requested permission from Limac's security staff to access the pitch and then Limac then forwarded the inquiry to Barcelona who said, yeah, no problem. In you come, Lionel Messi.

35:03Interestingly though, sources close to Messi and Mr. Guillem-Balaguet are saying, that's bollocks. He never had any chat with Barcelona Football Club. He's gone to Limac, the security team who were looking after the stadium at the moment. And he said, Oi, let us in, kind of thing. And they were like, well, obviously we're going to do that. Because why was, as Balaguer was saying, why was there zero fanfare? If this was Barcelona Football Club, there would be some kind of official photo. Maybe you could make money out of that. Completely. Even just social stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's saying there's absolutely no way that Barcelona Football Club, yeah, yeah, fine, just whenever you want, turn up, they'll let you in, kind of thing.

35:44because Messi is still apparently very hurt by what happened, how he had to leave Barcelona when he never wanted to. And Joan Laporta, who was the one who said, I'll sort it out and so on and so forth and basically buggered it all up. And he's also still president. Exactly. And Messi, he doesn't want anything to do with Laporta or Barcelona while he's there. Although at some point he's thinking him and his family want to relocate. It's quite a flex. Or go back rather to Barcelona and kind of live there and he'll be an ambassador for the club and all that kind of good stuff. flex like it is to do it in this way isn't it i i mean i wanted to hear that he basically broke in that would have been brilliant yeah but as we understand it it was the security if cristiano did this to real madrid would we be slagging him off uh no i don't think we've got our typical arrogant arrogant behavior from cristiano i don't know i think if he was at the odds with the president and snuck in that would be funny to mug off jerez yeah wouldn't it yeah ronaldo would like try and vault the fences wouldn't they yeah and messi would get his um bodyguards like throw him over.

36:44Yeah, he'd get Rodrigo De Paul. Stick him to catapult. Who's the big guy? Yeah, the big guy who's by the touchline. Yeah, the one who runs a long touchline. Yeah, absolutely. There was an amazing bit of footage of Messi playing in MLS the other day where, I don't know if it's been cut kind of unfairly to the MLS player whose name I can't remember which probably tells its own story, but there's a little coming together where this player that was playing against Messi gets up in Messi's face and like tries to kind of, you know, get amongst it like intimidating and I think this will work yeah exactly and then it just the video I saw just cuts to two nutmegs in a row yeah I mean come on from the 64 year old Lionel Messi I know I understand you're full of beans against the 23 year old MLS player or whatever it is yeah thanks for turning our league into a circus mate exactly oh dear now staying with former Barcelona men Neymar currently playing for Santos of course in Brazil the side where he left to go to Barcelona originally.

37:45Now a clip has emerged of him where he's playing for Santos and he's getting a bit fed up, but they keep playing the ball long. And he's thinking, come on, pass out from the back, the Barcelona way, all that kind of stuff. Neymar looks like he's playing as number nine. He's right up there, isn't he? He's on point. And they're about to take a goal kick and he goes chugging all the way back. Bear in mind, he's only got so much running left in him. He goes chugging all the way back to his own goal to say, right, look, this is how you do it. So he takes the goal kick, just pass it, pass it out. Okay, just don't hoof it.

38:18So he passes it to the defender and obviously thinks he's got time to chug all the way back up there in position. And that defender just looks around and just boots it. And then Dave Bell hands on his hips, looks at him, hands on the hips, and it just cuts. It's a proper Kirby enthusiasm cut. It's brilliant. I like this defender turned around and being like, you should have been up there, shouldn't you? Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to hit the number nine. For some reason, you're fucking back here. Oh, super. Yeah. All right, coming up after this, a Ramble listener prepares to take on a raft of former Premier League stars.

38:58Gentlemen, I've got an email here from Alex who says, Hello, Ramblers. I know you guys mentioned Withenshaw FC veterans on the show recently. Well, four games into the season, they've been dominating the Cheshire veterans Premier Division with the likes of Papasise, Stephen Ireland, Emile Heskey and Omar Nias on the team. Next up for the Withenshaw Globetrotters is a trip to West Didsbury and Cholton Vets brackets the team I play for. I'd be so excited at this one. In the Lancashire FA Veterans Cup there's a lot of admin there's a lot of stuff to get your head around here but I'm sure you're with us still.

39:31Now Alex goes on to say with us sitting two divisions below them it's easy to see why many expect that we will be on the receiving end of their most spectacular trouncing yet. That's why I wanted to make an appeal to the Good Ship Ramble to lend your support to us plucky underdogs as we endeavour to claim some kind of victory this Sunday, brackets, even if it is one of the moral variety by restricting Papasisi to just a singular second half-hattrick. So, I mean, I think we've got to. Absolutely. I think all of us here at the Ramble, Alex, wish you all the best. Didbury and Chalton, a lovely part of the world.

40:07Is it? yeah did it bring rules um and look we we hope that a miracle can happen yeah i mean they have been absolutely tearing it up there was a video recently of papi c say looking like he's not even really trying missing a penalty scuffing a corner out uh while laughing uh and then scoring six goals in one half when he feels like well he missed a penalty i'll be worried he missed a penalty but then he did score six goals in second half made up for it you might say i'd like to know what what position alex plays in because if alex is center back and going up against papi c say that That'll be a delicious follow-up email.

40:39Well, imagine that, you've got big Heskey. Yeah. Heskey's basically softening you up and Cissé's scoring the goals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, Alex, do let us know how you get on, but everyone here at the Ramble wishes you all the best. Yeah, I think if it's Heskey scoring the goals, I mean, hope is truly lost because Heskey was never a prolific goal scorer. That's harsh. He wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't, though, was he? Vish, he wasn't a popular goal. You've fallen foul of the England rule. I know. say what you want about Papacito it's like my friend I used to work with he's a big film buff he worked in the movies department at Sky and his big thing was he said he used to invoke this thing called the Bernie Mac rule any comedy movie with Bernie Mac in it can't be bad and it's like Marcus you can't make a point negatively about any players play for England what was Emil Heskey's goal scoring record for England it's not great I'll tell you what it is off the top of my head it's 59 appearances and I think 7 goals and you can look that up I will look that up can someone look that up I really want just one of those numbers to be slightly wrong.

41:37His son scored an absolute fucking worldie for the England age groups the other day. His son's a class, aren't they? The younger one, I think it's Regan, looks fucking brilliant. All I want to suggest though, Luke, you're going on about his England scoring record is you're suggesting that if Emile Heskey gets a goal in the Lancashire FA Veterans Cup, the opposition are a disgrace. Yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. Apparently 62 caps and seven goals. There we go. 62 caps. I'll tell you three off. Yeah, and it kind of helps you. It's actually worse. It's even worse. Thanks for that though Alex, you've got to send a follow-up email next week We need to know what happened And we need to know it from your point of view From the horse's mouth as it were as well Because there'll be a lot of outlets out there That'll be unfair to you if it becomes a big story We'd like to hear it from your side of the fence Absolutely Adrian's also been in touch Hello to you Adrian He says, hi lads, I was a neutral Attending the playoff final in Canada Between Cavalry FC and home team Atletico Ottawa Which I'm sure you've seen because the city was besieged by a blizzard during the game and then we saw the stunning icicle kick that caught the headlines.

42:39Icicle kick. Have you seen the goal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a goal. Great phrase. How has he even seen the ball? Let alone done that. I don't think he has. I think he's just done it. He's like, look, if I run away celebrating, they'll just assume it's gone in. He hit the ball to the back of the net. He placed the ball in the back of the net 10 minutes before. He said the game was wild. Adrian says the game was wild. The TV broadcast couldn't see the game at times due to the falling snow and the referee had to stop the game multiple times. so they could use shovels and snowblowers to clear snow off the touchlines and penalty areas.

43:07There was so much snow that there was an hour delay between the final whistle and the start of extra time so they could bring a truck onto the pitch to plough the snow. Stay warm, lads. Hour? The game was a barn burner. It was filled with slips, slides, missed kicks, weird bounces, and it was capital letters, cold. I looked it up, actually. I think it was minus six at the time the game was being played. I mean, the game shouldn't have been played. It says a lot about my age. There's no justification. for playing that game. It says a lot about my age that when I read this, I thought, what a nightmare to get home.

43:39Oh, mate. Because the, I mean, I appreciate... $135 a parking space. I appreciate, you know, countries like Canada are better equipped for dealing with that kind of weather, but still. I mean, in New England, which I've spent a lot of time in, it is honestly incredible how good they are at dealing with the snow. Yeah. So I've been there before where you're in the house watching a movie or something, you notice it's absolutely tipping it down with snow outside and by the time you go to bed there are like six foot drifts up against the house and stuff when you get up in the morning to drive somewhere the roads are perfectly clear I mean it's unthinkable in this country unthinkable they're so good at it I think it's a network of like volunteer slash night working plowers that just get it all done and the only thing you've got to do is your own driveway yeah but that's because I mean when you say it's unthinkable in this country because that hardly ever happens sure absolutely I'm not saying I'm just defending our own up don't have a go at the country how long have you been here I'm sorry about that I mean to be fair Calgary to Ottawa is roughly a 34 hour drive the away fans aren't going to be that prevalent is that what you're saying you still have to go home as a fan don't you it's a long trip no but even the home team even the home team he was there as a neutral Adrian I'm glad it went ahead but it was I just invite all of our listeners to look on it and think, do you have any sympathy with the view that that game might have been called off?

45:04I love the photo of Adrian. He's included the selfie in the email and he's got his hood up and it's full of snow, his hood. Yes. Absolutely full. Everywhere in that photo is snow. But I guess there's a problem maybe with that part of the world and I don't know, but possibly the problem is if you call it off and when are you going to play it? It's snow all the time. Get on with it. Yeah, in the summer. But then the World Cup's on. You've got to wait. The final's in six months. See you then. Oh dear. Thank you very much for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creator Network. Friends of the Ramble, don't go anywhere.

45:33Keep listening for Ramble Uncut. And if you're not a friend of the Ramble, head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to sign up now. Thank you very much, Luke. Thank you. Thank you, Vish. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. See you soon.

45:56While I should have been listening to the stuff you were saying, I was actually looking up Cristiano Ronaldo and Ricky Martin she did a Google search and apparently Cristiano Ronaldo absolutely loves him confirmed especially the hit song Live in La Vida Loca according to olympics.com and his early days in Madrid he had a playful jibe with Manchester based Oasis your friends Marcus claiming they were quote no Ricky Martin if anything is going to make you team Messi there's got to be that I mean he is right they are no Ricky Martin I don't know why I made the connection between Ronaldo and Ricky Martin but it seems to be entirely accurate how well you know them they both wear little shorts maybe both look great with their tops off true the football ramble is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network