Jack's Encyclopaedia: Levy's signings, Brazilians, and Premier League oldies

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3:46A what? An encyclopedia of football. I don't know what that means.

3:52Vish: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's the return of Jack's Encyclopedia. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I'm Vodushina Hunter-Raja.

4:16Vish: Hello everybody, it's that time on a Friday where we put our brains to the test. But of course the man who is officiating the game is Pete Donaldson. Pete Donaldson, over to you big boy. I am, yes. Are you excited about Jack's Encyclopedia? I am, I've been enjoying my biddy aunt. Yes, okay. But of course we all love Jack's Encyclopedia as well, so I've missed it. And now it's here, I wish I wasn't. It's a round-roaming game of simple game of categories, it's as simple as that. If you go too slow you're going to be hearing Gary Neville's Orgasm, which will leave you seven seconds to respond. I'm going to start round number one with you, Marcus Speller.

4:51All right? We're going in a clockwise direction from where I'm sitting. It doesn't really matter to the listener. But the viewer, we're on YouTube, maybe. Yeah, exactly. But they don't know where the actual cameras are pointed. So there we go. Yes, I'm going to kick off with you, Marcus. The 15 most expensive players purchased by Tottenham Hotspur under Daniel Levy's tenure as listed on Transfermarkt. Blimey, O 'Reilly. Dominic Solanke

5:20Dominic Solanke Dominic Solanke Dominic Solanke is in there well done Tanguy Ndombele Tanguy Ndombele Punchy okay not an easy one

5:37Vish: Javi Siemens Mohamed Kudus he was expensive there you go you're doing well lads Mickey Lander then he's in there that was one of my guesses think of another one quick Christian Romero

5:59correct

6:04Richarlison nice nice I like it and it's true it is true

6:09Vish: glad you're liking matched up with the with the reality rarely does if you got for us Vish Hugo Lloris oh yeah I like it not on the list though not on the list though Vish is out now it's Jim Yves Bissouma ooh nicely done nicely done terribly done oh terribly done terribly done early point to me yeah early point to Marcus Speller because you started the whole thing you could have had Archie Gray you could have had Brennan Johnson you could have had Davison Sanchez LaSelso James Madison the man of the dart Matthias Tell you could have had Sissoko Porro as well Pedro Porro as well I thought you did really well lads to be honest yeah Sissoko was another one I was like who's that it's just their current squad that's the way with modern football isn't it I wrote down Van de Vaart and then scribbed it out and I thought there's no way sure I thought Lloris surely that's what I thought I remember him being a bit oh okay All right, well, round number two, we're going to kick things off with you, Vish, in your lovely maroon jumper, oxblood jumper.

7:18Every Brazilian player to make a Premier League appearance this season. Every Brazilian footballer to make a Premier League appearance this season. According to Translator, Marks. Richarlison.

7:35Utility player in this game. Jim? Gabriel Martinelli. Gabriel Martinelli yes well I'll go for Casemiro you can have Casemiro Gabriel yeah

7:53Esteval Chelsea

7:56Vish: yeah correct Mateus Cunha Mateus Cunha is in there he's not suddenly become Portuguese does Cerveza Evan Nielsen Evan Nielsen well played looks like Timothy Oliphant he said stalling

8:20Vish: Savinho oh has he played we'll see oh Savinho you loser get in the squad get in the squad you idiot Alison yes correct Mario yes Yes, he's in that. Quite a few names left. I'm sure there is. Is he Brazilian? Matias Nunes? Oh, he's Portuguese, isn't he? Is he even Brazilian? Yeah, I think he's Portuguese. Is he even Brazilian? Oh, yeah, because Nunes, he's... Yeah, he's born in Brazil, but he actually plays for Portugal. He plays for Portugal, yeah. So, he's interesting. That's a French case. I would have given you a little half-point for that if I was in charge. Well, yeah, I would have been wrong with Deco as well.

9:11Had he appeared this season. Go on, who did I miss? You missed out on... So, Fish takes the round. Congratulations, Fish. You could have had Andre. You could have had Andre Santos. You could have had Bruno Guimaraes. Forget the Newcastle Wolves. Joel Linton as well. Joel Linton's got onto the field. Igor Jesus. Lucas Perry. Igor Tiago. You could have had... Lucas Pacquitar. João Gomez. Pacquitar. And João Pedro. Oh, yes. And Rodrigo Muniz. alright then next round Jim resplendent in a beautiful is that a Percival football ramble joint shirt you've got on

9:44Vish: no it's just a Percival one it's got a Koi Karp on it how does that relate to us I thought it might have been a Ramble reference talking about my love of Koi Karp again unbelievable yes Jim you feel confident about getting some points on the bloody board or are you just going to languish in this you're just going to stink up this goddamn league I'm quite comfortable where I'm languishing but I'd rather a point so let's see how There's much use as a coy fucking carp in this round. Right, round number three. Jim, we're going to start with you. Every player... That's too much. That's too hard. We'll be here for days.

10:17Ah, no! Every player in England's 2010 World Cup squad. Every player in England's 2010 World Cup squad.

10:28Vish: Naughty. Very naughty. I'm going to go for Joe Hart. He's in there. he played Jim that was quite a bold shout he played and all fair enough I'll go for I'll go for Rob Green then oh that's one for the heads yeah one for the fingers Frank Lampard fair yeah Stephen Gerrard

10:57Vish: Glenn Johnson that's a weird one to go for because do you know what I'm genuinely struggling for the obvious ones Gareth Barry there he is yes yes Wayne Rooney was he injured yes Emile Heskey oh Emile Matthew Upson lovely nice you're all weirdos and I hate you Joe Cole Joe Cole was in there yes Jermaine Defoe lovely lovely

11:32It's Torres to give Chelsea a place in the Champions League final. The headline has been written. Ashley Cole? Oh, just in there. Good work, Vish. John Terry? Yeah. JT. Yep.

11:52Vish: James Milner. Oh.

11:59Ledley King? No, that's a no face from Pete. It's a yes face from me. Oh, shit. I was just thinking about how good Ledley King was as a footballer. Oh, snap. I wish we saw him more in English, that. Jim?

12:11Vish: Oh, yes. I've written down some initials and I've forgotten who they relate to. Oh, no. It's annoying. Shocker. It doesn't seem quite right. Let's have a look at the initials. No, come on. Yeah, right. What the hell? Or was it carping on? I think he might be injured, but Rio Ferdinand? Oh, unlucky, Jamie. You're out with this one. Let me down again. You went deep, though, and I appreciate it. Yeah, because they had to call back Jamie Carragher. Correct. I'm not confident from here on it. Fish.

12:48It's Torres to give Chelsea a place. in the Champions League final.

12:54Vish: Stuart Downing? He might well have been. They were my initials. I thought Stuart Donaldson you were going for. Weldon Marcus. It's 2-1. Nobody said David James, did they? No, they didn't say David James. They said Aaron Lennon was in there. Oh, I was thinking wingers, yeah. Sean Wright Phillips? Yes, he was in there. Stephen Warnock, Peter Crouch, Michael Dawson and Michael Carrick as well. A lot of centre-backs in there, aren't they? When you get Carrick, I remember I got recalled. Yeah. Or, yeah, because he'd retired and he brought him out of retirement. David Jem seems like a weird one for some reason.

13:26He played for ages, didn't he? Green started the first game,

13:29Vish: made the error and then James got the call. Which is why when you went for Joe Hart, I thought, I'm pretty sure he was third choice, but going for third choice keeper straight out of the traps to him. That wasn't how I was framing it in my mind. The famous thing about that World Cup, and I've actually spoken to Rob Green about this, is he only found out he was first choice at the World Cup. Oh, wow. Nice, okay. So maybe emotionally he didn't feel like he earned it. Yeah, but then when he was dropped, he realised he wasn't first choice anymore. Good. All right. Well, you give it one and you take it with the other.

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14:47Dynamic by design, uncompromising in execution, the Range Rover Sport was engineered for those rare individuals who demand the world and possess the conviction to claim it. When your time to lead arrives, you need a vehicle that rises to meet it. The Range Rover Sport. Exclusive offers available now. Explore further at rangerover.com. Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower. But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of Liquid IV in our studio.

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16:17let's have a round starting with Marcus Bella oh yeah round number four it's a chunky one Thomas Tuchel's first eleven and bench when the Chelsea team beat Manchester City in the Champions League final Thomas Tuchel's first eleven and bench when Chelsea beat Manchester City in the Champions League final I love this game because a lot of these rounds I'm like I wouldn't be able to name a single player because my mind's gone absolutely blank. So good on you, lads. Rob McGill.

16:48Vish: Well, surely Kark Havett started the game. Even if he didn't, he was involved. Yes, he was. He was, Marcus. Well done. Mason Mount. Mason Mount is in there. Timo Werner. Timo Werner. Yep. Thiago Silva. Thiago Silva. Yep. Don't do that to me. You whispered it. What are you just thinking? Who else plays for Chelsea? It's Torres to give Chelsea a place. I don't know if my mind's going completely back. D 'Orginho? Surely. Yeah. Well done, Bish. Cesar Azpilicueta?

17:34Vish: Ben Chilwell. You didn't know. Bish. I've just forgotten all Chelsea players their turnover's so high it's quite hard

17:50Pedro?

17:55No

17:56Vish: you know what I thought to myself I'm 50-50 on that you're probably going to go hey he left the club three years ago he may well still be there he's on lawn at Lille he was in the stands Jim? Rhys James? Might have been injured.

18:17Vish: Benjamin Mendy would have been the goalkeeper. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. You realise what you've done there, haven't you? Do you realise what you've done there? I do realise what I've done. I've totally bollocked that because I've added other ones. Have I won that round then? No, you need to go. You need to get this one. Eduard Mendy. so tell me N 'Golo Kante was there Antonio Rudiger forgot his first name Christensen came on for Andreas Christensen you could have had Christian you could have had Rudiger you could have had Billy Gilmore Callum Hudson-Odoi Christian Pulisic you could have had Emerson Palmieri Hakim Ziyech you could have had Arisabla Arisabla Kepa Kepa Kurt Zouma you could have had Kurt Zouma Marcus Alonso N 'Golo Kante Matteo Kovacic you could have had Hanson Olivia Giroud and also Willy Caballero can't believe I've just totally bogged that up totally bugger that up but Jim's got the point well done Jim off the mark in the most shit he'll win you get over the line somehow or another I'm amazed you allowed it alright round number five you looked straight into my eyes there go on yeah they were quite dreamy kick us off with round number five the top 20 oldest players to play in this season's Premier League oof James Milner yeah he's the oldest by two years nine months and he did Casemiro yep he don't look it though do he he don't look it I hate these agey ones

19:56come on it's Torres to give Chelsea a place in the Champions League final the headline has been written

20:05Vish: Seamus Coleman He won't have made an appearance. He's made an appearance! Bloody hell! Wow, out of fire. Well done. Yeah. Ooh, Martin Dubravka. He is bloody ancient, Martin. Very good. But he's a good goalkeeper. He's in there. He's in there. Not on the grid. He's in there. Okay. Jim. Old fellas. Who looks creaky? Who looks like they remember Starman Norman and the golf ball? Fucking hell.

20:36It's Torres To give Chelsea A place In the Champions League

20:40Vish: Captain fucking Tom

20:45No The deceased Captain Tom Love that Captain fucking Tom Died After an ill-fitted Barbados Jamaica Love that you know that I think it's Jamaica I actually got it wrong No no you got it right Barbados

20:59Vish: You know it's yeah Surely Met Ross Abbott out there. Marcus. Surely Jordan Henderson. Jordan Henderson. Of course. Yes, the much maligned midfielder Jordan Henderson was in there. Vish, who have you got for us?

21:14Granit Xhaka. Oh. Probably not old enough. It's a nice thought, but it's a wrong thought. It's a wrong thought. So you need to get one. Marcus, you need to get one.

21:29Old players. For the game. For the game, Marcus Beller.

21:33Vish: For the game. For the game. Harry Maguire. Let's win it with Harry Maguire. Let's have a chance. No, it's not right, is it? All right, you're both back in. Let's do this. Vish, you got something for us? Danny Welbeck. Oh, lovely. I love to hear the name. And I love that you've got yourself a little point. Got himself a point.

21:59Vish: I will... It's Torres to give Chelsea a place in the Champions League final. The headline has been written. Michael Keane.

22:14Vish: There it is. All right, so we're through the tiebreaker. It's pretty exciting, isn't it? So who did we miss out there? The top 20 oldest players to play in the season's Premier League. You had your Casemiro's and your Danny Welbeck's of this world, of this world. You could have had Adam Smith. You could have had Chris Wood, of course. Fabian Scher is ancient but sexy considered Scher you could have had Michael Bizzle you could have had Matt Doherty you could have had Nathaniel Klein Joel Veltman Trips the Tripsman Kieran Trippier Kyle Walker Lewis Dunks Kyle Walker Raul Jimenez Tom Kearney Raul Jimenez do you know what I thought about Kearney I did think about Kearney yeah Liverpool fans forget that he let in two goals against Crystal Palace in the Commuter Shield Virgil van Dijk I had van Dijk written down as well of course yeah and I thought it was only 33 34 Matt Sells misses out because he's just two days younger than Casemiro and Callum Wilson is just one day younger than Sells so they're the ones knocking on the old door they'll be in next week I imagine so we're going to a tiebreaker we're going to a tiebreaker for the first one of the season I get to have a little rest you get to have a little rest just enjoy watching voyeuristically at the, you know, this is the pinnacle of the tournament, really, isn't it?

23:33I think so. It's the pinnacle of the game, I think. I mean, I won the title last year. Quite controversial circumstances. It's quite hard to retain, though, isn't it? After you've won the tournament. All right, the 20 players with the most appearances. We're going to start with you, Marcus. The 20 players with the most appearances under Eric Ten Hag at Manchester United. The 20 players with the most appearances under Eric Ten Hag at Manchester United. Favors the Man United fan.

23:56Vish: But look, We're all in this mess together. Surely Bruno Fernandes. Don't be like that.

24:07Vish: Andre Inanna. Casemiro. Fish. Mine's completely blank. Oh, I don't know. Diogo Dalo. Yeah. I think it's harder sometimes when you know the club. It isn't. I'll go for... This is annoying. It doesn't guarantee a good player, does it? No. I'll go for Martinez. Alessandro Martinez is in there. Alejandro Garnaccio. Yep. Marcus Rashford. Oh, it's heating up. It is heating up. time out the team and all that business yeah well I think Martinez with the injury I was wondering about that um

25:11it's Torres to give Chelsea a place in the Champions League final the headline has been written Kobe Maynou

25:24no it didn't sound right Give us one Marcus

25:28Vish: I haven't got much But I've got to go for it You've got to go for it Scott McTominay Mamma Mia To win with McTominay You had Harry Maguire as well I know That you could have called upon Well Maguire had those too But I wasn't Because Maguire was out the team a lot Aaron Wan-Bissaka You could have had You could have had Anthony Martial You could have had Anthony You could have had Christian Eriksen David De Gea guys David De Gea Fred, Harry Maguire Jim Sancho Luke Shaw Raphael Varane Rosmus Hoiland and Victor Lindelof wow see again Luke Shaw goes through your mind and go no there's absolutely no way and Maguire's thinking he's on the bet and he goes to top 20 and then suddenly Ruben Amarim gets in your head I didn't say Anthony because he was shit and as Jim pointed out that doesn't preclude anyone from playing surely Fred played for Man United a decade ago how is Fred in there?

26:22Vish: I was surprised he didn't go for Fred because for me I thought McTominay surely actually we're all joking aside and I said that I thought I could have gone for Fred but that was the banker but there we are yeah I just in my head he's not but it does think for you in the previous one I thought Tom Kearney surely he's on for a decade at Fulham Brazilian ones didn't go for Rodrigo Meniz this game makes your brain freeze but in the end Jim I didn't need to no you did win no just about got over the line well done everybody and well done to me thanks for listening to the football ramble part of the ACARS creator network we're all back on Monday what a post weekend treat well we're going to react with all Peter yeah all of it I'm going to pre-act right now yeah I think it's going to be underwhelming think of the stuff we are going to be reacting to on Monday oh what's going to happen over the weekend it's going to be great there we are right lots of love you should already be enjoying the weekend by now so carry on with that and come on England

27:28Go Digglin!

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29:27But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of Liquid IV in our studio. One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. Whether you're traveling, exercising, or podcasting the best business news ever, liquid IV makes it easy to stay hydrated wherever life takes you. So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you.