Luke's Game: Judas Footballers

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2:21When your time to lead arrives, you need a vehicle that rises to meet it. The Range Rover Sport. Exclusive offers available now. Explore further at RangeRover.com. Hi, this is Kim and Penn Holderness from the Laugh Lines Podcast. This episode is sponsored by Oli, your wellness partner for back to school and beyond. Back to school season is here. Packed backpacks, packed lunches, and packed schedules are officially back. Ollie Kids Sleep helps little dreamers wind down with a gentle blend of melatonin, L-theanine, and botanicals for restful sleep. Translation, an easy way to put those school night negotiations to bed.

2:57And for the grown-ups, Ollie Sleep helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up feeling refreshed. Because as you know, the morning mayhem comes early. Visit Ollie.com and stock up on back-to-school must-haves today. That's O-L-L-Y.com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's Luke's Game. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Andy Russell. And I'm Pete Donaldson, the referee.

3:47That's it, everybody. We're back with Luke's game, but he's not here. Pete, you're reffing, and I'm taking on Andy Brassel. I'm very disappointed you're not wearing a black and white stripy shirt. I mean, it's not as if you've not got any of them, is it? No, it's a good point, actually. I very much enjoyed... You know that lass who reviews basketball teams' sexiness? Have you seen she's got a laptop, and she basically goes through all the basketball teams, and she started in soccer teams as well. she finally did the Newcastle United side where she goes to the squad she goes ugly, fit, fit ugly, ugly and she obviously a big fan of Fabian of Cher of him and not a big fan of some of the absolute ugly guys who got on the side but she did start the video by saying why are they all dressed like referees which is not something you really sort of think about I suppose I don't think people should be objectifying people I think they should yeah especially when they're fit like foe and share why don't you have a go in the studio then go on then go on and you objectify Andy and I now alright Andy you've got lovely wrists I'm a big fan of men's wrists and I could get lost in that furry chest of yours Marcus I think what we've worked out you'd need my consent well yeah obviously that goes without saying what we've worked out here is that people with greying temples get lusted over exactly that's what we've worked out that is what it is right everybody thank you so much to everyone on the Football Animal Patreon who has submitted their suggestions for a new name for Luke's game everyone on the Patreon is fit if you want to if you want to check out some of those patrons then the football round will only fans is if you want to check out some of our favourites you can find them on our Instagram thus far that's a good point good point it's a good Instagram page right over to you then first traps over you to then referee Peter just me doing first trap picks yes if you don't know the rules don't worry they are super simple each round I'm going to be naming a footballer and each of you will offer me a bid for how many clubs they've played for that you can name.

5:44Players can either keep increasing the bids or call out their opponent and get them to name their clubs. The footballer in question must have played a competitive game for that club for it to count. And we'll have double-checked the stats. Definitely. By the time it gets to the edit. And of course, if you fail to name the number of clubs you bid for, your opponent will get the point. We're going to be playing the best of five rounds. So let's get on with the game. Today's game, subject title is Judas's. Lovely, lovely. Judas I. Judai. Judai. Judai. Yes, all of these players have betrayed a former club and signed for their fiercest rivals.

6:25Enjoyable. This is good. Yeah, it's a good one. I like it. We're going to kick things off with a man who's had seven clubs in total, gentlemen. Carlos Alberto Tevez. Carlos. Tevez oh god start with you Marcus if that's alright with you you are going to start with me aren't you oh you seven seven clubs seven clubs in total bloody Nora the dummy sucking maniac um oh Andy Bressel what have you got for me Marcus what have you got for me

7:10oh this is annoying six oh my bid is six your bid is six and his eyes have lit up can you do really six of seven Andy I'm gonna have to go for the seven oh because I think I think you can do it and I'm annoyed I'm annoyed at myself I'm yeah I'm not sure on the same one that you're not sure on. Right. I think. Okay. Right, okay. Well, he said, I'll tell you what, it's a bold bid for him, Andy. It's a bold bid. Go for it. Go for it. I'm annoyed. Ah, damn it all. Could you have done seven? I'm confident with six and I'm annoyed and I think the seventh one is guessable. Yeah, it is. I agree. Okey dokey.

7:54All right then. Let's have a little bit of anti-action. Corinthians. Corinthians. 2005, 2006. Can we have a ding? You can have a ding, yeah. Bocca. Three spells. Manchester United. One spell, two years. Manchester City. 2019-13. West Ham. Mm-hmm. Juventus. Mm-hmm. All right, so there's the six. There's the six. I'm going to go for Shanghai Shenua. Correct. Well done, Andy. Would you have gone for Shanghai Shenua, Marcus, in your deepest, darkest recesses of your Chinese Super League mind? We'll never know. Well played though, Andy. Yeah, well done. A bold start. He doesn't have a good reputation, Andy, with the old games.

8:43Well, no, he does on this. I think people have forgotten that. Andy was actually good at Luke's game. It's Jackson Cyclopédie where he was an absolute disgrace. I would say brought the game in to disrepute, Marcus. That's how I would say it. That's how I would go. I was very much Newcastle United in cup competitions under Mike Ashley. You were. But Andy, you're feeling good. You remember Luke's game, obviously. You've got an impressive point there. He doesn't have the squad for it. You must be feeling good. I always said you're a man for pre-season. I always feel good when I'm talking about the Chinese Super League.

9:13Favourite memories of Carlos Debbett? Anyone? What about that great solo goal he scored for Juventus? Nothing to do with Juventus. Golfing at Norwich. Oh, right. Do you remember when he came back into the Man City team at Norwich and he'd been off playing golf in Argentina? Right. So he celebrated with the golf swing. Balesque. Very enjoyable. Argentinian Craig Bellamy. Lovely. All right, then. Round number two. We're going to take your nomination first, Andy. He doesn't have a middle name, so I feel closer to him than ever because I don't have one now. Nico Crankyar. Crankyar. Bloody hell. Andy's going to win this point.

9:52I don't know whether I am. Should do. How many did you say? How many clubs? I didn't actually say it. It's eight. Eight clubs. Apologies. That's a lot, man. Cheers.

10:09Right, I've got five. I like it. It's a strong opening gambit. Marcus is smiling, possibly passing wind. I can't tell. Oh, Andy Brasso. Why did you? See, when you smile, I'm like, do-do play for Follum.

10:30Oh, dear. See, Andy, I forgot. he's like I'm trying to think of a tennis player who's particularly good on clay but not good on grass and we're on clay today Are you saying I'm the Rafa Nadal of Ramble Games? Rafa Nadal gave a good account of himself on grass Andy Eventually Right Eventually Yeah He's a right no-hoper until He had good wrists It's annoying because I think I can't do I'd like him to name his five Go on It's all about going big or going home Go big or go home He's only got one. Andy's only got one. I'm sure of four. But to guess two, I'm not comfortable. Okie dokie. This might bring Andy into a lead.

11:11Yeah. What was even more of a lead? Portsmouth, as they call them in France. I'm sorry. Does anybody know the name of a football club called Portsmouth? Right. Oh, very lenient refereeing. He's having it. You've had your one. Rangers. 2016 and 2018, correct? I'd like the full name, please. QPR. The Rangers. QPR. Yes, on loan, 2013 to 15. Tottenham. Tottenham. Inamo Zagreb. Correct, 2001 to 2005. A chunky tenure in that squad. Who else did he play for? Have you got any that you might want to speculate? I had a question mark around West Ham, but I don't think actually. Right, okay. No more, okay.

11:55You could have had Dynamo Keeve, and you could have had Hadjik Split. Yeah. and the revivalist New York Cosmos in 2016. No way. Blimey. How about that? Pelé and Crenshaw. Right, I'm up against it here. I'm 2-0 down. I mean, to explain that he was an absolute turncourt, obviously he played for Dinamo and Split, known as the Eternal Derby, when he made the switch, ultras lit 200 blue candles in a D outside his home next to a banner which read, to us, you are already dead. it's strong stuff maybe they just didn't have forums back then I don't know imagine if they did it outside the wrong house I just collect the bidons oh dear right I do have problems with my bin they never tick the garden waste I've really well hidden they always find me out they see a little trickle of soil and they go you have tried to get one over on us Peter and that generous tip at Christmas will not fly.

13:00It's not a bribe, it is a tip. I think that your reputation precedes you. And you thought you were all grand when the council put that blue plaque up saying Pete Donaldson currently lives here. Yeah. Well, with the bin men, it's... No, exactly. I'm just trying to get rid of the soil that I'm digging in that big tunnel. Has anyone else thought of, like, tip-exing their name on a Frisbee and putting it on the side of their house? Yes, let's do that. I haven't until now. Well, we're having a studio move pretty soon. maybe you should do that yeah football ramble used to be recorded here anyway right round number three Marcus you need to pick us up I really do you need to pick up the pace come on be bold be beautiful yes be Marcus Speller 11 clubs in total but I think if it's more than 8 or 9 it's a bit like one of those players but I think being an England player Peter James Crouch you might be okay you might be okay with that one Peter Crouch okay a long man

13:59he's a turncourt for reasons I'll go into after I'll just realise if I start saying why he's a turncourt yeah yeah don't do that not good at this

14:17good list solid list of teams mm-hmm

14:25he's still writing he's got a few he's got a few so how many 11 clubs 11 clubs 11's a lot it is a lot come on I'm missing something that's more than I'd have thought yeah there's obviously a few loans in there that I'm not remembering almost certainly yeah almost certainly there are a few loans in there yes have you got spells have you got spells come on buddy come on buddy step up to the plate hit the ball I'll go for eight swing for the fences alright I'll let him go for that ok right you're sorting that out nice and quickly I'm surprised were you not that confident with Crouch too many loans and stuff in there yeah I think so there's obviously one or two that I've definitely forgotten ok alright alright Spelzy so the reason why he's a traitor I think it's because of Southampton correct and Portsmouth correct he obviously played for Spurs

15:24and Liverpool who can forget Stoke QPR

15:36Burnley 2019 correct and this is the one I'm pretty sure he played for Aston Villa he did indeed still in the game he did indeed very good I think Did he play for Norwich as well? He did play for Norwich. One of his loan moves, 2003. Norwich had a question mark. Okay, what else have we got? We've got two that you haven't got. I mean, this is just for fun, obviously. But one hipster club and one foreign club. Is the foreign club in India? No. It's not, no. I think it's Scandinavia or Belgium. Okay. Who've we got? IFK Hasselholm. Okay. Never remember. And Dulwich Hamlet. oh Dullage Hamlet okay in the year 2000 okay he sounds like one of those players who would probably have played for some kind of Sky Sports tie-in club for a documentary and that goes on his record for some bloody reason he would have looked good in the purple wouldn't he he would indeed if you'd have got nine and got Norwich as well I'd have been ah because Dullage Hamlet and the other club I don't think I think we can be forgiven for not getting them this episode of the Football Ramble is sponsored by Square is the system that powers half the places I go.

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17:49Hi, pod fans. Max Rushton here from the chart-topping Guardian Football Weekly Podcast. Don't like to crow. If you enjoyed the World Cup with us, you'll be glad to know we're back for the new Premier League season. Expect three episodes a week, questionable predictions, and the biggest stories in soccer from the Premier League to the Champions League and beyond. Watch now on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's back to school time, which means many of us are going to be busier than ever. But from getting at the door in the morning to enjoying delicious meals together at the end of the day, Whole Foods Market can help with convenient options and delivery.

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19:32Right, this is not that many clubs. Probably, if anything was right with the world, you should have played for more than seven clubs. but or certainly played for longer Ronaldo Luis Nazario de Lima Ronaldo he's going to get all of these it's fair to say this one's probably more up Andy Strasa but you did get your England players Marcus to get yourself back in the game 2-1 Andy as you go to the fourth round

20:04how many did you say? 7

20:11Right, I'm going to make an opening bid of seven. Dick.

20:18It's bold. It's strong. It's punchy. Because I've got all seven. So you've got all seven as well. I did well to make an opening bid of seven. Yeah, exactly. So if he'd said six, if he'd have hedged his bets, he would have been... I'm saying you're a dick because you're obviously going to win the game now. Well, it's not obvious before I've done it, is it? Andy. Andy. Andy, if I know all seven here, and I'm very confident with all seven, then you've obviously got seven. May Andy. Andy. Do the right thing. Put you to the fucking salon, Marcus Beller. Do the right thing. PSV. PSV, 94 to 96. Milan.

20:54Get on your knees, Marcus. Enjoy it. I'm already there. Inter. Inter. Barcelona. Barcelona. Real Madrid. Flamengo. Oh, Andy Brasso. Andy, Andy, Andy. Oh, Andy Brasso. Oh. Oh. I know what I've done. I think you've made Cruzeiro and was it Corinthians the other one? Yeah, I had Cruzeiro down. I put Flamengo instead of Corinthians. Oh, yes. Cruzeiro, Corinthians, yeah. Oh, dear. Oh, my goodness. Oh, I've gone gassy. Oh, God. Oh, no. Yeah, as well as playing for both Milan clubs and then Real Madrid and Barcelona and Ronaldo also trained with his boyhood club Flamengo for four months as he recovered from injury but then accepted an offensive line for the rivals.

21:45Oh dear, oh dear. Turncourt. Wow. In many ways, Andy's brain has turned on him on the hottest day of the year. And I'd like to say that I think we can all agree no matter what happens this last round, I'm the winner. All right. Marcus? Yeah. Don't be nasty to me. Just grab this opportunity with both hands. Last time we did this I didn't do it. Last chopper out of Hanoi baby let's get on the fucking go stick on the stick on the Rolling Stones and get over here come on. There you talk. Right. Round number five. Yeah. Nine clubs Marcus Speller. A modern marvel. Zlatan Ibrahim Ibrahimovic. Okay. Ibrahimovic.

22:28Blimey. Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Ah Ibrahimovic. Okay. Hmm. how many nine right nine clubs come on come on who gets the bid is it me or him Marcus kicks off first with this one right okay yeah oh this is a nine I'm gonna let Andy in oh I like this so right we've got nine clubs up for grabs Marcus what are you going for

23:02I can't believe I'm gonna have a drop the ball here we can shorten these silences in the edit. Can you do some heavy breathing? Is it your responsibility? We need a drone. Isn't it? We need a drone. I'm going to get a drone. How many have you got, Andy? A three. Shut up. I know Andy's got all nine. Perfect. I can't believe I'm going to diss Carlos Tevez all over again here.

23:31Bastards. I know he's got all nine. That's the frustrating thing. You don't know that. I know you've got one. No one can know that.

23:43Go on then. Eight. Nine. Yeah, I knew you. I can't believe it. To be fair, I mean, if you had your head on, you'd have won the game. Yeah, get your dinging button ready. Come on. Here we go then. All right. That's poor of me, that is. Right, we ready? Yeah. Malmo? Correct. Ajax Ajax 2001-2004 Doing them in order as well Inter Oh okay 2006-2009 Juventus Yep The one they had before that 2004-2006 LA Galaxy LA Galaxy 2018-19 Paris Saint-Germain The glory years Yeah 2012-2016 Milan Twice yeah 2010-2012 And 22-23 Barcelona Barcelona Three years there Man United Andy Brassel wins well played what was the one you didn't have fucking Barcelona I forgot I know mate yeah get on ya well fair play Andy you flamingoed that yeah I had them all down apart from bloody Barcelona how could I have forgot that well I think he's done his best to forget it well Andy you've wiped the smile the smirk of my face well played sir well played indeed thank you very much for listening to Luke's Game another one that went all the way I had it in my grasp I threw it away but Andy Brassel wins good to see you back on winning ways Andy because you know at Jackson Cyclopédia it's not been great for you let's be honest but now look at you this is my Turkish Super League he's been dapping excellent stuff there we are everybody thank you very much for listening it's been a pleasure the weekend is well underway get out there have tons of fun and we'll see you on Monday get yourself a strawberry mivvy

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