Mailbag: Are Man United on the verge?

0:00Hello everybody, welcome to the Football Ramble Mailbag. Manchester United, a new manager bounce and Frankenstein's monster are the orders of the day. It's Tuesday, 28th of October. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm Pete Donaldson.

0:24Hello, everybody. Good to have you with us on this terrific Tuesday at the Football Ramble. Now, remember, you're in the driving seat with this show. We are just mere passengers at your mercy. We want your questions, so get in touch on xbluesky or Instagram at footballramble. Comment on YouTube or email us at footballramble.com. And, of course, friends of the Ramble get priority on the Discord. Plenty of ways to get involved, and you help make and shape this show. If your question is too crap, we won't ask it, of course. But a lot of you get in touch. We appreciate that greatly. And a lot of you get questions on the show because, Peter, they do provide us with some wonderful questions that make our brains go into different places than perhaps we've previously thought.

1:07Yeah, they tickle our brains. They're like a little bit of brain surgery every Monday, Tuesday. Every now and then something gets left in there. Yeah, a little forcep would be left in there. A few croissant crumbs in the cracks. Croissant crumbs in the cracks? In the brain cracks? Of the cranium, the cranium cracks. Blimey, the NHS is in trouble, isn't it? If people are having croissants doing surgery. Taken by French surgeons by the looks of things. Oh, yes, maybe it's there. I've got a few thoughts on that. But it's not the right show. No. Okay. It's for your guest spots and talk spots. Are French surgeons leaving crumbs in good British brains?

1:49Leaving us with no other option than to climb lampposts? A demented flag weirdos. leaving flags there because we've got crumbs on the brain. Oh, blimey O 'Reilly. Now, I think I should probably start the show. Or there's questions, rather. T Spruill asked us on Blue Sky. Whoa, it's still happening. I haven't checked my... It's like lifting up a rock and seeing some ants running around. Whoa. You guys are still here. You guys. Go on, Blue Sky. Nice. Yeah. See, a lot of people left Twitter. Go Blue Sky. It's like popping your own Anania. It is. But it's much smaller. Yes, much smaller But it's Turkish delight But the more heads in there The bigger it gets Exactly Anyway Sky bonces Absolutely The big T says Marcus Oh, to me specifically Are Manchester United now Bothering your vergi-o-meter Do you have a vergi-o-meter?

2:42Is that part of the car Where the driving seat You've got the driving seat The vergi-o-meter Yes, exactly 1.21 gigawatts Yeah, it's like People think it's a three-seater In the front You're like in America No, that's just the verge That's the verge-o-meter Right, verge-o-meter Yeah Lyle Island I don't I think they are having a much better season than we all thought they were having and we all thought they were going to have they are currently way way way way up in sixths they're a couple of points off Bournemouth in second give Bournemouth a few flowers at least Jim but the team with the big bouquet at the moment is Arsenal on 22 points of course Manchester United on sixth so I don't think they're on the verge to answer your question I mean Egil Harder also asked if Manchester United are good enough to challenge for the title this season.

3:25Egil. Come on. The answer, again, is no. He's been Egil'd on, hasn't he? Yes. To say that. Yeah, but he's a hard... No, it doesn't quite work. I don't think Manchester United are going to win the title this year. And I'll even predict they're not going to win it next year either. But they have definitely been better than what we thought. I still think that there was... Maybe not now, with the games that they've won, three in a row. and I think beating Brighton as they did in the style that they did fair play to them I think that's now put it to bed largely but I still think up until that game there was still a little bit of a hangover from last season and Grimsby Town yeah that Grimsby result was a huge huge kind of bump in the road wasn't it?

4:11hugely embarrassing it did I honestly yeah and so I was very much of the opinion that Amarin would be off in November after that year had expired and his contract and it was cheaper to sack him. I know Luke was of a similar mind and he's not here, but I'm quite sure he said that. Evil Jim's made it very clear that's not going to be the case, isn't it? I mean, we've had plenty of kind of chairman, backing managers and then going on to sack them before, but he was talking about how we'll give him three years and stuff and it seems like they do mean that. But there was chat for that Sunderland game if they lost that game.

4:47I know Sunderland have been really good this season, but still Man Utd would be favourites for that game there was chat that if they lost that game he would be in serious trouble and he did look a little bit like a dead man walking dead man crouching and hiding dead man fiddling around with a tactics board quite fitting for Halloween week so he should have done that a bit later although I suppose it would cost them more that's a good point but if you think about to just quickly whisk through or whiz through rather we can whisk and whiz their season. Because when they played at Arsenal at home and lost 1-0, people thought, okay, there's some improvement here.

5:23Against Fulham, away, wasn't that convincing? Bang, then you get the Grimsby game when they lose that. Then they just get past Burnley and again, not convincing at all. You look at the other fixtures, beaten pretty handedly by Man City. Well, okay, there's a bit of a golfing class there. They get past Chelsea, a bit of a funny game. They lose to Brentford and that game, Brentford now we see a pretty good particularly at home their home forms coming into it then they beat Sunderland Liverpool and Brighton and suddenly the mood of the place is is rather different so the idea that they're now going to bother the vergometer and I'm sure Tee Sproul is having a little bit of a lull with that and let him lull Egil needs to um maybe take some crumbs off his brain thinking that they could challenge for the title I think that if when all's said and done Manchester United have improved from last season.

6:15They've shown enough signs of it for us to think. One of the big things is they've made some really good signings and now Kunja's up and running. He's got his goal. And Bumo was there, scores another. They're finishing chances they wouldn't have scored last season and that is the difference. Exactly. And they've also kind of opted out of cup competitions. Yeah, don't have to worry about that. Genius! Absolute genius! They're giving themselves the best chance they possibly can by losing in the European final and losing against Grimsby. they're just giving themselves a lot more recovery time. They get Grimsby in the FA Cup.

6:45Ah, yes. Just chuck it in again. That would be funny. Yeah, that would be good. They squirm past them on penalties. So at the start of the season, if you had said to me that in late October, Man United would be a point behind Sunderland, I would absolutely have believed you. But the context of it would have been a little bit surprising to me, I think. And I sense really that, I mean, the Brighton game was interesting, wasn't it? They were really good for large, large parts of it. and they play very calm, very comfortable, controlled football. And it was probably the first time really where it felt like actually the players kind of know their roles in this system now and it's working really well.

7:23The interchanges are really good. Bruno Fernandes was really effective despite kind of playing in that deeper role. Is he adapting to it? Baffling to us, maybe. Yeah, because he's obviously a very talented footballer with a really good passing range. You're always going to find yourself further at the field than you are designed to be. So he's always going to be effective wherever he is. But it was highlighted though on Masters Day and during the game that the formation seemed more fluid. Yeah. And I think that's them understanding it, isn't it? Yes. And I think that's probably a combo. I haven't sort of analysed all the games they've played and I'm sure they've been doing that or trying to do that.

7:56But I think my guess would be that Amorim is being a little bit looser. Now clearly what he did at Sporting was effective. But he's not some fool who's come in. this is not a Gary Neville to Valencia appointment not some chancer but I think being a little bit of Gary catching strays well that's harsh Peter Lim is the one who should take the blame for that but anyway and I think fair play to Gary Neville for taking that appointment anyway getting way off track here I think that being a little bit looser tactically or fluid maybe is a better word and the players may be beginning to sort of slightly understand that a bit more whatever it is but you saw that against Brighton you saw Luke Shaw stepping up into the midfield and Luke Shaw when he's one on one with the player he is robust and strong like he can you know he can do that and I think you know he could be in the England squad next summer but that's another point but he's going to grow Mark is going to grow his hair until he's in England squad well me all sure so I think that those are noteworthy points and with Manchester United what's the best they can hope for this season to maybe bring it back round to the question.

9:09I think that it is a possibility that they are going to challenge for maybe a European spot. I think Champions League possibly will be a little bit too far. If it goes down to fifth though, that is something they could aim at. But then having said that, Chelsea are kind of misfiring, although you expect them to be challenging for Champions League. I would say the same about Aston Villa, even though they've had a bit of a patchy start. Newcastle as well, you say the same about Man City you know I don't think they're going to win the league but they're going to be in the conversation can Spurs keep going can Sunderland and Bournemouth Bournemouth we saw dropped off a bit still a good season last season it tends to happen every season doesn't it you have a team like that where you think at this stage can they go all the way and then it proves to be too much absolutely absolutely so I think that European positions right now seems crazy because I really did not think we were going to have this conversation and I thought that as much as only a few weeks ago so you don't want to kind of go crazy and go you know too knee jerky but give them their credit I think that yeah I think that it is realistic for them to start thinking okay we could maybe achieve a European position a title no chance title challenge absolutely no chance the reason for that is that I just don't trust them to not wobble again even in the game against Brighton that it was one and they concede two goals and of course in Bumo that then goes and gets another goal and they make it safe but there is a sense isn't there that that back door was perhaps still a bit more open than you'd like it to be.

10:37One of the interesting things about it is that the recruitment has been roundly criticised for a long time because quite often good players come in and suddenly they're not good players anymore. That doesn't seem to have been the case with Kunia and Mbumo in particular. Obviously, they've proven Premier League operators, which makes a big difference. And you could say the same about Mason Mount maybe, but he, of course, has had a lot of injuries. So these two have hit the ground running. Maybe Kunia's taken a little while to get up to speed in terms of goal scoring, but they've had the impact that you would have hoped and expected them to have, given the quality of those two players.

11:07And what I think is interesting about them... They're beginning to have the impact. Well, they are. So prior to the last two games, Man United were the biggest underperforming XG team in Europe's top five leagues, right? And obviously, regardless of what you think of XG, this is still quite an interesting... Yeah, I think it paints a little bit of the picture. ...way to look at the quality of chances people make. In the last two games, they've scored six goals from 2.4 XG, and Kunyur and Bumo were massive overperformers of XG last season. So it's made me think that United have looked at that and gone, these are guys who can score from a half chance.

11:37These are guys who are really good at being clinical when they need to be. And we've seen it from Mbumo, and we're starting to see it from Kunia. I think Sesko is starting to play some sort of tidy stuff, and it is linking quite well. And obviously, he's still sort of being eased into the team as a starter as well. So actually, I know it's very, very early, but the business they've done in the summer is starting to look on grass as it does on paper, which has so often been the problem for them, isn't it? That these signings just haven't worked in slightly kind of baffling ways. I think the mood being lifted after that Liverpool game, you can't underestimate that.

12:12Such an enormous result and gives them such a lift. But Man United spotters have seen them raise their game against Liverpool so many times. It rarely bears fruit like that. And City as well, they've had some good results against them in a similar way, yeah. Yes, which is why one doesn't want to be too knee-jerky because, you know, how many false thorns as you're kind of alluding to there, Pete? So I do get it, but which is why any talk of them being on the verge of the title, whether asked in, you know, humorously or not, they're just, no, absolutely not. They've got like, before, up till about sort of New Year, they've got some winnable games, but there's a lot of them away from home.

12:50But now you don't know what to get with Manchester United, and I think that teams previously... That's useful to them. Yeah, that is useful, yeah. Especially because you look at Forest in particular. still don't quite know what you're going to get from them. Especially after... Well, we know what you're eventually going to get. But there's a betting in period, isn't there? And they're going to be looking at that the next two games thinking we're going to get this kid's haircut. They've got an on-site barber. You know what to do. Maybe not a content team. Get him in the training ground. Do you think they've got any money for an on-site barber?

13:20No, they have one. They have one at the training ground. They haven't got rid of that? No, I think it's a new thing. A new... What? They've got rid of all of the IT department that replaced it with the barber. Barbering for the players, yeah. Yeah, but I reckon the players, I think they don't pay for them. I think you've got to pay. Right, okay. That must be it. It's like a retirement home. You cut the old lady's hair for like six quid or something. That'll do. Jim Ratcliffe will do it for you. Give me the old Ratcliffe buzz cut. Oh, dear. Surely Ratcliffe, to save money on heating, would want more hair.

13:47Would want no waxing. I like the cut of this kid's gym. Stop getting your hair cut, guys. Stop getting your hair cut. Maybe he's going to use the hair and put it on the walls to insulate it. Yes, exactly. Yeah. I emptied the dryer filter yesterday. All over my bath and I forgot. And it's just hair all over my bath. There's no way to start a day. What did you... I can't believe I'm going to ask him this. What did you do with the hair? Ate every last bit of it. Coming up after this, is this the end of the new manager bounce?

14:25I got an email from Josh Brown. Hi Josh Go on JB After Arna Slott's arrival last season Giving Liverpool the super new manager bounce By running away with the league It's a hell of a bounce that We've seen a number of new managers Failing to get their teams going Amorim United Postacor Glu Nuno Potter Lopetegui Three West Ham ones Yeah, three West Ham ones Dice with Forrest Losing to Bournemouth over the weekend Have we seen the end of the new manager bounce, Marcus? Well How long can a bounce be? Yeah, well, clearly all season with Arna Slott. Three West Ham managers, one current, two former.

15:05Yeah, I would... There are some clubs where you just go, you're part of that. Man United are another one. Yeah, well, do you feel at West Ham, it's kind of like they... There's a new manager bounce, there's a new head coach bounce. And with West Ham, they never buy players for the current manager that they've got. They always buy players for some future manager. They just buy players because they're cheap or they're... No, that's it. They're affordable. They're cheap. There's no plan. The future manager has to be unemployed. He has to be someone who's recently failed. Exactly. So they kind of, you know, line the nest for him.

15:35And so there's no transfer chest available for a new West Ham manager, for example. Yes. Because you're the head coach. You're just kind of like a guy who just deals, you know, you just deal with the squad you've been given. All they need is a new owner belt. Yes. That's what they need. That's the new thing. A new owner belt, right? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I think it's... Saudi's in. I mean you know you absolute rotter shocked at the amount of dildos around the place my goodness they're absolutely everywhere they're in the walls they're holding the stadium up they're in the walls this this right here is the reason why we run a pretty tight ship back home we can't have this many load-bearing dildos it's just so much worse than we thought oh dear better than swords lying around the place though yeah I suppose so.

16:23But anyway, I would say that, wouldn't I? You would. Neither is ideal. You'd prefer a dildo than a bone saw, one would suggest. Yeah, I would agree. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what you get up to in the bedroom, Marcus. No, I'm just lopping off limbs. I was of lovers. Lopping off lovers' limbs. You simply can't have limbs. Oh, you've been a naughty journalist. Fuck you, though. Jim Campbell. you're not usually the one to step over the line to dance over the swords you put the grot in play you did I'm just yes anding good on you and good on you I say Jim right well there you are Josh yeah it depends on what I mean like Lopatake at West yeah I mean it's all West Ham West Ham's kind of muddied these waters really haven't they it's all their fault I think Forrest have played their part as well Postacoglu was a mad bit of work and mad things happen.

17:22But you could have seen Poster Coglu get about three or four results. Poster Coglu, Spurs had a manager battle. Yeah, he had that. And that's in recent memory. It's in very recent memory. So, I mean, to answer the question kind of very directly, I suppose, you know, no, we've not seen the end of the new manager bouncing, nor will we, because a new manager coming in and doing well. A new manager. Get a manager. Get a man in. There's a Wayne Rooney joke in there somewhere. There is, yeah. A new manager coming in. and doing well is just a statistical certainty, isn't it? That will happen between now and the heat death of the universe.

17:57But I think it feels like we've not had one for a while and the reason for that is the last one we did have was Vita Pereira who's now doing an appalling job. So he feels like he's ushering in a new manager bounce from somewhere else. It also depends what you mean by a new manager bounce because do you mean that the immediate results, say your first four or five games, you improve and then you kind of plateau? Because did Unai Emery not have a new manager bounce at Villa. But they seem to sort of carry on. That was a long, like they've finally got a good manager in. Well, indeed. So it depends what you mean because when we think new manager bounce, we tend to think of the, I don't know, Sam Allardyce going to wherever he's needed and helping them stay up.

18:40Or even Pardew. Now I'm talking about Crystal Palace. You know, like just specific things and then you get that bounce and then it plateaus off or then it sort of dips a bit and you kind of go, oh, actually, yeah, the honeymoon period's over, that's kind of done. But you do kind of rely on that sometimes, don't you? Sometimes it keeps you in the league, for crying out loud. Yeah, indeed. Sometimes you make those short-term appointments, or it turns out to be a short-term appointment, but it kept you in the league, or it kind of got you back to where something, which leads us back to Nottingham Forest and Sean Dyche.

19:09Did they get a new manager bounce against Porto in that game? Well, quite clearly, they won the game against a very good side and keeping it simple, and Sean Dyche praised the players and said, look, in three days they've taken a lot on board. Then they go away to Bournemouth. Well, does that mean the new manager is there? Because they simply lost to a far better team who themselves maybe got a bit of a bounce or whatever when Iriola went there, and a team who are now second in the Premier League. We could be here for ages, couldn't we? We could be, too. Bounce on bounce. A lot of bouncing, yeah.

19:41So I think that we've... Dice still seems to be what you call the old firefighter manager for me. And also looks like a bouncer. It does a bit, yeah. Sounds like a fire. Yes. And I think, yeah, crackly, yeah, I suppose. With Dyche, you know, I get the good mood, Forrest, because he's there. And I think that he will improve them from what they had against, what they had under Postacoglu. But I think that will plateau. I think that will be very much in the form of the previous, the aforementioned... The turgid stuff they're going to play on the field. Turgid, defence-minded stuff they're going to play on the field.

20:18Yeah, also as well, I think this season in the Premier League, it's more competitive. So I think that makes it much more difficult for managers coming. I don't think they're any gimme games. Yeah, and the promoted teams, I think Burnley are going to drop off. I think they've been quite fortunate the last few weeks. But I think it's something certainly you would expect. I think we all expected, and I certainly expected those three to sort of go down and not do anything. But the sudden surprise has been difficult for teams like, not Forest, but teams that might go down. Yes, but you think as well, though, certain trends come in waves.

20:50We saw a lot of sackings a few seasons ago. It was the old managerial merry-go-round. Whereas now, that idea of getting a manager in to be the firefighter or whatever is maybe a little bit less and less. You could say Moyes at Everton was that, but I think that was to kind of steady the ship. But we're hearing now he's a project manager, the term project manager. Well, I think part of the reason for the prevalence of the old firefighter managers, in the nature of a firefighter they only come in when something's going terribly wrong no one plans to change the manager mid-season and get someone in as a sort of emergency manager who's going to try and keep you up but I think such is the pull of the Premier League now especially with the money available and that seems to be increasing all the time is that you can kind of take your pick from some really good managers around Europe and that wasn't always available in the eras of your Peter Reeds coming in and even like Sam Allardyce coming into sort of Palace and Sunderland and places like that, that was perhaps a little bit harder for those clubs then.

21:51But these guys know they'll get a massive payoff if it doesn't work out. If it does work out, it's a massive platform. They might get a move somewhere else within the Premier League or certainly with their reputation enhanced, with an experience of a huge league on their CV. So it's all upside to these managers and they provide a different option, don't they? Yeah, I agree. You can go and manage Sweden. You can go and manage Sweden. Yeah, absolutely right. Kyle Fraser has been in touch on Instagram and says, what is everyone doing in the bathroom after watching my video? No. That bot is so prolific on our posts.

22:27Absolutely mad. Hang on, what's this, sorry? Explain to those. On every Instagram post, the first post is, the Football Ramble or any podcast we do puts out, the first post is always inexplicably a sexy bot saying the following. It's something along the lines of, what is everybody doing in the bathroom after watching my video? Yeah. Oh, because Andy Brassel often asks me that. Yeah, it's a weird one. It is. It's very strange. We always get hit by that particular bot. But Kyle hasn't asked that. Kyle Fraser has said, why can't Fulham have nice things? I get what you're saying there, Kyle. Calvin Bass is giving away nice things every week, it seems.

23:08Yeah, so I was very conflicted at the weekend. lovable Jacob Murphy doing over lovable Calvin Bassi I didn't know whether to be happy or sad he had a lot of work to do you would say yeah he did very well and he almost had another chance to do the exact same thing about five minutes later also as well it's a bit disappointing because Bert Leno very trusty keeper he pushed that one out into Bruno Gimera's pass but you think push that one if you're not going to hold it I think he was probably tired Marcus oh is he? he was tired he had a lot to do well he needs to spend more time on the training ground in the gym tired for the money he earns burnt out Marcus what is happening in Fulham because a lot of my other Fulham friends is just saying that the manager's rather he's rather inflexible but for me from what I've seen just seems to be just a bit of bad comms here and there and some individual mistakes every week I think cutting edge and goal scoring is a problem for Fulham yes you've had a lot of quite difficult away games recently though and that's going to happen and injuries yeah I mean Fulham they've only scored what nine goals in nine games and only Forest, West Ham, only the bottom three have scored fewer than Fulham this season.

24:15So goals is a problem. I mean, admittedly, Aston Villa in eighth, having only scored nine, but they've only conceded eight to Fulham's 14th. So goal scoring is a bit of a problem. And I think Marcus Silva, they've got quite a small squad compared to some other teams in the Premier League. In West London. In West London in particular. Marcus Silva was very disappointed in the recruitment in the summer. He was very concerned about that. They got a couple in. Kevin, the Brazilian lad, was a big one. He feels like a nice thing. He is a nice thing. I think he's being eased into the Premier League, but my goodness, he made an instant impact when he first came on.

24:53But the two games Fulham have won this season, one was against Leeds at home, where they got a very fortuitous last-minute goal. In the league, by the way, because they're still alive in the League Cup. And the other game was a pretty impressive and comprehensive victory against Brentford at home. And that wasn't that long ago. It was on the 20th of September. Brentford now are showing what they're made of under Keith Andrews and have had some impressive performances and big wins, obviously beating Liverpool. Fulham have not kicked on. They won back-to-back games. And then, like, so take the game against, like, Aston Villa.

25:25They go a goal up and they're showing that, you know, that they're dangerous on the counter. They've got something going. And then they kind of just end up losing 3-1 and they kind of capitulate slightly. And this is a little bit of a problem for Fulham in that they can start pretty well. Against Newcastle on the weekend, again, started well and are showing a bit. Always going to be up against Newcastle United. And then individual errors cost them. Whereas they were showing themselves again on the break that they can be effective. So a lack of cutting edge and sloppy errors. You know, against Bournemouth, go a goal up where there was not much in it, end up losing 3-1.

26:05It's conceding three goals in a game where any goal seemed unlikely and they were the first to score. So you match that and then you think, well, actually, but against Arsenal another day, they might have nicked a point. It's all ifs and buts and it's trying to change the losses into draws and then victories, of course. And like taking that sort of 3-1 loss into the national break as well, you sort of felt like, okay, hopefully without absences, you can kind of like work some injuries back into contention and then you just get beaten. A pretty decent performance against Arsenal, wasn't it? Yeah.

26:36I was really impressed with them actually yeah they look and that's what I mean they're sort of flattering to deceive a little bit here but it's all said and done they're three points above Forest and they're in 17th so they have to change the results around again it's about being clinical and you got Wolves at the weekend Marcus yeah I know and as I said on yesterday's show this is what I thought last season when Wolves won 4-1 now admittedly Matthias Cunha scored two worldies and thank goodness he's not involved but you know Strand Larson will probably pull out a voice but Fulham's next four games what have they got Wolves then they've got in among these four games I think they're away to Spurs which is obviously a more difficult tie I think they're away to Everton and they've got Sunderland at home well Sunderland at home is not a gimme anymore or it wasn't ever a gimme this season in the Premier League they have to be getting even a conservative effort of at least five maybe six points from those games if they can get maybe eight or nine if you can get eight that would be that's like Spurs and Man City yeah they have to be targeting that they can't sort of go oh well it's still early days this is where because it's not is it it's a quarter of the way in now exactly you're not really getting a kick with Crystal Palace when you know two seasons ago you'd be like oh you know yeah we might get something so they really have to be careful Fulham because if you look at the teams around them yes of course I think they're better than currently better than Forest, West Ham and Wolves although Forest have the potential to go above them although under Dyche will that be the case they're better than Burnley and Leeds but are Fulham really better than say Everton Brighton, Brentford, Palace you know do you see what I mean and that's why the recruitment not being that great in the summer and all it's just relying on Marco Silva to squeeze even more juice out of this side having achieved a records points tally last season I think come the end of the season Silva will be really hoping that there's another plum Premier League job on offer because I think it may well be his last season because I think I get the feeling that he's like, I've taken this squad as far as I'm going, and if you're not going to back me in the transfer market, which they kind of have previously, but this time round.

28:39It's your rep that ultimately gets affected by this sort of thing. Indeed, yeah. I think Fulham can have nice things. They need more nice things, but they need to utilise the nice things and get some nice goals and no more individual errors. A nice little pool isn't enough. But it will be south to the wounds. All right, coming up after this. Don't go in a pool with wounds. Or a hot tub. Don't go in a pool full of salve with wounds. That's the advice. That is the takeaway from that question, Carl. I hope you remember that. All right, coming up after this, the best of British and football's Frankenstein's monster.

29:27From Kyle, Gebo. Go on, Gebo. it's as simple as that it's as simple as an un-alloyed as this Marcus who's the greatest British footballer of all time mate whoa I remember Andy saying that he thought it was Gareth Bale but surely there are so many historical options that should be considered too including Robby Charlton Dennis Lott Kenny Daglish Jimmy Greaves John Charles and maybe now even Harry Kane and Wayne Rooney I mean Andy could have been saying that it could have been talking about contemporary kind of contemporaneous ones I guess maybe I'm trying to help him out here I'm glad that we've said British because it gives me a chance to mention Tom Kearney of course has caps for Scotland and that wonderful wand on the end of his leg I mean he's my favourite British footballer yeah I'd say Brit Arthur I like him he's quite good I think that Andy Brassel is on to something they're saying Gareth Bale because what he did at Real Madrid if you look at his highlight reel at Real Madrid is incredible but also I know that the last how many European Champions Leagues would it be the last sort of couple of medals he won five yeah not the last last two off I would say I don't know I think there are four where you think you know what he's made a contribution to those I think if I burgled his house and stole the last one the judge would go fair with your gavels in the country where have you got the gavel from judge hang on you're not the judge you're the defender and why is this being televised?

31:01why am I telling the judge what to do? I just think I would be treated fairly by the court because he stole his team finally I stole I thieved the thief yeah okay I mean yeah he didn't always start in Champions League finals but it's fair to say that when he came off the bench he made a contribution when you look at the highlight reel as you allude to there are huge moments in huge games where he has turned the game you know and has made a big big contribution I think the kind of amazing thing with Gareth Bale as well is there's a sense that he actually could have done so much more and that's normally because of a sense of a talent that's been unfulfilled but that's not the case with him.

31:38There's a sense that like he's like he could have done that long enough. He's not even that into this. Look how good he is. I think if he wasn't at a maybe he would never have become that footballer but Spurs weren't where they probably needed to be. I mean they were Champions League I suppose weren't they? I mean he destroyed Mike on that time didn't he famously. It's rare that you see one player retire and others reputation in Mike on's defence into a what 4-0 up yeah right so he's a bit like oh there he goes tell a judge make it 4-2 I don't get 4-3 okay let's see this out but like the if he hadn't been at Spurs perhaps he wouldn't become that footballer but I think with him playing a different side in England and also going to a non-mad if there was a version of Real Madrid that weren't mad like I think we would be looking at his career very very differently and in spite of all of those drawbacks he still managed to be probably the most celebrated British footballer and I'm certainly of the opinion that he's the best I would say that he's perhaps not the most celebrated I think he has been celebrated so a Welsh friend of mine often bangs on about this and says he's totally underrated if he was English he would get more whoever's from your own country you're going to talk about more it's as simple as that but having said that I do think he probably has been slightly underappreciated in the term in the talk of greatest British footballers of all time possibly because maybe we don't have that specifically British chat we often think about from the individual nations and his best stuff was at a Spanish club as well yeah which I think actually might well go in his favour but I think but I think ultimately I think the way his career kind of wound down I think what you said earlier Jim is that he did fulfil his potential because he scored goals in Champions League finals and was a a big part of their unbelievable success.

33:28You know, no one had defended a Champions League title until Zidane came along at Real Madrid and they did it three in a row. So the medals are there for all to see and the enormous contributions and the amount of goals he scored and just the brilliance of him. Came back from injuries as well, big injuries. Indeed. I mean, he even won the MLS Cup in Los Angeles when he was playing for them. So I think with Bale, in terms of raw ability, what a play the pace the power the skill the goal scoring the absolute hammer of a left foot like you look at all the attributes of the man he is without a doubt one of the greatest footballers that Britain has ever produced possibly the greatest in terms of talent you know you could talk about yeah Dalgleish and Greaves and Law and you know Sir Stanley Matthews and all these but I never saw them play they're all greats and I think Bale is in that bracket but in terms of what he achieved, he achieved in terms of medals more than them.

34:27But what he did for the Welsh national team as well. So staying with Welsh players, actually, I think someone who is possibly the biggest victim of the way we view pre and post Premier League football is Ian Rush. Ian Rush. Yeah, scored 346 goals for Liverpool across two spells, won an enormous amount of things with them. I think he's probably someone who's in the conversation rather than the answer but I think he does get forgotten possibly because he was yeah and he was recently seen creating an AI musical to try and settle a dispute with a scaffolding company yeah I guess you kind of which doesn't help you live long enough to be an AI menace don't you I suppose but with Bailey we've not seen him I guess footballers nowadays they've got enough money to disappear you know what I mean they've got fuck you money back then you kind of had to you had to be out there just that's fair you know being deported mind you anyone could get a mortgage back in those days that's a good point actually yeah yeah well Ian Rush talks a very good game sort of saying that he could still play the game now if he was 25 and it's that's not he was all paced but like and that I don't agree with that he could finish an enormous amount of goals absolutely enormous what do you think on the point though of does the trophy hall matter or not because like Bobby Moore was a phenomenal player he won the World Cup but the way he his influence on the game as well, yet not a big trophy haul.

35:52No. Harry Kane is another one. It's funny, it's the man one, isn't it? It's the man trophy haul. If you can put Bale or Kane in your team, who do you go for? Yeah. I think it's a tough one, though. I think I might lean towards Kane. It guarantees goals. Well, yeah. The trophy thing's interesting. I do think it is important, because getting those over the list. All right, Ali McCoy. What have you got to say about that? I'd love to meet him. Paul Gascoigne. On holiday. Paul Gascoigne. All-inclusive. less so Paul Gascoigne in this context I don't want him in all inclusive but I'd love to be on holiday room and board only please Paul I'd love to be on holiday and Ali McCoyst just be the charming old gentleman that you keep seeing in the bar did you guys have a nice day have you seen that Paul fella he seems a bit sketchy is that ACDC it is do you need a statue of you Ooh, I mean, because Kane's in there.

36:50Kane's in there. Bale's not, as far as I'm aware. Anyway, let's finish with this from Andrew on Discord. If you could have a Frankenstein's monster made out of five footballers, who would you pick? Andrew said his would be the brain of Zidane, the torso of Adiak and Fenwar, the arms of Rory De Laff, I like that specific thing, the right leg of David Beckham and the left leg of Lionel Messi. Good legs. It's not bad. Great legs. I'm glad we're talking about this because obviously Halloween's coming up. Last year I read A Frankenstein, by which I mean I had a copy of the book Frankenstein, which I read in case that's confusing.

37:24It's a different interpretation. There is a fantastic bit of information in the introduction to it about Percy Shelley, one of history's wettest men. I don't just say that because he drowned. So he was apparently, apparently there was a point where he was read this stanza from a Coleridge poem, which goes like this. like one that on a lonesome road doth walk in fear and dread and having once turned round walks on and turns no more his head because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread right and apparently this stanza caused history's biggest drip Percy Shelley to faint in terror to faint heavens a fiend yeah but different different rules back then though wasn't it that would have been like watching like three Robocops or something I mean that song Rumble by Link Ray the instrumental started a riot once well there you go yeah nice but I was only in my house so who are you thinking then I mean he said made out of five footballers I think you could I mean you wouldn't go for Akin Fenway if you wanted like a muscular man you'd go for like Adama Traore that's exactly what I've gone for who at the weekend Anthony Gordon tried to professional foul and it was hilarious so you could have the pace of Adama Traore right yeah so I suppose you could but then I think the physicality you'd want like a Nick Voltemada or something you're going to have his height so when he says five footballers I know you're trying to restrict us there Andrew I understand but I think we could if we're going to be a bit naughty to Andrew I think we can have this is your show Marcus you do what you like I've stuck to five but you know well I think so I would have the head of Harry Maguire that's what I'd do with bolts in the neck presumably you could have the bolts in there if you want who would you have the heart of Roy Keane I don't know you'd want someone someone who never gives up or is all heart.

39:17You'd want your Roy Keane, wouldn't you? Like a winner as well. The problem is his heart allowed him to do ultraviolence as well. I think his heart was in the wrong place at times. Was it his brain? You never knew with him. All right, okay. I feel it was a calculator. He planned to do a lot of stuff. Okay, so to use a contemporary example, you would want the heart of maybe Declan Rice. Right. Who just, to me, he's got the right temperament. He keeps going. He's a great competitor. Keeps beating. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, great. I mean, maybe the lungs of it. I think I would like the hair of Kaká I love you you've gone for head and hair you've used up two spots I see why you've gone for more than five another player that survived Real Madrid yes and the rest is just Tom Kearney no I think he said the left peg of Messi again I'd have my man Kearney over Messi for the left peg it's such a cultured one because let's be honest Frankenstein's monster's not played in the Premier League he'll be in the championship the penis of Dion Dublin I did wonder about the penis yeah Dion Dublin is of course the obvious answer famous Willys yeah that was only because of a second report from Sir Alex Ferguson and Sir Alex Ferguson the rest of the Manchester United team may not have had big penises so he may have just been kind of he may have just been impressed by quite an average perspective thing yeah perspective thing I think I would have the brain of Xavi rather than oh nice yeah yeah nice it's that 360 thing isn't it yeah yeah always looking yeah yeah yeah Oh, he's looking.

40:46Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can all look, can't we? Uh-huh. If I may put my five forward to create my Frankenstein's monster. All right, answer the question then. Yeah, I will. So I've gone for the left leg of Roberto Carlos. Yeah. Ooh. The right leg of Gerd Müller. Ooh. Ooh. Kind of lopsided. I feel like Percy, what's his name? Shelling, yeah. The feet of Ronaldinho. Love that. Okay, nice. Also gone for the body and arms of Adama Traore, as you suggested. Good, good, good. And the head of Cristiano Ronaldo because he's got 156 headed goals to his name and let's be honest, a pretty good footballing brain and a fitting relentlessness.

41:22The liver of Jack Grealish. Yeah. The carbs of Jack Grealish. Yes. Okay, fine. There's a line that Frankenstein's monster says in the book which makes me think that Ronaldo's head would be appropriate as well, which is, I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other. Oh, blimey. Whoa, did Frankenstein's monster say that? He did. He never spoke in there. He just goes, no, no, he speaks very eloquently in the book. When you read the books rather than watch the films, like Jim does to his credit.

41:51I don't even watch the films, I watch the YouTube shots. No, I haven't done either. No. What about Hulk, the Brazilian? Or is that a different kind of? Yeah, actually, he'd be quite handy, general kind of spare parts. He'd been, wouldn't he? Yeah. Yeah. I love the fact, that you have answered. Where's all the parts gone? Just following a cousin away. Was it the cousin? Niece? Google that Yeah I don't know Google that Finn I think it was his niece No it was Name Our Sister Or his wife's daughter No His wife's cousin I think Maybe One of them I think though Strike off as Applicable legal team Apparently Brazilian footballer Hulk married his wife's His ex-wife's niece Thank you After ending his 12 year marriage Finally To the mother of his three children Sometimes nieces are sexy Right Peter can we hear about your parts Yes Yes 1960s Huddersfield town player Billy Legg 1950s players for Dundee FC Tony Knees Tony Knees I've only got three finished up with Danny Shittu for the bomb right so this player doesn't even have a torso no yeah just legs knees because you can run through people will be like I've got nothing to grab all done professional fouls I am not marking that what is that what is that surely would the torso be A coping Scottish Huddersfield footballer.

43:14Just constantly shitting everywhere. Brilliant. Yeah. What about hands back? Yes, Fenns. You've got to have some sort of body. Chris Armstrong. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I had one. It's not the time for it, though, is it? You've got to finish the show. Alan Bontz. Marcus remembers things. Marcus says things, isn't it? Alan Ball. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACOS creator. Thank you, Marcus, for tenacrating my memory. And after all, you're my Alan Bull. I'm back tomorrow. I'm back tomorrow. And it'll be Ginger. With Luke and Ginger Jim.

43:54Please do send us your responses, because no doubt you have them. Opinions and questions for next week's mailbag and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Lovely old job. Thanks very much. See you tomorrow.

44:15Brian Penis. Brian Penis. The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.