Mailbag: Who’s getting relegated from the Premier League this season?

0:00Hello everybody, welcome to the Football Ramble Mailbag. relegations, summer signings and Gordon Ramsay are the orders of the day it's Tuesday Third Affair by Marcus Speller I'm not Vertusian Hunter Roger and I'm not Luke Moore

0:24Hey everybody, good to have you it's a terrific Tuesday at Football Ramble HQ Is it in the kingdom? Well, I would say so The Ramble Kingdom The Ramble Kingdom It's absolutely an authoritarian monarchy of which Marcus is the king and we are but jesters in his court. And Pete's the ice agent. What a start. What a start. Pete's got away with not being a fool. The court's fool. I think you got away lightly there. Yeah, I did. Yes. Well, let's get back to the show as I tighten my grip on it. As we didn't yesterday. The show, that is. Now remember You can ask us anything For this show Get in touch on XBlueSky or Instagram At Football Ramble Comment on YouTube Or email us Show at FootballRamble.com And of course Friends of the Ramble Get priority Patreon.com Forward slash FootballRamble Is where you can become A friend of the Ramble Or you can sign up On YouTube Now I'm going to start With this question From Oli Rory Butler Greedy sod He's got three names He asks on Instagram With West Ham's Lost to Chelsea What are the odds On Forrest Surviving relegation I can tell you what their odds are to be relegated, quite literally, if you want.

1:35Far away, bro. About six to one. Nice one, bro. And in opposition to that, Wolves, Burnley and West Ham are all heavy odds on to be relegated. So the betting markets, whatever stock you put in that, think that Wolves, Burnley and West Ham are the three that are going to be relegated. The current bottom three are much more likely to be relegated than anyone else. So you've given us Forest's specific odds there. Can you give us West Ham's specific odds, old boy? Yeah, they are about 1 to 2. Yeah, I mean, my goodness. So very, very... I mean, Wolves are short price votes, of course. Burnley, both of those effectively are unbackable.

2:11West Ham are about 1 to 2, 8 to 15. And Nottingham Forest are 6 to 1. So Nottingham Forest are seen by the markets. This is not a betting ad. No. But betting companies are very rarely wrong on this. They think that Forest will be largely fine. Do I think that? Yeah. Become a patron to find out. No. I don't think they are fine. Thank you for listening to the roundabout. I don't think they are fine. I think they should be very, very wary, basically. So really, I think it would be very unlikely if Spurs get relegated. I think we can all agree on that because if they did start to slide under Frank, which they've obviously shown a bit of fighting spirit.

2:49It would be the spiciest of meatballs, though. It would be. I'd lap it up like a thirsty meal. Yeah, but in the spirit of the Premier League, if Frank isn't doing it simple enough, you could easily get someone in there to make it even more simple. And the quality, Harry, Harry Redknapp, right? Get him in there. I think that's possibly going to make it more likely they get relegated. Well, no, my point that I'm labouring to make is... 78-year-old, soon to be 79-year-old Harry Redknapp. Wow. Yeah. Who lives about 300 miles away. Yeah. You think that's going to be a good idea, is it? Old man in positions of power.

3:24It's all the rage these days. Oi. Sleepy Harry. Oi. When's it let us down? Answer me that. Answer me that. Good point. When's it ever let us down? They know better. They know better. Just pump him full of aspirin and send him out there. They've reached a stage in life where they don't care and that's good for us. Anyway, all the bollocks aside, Tottenham Hotspur are not going to get relocated. They've got far too good a squad and that's not the old they're too good to go down. They are too good to go down. Palace are on the slide but I think with Glasner, again, good manager, I think they've got too much in there as well.

3:59He's wrapped his hand in though, hasn't he? He has a little bit, but I don't think he would want to end his time at Palace getting relegated. I think he would. It doesn't matter, does it? But that's not how it works though, is it? Yeah. He doesn't want to end his time at Palace getting relegated, so therefore they won't be relegated. Correct. That's not a question. That's my opinion. You can give yours in a minute. I'm bored of my own opinions. I'm going to go at yours. Which is why I'm having to step in this space. I think Leeds United down is what you're looking at. Leeds are showing a bit. Forrest in the last four games have shown something.

4:29I mean, it was impressive to a degree that in that second half against Palace when they were down to 10, they never looked like losing the game. I can't understand it was only Palace. So really it's West Ham are up against it. But West Ham's slight up form in results and in performances, does that move the dial for you at all, Vish? No, not really because of the result on the weekend. But the performance was better. It was. I mean, they're still lost. And from 2-0 up as well. And we obviously credited Chelsea's fight back, or Chelsea for their fight back on Monday's show. But I mean, I don't think it's...

5:10I don't think it's Forest or West Ham. I think it might end up being Leeds and West Ham, you know. I feel like Leeds have shown that they're basically operating at the limits of their capability. Are you worried about the topics? I am a little bit worried about the topics. Marcus, you're basically chief topic correspondent. Are you worried currently about the topics? I'm not worried, no. But I think they are inevitably in the conversation. But I'm not worried for them. Because, again, they're six points currently. They're in a position, I think, that they would probably take in before the start of the season.

5:38But by this time next week, or even the end of next weekend, West Ham could be three points away from getting out of the relegation zone. They could also be nine points away from it as well. Well, no, because I think they're very likely to beat Burnley. and Nottingham Forest and Leeds play each other on Friday night. So it would be impossible for them to be nine points. Yeah. So it's quite, you know, it's going to change in the space of six days from our conversation. I wasn't doing it against you. I was simply stating facts. I'm getting a bit disrespectful, that. But, so yeah, I mean, I think Forest are broadly going to be fine, but that's not to say that I think West Ham are doomed.

6:24I don't think either of those things is true. I don't think Forrest... I wanted to ask you a question before Marcus stopped me earlier because he made a mistake that we had to edit out. What mistake was that? Let's put it back in. That Forrest have also got a European campaign to think about and it could become tricky for them because they're not going to obviously throw games, are they? they'll fancy their chances against Fenerbahce right which means they'll probably have they're going to have at least two more games they'll fancy their chances they'll go through against Fenerbahce and Sean Dyche at heart is of course an intensely arrogant man so he'll want to have a European bit of glory how have you done that well because because he's never I love it tell me if I'm wrong here it's so unnecessary if I misremembered when they got into Europe with Burnley they went out in the qualifier didn't they so he's never managed I don't think in the main competition.

7:22Well, he has with Forrest, but yeah. That's what I'm saying. But this is a big thing for him. There's no way they're going to wrap their hand in on Europa League is what I'm saying. So that makes him arrogant. Well, it makes him more likely to make decisions that benefit him than perhaps benefit other people. And they're going to have at least two more games because of the Fenerbahce tie. If they win that, which is their favourites to do so, they're going to have another two. And it could continue, because that's how knockout competition works, quite simply. it could start to get complicated. I think you're actually at your mind saying that they're going to be fine.

7:53They're also the lowest scorers of all those teams you're talking about. I don't think Forrest are safe. No, they're not safe. No way. I think they're in the relegation suit. I don't think anyone from Tottenham Down is safe. So Palace you might say about the European... Palace are in free fall. Palace are in a right old state off the pitch. I don't think Spurs are in the relegation suit. Let's wait till the end of February. They've got the hardest February of any of those teams. All right, okay. I mean, I would say that. So Oli, Rory, Butler, please resubmit your question at the end of February.

8:25He's driven a wedge between us. Oli, three names. Should we choose which of his three names we like best? I'll go Butler. Yeah. Yeah, Butler's good. Yeah. All right, well, I'll go Oli. I'm not going Oli. Oli's the worst. Oli's not the worst. It's posh, isn't it? Not necessarily. He's subservient to us. Oliver Twist? It's not an Oli, though. There's a big difference between Oliver and an Oli. He was a good Oli Twist. if he's called Oli Twist he's drinking IPAs just think what about Oli Watkins you know Oli Twist great lad loves cricket that's true don't say rugby don't say cricket yeah great lad loves rugby loves rugby really looking forward to the Six Nations yeah he would be Marcus yeah I think Butler is his year the question is what are Forrest's odds of surviving relegation they're bad because ultimately we're in a stage of the season now where the bottom seven teams are flirting with it now we can all look at the name Tottenham and go, it's going to be fine because the name of the team is Tottenham.

9:19They've got no players. They've got the hardest February of any team in that mix and the thing that will probably save them and I agree with you ultimately, I don't think they will be relegated, but what will save them is other teams being worse. Palace are in free fall, off the pitch they're in an absolute shambles and they keep losing players. The manager's wrapped his hand in. Leeds, you guys have already talked about, I broadly agree with that. It's going to come down to one team probably out of those five because Burnley are already gone and Wolves are history. So basically, if you phrase it that way, Forest's odds are like one in five because there's five teams.

9:54I think it's impossible to predict. I really do. I don't think you can say at any point Forest will be fine. I think that's crazy. I should say, I was speaking that equivocally relative to the conversation we were having. But also, after Leeds, Forest have Wolves at home in their next league fixture. Yeah, I do. That is though set against their next fixtures in the league, quicker Liverpool at home and then Brighton and Man City away after that second leg against Fenerbahce. So, you know, a lot is on the next fortnight. Yes, I agree. PK asks on X, PK says, if the Ramblers had the power to veto one transfer for the love of the game, which would you have vetoed?

10:38Alexander Eczek to Liverpool. No way! That's been great! That is the... That's been funny! That is the most recent one I have, yeah. Is it really? Yeah. Another massive one, Neymar to PSG. Good one. I knew you'd have that. Yeah. Can I check another one your way? Have you also got... Just explain to the listeners why, though. Don't just run through them. Just say why. No. Okay, fine. Sorry about that. The other one I was going to say was obviously Clint Dempsey to Spurs. Right. Have you got that one down? Scroll down. No, I think E-Zac to Liverpool because... We've lost a hell of a lot if we didn't get E-Zac to Liverpool.

11:14As a show, we've lost a lot yeah true you can't be saying that the thing is you were going about it the wrong way the way to go about it is which players have been really great to watch had really a load of promise and a bit exciting and then have absolutely torpedoed their own career by like going to Man City or Chelsea over the years like Calvin Phillips Calvin Phillips or Scott Parker or Steve Sidwell those kind of players but Parker at least did well at Spurs and obviously did well at Fulham and like he got into the England squad he was at was it Euro 2012 he would have been at I think whereas Calvin Phillips like yeah Calvin Phillips would be definitely one he should have stayed at Leeds even down in the championship I think I mean I just I just think that there's those moves that sit in that sweet spot where and it's not a sweet spot it's a very bitter spot because the the player themselves you totally understand why they want to go there you don't blame them because the money's better they're playing at a higher level they back themselves and that's how they've got to that stage in their career in the first place by being confident so you can't blame them but what happens is modern football regularly in that situation, it just eats players up.

12:16I mean, Calvin Phillips is basically still a Man City player. It's mad. And it happened a lot, maybe, what would have been 15, 20 years ago, Chelsea. They were just hoover players up and then they get lost in the mix. I mean, Sidwell was a really good one. Sidwell was such an exciting midfield player. Danny Drinkwater. Drinkwater's a great one. Drinkwater is possibly the worst of them because Drinkwater was such a good player at Leicester. And he was playing for England. I think he played against Holland for England. He did well. And it's just, it's been terrible ever since. And I think there's something about modern football which makes that happen.

12:49And those are the ones I would veto. I think Neymar to PSG, it was because he was a part of that great front three. And it's not because I love Barcelona particularly, but I think it was just so indicative of, it was the ultimate example of where football had already gone. Let's not kid ourselves here. But you can kid yourself for a bit. I think. There was a fork in the road and he unfortunately, from our perspective, chose the wrong one. Yeah. Who else did you have? Sorry. So similarly, I mean, this is a bit of a bullshit one from my part because I don't actually know that much about his career full stop in terms of like week to week, game to game, beyond the statistics.

13:33Don't worry, Luke and I here to help you. The fleeting appearances. Yeah, we won't know. I'll take the heat off you, mate. I'll not even worry. Paul Merson to Pompey. So much more of the take. Gio Felix going to Atletico Madrid. Yeah, that's a nice one. You mentioned that at some... It was on there on Friday, wasn't it? We had him in the game, didn't we? Oh, no, we took it back on Friday for some reason. Yeah, his name definitely came up. It may well have been in a previous mailbag, actually. So he's only 26 now, playing Saudi. But he moved there at the age of 19. Yeah. After, you know, one proper season as a starter for Benfica.

13:59Going to it later in the game was an odd move for him because he's such a lovely flair player. Yeah. And it was an odd one. But he's had chances since then. He has. He has. And he did go to Barcelona as well. And he did... On loan. On loan is very different, I think. He would have won the league with Atletico or Barcelona, I forget which. Atletico, yeah, in 2021. Yeah, he won that league. Gary Lineker to Nagoya Gran Berset. We should have stayed there as far as I'm concerned. Can I give you one way back? Further back than what I just gave. No, no. Jordan Henderson to Saudi. Guys commend the editor Lazio.

14:32Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Do you know what? That's a lovely one. I mean, yeah, because although then he would have probably been unlikely to settle in the north east of England after that. Exactly. So by moving to Lazio, he ends up coming to Middlesbrough, becoming a club legend there. We joined the shores. That's a lovely one. I think he might still live up there. He DJs, doesn't he? I think if he doesn't, he certainly was until fairly recently. He might still be there. But he was on the cusp at the time of being one of the superstars of Europe. He was constantly, for a couple of years in a row, he was voted...

15:05A fabulous player. Oh, he's brilliant. He waited for midfielder of the year. He took Valencia to two Champions League finals. they lost them both yeah remember that he wanted to move to Real Madrid Valencia wouldn't sell him to Real Madrid so Lazio stumped up the cash 29 million which at the time was a sixth highest transfer paid and so he moves there and I think he only makes 20 appearances for them completely like kiboshes any momentum he had in his career totally and that was sad I think that's it a momentum killer for a player I think it's a great one without getting too bogged down I have to say this one you've got the juices going now Andrei Shevchenko to Chelsea I was going to say that I was going to say that because he is one of the best centre-four players I think I've seen over the years a fabulous player and you know a Milan legend rightly so but he should also be a European legend to some people he will be but I think in this country I think he still is yeah but I think I think the 2005 Champions League final did a bit of a number on him possibly confidence wise possibly but I think I just I remember seeing him playing for Chelsea, I can't remember which game it was, but they were defending a lead, and he, from a corner or something, the ball comes in, and he's been put on as a sub for whatever reason, almost like a sympathy, I don't know what, and he cleared the ball off the line, and one of the defenders is kind of laughing and gives him a big 10, and he's laughing, oh, and it was almost like, oh, I did something, and I remember looking at that going, that's so sad, kind of thing.

16:34That's the kind of thing that would hurt you, wouldn't it? Yeah. Because you're a football period. You're a football purist. I don't want anybody making fun of one of my babies. No, that's right. Absolutely. I think we've gone through enough there, haven't we? People don't want to list players. John Joe Shelby away from these islands. Yeah, you'd definitely veto that. We've got to have some sort of definitive finish on this chat and I think we found it there. All right. Coming up after this, summer signings and their impact this season.

17:12For free note on Instagram has our next question who has been the best summer signing so far not including the big six clubs a fair few from Sunderland yeah I would say Xhaka yeah Xhaka would be up there for sure Nordi Mukiele as well Rufus has had a good time to me really if you're going to exclude the top six you've got to say you've got to say Xhaka I don't think Volta Marder's been bad no nor do I I think I think he's been good. He's been a lovely addition to the league. Oh, definitely that. Definitely that. Do we have any interest in the fact that Brentford have done really well this season so far?

17:47Well, I wondered if Kelleher. Creeden Kelleher, yeah. Jordan Henderson's been in there. Hendo's not a bad one. Hendo's not a bad one. He's definitely been better than I thought. Obviously, given mine and Marcus's track record of beefing over Henderson, I think it's kind of coloured my opinion somewhat. And when I was convinced that Brentford would be really shit this season, I kind of used the signing of Jordan Henderson as evidence for that. I thought, if they're going after Henderson now, they're in big trouble kind of thing. I understood that. But it's actually been okay. In fact, it's probably been more than okay, you'd say.

18:16Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Brentford have outstripped everyone's kind of expectation of them. And Henderson has actually played quite a lot. I mean, he started the majority of their games in the league. So you'd probably have to put them as part of the conversation. And I just do, I do think there's something in those kind of really experienced, particularly midfield players who can help out in so many different ways. As you were always fond of saying, Marcus, Henderson, what he brings to a club more in a 360 degree kind of way is very important. So I think all those players would definitely have a look in.

18:52What about Gabriel Goodmanson at Leeds? He's played a lot. Yeah. Often in there. And Leeds, considering the start of the season they had to, you know, giving themselves a good fighting chance staying up. Yeah, he was actually fairly tidy on the weekend despite the fact they lost 4-0. probably Leeds fans are shouting at their phones saying Dominic Calvert-Lewin maybe yeah yeah definitely I genuinely didn't think he'd be he'd certainly score as many goals as he had he probably actually should have scored you know five more goals and the crucial thing is he stayed fit as well yeah I think there's a few there I think Goodmanson up against like what he was up against at the weekend was tough for him yeah but anyway yeah that's a few that's a few answers there isn't it Marcus let's do the next one alright then it's from Moon on Discord Good old Moon-o.

19:38Now, Moon asks this, the naughty little sausage. If there was a TV show similar to Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares but was instead, insert football manager name, Football Nightmares, where a top-level manager had to go around non-league teams trying to fix them in six weeks, which manager would you like to see doing it? I mean, we did have this back in the day, Luke. Big Ron manager, one of the best TV shows ever. and obviously his name is you know sullied with all the stuff he said before if one can he's been cancelled now bigger on Atkinson but this TV show but the TV show I know it's absolutely sensational yeah he goes Barry Fry it's actually worth a watch yeah Barry Fry gets him in Peterborough United yeah for like a few months was it Peterborough was it yeah oh okay I thought it was lower than that Peterborough United and managed by a guy called Steve Bleasdale he's this kind of like eccentric scouser and it's absolutely sensational because basically the players who are, I mean, they're in a bit of a shit state at the time as a club, but the players massively respond to Ron Atkinson.

20:45They do. And they don't respond to Bleasdale at all. And the whole thing just becomes this power struggle where Bleasdale takes it really personally and Ron Atkinson's like trying to get in like loans using his contacts. Like really good players. And Bleasdale's like, nah, I don't want him. Yorkie, do you fancy it Yorkie? Which is very Kitchen Nightmares it is it's exactly like Kitchen Nightmares so it actually does happen which is why I thought it was worth saying because and it should be brought back immediately I tell you the three who would be up for it and I actually think they would be very good is the boys doing the adverts at the moment Allardyce, Pardew and Pulis I think Allardyce and Pulis would be particularly effective actually but the problem is the problem with that is they could technically take jobs in lower leagues if they wanted yeah sure they just think they're above it right And it would take a TV format to probably make them do it.

21:37Yeah, but I think, but that's the question, right? You know, if it was Tony Pulis' Football Nightmares. It's hugely disrespectful to illustrious historic clubs. It's different because Gordon Ramsay's going to some restaurant. Harry Redknapp's Football Nightmares. Redknapp would do it and he would also be good at it. You have to say, because the reason why Ron Atkinson was good at this specific thing we're talking about is because larger than life character, big character, commands respect, all the rest of it. And Harry Reddick would do that. He has the respect. I should say, by the way, PW United weren't a non-league team at the time.

22:13Okay. Yeah, and this is specifically non-league. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a really good format. I think it's brilliant. But as you say, you would have to get those who are willing to do it and that might be quite difficult. But you're right to say... Chuck Pep Guardiola in there. You're right to say those kind of managers you're talking about. Yeah. I mean, my one answer is Bielsa. No, no one would have a clue. Can you imagine how good that would be? For all the wrong reasons, yeah. It's the same with Guardiola. There's no way the players are going to implement. Why are you in the pub on a Friday night?

22:43It's like, I work five days a week. Exactly, yeah. But you haven't watched those 10 VHSs I said to you. I don't have a VHS player for a start. I've got them here in my Tesco bag. I've got to root through them. Yeah, I think... I'll tell you who might be quite good at this, who's out of work at the moment. Ange Postacoglu yeah I think it's a bit demeaning for him though isn't it no no no forget all the demeaning stuff you've got to answer the question in the spirit that it's asked yeah well in which case Ange would be brilliant I had a little smirk from producer Tom when I said Ange Postacoglu why are you smirking at that he'd be pounding beers because you can imagine it can't you yeah of course he could imagine it Postacoglu when he was Brisbane Raw head coach yeah there you go he's done it all this sort of stuff disrespectful to a great A-League team how many times have I got to tell you You can't mistreat Australians, mate.

23:29It's fine. Carry on. You're not there anymore. You don't have to go back for another four years. No, I'm saying, so often he would go to, like, go and watch, like, you know, Sunday League and stuff like that. And managers would come up to him and be like, almost like a King Solomon type. Well, you know, I've got this. What should I do here? Well, just get him to run to fuck then, mate. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, but he was always really interested, you know, partly because of his roots and how he got into football. Yeah. But he's always been really keen on, like, building from the ground up. Totally.

24:00That's not, I mean, it wasn't a, of course, ultimately Luke is right about this, the mini thing. He's obviously better than that. But I do think that there is a certain type of manager, dare I say man, who would have a bit of interest in this. Clearly they wouldn't want to undersell themselves in the reality of things, blah, blah, blah. But I do think that there is that purist, there's that love of the game. It's a bit like when you see some footballers who shouldn't be between games or when they're coming back from injury or whatever, playing down goals on a five-a-side or six aside in the cage or something.

24:29There's something about them. They just love it. Because you're thinking, hang on a minute, you should be playing in front of 50 ,000. No, but it's the game. You love the game. And I think Poster Coglu, to his credit, I think he would be brilliant in that situation. The thing I like about the Allardyce shout as well, though, is, you know, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, he goes in there and it's all very, you know, set-piece-y from his point of view. No pun intended. But at the end, you know, when he gets like near the end of the episode he gets his own people to come in and they redesign the restaurant and the redesign is always exactly the same yeah he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't necessarily always do that are you talking about the American one yeah the American one I'm a bit of a British one purist yeah the British one's good but the but the American one that he goes in he's like we'll just give it a bit of a spruce up and it's all exactly the same yeah it's like super clean white kind of tablecloths and like neutral colours in the wall and stuff I like the idea of Allardyce coming in there you'll play four at the back don't worry about it exactly that's what that is what you do so I think the crucial thing is the relatability yes because what you're basically talking about is the common touch yeah you're talking about people who've managed at the very top level who haven't really been changed as people by it right and so if you think of someone like Guardiola it's not just that his ideas will be way too highbrow yeah totally and the players won't be able to execute it's the fact that he's probably never definitely hasn't ever really lived a normal life Ruben Amorim but yeah well quite where it's like Allardyce, Poulis Redknapp You're going to hate this To the extent Pardew Sean Dyche Dyche as well Dyche would be great He would be really good That is basically Dyche's level Yeah There it is He manages to get the dig in there I think it's a lovely idea I think we should redo it I'd definitely watch it Yeah You really would watch it Big Ron Managers available I think all the episodes are on YouTube You want to watch them Alright then Coming up after this Would Spurs win League One?

26:31I wonder what's going to be the YouTube title for this video. Go on. You went into the break saying, could Spurs win League One? That's going to be the absolute clickbait title in this video. You've got to go viral twice because the answer is no. Anyway, the question specifically is from Lewis Matthews on Instagram. Hello to you, Lewis, who says, what's the best league you could put Spurs in and be confident they'd win it I think Thomas Frank would be good at the kitchen nightmares by the way the stuff yeah I think he might be a bit odd okay he's Danish isn't he so he's like oh why don't we just hike up the price on all the food yeah the Danish restaurants they're pretty specialist aren't they the top end ones oh they are aren't they they are the drinkers of Scandinavia it's all shaved reindeer heart and fucking nettles isn't it shaved nettles hey take me there one day yeah Copenhagen's a lovely place The best league that Spurs could...

27:25So we're targeting Spurs here because they're obviously a banter club at the moment and that's probably how it goes. But I do think... You've got to love a banter club. If you look at the profile of players that a lot of good-ish Premier League teams have, I think it's quite difficult to imagine them necessarily winning the championship. Well, they're not winning the Scottish Premiership the way Hearts are playing. They're not, Vish. Go on. Give me an argument for them winning the Scottish Premiership. But do you understand what I mean? I know you don't watch a lot of Championship, right? Not while my team's up in the Premier League.

27:55No, but like... I've probably been watching it a few years. I mean, Tom produced a second tier. Tom, like, you understand what I mean about top Premier League teams having to go and really kind of slum it in the Championship. Oh, the Championship? No, of course. A lot of games, but a lot of physicality about it. No, they're cutting through. To get out of the Championship is a slog. I've seen Fulham do it a number of times, straight back down, but they're okay at the moment. But it is... I do take that point, by the way. And I feel like maybe...

28:21I have to admit, I haven't watched an awful lot of it since then. Yeah. But I felt for a while there, there was a lot of League One teams playing some quite nice football. So I wonder whether, and then obviously the level drops off. So I wonder whether, I would love to see Spurs in the championship, just see how they deal with it. Let's be clear, they'd win League One, all right? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They would win League One. No doubt about that. It would suit them better than they would win League One. I definitely think they would win League One. Right, okay, we can all agree, Vish, that League One would suit Spurs better than the championship, okay?

28:49I think it would. Yeah. Okay, because they'd win League One Right Do you think they'd win the championship? I mean, I have them winning Serie A Yeah, but that doesn't matter No It doesn't make any difference They're not better than Inter Well, I mean, my reasons for that They might be up the top in Serie A They'd win some other European leagues, yeah, yeah They've They've been the Eredivisie Oh, so was it strictly UK? No, it doesn't have to be, no Okay Yeah Which Serie A, Brazilian or Italian? Italian Okay, good question Campionato? Would they win the Clasera or the Avalon? What's the one where it splits in an invert upon itself?

29:24The Apertura in Palosura. In Argentina. They wouldn't get relegated out of that because they changed the rules to stop River Plate going. That was superb. Absolutely superb. It's like an MC Escher painting of a structure. It's like a Hieronymus Bosch. So you think Tottenham Hotspur under Thomas Frank would win Serie A? I think they'd have a decent chance based on the fact that there have been four different Serie A winners in the last six years. In between Napoli winning it twice in three years, that middle season they finish 10th. So there's obviously a state of flux. Do Spurs win MLS? Which conference?

29:58Yeah, good point. Eastern or Western? What are we saying? Oh yeah. Is Giroud and Maurice? Just get away from them. So they're West Coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They stick to the East Coast. They'd win East Coast. They could slap about Philadelphia and DC. If you're an American and listen to this and you try to work your way up to being offended by that I don't watch MLS for the same reason you don't watch the British Basketball League. It is quite simply as simple as that. Yeah, BBL means something very different to you than us to us. Yeah, exactly. So Serie A, right, I don't think they're better than Inter, but I understand that against the next...

30:33You didn't go through fucking League One, I don't think they're better than them. I shouldn't have to go through League One. No, but Premier League teams are much better suited to being successful in other European top flights than they are the Championship. They'd win the Portuguese League. They would. If I were Mourinho to Benfica, he wouldn't have that, would he? On the final day. On the final day. Exactly. Send the big man up. But my point being that the championship would provide such a different challenge. Yeah, yeah. It would, but I mean... I mean, but if you're saying Thomas Frank, are we seriously saying that this current Spurs team wouldn't win the championship?

31:07I think the championship would suit Spurs under Frank because it's Frank and he would... They're being pragmatic and playing sort of simple stuff. The Spurs fans would have to kind of do away with the ideology a bit. well I mean they've had to do that against the will and players always play to the level they're at by the way yeah I think we've spent too much time on this question I didn't put it in but you read it out I was asked to read it don't suddenly say that you're not in this mucky mess like the rest of us I am I got a load of stick this week for hating on Spurs too much and it's not going to help is it well which league do you think they're best suited at the Premier League you just had to remind me they'd probably win League One no I said they definitely would but they wouldn't win the Scottish Premiership Vish, next question Ask it The next question comes from Smith's Cabana on Instagram Amazing name If all the Premier League teams cloned one player and then played with a starting 11 of only those clones who wins the league?

32:02Spurs And who are they cloning? Archie Gray Plays everywhere, the lad Plays everywhere West Ham with the Darmot Royal, right? There's a bat of teams Oh, that's two dreadful suggestions Two players that can't use the ball at all You don't need to when you've got that. They'd be like Stormtroop, although Stormtroops can't shoot. It works. The analogy works. Yeah. Good. I think you'd probably have to, you basically have to look for the most complete player in the Premier League and then work out what club he's at. Tom Kearney. Again, poor suggestion. It's not a poor suggestion. It's a better suggestion.

32:34He doesn't even play. He came on against Man United. Morgan Gibbs-White? No. I don't think he'd be defensively. I don't think he'd be defensively. He is. He works hard. No, you'd be better off with Morgan Rogers. Yeah. Yeah. famously defensive I think the answer is probably James Milner probably too old too old now yeah what year are we doing oh okay so we can go back to an era all I'm saying is James Milner Bobby Moore waste of James Milner James Milner couldn't run could he is trying to is trying to break Gareth Barry's Premier League appearance record if he was cloned he'd do that much quicker he would he'd be rationing up 11 appearances per game Joel Linton not a terrible shout no not a bad shout Well, the Tonali would be a better shout.

33:17Guys, the answer is Liverpool and Dominic Saboslay is the answer. He is the best all-round player in the Premier League. What about Declan Rice? Yeah, that's also a good answer. Thank goodness we don't have to give it to Luke. Declan Rice isn't... Yeah, that's probably a really good one as well. Yeah, that is a good one. But Saboslay is simply so versatile. Rodri. No, he's not versatile, though, Rodri. And he's crap now. They're all crap. I told you. He's complaining about fouls all the time. Oh, since my knee got broke, I don't want to be fouled anymore. I think it's outrageous

33:51too much football yeah Sir Bozla another Ballon d 'Or please Sir Bozla Sir Bozla is a great answer yeah Real Madrid have not voted you for this Declan Rice is a good one Declan Rice is also a good one who'd be the worst player to club imagine if West Ham have clubed full crook yeah an absent player would be would be a bad choice most of the time like good news everyone West Ham's trade girl we're out to club just one player right who have you chosen and then 11 Falkrooads walk out. Why have you chosen him? Some woman made a mistake on the computer. Got Jared Bowen over there in the corner crying.

34:22It was that woman at Swinton Town. She did it wrong on the portal. I told her to do Jared Bowen, but it turned out it was... Now Falkrooads are going to take over the world. Bowen's not a terrible show. Have you cloned Falkrooads? He's not been seen at the train and grab for six months. Have you raised the clone here? How'd you get him in the machine? Oh no, someone but flying it at the same time. He's vomiting over all the food in the canteen. Oh, dear. Jarrod Bowen's legs have disintegrated. The simple answer is that Sir Boslow or Rice are better than Bowen because there's a few positions you can't imagine Bowen in.

34:54I know what you mean. I don't think there's any positions you can't imagine Rice or Sir Boslow in. Up front. No, I think they'd both be fine up front. Good ball strikers, yeah. Yeah. All right, okay. Yeah. So there's your answer, Smith's Cabana. One of them. If that is your real name, which I highly doubt. Why? Final question. Let's go. We've done enough on this. Let's get going. Angus Morrissey asked this on Instagram. What's the best pub Vish went to in Australia? How long have you got? The blokes are pissing. Fucking hell. I've limited it to two. A load of people actually asked, they also asked about your A-League experience.

35:30Oh, brilliant. And then it was a supplementary question from CJ Burnham, which we'll come to in a moment. So best pub you went to in Australia? Two answers. The Marquee of Lawn in Fitzroy, Melbourne, and the Exeter Hotel in Adelaide. What about the walkabout? The hotel. so there were pubs in Australia called hotels oh I wondered if you and Peter Reid were getting the answer is walkabout Sheppard's Bush yes not there anymore it's not there anymore oh it's not been there for years that's a shame it's a big fancy hotel now it was a massive walkabout the walkabout in Sheppard's Bush in West London was like the unofficial Australian embassy it was mecca it was yeah like any Aussie they would go there and they were like I've turned up we're just a bag I don't have a job I don't have a place to stay you come out you've got a gleaming CV you've got the job you've got housemates the whole lot It was an institution, that place.

36:15And that's why we closed it down. Yeah. But it's interesting, isn't it? Because the biggest number of illegal immigrants in the United Kingdom... Yeah. We're at that place. ...are basically Australians overstaying their visa. And I've never heard Tommy Robinson mention them once. Ever. Why are you mentioning him on the show? It doesn't fit into his agenda. And that's what I'm saying. You've got to call out... If you want to call out problem nationalities, call out Australians. Once again. How have you done that? That's what I'm saying. You've used Tommy Robinson to make a point there. Yeah. Hang your head.

36:44Talk about... Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, remember? Yeah, his proper name. What A-League games did you go to? So I only went to one. I went to Melbourne Victory against Wellington Phoenix. Score? The score was 4-5-1. Doesn't even remember. Yeah, doesn't remember. No, no, it was a great game. Left before the end. Proper fans, Melbourne Victory have proper football fans. They are a great club. One Matter was playing for Melbourne Victory. That's nice. Define proper football fans. Yeah. Anybody throw anything? No, but there was... So basically England were playing Australia in Melbourne. The game only lasted two days.

37:16Two days later, Melbourne victory were played. And so the Barmy Army, who are kind of England's official supporters group, who not everyone's cup of tea. They're wankers, aren't they? They're usually quite praised. They're like Scottish football fans. Joe Root has a stake in the Barmy Army, so he praises them every now and again. I see. Funny world cricket. Yeah, that is weird. So the Barmy Army went to sit with the Wellington Phoenix fans because they were not Australian from New Zealand and were trying to sing their own songs. And the Melbourne Victory response was so good that they basically shut them up within half an hour.

37:51Nice. Songs like We Get to Live Here, You Have to Go Home, We Won the Ashes, Now Fuck Off Home. It's all very confrontational stuff. Yeah, but having been goaded by the Barmy Army, they kind of shut them down and then focused on the game. It all seems very unpleasant to me. CJ Burnham asked, who is the Zach Crawley of football? Answer this quickly because a lot of people won't know who Zach Crawley is. Who is the biggest Neppo baby? Brooklyn Beckham. Hang on, so Zach Crawley. Brooklyn Beckham's obviously not had a football career, but then Zach Crawley shouldn't have had a cricket career. Yes, Darren Ferg is a great one.

38:27Yeah, great one. Neppo baby, promoted way above his station, not good enough, but being protected by the establishment. And that's me saying that so Vish doesn't get in trouble. but that is also what Vish thinks when he gets going he's a good player to watch much like Darren Ferguson it ain't me ask Roy Keane it ain't me thanks for listening to the Football Ramble part of the ACAST Creator Network please do send us your responses opinions and questions for next week's mailbag and become a friend of the Ramble to join the conversation on our Discord yeah do get in touch particularly if you're an Australian that's overstayed your visa love to hear how do you get on with things can you go to the doctor do you have to do cash and hand work what is it Also, are you a basketball bowler?

39:05Because my club are looking for a new overseas. There we go. There we go. See you tomorrow.

39:18The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.