Mouseball

0:00Bye-bye, bad-man, and welcome to the Football Ramble. some football admin and hopefully a bit of blue for the dads. It's Wednesday the 8th of October. I'm Luke Moore. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm the Lucian Hunter-Raja.

0:24Yeah, Marcus is gallivanting somewhere. Pete is still on holiday so it's time for third choice goalkeeper Luke Moore to host the show. So I feel a bit like a bit like Selly Lamons, a bit like Tom Heaton, actually. Yeah. Like the same age as Tom Heaton as well. Yeah. Because of the sort of crumbling nature of this institution. Yeah, absolutely. And there's myself everywhere. More on that later. Think of this like a really, really inconvenient League Cup tie and I've been given a start. That's how I would see it. Well, having looked at the running order, this feels a bit like a counselling session run by my own bully.

0:55Oh, yeah. So we won't be here long looking at this running order. So don't worry too much about it. Before we get into it, though, thanks to friend of the Ramble, Craig Brown, hopefully not the late, great Craig Brown, giving us a line from beyond the grave of a Stone Roses song, which would be confusing, for giving us that intro line. If you want to submit an intro line for a future episode, then you can, of course, do that by becoming a friend of the Ramble. You sign up for just$5 a month. You'll also get an extended edition of today's show. Yeah, coming up later, Ramblin' Cut. Last week on Rumble Uncut, Vish told us why his brother once bit a rabbit, I think, from memory.

1:32Just remind us very quickly in a sentence why that happened. Rabbit bit my brother, brother bit the rabbit. Fair enough. You weren't offering any kind of financial incentive for him doing it? No, no, no. To either of them? Not at all. Well, in hindsight, should have done. He did have another rabbit as well. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of stuff you can look forward to on Rumble Uncut later. Head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble and join the literally thousands of others as part of that extended Ramble community that we just genuinely do respect a lot more. Patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get involved now.

2:02Right, it's International Week. There's no Premier League to talk about. There's not even really any international football to talk about yet. So I am going to deliver you guys a headline that goes like this. And it's one for the nerds. It's one for the boffins. You're just going to have to get involved. UEFA give green light to domestic games abroad. in a landmark ruling UEFA have approved plans to allow domestic games across European leagues to be played abroad now this relates specifically to Villarreal and Barcelona facing each other in Miami in December and AC Milan playing Como in Perth, Australia I think shortly after that UEFA have approved plans for this to happen now the devil's in the detail here before I bring you guys in because UEFA are saying they're opposed to this happening domestic league games happening abroad, but they've had to approve it because there's no legal framework provided by FIFA to stop it.

2:59So what they're saying is if they rejected these requests, there could be a legal challenge. If UEFA then lose the legal challenge, it could set a precedent for domestic games to happen wherever they want, whenever they want, and they don't want to do that. So they've reluctantly approved this to happen in lieu of some proper legislation coming presumably at a later date. Are you with me so far? Yes. We're all together. Okay. What do you think about this, Jim? Well, I think what's interesting about it is that it looks like UEFA are going to reluctantly let these two games happen and then try everything they can to make sure it's impossible for it to ever happen again.

3:33That seems to be sort of between the lines what's in there. They've not quite kind of stated it that explicitly. You could get the t-shirt saying, I was there when Villarreal played Barcelona in Miami. Probably collector's item. It sounds like a mad lib, doesn't it? It does a bit, yeah. AC Milan, Como in Perth, Australia. Why not? Absolutely just baffling decisions around all that. in the way for headquarters. Comar, I've got some good news and some bad news. Well, I mean, I suppose if we cut straight to the actual kind of sporting impact of that, all of those teams are a huge disadvantage with such a, particularly the Serie A teams with a journey to essentially the other side of the world mid-season, which nobody else will suffer from.

4:14Unless they're playing in the conference league, probably. Well, yeah. Yeah. And that is, that's a kind of unique and new problem, right? Because the idea is that everyone's on a level playing field. And in a sporting sense, these two teams are massively hampered. Now, I presume that they will benefit from it financially to some degree, but that's not the same thing, is it? And so the integrity of the whole thing is ludicrous straight away. I'm sure there are going to be a lot of people who kind of sort of immediately get on board with anything that's vaguely sort of disruptor-shaped and say, oh, well, actually, what's so bad about it?

4:50but I think straight away you're undermining the kind of consistency of your own league by doing that. So I understand why UEFA want to resist that. But do you think they actually do want to resist it or do you think they're just playing both sides and trying to be the good guys? I think they have messed up a little bit as I was presenting that they're trying to resist it because it's a bit like the Death Star. It's like this incredible, impressive, moon-like structure but please don't shoot in that little hole over there. Yeah. Because, I mean, they've shown their hand when they probably haven't needed to, because this is all stems from something that arose a year ago with a company called Relevant Sports, who's owned by the owner of the Miami Dolphins, Stephen Ross, who was in a legal battle with the US Soccer Federation and FIFA about trying to host matches in the US.

5:43And so because of that, FIFA and UEFA, by proxy, basically had a year to try and work out if there are any loopholes and what they might need to do to change them and they haven't done that. And is this but is this happening because and I think I know the answer to this but I'll just put it as a question anyway because I'm the host today so it's a luxury I've got people don't got to listen to me boring on they think this is because say Serie A but particularly La Liga are essentially super jealous of the export value of the Premier League right? I think it's a fact for sure. They can't compete with the revenues and the impact the Premier League has so they're looking to do things like this to shore up their support and their fandom in other parts of the world.

6:31Now of course the Premier League are rapacious as they come so they want to do it as well for their own kind of ends. Well they're currently saying they don't want to do that. Sure but they try to do it in the past. They try to do it in the past. And so this is why this is happening and UEFA I'm not trying to sound sympathetic to UEFA I'm just wondering if UEFA are thinking right how do we how do we actually stop this if there's no precedent there's no legislation in place because what I would also say is that we have a situation where I feel like it's an open and shut thing which is if you are a wealthy owner of a club right and I know Barcelona's ownership is slightly different so maybe you do use a Premier League or actually you could use Milan because they're kind of owned in a different way to Barcelona in a kind of traditional kind of way I suppose as it's become you should have to absolutely understand that although it would be nice to do this, the same way it would be nice to do a lot of things, you're a Serie A club.

7:24This is the start and finish of it. This happens in Italy. This is the Italian league. Now, I know it's nice to have all those potential revenues over there, but this is what you signed up for, so stop fucking about. That would be the open and shut thing I would say, but then of course there's probably freedom of trade and kind of restrictions and stuff legally that means it's not quite as simple as that. This appears to be the case, doesn't it, that essentially FIFA more so than UEFA kind of didn't think to put anything in place to protect this possibly because obviously UEFA are more responsible for club competition and there's a lot of tension between them at the moment the worrying thing about the precedent that this is setting despite what Seferin says about it not being a precedent because it demonstrably is the very definition of a precedent really is that the onus does appear way more on FIFA to close these loopholes and do something about it and be proactive about it than it does with UEFA.

8:19I think I do believe UEFA or certainly Seferin in his opposition to this because it's consistent with a lot of his attitude towards FIFA. But we know what FIFA are basically just vampires that feed on money and have no care for so much of the integrity of the sport. That's how it certainly feels like when they're at their worst, doesn't it? So I wonder if in their kind of consistent commitment to the idea of growth at all costs, regardless of what you lose in these attempts to grow the sport that's already the biggest sport in the world all over the world, they might think, actually, yeah, I mean, this is fun.

9:01let's keep that loophole open or not necessarily even have it as a loophole but just decide that we are going to allow this in future and then that creates a whole host of unknowns doesn't it I mean that in theory then means that any game can be played anywhere and that's obviously not going to be the case you're not going to have teams turning into like a travelling circus where they're sort of Harlem Globetrotters where they never play in their own country like that worst case scenario is extremely unlikely to happen the Maynard fans will be up for that well yeah If you could sign up now to never playing a game in England ever again, would you be up for it?

9:36Provided it wasn't on TV, yeah. Or actually, if they played in Perth, it would be through the night, wouldn't it? So you'd be fine. The shame, as I live my life, the shame is contained within the hours of 2am and 4am, which is actually Perth prime time. Well, you do have got a lot of shameful stuff at that time of the night normally anyway. Well, he's too busy. It's fine, it's win-win. But it opens up all these unknowns, doesn't it? like can clubs say no to it? What happens if a club doesn't want to do it? Like Real Madrid are opposing it at the moment. Obviously we know how fickle the wind can be, the particular wind that they blow can be, depending on whether it benefits them or not.

10:11But, you know, if a club doesn't want to do this, what happens then? Also, what's the revenue share model as well? And is it worth the sporting cost? Finally someone asking that question. Well, no, because that will ultimately set a precedent, wouldn't it? Because one of the reasons we've seen the NBA and NFL host regular season games outside the country is because everyone in that league is more than happy to do it or more than happy to go over there and play, for example, their road games, quote-unquote, because, say, I think it's the Jacksonville Jaguars, play their home games at Tottenham or Wembley, for example.

10:44They're more than happy to do that because they all get an equal share of whatever money they make from hosting those games overseas. And recently there was one in Ireland, I think. So they've done Germany and the UK as well. football doesn't work like that and specifically in La Liga as well where essentially the clubs are out for themselves because of the stranglehold that the likes of Real Madrid and Barcelona have on their TV revenue you know, are Como going to see the same amount as Milan? Almost certainly not. Girona, I mean, good luck. I suppose they probably don't need it with all the City cash.

11:21Are the people of... It's Barcelona playing VRL, not Girona. Oh, so. And are the people of Miami happy to come out and see Nicolas Pepe. Yes. You know, it's not really about that, is it? It's backfired. Yeah. Ah, we're looking forward to this. To care to him, he's doing well, but you know what I mean. So the reason I mentioned Girona is because I've got it written here that FIFA had previously blocked a request from Relevant Sport I mentioned before to stage a match in Miami between Barcelona and Girona back in 2018. Right. Well, when was the 39th game? That was a real while ago now. It was a long time ago.

11:50Was it 2008? Something like that? I think, I understand why people make the comparisons between the American sports and football. In this particular case, for the reasons you've partly stated already, Vish, I don't think it's that helpful. I think the US have acknowledged, first of all, it's a completely different sporting culture anyway, but they've also acknowledged that they're such an insular sport that they have a, in the modern world, they have a kind of duty to kind of maximise what's potential for them. It's almost the opposite, isn't it? There's an element of excitement taking that around the world because of the insular nature of it.

12:20I don't know, maybe American listeners will probably tell us we're talking absolute nonsense, which wouldn't be the first time. But I do think the culture, the sporting culture is just different. I think we could probably at least say that. But on this one, it does feel, again, to use the phrase, I always use the price of everything, the value of nothing. And sometimes people will occupy a kind of devil's advocate position where they'll say to, for example, you guys, well, if there's a load of really passionate supporters of Barcelona and Mexico City, for example, or Miami, why shouldn't they get to watch their team?

12:51And that's an argument people roll out there, isn't it? Why shouldn't Man United fans in China get a chance to watch a proper league game in China? And at the risk of sounding like I'm pulling the drawbridge up and being elitist about it, well, you chose to support Man United. They play in Manchester. You didn't choose to support a Chinese team. You chose to support Man United. It wasn't inherently part of the trade-off that at some point you would get a game, a competitive game in China, right? So I don't think that necessarily stands up as an argument either. I don't know what you guys think.

13:24I'd love to be in a Martin Scorsese movie. But that doesn't mean everybody should move heaven and earth to allow that for me. No, I think you're right. I think he should make a movie and reign in it. Finally, so Jim... There's actually a lot of drama going on there at the moment. There's a toxic waste fire that's been on fire for about 20 years. Oh, yes. A lot of drama going on there. It's more of a walk-in I had so far. It might be a bit more like Ken Loach might lead. Yeah. But it's a start. Are you looking for a walk-on or a main part? No, I want a main part. Everyone else is going to have to work around me to make me look good.

13:56Use your story, Ian. But this is kind of it, right? That started off as a ridiculous comparison, but the idea of kind of shunting whole institutions to different continents in the middle of a league season where that massively, massively impacts them in a negative way is verging on absurd. Anything more from you on this, Vish, before I move on to slightly related, but nevertheless equally as depressing news? No, I mean, I wouldn't mind being in the Kevin Smith film. Yeah. That's probably more my vibe. Yeah. If that's, yeah, a remake of More Rats, I'll be all over that. Nice. You could be... Old Trafford mice.

14:30Didn't Alanis Morissette play God in Dogma? She did. She did, yeah. You could probably do that job if you wanted. Like the Burger King, man, I'll do that. She's still very good, Alanis Morissette. Yeah, I've heard, yeah. Absolutely amazing. Must be great. Anyway, I think... We're digressing here, even for us. I'd love to be Alanis Morissette. Listen, you've been jilted by enough lovers, haven't you? Yeah, get over it, love. we'll be dumped there's another way to look at this it's not ironic leave it the other way to look at this is obviously Vish you and I we support big Premier League clubs sometimes you drop an absolute fortune on a player and that's really really exciting and it's fun Pepe for example yeah exactly Nicholas Pepe on the day that was excellent but it's a really exciting feeling and that's only possible because of the massive revenues that the Premier League bring in so it could be the case that if the Premier League is smart about this we could start playing games in Spain how do you like this just sort of encroach on everyone else's territory just play a game in Munich like a modern oh we run things differently oh we're not so stupid we spend that much on it well to mother we're coming for your money as well you've got a real be in your bonnet about Bayern Munich still as an Arsenal fan it's kind of subconscious actually I can almost feel my ancestors going to turn in the idea of an even bigger, richer British empire.

15:53And I'm all for it. Just based around football. Well, they made the football kickoff on time. Hey, see what you like about them. That'll be the new refrain. All right. It's boring and it's depressing and you've got to talk about it. But speaking of which, in slightly related news and something that does also threaten to tear at the very fabric of the sport that we all love, which is why it's off the back of the last story. Amman manager Carlos Quiros, formerly of Alex Ferguson's delicious teat at Man United, for those who listen regularly and remember. And presumably Florentino Perez's teat at Real Madrid.

16:26I'd like to know which teat he preferred. Presumably it's Ferguson's, more loving, less transactional. I thought you meant left or right. Oh yeah, yeah. No, I just think Ferguson's would have been less transactional as a teat for him to suck along compared to Perez. Yeah, Perez is very, very short-term benefit. Yeah. Whereas I think Ferguson would nourish you for a lot longer. Absolutely. I think there's a chance now that if Carlos Quiroz went back to Alex Ferguson's home, knocked on the door at a convenient time, Ferguson might give him another little suck. Yeah, from his favourite chair. And his favourite nipple.

17:00Anyway, Carlos Quiroz has raised concerns over the 72-year-old Carlos Quiroz, we've just done dirty there, has raised concerns over the favourable match conditions given to Saudi Arabia and Qatar in their Asian Football Confederation World Cup qualifiers. Now, do you guys have any idea just the absolute intensity of the AFC qualification process for the World Cup? If you don't, I'm just going to give you a little round there. AFC qualification is five rounds long and then an inter-confederation playoff. The campaign for some of these teams who are members of the AFC started in October 2023. It's essentially a tournament in itself, isn't it?

17:42Basically, yeah. And we're now going into the most recent phase in which two teams, I think, can qualify automatically and two can go into the Sinti Confederation playoff. Now, inexplicably, and for no reason been given whatsoever, Saudi Arabia and Qatar have been handed home advantage for their games in the two mini-groups. As I said, the winners of each qualify. The decision was announced in June without revealing any selection criteria. Indonesia, Iraq, Oman and the UAE expressed interest in hosting themselves themselves or have requested neutral venues and have also asked for transparency and fairness in the decision-making process, none of which has been forthcoming.

18:18In addition to Saudi Arabia automatically being given host status for their games, they've also been given six days between the games while their opponents in some cases have had to play within 72 hours of their first game. Carlos Kuros said, what can we say? We have to play at the home of one of the teams that's competing. They put the Saudis in Saudi and the Qataris in Qatar. If they can't see that something's wrong with this, then who are the players and coaches to make comments? Basically what he's saying is this fucking whole thing stinks to high heaven, especially given that Saudi and Qatar have put a huge amount of money in FIFA's coffers in terms of hosting events and all the rest of it.

18:51I mean, it's remarkable how much, if anything, the lesson can be learned from the fact that Gianni Infantino is spending a lot of time with Donald Trump. It's just that you can do this stuff in plain sight and just not care that anyone notices. It's incredible that such a lack of transparency can make things actually very clear. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. There's more to this as well. So Indonesia have written to FIFA and the AFC about this because the referee in their game against Saudi Arabia is from Kuwait. And they've said, we want a referee who is truly neutral, possibly from Europe or somewhere else.

19:30Someone who has no stake in the region. On top of that, Indonesia were due to play Kuwait in a friending on the 5th of September, but that was just cancelled without a reason. Just no reason given. So their preparations have been entirely disrupted as well essentially from another team in the region. And it's just, it's astonishing. Vish, is it beneath FIFA to essentially try to engineer for two of their favoured nations, Qatar and Saudi Arabia, to qualify for the World Cup next year at all costs? I'm more in keeping with Jim's idea. that I appreciate the clearness of the lack of transparency.

20:07Because even, I think a month before it was actually announced, journalists in the region were reporting that it's just going to be in Qatar and Saudi Arabia. We know that to be true. You know what it reminds me of? It's when the two Russian fellows from the Salisbury poisoning did that interview and they were asked about it. Did you come over here and poison British citizens on British soil? and they were like, no. No, we were just here for the cathedrals. No. Jim's nodding there for our audio listeners and throwing the two fingers up. So in other sports, it is quite common for qualifiers like this to be held in one country.

20:48So it's self-contained and over and done with as quickly as possible. But the nefariousness of holding it in two countries, each of those countries, the front runners, certainly as far as the teams and countries and organisations that you want to pander to. One who've recently had a World Cup and one who have got one coming up. You haven't had to qualify for the last one and you won't have to qualify for the next one. So make the effort for this one. That's what I'd be saying. Yeah, exactly. Go on, show us how much money you've really got. How many players are you going to naturalise now? I hate it when there's no football because it really does make us come face to face with all the terrible shit that's happening in the background like a kind of static-y anxiety when you could just put it off a bit because there's an amazing Premier League game happening or something, but we have to go face-to-face with the demons on weeks like this.

21:36I don't want to visit Rwanda. I was going to go cleaning the oven, but Rwanda's better. It's wholly depressing, isn't it? Wholly depressing. I feel sorry for Carlos Quiroz. He's got a good record at getting teams to qualify for the World Cup. He said himself, if he gets Oman there, it'll be his biggest achievement, certainly in international football, of course. I think he's going to struggle for the reasons that he stated. But yeah, poor old Carlos and Oman, and also poor old Indonesia, Iraq, and the UAE as well. Which you wouldn't find me saying in many other contexts. Yeah, quite. Is this proof that FIFA will do anything to get Harvey Renard at a tournament?

22:13Because he's current Saudi Arabia manager. He is. He doesn't need the help. He's got a huge amount of success on his belt, Jim. Wow. Seems like he's getting the help. He's getting it regardless. It's a great amount of pretty privilege that we're like, oh, he's nice, isn't he? Yeah, exactly. It's pretty good to have him there. He just flicked his hair and they went home game. Yeah. Simple as that. All right. Coming up after this, no more teenage wasteland for Nico O 'Reilly.

22:47Okay. Just a final question then. And I suspect you'll say this isn't within your job, Rima, either. But should Kaio Saka be nailed on in Gareth Southgate starting 11 at the World Cup? Oh, I would hope so. It's not within my remit, but if it was within my remit, absolutely yes. Who are you playing with him up front then? Oh, for England, I don't know who we'd put up front with him.

23:11Well, I mean... Kane is an obvious kind of starting point. I'm just thinking... No, Kane and Saka, I mean, they do... I'm just trying to think of the formulation. Probably Kane and Saka does work best, yeah. it's like listening to an episode of this show isn't it? Yeah well Jack's Encyclopedia specifically. The thing about that is, that's Keir Starmer for anyone listening who doesn't quite know, it wasn't Zippy from Rainbow he likes football he actually likes football that's the mad thing about it, yeah he's just convinced himself that there's a wrong answer there when there isn't. Yeah, so frightened all the time of everything so it's very much like the Ramble guys welcome back to the Football Ramble, Vish, Jim with me here today England squad update I didn't get a chance to talk about the England squad last week because I was away and you guys did it on an exclusive YouTube video which I bloody enjoyed but the news is that Nico O 'Reilly of the Manchester City parish has been handed his first call up to the England senior side in news that will surprise absolutely no one hitherto uncontacted trimes in the Amazon rainforest will not be surprised and at least James has been drawn from a squad through injury you know what the injury is though it's a shin injury a shin gash shin gash is new yeah well it's quite encouraging because it's like it's a flesh injury rather than like a joint or muscle injury yeah I see what you're going with there but it does sound it sounds like one of the worst injuries yes yeah a gash a flesh wound gash sounds worse it weirdly sounds worse than an ACL it does because anything can be explained away with initialisms or acronyms you know but shin gash does sound bad we wish Rhys James all the best of course now the 6 foot 4 O 'Reilly started his career as kind of some kind of attacking midfielder a kind of hybrid midfielder type player, but has been converted into a left back by Pep Guardiola because of course he fucking has.

24:56He's kind of, obviously he came onto the scene last season, played a lot of cup games, but he's really started to properly break through at Man City now, hasn't he? Started seven of City's games this season across all competitions. And so he's been called up. Thoughts, gents? I think it's quite exciting. I think he's earned it as well. And I think his profile as an attacking midfielder, I don't think it's over because he has got such sort of quality on the ball and his attacking contributions to Man City have been really good. I thought he was really good against Arsenal at the Emirates despite him taking two throws that didn't actually make it onto the pitch, which was quite weird.

25:31That's a testament of how I am. Probably someone else doing that. But yeah, he's very, very good otherwise. It's interesting how left-back does seem to be an incubator position for a lot of very good players. Gareth Bale, Pakao Saka, Bastin Schweinsteiger all started as left-backs, which seems ridiculous now. And he does look like the sort of profile to me where this is very much a temporary solution to sort of get him into the team. But yeah, I think he's earned it. I really, really do. I think he's not looked out of place in that position while also looking like it's not the place that he's going to settle.

25:59And I think he's a really sort of technically competent and already quite mature player. Yeah, I think he's outstanding. I think if he was playing for any other side where he was getting more consistent game time, I reckon he'd already be in an England squad. The irony there being that it probably wouldn't be as a left back because he would be entrusted. Well, he would have the opportunity to play in a more natural position or certainly the position he played growing up and he was reared in. He has everything, I think. Like his composure on the ball amid all the technical excellence is one of a kind, really.

26:38And it's interesting you mentioned the breeding ground of left back because it does feel slightly different for him in particular because the system that he's playing in And probably the reason why Guardiola was like, you can be left back is not just because he's left footed, but because left backs of Man City have to be able to play in the centre of midfield. Kind of in that mark of Skelly role. I suppose, yeah, Skelly would be a recent example of that as well, wouldn't he? And similar, but will probably be very likely to not be a left back for all of his career, you would expect. and you know you do wonder if because of the way other teams are playing at the sharp end of you know club and international football if that is just the way it is now you know you could even look at Soboslai Liverpool to a point like he's got to kind of move the other way by design because of Alexander-Arnold's move from Liverpool but they want that a midfielder someone who's capable of breaking lines with passes but also carrying the ball forward to be that position from deep and almost not be picked up when they're able to assume that position when his team has the ball.

27:47I think he should already be going to the World Cup, if that's not too mad to say, because I think he is that good. I don't think it's a position that England are particularly well stocked in, particularly with Lewis Hall's injury, who I think is a very consistent player. but yeah I wouldn't be surprised if Tuchel gets him on the training ground and he's like this guy's class you're gonna stay here he's not the tallest left back in the squad of course only worries about his height imagine if we put him on top of Dan Byrne you've got like you've got Miles Lewis Skelly then Nico O 'Reilly and then Dan Byrne it's like that Monty Python sketch with the working class the middle class and the upper class person and all different heights that's basically what I couldn't get out of my mind when I saw that he got called up I did enjoy all your points about how good a player he is though, Bishop, which I entirely agree.

28:35So Boslai's a really interesting one because he's like a Swiss army knife. They've had to accommodate different things because of injuries and unavailability of players and stuff like that. So Boslai's been right back. He's been in the middle of midfield. He's played in the hole as well for Liverpool. And I think it is just part of a wider trend, isn't it? For players just being flexible because systems are so different now and all the rest of it. So I think he's well worth his call up. I think you said he was technically competent earlier, Jim. I think it's probably doing him a bit of a disservice.

29:02I think he's a lot more technically proficient than that. I just meant across the board in terms of his positional sense. So I don't think he's a natural left back, but he's playing there and he looks like one. He doesn't even try to hide it, does he? No, he doesn't. Don't even hide it anymore. The contempt. And then also, we do also understand that Thomas Tuchel is applying quite an avant-garde approach to picking squads at the moment. So perhaps we shouldn't be too surprised. One player left out of the England squad, though, through injury is Cole Palmer. but the good news for Cole is it's been confirmed that he's now successfully trademarked the term Cold Palmer with the UK government's intellectual property office.

29:37It means no one can use Palmer's Cold nickname for commercial purposes without his permission. So a bit more detail on this because it genuinely is absolutely incredible. Palmer's application includes a list of products he intends to sell using the trademarked term including, but not limited to, soaps, bath salts, food snacks, razor blades, mobile phone covers, drones. Drones is amazing. Underwater vehicles, stationery, toys, Christmas crackers and teddy bears. Now, before we bring you guys in, I'm going to give him teddy bears, toys, stationery, mobile phone covers seems fine, food snacks at a stretch seems fine.

30:20I think we have to depart at drones and underwater vehicles given the state of the world at the moment. Yeah, soaps and bath salts are also quite weird. I'm presuming that's not the drug bath salts, but who knows? Because Carl Palmer, I don't think there's ever been a footballer who's sort of more like a side character in Arrested Development. Just baffling decisions left, right and centre and all of them kind of really funny. Underwater vehicles, what is that about? I don't know. Does he mean like tiny sort of remote control submarines? Sort of like an underwater version of a drone? That's kind of the, that's where my mind goes on that.

30:54It feels to me that they've just said to Cole, what do you want to do with this, Cole? And he's just gone, submarine. Yeah, absolutely. What haven't I got? Submarine. Food. I like food. Cool. But you know what? I watched a donkey. Razorblaze? Where does that come in? I watched it. It's the best a man can get. Hang on. He was just on the phone in his bathroom, wasn't he? Yes, looking around. When this happened. And he likes Christmas. Little toy submarine in his bath. Oh, my teddy bear's wet. A lot of this is bath related. Do you know what? I watched a documentary called Enemy in the Woods on the iPlayer, and it's fucking horrible, but it's amazing, and it's about a load of Ukrainian soldiers in that tragic conflict in Ukraine, defending the line against Russian drones, and it's honestly like a Black Mirror episode, but it's real, right?

31:42And I genuinely think the only thing that could make it more depressing is if somehow someone was killed by a Cold Palmer branded drones. I mean, for goodness sake. On Friday, Marcus, Vish and Jim spoke about the England squad at length over on the YouTube channel, as I mentioned. To check that out, do go and search Football Ramble on YouTube or hit the link in the show notes. And hit subscribe while you're there as well to make sure you never miss a video. I really enjoyed it. I wish I was part of it, which for me is the barometer of how much I enjoy something or not. So there we go. All right, coming up after this, a rodent has been spotted at Old Trafford.

32:27on to the main event Vish strap yourself in lock the doors everyone he's not going anywhere during Manchester United's game against Sunderland on Saturday a Sunderland fan spotted a mouse in the away end and caught it in a plastic cup there really is no other way of saying that so I'm just going to hand straight over to you Vish I saw the photos it was horrific the lady looked genuinely quite upset would you like to speak on behalf of the club and apologise to her directly? No, I won't be apologising. I will be doing my best Starmer impersonation. I think fundamentally... Well, you want to play the mouse up top with Harry Kane?

33:08Well, the funny thing about this, well, certainly like what Ineos have done since they've come into Manchester United is that it's almost like they've watched Moneyball and... And not emptied the bins. Well, yeah. And just like taken... Well, what's Moneyball not really got the underlying point behind it? I should have read the book on what Moneyball actually entails. Yeah, I love that bit about Billy Bean. Billy, can I just have a quick word? I love that bit about you letting the mice run everywhere. That was brilliant. But yeah, totally. Just not really understanding that to find value where they haven't previously looked for value, it isn't just pertaining to completely cutting costs and to believing you're making it up in the aggregate when you're just making a succession of really poor short-term decisions.

33:54And when I saw that photo, I thought, fucking hell, he's watched Ratatouille as well. We don't need to train our chefs. Forget a little rodent in the hat. Just one chef? Yeah. You enjoyed them showing Ratatouille in the concourse at Anfield. Would you like the real live-action version at Old Trafford? What's happened with the guard? Oh, and it's run up his leg. Yeah. Well, another way to look at it is Everton visit Old Trafford on the 24th of November. Jack Grealish is in very good form. The idea that mouse is everywhere will put him off his game. He's very, very frightened specifically of mouse.

34:36What are you frightened of, Jack? Mouse. Rodents. What? Yeah. Timeless. I think Tuchel has got the scales weighing up there. He's looked at one hand and he's gone. Four Premier League assists already. Started really well. On the other hand, mouse. scared of mouse it's like it's like a Roy Keane trying to say Robbie Savage I can't be I can't be I think it's like that look it is funny it is objectively funny and it will never not be funny that Man United are in this state but we should be mindful at least of the fact that you know these allegations that quote unquote toilets have been left unclean and bins unemptied there's also been reports that all those who wear club tracksuits with the exception of players and first team staff now have to wash their own kit staff shortages is the reason for all this stuff and we should be mindful of the fact the reason they're staff shortages is because a lot of hardworking people who care a lot about their job and care a lot about the club have lost their job.

35:28But you know, there's talk as well that an under 13s team may not have to borrow socks and shorts from Everton in order to fulfill their fixture last week as well. I mean, it's baffling beyond belief that anyone connected with the ownership of the club thinks this is at the very least not going to completely undermine any cost saving measure because the fucking negative implications from the PR point of view of how much of a laugh has stopped they're becoming. Well, whenever any organisation cuts costs in the way that Manchester United have, there are naturally going to be gaps around expertise and also just day-to-day, the day-to-day running of any organisation.

36:04And so, you know, little things like the, well, they're not little things, but I think it was last month that the women's team travelled and lost their boots, forgot their boots, so staff had to go out to a local shop and buy like 15 pairs of boots and the women's team have been tremendously disrespected from day one by Jim Radcliffe not just financially but also philosophically and mentally as well well he said he's been on the record about his how he doesn't feel they're relevant to the Manchester United that he perceives the Manchester United that he has bought essentially yeah I mean and he seems unwilling to correct that on the record as well he's been very consistent in his kind of indifference to them with all the I don't really think it's indifference.

36:49I think it's just a superiority and stubbornness befitting of a man who's that rich and that out of touch with what this actually means to people, you know? That's why it's so... I mean, it's funny. You have to wear two hats doing this show because it is, like I said, it is actually funny. But it's also underpinned, like all great comedies, with a real soupçon of tragedy underneath it as well. And affecting real people's lives. With the exception of Vish, who I don't actually care about, I think he should take his medicine honourably. I mean, I'm not in favour of any of this. No, no, you're not.

37:19Yeah, I mean, the youth team having to borrow socks and shorts from Everton is just, that must look appalling. When people are actually there watching Man United play in another team's kit because it's just so, so poorly run. It's these little details that make it just look like... And let me give you a real-world example of how this, ostensibly, it's a cost-saving exercise, right? Because he sees the balance sheet. but that's a really good example of how that will unquestionably within time completely backfire because if you are someone who has got a really talented son or daughter and in this case it'll be a son at Manchester United in the academy at under 13 level, right?

38:01Back in the day, that used to mean something. That was a source of incredible pride and if you are the most talented 12-year-old kid in the country and you're relying on your parents to make decisions for you and your parents are seeing that shit happening, what's the chance they're going to want to stay at Man United? What does that mean long term financially? There is a perfect opportunity for those kids to just nip into the Everton dressing room and go, can we stay with you? Yeah, we'd rather stay here, thanks. I think we got away with it. They've not done a head count. I don't think they'll miss us.

38:28Yeah, they've cut back on a lot of safeguarding measures, so it probably won't get us. Every club, though, they presumably didn't have to wash the socks. You've got to take them and wash them. Listen, fish. They would take them back. if you were Everton bringing your staff to Carrington and you'd be like look they could well nick this stuff and sell it because that's all the man upstairs wants them to do so just keep your own let's start a valuable or put them on the staff because I turned the heating off let's see some entrepreneurial spirit from our young players yeah that is the long and short of it isn't it put him in the workhouse he will do that Man United find even in international he's going to turn into like a modern day Fagan Man United a source of incredible mirth during the season, but even in the international week, you still find ways.

39:13Arguably, it's worse. International week. They find new, ever-evolving ways of plumbing the depths, so that's not surprising. Before we go, I just want to sign off with this because this really did tickle me. Former Manchester United player Steve Bruce has been sacked by Blackpool. Now, that's not the bit that tickled me. Along with his coaches, Steve Agnew and Stephen Clements, Steve Bruce will be replaced by Steve and Dobby and Steve Banks until a different Steve is identified. Right, we've got all the Steves. This statement itself is absolutely amazing. Blackpool Football Club can announce the departure of head coach Steve Bruce, assistant head coach Steve Agnew and first team coach Steve Clements.

39:57The club would like to thank them for rarefights and wish them all the very best for the future. Steve Dobby and Steve Banks will take charge of the first team matters until the permanent appointment is confirmed. Steve. the best Steve second Steve has hit the duck out fifth Steve yeah in one statement tell me this now right one statement five Steves that's never been better the Steve to statement ratio is off the charts yeah I mean it feels like some sort of weird dance troupe where they're all called Steve as a gimmick has to be other than that I can't see how anyone's making a statement with more Steves in it maybe maybe Jim Radcliffe will find out at some point that employing people by the name of Steve is actually much cheaper and start absolutely bombarding Old Trafford with Steve's.

40:44Well, you'd save a number on the back of shirts, wouldn't you? You would. Save the prices on the back of shirts, yeah. All right, that's about it from me, Steve Moore, Steve Hantharajah and Steve Campbell. Thanks for listening to the football round part of the ACAST Creator Network. I'll be back with Steve tomorrow to talk about England, I think, and Scotland and Wales and also joining us will be Steve. Patreon subscribers, particularly ones called Steve don't go anywhere keep listening for Steve Uncut which is coming next and if you're not a Patreon subscriber head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to sign up now

41:23The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network