My Biddy Aunt: Our Northeast derby

0:00Immersing yourself in all things soccer ahead of this summer's World Cup? I'm Alex Avnos, senior sports editor from The Guardian. Whether you're a soccer beginner or you know the game inside and out, we've got you covered. From one of the fastest growing soccer newsrooms, The Guardian brings you in-depth World Cup coverage that gets into the winners and losers on and off the pitch. Read, watch and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, a global perspective, and a squad of Americans, including me, on the ground with the U.S.

0:32national team. Plus, if you want to test your soccer knowledge, try On The Ball. It's a game in the Guardian app, and it's really, really fun. And if you're into stuff like this...

0:40Pete Donaldson: Well, I think the problem is, if you give footballers an inch, they will take a mile. Is it too much when it's this close? It's a bit much. It's a bit too real. Maybe you could just talk with a slight delay. Be sure to listen to our Football Weekly podcast for on-the-move expert analysis. The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. We asked you here because we care. And your car insurance doesn't. They've raised your rate every year, and you haven't even checked. I thought that was normal. A lot of people do. That's why there's Jerry. Jerry pulls up to 20 quotes from top insurers in minutes, shows them side by side, and lets you switch in the app.

1:19No jumping sites, no re-entering info, no spam calls. It helps you cancel your old policy and keep checking for better rates. We want better for you. Jerry does too. Don't settle. Visit jerry.ai slash ACAST. The savings are stacked at Mattress Warehouse. Right now, save up to$800 warehouse wide on top brands you know and trust. Plus, buy one, get one free deals so you can upgrade sleep for your entire family and get a free adjustable base with select mattress purchases. With 0 % interest financing and free delivery available, Getting better sleep has never been easier. And with our exclusive lifetime price guarantee, you'll always know you got the best deal.

1:57Save big today at Mattress Warehouse. We're more than a mattress store. We're Mattress Warehouse. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to this show ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

2:15Previously on MyBettyArt.

2:18Pete Donaldson: Andrew Cole. In your 12th. Oh, he's going 12. Get on you, Jim. Arsenal, Fulham, Newcastle, Sunderland, Man United, Man City, Blackburn Rovers, Burnley, Birmingham City, Bristol City, Nottingham Forest, and he played for Portsmouth. Ladies and gentlemen!

2:39It's one of those games that's quite difficult to explain, but you'll get it as soon as you start hearing it.

2:43Pete Donaldson: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's my video! I'm Marcus Beller. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I'm David Cotledge. Battle of the North East.

3:07Pete Donaldson: Hi everybody. Welcome back to another edition of my Biddy Art. Still no sign of Vish. So Pete will be facing David in a league fixture. I'll be on the button. Biddy biddy And if you don't know the rules They are simple Each round I'll name a footballer One of you will bid How many of that player's clubs You can name Your opponent then Can raise the bid Or challenge you To name them Only professional clubs Count And the player must have made At least one Competitive appearance For that team If you fail to meet your bid Your opponent scores First to three points Wins Gentlemen David is this your first time Playing my biddy art No no I've played Oh you've played before Played Jim Campbell Definitely played Jim Campbell righto righto and he calls 12 clubs Jim Campbell yeah what a performance that's the guy that is the guy Peter I'm excited you should be excited and here's some motivation for you it's not difficult to beat Marcus or Pete right oh right that's unkind isn't it it is unkind to both of us not in the North East Derby don't bring that up yeah alright well let me throw some more encouragement your way by saying you could win your first game of my buddy aunt today.

4:19Pete Donaldson: Do it! Says Ian Holloway. Sent us that message for you and you only. Today's theme is Defenders. Okay. Of the Earth? Defenders. Defenders of the Earth. First up, Mandrake. Mandrake. Peter, you came out in our tombola to go first. Okay. This is round one. Was there a tombola? No. All right. I was going to say it. I was going to say it. It was a magic eight ball we used. And fittingly, this man has played for eight football clubs. It is your shaggy-haired friend of mine, David Luiz. David Luiz. Beautiful hair. Beautiful hair. Scored a beautiful free kick for Brazil against Colombia in the 2014 World Cup.

5:13I'm going to go for six.

5:14Pete Donaldson: Whoa! Six! Six clubs of David and Louise. David, can you go seven? I can't. He's going to have to name them. Name the six. Okay. Where are my buttons? Where are my buttons? Peter. I think it's a very, very strong. Yeah, I've gone strong. Yeah. Love that. Straight on the front foot. And I'm convinced I've got all of these as well. So, Mikel Arteta, take note. This is what you do when you go on the front foot. Yeah. Don't try and control the game. Yeah. Blast them away. So Peter Can you name six Of the eight clubs David Luiz played for Far away He's currently a Paphos Well played sir Not that much Yeah We mentioned that on the show recently But still well played Chelsea That is correct Yes two stints there Arsenal Yes Benfica Where I saw him in the flesh He's a PSG footballer Through and through Correct And he left Either Chelsea or PSG To go to Flamenco Very well played Come on You've got to hand it to Pete there That was very impressive Do you remember him playing Was it the Copa Libertadores final For Flamingo, did he reach?

6:28Pete Donaldson: I can't remember but yes, he was a Flamingo man The other two clubs Vitoria was where he started And Fortaleza He had a little spell I don't think those two I'm impressed that you've got Pathos, the club he's at now That was a tricky one I think most people, I think everybody would have had Chelsea, PSG, Arsenal, probably most would have had Benfica as well. Flamengo, I think kudos to you for getting that one. So a great start, Peter. Very, very impressive start. Right, David, you're up first. Some might say this is slightly trickier, but there's definitely guessable ones in here. Round two. This man played for nine clubs.

7:09Pete Donaldson: I am expecting a groan or two. This is one of those ones where I think, I'm glad I'm on the buttons. Paul Koncheski

7:19Pete Donaldson: We're an Essex boy Yeah That's the stuff We're an Essex boy Yeah Yeah Pete's thinking I'm glad I put that first point away I'm glad

7:31Pete Donaldson: Paul Koncheski Oh my god Yeah Yeah Not an easy one But there are guessable ones I know one No doubt about that Yeah Because of reasons Because of reasons There's a reason What am I doing, man? David, I am going to have to push you for a... Biddy biddy. I've only got two. Two for four. Oh, wow. Okay. Two for Puchessi. Peter, what have you got?

7:57Pete Donaldson: Tactics, Peter? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've got four. Oh, so four. Yeah, sorry. I've got four, yeah. Four. That's impressive. Yeah. David, I'm guessing you're not going to go five, having been two. No, I'm not going five. Okay. Pete Donaldson to race into a 2-0 lead can you name can you name four clubs that Paul Koncheski played for far away West Ham yeah Sean you did less than Forest I know that much there's your four oh shit yeah sorry yeah okay can I have can I have Billericay Town I want everyone to know that I knew Billericay Town as well well he was at East Thoroughke United and Billericay Town towards the end of his career, but they played in the semi-professional National League South.

8:44Pete Donaldson: Well, I'm glad I didn't say it then. So it wouldn't have counted. It wouldn't have counted. Okay. Just to say, I wouldn't have given you a wrong answer on that because it's right, but I would have had to have given you that information and say that wouldn't have counted. Right. If you see what I mean. Do you understand what I'm... I don't care. I'm through. 2-0. You're 2-0 up. Did you have any more? No. No more. David, presumably the two... I'm guessing... Liverpool did. Well, Fulham and Liverpool are in there as well. I literally have West Ham and Charlton. You have West Ham and Charlton? Okay.

9:16Pete Donaldson: So funny this, as soon as I heard... Essex boys always do those. So Charlton, I think people would maybe remember he started at Charlton. He was there for a number of years. He had a brief loan spell at Spurs. Not sure many would have remembered that. West Ham, yep. Obviously, I would have remembered Fulham. Liverpool, because he was only there for a brief period. And then Forest on loan, Leicester City, QPR on loan, at least that type of player in here. I should have just named a load of London clothes. I know. Oh, is there a way? Essex boys, they don't go far from home in my opinion. And finished in Gillingham down in Kent.

9:50Pete Donaldson: Right. Everything on the C2C. Yeah, there you go. That's right, that's right. So it is David Zero, Pete Donaldson 2 in the Battle of the Northeast. If I wanted to see two men from the Northeast fighting, I'd spend more time in my own head. Yes. And watch those angels and devils duke it out. The angels and devils of the north. Okay, round three. Peter, you're up first. I think this is a kind of one, but the previous round. This man played for eight clubs. Kyle Walker. Guessable ones here. Guessable ones here. He's more well known, but he's... I don't know his early days, really. Don't give away your working.

10:38Yeah, I mean, I know everything.

10:44Pete Donaldson: All right, tough guy. I could hear all eight. What is he, eight? Yeah, eight clubs. Give you a little bit more time. Yeah, thank you. Remember, David, you're 2-0 down. All right, I didn't need your pressure as well, man.

10:58Give her.

10:59Pete Donaldson: Carl Walker. Very, very pacey, man. Peter, I'm afraid I am going to have to push you for a little. Biddy biddy Karl Walker 8 clubs Can I have An opening bid Peter You can have 3 3 David 4 David's going 4 Sounds confident Peter Can I hear 5 David sounds confident Oh I can only do 4 Yeah He sounds confident Name him Oh yeah I can't do 5 I can't do 5 David 4 clubs for Karl Walker I fancy it to get this David Go on Fire away Sheffield United Where he started City Man City Spurs and Burnley and Burnley of course yeah 2-1 David needed that Northampton Town a little loan spell I don't think many people would have got that QPR on loan a few people Aston Villa oh yeah remember Aston Villa yes yeah Aston Villa and of course AC Milan on loan I had AC Milan Man City in Burnley that's the only thing yeah you forgot Spurs this episode is sponsored by Delete Me.

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13:25immersing yourself in all things soccer ahead of this summer's world cup i'm alex abnos senior sports editor from The Guardian. And whether you're a soccer beginner or you know the game inside and out, we've got you covered. Read, watch, and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures, and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, reporters on the ground with all the big teams, and the legendary Football Weekly podcast, The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more. We asked you here because we care.

13:57And your car insurance doesn't. They've raised your rate every year and you haven't even checked. I thought that was normal. A lot of people do. That's why there's Jerry. Jerry pulls up to 20 quotes from top insurers in minutes, shows them side by side and lets you switch in the app. No jumping sites, no reentering info, no spam calls. It helps you cancel your old policy and keep checking for better rates. We want better for you. Jerry does too. Don't settle. Visit jerry.ai slash ACAST. Right now at Mattress Warehouse, save up to$800 warehouse-wide. Get buy one, get one free deals, plus a free adjustable base on select mattresses.

14:370 % interest financing, free delivery, and our exclusive lifetime price guarantee. Only at Mattress Warehouse.

14:48Pete Donaldson: David is now on point. Round four, you are to begin. This man played for six clubs. Just six clubs. France's William Gallas. Oh, my word. Willie Gell. What a gal. Willie G. David, can I have a bid from you? I've only got three. Is that your bid? That's my bid. You're going three. Peter, can you bid more than three for William Gallas? What do you want, David? The name is three. tensions are high in the studio yeah it's a more serious I think I've got three yeah I've definitely got three I'm not sure about the four if you name four you take the tie what do you want David to name I'm going to name four I'm going to name four oh he's going four I'm going to name four he's going four David can I hear five from you oh he's thinking oh hello David can I hear five from you because by my calculation I reckon that you've just got the fourth one popping your head I've only got four oh but he didn't do it in time can I hear five from you or do you want Pete to do the fourth nah I can't hear five Pete Donaldson go on four clubs William Gallas it's better that I win the tie rather than David Gifford by fucking up his fifth so you're confident then oh well put your bollocks on the table

16:25Pete Donaldson: so soon after the last time alright can Pete Dalton do it four clubs sorry four clubs William Gallus play for far away have you got even one that's not not a confident start that right come on Marseille very good he ended his career or certainly he was one of those players who floated about wherever the money may have been right and he was in Australia was he give away something with your face at least which Australian club would you like to go for I would go for Perth Glory oh my goodness yeah no way come on no way I can't believe alright Peter there's some answers in that tombola as well I didn't say Peter two more clubs Arsenal and Chelsea Peter For the first time ever!

17:26Pete Donaldson: There it is, everybody. He's done it. And I'll tell you what, he bloody deserved it. He did it with Perth Glory as well. He did. Pete, I have to hand that to you. I really, really do. I honestly think we've got another round to play. Goal difference and all. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I need my paper again. Don't worry. No! Darn it all. You do that. He's ripped it off and thrown it off. I forgot about the fifth round. I don't care. I take my hat off to you. I think on that form that you've shown today Couldn't beat a Jim Campbell No, I think you'd have been a match for anybody You reckon? Genuinely I think with David Luiz, I don't think anyone's getting more than six What did you do for Konczeski?

18:05Pete Donaldson: You got four I think Konczeski maybe, like Vish, Luke But Konczeski, it's the Essex connection I'll be honest with you Fine, and that's obviously your intellect

18:17Pete Donaldson: Surprise with Karl Walker But you have to chuck David a bone, I suppose so fair enough but William Gallas getting for I mean Kyle Walker's getting his bone out so I think I think most people everyone would have had Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs you didn't even bother with Spurs didn't need to he started at Cannes I'd be surprised if anyone got that which four did you have incidentally David? I had Arsenal, Chelsea, Marseille and I think I might have got this one wrong Milan yeah you would have been wrong yeah you would have been wrong so either way Pete would have taken the time but Perth glory fair play to you I mean Perth yeah that came Pete it's one of those ones you've been on the edge of a victory for a while, I think.

18:50Pete Donaldson: I know you've deserved that. I'm glad it happened with friends. So this... It's not difficult to beat Marcus or Pete. Yeah. At least one of those men he's wrong about. He's so rude, isn't he? Isn't he rude? It could be you. It is you. We go into the final round and I'll tell you something, Peter. Yeah. You're up first. I can't express... Well, I... Sorry, it's yours to express. Right. I reckon you will be so mightily relieved to have got this done before this round because round five with nine clubs was Ryan Bertrand and I think if it was too all going into this he did everybody we might have had a Jack Butler situation he did everybody I think you are rather relieved that you're home and hosed fucking hell but win percentages are important in this as it's a league fixture goal difference is taken into account at the end of the season so nine clubs Ryan Bertrand I can is it my turn or is it you are to go first I can maybe do three let's finish this sorry this sorry round of Ryan fucking Bertrand fucking hell David can you do more than three to get a bit of pride back for Sunderland I've got none as in pride yeah I mean that is piss poor I don't think we've ever had a play where I've gone I think there's been the odd occasion where I've gone at that point you'd bluff your ticket wouldn't you you'd sort of go yeah definitely got Perth glory exactly yeah so your bid is three Peter David come on man alright man I'm digging deeper yeah I'm digging very deep dig baby dig I had quite a bit of sleep last night so I even got there as an excuse new father is that three hours four hours quite a bit of sleep I haven't seen my son in a few years just put him out somewhere and I'm just going to sleep I have to conjure it for my biddy aunt.

20:48Pete Donaldson: Can I hear four? Go on. I'm going to give you four. Go on then. Peter? Fuck no. Fuck to the fuck no. And you know what? I don't care. Because I want to bloody my biddy aunt. Pete Donaldson wins. Exactly. That button has never been. I'm surprised it's still in the system, to be honest. Well, I tell you what, I think it might be getting used a bit more often these days. You're finally over the line. Yeah, I imagine the baubles just keep coming after the first one don't they but anyway we have round five to complete here David four clubs Ryan Bertrand yeah the caveat being I think two of them are wrong but go on then right okay one of them's called Nike Air Max right Southampton that was his big one wasn't it that was his big club he didn't stick around anywhere for very long but that was his big one wasn't it oh yeah I thought he went to a bigger club than that go on then go on oh you've really you really throw me there my games he wants the point Palace?

21:48Pete Donaldson: Crystal Palace I love David

21:54Pete Donaldson: that's a stinker I'm surprised you didn't go for Chelsea famously played in the Champions League final I had Liverpool it's so easy it's so easy when you've got the Alters in front of you I had Chelsea in QPR did you have QPR? he's a bit QPR-y but he's not he didn't play for you so Chelsea was where Leicester? for a long time. Yeah, Leicester. He finished playing at Leicester. I think Bertrand was a really difficult one. And I remember thinking, oh, if we go 2-2 into Bertrand, this is going to be, I think we're going to see very low bid. Maybe 1-2 or something like that. So Chelsea, obviously, is where he started.

22:28Pete Donaldson: He was there for a while, but a load of loan spells. It wasn't until Southampton he moved permanently. So loan spells at Bournemouth, Oldham Athletic, Norwich City, Reading, Nottingham Forest, and Aston Villa. and then went to Southampton and finished at Leicester City. All those clubs and they only get one. Unbelievable. That's what the game does to you. He's a Londoner. Born in Southwark. He's had the career of a jobbing journeyman goalkeeper, hasn't he? Yeah, although when he went to Southampton, he was there for a long time. A few England caps as well. Disappointed not to get in. I forget which World Cup squad it was.

23:08Pete Donaldson: But anyway, we've come to the end of the show. And, of course, Pete Donaldson won his first ever MyBodyYard. What a victory. 4-1. Only taken an entire two, three seasons to do so. We just had to put a Sunderland fan in front of him and you were thinking to yourself, not today. A black guy. Not today. I've never seen such a layer of focus for him. He really had the victory. Everyone in my life is going, fuck. He's got concentration in him. I remember playing MyBodyYard the last time I played against you and I was one of those ones where I just happened to bid first on a certain get and you had the same amount and so on.

23:42Pete Donaldson: Whereas that performance, I think we're going to see more victories for Dalton. My memory is terrible but visually, what I like is I like when players go to India or Australia for a bit of cash. Yeah. So I always remember them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dirty little money moves. I think the Davin-Louis round and the William Gallash round are very impressive. Yeah. Thanks, guys. I mean, you did nearly all of Scott Parker's clubs on that occasion which I remember. connection. Yeah, but fine. We're still, though. Give yourself credit. Give yourself credit. Right, we're off to the train station to see if we can get up to Leeds for a punch-up and an enjoyable game against Burnley.

24:21Pete Donaldson: Thanks to... Sorry. Thanks to... Thanks to our friends. Yeah, from Raytheon. Yes. So there we are, everybody. Another MyBodyArk comes to an end. But another weekend begins. Thanks to... Well, not thanks. Thanks to you, the listeners, to listen... Sorry. I'm having a meltdown. Stop being thankful. Yeah, I know, yeah. Right, let me do that again. All things bright and beautiful. There we are, everybody. My bitty idiot.

24:50I think you've got to the point where it's getting put at the end of the show now. Do your Michael Jackson dance. No, that's what I should just do, shouldn't I?

25:01Don't finish the show, just do a Michael Jackson dance. The listeners know that we're thankful that they were along. Patreon.com, four sessions of Football Ramble. Marcus, do your Michael Jackson dance.

25:11Pete Donaldson: No, I'm not doing it. Come on, do a little Michael Jackson dance for the weekend. In a minute. Thanks for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the ACAST Creative Network. I'll do one. We'll be back on Monday to react to all the weekend's football. It's all that. Make sure you're... Make sure you're following us on socials at Football Ramble. If you want to suggest a theme with some players for my video, get in touch with us on Instagram MX in the comments on YouTube or email us show at footballrabble.com we'd love to hear from you there we are come on just a quick one there's not enough room there is enough room just a quick one dance we've got the wide stand in front of there do a little because you're going to see your bottom half anyway so it'll be fine just stand there dance for us Marcus dance come on come on

26:13that's what me when a video does to you oh man honestly

26:26brilliant get that on the socials Good luck, Parker. Good shit, honey. Good luck. The Football Ramble is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

26:59you in-depth World Cup coverage that gets into the winners and losers on and off the pitch. Read, watch and listen as our journalists connect the dots between the games, the cultures and this political moment. We'll have daily newsletters throughout the tournament, a global perspective and a squad of Americans, including me, on the ground with the U.S. national team. Plus, if you want to test your soccer knowledge, try On The Ball. It's a game in the Guardian app and it's really, really fun. And if you're into stuff like this...

27:25Pete Donaldson: Well, I think the problem is if you give footballers an inch, they will take a mile. Is it too much when it's this close? It's a bit much. It's a bit too real. Maybe you could just talk with a slight delay. Be sure to listen to our Football Weekly Podcast for on-the-move expert analysis. The Guardian, bringing you the whole picture on soccer. Search Guardian Soccer for more.

27:57Only at Mattress Warehouse. The savings are stacked at Mattress Warehouse. Right now, save up to$800 warehouse-wide on top brands you know and trust. Plus, buy one, get one free deals so you can upgrade sleep for your entire family and get a free adjustable base with select mattress purchases. With 0 % interest financing and free delivery available, getting better sleep has never been easier. And with our exclusive lifetime price guarantee, you'll always know you got the best deal. Save big today at Mattress Warehouse. We're more than a mattress store. We're Mattress Warehouse. Hey, Prime members.

28:32You can listen to this show ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.