My Biddy Aunt: Strikers

0:00Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting, to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com.

0:25Luke Moore: Wayfair, every style, every home. Bad news travels fast, and bad AI conversations can travel even faster. Because one mistake can happen again and again and again. Parloa Lens helps you spot those problems across every conversation. And Navigator helps you figure out why they're happening and what to do next. So your AI agents don't just handle more conversations, they get better at handling them. That's the power of Parloa. Find problems before they find your customers at Parloa. P-A-R-L-O-A dot com. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's back to school time, which means many of us are going to be busier than ever.

1:05But from getting out the door in the morning to enjoying delicious meals together at the end of the day, Whole Foods Market can help with convenient options and delivery. Plus, because it's Whole Foods Market, you can feel good about the quality of the ingredients. Shop back-to-school must-haves at Whole Foods Market in-store or online.

1:49For another pro, you. Go to bombas.com slash audio and use code audio for 20 % off your first purchase. That's bombas.com and use code audio. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University. Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting and Walden is here to help you achieve it.

2:22Take the first step to make your impact. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev. Colon cancer is on the rise. It's the second deadliest cancer and the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. Yet it remains one of the most preventable cancers. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to talk about screening. Kologuard Plus is a non-invasive at-home collection kit that requires no prep, can be completed in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective. If you've been putting it off, you're not alone, but timely screening matters.

2:59Let's talk about what isn't talked about. Talk to your provider or request Kologuard Plus online, Rx only.

3:08Luke Moore: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's Friday, and it's my video. And I'm Marcus Speller. And I'm Luke Moore.

3:32Luke Moore: Hello, everybody. It's Friday. It's Friday afternoon. The weekend is so close, Luke Moore. I can smell Pitbull's cologne in the air. Now you're talking. Now everyone's thinking, hang on a minute. They need three people. Yeah, I'm one of them. to play my biddy aunt. I'm thinking that. Because I'm hosting this week. Luke Moore. Scared again. Scared again. Yes, we are back for another my biddy aunt. And of course, I am running scared. Now, Luke, you did lose 4-1 against Vish last week. Vish is not here. And we thought to ourselves, well, you know, I've had a bad start to the season. Jim's on holiday again.

4:01Luke Moore: Jim's running scared. He's ran away abroad. David Cartlidge is still, despite his victory against me, he's thinking, to be honest, he's terrified of you. And I think a lot of people are terrified of you. And if Vish is not here to play against you, who on earth do we get to face you? Pete Donaldson just did not fancy it. Did not fancy it. So Luke, despite losing last week, you are one of the main men at this game. You are feared throughout the land. This is never going to end well for me when you start on this shit. As I say, with the exception to Vish. So we've decided to put you up against a very special guest today.

4:39please

4:40Luke Moore: your opponent today is what's all a hoopla it's little Luke that is fucking terrifying who's all men who it's little Luke this is very much a visual feature that is fucking horrible look at those hands so Luke Moore I don't want to look at it I can't even look at it It's a revolting development. I can't even look at it. So you are, I think... It really looks like me. ...playing against yourself today. It really fucking looks like me. It's fucking Little Luke, baby! Some people may say that a particular member of the team, it's hard to guess who... Don't make it look at me. It's nightmare-ish. ...has made a doll of Luke Moore and put it in a Ramble t-shirt and is playing Luke Moore today.

5:31Luke Moore: So it's Big Lukey Moore, the self-proclaimed, self-confessed Big Lukey Moore against little Lukey Moore today. I'm not his son. I'm a different thing. Yeah. Why is his head coming off? And why doesn't he sound like he's from the Portsmouth area? Yeah. Is what I want to know. So if you've never watched this show on YouTube, I think today's a good start. Today's a good time to start doing that. So fucking play the game, Spill Dog. He's from New Yorker. True enough. He's a New Yorker. Yeah, yeah. He's not from Hampshire, certainly. Maybe New Hampshire. I don't know. But if you don't know the rules to this game, and this is your first time listening to this, then my goodness, you've picked a week for it.

6:13Luke Moore: Each round, I'll name a football. I have to do sometimes meetings with the data people about why we're not adding on enough new listeners. I've got the youth development up my ass. He looks older than me. He really looks like me. It's tough being little. I'm really fucking heavy. can we can we fucking push this along a little you've got a bad teeth in me right each round I'll name a footballer one of you will bid how many of that player's clubs you can name your opponent can then raise the bid or challenge you to name them only professional clubs count and the player must have made a competitive appearance for that team if you fail to meet your bid your opponent scores first to three points wins today's theme is strikers I'm sure little Luke will be delighted those guys score all the goals right that's right little Luke they do so little Luke it is a pleasure to have you and your terrifying hands on the show they can do stuff yes I look like they have I'd like you to go first little Luke if that's okay I'd love to Marcus you tell me who you want to hear about I'll tell you their entire fucking life story I would love to know how many clubs are we going to get through this I think so all I'll say is it wasn't my idea but I'm having to go with it.

7:33Luke Moore: What an idea though. Hollywood beckons. Let me say... I was about to say... I'm always saying little Luke, you've got a great ass. Anyway, okay. You're going to shake my little hands after this boy? No fucking way. No way. Maybe I can sit on your knee a little. Oh dear. So, could you name how many of his clubs? There's eight clubs involved here. David Villa. How many clubs could you name David Veer played for? What a fucking putz. It's quite hard to concentrate in this situation. Well, let's see how I'm looking at yourself. Eight clubs. Eight clubs. We'll give you a little bit of time to think.

8:15Luke Moore: It's your first appearance on the show, little Luke. David Veer. I'm going to go for... Yeah. Biddy biddy. Four. Four. I think that's a respectable bet. Four clubs. Yeah, okay. It is a respectable bid. Big Lukey Moore, can you outbid yourself, essentially, because you are basically playing yourself. If I lose... Yeah, absolutely. Either way, you win. I don't feel like I'm winning. It's a win for all of the Luke Nation. Exactly. Big and small.

8:52Luke Moore: So, Luke, how many clubs would you like to name? Can you name more than four? Sorry. I'm getting distracted here. I just would really love to hear him name four Would you? Yeah Gonna go for it? Yeah why not I'm gonna do it perfect Here we go I just wanna hear it Little Luke Can you name four clubs that David Villa played for? I'm gonna say Definitely spent a little time in Spain Yeah I think he might have played for Atletico Yeah Well done, well done Next one I definitely seen him in the sky blue Of Manchester City Yes Is that your answer though? Yes Yes Sometimes you find That New York based New York based little puppets Do sometimes confuse David Villa With David Silva don't they And I think that he also He would have He would have watched Stavardvier playing in his native New York for New York City FC in the Sky Blue.

10:03Luke Moore: And he played for Sag Antosta as well. He didn't. Ah, fuck. He started at Sporting Guillon. Right. Played for Real Zaragoza, Valencia, Barcelona. He played for... Atletico Madrid, New York City FC, Melbourne City. Melbourne City. And Vissal Kobe. Vissal Kobe. I knew he went there because he went there with... Went to go and play with Andres in yesterday, didn't he? Did he really? I think so, yeah. Okay, well, interesting. That's a point to me, though, little Luke. So, big Lukeymour1, little Luke nil. Luke, it is your turn. Look at those hands. It is your turn. Yeah, okay. This man played for five clubs.

10:43Luke Moore: Another striker from Spain. It's Fernando Torres. Ah, I think I'm... Ah, okay. Ah, I see now. Yeah. He's not guessing. Yeah. I'm guessing. Yeah, well, can you do all five? or would you like to do just one or two, maybe three or four? Come on. Come on, big Lukey. Do it, Lukey. I can do four. Are you going to do four? Yeah, would Z1 do five? Can little Luke do all five? No. Oh, what a shame. No, he cannot. What a shame. Are you sure? No. All right. I'm not even going to try, Marcus. Little Luke, are you more of an NFL guy? Yeah. I like basketball. I like powerboat racing. All right, I think we've heard enough.

11:30You're slipping down the desk quite a lot.

11:32Luke Moore: Right, four clubs. Four clubs, Fernando Torres. I'm doing my best. Liverpool. Atletico Madrid. Oh, well done. Chelsea. And AC Milan. That's it. I know he went overseas somewhere. He played for FC Tokyo. He played for Sagan Tosu. Ah, that's the first fucking... I put one hand, but fucking the other guy. I know, I know. Fucking ass, we both had money. Yeah, crazy, crazy. They both had the fucking doubloons at the same time. It's 2-0 to Big Lukey Moore. Little Luke, you need this. Tell it to Sweeney, asshole. You need this. We go into round three. Ah, fuck. There's some guessable ones here. Little Luke, I think you can have a good, you can make a good fist of this.

12:19Luke Moore: Round three, eight clubs. Robbie Fowler Robbie Fowler I'm not even listening here Robbie Fowler Robbie Fowler Robbie Fowler I'm gonna Yeah Take your time Take your time Take your time You seem to be struggling a lot there I'm gonna Ah Ah Ah Brain fell out Ah What the hell Ah Put my brain back in Daddy Not my daddy Put my brain back in

12:55I'm not going to sleep a wink tonight I'm telling you What a fucking putz

13:01Luke Moore: Right little Luke How many of Robbie Fowler's eight clubs can you name? Alright Come on let's have a proper bid here I'm going to go for

13:13Three

13:14Luke Moore: Come on you can do more than three No I can't Don't get your titty in a ringer Is that a saying? Luke Moore Four Sure? Yeah I can do four Why don't you push it a bit further Well I can do four I'll say four Okay can we hear five from Little Luke Yeah fuck it Yes That's the spirit Can we hear six from Big Luke Oh you got some jeans on Little Luke That's nice Very nice yeah Can we hear six from Big Lukey Moore No I think you can do five Alright come on then Little Luke You can do this I'm tuning a lot You can do this little loop Do the ones you know first Right, far away Melbourne victory Oh Melbourne victory Bad start That's the button, I'm winning I'll be dipped in shit Oh no, Luke, move or win Why would you start with Melbourne?

14:09Thus they called Melbourne victory anyway

14:13Luke Moore: Well we knew a loop was going to win He played in India, I know that. Yeah, he didn't play in India. What? He started at Liverpool. Yeah, well, it's a stay of execution if I go for that one first. He went to Leeds United, Man City, Cardiff City, Blackburn Rovers, North Queensland Fury. You're slipping down the desk again, little Luke, are you okay? Perth, Glory. Go pound sand down a red hole, asshole. And finished at Muatong United in Thailand. He definitely demanaged it, Indiana.

15:11Luke Moore: in every plant pot. I could just look again at the instructions, but I've thrown those away, haven't I? Back when I thought I was a functioning caregiver, I figured I didn't need them. If I can't take care of the plants in my life, how can I take care of the people in it, or of myself? Maybe what I really want to get better at is not overthinking. Better is a feeling defined by you, and for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress, and it's getting better at having some perspective.

15:44Luke Moore: Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash ramble. That's betterhelp.com slash ramble.

15:54This Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, deals on select materials and tools to keep the job moving. Right now, get a free DeWalt 20-volt max battery 2-pack When you buy a select DeWalt 20-volt max tool. At Lowe's, we have what you need to keep your job moving. Valid through 913, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details.

16:23Hi, this is Kim and Penn Holderness from the Laugh Lines podcast. This episode is sponsored by Ollie, your wellness partner for back to school and beyond. Back to school season is here. Packed backpacks, packed lunches, and packed schedules are officially back. Ollie Kids Sleep helps little dreamers wind down with a gentle blend of melatonin, L-theanine, and botanicals for restful sleep. Translation, an easy way to put those school night negotiations to bed. And for the grown-ups, Ollie Sleep helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up feeling refreshed. Because as you know, the morning mayhem comes early.

16:58Visit Ollie.com and stock up on back-to-school must-haves today. That's O-L-L-Y.com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. It's back to school time, which means many of us are going to be busier than ever. But from getting out the door in the morning to enjoying delicious meals together at the end of the day, Whole Foods Market can help with convenient options and delivery. Plus, because it's Whole Foods Market, you can feel good about the quality of the ingredients.

17:36Shop back-to-school must-haves at Whole Foods Market, in-store or online.

17:48Luke Moore: So Luke Moore has the victory. Goal difference does count, little Luke. Because we obviously deeply hope you'll be back. Depends on how good the 3D print was, if I'm honest, Luke. So we go into round... It's a really, really good 3D print. We go into round four. Okay, let's fucking do it. Let's do it. Loik Remy. 13 clubs. Luke Moore, you are first. 13. 13 clubs. I bet you're glad you got that done and dusted. Yeah. The goal difference counts. Every point matters. 13 clubs. Luke Moore, I want to bid from you first.

18:26Okay. Six. Six. Fuck!

18:31Luke Moore: I think it's a good bid. Little Luke, can I hear seven or more? I thought I saw a ghost! The grey man! And off goes the brain again. Without a brain, you're probably not going to go for seven, I'm guessing. I would like big... Just Luke. I would like Luke to mention his five, please. Alright. I said six. Little Luke, I can do six. Go on then, let's have six. Chelsea. Chelsea. Newcastle. Newcastle. QPR Crystal Palace Palace Marseille Marseille And I think he played for Nice, didn't he? Did he play for Nice? He certainly did, Luke Moore Did he play for Fenebeci? He went to Turkey for sure I can't remember who he played for though He didn't play for them He started at Lyon He went on loan to L 'Anne Then Nice, Marseille QPR, Newcastle United Chelsea, Crystal Palace Las Palmas Getafe, Lille Caico Rizospor And then Adana Demerspor Right Not even any of the main ones in Turkey Well he also signed for Brest at the end of his career But he never made an appearance Little Luke you must have signed the score like that What do you call Brest in New York?

19:40Oh Big old busties

19:44Luke Moore: It would just be one though Wouldn't it? Yeah He plays for big old busties You certainly get a bit tired little Luke Are you okay? Yeah My arms are tired My little arms are tired I should have thought this all through Put your hand back up. There you are. That'll help. Give you a bit of that. Thank you. Give me back to me, Daddy. This whole thing is nearly over. I'll hold your hand for the last one, Little Luke. Thank you, Big Luke. Right. Normal-sized Luke. So, Little Luke, it's your chance to get a point, a precious point, on the scoreboard. Round five. This has been a fucking ass. Twelve clubs.

20:16Luke Moore: Dean Saunders. He's so old! What, Little Luke, growing up in the streets of the Bronx, know about Dean Saunders? I've seen videos of him online Being told off by a policeman For drink driving Told off Don't do that again I won't Yeah Scored loads of goals Dean Saunders It's my go is it It is I'll go four You've got to keep dropping out of your accent a little bit Let's go for four Have you spent any time in Hartlepool? Please do the last round Yes I was going to say Luke this is not the time to stop he said four Luke Moore can you do more yeah I'll go five why not go five can I hear six from you little Luke or should we get this done let's get this done little Luke is about to puke I'm holding I'm holding your hand yeah very good of you Luke Moore five clubs for Dean Saunders let's go for Liverpool let's go for Bradford let's go for Sheffield United let's go for Galatasaray, I think he played for.

21:27And then he went overseas again towards the end of his career. Was it Benfica? Very well played.

21:33Luke Moore: Very well played. Well, Little Luke, it's great to play with you. Nice to shake your hands. Good game, well played. You're going to need a bigger look, boys. Where did you get the little jeans from, Little Luke? They fit you really nicely. It looked like you stole them from a dog in Buenos Aires. Did you mention Liverpool there? I did, yeah. Yeah, you did, yeah. Villa was the one he didn't say. I don't think so I don't think so I don't think so started Swansea City went on loan to Cardiff City Brighton and Hove Albion Oxford United Derby County of course Liverpool Villa Galatasaray Nottingham Forest Sheffield United Benfica and Bradford City and that means that Big Luke has won 5-0 it's been emotional it's been an emotional game an imperious victory very difficult playing against a brainless tiny version of yourself from New York and I never thought that would be the case yes indeed Jay but you can say you've done it so many people have not played against a brainless smaller version of themselves with the New York accent.

22:26I would like to get one final catchphrase out.

22:29Luke Moore: Please. Ha! Is that it? And is there anything else, Luke, that we've come to know about you that you often sort of say or sort of opinions of you? Do you share those kind of things with Big Luke? Yeah, we got a WhatsApp group going. No, that's bullshit. We just met. We've literally just met. We've literally just met. All right, we're going to set up a WhatsApp group. Yeah. It's going to be called Who's zooming who? It's little Luke. I don't know how you're going to be able to use that WhatsApp with those little hands. And is it a group if you're just WhatsAppping someone? Fucking dinosaur. Yeah.

23:01Luke Moore: There we are, everybody. Who put a nickel in this guy, huh? Thank you for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creative Network. If brains were gasoline, I couldn't drive a piss-ends go-kart around a Cheerio. I don't like to say... Fucking play us out, keyboard cat. Come on, you mook. I don't like to make creative decisions on the podcast, but I can absolutely assure you that this will never happen again. Myself, Luke, and Pete Donaldson, absent today, of course, will be back. It'd be nice to have Pete back, too. It would be lovely to have Pete back. We'll be back on Monday. I hate that kid.

23:38Oi, we know. The things I've seen him do. We know. We can tell. His mind.

23:43Luke Moore: We will be back on Monday to react to all the weekends football with that big Manchester derby. Will little Luke be back on Monday's show? I will ensure Maybe not I will ensure That he won't be Oh that's a shame Because he'll be having Brain surgery of course Yeah To get his brains Put back in Better than Brattle Cared more I would say I work harder Yes indeed There we are It's time to get your Pitbull on everybody Have a marvellous weekend Thank you so much Luke Moore Thank you Thank you so much Little Luke Goodbye everybody And as I always say Thank you Pitbull Have a lovely weekend Woo

24:26The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

24:49Join them to save up to 90 % off carrier rates from your computer or phone right now. Print postage for certified mail, registered mail, and packages in seconds. Then schedule a pickup right from your home or office. For a limited time, go to stamps.com and use code podcast for a free welcome gift. Taxes and fees apply. Colon cancer is on the rise. It's the second deadliest cancer and the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. Yet it remains one of the most preventable cancers. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to talk about screening. Cologuard Plus is a non-invasive at-home collection kit that requires no prep, can be completed in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective.

25:30If you've been putting it off, you're not alone, but timely screening matters. Let's talk about what isn't talked about. Talk to your provider or request Cologuard Plus online, Rx only. Hey, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. You know when you finally get started on a project around the house and then five minutes in you realize you're missing one thing? Somehow it's always that one thing that sends you back to the store. That's why I love this from Lowe's. If you're a My Lowe's Rewards or My Lowe's Pro Rewards member, you get free same-day delivery. Honestly, Lowe's will make the run for you, making it that much easier to get what you need.

26:05Just place your order and Lowe's handles the rest. It seriously makes life so much easier, especially when you've already got a million things going on. Members get more at Lowe's. $25 minimum and loyalty membership required. Order eligible items by 2 p.m. Subject to weight and size restrictions and availability. Terms at Lowe's.com slash shipping terms. Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower. But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of Liquid IV in our studio.

26:41One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. Whether you're traveling, exercising, or podcasting, the best business news ever, Liquid IV makes it easy to stay hydrated wherever life takes you. So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you.