My Biddy Aunt: Summer Signings

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1:15Talk to your healthcare provider or request Cologuard Plus online, Rx only. Hi, I'm Max Rushton, the host of The Guardian Football Weekly. Alongside me, Barry Glendening, my co-host. Hey, Barry. Hello. Now, although every American found us during the World Cup, for the two that didn't, what can they expect? Found us and fell in love with us, Max. They can expect three episodes each week of occasionally insightful analysis covering the Premier League, Champions League and beyond. Football Weekly is back. Watch on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. This Labour Day at Lowe's. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances.

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4:18Luke Moore: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble. It's my bitty aunt. It's Friday. And I'm Marcus Speller.

4:25Marcus Speller: I'm Luke Moore. And I'm the douche in a hunt the raja.

4:42Luke Moore: Hello, one and all, to the Football Ramble. It's my bitty aunt. It's Friday afternoon. We are so close to getting our pit bull on. But before that, we have an enormous game. It is a super Friday here at the Football Ramble. It is Vatucinantharaja and Luke Moore. It's a grudge match. It's the grudgiest of grudges. This is a grudge duty match. I don't think it's a proper rivalry when he wins so often. Look at the mind games already. That's either a mind game or it's pathetic. I'll go mind game. There you go. Smokes him out. But, Vish, you know what I mean? For it to be a rivalry. You know when you watch a boxing match and someone absolutely pumps the other one and they go, we'll have a rematch?

5:25What's the point?

5:26Luke Moore: How do you respond to that mind game?

5:28Marcus Speller: I think that is a mind game. Should I respond to it? It's up to you. It's exactly what he wants, isn't it?

5:34Luke Moore: Well, before we get started, we have an important ruling from official game master Jimmy to the B. Two weeks ago, it was announced that David was the MyBiddyAunt Lineal Champion following his win over somebody who looks like me in the opening fixture of the season. You've been in dreadful form, haven't you? I've been in poor form, but the great thing is that I can improve from here. You've lost your seat, haven't you? The only way is out. However, after consulting with Jimmy and the MyBiddyAunt rulebook, it has been confirmed that the Lineal Belt should have carried over from last season. So therefore, last season's champion Vish still holds the title.

6:06Marcus Speller: That doesn't make sense.

6:08Luke Moore: Why not? It makes perfect sense. Well, carry on. Yeah. It does. It carries on. Linear is linear. Yeah. You don't reset at the start of the season. And to be fair, Vish did say carry on. Yeah. Which is what we're saying. Let's do it. Let's do it. And of course, whether he wants to or not, the belt is on the line today against big Lukey Aloysius Moore. That's a new one for me. Thank you. Yes, it is. Yeah. Your middle name does begin with an A, though. If you don't know the rules, they're simple. Each round I'll name a footballer. One of you will bid how many clubs that player played for. And they have to have played for that club.

6:41I'm so intimidated. I'm sitting here thinking about random players in the club they play for. In a way of like practicing.

6:46Luke Moore: I was just doing that. They need a competitive appearance for that club. Your opponent can raise the bid or challenge you to name them. Only professional clubs count, of course. If you fail to meet your bid, your opponent scores and you get scorned. First to three points wins. I've had one performance this season. Jamie Carragher lost it.

7:03Marcus Speller: Hey, look. That's good of you, that. It makes him feel welcome. Yeah, I was going to say, I think... It was galling given that I had to explain the rules to him about four times before we started. Yeah. He kept saying right answers as well, didn't he? It wasn't his goal. He kept winning. He kept winning.

7:15Luke Moore: Yeah. Unlike him, though, you've never lost a Champions League final. True. That is true. There you are, you see. Right. Today's theme... It's all come up Luke Moore again. What a result. I'll drink to that. Cheers. Never won one either. But I don't need to point that out, Vish, do I? No, you don't. Today's theme is summer transfers. Okay. Right. It could be anyone. Transfers that have happened during the summer. What, this summer? We'll find out. I'd like to find out. Yeah. Is it this summer? It is this summer. There's a nod from producer Jell.

7:45Marcus Speller: How many clubs did Keir Starmer play for? What, two-tier Keir? Starmer the farmer, Harmer? We finally got rid of him. We finally got rid of him. Andy Barnburnham. Should we do your song again?

7:59Luke Moore: Keir Starmer's a welcome. Come back here. Spells he still loves you. I like the man, but up yours, everybody. He's a sir, knight of the realm, therefore he always had my respect. Like Jimmy Savile, for example. Like Jimmy Savile, exactly, yeah. No, he's been stripped of it now. Has he? Possumously? Yeah, indeed, yeah. Which is just as well, because I'd have been in a tricky spot still respecting him. That'll sort it. Oi, finally we can put that to bed, then. Unbelievable. Jimmy, if you're listening, sorry. I had two versions. I had two versions. Right, okay.

8:30Marcus Speller: But he's down there with Connery, isn't he?

8:32Luke Moore: I only... I regret not starting the game earlier. Yeah. Down there with Connery, Marcus. What makes you think Connery's... Well, Connery's... Connery's... Yeah, but he's not as bad as Savile. Obviously! No. Why are we having this? I'm not saying he's great. Right, we're gonna start. We have to start.

8:48Marcus Speller: In Dante's circles of hell, where is he? Where... Not on the same one as Savile.

8:52Luke Moore: Yeah. Playing at centre half with him at Borussia Dortmund. Okay, now... Thank you. Oh, is that one of them? Okay. Was he at Dortmund or Bayern Dante? Bayern Munich, I don't remember him at Dortmund. It's the worst scenario you could have had to choose that wrong club. Anyway, let's go. Let's go. Luke Moore is to go first. Oh, good. Currently, he's in my bad books, so he needs to up his game.

9:15Marcus Speller: Is this player or Luke?

9:16Luke Moore: Eh?

9:16Marcus Speller: I'm always in the bad books. The player's in your bad books or Luke? No, Luke is. Yeah.

9:20Luke Moore: Now, this man has eight clubs. It is João Cancelo. Oh, fucking hell. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be one of those games. That is an extraordinarily hard start. Oh, dear. Joao Cancelo. Glad I'm not involved today. Oh, goodness me. And I ducked being involved today cleverly by losing last week. You all laughed at me.

9:53Marcus Speller: Do you still have that as your ringtone?

9:57Luke Moore: Not this week. I'll open the bidding with, I think, a strong five. I think that's very strong. What do you think, Vish?

10:06Marcus Speller: Just to get off to a good start, I'm gonna go with... Seven. There's no fucking way you could do seven. Yeah, there is fucking way. Eight total, and you could do seven of Jao Cancelo. Yeah. Yeah. So I've got to try and make...

10:22Luke Moore: Are you gonna go all eight, or are you gonna let Vish do seven? I can definitely, I'm pretty sure I can do six. Yeah, that's... It's one of those things, you've got to start the season as you mean to continue. Do I want him to just... Do I want him just to... I mean, Vish is very confident. He could make a mistake, of course. He's too good, though. He could have just said six, couldn't I? Yeah, could have had six. I'm just trying to think, is there any earthly way I can get to all eight? Is there any earthly way? Can, Luke? I can't. You can't do it. You can't do it. Vish, we want your seven clubs for Joel Cancelo.

10:59Marcus Speller: Man City. I had that one. Barcelona. I had that one. Bayern Munich. I had that one. Inter Milan. I had that one.

11:07Luke Moore: Yeah, I'll give you that. They are called international, of course.

11:11Marcus Speller: My heart skipped a beat there. Yeah. Valencia. Didn't have that one. Juventus. I had that one. Benfica. I had that one.

11:20Luke Moore: And that's very impressive. Valencia. I didn't know that. And I know, the thing is, the thing that was, I would never have got Valencia, so that would have been a point to you regardless. But I know for a fact that he was in Saudi. Al-Hilal. It was Al-Hilal. Ah, shit. So that's the eighth.

11:36Marcus Speller: I think there's been too many mentions of that that I thought, I think if I was to guess, I would have gone. You're not going to lower yourself to it. No, but...

11:42Luke Moore: You ignore Saudi league, Saudi pro league. Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed it because I don't agree with the regime. You don't count it. So, yeah, that's fine. Vish, that is an incredibly impressive first round. That is really good. Seven clubs for Zao Kensello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well done. Let's see if you can get seven here, Vish. You're up. This is round two. How many clubs? Eleven clubs. Michi Basuai. Oh, fuck me.

12:12That is unbelievably hard. Why are you laughing so fast?

12:18Luke Moore: I'm laughing because how poor I was last week. I left the student last week going, how was I so bad at that? And I'm looking at this going, oh my goodness. If I was bad last week, I'd have been atrociously bad this week. 11 clubs for Mitchie Batshuayi. Oh, I'm interested in his opening offer because I've written down quite a few here. Oh, have you? But is that a mind game? You see, tactics are important in this. I've been tactical in all over the place this season. But what can Vish do? What can he do? Let's have an opening. Biddy bidi.

12:55Marcus Speller: How are you, Marcus? Seven. Oh, you absolute prick! I think I could do seven as well.

13:00Luke Moore: Seven is... I think seven is... I mean, of course, if you can get them right, but seven is a very strong bid. Okay. Luke, can I hear eight from you? I'm going to go eight, because I'm going to guess one, because I'm not getting absolutely rammed up the derrick all afternoon. So I'm actually going to do it on my own terms, if I am going to lose. Yeah, not up the derrick trotter. alright can I hear nine from you Vish it would be a very Vish thing to do to go nine I've got to the point where I just want to show listeners that I can name the clubs some clubs Vish is so good at this game he's less good at the game of life of course he's lost that over and over again look at him well here I am

13:40Luke Moore: come on can we hear nine

13:43Marcus Speller: no no

13:43Luke Moore: alright Luke Moore 8 clubs from Mitty Batshuay Fire away. So I think I've definitely got seven, so it's going to involve me guessing an eighth. Go on then. Crystal Palace. Honestly, I think I'd probably be at about three for better. Marseille? Marseille. Correct. I think he started at standard Liège. Hold on. Now. Here we go. You've only got five more to do. I'm about to invoke a massive Turkey clause here. Okay. Because I think he played in Turkey. Right. Galatasaray.

14:17Luke Moore: You've done four. Need four more. Fenerbahce. Very good.

14:25Luke Moore: Besiktas. He's a very Turkey Super League player, isn't he? Aston Villa. Aston Villa. Who played for Villa? Where's that country? Did so well. You didn't say Chelsea? No, I didn't say Chelsea. Fucking hell. I got completely confused. I thought you played for Villa. You made me sort of think, hang on, what? Vish, who else did you have? Chelsea, obviously.

14:48Marcus Speller: Chelsea, Valencia.

14:50Luke Moore: Valencia again. Dortmund? Borussia Dortmund, yeah. That was one. Eintracht Frankfurt and Abha is where he is now. Or Abha, as I like to call that. The pain of that is indescribable. He started for Chelsea with£30 million, exactly. I can remember it. Why did I keep... I just completely supplanted Villa in my mind. Yeah. I mean, I can see that. that's why I think if you named any kind of middling to fair Premier League I've lost it I've lost it 2-0 down

15:18Marcus Speller: the neck on the blow to play for Galatasaray Finnebache and Basita George do you need to sign for 30 million for Chelsea who cares I think it's exactly 30 million I remembered a transfer I'm an idiot alright well you get a point for that thanks 2-1

15:31Luke Moore: alright we're on our way

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18:21Luke Moore: Now, Luke Moore, you're up first. It's not going to... All the good it's going to do, mate. I think this is a kinder one. I think this is a kinder one for you. I'd love to hear a harder one.

18:32Luke Moore: He signed for 33 million for Chelsea, by the way. 33 million. So, point taken off. Two nil again. Gutting. Right, round three. Did he decide for 33 million? Oh!

18:42Marcus Speller: Oh,

18:45Luke Moore: has that jinxed it, everybody? Has it just? I wouldn't have thought so. Round three. Luke, I think there's a chance here for you. Round three. Six clubs. Jed Spence. Okay. Okay! Says the embattled Luke Moore. Jeddy.

19:08Six, you say? I'm not going to say it on an audio program. Some people might be watching it. I think I can do all six. You can do all six! I think I can do six. Are you doing it? I'm going six. Oh, strong!

19:21Luke Moore: Vish has no room to move. All right, Luke Moore, to stay... I need to get back on the fucking horse. But remember, goal difference counts. And when I say that, I should explain that we take a sort of... It's not on who wins. You don't get sort of the point for winning its goal difference. It goes on to averages and percentages and so on. That's how we tell at the end of the season. So every round is worth playing for. But this is to stay in with the charts. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm going to officially go six if Vish can't nip in there. So my final guess is six, so Vish can't nip in there.

19:53Yeah, that's correct. But now I'm worried, and you'll hear why I'm worried in a minute.

19:57Luke Moore: All right, well, I'm going to have to ask you to name your six. So to stay in the hunt for the lineal belt, then... Shall I do the one I'm most worried about first? I think that would be a bad idea. Did he definitely play for Spurs? He did. So there we go. We're up and running. There's one. He started at Middlesbrough. He played for Nottingham Forest. He played for Genoa. And I think he went on loan to Wren. Very good. So I've got one more to get. One more to get. And I know where he is now, but I don't know if he's played for them yet. So is it that... So my conundrum is, am I going for who he plays for now and deciding whether they've played a game or he's played a game for them or not or is there another club I'm missing?

20:40And if there's another club I'm missing I think there's another club I'm missing. Marcus, that's the club he's missing. Marcus, is it Leeds United? Oh, he's back in the hunt. Back in the hunt. Step to me. Step to me, eh?

20:57Luke Moore: There's the mind game. So did you have all six fish? Yeah, just all there. That's what it takes.

21:01Marcus Speller: That's what it takes. I'll tell you what. I really wasn't sure about Leeds.

21:05Luke Moore: Lads. I wrote down Inter. Honestly, I am in awe of you. We've taken it to a fourth clue. He moved to Inter this summer yet to make a professional appearance. What a bullet dodge. Can I just say that, getting all six, that was for the Luke Nation. That was. They deserved it. It's been slim pickings for them. Yep. They deserved that. They stuck with me. First point of the season, you're off. They stuck with me. You're up and running. Unlike Spurs themselves, of course. So it's 2-1 to Vish. Vish, it's your turn. Round four. Six clubs again for this player. This to defend your lineal belt. Six clubs.

21:44Nathan Ake. Oh, fucking hell.

21:47Luke Moore: You said that a minute ago and you got all six. No, I didn't. Not for Spence. No, no, I said that for Bashoi. True. I still think you had a very respectful bid. A respectful biddy biddy. He's going to do me here. In the words of your cricketing idol, Beefy Botham, what are you thinking? He loves him as a player. He loves him as a man. He doesn't.

22:10Marcus Speller: Good bowling average, terrible cock. Also, man for the big occasion as well.

22:17Luke Moore: You have to say that. That's true. That's true. From the finest television when he was in that Scottish studio talking to those. Were they school children or university students? He did a column recently, an opinion column recently in Botham, where it's like, no, you are genuinely still a terrible person. Come on Vish, let's have a... Biddy biddy. Five. Five. That is good. That's big. So I've got four that I'm pretty confident about. Right. And you say he's played for six. I can't do all six. He's going to have to take it away. Okay then Vish, take it away.

22:48Marcus Speller: Man City. Chelsea. Bournemouth. Reading. Watford. Vitušne Hantaraja wins!

23:01You have to hand it to him.

23:03Luke Moore: You do. Thorsten, who was the seed? Fenerbahce. Where he currently is.

23:08Marcus Speller: No idea.

23:11Luke Moore: So I was gonna guess... How do you know in 2015 he went on loan to Reading? I don't know that! About Nathan Ake. I don't know it.

23:20Marcus Speller: Are there people who...

23:21Luke Moore: You got Reading? Yeah. How did you know that? I just knew. Nobody knows. Ivan Ake doesn't even know. He was like, was I at Reading?

23:28Marcus Speller: I momentarily thought that was wrong because I thought I... Thinking Michael Alise? Yeah, in a Reading shirt. I was the same.

23:36Luke Moore: I was the same. I honestly don't know where you get this knowledge from.

23:39Marcus Speller: The internet. Well, here's the other thing. If I was going to have to guess his last club, I would have guessed Firenwood, but I think he only came through there, didn't he? Is that right? The answer to your question is that Vish and I didn't have full sex with a woman until we were in our late 30s. We were just watching World Soccer magazines and playing champs. I am super impressed again.

23:59Luke Moore: Okay, of course, he signed for Fenerbahce during the summer. And he did come through that final to answer your point there. The only people better than Vish and I at this game, well, the only people better than Vish in this game, are all the people in the comments on YouTube. That's true. Who get them all the time.

24:12Marcus Speller: No, that was, you know, Adam Cleary and... Jim. Alcott. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God they're not on regularly.

24:21Luke Moore: Yeah. Why? They're really good. Adam did really well with Jackson Cyclopaedias. He hasn't done... I'm sure he is very good at my biddyon. Right. But yes. Right, round five. Luke Moore, as I say, goal difference does count. Every point is worth winning, even though you can't win the Lindner Challenge. No, I mean, if I go back into the other office in the minute and say I lost 3-2, it's not that bad. Not that bad. Yeah. Not that bad. Alright, round five. I'm not going to lose 3-2. But this man has just five clubs. Really low for my biddyon. Idrissa Gay. Trissi Gay yeah okay

24:55again I'm keen to do it on my own terms

25:00so I'm going to go four Vish if he can do all five there's literally no point playing there's no point playing to get a single point I have to name all six clubs if I could Jed Spence play for that was very impressive

25:17Marcus Speller: I've only got four and I'm unsure about the fourth and I don't think it's in the spirit to guess five. Don't patronise me. That's the last thing I want. No, but it's not for you, it's for them. I want to be respected as an opponent.

25:29Luke Moore: What if I said this round counts for three points, would I hear five from you? It's a pointless question. Are you going to do five or not? What he was willing to answer. Are you going to do five or not? No, come on. Are you going to do five? Minister, no. Alright, Luke Moore. Do your four. To clinch the last point. Everton. Everton is a correct answer he went to PSG for a bit madness that yeah why was it mad? did he play for Villa? I've got to get one more yeah that's how it works I wasn't sure how many I've done yeah this is an educated guess come on Luke do it it's an educated guess Milan it's 4-1 Vish, tell him the club he missed.

26:16Marcus Speller: Well, the one I was uncertain of, did he come through at Lille?

26:19Luke Moore: He did.

26:19Marcus Speller: Ah, nice.

26:21Luke Moore: And he's currently playing at Al Derriere.

26:23Marcus Speller: Oh, I actually read that the other day. Did you? Yeah. Oh. I should have got that, really. Al Derriere in the arse end of nowhere. Yeah. Nice. He started his career. He'd hate that. He would hate that joke. I genuinely read that in The Athletic about three days ago.

26:37Luke Moore: Yeah, he started his career at Diembar's in Senegal, but the club didn't achieve professional status until 2026, way after he left the club, of course. So had you have said that, I would have said no and slagged you off. I wouldn't have been surprised if Vish had said that. So 4-1 to Vitushin Hantharajay, started the season very, very well, you have to say. Very, very well indeed.

26:59Marcus Speller: That was a good collection of names. That's my wheelhouse, that.

27:02Luke Moore: That is, yeah, that sort of...

27:03Marcus Speller: A right back who just kicks the ball with the outside of his foot, lovely. Mishibachuai whose online content is better than his on-field content fine yeah don't mind it

27:13Luke Moore: there we are Luke Moore though you did get a point early reflections from me is that is a very poor start I shall be going to the other office shortly and sorting the schedule out so I haven't got to be on the same show as Vish for a while oh that's a shame that is a shame well thank you everybody for listening to the Football Rebel part of the ACAR Scrocer Network myself Luke and Pete will be back on Monday to react to all of the weekend's football we didn't get Donaldson's curse because he's not here on Friday That's probably just as well for spurs.

27:38Marcus Speller: Yeah, maybe you just say spurs every week. Easier, innit? Before turning the curse on himself. He literally told me the other day, he was like, I've got to go and get my lungs massaged. He's having issues with his lungs at the moment. And you need them. They're one of the main ones. Imagine the remedy being, we're just going to have to get in there and squeeze them. If you go to the doctor and someone says to you, okay, it's a problem with your appendix or spleen. You're not thinking that's one of the main ones. Lungs, that is one of the big hitters.

28:09Luke Moore: Are you thinking, I better get a massage? Lungs, heart, brain. Who does a lung massage? Don't know. Find out. Find out next week. Find out on Monday. Do it live on the show on Monday. I'll do one, you do the other. Did he get some sort of lung massage from... That's another story. Okay.

28:24Marcus Speller: Scout master. Can't talk about it. That was from the basis of Aqualung.

28:27Luke Moore: Like that. Or collapse lung. eat my goal and you can eat my weekend everybody because it's pitbull time get yourself out there we'll see you on Monday woohoo

28:45the football ramble is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network

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29:25Luke Moore: Wayfair, every style, every home. Hi, Pod fans. Max Rushton here from the chart-topping Guardian Football Weekly Podcast. Don't like to crow. If you enjoyed the World Cup with us, you'll be glad to know we're back for the new Premier League season. Expect three episodes a week, questionable predictions, and the biggest stories in soccer from the Premier League to the Champions League and beyond. Watch now on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Jack Ravici, Kramer host of The Best One Yet. At T-Boy, we're always talking about small decisions that can have an outsized impact.

29:51One of the simplest is staying hydrated. Whether I'm traveling, getting a workout in, or heading into a busy day, I keep Liquid IV on hand. It's clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone and contains three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. It's an easy addition to your daily routine and helps support hydration when you need it most. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you. I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working.

30:30While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built. No drag-and-drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company. This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets.

31:08That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.

31:16Thank you.