Narrative everywhere

0:00Music and love have magnetic properties everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble! A huge night in the Champions League awaits. It's Wednesday, 28th Jan. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm the Lucian of Huck the Roger.

0:24Hello, everybody. What a Wednesday it is. And thanks to friend of the Ramble, Jack Chester, for giving us that intro line. If you want to submit an intro line for a future episode and get an extended edition of today's show, then become a friend of the Ramble on our Patreon. And remember, we're offering 15 % off all annual memberships, and this week is your final chance to take advantage of the deal. So don't delay. Just head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get involved now. Oh, Vish! First time you and I have been on the pod for a while. Yeah, it is. It is. I feel like I've had like three welcomes back to the show.

0:58You're not getting one from me. It's been nice. You brought it up. You're going to get a Frenchie instead. now you have to sign up for that 15 % more Frenchy if you sign up this month a bit of the side of the mouth it's lovely to be on the pod with you breaking podcast bread or making podcast love depending on how you look at it and it is of course the big one tonight it's the final round yes the final round of the Champions League people scratching their heads going why have we not got any Champions League on a Tuesday evening because it all goes into the Wednesday night pot Arsenal are in top spot, Jim.

1:34Yeah. It would take something quite spectacular for them not to win the Champions League League. The invisible crown is hovering. Yes, indeed it is. But they're looking good. They're at home to Karak tonight, of course. But loads of action tonight. Jim, you quite enjoy this final round of Champions League first phase action that we've only had, what, once before? Well, I'm still figuring out, you know, the pros and cons of this new format versus the old one and where I sit on how much I like it or not. But I do think this final night is great because there's so much drama. There's 32 teams out of the 36 who still have something to play for tonight.

2:12And it could really shuffle around and it's bound to shuffle around. I mean, between 6th and 13th, every team has 13 points. So, you know, how the table looks right now is probably going to be quite different from how it looks tomorrow. I just think it's really interesting. Do you find it more interesting and you like all that drama because your club Arsenal are not really going to be It is certainly a help It is certainly a help Vish you are hoping that your club Manchester United will be in this full-blooded Champions League action next season of course but you're not that convinced by the new format yet are you?

2:49No not at all I think what jeopardy there is is basically about who plays at home and who plays away in the next round that no one wants to play in I also think from a Man City United perspective I'm a fan of this format because there's no way they're not going through to the next round and also one of the one of the things that they've done with this format which has helped the finances of I suppose all clubs really involved is spill it over into the new year I feel like it's almost a way of like gaming your taxes it's like we'll just make it go up to you know the start of April at least this is the season and at least to guarantee us some form of the first face has to be filed by the 31st of January.

3:30Exactly, yeah. Unless you do it online, which means, you know, you can do it a bit later. But yeah, I'm... There is a penalty, a little playoff penalty, but you can do it late. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm not a massive, massive fan of it. I prefer the old format, but I prefer away goals. And if that makes me old-fashioned, then good. Yeah, other than... You want the pass-back rule to go as well, don't you? Get rid of offsides. Get rid of foreigners. Yeah. You just want Arsenal. No, you get rid of offsides is you're for Arsene Wenger there. You agree with Arsene Wenger as long as he doesn't live here. Is that what you're saying?

4:03Football should, in its purest form, should be one village against another. Yeah. Over at a weekend. Yeah. Kicking the shit out of each other. Get that ball onto the nearest church roof. Yeah. And then the game's won. At the very least, there should be a death toll. Yeah. Okay. Well, I doubt there will be tonight in the Champions League. That would be absolutely awful. But there should be something quite interesting in Paris this evening. PSG versus Newcastle tonight at 8pm. A win for either side would guarantee them a top eight finish. But a draw might not be enough for either team to avoid that dreaded playoff round.

4:39From a neutral perspective, that makes this probably the game to watch, doesn't it? Because they're both going to have to go for it, really, in a David Jinn on a derby. And they are two of those teams who have 13 points. So there's a lot lurking around them. Well, there is. And there's recent history. So they met in the 23-24 group stages, the last one, of course. and Newcastle beat them at St. James' Park and it was a draw in Paris because of a 98th minute penalty from Kylian Mbappe. A definite penalty. Absolutely. As everyone universally agreed at the time and still does. Nothing to see there.

5:13So yeah, that was obviously pretty touchy and it promises to be a great game again, I would think. Yeah, it is a shame for Newcastle because being in the top eight with one more match to play, think you're in a decent position. But this is a nightmare fixture. Exactly, yeah. Especially with a PSG side that, as you say, need a result themselves. I mean, all the way down to Atalanta in 13th, you know, 6th to 13th on 13 points. So it is quite tasty in there. It's like that middle bit of the Premier League almost, isn't it? Now, Newcastle United, their flight to France was delayed by an hour due to Storm Chandra.

5:49My Chandra. She's been kicking up a storm again. A little bit of Chandra. That's the, you know, maybe it shows how far we've come as a society, but lovely bit of Asian representation in Stormsdale as well. Do you think? I think so. I'd much rather it for weather patterns than reform, but that's, you know, we'll take that. Yeah, well, currently you've got both. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, you can have it all. You really? And people said you couldn't, but you really can. Some said you shouldn't. Yeah. Some are still saying that. God bless them. But yes, but you know how they do it, don't they? They obviously go through the alphabet and then it's, I believe I'm right to say one letter is male name and they go female name.

6:35They alternate. Oh, is that not storms and hurricanes? Probably a chat for uncut everybody. Either way, it's because hot air rises. Yes. And there's a lot of hot air to be risen in tonight's Champions League fixtures. Jamal LaSalle won't be involved. That won't be a surprise to too many people. He's been told he can leave Newcastle United. if he hadn't realised already yeah I kind of forgot he was there Eddie Howe's poker face is horrendous so I'm going to read a quote about Jamala Sells from Eddie he's not training with us currently he hasn't felt well enough physically to train good enough confusing quote there I don't necessarily think he's injured in that he's got one big injury I just think his body's not feeling great so he's not training with us currently we hope that will change in the next few weeks but yeah there's a possibility he could leave as well just really is he injured or not yeah or is he just not physically up to the standard of being a footballer while you're trying to sell him that seems to be what he's suggesting it does seem quite odd his body's rubbish and he's he's not good enough to play do you want to buy him yeah get out of here little slug he's almost like he he has to correct himself he's like selling something on Vintage it's like oh I don't want it but it's really nice yeah well he's got his tag around it somewhere well look Newcastle United obviously have fared a bit better in the Champions League, you say, than in the Premier League, when they've slightly disappointed.

8:01PSG, though, is a tall order. The champions, of course. PSG themselves, I mean, they can be slow starters in this competition. Of course, they needed to beat, was it, their fellow countrymen, Brest, in the last Champions League iteration before they knocked down all the English teams and saved the best till the final against Inter. So even if they do need a playoff, if Newcastle get a result tonight, you would still fancy them to go through. I mean, they're not doing brilliantly in League E. They are top, of course. But only by two points. This is, you know. They were knocked out of the French Cup by Paris FC recently as well.

8:36They were, which was quite enjoyable. So it's a funny one at PSG at the moment. But again, with what they have and what they've done, to me, it's almost what Man City used to do with Pep Guardi. It's just the first half of the season, right? let's just sort of take it easy. Calm down in advance. Exactly. Indeed, we'll still be top of the league, we'll still be top of the tree, and then off they go. Well, this is the competition they care most about. Yeah. And that enormous monkey is off their backs. Yeah. Which, yeah. Donkey Kong is gone. According to Mikel Arteta and all Arsenal fans and players, that is quite a thing to have, you know.

9:13And England fans as well. So, yeah, they should be in good stead. So yeah, Jim, I think that is a tasty one and I'd imagine a fair few neutrals tuning in to see Paris Saint-Germain against Newcastle United tonight. But what about Napoli versus Chelsea? This is the other one, isn't it? I mean, some of the papers were saying Antonio Conte will welcome his former side to the Diego Armando Maradona Stadium. Welcome? Will he welcome them? I don't know if he'll even acknowledge them. Once he's in the dugout somewhere, that's his full attention, isn't it? Booby traps. Yes, absolutely. So Napoli have only won two games so far.

9:50Yeah, they've been poor. Which is surprising. They're 25th. Considering they've got Scott McTominay, what's going on? Well, indeed, yeah. And the resurgent Rasmus Hoyland as well. Yes. Yeah, it's a funny one. It's a tricky assignment though, isn't it? Again, this is part of the format that Napoli away on the last day when there's a bit of jeopardy for you is tricky. Although I suppose, again, as neutrals, this is what we want to see, isn't it? We want to see meaningful matches. This was the point of changing the format. Well, this was the second secondary point of changing the format after, you know, ringing as much money as possible out of the competition.

10:21So, yeah, I mean, it's a really intriguing one, this. A win for Chelsea would probably see them call a file, though they could still drop out, the top eight and call a difference and blah, blah, blah. A loss or draw would likely to see them slip into the playoffs. Napoli need a win, as you've already said there, Jim, to ensure their place in the knockouts, which again is surprising considering they are still the champions of Italy. They've dropped off slightly in the title race in Serie A they're now nine points behind Inter. It was quite chocker up there for a bit. Inter now just sort of pulling away as maybe one thought they would.

10:54But yeah, Napoli, I know what you mean. They're slightly sort of flattered to deceive. And it has been surprising. I mean, you remember some of the poor results they got. I mean, they got absolutely trounced. Was it PSV? It was 6-2 or something like that. Obviously, McTominay scored. So they need something tonight. And I think that, again, another one for the neutrals is to tune in and see Antonio Conte barking orders at both teams tonight. Yes. Yeah, yeah. There's also, you know, they got beaten 3-0 by Juventus on the weekend. So I feel like Conte's under us. Yeah, I feel like Conte's under a fair bit of pressure.

11:25And as ever, I think it'll be quite hard to tell that he's under pressure. I think he'll wear it very well, very calmly. He and Rosinia are quite similar characters, aren't they? Very much so. He might eat Rosinia's glasses. I mean, they're similar characters, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think you've said it there, Jim. Fair enough. Have you tried breathing? Have you tried taping your mouth when you sleep? Conte knocks him out. I mean, Conte, we know what he likes. We know he brings the fire. Almost certainly, though, with most of the teams, you win the championship and then the next season it kind of...

12:02There's a little bit of a hangover. Yeah, but hey, you've still got that Scudetto though, don't you? Yeah, You've still got it. They haven't had many in Napoli over the years, of course. Now, will Cole Palmer be important for Chelsea tonight? you would think so. He's recently revealed his brand new logo, Cold Palmer. Have you seen this? I have. What do you think? It's sort of the letters C &P folded over each other to make them look as if they're doing his celebration. Smart bit of design, that, to be fair. What I really like about this is, and I know this is going to change, I'm sure it is, but at the moment, he's not actually selling anything.

12:36He's just revealing the logo and the slogan of the logo, which is this is built, not shouted, which has clearly come up with himself, and it's clearly the first draft as well. Yeah. Because at that, it's just an odd phrase. Yeah, it's interesting. I'm sure he's going to start, you know, putting it on absolutely everything and, you know, selling sportswear and whatnot. But it does, you watch that and go, oh, so this, it really is just a launch for a logo. Yeah. This is all this is. Do you feel, though, that the capitalist powers that be, they're really trying to promote him and do all this sort of stuff?

13:10Well, he's a bankable character, isn't he? He's got a lot of charisma and a strange sort of anti-charisma. But it's a kind of anti-charisma because his kind of down-to-earth nature is very refreshing, isn't it? And the way he kind of, it's almost like he speaks without thinking and he's got no filter. But it is, isn't it? Like when he asked that waiter if he cooked the meal that he was eating, like it is mad and it's really enjoyable. So someone somewhere has gone, you know what, this is valuable. let's whack a logo on it and then whack that on everything it's not all the way there but there are kind of early early elements of Carl Pilkington about it we can put something in front of him and we can get an unfiltered not even a take just to say what you see reaction of asking your waiter if you cook the food just saying what that's funny I do find now though that obviously for years and years access to footballers was quite thin on the ground, whereas now it's saturation of it all.

14:15You can have too much. Yeah, and I think we call Palmer this almost like somebody just poking him, going, come on, dance with me monkeys. Do something funny, yeah. And he's just like, no, I'm not really interested. Can I just play some football, please? No, in fact, if I am going to dance, I'm going to do it for myself with this logo. Yes. Well, in the video, he was asked if people underestimate him, and he replies, well, I don't mind. So on the surface level, that looks like, obviously he's got final sign off on that and it looks like oh obviously you do mind because you're putting it out there and you know essentially putting a rebuttal to it but at the same time I'm very confident that he actually simply doesn't care and probably saw that and was like yeah fine I can stay in his form though for Chelsea that's an editor's choice indeed his form for Chelsea hasn't been brilliant though this season obviously back from quite a long injury well I think he's had a persistent groin injury hasn't he that's like stopped him playing and hampered him while he has been playing as well which is a great shame and there's also been the kind of injury that you need time away to have an operation and recover, which Karl Palmer hasn't had in two years?

15:13Three years, maybe? Yeah. Also, he's acutely aware it's a World Cup year now, and he has not featured in any of the recent England squads due to that injury, of course. So it just depends if he's shaken that injury off completely. It seems perhaps that he hasn't, or it's still an ongoing thing to be back completely 100 % of the races. But this is the type of game where a player of his quality can produce something and help Chelsea go through and again, remind everybody what he's got because fabulous player, great player. Linked to Manchester United though recently, which was an interesting one.

15:54Again, some were suggesting, oh, when he misses Manchester and so on and so forth. Although he himself, I think, was quite bemused by these links. Would he get into the current Manchester United? side under Michael Carrick and Steve Holland though Vish no he wouldn't it was as simple as that take your business elsewhere Cole take your logo and jog on I'm kind of half joking but you know with Bruno Fernandes at number 10 and Brian and Boomer I suppose when Boomer's maybe a bit further forward they'd find room for him it's not complicated or just shoot from anywhere pathetic yeah we don't need him but no yeah obviously obviously he'd be he'd be welcome but in this game Vish how do you do you trust Chelsea to put in a performance here because in the Champions League this season they've been sort of pedestrian at times magnificent at times thinking about that Barcelona game in particular it seems a little while ago now but they sometimes flattered to deceive a little bit obviously Liam Rosini is the new manager there again with Chelsea they're like a box of chocolates without the without the little menu-y bit.

17:06Yeah, but the chocolates are either like, it's either milk chocolate or like dark chocolate. I feel like they're quite... You're not leaning into the chocolate analogy. Some of these are missing. Yeah, those chocolates are on loan. It's not actually empty. I just find them quite uninspiring to watch. And partly because they don't really have a style. and I think that works well for them because I think people can come in and do their own thing essentially. You can have three central midfielders playing at the same time who broadly do exactly the same thing and take turns doing it. So I fully expect them to win this game tonight and do so in quite an unspectacular way.

17:52They are very much a Champions League team. Yes. And I think you've mentioned... I mean I say again like most of me is joking but I'm reserving like 10-15 % back of seriousness. they go on and win it or they go far do you know what I mean? or just like the final is PSG Chelsea and it's like okay that's not a surprise yes you can definitely see you know you can work out all the routes potentially to that final and at the very least have oh Chelsea could get a result here and that's enough in this competition isn't it? if you look back to the performance they put in against Barcelona at Stamford Bridge they were absolutely sensational they're electric obviously Barcelona got a man sent off in that game but I think that actually covered their blushes as we said at the time they were brilliant they were so so energetic pressed so hard they were so fluent in their attacking they've got that in them but they did under Maresca they had that in them we see what they've always had that though haven't they well true I mean yeah that is something about Chelsea this kind of like moneyed iteration of Chelsea they've always there's a lot of PSG about them they love these kind of games don't they did Graham Potter's Chelsea have that in them well no somewhere he couldn't find it but they ended up going quite far in the Champions League than they under Potter yeah yeah they did I mean they they made it through to the quarter finals of the 22-23 Champions League season.

19:05Oh, yeah. But then he also, he actually didn't take charge of the quarterfinals that they lost to Real Madrid, but he did take them through to that round. That's what I mean. They just managed to. And they've been unlucky in that they've just come up against House always wins Real Madrid. Yeah. Although beat them when Thomas Tuchel was in charge, of course, in that semifinal. But yeah, that's what I mean. It's such a funny side. They just managed to get some of it done. who knows right everybody coming up after this Pep Guardiola reveals he doesn't speak to his players

19:48we've got nine seconds left of the four out of minutes the ref should have another minute on Rathbone long range yes oh my word what a goal by Rathbone I love that man Ollie Rathbone have my children please take them welcome back to the football ramble everybody not even sire them take them the commentator there celebrating Ollie Rathbone's go and then giving him Ollie Rathbone the chance to have his children which feels like quite a burden to be honest doesn't it it feels like a dereliction of duties yeah there's a lot wrong with it on reflection Manchester City host Galatasaray this evening Man City need a win and for other results to go their way to avoid the dreaded playoff game.

20:33Yeah, so they'll be... I think they're probably going to be okay, aren't they? But their goal difference, there's a small chance it could go against them. But it kind of means that they should be looking for a comfortable win, which again, sets the table for quite a good football meal. They're not always going to be good, are they? Not always going to be good. Look, I understand Manchester City are a better side than Galatasaray. Galatasaray, though, themselves, have something to play for here. They are currently 17th with 10 points. They're only a couple of points above Napoli, who are 25th just outside it.

21:09So Galatasaray are in a particularly interesting situation. They're one of three teams, along with Borussia Dortmund and Carabag, up the back, who could make the top eight or miss out on the top 24 altogether. Yeah. Which is amazing. you see Vish and you're still not convinced by this glorious format well look Galatasaray I mean again it's a top Turkish team some of the names in there you've got to absolutely love it just a little reminder who's on the books of Galatasaray at the moment Davison Sanchez former Spurs man lovely of course he is why have you started with him well you know go from defence and then you know build up nicely alright fine Mauro Icardi of course is the captain although I mean we've known he's been there for a little bit Leroy Sané yeah lovely you're having a bit of Leroy Sané Ilkay Gundogan both of them going back to the Etihad of course your best mate as well Lucas Torreira Lucas Torreira yeah I mean of course you've got the huge headline actor Victor Osserman as well yeah but Mario Lumin is a nice name to shove in there so there's always a few there's always a few so we should see some if not most of them this evening but yes Gundogan and Leroy Sané returning to the Etihad Pep Guardiola called them incredible persons recently which does sound like if Jake Humphrey opened a university and it was like a come this way incredible person this is the incredible person's entrance but it's just the main entrance for everybody it's obviously particularly tall so you can get into it now Guardiola did say that he doesn't speak to his players although is this sarcastic pep talking he said the new generation of managers are just videos we are not man managers I don't talk to the players in the last three years I don't talk with them he sounds robotic he does I think there are probably points as a Man City player certainly last season where you think you know what if he doesn't want to chat I'm fine with that I'm absolutely fine with that maybe that's what's happened we know the great tactical detail he goes into Vish it's been lacking you might say the last year or two do you think that's what it is it's too much video yeah he stopped communicating with the players just through videos I hope the videos are of him saying what he wants to say to them in person I have me and Pete on Instagram DMs just send each other reels do you think that's what Pep's doing with his players yeah maybe what do you send Pete what kind of stuff or should we not he sends me some really weird things you know like I think he sends them to you to annoy you and then he sends them to me to and basically saying look what I just sent to Marcus and one of them one of them was a fruit giving birth to another fruit okay I don't I think he's familiar actually I think he might be trying to elevate his status I think you've blocks him.

23:49No, no, no. Because if I see something that will tickle Pete's fancy or Jim's or Luke's, usually I comment on your Insta stories because I'm a big fan of your Insta stories. But I'll just say one for Petey or one for Jimmy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or one for Lukey. The informal but friendly changing of the name and then a video that they will definitely appreciate. Savuncular, I'd say. Do you think so? Okay, fine. It's not a criticism. No, no, no, I take it as a criticism. But it's easy to, isn't it? Because, you know, uncles are such a broad church. Yeah, I am an uncle, though. True. Well, there you go.

24:25There we are, you see. So I can't fight the reality of the situation. But Pep Guardiola, yeah, clearly he's been quite sarcastic of late, hasn't he? If you remember, he was doing, sounded like he was having a big old puff of something the other day. Yeah. Which he wasn't doing, just so we're legally secure there. Or maybe he's discovered vapes. Maybe he has, Jim, maybe he has. he could do with chilling out and just going on to the harder stuff careful but look they're hosting Galatas Ray you didn't sound you didn't sound too convinced when you went yeah they'll probably be fine tonight and we'll get on to Liverpool when I say they'll probably be fine it's because it could be out of their hands couldn't it they could win and still it not be enough so it depends on the goal difference they could also get beaten by Galatas Ray Jim well who knows this is the marvellous thing right about now in terms of Premier League title race, everybody's having a go, particularly Arsenal at the moment, and so on and so forth.

25:19And it's kind of like, look, no team is like what they have been in the last few seasons. Oddly, though, the Premier League teams have been performing pretty well. I mean, look, in the top eight in the Champions League, there are five Premier League sides in there, which is remarkable. Yes, okay. A couple of them may slip out after tonight's doings, but, you know, Man City are obviously outside there. So, they have been doing pretty well, you simply have to say. And yet, with Manchester City, sorry, Neil deGarie Cook there, with Manchester City hosting Galatasaray, I look at that and I'm like, again, could be one for the neutrals because if Galatasaray, it's a nil-nil after a while or Victor Ossiman pops up with one or something.

25:59And again, because there are players like that that we're very familiar with. So you're aware of their qualities and you're aware that they can hurt you. So this, again, like, maybe it is just down to the format, but all of these games as we go through them, it's like, actually, maybe this is the one to watch for the neutral. Maybe. I mean, look, we're going to talk about Arsenal a bit. And Arsenal, okay. I don't think there's going to be many neutrals anywhere near that one. No, absolutely not. But Arsenal talk about how the nerves are creeping in and so on. The nerves have been there at the Etihad for a number of weeks now.

26:25It's been obvious in some of the Premier League games. And that will translate to a Champions League as well. And with Erling Haaland, who's gone five games without goal or assist for the first time in his whole Man City career. Again, you can see with him, the great man, everybody at some point has a little doubt in their confidence. Now, again, Erling Haaland still looks bulletproof. Do you know what I mean? He's an absolutely phenomenal forward. He will be remembered as one of the best forwards of his generation. But that's a significant run. And again, if he passes up on one, you saw what happened against Bode Glimt.

26:58So I think as well, I know we keep saying, oh, it's a run for the neutrals. I think you've got some good options here. And again, it flies in the face of what Vish thinks of the competition. I agree, yeah. I do think with this gold drought of Erling Haaland that people are talking about, all I see is that someone is going to pay soon. Someone is going to get badly, badly hurt trying to defend that man. Someone's getting first-degree goals. Yes. Nicely done. Could we see some first-degree goals between Eintracht Frankfurt and Tottenham Hotspur tonight? Seems very likely. Kind of like self-inflicted, like putting your hand on the fire.

27:35I mean, Spurs, you've got to hand it to them in the Champions League. they are taking care of Binis they will guarantee themselves a top 8 finish if they win away in Frankfurt and let's be very clear they are going to win this game they'll find Spurs in Europe and in recent times I'm sorry everyone's going to think what are you talking about they find a way Vish they do find a way they do I I mean this is our Spurs against their Spurs isn't it right in Ajax Frankfurt a little bit of that yeah there's a lovely little line I'm going to just skip ahead to in the running order here Mark sorry to step on your toes the last time either Frankfurt or their opponents didn't score three goals in one of their games was before Christmas they are all over the shop and if that's not enough bear in mind you've got Mario Gotzer in the squad Mishy Batshuay lovely series name Rasmus Hoyland's younger brother Oscar and you know they've got some great talent coming through Hugo Eketike and Omar Malmusha have gone through them recently so there's some great attacking footballers So Arnaud Calimuendo, who is on loan from Nottingham Forest, who've had a bit of an issue with, you know, players scoring, immediately hit the ground running.

28:44So there must be some sort of back channel between basket case football clubs there. True. He's ended up there. They've been pretty shy in the Champions League. I mean, they're already out. They've got four points. And Olympiacos in 24th have got eight, of course. They've lost five of their last six. I think they won the opening weekend. But other than that, it's just been a draw. Yeah, they conceded a goal from a deflected Vladimir Sofal cross at the weekend. They are all over the shop. They also, they beat Galatasaray 5-1 earlier in the competition but have lost by the same scoreline to Liverpool and Atletico Madrid in this competition.

29:15And they also lost 3-2 to Carabag. They are just mad. They are just quite mad thing to behold. They certainly are. And so, should all play into Spurs' hands, shouldn't it? In theory, yes. If, again, their European record is anything to go by, this is a Spurs victory. They qualify automatically and miss out on that dreaded playoff. Imagine Spurs turning up to your house and being like, oh, this is a mess. What have you been doing here? We sacked the manager, actually. Oh, yeah. Can we talk about something else? Oh, dearie me. Now, Juventus are interested in bringing Randall Colomuani back to the club after, I think it's fair to say he's had a disappointing load spell with Tottenham Hotspur.

29:58Former Heintracht Frankfurt man, Randall Colomuani, obviously. He's still got some chaos on him. Absolutely right. Currently on load at Spurs from PSG. but of course played for Juventus prior to that. So an odd situation there. I think Spurs are currently not open to letting any first team players go in this general transfer window. But I mean, it does seem like... Yeah, it does seem like it's not quite working out for him there, but at the same time, it's only six months into his career. It would seem possibly counterproductive to get rid of him now, unless you've got someone to come straight in and replace him.

30:30But I just feel like there was a period which one might say is over now at Manchester United, although some Man Utd fans may not want to say that, but it didn't matter who Amarim signed. They just become that iteration of Manchester United player. Get caught up in the quicksand of it all. Indeed. And we don't know how good they are as a footballer. Yeah. With Spurs right now, could Colin Morani play well in the Premier League? Maybe. You just don't know. That's the thing right now at Spurs, who they're signing and who they're getting in there. You kind of go, it's so kind of chaotic and a bit of a mess and it's not happening.

31:03It's like, yeah, he could go to Juventus and absolutely hit the ground running again you know yeah same with like Mathis Tell is Mathis Tell yeah Tell is another is it again similar sort of type of player has Richarlison been a good signing like objectively maybe but you don't know I mean the real Telltale sign will be at Spurs if you watch Conor Gallagher and go he's not putting a shift in yeah he's injured yeah do you know what I mean is he wheezing Conor Gallagher Conor Gallagher wheezing is that Pete or Conor Gallagher he's having to after about 40 minutes of the game. That's when you know it's going to be really, really bad.

31:38But look, as I keep stressing, Sotnum, they'll be favourites for this game. On previous, they will march into the next phase of the Champions League, avoiding that bloody awful playoff round. So good luck to them, I say. Again, not at the top of the pile. Could be one for the neutrals there to see what's going on. We shall see. Coming up after this, The Jose Mourinho and Alvaro Arbaloa saga continues.

32:16Oh, tonight, Arsenal host Kairat. Yes. Arsenal, of course, have guaranteed themselves a place in the round of 16. Barring something crazy, they will be top of the tree after this Champions League first round phase. Jim Campbell there's been a lot of chat about Arsenal since that loss to Vardouche and Antaraja's Manchester United how are you feeling now with Kyra coming to town and just generally about the football club I think it's actually kind of the perfect game really in a sense because it's extremely low stakes because they've guaranteed a top two finish which gives you that advantage of playing your second legs at home so you know even if something ludicrous happens or he puts loads of children out and they lose which he won't do but you know it's extremely low stakes it's a chance for the team to hopefully put in a good performance with very little pressure on them at home they need to start scoring again and this feels like an opportunity for them to kind of just play with a bit of freedom and potentially do that so yeah I'm looking forward to it I'm going to the game I'm not overly worried to be honest there's been a lot of noise which is noise what you're referring to and it was a frustrating performance of the weekend and I think Arsenal were rightly criticised for the manner of it and the mistakes and as I said on Monday I think there's a big mentality issue at play there as well and it's something that they need to overcome and they need to acknowledge it and address it and start essentially attacking that.

33:42Do you like the fact that Martin Odegaard has admitted that Arsenal's failure to get over the line in previous seasons is in the back of their minds? I mean, it's inevitable. Well, I'll read the quotes on that. Please. Obviously it's a factor but it can be a good factor as well. It gives you more fuel and more hunger and determination to get it done. We've experienced it in all these seasons that it is a long run and a lot of things happen. Be together now, look for the next game and bounce back. But you wouldn't know that from what the producers have put in the running order, would you? From the who are daily starification of this running order suggests that Martin Odegaard is cowering in a corner going, oh, we're scared.

34:13This is a type of agenda that I come up against every day. Every day. Every single day. Every day. Blimey. Yeah, no, Arsenal fans, you guys definitely are like the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars. Yeah. I'm happy to play Vicious More Vader. I'm probably the Emperor. Vader Vader and you're the emperor yeah Pete's the one who's huffing and puffing he's Vader that's a very fair point alright you're Darth Maul then I'll take that he's got two he's got two lightsabers oh he does doesn't he yeah he's the double one Darth Maul's a cool one yeah if this conversation can be cool he does get mashed up at the end though spoilers he does cut in half and kicked down a well yeah a big old well big old space well so as of today okay since Arsenal last won the title when the Invincibles in 2004 they spent 885 days at the top of the Premier League right that will take over to a thousand if they hold this position on May 23rd which is the day before the last game of the season well bugger me with a fish form brought his own mean stats yeah he went home to get them that is well it's quite an interesting stat it speaks a lot to consistency and I suppose what Odegaard is referencing there.

35:29You're right, because it does speak a lot to consistency while also speaking a lot to the opposite of that, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. But I think the important thing that Odegaard did there was meet it head on. I think it's very difficult and counterproductive in a dressing room to assume that everyone is as stoic as the hardest bastard in there. Yeah. And I think it is good. Who is the hardest bastard in there? Gabriel. Gabriel, yeah. Yeah. Okay. But I actually think it's beneficial to have those kind of conversations in the open there are a there are a history of teams in the modern year in particular who have been open about their fears behind closed doors to their teammates and benefit from it and the biggest example i have just through my own experience through work i mean um in the 2019 uh one day world cup um well no no but england England were favourites going into it in a home tournament and they lost a game and everyone was like...

36:29It was early on they lost that game. Yeah, they had a team meeting and Ben Stokes of all people, the hardest cunt in the room, stood up and went, you know what, I'm actually pretty nervous. And everyone went, oh, thank fuck, so weird. Yeah, yeah. And I think in this situation it's silly to deny at this point. Yeah, 100%. It's silly to deny that three seasons of second place finishes... Let Vish tell everybody what happened at the end of the tournament. And they won the tournament. Yes, they did. I see I see I'm nervous about the World Cup wink wink that's your propellers I'm the hardest bastard in England yeah you are yeah it's a great point so that everyone should chill out now you and the bloke who eats pies for breakfast the Bosch man yeah yeah yeah well look I find it interesting the Arsenal fans are still confident though there was there was there's been and funnily enough some videos doing the rounds on socials of Arsenal fans chatting away and I understand Arsenal fans chatting away That is a big percentage of all internet traffic at the moment, to be fair.

37:24And I understand that about 10 Arsenal fans very much do sum up the mood of all Arsenal fans. But still confident about winning trophies, as they should be this season. Because, I mean, the other option is to just completely lose your head and start predicting that the end is nigh and whatnot. And, you know, they're in a really good position. They're in a brilliant position. I do think, Vish, you're right. that it's kind of different actually that they are unless i'm kind of forgetting the kind of chat of the previous three seasons this feels slightly different than they are kind of acknowledging this this kind of nervousness and this trepidation a bit more vocally and again i think it's a good thing michael arteta spoke about um a regular kind of team meeting they have where they kind of discuss like the kind of the lay of the land and and how everyone feels everything's going they had one of those which sounds like it was you know very positive and and has kind of kind of reset that narrative a little bit based on that and that's really all you can do off the pitch isn't it so there's you know there's still four points clear at the top that is probably this is the wrong way to look at it but that is a defeat in a draw as an overdraft there you go you'd rather you'd rather have it than not right well this is it look i've just been saying how tonight okay i win three or four nil but like galatasaray facing manchester city i don't trust man city that much this season again the nervousness has been there to to to lend a teensy amount of credence to some of the Arsenal fans chat about this immediate agenda against us.

38:49Very few people have been saying that about Man City this season, I would say. The chat is very much, oh, Arsenal getting the heebie-jeebies and all this kind of stuff. I just look at this and think, Arsenal have been very good in the Champions League, quite clearly. They're top of the tree and they will win that, I say win it, they will finish first, which is beneficial. And it's always good to finish first, I think you'll find. They're still top of the Premier League as well. I think you're right, Jim, this is a nice fixture for maybe a few players to have a little bit of a rest just to calm down.

39:17And it's all about drowning out the noise. And I found what Martin Odegaard said quite interesting. So if they lose tonight, of course, but then I'd be amazed if they did. So Kyrat, just beware. You're up against a tough side is all I'm saying. But do try and take a few pot shots from distance. You might get a bit of joy. Now, Liverpool themselves will guarantee a top eight finish if they win at home to Carabao. Do you trust them, Vish? No. No, this would be the funniest. Would it? Yeah, I think so. Said as a Man United fan. Yeah. Even funnier than Man United fans have got more, generally sort of more ill feelings towards Liverpool.

39:54Yeah, I mean, I obviously see him winning. He's smirking away there at the thought of it. Yeah, look at him. He's allowed to do that. Yeah. I know, I'm drawing attention to it. Yeah, don't zoom in too close. I think it is fascinating seeing where Liverpool are. I think it was on the mailbag on Tuesday that you guys had a really good chat about, you know, if you swap the seasons around almost, if this was Slott's first season, where does it, you know, how much leeway is he given and stuff like that. I think the panic to me is strange. And also like, I don't really want to get into the minds of Liverpool fans and try and understand it because it seems a bit all over the place.

40:37And I don't need that confusion in my life. but there's an element of the Champions League is now not the respite it used to be for Liverpool I mean honestly it has been like being a Manchester United fan for them because it feels like every result changes the conversation slightly but not the overarching conversation so they could win this and it'll be fine but then you know struggle on the weekend but also now it comes down to the way they might win this game even though as you say they're in a great position they have all the cards in their favour to guarantee that top 8 position but yeah funny old times well it is and Carabao got something to play for they're 18th on 10 points you know so yeah they've done well yeah I mean all things considered yeah one of people would think of them as being one of the minnows 10 points from the 7 games that they've played so far absolutely I mean they could even lose this and if results go their way they would be in that playoff round of course so I think that yeah I don't think it's a guarantee for Liverpool at home again another one for all those neutrals out there.

41:39How many screens have you got today? Well, you're going to have to have a few. You are going to have to have a few. I think to rank them in order of the games we've just spoken about there. I think you should, because I think this is a public service. Firstly, I think if you live near an old-fashioned TV shop where they have TVs in the window, you can stand outside in flashbacks, maybe. Do it. Right, so I'm going to need your help for the first one PSG Newcastle or Napoli Chelsea PSG Newcastle alright okay so PSG Newcastle then Napoli Chelsea I think we'll all agree Man City Galatasaray Eintracht Frankfurt Spurs or Liverpool Carabag I think City Galatasaray I'm tempted because of the names on display with Galatasaray yeah tempted to say them and then I think you go a very close what fourth after that would be Liverpool Carabag no I think Frankfurt Spurs over that because it's likely to be a bit more of a chaotic game whatever game you're watching but Eintracht Frankfurt don't have anything to play for really that's the point there yeah exactly but they can't be trusted as Jim's made the point whatever game if you watch a game that isn't Eintracht Frankfurt tonight you're going to be annoyed by that game because in the top right corner every five minutes will be a goal yeah alright so that's my I'm ranking them like that I think I'll go PSG Newcastle Napoli Chelsea I don't know I think Liverpool Carabao you suspect Liverpool might slip up here I think they'll have an almighty scare right but I think they'll just about get through it but Arsenal-Cairat is a compulsive viewing without a shadow of a doubt without a shadow of a doubt are you just going to that for a bit of peace and quiet

43:31he knows I'm going to be there I'm working oh are you oh there you are well yeah got to do my tax return as well so yeah you want to see me in a suit is it one of those where can you rip it off all at once yeah all at once Velcro down the side brilliant might I throw in one more for the neutrals go on Jose Rino's Benfica host Real Madrid oh you you absolutely might you this is amazing the stuff that's come out around this it's also like the Conte thing host yeah come right in yeah sit down no there isn't a whoopee cushion there yeah yeah yeah there might be a tripwire though yeah all of them he's managed to do it on the bus yeah last week Jose Mourinho it was described appeared to make a jibe if Mourinho if it appears like a jibe it's a jibe yeah if it looks like a jibe and it sounds like a jibe it's a jibe so what I love about this well he's former player and current Real Madrid head coach Alvaro are below I should say yes so I mean the thing is about this is I didn't realise sort of quite how close they were when Arbeloa was a player at Real Madrid.

44:36So Arbeloa has been one of Mourinho's kind of most staunch public defenders and one of his kind of greatest supporters. That was while he was at the club and that was also after the club when he was questioned about their relationship a lot of the time. And when Arbeloa left Jose Mourinho's Madrid side for West Ham, Jose said, to me, Arbeloa is a friend, not just a player. In my 16 years as a coach, he's undoubtedly among the most important players I've worked with. A great player and an exceptional man. He recently said, apropos of nothing, just after Abloa got the Madrid job, it's a surprise when coaches with no history or body of work have the opportunity to manage the most important clubs in the world.

45:13No one is safe. No one. It's incredible. Yes, but Mourinho wants something. Of course he does. Which I'll be allowed. Of course he does. You know what he's going to do? He is going to go up to, when both teams are lining up to head out onto the pitch, Mourinho is going to walk down that Real Madrid line and pretend to be maced with every single Real Madrid player. Pile off his own players, really. You know, when people do that, when someone more important comes into a room, that's going to be Mourinho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's going to be like, I know these players better than this no-mark coach.

45:45Yeah, well, Abuelo responded by saying, you all know what Jose Mourinho means to me. When someone with that experience and history speaks, I always try to listen and analyse. Try to listen. Yeah. He's trying very hard at the moment. Quite wonderfully, Real Madrid reportedly regretting loaning out Endric to Leon after he scored a hat-trick in Sturko. He has been dynamite for them. Yeah, he has. Absolute dynamite. That was a Jabby Alonso decision, wasn't it? So that's now irrelevant. I'd love it if they said, can we get Jabby Alonso's word on that? And he's just doing the old Tony Pulis.

46:18But it's that Ligue 1 is a bit more open. It's a bit more back and forth. We've seen it with Nguyenieri as well. And he'll get minutes there. He'll get minutes there. so here we are everybody plenty for all the neutrals to get involved with tonight you can't take your eyes off it thank you for listening to the Football Ramble part of the ACAST Creator Network friends of the Ramble don't go anywhere keep listening for Ramble Uncut and if you're not a friend of the Ramble head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to sign up now thank you Vish thank you thank you Jim thank you and thank you Champions League new format

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