Pete’s cheesy knees

0:00Journey with me into the mind of a maniac ladies and gentlemen welcome to the football ramble Chelsea, Mark, John and the Carabao and Newcastle and Fulham are up tonight. It's Wednesday, 17th of December. I'm Marcus Filler. I'm Pete Donaldson. Wow. Wow.

0:24And he's Luke Moore. Yeah, that's me. You had enough time. Shocked he was. To his core. My mind was going to a place where I was thinking, he can't get faster than this. No. And he did. It's like watching a man eat two Battenbergs. It was. Claggy. Very much like that. It got very claggy. Never confirmed or denied that I did that. Can I take just a slight point of order on the journey with me into the mind of a maniac? Yep. Great line. It's the opening line to Natural War and Killers, Dre featuring Ice Cube. Right. Of course it is. But he's missed out the second line, which makes up one of the funniest intro lines into a hip-hop song.

0:58It's journey with me into the mind of a maniac. I'm doomed to be a killer since I came out the nutsack. Oh. Right. You could have included that. I would have gone so fast that I would have been advertising micromachines for those old enough to get that reference you'd have been they'd come in collections of five by the way you'd have been the large Hadron Collider you'd have been I almost guarantee that if they were micromachines now they'd be packs of two wouldn't they? probably yeah trickflation baby yeah that's true too many calories in a pack of five thanks to friend of the ramble Adam Granger for giving us that intro line if you want to submit an intro line for a future episode and become a friend of the Ramble on Patreon.

1:36Sign up for just five bucks a month. You'll get an extended edition of today's Ramble. It happens every Wednesday. We affectionately call it Ramble Uncut. So get involved there. Now, Christmas is the time of giving and you can now gift a subscription to the Football Ramble Patreon. How about that? That's a brilliant idea. Isn't that a great idea? If you're a Patreon subscriber yourself and you think, I know several people, let's say 25 people, who would also love this, I'm going to give every single one of them it for Christmas for five years that'll be great well you can customise the length of the subscription anything from a month to a year so you can't do five years Luke so start with a year do it five times yeah there you go so don't be like Pete Donaldson and wait until Christmas Eve to get your shopping done that's actually quite accurate this year but do remember you can't order that online it won't come before the big day don't be like Pete Donaldson's mum and do your roast potatoes on the 19th of December but do click in the show notes now and give a special someone a Football Ramble patron subscription this Christmas.

2:36Slip him a year. Yeah, definitely. Mother, I've slipped you a year. Joke aside, that is a genuinely very good present. It is a really good present. It's the sort of thing you sort of go, oh, I would get that if I, oh, oh. And then somebody gets you and you're like, fucking brilliant. You ain't going to remember a pair of socks. You ain't going to remember the old toiletries. How long's a DVD these years? Even with... People getting DVDs, are they still? Probably. But you are going to remember some of the stories that will be told on today's Ravalunker. Good news for the Donaldson family to get for Christmas, by the sounds of it.

3:04Shrek 2. DVDs of Pete Donaldson stories. Oh, look forward to that. Now, last night in the Carabao Cup, Cardiff City lost 3-1 at home to those mighty West London Blues. Chelsea, as they're actually called. 3-1 it was, Luke Moore. It was. Alejandro Garnasco scored two goals. Because of course he did. Because of course that's exactly the kind of thing that Alejandro Garnasco will do, isn't it? Yes, it is. He'll score two goals in a League Cup quarterfinal, which will be instantly forgotten, and people still won't be able to decide whether he's good or not. You remember that overhead kick, though, at Goodison Park?

3:38I do know you mentioned it. Yeah, yeah. He's obviously capable of great things. He is capable of great things. But do you understand what I mean? He's exactly the kind of player who would do that, isn't he? Well, yes. The first one was a total gift, by the way, as well. I felt so sorry for the young lad at the back. I did. His second goal was lovely. He took it very quickly. I mean, obviously, he was in on goal. It was a good finish. I thought the touch and finish was rather delightful. I mean, Chelsea were obviously heavy favourites for this, but Cardiff City, they gave them a game, and I think...

4:05They got it at one-all, 75th minute. Oh, I mean, that was a great header. That equaliser was nice as well. It was Keith Houchin-esque. Oh, now you're talking. Lovely diving header. Not in the same position. And not on the run. Houchin is absolutely full stretch. Right, okay. Every sinew is being stretched. I'm trying to sort of give Turnbull the love and the flowers. I would give it perhaps a more of a Teddy Sheringham vibe. Okay. Instinctive. He loved a stooping header. He did. Got to hit it down to the ground. That's what they said. But there was a moment in the game in the first half. Of course, Chelsea did take a wee while to get off the mark.

4:410-0 at halftime in Cardiff would have been relatively happy with that given they're a League One side. But there was a moment in the first half with Moises Cosedo who I like to think has been chucked back in there for the League Cup away at Cardiff because he got a suspension. It was a little punishment for Maresco, who's been a bit emo at the moment. But there was a bit, a lovely moment where he just took a touch, took about three other midfielders out the game and played an amazing through ball. Chelsea didn't score, but it was a brilliant passenger play. Yeah. And it made, if I was playing in midfield for Cardiff at that point, I'd have gone, oh.

5:11Yeah, that's annoying. Can he do that whenever he wants? Because it's going to get into a bit of a long evening if he can. But overall, Chelsea made a lot of changes as well. It's probably worth saying. You know, they've got a big squad. they've got a lot of young players they changed a lot of players and still were able to get the job done I mean this was let's be honest no disrespect to Cardiff but they are in League One this was the tie that a lot of the Premier League sides myself included Fulham would have wanted but Cardiff gave a good account of themselves ultimately Chelsea go through but you know two late goals and there we have it Chelsea find themselves in that semi-final waiting to find out who they're going to play after tonight's action and of course it will still be a two-legged affair Yeah, and rightly so.

5:53Some of these traditions are worth preserving. You know, what is quite interesting about the League Cup is if you look at it in the context of Cardiff scoring that equaliser with 15 minutes to go, obviously they weren't able to do this because Chelsea brought on Pedro Neto and he was able to score. Quite a fortunate goal, by the way. Neto's one was the one that was deflected right into the corner, wasn't it? The keeper couldn't get to. So that was fairly fortunate. But anyway, had they been able to close it out, of course, you go straight to penalties in the League Cup, right? That's right, yeah.

6:20So it does seem a bit closer than it would have done normally because half an hour extra time against a Premier League side is a lot to plan. Yeah, the conditioning is going to get you there. You take penalties all day long. Of course you do. Which is why it was a bit... And also as well, with that, the spirit of having penalties straight after the 90 minutes is of course, to give smaller sides a bit more of a chance, you would say, and also because bigger sides may complain about fixture congestion and playing more football. Yeah. Two-legged semi-finals. Why are you still doing that? Marcus is annoyed about this because I think I'm right in saying that Fulham got through Liverpool in the semi-final.

6:57That's right. And you thought to yourself at the time, I remember you saying, across two legs, we've just got no chance. No, absolutely none. If Cardiff, say Cardiff had managed to switch, say it went to penalties and they won, whoever they get in that semi-final, there's no chance. Because you're over two legs, you're not going to beat a better side over two legs. When you're watching Joel Willick's brother come on and just go up a blind alley and you're like, yep, he's got it. It's in the family. Do you know what the real sick there is? I think for Cardiff is they didn't get the extra 25 grand for getting to the semi-final which is good I mean they've probably only spent it as well well yeah I mean you do get I think yeah for winning the fourth round which they did they'd have got 15 grand so that goes beyond the bar that is a behind the bar vibe there's your parking cupboard in London and of course the winner that 100 grand pot if you win the damn competition Whoa.

7:51Yeah, I think it's 100 grand. It's about 100, 150 grand. Forgive me. It's basically like the... Either or it's well worth winning. It's basically like the financial prize on Pointless. Who stumps up that money? Is it the sponsor? Yeah, of course. Right. It must be. It has to be. The good people at Carabao. Carabao are getting a lot of coverage for the outlay, presumably. Yeah, I think so. But on Pointless is absolutely obscene. Sometimes you'll go on Pointless and you'll be on it for three days. You'll get to the final. and if you get a pointless answer in the final, the prize is like 750 quid.

8:21It's the unique... And they even still... Yeah. Yeah, but they tell the piss. They say to them, what are you going to do with it? And people say, oh, you know, I quite fancy a holiday. Yeah. Where are you going? A couple of days in the cockpit. Exactly. If you're lucky. If you're very lucky, I was going to say. If you're camping. Here's your BFH, your Bosphorum. Exactly. Just be honest with us, Carabelle. But we don't get an awful lot of opportunity on this show to say, to talk about League One clubs and I'm not going to do a big deep dive but what I would say Cardiff fans who are listening today will want us to mention they're having a really good season.

8:53They are having a good season. They're doing well. Caught a fire on the Carabao is not too bad as well. Not too bad a return. Which is why they would have much preferred say a Fulham in this round because they could have done something. Because they'd have fancied it. They'd have fancied it. And I think they gave a fairly good account of themselves, I have to say. So, you know, fair play to them. I mean, won't Chelsea bring on the talent that they can? Correct. That's when you kind of go, oh, bloody hell. but they were still in it right to the end so fair play to Cardiff as you say. Now, Cole Palmer wasn't involved but it has been reported that he could release his own range of aftershaves.

9:26He's going to drink it. Well, you know he's already got a deal with Burberry. Right. Has he? I believe so, yes. Wow. Yes, he has. I love this. In this particular publication which I'll keep unnamed. I know what you're going to say. attacking midfielder Cole already has a deal with Burberry alongside Oscar winning actress Olivia Colman right I don't think they came as a pair despite their are you brother and sister look at our surnames again it's the odd couple yeah oh I could see I could see like her looking after him like a boy on a on a trip yeah do you know what I mean I don't think he'd be bothered though Peter right okay I don't know what does bother him maybe scoring goals not scoring goals well what I thought you were going to say is that the the aforementioned aforementioned publication also took the time in this story to use rudimentary AI type software to mock up a bottle of what Cole Palmer aftershave could look like and it's just Acqua de Palma with Cole Palmer's name on it Blue Freeze it's called and it's got the arms folded and the hands obviously resting on the guns Who's buying that?

10:36Peter? What would the newspaper in question does that show smell like? Blood, probably. Yeah, probably wood. It'd be more on their hands, though, not on their arms. Yeah, only to be relied on hands, please. You'd give it a go, wouldn't you, Petey? I'd put anything on me body once. Petrol. Yeah, that's one you learn from very quickly, isn't it? Most people don't need to learn it that way. What would you say your general musk is on a day-to-day basis? odour to Elon it's regret cheese cheese and regret rennet just a strong whiff of rennet from when you microwave cheese as a student but also if you do get an injury you do the old what was his name Felix Magat right rub the old cheese on the knees on the ailment Pete Ormond joking aside Pete does generally smell very nice usually yeah he does but he also has terrible boffs you've got he's doing a lot of pumps come on come on he's just doing a lot of pumps I thought it was Jim who hated pumps, not you.

11:39Seriously. I wouldn't even want this chat on Uncut. Anyway. I was just going to say, sometimes Pete does smell vaguely of wood shavings because of all the DIY he does. That's all right, I'll take that. That's not a bad smell. Creosote, wood shavings, lovely old job. DIY or just chopping stuff. It's DIY! One day it may become DIY, but that remains to be seen when you've built your ark. Well, look, it's a good win for Chelsea. Things have been slightly odd at Chelsea recently, Certainly according to Maresca, of course, after they beat Everton 2-0 on Saturday, Maresca described the build-up to the game as the worst 48 hours since he joined the club.

12:15And then he refused to reveal what he meant by that. I rate that. I do as well. A lot of people have had their say on this, and they think that he's having a dig at the powers that be at Chelsea. Could well be. He left it quite vague for obvious reasons. Then he got worried that people would think he was talking about the fans. Yes. No, not the fans. I love the fans. I'm very happy with the fans. so what about some sections of the fan I mean the fan base have not been that sold on Mareska since he's been there understandably because sometimes last season they're world champions Marcus what do the fans want well that certainly appeased them for a bit but I think so with the model they have obviously it's a young squad and they're selling and buying and so on and Mareska has said that this is maybe not conducive if you want to win a title you've got to get some proper experience and then you've got to keep players and whatnot not and the fact is the situation with the with whoever they've got playing up front okay i think de lapp was a decent signing but i mean you can't expect de lapp to go in the go right now we're really going to challenge for now for the time whatever um so that seems to be so mares is clearly slightly miffed so i i would i would suspect but the fans though his style of football sorry to finish the point it has been a bit pedestrian at times despite winning that club World Cup but let's be honest that happened outside the regular season if you see what I mean it's a bit of a funny one all the credit in the world for winning it and particularly beating what would have been an exhausted PSG but PSG all the same and the way they beat them was cool as well it was brilliant yeah and I think in those one-off games as you saw recently much talked about the Arsenal game and Barcelona Chelsea can do that it is those games in between that you've got to put away and sometimes there has been rumblings with some of the fan base that we want a bit more and I think a lot of people do look at Chelsea the comments came off the back of them losing to Atalanta in the Champions League right?

14:04Yeah so there you go so another good example so what I liked about it was that it had all the energy of like a 2008 Facebook status right okay because it was just like I feel like pure shit today yeah just me and the kids now yeah wanting people to comment what's up hun don't worry about it don't worry about it it's just me and the kids now I'll come back stronger from what? yeah hate bastards he's not normally like this though is he? he's not normally so cryptic I think he's very emotionally led, though. I mean, the actual quote is that he said, he said, worst 48 hours since I joined the club because people didn't support me and the team.

14:40Since I joined the club, the last 48 hours have been the worst because many people didn't support us. Yeah, so many is interested. Is he talking about the media? But that seems a bit odd if he's going to do that. But if he's talking about the hierarchy, how many of them are there? I don't think you can realistically say that he hasn't been supported and backed in terms of amount of players. Yeah, I mean, and it's come off the back, the timing of it is also they've played five games in 12 days. So you naturally would think, oh, maybe it's just alone. He feels like he hasn't got the players he needs.

15:07But at Chelsea, that's just not true. They've got so many players. So maybe he's just having a bad day. Well, some thinking that if it is a dig at the board, which some people think it is, then that just doesn't bode well when you start doing that in public. And I know one or two pundits have said that they don't expect him to be there next season. Goodness knows. but look this Chelsea side as I say it wouldn't be a surprise at all if they go on and win this League Cup I know there's other decent teams in it like I say for some weird reason if they won the Champions League I'd be like yeah of course they have do you know what I mean like there's such a they've been like that for a while though they won the Champions League on the Tuchel and it was kind of mad well that was crazy yeah and they won it under Di Matteo going back a few more years totally yeah so I think that they are capable of these things but at the same time there's no way I don't think they're going to be in a title race which again to be fair to the supporters they were very quick to cool that because they see their team week in week out and they are not convinced by that and that is ultimately really a lot of that going around this season though isn't there there's a lot of that going around this season there's a lot of teams that are right up there their fan base is going no bloody way I want every Aston Villa supporter in the studio the next hour and I'm going to ask them all individually but I think with Chelsea ultimately for a club that size and with that recent tradition and so on you've got to move towards challenging for the title because your Premier League title is your bread and butter but they've gone about they've gone about running the club the way they've gone about it yeah and Maresco would have gone into that eyes open that was happening before Maresco it wasn't an on-field kind of set up was it really it was all just like you know by weird cheap players and then just sort of no on massive long contracts on long contracts and then and ship them off eventually but so that's what you get on the field chaos yeah maybe maybe someone did like a really really really bad boff in the dressing room.

16:56Yeah, that's probably why they're in the Bomb Squad dressing room. And Maresca didn't feel supported with ventilation or whatever. Many, many people. Yeah, yeah. I'm intrigued by that. But anyway, maybe we'll find out in time. Yeah. Now, Chelsea. Yes, of course, in that Club World Cup they were in North America and presumably some Chelsea fans went over there to see them. They did. They're still around. Maybe they've got lost. Maybe they're still in the water. Famously very cash-rich Chelsea fans. Exactly. They'd be a fan of waving their£20 notes around, didn't they? Well, good news for those fans and some other fans of various footballing nations.

17:33FIFA has introduced a small number of more affordable World Cup tickets, presumably because everyone has gone absolutely crazy. Apart from Pete. Other than a handful of people who are really proud of their tickets. I gave a shit. I just think it's indicative of how everything else works. There's going to be some£45 tickets, Mark, aren't there? that's right yeah $60, 45 pounds roughly translating to the old quids free fair binoculars with those do you get well I sincerely hope so and some sort of sunshade and that's for all of the 104 matches happening at next year's World Cup so I think it amounts to sort of 10 % of of the capacity of capacity yeah which is something the new ticket price is said to be available to a certain number of as they describe it loyal fans I don't know what you've got to do to become a law fan.

18:23I don't want to think about it. Maybe buy a load of the more expensive tickets. And then you've done it. You've proved it. They can have a four. It's buy 25, get one free. Sorry, buy 25, get one for 45. What I would say is that it's really important. Sorry, joking aside, I don't want to get loose sight of the fact. This is a really important development because I know for a fact, people were telling me, people were WhatsAppping me about this. I can't reveal the source or whatever but people were saying that they know for a fact that Rio Ferdinand has been working day and night with the FIFA hierarchy to secure this in his capacity as man of the people you're embarrassing me I'm a man of the person people yeah Rio's got a lot we've got a lot to thank Rio perhaps some kind of statue to replace the Bobby Moore one outside Wembley in return for his his tireless work getting FIFA to be reasonable about these ticket prices thanks strong thanks to him So it's a step in the right direction for FIFA, you would say.

19:22And a step in the right direction from Rio. Well, what I think this will do, it is somewhat encouraging because we've seen it move. There has been a reaction from FIFA, even though they're still full of nonsense. It's a reaction. And so I think that supporters groups are saying, right, this should empower them a little bit more and go, right, let's push for more. Hopefully, yeah. Because, okay, you'd rather that than nothing. so fine okay Fever we give you a tiny little bit of credit there because you have done something but it's not enough someone doing something someone doing the bare minimum to make it better in a begrudging way under huge amount of duress because of massive outcry is still a good thing you've got to acknowledge that so there's your acknowledgement well done but we want you to let us acknowledge more of what you've done if you want a good acknowledging then come on you know what to do if Rio Ferdinand is this good at bringing prices down?

20:17Maybe he could be new Chancellor, new Chancellor Exchequer. Well, that would be something, wouldn't it? Yeah, see him at the dispatch box with his red briefcase. Yeah, right next to Sakia Starmer who said this on X. As someone who used to save up for England tickets, I encourage FIFA to do more to make tickets more affordable. That'll sort it. That'll sort it. Well, look, I mean, he's going to be on the campaign trail in 2029, so Euro 2028, which is obviously in his backyard. He can be the change. He can affect the change and have$40 tickets, have a chat with UEFA. Let's start working on this now.

20:51I say that the tickets for the final of the last Euros in Berlin, I think, started at 83 quid. So, you know... Delicious. Absolutely delicious. I don't want to give... George and Bungle. I don't really want to say UEFA are on top of things because they sometimes struggle, but that shows you the difference. The Euros final tickets, I think, started at 83 quid. Tickets are started at over 3 ,000. for this one yeah there's got something's going to have to give I think something will give on this kind of ridiculous entry into the US stuff as well at some point I would have thought you reckon I think so yeah I think a lot of these rules have already been in place but they just weren't really enforced but when you look at actually they've been enhanced when you look at like the T's and C's of all of that stuff it always sounds like absolutely insane you've had to give your Twitter handles for a long time well we did when we went there that was a visa situation but on the Estes Well, it's not fair.

21:45I've applied for an Esther quite recently and you've had to sort of do your thing. I'm amazed yours got through. Yeah, but up until very recently, that was optional on the form. Yeah, yeah. It's not optional. Just make one of them. Well, I did think to myself, if the football ramble were going to venture out to North America for the World Cup, ticket prices, I don't think that's going to happen. But I was a bit like, seriously, lads, we need to go to Canada or Mexico. I'm well up for that. Yeah. I don't know what technology they've got, but they could scan through these podcasts. We can delete posts, but we can't delete the pods alright we used to be safe because AI couldn't get into audio to sort of transcribe everything now it can yeah are you guys the football rebel?

22:22no football rebel's all done by AI now those guys over there are yeah right anyway enough of the bollocks coming up after this could Ruben Amorim finally have a new system?

22:45Go around the Premier League and ask all of the Premier League managers, do you play the looky-likesy game? And if they give you a boring answer, we'll drive down and we'll slap them with a wet fish. Well, back to the football ramble, everybody. Sean Dyche there wielding his fish. The hell is the looky-likesy game? A summary in absolute microcosm of why I think Sean Dyche is a tedious man. He's 100 % laying the groundwork for him to be some kind of TV personality post-football. Yeah. He sees himself as like an Ian Wright type character. I think he'd like to host The Apprentice. 100 % 100 % great shout by the way 100 % I thought we'd quite like to see it yeah he's not a businessman though is he so oh a bit harsh so he wouldn't be the Alan Sugar guy he'd want to he'd host it yeah but how do you know how do you know what his business interests are yeah exactly well he just stands next to the world talk about walk muck doesn't he but he's managed people yeah he's managed people he's managed people you're fired and as we know now the apprentice is a stepping stone to become president of the United States exactly I know he said that a while ago that quote but he's presumably cock-a-hoop after that absolute drubbing they gave Spurs at the weekend so he's going to be insufferable in the press conferences this week right let's talk about Manchester United they drew 4-0 with Bournemouth on Monday night an 8-goal thriller at Old Trafford that's what we want it was what a game I would like to make two I would like to deliver two hot takes about this game one is slightly hotter than the other so I'll give you the more tepid one first alright I mean that was the game of the season it was the game of the Premier League season I didn't think You'd have too much pushback.

24:13Yeah, yeah, yeah. There have been a couple of good ones. Of course there have. We're in December. That's the best league in the world. If Fulham would have bloody equalised against Man City. That was the other obvious contender. I actually think for different reasons, like, you know, the Liverpool-Arsenal game is really interesting as well. What, the 1-0 Liverpool? Yeah. Come on. Yeah, but it's not the same type of game. Anyway, that's the tepid take. The hot take I would stick out there is that I think that for at least half an hour and possibly even a bit longer, I think that's the best Man United have played under Amarim there was something there wave after wave of attack there was definitely something there so even when Semenyo scores the equal I was to make it one all after 40 minutes that was massively against the run of play United were like almost I'm not going to use the word vintage United but you could see it from there there was something about I've never seen that happen under Amarim before worth the season ticket attendance wasn't it really about half an hour about half an hour it's a couple of grand but you get a good half an hour exactly yes ticket prices start from 3 ,100 pounds I've arrived now it's an absolute snip no I get what you're saying there was something and and when Manchester United I mean Old Trafford was pumping as well and when they went 4-3 up great goal from well a good goal sorry the great goal from Fernandes and then Cunha obviously scored Fernandes free kick was an absolute beauty lovely one there's free kicks and then there's free kicks the absolute pace on that because the ball what was it Tavernier who scored and that was a lovely free kick from his point of view although keeper being beaten there you'd think a top quality keeper would save that obviously he's a young keeper and he's new to the league yeah I don't want to I don't want to digress too much from what you're about to say but very quickly as an aside you have to give Lomans a lot of credit because he's come in and the chat's gone quiet oh my goodness and to quiet the chat around main goalkeepers in 2025 is fucking hard to do which is why I'm sort of slightly reluctant but it's more that I wanted to say that with Fernandes' one even though that's keeper's side it's a beauty he's not stopping it it's an absolute beautiful it's a beautiful free game so when they go 4-3 out when Kruppi scored there was like a deathly silence and it felt like Old Trafford back in the day when a team scored and they're like I can't believe that whereas they'd already conceded three and I remember thinking to the Man United fans you can't be that surprised but they showed you again that they were going there was something there but what the difference on that particular point you're making there though is that 84 minutes junior Kruppi scores the reaction is exactly as I saw it as well but you know back in the day they're indignant about that and they just go and score anyway and they win the game and they have 15 minutes of injury time and Bournemouth nearly won it 5-4 they did and then Lemenza to be fair to him made a save save he did but I think that the air got stuck on the run because that finish from Acuna was just sort of assured like any other player would have put it far post and he just tucked it underneath the goalkeeper which is actually harder and it was just really really confident the keeper did read it but you're right he did score really confident try and give him the eyes like Rooney did in the Euro 2004 that time right when he breaks through against and tucks it under the keeper by looking the wrong way.

27:13Oh, that was against Croatia. Was it Croatia? Yeah, that was a lovely goal. Was it a bit like that? I didn't see. Did you see Kenya's eyeballs? I couldn't see it. It was only from behind. And I was concentrating on the dance afterwards as well. Fair enough. That's absolutely your remit. And you're having a dance yourself as well. Well, Jamie Carragher also called it the best Premier League game of the season so far. So once again, you're in agreement with him. Carragher, have a week off. You've had a busy few weeks. I'm in agreement with that. I'm in agreement with the Rio Ferdinand thing. I'm in agreement with the spitting I can't fault Jamie Carragher ever I do find myself instinctively siding with Jamie Carragher in every argument against Gary Neville though that's fair I think it is fair isn't it I would like to go about this the proper way and have the arguments presented to me going about the proper way would be to get Gary Neville's phone number from Tony Adams' son and then call him and see what he thinks I may or may not have Gary Neville's number on my phone oh interesting Nice little flex.

28:06Give him a little ring then. Yeah. Put it on camera. He's changed it. Because of me. Because of Tony Adams' son. It's a really easy way to find out whether they've still got the phone is go on the WhatsApp and check their own picture. Oh, that's a point. Yeah, good idea. That's a point. Do that in the break. I will do. Yeah, before you go, move on. I just really want to press this home. The best bit about that phone call is when Gary Neville says, how did you get that number? How did you get this number? And the bloke says, I got it from Tony Adams' son. Gary Neville says, who's Tony Adams? Who's Tony Adams?

28:34former England team mate he's so flustered yeah yeah yeah anyway carry on well he can't be not that one surely but anyway the aforementioned Bruno Fernandes recently did an interview revealing that he was hurt by the fact Manchester United wanted him to sell to Saudi I love that he's doing it with the Portuguese journalist it's great stuff they keep doing it these players we're really looking forward because Mo Salah's going to say some stuff it's already bubbling up in Egypt I don't think he's even gone there yet or maybe he's there now but yeah already one of his former coaches and so on and so forth again why is it ridiculous you know the whole country's behind Mo Salah we saw that all of Anfield was behind Mo Salah it's like oh he hasn't even touched down here we go he landed doing a big press conference doing Arabic Italian Spanish all the languages you can speak apart from English all I have to say when this stuff's going on in Egypt is we just have to say thanks for your support guys it'll be a massive scandal it's nice to be in a part of the world that respects a little bit of time it would be good though if everybody turned up at the airport when he touches down and they're all wearing Everton and Man United kits.

29:39They're all just so united. We're like, we're not having this. Slips down the stairs, does his ACL. Right back on the flight. Oh, dear. But anyway, Bruno Fernandes, yeah, he was hurt. In his words, that the board wanted to sell him to a Saudi Arabian club. We don't even bother saying which club it was, just a Saudi club. It was Al-Hilal. It was Al-Hilal, yeah. And he said, look, I do fancy going over there and linking up with some great players. But no, he said he loved the club. He didn't want to go. He wants to play at the highest level. And he did really reiterate his love for Manchester United, which I think there's something in that.

30:13I think he has a real connection. I think he loves being the big fish in that pond. I'm not saying a small pond because it's Manchester United, but he is the main man there. He's a lightning rod. Totally. For good and bad. And he has won a couple of trophies there, but he did say he could go elsewhere and win trophies. I mean, yes, I'm sure if he did go to Saturday, he'd probably win a cup or two. I bet that's what you meant. No, I'm sure. But I just wonder though that actually did he have offers from bigger clubs? I think he would always have some sort of offers but also the wages and so, you know, I don't want to be naive about this.

30:42Clearly what Manchester United... He also said his family is settled where they are. Yeah, there's that as well. So Manchester United are clearly going to offer him more than say your sort of average big European side. It would have to be somewhere serious like say PSG or Bayern which I don't think either of them would necessarily come in for him. But what did you make of this, Luke Moore? Because it did feel like he was having a go. Well, he was having a go at the board, but then some were saying, no, they wanted him to stay and they were never wanting to sell him. I don't know if it was blown up a bit because he was, I think, I guess he was asked directly about it and he didn't say, he said it hurt me and it made me feel sad.

31:19But he was talking about the way that it's done now and that's what happened in the summer and now I'm kind of focused. So I don't know whether it's just been picked up on and people have been a bit kind of cheeky with it. but ultimately Fernandes will be it's funny isn't it because United have so many good players and so many amazing trophies and all the rest of it so it's hard to kind of place him at this point in Man United's history especially where Man United are in their history but look at his numbers the amount of games he's played the goals he's scored in the position he plays the assists he's provided it's good stuff I mean it's pretty good stuff so if you're looking at goals and assists for his time at the club it's nearly 200 is it could there be something to be said for him being the focus because there are very few other 8 out of 10, 9 out of 10 footballers at Man Utd?

32:09There's been a lot of players come and go. There's been a lot of drama around lots of different types of players. And he's been the one that's kind of always available, always plays. The game plan's like, give it Bruno, innit? Yeah. He'll do something with it. And I think, you know, even if you look at this season, okay, they've been better this season domestically, but they're not realistically going to pull up any trees in the league. But if we sit here in the middle of December and Fernandes has already got, what, five goals and seven assists in the Premier League alone. He creates a lot of chances.

32:33He does create a lot of chances. And some of the strikers they've had have been hapless. So in a better era, those chances are going to become more assists. So I think generally Fernandes has carried himself with pretty immense credit in the time he's been there, given what's been going on. So I think you can give him a pass for this. What about Cobby Mayne, who's half-brother? as he carried himself with dignity. That was excellent behaviour. Where'd you even get that t-shirt from? He was pictured at the game wearing a free Kobby Mainu t-shirt as in the words free Kobby Mainu were on the t-shirt.

33:10Yeah. It's a sort of thing you can get away with. It wasn't a giveaway with his brothers. Yeah, but as I was going to say is he saying that Kobby's available for free to anyone who wants him or is he being imprisoned in some way? Both. Is it? I think. I mean, you have to it's a very deliberate thing because it's quite cold at this moment in time. You can't just be wearing a t-shirt Also, where the picture was taken is right down the front. And the wedding was biblical that day in Manchester. He's walked right to the front. So you put that all over your hoodie. He's walked right to the front of the stand.

33:36Giving it a thumbs up as well. And then turned around and looked at the crowd and then obviously someone's taken the picture. I see. Which is interesting because there's two questions then. Did Cobby Maynoe know about it? So if he doesn't, then okay. We've all got like loose cannon relations, haven't we? Yeah, but if he did know about it, did he try to stop it? That would be my second question. He could have tutted and he could have went, Steve. I like the idea that he's thinking what is the closest family member I can get to do this but still give me plausible deniability. Yeah, exactly. Half brother.

34:07Seems right in the sweet spot to me. Seems right in the sweet spot. Doesn't live in my house. He's alone to him who got in the tickets right in the front. Doesn't matter. Yeah. It is mad, isn't it? Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. I mean, this guy played in the Euros final, I know, it was a year and a half ago now, football moves on quickly. That's it, that did, It has moved on quickly. I think it was a rarefied era at that moment in time. Things were being tried. Fine, but the quality that he had and has is there and he's a very young player. I just find it crazy. Why are we sitting on the field now then?

34:40As we say, get him over to Napoli. He can win a league title. Get nominated for the Ballon d 'Or. The chat around that is interesting though because I take your point and I think it's fair. But I think also sometimes in this current era of coverage, we do lose sight of the fact that a manager has well within his rights to not pick a player. he doesn't want to play but if he doesn't fit the system fine so many players have been bombed out of teams because they're not fancied by the manager so then sell him sure it's got to be the right deal for the club though but this seems to be that Manchester United it's kind of like we don't want a scene selling a prized asset they don't want the bad PR of getting rid of a homegrown player for sure exactly so it could be a case that they're doing this in the hope that things like this happen and you know clubs do that to players you know they'll push them into places where the player will have to come out and say something and blah, blah, blah.

35:30I mean, look at the whole situation with Rashford. You know, I know he's still, I imagine our player technically is only on loan, but Rashford then has to come out and he says certain things and whatnot. Slightly different, you might argue. But they still, they know, as you say, the bad PR. I mean, when they sold Danny Welbeck all those years ago to Arsenal, was it? I don't think too many people were suggesting, oh, hang on a minute, he's one of our prize assets, etc. but the fact is he was a homegrown player and he was a decent player wasn't playing a huge amount at that point the fans were unhappy and so I think that Manchester United as we know in recent years they've not been the best run club in the world and I just think that they are whatever's going on here I think it looks like they're getting it wrong and so if indeed Kobe Mayan who thinks you know what I'm surplus to requirements or I'm not going to play in this team a lot of his talents should be playing and I think we can all get behind his half-brothers campaign and we need to free Cobby Mainu.

36:26But I think you're also missing out the fact that Mainu kind of is playing. I mean, he's just not starting. He's made 11 substitute appearances in the Premier League this season. He's not in the bomb squad. He's not in the mushrooms, mate. Mushrooms. He's playing. Yeah. He's just not starting. Yeah. And so, we should say, you know, manager does have the right to make that decision. Yeah. What I'd like to know is, if, Peter, if I was being held hostage by the Ramble, would you wear a t-shirt on this show supporting me? I'd break you out thanks man dynamite on the wall love that I'd have what do you call those things that you kind of you get a bike lock off the angle grinder yeah I'd get rid of your manacles a bit of thermite on the lock a little bit of thermite on the lock yeah break you out lovely would we live happily ever after if Thelma and Louise we'd fly off a big cliff spoilers so you're basically going to kill me yes thank you very much exactly that's what I expected mutually agreeable yeah I agree with him I think you'll find it Thelma or Louise whichever one I forget yeah they were quite into our sister the passenger's not going get me out of this car she's a bit like you know what let's do it Pete's breaking me out of a prison I want him to mention at some point that he plans to kill me sure I'm getting three square meals a day in here I've hired a convertible car let's go for a drive up for it yeah up for it also take your hand off my knee how do you know Thelma and Louise died at the end we never saw it could have had a flying car could have had a flying car to add a bit of mystique that's a good point you should do that because it's really important that people understand that they should be given enough room to watch a film that was released in 1991 in their own time.

38:02Was it 91? Yeah. I thought it was 80s. Oh, well. There we go. See, always a 90s reference. What's the cut off for spoilers? 33 years, is that enough? Depends. Gives or take, yes. That grey area. Yeah, because I don't think you should spoil Fight Club. What's that, 99? Another brand film. Yeah. With another one. Is he in Thelma and Louise? Yeah. Is he? I remember his early roles. I bet he looks great in that I bet he looks handsome in that he still looks good now of course he does he does I'm enjoying it because we're not talking about Newcastle we will be after the break I know that's coming up so we think Man United should play the 4-3-3 a bit more drive off a cliff with or without Brad Pitt I mean that performance was spectacular driving off a cliff in a Cadillac I mean good God but don't drive off with Cobby Mainu but do start him start him well what's the difference with starting you still get your goal bonus if you score eh you need to appease his half brother if you drive Cobby Mainu off a cliff you're very unlikely to get a fee for him that's a good point bear that in mind I'm looking at Google images of Brad Pitt he looks great yeah he does looks absolutely great of course he does rocking the cowboy hat I love the fact that Man United are very interested in siding Antoine Semenyo because he's a great player you think absolutely brilliant player that as well and also Amarim believes he can work as an attacking wing back oh just don't stop don't ruin him Antoine don't go there Antoine I know we've got a break but there is talk of Amarim changing this system because he's losing players to AFCON so it will be that'll be interesting how the press respond to that he's got a lot of stick for being so dogmatic from us as well so it'll be interesting if that changes now we know that Bruno Fernandes didn't go to Saudi of course that's not happening it's not happened but Brendan Rodgers is going to Saudi yeah okay I'm quite disappointed in Brendan appointed by Saudi Pro League side Al Qasiyah I'm a bit disappointed in Brendan because I thought maybe you know if Marcus Silva leaves Fulham at the end of the season get brother Brendan they'll still be an opportunity presumably.

39:51I know they say you've got to stay two years to get your full Luca, but... He has to be called Ak-Brendi now because Ak is Arabic for brother. Is that right? Nice. Like Admiral Akbar? Yeah, kind of. Ak-Brendi. Admiral Brother Bar is his actual name. Maybe it's pronounced Ak-Brendi. Right. It's brother-Brendi. Ak-Brendi. I think that's what a lot of Celtic fans are saying towards the end of his reign there. Yeah, yeah. The second one. He had a meltdown, didn't he? Did he? Remember? He said the end of the Celtic game. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe stay away from Fulham then.

40:22I don't know. Yeah. Well, anyway, he's gone there. Good luck to him. By the way, it's such like a specific and quite random like wish Marcus has had for quite some time now. Quite simply, all I've ever wanted is for Brendan Rodgers to manage Fulham. It's like no one else has ever had that thought. The lofty ideals and ambition of an artist. He'd win us one of the cups. One of the cups. Nonce, he'll be out. I'm sure he will. Yeah, no thank you. No thank you. He'll bring his own little pitch, little handheld pitch. He won't be bringing anything, Peter. No, he's not coming. He's not welcome, Peter.

40:58No, exactly. Not welcome, Peter. Coming up after this, Fulham are up for the cup. No.

41:14Right, Newcastle United versus Fulham tonight at 8.15. it has been confirmed that former Fulham man Dan Byrne suffered a broken rib and a punctured lung during the derby against Sunderland it's not ideal bloody Nora he's got big lungs and presumably very long ribs as well you could make a very tall woman out of that you could good reference so what you're saying just by surface area alone this is much more likely to happen to Dan Byrne have you ever punctured a lung? no sounds horrendous I think it might be one of those things that sounds worse than it actually is because Dan Byrne did try and play on Yes.

41:48So I'm not sure if it was super serious he'd be able to make a decision to try and play. Probably one of those things that gets worse as you start coughing up blood. Maybe, yeah. If someone has punctured a lung and you hear that they've run out of breath, it'll be like, oh, go on. Well, he did try to play on, as you say, Luke, but they took him off wisely because the man needs to be repaired. But Newcastle, yes, at home to Fulham, I mean, they need to be more punchier in this game than they were against Sunderland, Mr. Donaldson. Yeah, I'm glad I missed that ramble, to be honest, on Monday. I don't think they'll be quite as intimidated by Fulham at home as they were sondling away.

42:22No. Well, false sense of security. They're much better at home, obviously, and they are yet to concede a goal in the opening half hour of a Premier League in the season, and this isn't the Premier League, but Premier League rules. Gordland's been laid down. Harry Wilson. But Fulham will be up for this because I've heard that the owners gave a big pep talk to all the playing staff at Fulham saying, look, winning this cup is the only way we're going to attract Brendan Rodgers to this cup. So let's get it done. Let's get it done. And do get some Basil and Bond envelopes for any future team talks you might need.

42:56Yeah, I'd say so. Well, look, there's the prize money. Yeah, that's a big incentive. That's a huge incentive. The chance of getting back into European competition. The sort of prize money that some of these players lose down the back of the sofa on a Friday night is a massive incentive. If I was like a footballer and we just lost a bit of a dead rubber Carabao Cup match, I'd be like, look, I'll give you the fucking 10 grand myself. I'll get it now. That's why you never have to make as a professional athlete. I'll back you at now. That attitude. Yeah, exactly. Backs. Still using backs. Why is everyone down about this?

43:29Backs still exist. Goodness me. People aren't using backs payments these days. I use backs to do everything. Do you? Is that just another word for a transfer? Yeah. But what's the difference between backs and chaps? We used to do chaps transfers when I worked at the bank. what's chaps? tell us leather chaps if you're watching tell us please tell us I don't know so you do backs do you? is that why there's always men in suits who chase you into the studio every morning? they don't know what floor you're on they'll find you eventually well look Eddie Howe was asked about Newcastle's recent inconsistency to which he said it's a horrible feeling because when you enter a game you want your players to go onto the pitch and give absolutely everything they have within their soul and their body to get a positive result there have been a few times this season where I've left a game unsure on that.

44:13That's about as explosive as Eddie Howe gets. Yeah, that is uncompromising for Eddie, isn't it? Yeah, he's very reasonable usually. But it's very much in his purview. It's very much in his control, isn't it, I suppose? He's very early season Walter White. When you say it's within his control, to an extent, but if the players go on the pitch and he feels that they're not given absolutely everything, then okay, fine. If you've got fatigue, then you've got to manage that. He's bringing John Willac on, though. Well, if he feels that there is a little bit of drop-off in energy, focus, concentration, whatever word you want to say, as there definitely was against Sunderland, then that's something that he's really going to have to look at.

44:50Especially because Newcastle, the only thing that's characterised in the season is they start pretty well. They start like a house on fire and then it's diminishing returns after that. I think Marcus' assessment of them at Sunderland was spot on where Marcus you said it felt like they had been told to not get involved and the rhetoric around it and that massively backfired they forgot to actually play a football man in there but I big shouts I think is very important for the season but I do think Newcastle could be improved by losing the captain Bruno really I think he Tonali is obviously a much better footballer at this point in time they both been playing though right They're both in playing, yeah.

45:29But I think he stifles some of his movement. I think we'd see more from Tamar Tenali if he got rid of Bruno. You'd probably still get a really good price for him. And he's their top scorer, but it's all been like corners and worldies from outside the box. His passing has been atrocious this season. Pete, you'd probably want to look after little Lewis Meyer, wouldn't you? Little Lewis Meyer. Well, he's probably... Is he staying in the bosom of his family this Christmas? Well, I don't know. Imagine how much turkey that guy could get down. Yeah. He's massive. Yeah. A real growth spurt. I'd be surprised though if there were many Newcastle fans who thought getting rid of Bruno Guimara is a big deal.

46:04I think you'd be surprised. Ask a few. Let's get it in the comments. If you're a Newcastle fan you think Newcastle will be better without Bruno? Okay. Provide a bit more... Quite specific, isn't it? Well, okay. Do another one about... And also, do you think I'm handsome? Yeah. After we finish this I'm going to walk around the streets of London and anyone with their top off I'm going to ask them do you think Bruno Guimara should be... Any man with their top off. Wandered into the windmill club again, have we, Marcus? The usual booth, sir Interesting you knew a specific strip club To mention that Is it surprising?

46:34No, it's not surprising Old Compton Street you live on There's quite a lot going on around there You used to live in the sex part of London The sex part of London I am the sex part of London Why did you move to that area? For sex Balls to the wall, sex And now where do you live? Essex It all makes sense in the end Well Fulham still haven't won a major trophy in their history Chance to take a step in that historical direction tonight They should be using Newcastle's blueprint from last season Two seasons ago sort of To get there I'd rather use Palaces but that's fine Why? Newcastle were brilliant Yeah that's true And Palaces won the proper cup mate Be careful Spoke about Harry Wilson's wand on Monday of course That's his left foot That's his left foot Do not drag this into the gutter We're not talking about his love trunche Not his appendage.

47:24No, okay. Well, it turns out Jurgen Klopp was one of the first people to spot that magic left foot of his. Back in 2019, when Wilson was at Liverpool, Klopp said his shooting is world class. Find me five players who shoot better than him. And I'll sign every single one and never leave your fuck up to Fulham. Not an instruction to the scouting network. Is it a massive surprise that a manager of the experience of Jurgen Klopp can spot that Harry Wilson's got quite a good left foot where we can all see it a mile off ourselves? I mean, even we were aware of this when he was at Liverpool. and then Bournemouth as well.

47:54He showed what he could do. But now he's at a proper club in Fulham and a chance. He's having a lovely time. He's the former player in the Premier League, in my view. And Newcastle will do very well to keep him quiet tonight. Yes, keep him quiet. That's what they'll try and do. Manchester City will be trying to keep Brentford quiet tonight at the Etihad. Another team trying to win their first major domestic trophy, of course. So yes, Brentford off to the Etihad. all the smart money would be on Manchester City winning that game but Luke can you give an argument for Brentford tonight I cannot presumably I need to fill this section somehow so I might fill it in a different way by saying that I actually think that Brentford are rats oh wow that's bad I think they're bad do you?

48:41they're a bad team I think Keith Andrews are doing a pretty good job under the circumstances I think they've shown flashes particularly I mean they played Liverpool at a nice time beat them narrowly they beat West Ham anyone can beat West Ham Manchester United they beat anyone can beat Man United they beat Newcastle at home anyone can beat Newcastle at home so I just think they've shown flashes at certain stages in the Premier League but I think the fact remains they've taken so much quality out of that team like so many goals out of it the manager as well the manager who's obviously find it tough but it's been synonymous with all Brentford's success.

49:20I actually think Keith Andrews do a really good job with the team he's got. I don't expect them to do anything tonight. I think Man City, whatever team they play, will probably win at a canter in my view. Yeah, because even if they rotate heavily, they call it it that they have. They will rotate heavily and they'll still win. Brentford probably will as well to be fair. Well, maybe. Maybe they will. Maybe they will. You see that Erling Haaland recently dressed up as Santa to hand out presents to kids in Manchester. A massive Santa. Yeah, well obviously. My son is terrified of Santa. We had a Christmas party yesterday at the nursery and all the kids were queuing up with Santa to get a present and he refused.

49:53It's the ceremony of it all. It's all very stressful, I think. But if a six foot three one turns up. I think he looked quite good. Obviously, he's got the beard. He's covering most of the face. He's got quite jolly cheeks, I think. I think it's just Nordic, isn't it? You want some ruddiness in there, don't you? Some ruddiness and maybe a little bit of rouge on there. But I'm enjoying Erling Haaland, apart from bludgeoning the defences of the Premier League and the Champions League and beyond, he's just doing YouTube-y side quests and stuff. He comes across well, doesn't he? Yeah, he comes across well.

50:23I just like the fact that he's doing quite tepid YouTube content. Getting big numbers, though. Well, he would do. I mean, it's inexplicable. I just like the fact that he's having to do YouTube face and stuff for the graphics. I don't think it is tepid. I think it's like... It's pretty standard stuff, isn't it? He's super honest for a top player, though. And he's also not getting any flack for losing focus on his game because he just scores so many goals and no one can say anything. I don't think tepid's the right word. I think it's not watered down. Man dresses up as Santa to surprise some children.

50:53No, but he's done other stuff. He's done a day in the life of football where he's buying, drinking raw milk and eating all these massive steaks and stuff and cooking with his girlfriend. Yeah, it's revolutionary. But it doesn't seem to be being controlled by the club as much. No, no, no. That's what I mean. That's the interesting part of it. He's doing quite, in the sphere of YouTube, quite tepid day in the life stuff. but it's unsullied by the touch of the marketing team and the social media team in Manchester City that's what makes it impressive the player liaison the press officer yeah exactly all that muck yeah that is muck proper slop that well whether he plays tonight or not against Brentford Erling Haaland that is Man City are heavy favourites we think but it would be lovely to see Brentford go through though wouldn't it it would be interesting wouldn't we like to see a West London three West London teams in those semi-finals I'm not that bothered about that.

51:41But if... Kupiaka has done us a number. Have I said what I said about Brentford? I would prefer them to win tonight. Yes. I just don't think they will. And I don't think Haaland will play. I think he'll have a lovely time off to... Maybe he'll do a YouTube video of what it's like to watch Man City when you're a Man City player. Yeah. Drinking a hot chocolate. Premier League won't give him the rights, probably. Probably won't be able to. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought so. Could you have hot chocolate with raw milk? Yeah, I'm sure you can. If anyone can, you can, Peter. It might pasteurise it, though.

52:06Yeah. And he's like, I do not endorse this. No, maybe he doesn't like the pasteurization. Let's not do Real Mythical Kicks because we get all those right-wing people in the YouTube comments. Bring him on. I love him. I don't endorse this. I don't endorse this. Suddenly he became Arsene Pega. I was Schwarzenegger when he fell out to me. Right, thank you very much for listening to the Football Ramble, part of the Acast Creator Network. Friends of the Ramble, don't go anywhere. Keep listening for Ramble Uncut. And if you're not a friend of the Ramble, head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble now to sign up.

52:33Buy it for a friend for Christmas or a loved family member. Yeah. I'm buying a Patreon subscription to the Football Ramble for a year to producer Rory. That's nice. I don't think he's got enough Ramble in his life. He doesn't produce Ramble Uncut, of course. No, he doesn't. But he does produce Ramble pretty much every day. The things that we get up to on there that he doesn't know about. Yeah, I know. Let's lift the lid on it. Thank you, Luke. Thanks. Thank you, Peter. Farewell. And thank you, Erling Haaland. Tune in to Uncut for Pete talking about how he missed an event he was at by picking us up in the toilet.

53:03True.

53:12The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.