Pure dung beetle

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3:26In the words of Chino Moreno, rats, rats, rats! Welcome to the Football Ramble. It is Friday the 1st of August. I am Pete Donaldson. I'm Rat Moore.

3:35Jim Campbell: And I'm Jim Campbell.

3:49Oh, we're back with some football ramble fun for a Friday and there's been some actual football taking place. That means little, like most of the close season fixtures, but I'm still enjoying life. Lukey Mo, are you feeling good for a bit of Friday fun? You got keys? I was feeling good. Yeah, my keys are here. I was feeling good until I heard that you're apparently enjoying life. Jim, I don't know about you, but that's not how we expected Pete Dawson.

4:14Jim Campbell: No, that is a portent of doom. That feels like a solar eclipse to me, when it wasn't supposed to be one. Like, what's going on? It's Friday. You should have some kind of food poisoning. Yeah. Be upset by how another week has slipped by. Yeah. With nothing achieved. It should be clear that you're not entirely confident it actually is Friday. Exactly, yeah. The ribbons have left the tower, people. I'm happy because it's Friday. Well, yes, Spurs and Arsenal played a pre-season friendly in Hong Kong on Thursday. It is the first London derby to take place outside of the UK. A pre-season friendly, I think you mean to say, the first ever North London derby on international soil as part of the Hong Kong Football Festival.

4:56It's the Hong Kong Football Festival. Look, we can all have a go at this fixture. It's weird that it gets played there. We're about to. But you cannot deny how big and how fun and how great that stadium looked. I mean, I love Hong Kong at the best of times, but that stadium looked like a place to watch football. It was absolutely packed. Very much not like the FIFA Club World Cup.

5:18Jim Campbell: No. Spurs 1-1-0 thanks to a Papisar goal from a halfway line. It's fair to say that the goalkeeper was out of his area just a little bit, Jim. He was, yeah, but he plays there all the time. To be honest, I've been expecting that to happen all season because he's quite often in that area, but generally he just pops a pass off and someone else pops it off and off it goes. I don't think that goal would have stood in the Premier League because Richarlison obviously gives a little trip to Myles Lewis-Skelly. But I also think you simply cannot disallow that goal in a game like this. Oh, the Premier League would.

5:50Jim Campbell: They absolutely would. Yeah, indeed. Foul would take great pleasure in disallowing a goal in that nature. And that's part of the problem, isn't it? They'd probably send off Richarlison and Myles Lewis-Skelly as well. It did look a bit of a foul. Because what happened was the reason Ray got caught is because, as Jim mentioned, he pops it off to Lewis-Skelly who gets caught in possession, but it's basically a foul. And then Papsar just drills it. I mean, it's great for those fans who never watch Premier League teams live to see a goal of that nature as well. Yeah, definitely. Especially given that it's a friendly.

6:20But, I mean, on the David Rea, I mean, this was a fantastic game to watch, by the way. I mean, there's so much action. I mean, Spurs hit the post, what, three times, I think? Certainly twice in the first half. David Rea, aside from the goal, which wasn't his fault, does look like he may have been lobotomised in the summer.

6:39Jim Campbell: Yeah, he was really flapping at corners in a way that he doesn't normally do. He's very commanding with catching the ball. I think he's not mentally back from his holiday yet. That's how he looked at me. Someone who had rescued a goose but not let go of it yet. Right, yeah. He was just flapping. He couldn't get anywhere. His arms were everywhere. Do you think that he's had a summer romance and he can't get her out of his head? Maybe. Everything reminds her of him. Yeah. Also, can I ask a question about whether we know if Spurs are going to have those numbers on their shirts for the regular season?

7:14Because they're very funky.

7:15Jim Campbell: They are very funky, aren't they? Yeah, that felt like a sort of Hong Kong festival of football one-off to me. And I think that's a shame. Well, I mean, they are sort of playing fast and loose with the old shirt rules because they did show off their brand new official pre-season tour sleeve partner. I mean, that feels like an affordable sponsorship. We've got that. Well, I know. If we hadn't had a studio to buy, we were a pre-season sleeve sponsor in the Hong Kong 11s or whatever the hell we're calling it. I mean, Frontier Pets was the company that decided to pay a bit of money for that particular honour.

7:53Jim Campbell: Yeah, that makes it sound like it's food for horses and buffalo. Well, you know why it's called Frontier Pets, guys? done a little bit of research, and I emphasise a little bit, because I think it's food for pets that is made or grown or reared by sustainable Australian farmers. Ah. Oh, nice. So the frontier in this situation, I think, I guess, would represent the Australian outback, perhaps. Hmm. Interesting. Someone's got to you. Are they also the official Luke Moore sponsor for the pre-season rambles? We use meowing heads for our cat food here in this house. Right, okay. So, a lot of expensive, but then, you know, that's how it goes these days.

8:35Going back to the game, it was, I mean, there was a miss from Richarlison in there, which at first... Great clearance. It looked like a really bad miss, but if you watch it back again, I mean, you guys are going to say that that's a comical miss, because I'm thinking I'm going to disagree. I don't think it's a comical miss, but it is a... Like, I needed to watch it three or four times. It was like, I was like pixel counting. I was trying to find that orange blob in the Epstein gel footage. I was like, what is happening here? Because it sort of, it comes off his head and it hits the bar, doesn't it?

9:10Yeah, but then it comes down and hits his hand. Presuming you're very tired because you've been up all night studying the Epstein footage, right? Yeah. I'm covered. My hands are sore from all that red twine that I've been pulling hither and dither. Why have you got chemtrails in lipstick painted on your forehead? well if if uh if anyone's watching on youtube i did just turn around um a a sort of ceramic baby's head that i have in my studio around because i noticed that the auto focus on my camera thought it was a human jim this is what people don't fully appreciate when they when they listen to an episode of the ramble perhaps they don't like it and they go oh these lads could be better look at what we're working with it's very difficult to roll with these punches because it's punches you've never seen or heard before.

9:54Yeah. I've got a ceramic baby's head in my room. I'm not describing the miss from Richardson because it's the Hong Kong Festival of Football and people who haven't watched it should have a bit of respect and go and watch it themselves. But what I would say is Stick some money in the pot and actually watch it, yeah? I think it comes off the post first and hits it. Right. And then goes out. And I would say, I would go as far as to say in the second half, Mickey Van De Ven had a miss where he was, he'd completely outleaped the tiny Miles Lewis Skelly and had a header took basically on an open goal because David Rara had gone walkabout again perhaps in the Australian Outback with Frontier Pets I don't know a sponsored walkabout and but he puts it wide that to me was a worse miss because it was there for him I think Richarlison's probably thinking am I going to brain myself on the post where is the ball how's it going to ricochet here and so it looked worse than it was and it also looked worse than it was because it's Richarlison I think that's fair I think that's fair to say Jim Giocares, his debut went well?

10:52Jim Campbell: Well, he didn't really do a great deal, but he also didn't have a lot of time in which to do it. So I think it was really just about getting him onto the pitch. I think he's only had a couple of training sessions, possibly only one full one. So yeah, it's really hard to draw any conclusions from it. If you were going to do that, there wasn't really anything to conclude. So yeah, hopefully when they get back to the UK next week, they're playing Villarreal and Athletic. Bilbao, I believe, that will probably be a better kind of indication of where he and really the team are as well. I think that's one of the things for all of the teams going out on these tours.

11:27Jim Campbell: The conditions are strange, right? They're very, very different. The environment is very unique. The weather conditions are completely different as well. The travel conditions are kind of constant. So I think the kind of the bread and butter of the pre-season is when you get back to the UK, I think. So I think we'll see from everybody a little bit more of an indication of how they're likely to kind of line up when the season starts. I think when you're in Hong Kong, you spend most of your time just ordering suits, not just buying suits. A lot of great cheap suits to be had out there, so you spend a lot of time doing a little bit of fashion hunting.

12:01But yeah, I mean, it's been an interesting sort of close season for both sides. Spurs have famously missed out on Morgan Gibbs-White, but they are now in talks with Bayern Munich over a loan deal for former Fulham man, João Polinha. Yeah. A man so desperately by and he was willing to take a loan to Spurs. It's not bad, is it? Well, Europa League champion Spurs, by the way. Champions League performing this season, Spurs, Peter. Yes, OK. Well, I know we criticise Levy for cheaping out on pretty much every opportunity he has, but a 30-year-old grip monster with Premier League experience for now. I just think that, you know, if you're a Fulham fan, I mean, we've got a famous one in our ranks that he's not here in the moment.

12:43He'll be back soon. I'm sure he'll have his own view on this. But it's beyond frustrating just from the outside looking in that you've got probably one of the best midfielders to ever play for Fulham who gets tempted away once, then stays, but his mind is probably elsewhere. Then he moves for big money to one of the biggest clubs in the world. Then he just doesn't play. I think he started six Bundesliga games last season. I think he had some injury trouble as well. Yeah, and now he ends up in... Now he ends up at a bigger club in London. Yeah, it's frustrating. But from Spurs' point of view, by the way, if it happens, a fantastic move for them because clearly at his best, he is a serious operator.

13:23He improves them massively in an area they need improvement. And he's a natural player in that position where Spurs have struggled to find someone to fit in there. I mean, you look at someone like Bentancourt, who's a different player anyway, but he's been absolutely ravaged by injury. He doesn't look the same player. Yves Bissouma kind of, you know, not really being amazing, not being consistent, decision-making quite poor. Pelini is an upgrade on both of those, albeit in a slightly different way. So incredible move for them, Jim. I don't know if you agree.

13:53Jim Campbell: Yeah, I do think it's a really good move for them. He's a slide tackle monster, as we've seen. I think there were a few concerns when he went to Bayern that his kind of long passing isn't quite up to scratch. And that's maybe the one thing that made people think he's possibly not going to kind of be what they need. So obviously we'll get to see if that'll be an issue at Spurs because we don't know how Thomas Frank is exactly going to set up. But he seems the type of player that Thomas Frank will know how to use and know how to deploy. And he should come in relatively fresh as well because he didn't play that much at Bayern.

14:26Jim Campbell: Knows the Premier League very well, as we've said. And they have been really, really vulnerable on the transition in the past season. and he's exactly the type of player that you want as this kind of all-tackling octopus in the middle with those ridiculously long legs just sorting that out. I think it would be super. With him and Van Der Ven, the leg on Spurs this season. I mean, like a catwalk in the 90s. I think Pelinho will be super popular there if he goes. Fans will love him. Yeah, I mean, you say about the transitional thing. I agree with that. It's partly to do with personnel, but it's also to do with just being tactically mindless for the majority of the season.

15:02Jim Campbell: Which I think will be different anyway, right? Yeah, I think so. I was actually impressed, going back to the game, I was actually impressed with what I saw of Frank and how he kind of conducts it. I think he's a really good character anyway. I think he seems like a good guy. He's probably, you know, how many times have we said this over the years? But he seems to be what Spurs need. I think if I try to put myself in the mind of a Spurs fan, I probably don't know what to think after Postacoglu because it's such a chaotic reign with positives and negatives. but I'm also probably annoyed about this every 18 months turnover of managers.

15:37But having said that, if it's Frank that comes in and he can apply the same standard that he applied to Brentford and he can make that transition himself, it's a super exciting one because, like I say, I think he seems like a classy guy. He seems like he knows what he's doing. I was kind of interested in the juxtaposition between him and Arteta on the touchline during this game. I know it's only a friendly, but it is Arsenal Spurs. You know, there's a big crowd there. I thought Arteta, there was one bit where Arteta was just, I mean, and Jim, it's going to sound like I'm digging him out for no reason, and obviously feel free to defend him.

16:10But there was just one bit where he's just being completely obnoxious. Like, Pedro Porro's trying to take a throw in. Pedro Porro's also a dickhead, by the way. I'm not defending him. But Pedro Porro's a player in the game trying to take a throw in, and Arteta's just purposely standing in the way of it.

16:25Jim Campbell: Yeah, and he shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, and if you juxtapose that with Frank, who's very calm, probably still getting to grips of who he's got to play for him and where he sits and all the rest of it, it did cut quite, like I say, quite a contrast. So it'll be interesting to see how that develops over the season. You'd also think, from Frank's point of view, it can't... I mean, look, they're in the Champions League. He gets to enjoy the fruits of that. They won't be playing in the Europa League next season because Apostol Coglu's delivering them that title. but in the league which is the stuff we watch every single week which is what probably really counts for a lot of fans Frank can't help but be better right he's going to have to be disastrously bad in a way that we've never seen before from him as a manager to not improve on that so from his point of view he's probably quite looking forward to it yeah and also I think Frank is one of those kind of obsessive kind of weirdo managers who's basically doing their job in their dreams and never does anything else they're all a bit like that They're all that.

17:23Jim Campbell: I'm sure Postacoglu is that as well. But there's a quiet intensity to Frank. He does come across as a bit more reserved, doesn't he? But you know that he is going to just be very, very dedicated to this, very, very, very on it. And he already kind of looks the part in that sense. Agree. Yeah. Black T-shirt, probably drinks Huel on the quiet. He feels like a Huel man to me. He does. He also looks like a photorealistic version of a caricature of a man. Yeah. Like a little AI kind of like make this person, please. I'm all of a sudden really now instantly surprised that Pete's never been seen with a bit of huel in his mitt.

18:03You've got huel energy all over you, mate. Yeah, surely it's knock-off huel, though,

18:07Jim Campbell: from like Cambodia or something. Fuel. Fuel, just fuel. I'm drinking diesel in a car park. Yeah, I've seen some at the airport, but I've near cost to use it. When there's a giraffe on offer, I'm going to have a burrito, I think. So there we go. just a quick one before we move on from Spurs slash Arsenal Max Dowman played for Arsenal a very very young but impressive man he's not a man he's not a man he's not a man it's easy it's because you know football kits kind of make everyone look the same age it's rare when someone actually looks like a child and he really does I think players like that should have to play in at least like a school tie possibly their whole school uniform just so the rest of us can go what the hell this is an actual child that's a bit pedo there's no way of getting around that Luke I just thought it's still worth making that point Jim's asked for lads under the age of 18 who are playing football professionally to be in school uniforms fair enough you double down on that I've also long said that players in cup finals should have to wear tuxedos that's true you've been very consistent with that across 17 years or so now exactly when will people listen when will they start to listen indeed indeed.

19:18You're like Bernie Sanders. You're the Bernie Sanders of Cup Final Tuxedo chat. You've never deviated. On the Max Dalman thing, can I just chuck in there very, very briefly that there'll be Arsenal fans will know who he is. A lot of football fans who are into football in a big way will know who he is, of course. But if you're not aware of who he is, it's worth kind of putting a pin in the name because this is a young lad who I think Arsenal are more excited about than anyone they've been excited about since probably Bakaya Saka. and Jack Wilshire. He's, he's, he looks, I mean, it doesn't look like a man grown in one way, but in terms of his football intelligence and what he's able to do on the pitch, incredibly exciting player.

19:58He's played at like, free kicks as well. Yeah, well, that's kind of his dead ball game on point apparently. But he's played at youth team level for England in a way that it just seems far too easy for him. I caught a bit of him earlier in the summer. Just looks sensationally good. And I think the ambition for him according to people who are much more clued up about this than me, they're looking to try and get him a Premier League appearance or two this season. And he's not 16, I don't think, till December or something. So he's been born after the formation of the Ramble.

20:32Jim Campbell: It's incredible. That is quite amazing. So he wouldn't have been able to play last season because of, essentially, I think it goes on sort of school years. Ethan Wynieri made his debut when he was 15. He came on for about five minutes against Brentford in a game where Aston were already 3-0 up. and that's a pathway that Arteta sort of likes to demonstrate to the really, really young players who have high potential like that. But you're right, Luke, in terms of excitement, Winieri looked a little bit awkward. We didn't quite know what to expect from him and obviously that exploded last season. But Dalman already, they're giving him the ball at every opportunity.

21:02Jim Campbell: He's taking responsibility. He's gliding past kind of fully grown men who are in some cases twice his age. Getting brought down by Joe Linton to win the match against the castle. That's right, yeah. That's right as well, yeah. Joe Linton kind of fouled him immediately as well, which is actually ideal, really, isn't it? This is what this job is, actually. Foulable. To put it in perspective about his age, this will really bring it home for you. When Jim first made the shout that football players playing in the FA Cup final should wear tuxedos, Max Downman wasn't even born. His dad might have been wearing a tuxedo.

21:38You'd hope so, out of respect for Jim. In the hospital, waiting for the birth of his child. Jim, before we move on, you've missed the opportunity there to do your Bernie Sanders impression. Do you want us to do it very quickly? You did Ozzy Osbourne to great success last week. Bit of Bernie now before we move on. Who? Oh, I thought it was Jim. No, no. You used to do it. Oh, what do I usually say? Oh, fuck off. Oh. All right, then. I'll do the link to the next part of the show. Coming up next, we've got some musclemen and rats. Rats! There's nothing like him.

22:11Jim Campbell: Macho man Randy Savage. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

22:21This message is brought to you by Cologuard. If you recorded songs off the radio for a mixtape, it might be time to screen for colon cancer. The Cologuard test is non-invasive, requires no special prep or time off, and you start screening right from your home. It's just three simple steps, set up, sample, and ship. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, Ask your doctor about the Kologuard test. Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at kologuard.com slash podcast. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home.

22:58Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your project at Angie.com. Hi all, this is Kim and Penn Holderness from Lifeline. Summer is here, which means it's officially travel season. And when you're out there making plans, you need somewhere reliable to stay.

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24:59Fun has to be a part of the training. And we've made it a part of what we do at this football club. just been stung.

25:14Fisser getting stung by what he said was a bee feels like it was more a wasp because there'd be something sticking out of his finger otherwise, wouldn't there? He did. Yeah. I mean, that happened to him in a press conference. Yeah. Show some fucking respect. Show some respect, bees.

25:29Jim Campbell: It just doesn't happen to Jose Mourinho, that, does it? No, no. If it did, somehow Mourinho would make it look all right. Yeah. Yes, I think so. he'd probably be able to style it out. He'd probably just go, I think this is the special wasp. Whatever. Bees are back. That's good news for all of us. And then like a couple of Suns, Jan, this will just masturbate. Thank you to Adam Bucca for sending us that. No thanks for Luke for mentioning masturbation. Sorry about that. Sorry, guys. Yes, the Alexander Izak transfer saga has taken another turn. Yesterday, inexplicably, he was seen training at Real Sociedad with his own staff.

26:03Did he take Nelson the dog with him? Yeah, very, very strange stuff. Obviously, Real Sociedad, his previous club. I don't know what the rules are. I don't know why this was sanctioned by the club that's paying us wages, but it's happened. It's about as good as it gets, really. But a banner has been spotted in the Newcastle area calling Isaac a big rat. Yeah, I've got a problem with this. What? Why have you got a problem with this? Well, because I feel like... So the banner actually says Isaac is a pure rat. you're a rat I feel like the rat thing and I've and I've taken the piss out of Liverpool fans for this constantly since it happened with Trent and I know that and I accept that right and I've taken the flack that's come my way and that's fine I'm going to defend Liverpool fans here because that's their thing Newcastle you need to get your own thing you can't just steal the phrase that is synonymous with Liverpool and works really well in their accent get your own phrase that works well in your accent and we'll all be on board get your own rodent yeah I don't know I like it.

27:04I mean, people say that we don't have the set-up of a Champions League club, but this is Champions League level delusion. He literally gave them their first domestic trophy in 70 years. He didn't give them it. He played in some games that contributed to it with a lot of other players as well. He scored a very important... Not wearing a tuxedo, by the way. Oh, yeah. Although there was black and white, which is the closer you're going to get, Jim. He scored an important goal. Badgers, have a badger. They're black and white. Fucking badger.

27:29Jim Campbell: Yeah, but that's just confusing messaging, though, isn't it? Yeah. We need to look at this properly. We need to look at this logically. So we're calling out for a different animal. Jim's calling out for a different round rodent. Duplicitous animals. Yeah, I need to, I'll road test a couple of animal examples as replacements. And you guys need to tell me whether they're more impactful than rat. And it's going to be very difficult. So here we go. Isaac is a pure rodent, a lion. Lion. Well, that's not a king of jungle. It sounds positive. Isaac is a pure dung beetle. That's good. That's very good.

28:00Rolling his possessions towards another club. Towards real sociedad for a bit of training. Yeah, to do his little training. Isak is a pure swallow. Sounds euphemistic. Isak is a pure stick insect. Confusing.

28:15Jim Campbell: He looks a bit like a stick insect. What are those animals that eat other animals' eggs and then just sits in the nest? Isak is a pure cuckoo. That's where it comes from, Pete. You're in the cup chair. You should know that. Of course, that's right. Okay, one last one, which I think would work. Isaac is a pure snake. So I think snakes, yeah. Snake does the rounds via emoji, though, doesn't it? People need to send in examples of animals that could be used instead of rat. Because respect Liverpool's traditions. So I think, personally, maybe it's a bit confusing because it's a black and white animal.

28:51Jim Campbell: Skunk? Yeah. Yeah, I doubt that. Then you kind of get into personal hygiene. It's a bit personal, isn't it? Yeah, which is obviously horrible. But it probably makes more sense for a player who's leaving to go to Newcastle. I was actually at a barbecue once. It was cancelled by a skunk. Wow. Because somebody just got up and just spread all the food. It stank so bad, even outside, that everyone just agreed the day was over. Where was this? This was in, I can't remember what town, but it was in the state of Connecticut. Everyone have a shower. There's a skunk on the loose. Let's just stay out of its way.

29:24So I think Isak training with Real Sociedad is probably quite a depressing portent if you're a Newcastle fan. Yeah, it is. And these deals for any footballer, any striker, certainly north of like 70 million, they take such a long time to put through. This is quite late in the window to start brinkmanship on Isak's side. Have you got a month yet, brother? Well, it's still quite late because these things take seasons sometimes. Eddie Howe probably fancies talking him around with a Jake Humphrey's paperback. I reckon he could do some inspirational talks and get him back around again. I think that might be part of the problem.

30:00He's bored of them. By the way, producer Finn's just put in the running order that apparently, ironically, magpies steal other birds' eggs. Ah. Right, okay. Well, there you go. Taste of your own medicine. Yeah. They're not the most famous, because they're famously, they steal metal and stuff, don't they? Shiny things, yeah. Yeah. But it's interesting to see the reaction from Newcastle fans to Isaac and then Johan Wisser as well, who of course withdrew himself from Brentford's pre-season training camp. Bang up for that if he's going to make his way in Newcastle. Football fans are like this, right?

30:31And we get a lot of YouTube comments saying, I can't believe you guys are surprised that football fans are kind of hypocritical. And it's not that I'm surprised. I just think it's funny. It's endlessly funny to point it out. And what's happening with Newcastle fans with Johan Wisser at the moment, right, is basically like, you know, screaming down the phone at your wife for cheating on you while you're pumping away yourself. It's outrageous. What's happened to you this summer? You're so horny and wanky lately. I don't know what's going on. Working with you too much. I know, I know. And your moustache.

31:03Yeah, I was getting you going. Yeah, it's a bit of a shame, but you imagine they need to sort things out sooner rather than later because I think actually travelling to a different country to train with a different football side seems to be... That could... It's a bit annoying because we always thought that Giocares was going to rumble on and be so really boring. And when we got that done, say us, we saw that be done, it wasn't us. Now Isak's going to fill that gap, isn't he?

31:27Jim Campbell: Yeah, and as you say, there is a month left of the window as well. So this could rumble on and on and on, probably into the actual season itself, which will be really, really tedious. maybe he'll even play for Newcastle this season before the move happens my prediction is he'll play another game for him again I mean it's very possible there's no reason for him to go to Spain other than just to be like I need to be away the reason I mention that is because I remember Samir Nasri playing a game for Arsenal in the season in which he moved to Man City one of the worst players really really weird terrible bloke terrible bloke absolutely what an awful man absolute rat proper albatross yeah indeed yeah I mean the writing looks very much on the bed sheet doesn't it with this one unfortunately but it does I mean in terms of the fee Pete I know obviously you can only go on feeling on this to me it feels like with Isaac behaving like this and making a situation deliberately sort of untenable Newcastle are looking for 120 million I think they've been quoted as saying but presumably they'll probably sell him for under that right because it's just a case we've got to get him out we've got to get someone else in Yeah I think this is a real test of Eddie Howe I think this is a real test the club, if they have these sort of Champions League level club kind of aspirations, this is a Champions League problem.

32:41So maybe they see this as being a step too far. Maybe they see this as sort of going, look, if you're not going for a certain amount of money, we're not going to accept less. So he may be angling for a move. He may be sort of downing tools, but this is what you get with big footballers and probably one of the biggest problems that Eddie Howe's ever had to face. So I wouldn't be surprised if he stays for another season because, as I said, these things do take a long time. I don't think he'll play another game for Newcastle.

33:09Jim Campbell: And he's knocked down his tools, he's taken his tools to San Sebastian. Exactly, yeah. And asked if anyone wants a meeting. Does anybody want to see me do my tools? Well, elsewhere in the striker world, the latest news is that Man United are prioritising a deal for Benjamin Sesko, as everybody else is. We discussed this on Wednesday's show, but Rasmus Hoyland, who is still at the club, he's come out swinging. He scored on Wednesday against Bournemouth, and after the game, he really wanted to speak to the media because he's scarred. I love that. He said, competition is fine with me. Yeah, it sharpens me.

33:41I'm more than ready. I'm feeling sharp, so I welcome everything that comes. He did say that he could have done with more help when he first arrived at Man United. I mean, I said this last season, there's no reason why the whole of the sort of goal-scoring owner should be on a man so young in his, what is it, second season in the Premier League, his first season in the Premier League, 10 goals in the Prem 5 goals in 6 Champions League matches I agree I think he did need some more help and I still think he could be a relevant goal scoring force in the Premier League

34:13Jim Campbell: I think you're right to say that based on the numbers Pete he's only 22 years old he's got 61 career goals which includes international goals but obviously you still have to score those and they're their own thing but he's one of those players where at his worst he's completely anonymous and the sight test makes you think God what has gone on here the fee doesn't help as well It was something like 72 million quid, which is not ideal. Which they only really did because City bought Haaland. Yeah, it certainly feels that way. But when you look at those numbers at his age, you think surely there's just inevitably going to be a player in there.

34:46Jim Campbell: Whether Man United is the right place for him to find that consistency, we don't know. But Ruben Amarim said pretty soon after this situation, he said, I can't really give him any guarantees. So that'll be interesting. if they bring in Cesco or someone like that he might be someone they can recoup some money on or maybe he's going to have to really really graft and fight for his place but he's a really really kind of interesting kind of I suppose narrative to keep an eye on this season I think I definitely agree with you guys I would just add to that that I think you know a few bits that you know worth mentioning one he's young he's really young when he signed and he's never shown any massive goal scoring numbers previously and he was definitely someone who's brought as a prospect and of course, as we've seen, there's no chance of anyone developing properly as a prospect at Man United over the last couple of years.

35:37It's not possible, really. So you can't really be blamed for that. I think when he looks bad, he looks terrible, to be honest. Is it fully his fault? No, it's partly his fault, of course. You know, he's a part of it, but the environment he's in has been not conducive to improvement or playing well. And ultimately, in terms of the context of, you know, Benjamin Sesko coming in, You know, that's football from the very first days of the game. You know, players come in all the time. You know, you have to, I'm pretty sure you're used to it as a player that, you know, the club you play for is going to sign players and you've got to try and prove your worth.

36:15I think Amerim will probably have a bit of a blank slate for this season because he'll have to, regardless of who comes in. And the other thing I would say is that if Amerim gets a full pre-season in, and he ends up playing Mbwemo and Cunha behind a striker, and that striker is Hoyland, we might see some improvement because those two players are fucking good runners, can do a lot, and have shown that they know what the Premier League is all about. And there might be a bit more consistency of team selection. The other thing I'd chuck in there, by the way, just as a little aside, is that it could become even worse for young Rasmus because his younger brother, if he continues his development, might end up replacing him at Man United.

36:59Imagine that. Can't get any worse. Yeah, you've just been replaced by your younger brother. Yeah.

37:03Jim Campbell: Well, it's the Iron Track Frankfurt magic, isn't it? If he's there, then... The twin brother plays for Iron Track Frankfurt, but he's a midfielder. I see, I see. While Man United chase their next signings, Jim Ratcliffe has made a new hire behind the scenes. You're going to love this, Jim. Mike Sansoni has joined the club as director of data. He comes from Mercedes' F1 team. He's never worked in football. It's worth mentioning that Ineos do have a minor nority stake in mercedes but the big the big story here surely got to be that mike sansoni is simply not a real human being that's like a made-up name that some comedy actor decides his fbi agent name in some screwball comedy yeah it feels a lot like a michael scott character yeah he's very handsome he does just look around at people who already work for him in other areas doesn't he essentially yeah it's a little bit uh how can we serve a bit of cash i can't wait on the on the ball i can't wait to what dave cartlidge thinks about this because last time he he referred to dave browsford's appointment as um a nerdy little cycling weirdo get him out of the club so i can't wait to hear what he says about the formula one man yeah yeah i mean surely data is data but you have to be on nodding terms i mean football data is very different from car data I'd love to see Pete going to an interview about a data job.

38:23Just going, data is data. Car data is different to football data, but data is data. Where do you want to start? Some numbers, innit? Let's get a naturally aspirated striker and let's bang a turbo into it. Let's get going, shall we?

38:38Jim Campbell: Yeah, give them little rocket boots. Yeah, little rocket boots. Does it annoy either of you that the nerds have taken over football? I don't think I'd have a job with that not the case, so I have to be careful with that. Yeah, it's a good point, actually. Don't worry about that. Bite the hand that feeds all you want. Don't worry about it. Hands are delicious. Nottingham Forest have broken their transfer record with the signing of Dan Endoya from Bologna. He's cost them a hefty£34.5 million. I mean, he will meet the... He will succeed the transfer record or beat the transfer record if he meets the Adams.

39:11Elliot Anderson was around that amount, which in today's money was very good business. He's had a really good season, but... Like I said, the nerves have taken over.

39:17Jim Campbell: Yes, but really boring caveat, that isn't it, that you have to include. Well, look, if there's a data point that involves me talking about how annoyed that Elliot Anderson left the club, I will bring it in. All right, fine. The best thing about Dan, the new footballer for Nottingham Forest, he did lion hands for the camera at his unveiling. I saw that. It was very camp. I enjoyed it. I think that we should, instead of calling them add-ons, we should refer to them as phenocides, like in Nando. Phenocides? Yeah, the phenocides are the sides that are slightly more expensive and nicer. Oh, I thought you spelled it F-H-E-N-O.

39:54It sounds like some kind of sci-fi thing. No, F-I-N-O. So I think I'd love to see Dharmesh Sheth or Kave Solakol say, and it will be a club record transfer signing for Nottingham Forest, if Dan and Doeyy satisfy all the phenocides that they're expecting. He lives a good player. He can play on the, I guess the main difference between him and Alanga, I suppose, is that he appears to be able to play on both sides with a bit more frequency. So I don't know if that's the plan, to get a bit more flexibility for Nuno and big Evangelos. But the fact is that Alanga obviously was much more dominant on one side, whereas Ndoyer looks like he can play on both.

40:39So he looks quick. He looks interesting. it'll be fascinating to see if he can fill those boots because they are big boots to fill.

40:48Jim Campbell: Yeah. Also a lovely thing about Dan and Doy is he feels like a bit of a throwback in that I hear his name and go oh he had a really good Euros. That doesn't kind of happen so much now. Yes. No true. Big fan of that. Nottingham Forest have also expressed an interest in signing another winger Adama Traore. Traore obviously working under Nuno at Wolves. Alex Awobi was asked who would win a Premier League Royal Rumble he asked Traore without any hesitation, claiming that he's a dumbbell with legs. A lovely little quote. I think he's one of those players where loads of other footballers would team up to try and get him out and they'd have him kind of on the rope for ages, but he would ultimately overpower them and maybe throw two of them out at the same time.

41:25At the same time, yeah, that seems fair. I mean, Adama Traore, Luke, a bit of a missed opportunity in the Premier League for his fifth season. I mean, I know he had an all-kits season last season, but like his final product is still not there for me. Is that fair? His numbers are appalling. They're just simply appalling. He played a lot for Fulham last season. I think he definitely had an improved season last season for Fulham. He does deliver certain things, which is that in transition, he's exciting. He can get you up the pitch. He's fucking strong and fast. But he's never delivered in terms of raw numbers or any kind of ruthlessness at all.

42:03You're talking about a player, right, who is unquestionably a forward. He's basically a right-sided forward, right? And he played 157 league games for Wolves and scored 10 goals. He scored four goals in his entire Fulham league career, right? His numbers are just nowhere near it. And look, I understand he played for a long time under Nuno at Wolves. But to me, he's a player where the prospect of him is far more dangerous than the actual reality. and I must have seen him at Fulham maybe three or four times in the flesh last season. It's just more of the same, really.

42:41Jim Campbell: Yeah, and I remember seeing him play against Arsenal when he was playing for Middlesbrough and I think it was the first time I saw him and he kept bombing down the right. It was like, oh God, this guy's causing us problems. He's going to be really difficult. But after like the third or fourth time, it's like, he's just, he's not going to do anything with it. It's the same thing over and over again. He gets there and it all just fizzles out and that was a long time ago and it feels the same now. and I'm just of the opinion now that for a Premier League club, it's just not worth having him. It just isn't worth it.

43:09Jim Campbell: You're always more likely to get someone who can contribute more in that position in your squad. I don't know. Maybe Fulham would be happy to see him move on. I'm not sure. I mean, he's one of those players, I say he played quite a lot for Fulham last year. Of course he did. But a lot of the time it seemed like he would come on to kind of stretch the game, to carry the ball, to move the team up the pitch and all that kind of stuff. So, as I said, numbers aren't great. I wouldn't be massively excited if I was Nottingham Forest, given the season they've just had, which I know kind of ended a little bit disappointingly, but they're looking to build something there.

43:45Maranakis is doing his thing, saying they're going to build and build and improve. Adamo Traore is not an improvement on what they've already got. He just isn't.

43:52Jim Campbell: Oh, no, no. But he's a good henchman, isn't he? True, actually. He's the best possible henchman. Absolute galaxy brain stuff from you there, Jim. That's spot on. enforcer. Every good wrestler needs an enforcer. Every Ninja Turtles baddie needs a bebop or a rocksteady. Yeah. Just for a bit of muscle. Anyway, coming up after this, on the Football Ramble, Tom Brady has a go at Wayne Rooney. Didn't see that one coming. Hi, all. This is Kim and Penn Holderness from Lifeline. Summer is here, which means it's officially travel season. And when you're out there making plans, you need somewhere reliable to stay.

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45:57Welcome back to the Football Ramble. Tom Brady has been in the headlines this week. There's a new Amazon documentary out all about Birmingham City and Tom Brady's involvement in that club. He's a minority owner at Birmingham City at the moment and in a visit to the club's training ground while Wayne Rooney was a manager back in 2023, he's heard saying, I'm a little bit worried about our head coach's work ethic. I mean, I don't know. I don't have great instincts on that. Is it why I say it then? One might suggest it. I think, no, I think he, I think he thinks what he means by that is I don't have great instincts when I see Rooney working as well.

46:30Jim Campbell: Yeah. My instinct is telling me that this man is getting in at nine o 'clock and that seems too late. Oh yeah. Cause Brady's no, Brady was known for the dedication and the graft and the watching of the tape and the, you know, holding everyone to a standard and, you know, great. He was 40, right? Great. Oh, I think even later than that, like he, he, you know, I think he's won seven Super Bowls. He's the greatest quarterback of all time, a lot of people would say. So the standards, he's one of those, I mean, he's the kind of guy, just to put it in perspective, he would be the guy that Jake Humphrey would want on his show more than any other guy.

47:05He's just the absolute apotheosis. He's the God-level, God - Mentality monster. Yeah, of that thing, right? Wayne Rooney, as much as I love him, and I do love him possibly more than any other football figure in this country, he's probably at this stage in his life, not that.

47:19Jim Campbell: Yeah, from world-class basics to quite slapdash basics. No basics. See him down walkabout, Tom. Just pop down walkabout. See him putting in the hard yards. Yeah, I mean, I am against Tom Brady coming over here and having a good win, Rooney, especially because there was that clip of Tom Brady kissing his son on the lips. Yeah, you've had a problem with that for a long, old time now. Worth having a good one. Brady also got in a bit of a... I mean, he's had a lot of controversies throughout his career. Well, not a lot, but he's definitely had a few. But he got in quite a bit of trouble for having a Make America Great Again red baseball cap in his locker for an interview.

47:57That's right, yes. And I think he's friendly with the Trump family. So make of that what you will. But I mean, for me, the only way this story could have come out of anything good on that Amazon doc about Birmingham City, which with all due respect to the good people of Birmingham and that football club. Didn't need it. Who had a brilliant season last season, 111 points. I couldn't be less interested in watching that unless it ended up being the plot twist was that Rooney turned Brady into an absolute barfly pub monster. The next scene is Brady just falling out of the pub singing some kind of karaoke number.

48:28Jim Campbell: Yeah, it's a classic riches to rags story that we can all get behind. By the way, just talking about riches to rags, Jim, there's not much chance of that when I give you a little bit of information that when Brady finished playing, he was then promptly awarded or offered a contract to be an analyst for Fox Sports on the NFL for the princely sum of$375 million. So I don't think even Wayne Rooney could get him through that much beer. yeah that's quite something isn't it apparently the documentary um focuses really heavily on on Wrexham and the criticism of the documentary is it is it's kind of it's more like the documentary is a rival to Wrexham's documentary than it's than it being about Birmingham City they're trying to create a new rivalry like a new rivalry for the fucking TikTok generation exactly yeah which is very very tedious I'd imagine and probably quite confusing for Birmingham City fans because obviously you know that there's been a lot of investment and and as you say they've got 111 points in the last season and they're back in the championship now which is the kind of very least of where they'd expect to be but I imagine it comes with a little bit of confusion around this whole stuff as well.

49:41Maybe Tom Brady should ask Karen Brady for a little bit of like or any other member of the Brady bunch in Premier League. What's his sister? Yeah exactly. Their brother and sister. They could sort of figure out what's going on there. I mean at one point he did say who is the other team here? Is Aston Villa in the Premier League etc etc.

49:58Jim Campbell: He's pronouncing the H in Birmingham as well which might be a cultural decision. Might not. The thing is, that's kind of... Just how they say it, right? I feel like that's low-hanging fruit for that kind of stuff. I mean, you know, you don't... I don't know if you... Look, I get that it's not great optics, but if you're a minority stakeholder and you're coming in, the role you're performing, for example, is that you are looking to hold up high standards of the playing staff and the coaching staff, and here's what it takes to get to the very top. I mean, Brady can unquestionably do that in principle.

50:29Hall, you know, and I imagine, you know, for all the times that we slag off Jim Ratcliffe for bringing in Browsford or Mike Sansoni, whatever his name is, that's what he's going for. It seems common sense, joking aside, that things can cross, you know, can travel across sports. Does he need to know who Aston Villa are? Probably not. Is it helpful? Yes. You look like a clown if you don't, but I think it's kind of low-hanging fruit if it's his first trip to Birmingham. You know what I mean? I don't really think that's understandable. I ask questions about NFL teams all the time where American people just laugh at me when I'm in America.

51:02Jim Campbell: I mean, he could pretend that, you know, he's been watching since the days of Nikola Zygic or whatever. But that would actually be more ridiculous, wouldn't it? He could have read, I guess he could have read a Wikipedia article, couldn't he? By the way, guys, changing trains. And thanks, a very big thank you to Adam Burton, our friend and listener, for sending this to us on X. I really wanted to bring this in. last weekend a player called Lasse Kvikstad was awarded the Man of the Match award for Brien in Norway now we've seen a lot of this happening online haven't we Jim you've seen these kind of viral Man of the Match awards which I presume they're now doing on purpose because they know people are going to pick up on it which I think is to be encouraged yeah totally but this time around it was for being a player of the match he received 40 bags of oatmeal I've got no problem with that because that's going to keep in the larder.

51:57100 eggs, difficult. 20 litres of milk. I mean, those two last things, he's not going to get through them. He's going to have to dish them out to everyone.

52:05Jim Campbell: Yeah, or you make like a giant omelette or something like that. There's a sense that you've got to use all of them at once to get the best out of it. If I've worked really hard to be player of the match, I don't want as part of my award to have to do a 100 egg omelette afterwards. There's too much admin. in well that's why you're not a top level footballer that was not it's not the only reason when i when i um when i um was uh i went to a kind of weekend away with a load of friends once that years ago there's about 15 people in this house and i said i'll do the breakfast so you went away with 104 friends is that what i'm hearing yeah more friends and he's got eggs um i had to make it cut a long story short i had to i i said i'd help out with the breakfast and they asked me to make scrambled eggs for 15 people.

52:51Very difficult. Yeah, that is difficult. That's a big shift. Big pan, lot of stirring, sore forearm by the end of it. And there's absolutely no way that Lasse is getting through 20 litres of milk, no matter how big his family is.

53:06Jim Campbell: Yeah. I mean, maybe they've got huge fridges in Scandinavia. Massive, like room-sized smeg fridges. It's very possible. And I think off the back of that, there's only one thing for you to say, Peter. Yes Thank you for listening To the Football Ramble Part of the Acast Creator Network We are all back on Monday Come at feast At our Schmog's Board of Football Feast Make sure you subscribe To the Football Ramble In your podcast app So you don't miss it Say goodbye Jim See ya Say goodbye Luke Goodbye

53:41The Football Ramble Is a Stack Production And part of the Acast Creator Network

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