Ramble Uncut: Josh Brownhill's poem

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4:12of the show. On Ramble Uncut, we discuss the football stories that really matter. From Fulham signing a bottle of champagne to Marcus Speller eating Cristiano Ronaldo's birthday cake. Chomp! To get access to Ramble Uncut, add free episodes and access to the infamous Football Ramble Discord. Get yourself and sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for just$5 a month. Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for just$5 a month. And what's more, we have a brand new offering starting today. If you get an annual subscription to the Football Ramble Patreon, you will get 15 % off. So that's just$50 for an entire 12 months incredible value.

4:48It's the perfect way to kick off the season. Just get yourself to www.patreon.com forward slash football ramble. That's www.patreon.com forward slash football ramble. Find us, devour us, get yourself a bit of Ramble Uncut and sign up for a year. Put your smoke alarm down, Lukey Moor. It's the ramble uncut bit of to show what's extra for the people who've got the picture. Safety is not a dirty word. No, safety is not a dirty word. Stay aware. Stay fire aware. It should be on your roof, though. I've only set off my fire alarm this morning because I made a big egg sandwich. I never make big fried egg sandwiches, but I just thought, you know what?

5:28It's been a busy old week. I stayed up late last night recording a show all about Hulk Hogan, and I thought, you know what? Oh, he's dead. That's what Hulk... It's been weird, the whole Corgan thing, because it's either been people who fucking hate him who've reacted or people who are completely indifferent to him. And he's Pele. Do you know what I mean? He's the Pele for wrestling. He's the one who transformed the business. He made more money than everyone else. He will make more money than anyone has ever made. And he transformed the entire business. Brother. It's an incredible reaction. It's the first cancellation I can probably think of that's actually been a true cancellation.

6:08It's fascinating. Because he's so, so famous. And as you say, he genuinely achieved so much. Yet he's one of those rare characters where, like, everyone's just fine with taking the piss out of him when he's died. Yeah, because he was a racist, suspected wife-beater, etc. And carny maniac to the end. And because of Pasta Mania? Pasta Mania was delicious, Luke. Do not have a go at the wonderful WCW Nitro Grill that would was a twin to the pastamania shops that were seen in America in the 90s pastamania is just amazing amazing photos of it like the most 90s thing you've ever seen Jim's got a passion for trying to seek out the most 90s thing of all time and I think Hulk Hogan I think Hulk Hogan's heel turn when he turned into naughty Hulk Hogan was probably the most 90s thing ever black bandana black beard and white sort of Fu Manchu moustache.

7:06Oh, it's a restaurant. Yeah, I thought it would be a product. But no, God, he's got his own. Wow. No, it was so unsuccessful, they didn't make the spin-off product you could buy in a 7-Eleven. That's how bad it was. Yeah, I still think that the nemesis at Alton Towers having its own fizzy drink might be the most 90s thing. So any grays on that we'd be happy to hear. No, the most 90s thing ever was when, Jim, you brought this to the table as well in your endless quest to find it, your Holy Grail, was when Cast played Glastonbury. That's true. Yeah, that's true. And it was guiding style, wasn't it?

7:51When the lyrics are like, get up, get up, get up, get up. But they changed it to skin up, skin up, skin up, skin up. which hopefully they'll be doing at Wembley on Saturday when both you and I are in attendance for them supporting Oasis. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to get into how much Jim spent on his tickets, but it is a one-off gig that will never be repeated. But Luke, did you spend more or less on your tickets than Jim? Because obviously you got yours a lot later. This is like you Bruce Forsyter, yeah? Yeah. Hirola. I spent, as I said, I did say to you guys earlier, I managed to get my tickets from a music industry contact.

8:29And as a result, I got them face value. That's correct. I got them yesterday at face value. You've done wonderful then. I got two seated tickets for 180 quid each. Yeah. I mean, if you can hold your nerve, that's pretty solid, isn't it? Like, if you can hold your nerve, you can usually get what you need, I think. But you give me way more credit than I deserve. In terms of holding my nerve, what happened was I tried really hard to get them when they went on sale. Couldn't get them. Spent a few weeks convincing myself I didn't want to go and see them and that Liam Gallagher's voice would be shit anyway and who gives a fuck.

9:03Forgot about it. And then the first footage from the first Cardiff show dropped and I almost cried because I've never seen them before. And I spent the next however many weeks after that desperately debasing myself trying to get them. at whatever cost. It just so happened that someone came through for me. By the way, can I also just point out here before we move on to the main bulk of this show because there's some great football stories for Uncut this week. I do want to say this and make this very, very clear. I have delivered, along with a team, not just me, but I've played my part in delivering 17 years or thereabouts of football shows for other people's enjoyment.

9:44And yes, I've enjoyed it myself. Yes, I've been paid. Yes, it's my job. But I have given my heart and soul to it and in response when I put an emotional plea out on Instagram for someone to help me with an Oasis ticket just one I'll go on my own don't need you I haven't got to sit with me you haven't got to talk to me just sell me a ticket not a single person came through for me the only person who came through for me the only person who tried to help me was lead singer of the indie band Jaws Connor who said I'm in the same boat as you I'll keep you posted everyone else was just like laughing emojis lol big fan of Jaws gotta say big fan they were great yeah right yeah I agree but Luke you're very much you made your heel turn quite early in Ramble when I was born yeah your heel turn started as you took your first breath outside of your mother and therefore it's funny to see to see you flailing around because you're very confident I'm a willing participant you're a very confident person and you don't ask anything of anyone so when you do it's quite funny and Pete I'm including you in that by the way you didn't fucking help me either where would I get fucking Oasis tickets from home of the no repeat guarantee home of the no repeat guarantee if anyone can forge them now don't have them don't work for them anymore oh I prefer Pulp pathetic get out of the way then they're a proper night he's act like them and David Koresh Jarvis Cocker was at the David Koresh wasn't but Jarvis Cocker was at the Oasis gig wasn't he he was yeah he was strolling down Wembley Ware Jack Grealish was there as well at one of the Manchester shows he and Park and obviously Marcus forwarded this on to me.

11:21This is from The Independent. After the first Heat and Park show on Friday, the 11th of July, Man City star Jack Grealish apparently hooked up his phone to a speaker and regaled the other guests, including singer Sean Ryder of Happy Mondays fame, former Man City captain Vincent Kompany and defensive midfielder Rodri with Westlife tunes. They were joined by the members of... Not while the ages were on, hopefully. Hopefully not. They were joined by the members of Cast who have been playing before Ashcroft each night. So come on, Jack. read the little tent that's been set up there or whatever you can't be Westlife have got some bangers mate they do not they don't have a single banger they're all ballads World of Our Own is a brilliant tune they're all ballads come on no World of Our Own is not a ballad that's the point I've always said Pete back me up on this I've always said boy bands are fine if they keep it upbeat right right okay and and World of Our Own by Westlife possibly their only upbeat song which one's World of Our Own is by Miles their best song which one's World of Our Own we gotta live the world of our own that's ticked that isn't it Banger is strong.

12:17It's a good tune. Is that boys on? It's Westlife, Pete. Well, Jim, let's wait and see if Oasis cover it or not on Saturday night. Then we laugh at the other side of your face. Skin up, skin up, skin up, skin up. I like the people who are already complaining that the set list hasn't changed from the first few gigs. I'm like, what is wrong? People are thicker than the thickest people. Like, just when you hear something like that, you sort of go, what's gone through? They've been planning this for years. I'm going to know what the songs are now You're going because you know the songs They're not releasing a new fucking album This is a cash grab Don't worry about it Jesus Christ Jim shared me a video of a woman who was Shazamming Bittersweet Symphony It's snobby to laugh at that But it is impossible not to laugh at it It is funny But again it's that Hulk Hogan thing People who just never grew up with the phenomenon that is Hulk Hogan They're probably just not aware of how big that song was I'll just say on that note, right, can you imagine, I had to resort to Facebook to try and get a ticket for Oasis, right?

13:20I don't even go on Facebook. And the amount of people on there who I remember back in the day showing absolutely no interest in Oasis whatsoever, talking about how great it was, that tested me. Right, so you say that you only go on Facebook to use Marketplace to sell old baby kids, right? I play an occasional trivia quiz with my mother on there. why did you feel need to get rid of me as a friend I had to start no the detail here is that I had a Facebook account which I deleted and then when I was basically inundated with stuff from my son that he no longer uses I wanted to sell it but you're going to come across as a unsatisfactory and untrustworthy seller it's going to look like you've just started a new Facebook page well I have done that well you have done that I'm just saying you're not going to get as many shooters So therefore I start to start again Have you added me as a friend or no?

14:17No I keep seeing it It's a dagger in my eye every time I see it It says add friend I'm like fuck you Mo Fuck you Play your word game with your mother Fine You don't have to be our friend But do buy some of the stuff I've got a If you're not going to sell it in a waste It's ticker Yeah I've got one thing I have just I've stopped putting stuff on eBay I've stopped putting stuff on First up marketplace It is just absolutely horrific dealing with the sort of people who are buying stuff on Facebook Marketplace and eBay. They're just banned people, I've decided. Pete, what is your general interest level in getting an Oasis ticket?

14:58I must admit, zero. They do leave me called, that band. You know they're being supported by Less Than Jake. I'm back on board. I think I do Al's War, my favourite Less Than Jake song. They leave the cold. Even when you've seen footage from the gigs, it's not stirred anything. No, I think that when they're playing fucking in the bushes and straight into the first song, I think that's a bit of fun. But everything after that, just, I don't know, man. Because they're not playing anything post-2000, aren't they? They're sort of set list. It's kind of proper, pure... Yeah, you've got little by little in there and it's mostly from the first three albums if you count the master plan as an album.

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18:27Did you see that Stockport County, I mentioned them briefly on the main show, talked about how they've been a bit of a success story with their new owner. They've got promoted up to League One, had a very good season last season, etc., etc. What they've started doing, which I think is a really good piece of grassroots, organic brand awareness at the risk of sounding like a marketeer, which I'm not. they've dished out their season tickets this season in a musical box that when you open it and get your digital season ticket card it plays sound from the Stockport County fans singing on the terraces.

19:12Yeah, it's a lovely bit of throwaway Chinese technology in it. It's a lovely, you get a little screen a musical season ticket and it's lovely. stuff in it it's a really nice really nice thing to do it's a lovely touch i still have um a bottle opener from an arsenal membership from years ago that plays the um uh plays the commentary from the uh from from anfield 89 uh every time you use it which is great and it still works um lovely bit of novelty trash yeah homer simpson bottle opener i've got just a similar thing speaking of um i've got a bottle opener with um pope john paul ii like the popener um the speaking of which by the way is a genuine piece of like earnest merchandise yeah that they sell in yeah it's not like a piss take thing speaking of cheap chinese um tat from places like um timu check out what i've just shared with you in the ramble whatsapp group that my friend sent me um earlier you've never seen anything like it and then pete just look at it and describe what you're seeing um it is a knockoff lego buzz light yeah um that it looks pretty accurate from from feet to head uh but the name is boss right yeah the head is just the same how they get away with that that's the same factory in it really they've even forgotten to change the name of it in the description right yeah it's just called boss like you.

20:42Model, astronaut. That looks like Timu. I love a bit of Timu. It is Timu I think, yeah. My dad's got obsessed with Timu. He bought a he bought just a like a mat that goes on the kitchen floor which it's just a well. So he thinks it's funny that it looks like there's a hole in the floor which obviously it doesn't for anyone who's got functioning eyes. But it's just this grotty well. Horrible. Like really poorly printed. Yeah, yeah. It really picks them out of it. Yeah.

21:15It's, you do, if you're willing to sort of go above and beyond something that's five pounds, some of the stuff can be good. I've got some pretty good sort of shelving units that I've put up last week. But I did get a little bit paranoid because it's where Sammy the dog hangs out quite a lot. So I spent the rest of the day just nailing the things to the wall so they won't fall over. I'm just a little bit concerned at the construction quality. you don't want to be a dog no that's the last thing I want to do yeah absolutely you don't and at the risk of wrestling this away from what you're currently talking about you did promise I think earlier this week or earlier today that you were going to talk about the the late not so great Gigi Allen yes so I I watched a video yesterday you know when you sort of well I was literally knocking down a fucking studio but I was listening to the audio and it was basically this video that said the truth about Gigi Allen and what was uh explain to people who gg allen is in case they don't know gg allen uh heroin enthusiast um kind of one-off punk rock artist was he from new york sort of that kind of way um he certainly spent he certainly uh i think he's originally from new hampshire i'm reading right okay but he did most of his drug taking and music uh exploits in in on the east coast um i think um anyway he was he was a pretty nightmarish man.

22:34He famously died and his friends and hangers-on and sort of, you know, basically people who just hang out with him all the time just kept the party going, you know, drank around his dead body. I think he had a heroin overdose. Oh, nice. But he would sort of eat his own shit on stage. He would do, you know, he would be Iggy Pop, but further and further and further. he was the world's worst man um an awful performer terrible musician musician uh but some people sort of see him as being these kind of like one-off um punk rock legend um but he was absolutely awful in my awful my musical opinion yeah he was awful but i watched this video i was um i listened to this video while i was not in the studio he's basically this blog going here's the truth about Gigi Allen.

23:26I was doing a bit of music with him and I'd booked a studio in New York for him to drive over and we'd exchanged lyrics over the phone and he said there was some really good stuff and he's really excited about the project. Yeah, he didn't turn up. It's just, he was disappointed. I suppose that's a truth. Well, I mean, and then when he did turn up, He was with another band that he was playing with. And I was like, it's Gigi Allen. He's a heroin addict. Yeah, that's the best you could expect. It's the best you could expect. He's by his very nature chaotic. It's Gigi Allen, mate. It's like the storyline in this country when Kerry's dad says he's got a story about Fred West.

24:11Right. And the story turns out to be that he was just a really good builder. Yeah. Best in the West, we used to call him. I do like the fact that Gigi Allen's gravestone apparently says something like live fast then die. Nice, yeah. Oh dear. But his band was the Murder Junkies. Just an awful, awful... There's some footage of him playing that might be solo, might be with the Murder Junkies live here and there. And it is... I mean, he's naked with a kind of leather... You know those kind of leather kind of strap things they put over chest? it's like a bit of a gay scene thing where you have like leather things on the edge he's wearing one of those and that's it and he's obviously taken a load of like what's it called fucking what's the word but it makes you shit yourself Laxatives Laxatives and it's just and it's horrendous for that reason but also the music is abysmally bad yeah it's like he's never played any music before it sounds so poor yeah well still better than the Ramones come on come on come on this was his last day on earth Gigi Allen's last show was on June 27th 1993 a small club called The Gas Station a punk venue located inside a former gas station in Manhattan apparently the show ended after three songs a Malay broke out Allen ended up outside leading a group of fans through the neighbourhood after walking the streets for almost an hour Allen eventually went to Johnny Puke's apartment then he and others continued to party and use drugs in just a load of heroin, died of an heroin overdose.

25:56He died in the early morning at some point. Later that morning, puke, noticed that Alan's still there motionless. He paused for Polaroids with the cops before calling an ambulance. He was pretty much dead at the scene. And he was 37. He was a very sad young man, but at his funeral, his bloated corpse was dressed in his black leather jacket and trademark jockstrap. jockstrap. So his funeral was very much a sense of, you know, there's a lot of partying going on around his dead body, which was, yeah, a bizarre end to a bizarre life. It's always very depressing, isn't it? It is very depressing. Shall we talk about Josh Brownhill instead?

26:32Yeah. Hey, still a young man. Still a young man. Yes. Do you want to get on with that, Jim? Yeah, I mean, you are, obviously there's talk this week that Josh Brownhill is going to be leaving Burnley. It was very sad. He scored 18 goals from last season. He was a captain as well. So it'll be interesting to see where he lands. Seen a few links with West Ham. But who knows? But that's not really the point, is it? Because he wrote a poem to his idol, Wayne Rooney, when he was just 11 years old. And Pete, I believe you want to read that out for us today. Only Pete can read this. Now, I want Pete to read this.

27:06I will not accept anyone else reading this poem. Do you want me to do it in the style of G.G. Allen? It's Allen-esque, one would suggest. Lyrically. It's lyrically much better than any of Gigi Allen's work. Yeah, all right, fair. But Josh Brownhill writing a poem at school at the age of 11, as Jim says, to Wayne Rooney, is simultaneously charming and also quite demented. Yeah. My idol is Wayne Rooney. I think he is really doody. Great start. People call him fatty, but I call him classy. he might not have good looks but he sure but he sure has a good touch that's why he is my idol because he won a title there's been one draft of this isn't there yeah last day day before homework has got to be out of him yeah yes I wouldn't call him Flash just because he's got loads of cash I think that's fair mind you having a big lollipop that time was quite decadent that was brilliant yeah He has a girlfriend called Colleen.

28:13People say she's mean. She likes to spend his money, but she's such a lovely honey. Catching strays. I wish I was like him. I would have a permanent grin. His life is so ace and he keeps at the pace. I wish this was me. One day, maybe we'll see. So he's got his big money move. Burnley found out about that and said, right, that's it. We're ending your contract. Yeah. Wayne Rooney's about to become the new manager of Burnley. It's too awkward. Yeah. Absolutely. Wayne Rooney has to do that initiation that all the new players have to do at clubs. He has to stand on a chair in front of the squad as the new Burnley manager and read Josh Brownhill's poem.

28:52I think that's absolutely fine. That would be sensational. It would, wouldn't it? Yes. We hope you enjoyed this week's Ramble Uncut. Remember to get bonus content every single week throughout the season. Just get yourself to www.pitchin.com forward slash football ramble. Bye for now.

29:16The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.

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30:19Whether you're traveling, exercising, or podcasting, the best business news ever, Liquid IV makes it easy to stay hydrated wherever life takes you. So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you. This message is brought to you by Cologuard. If you recorded songs off the radio for a mixtape, it might be time to screen for colon cancer. The Cologuard test is non-invasive, requires no special prep or time off, and you start screening right from your home. It's just three simple steps, set up, sample, and ship. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your doctor about the Cologuard test, available by prescription only.

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32:01Thank you.