Ramble Uncut: Mickey, please go away

0:09Hello Ramblers, Marcus here. You're about to hear Ramble uncut. The bonus episode our Football Ramble Patreon subscribers get every single Wednesday. It's an extra laid-back dose of the Ramble, often shaped by the stories our Patreon members are talking about on the Football Ramble Discord. Simply put, for just$5 a month, you get even more brilliant nonsense from the world of football and beyond every single week, plus access to the Discord, where you can chat with other Ramble listeners and you get the Ramble on the continent and up front, completely ad-free. So if you like what you hear today and of course you will just head to patreon.com forward slash football ramble that's patreon.com forward slash football ramble and sign up today right on with the show

0:55right come on then Roy Hodgson his resignation did he not want to resign let's not take the piss here so I suppose to he just finished a delectable mouse yep he's just using his talons don't turn your head around you know We're only going to wait for it to come back around the right way. I'm over here, Roy. Just having a little mouse McNugget. Roy, come down. Come down for the rafters. So this is purely... I'm surprised I haven't mentioned it before, actually, because it happened in July, I think. But basically, a couple of people who worked on the England media team during that period, essentially for the FA, but then would travel with England for major tournaments.

1:41um one of them works in cricket the other is cricket adjacent and i was at this do and got chatting to them and i'm fascinated by all that kind of background stuff you know the thick of it it's why we love the thick of it it's the swearing but it's also a lot of that is very accurate in terms of how those things work behind the scenes and cricket has the benefit well one of the benefits of cricket being a lesser sport than football is that people often move from football administration into cricket. So for example, the England media manager for the men's side used to be Sam Aladost's right-hand man at Bolton.

2:19Had his amazing stories about... Or Sammy Lee with the worders. Gaskets that. So he was his left-hand man. So basically, you know, how all those signings of whether it was, you know, Djorkov or Okocha, even Nakata as well, you know, what they were like behind the scenes and stuff like that. What were they like? What were they like? Can you say? You've got to get him on. here. We're not going to get him on here. We want to hear about Roy. Talking about yours here. So this guy told me he was working at the FA around this time and he said something that triggered me to say, oh, so Roy Hodgson-Eisen and he was like, well, yes.

2:57That's probably the biggest thing I did, yeah. And it's actually quite sad, but at the same time, I suppose Jim mentioned the Malcolm Tucker element of it and it was that brutal where it's basically like given to him and he's like oh but he's like well come on you know how this goes you take taking his FA phone away from him yeah won't be needing yeah yeah the Prime Minister thanks you yeah that's an FA blazer and trousers yeah the England because he came out in his boxer shorts and vest didn't he yeah that's right the England band aren't immediately available to you anymore Roy are they going to play my intro music we all had a lovely time but it's just not buttering the past lips anymore brother yeah you are you will see me again Roy didn't want to didn't want to go no it was quite sad because that's why so I never knew that so that's why he was so flustered in the press conference and he was like you know it's not my fault and I don't really know how this is going to happen because he was thrown by that so yeah but it sounds like it was this would need to be don't worry about it mate but he was very much the wheels were in motion at half time so something was being drafted at half time which is mad to me but you're a journalist you've written match reports you've written them at half time very very true I broke match reports I have saved the first 500 words of England losing the 2019 Cricket World Cup final I have 100 words I think I'm not very far of England winning winning the Euros in 2020 and or 2021 you saved them all yeah and also England losing headingly 2019 yeah sorry just to bat in there Luke the ultimate example of this was old Jonathan Wilson when he was at the Afro Cup of Nations and his writings of the Afro Cup of Nations are brilliant like it's almost like a travel blog and uncovered unknowingly of course like a horrendous was it a massacre or something that had happened awful but back to football reports it was the old Angola 4-Mali 4 and Angola score their fourth goal in the 74th minute to go 4-0 up and he's thinking ah lovely old job you know right straight in the bar and then of course in the 79th 88th 93rd and 94th minute Marley score four goals in those minutes in its four and he just said he just basically copied the entire thing delete it's not a hard shit is it?

5:50no it's not but I'm just saying that these are this is how the sausage is made Jack Pickbrooke for the England-Columbia game Jack Pickbrooke ended up publishing the next day when he was working at the Independent and all his different things. That's a good idea. A bit of Wayne's world at the end. Yeah. The closest I've, well, the similar situation I had was, do you remember a game during COVID, Spurs 3, West Ham 3. Spurs were 3-0 up. Oh, yes, that's right. In the 83rd minute, I think. Who scored the third goal was a beauty? Yes. Argentinian. Lanzini, was he? Lanzini. Yeah, a beauty goal. But yeah, there were no fans and it was very odd.

6:28But there was one Vish. Something completely different now, everybody. Wayne Rooney, celebrated his 40th birthday recently and he revealed that he dressed up as Freddie Mercury for the party. Delightful. He wore tight blue jeans, a white t-shirt, sunglasses, a black leather cap and matching fingerless gloves. That's enjoyable. What's more enjoyable is Wayne Rory's not actually 40 for another week so I don't know why he's doing it now. Yeah, maybe the friends could only do that weekend, maybe something else on something else, I don't know. Maybe a joint one with someone else maybe. Maybe he's like really deavering it up and like having a birthday week or month or month yeah 40's a big one it is a big one are you a birthday week type of guy Vish no but I'm turning 40 in February and I might have two do's yeah look forward to not getting an invite to either of those yeah I look forward to getting an invite to at least one of those do you know why Wayne Rooney Wayne Rooney's like doing that is so funny is because every single time he hits the mark on when you imagine what is the most normal thing a normal bloke could do for his birthday at 40.

7:34Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dressed on as Freddie Mercury is right up there. Good. You know what I mean? He'd look great in a vest. I'd love to see a photo. Surely there's a photo of it somewhere. He'd look like a Ramsey Lesbian. Yeah, he would. He would. Imagine it though. You are basically, you're excited to go to Wayne Rooney's birthday party. It's a fancy dress. So you've done your bit. You turn up. He's making a bit of an entrance. All the lights go out. You don't know what's going to happen. And all you hear is, Dale! Dale! and it's oh not that no Wayne does the full live aid set yeah I'd like that and then you just hear boom boom yeah boom boom who's that boom boom it's fucking Alex Ferguson it's Brian May boom boom who's on the drums no he's not Fergus but who's Brian May G-sung Park's on the drums Phil Bardsley Phil Bardsley swinging it around swinging the guitar around during Freddie's live aid set did he sit down at any point just give me just give me five minutes Yeah, true.

8:30Do you reckon it'll be energetic? Wayne's not going to be climbing the stanchion, climbing up the stage. This is the only photo I've got of it, by the way. So lazy by the sun, that. Yeah, it's Wayne Rooney's head. At least change his head size. Yeah, and also as well, bulk Freddy up for that. Yeah. Wazzes. Yeah. A lot of people say that's the greatest live performance ever, don't they? You're into your music. What would you... I think it's impossible to say, isn't it? No, no, but like... the set they did at Glastonbury that time Pulp hailed as a great one but what I would say about I'm ignoring that what I would say about I'm not a Queen fan really but what I would say about Mercury is that his voice is unbelievable like if you if you watch that set it's such a big show and it's such a those shows are difficult to get the sound right on and there's so many people there Live he was obviously amazing I mean I think they're one of the somebody to love you know when he does that bit yeah They're one of the most uncool bands in history.

9:28No, no, no. Whatever you think of the band, you can't deny the man singing. I'm not denying it. I completely endorse it. So if I asked you for your, so like if you went on YouTube now to chill out and watch your favourite. Well, you know, that's probably wrong, but like to watch your favourite live performance, what would it be? Oh, my favourite, mine would probably be something, I don't know. A lot of people say that Radiohead at Glastonbury in 1997 was standout. But what was yours? any Oasis what's my favourite ever lifeable no no no but like I say that and like what comes to mind is something you enjoy alright I've got one for you go on there's an ACDC gig where they played River Plate Stadium oh yeah and the Argentinian fans as we know are mad for it in fact you know forgive me Oasis said or I think it was Noel I'm pretty sure it was Noel Gallagher said that when the tour was done Buenos Aires I think it's River Plate I'm pretty sure it's River Plate yeah they do them at River don't do them at Boca yeah exactly yeah Yeah, bigger stadium and all.

10:25And not as a dodgy area afterwards. They were like, that is one we're really looking forward to. Because you know what Argentinian fans are like, the football fans. Even their rugby fans are like football fans. So fair play to them for gate crashing that party. But this ACDC gig at River Plate Stadium, honestly, it's just, it's the business. There's a load of really big live shows ACDC have done on YouTube, which are amazing. Yeah, so that one at River Plate is just, oh man I tell you what during Covid Metallica did this thing called Metallica Mondays where they they put a little poll up on their social media and you could vote for a choice of four shows that they've played in the past and whichever one won they would put up in its entirety on their website on the Monday oh wow because they've got I don't know how I guess they were just pretty forward thinking but all the way back to about 1982 83 they've got all their performances and seeing them as a young band they are fucking amazing and the thing about it is that at least two of them were functioning alcoholics at the time and the music is so intricate and so fast you're like how the fuck you don't even know how to do in it like in between songs they're like staggering around yeah necking beers and then they're playing these amazingly so they're pretty amazing there's a really good there's a really good video of Guns N' Roses as well in about 1986 at the Marquee Club yes which is fucking brilliant wait in London yeah amazing

11:57something we could all agree Pitbull at the at the London Palladium yeah yes that was that was surprising wasn't it to see Pitbull appear when we did our live show I was gutted I actually didn't get to watch it no it felt to me like did you get Culligan Hall were you there Culligan Hall Pitbull I was again didn't get to see it the Palladium one for me got to enjoy it in a way the Palladium one was good for me because it felt to me genuinely like the passing of a baton from the great Brucey to this generation's great entertainer. The poor man's Anton de Bec, Marcus Spellum. Let me just Google Anton de Bec.

12:32He's the guy who tries to be Brucey now. He does strictly come dancing. Oh, that guy. In another world, in another universe, Marcus could definitely be like a daytime TV set, couldn't he? Yeah, 100%. I think you saw a ton now. I think I've got loads of time. That ship's sailed now, sadly. Do you think, why is that? Because I've dragged you down for so long. Oh, okay. I've held you back. I've chosen it, though. One thing people would say about me, I know I can be quite controversial, one thing people would say about me is that I do hold everyone else back that's more talented. Brassel's mad. I don't know how he's done it, but Brassel's got out of it.

12:58Yeah, I know, yeah. And now look at him. He's got his own chat show. Have you seen The Sopranos when Eugene tries to get out of the family? That's like Brassel. Yeah, I was thinking more Carlito's way. Yeah. Like Benny Blanco. Get him in the England squad. Can I bring something to the table which really tickled me that I was hoping we were going to do on the show today? I would love you to do that. We didn't have time, so I'll do it now. Please. Have you seen this stuff that came out from Henrikh Mkhitaryan's autobiography? Love it. Absolutely love it. Right. So, Mkhitaryan's released in the autobiography.

13:28Presumably he's a big deal in Armenia, right? That's very safe to say. I've never been to Armenia, don't any Armenia. But he's one of... If he's not a big deal there. You'd hope so. I know he's... Who are you again? Who else have they got? I know he's still playing that. I could read my level. Where's Tony Blair?

13:45So, Tony Blair Mkhitaryan is his full name. You're a bit harsh on Blair on the main show. Why? Because you were like insinuating that he was just like utter shit. Where's this come from? Pathetic, isn't it, Bish? Unbelievable. I'm just saying, considering what's come from after. Well, exactly. In a way. It was his fault, is it? Some of it is. You don't blame Nirvana for Puddle of Mud, do you? You don't blame Libertines for the Pigeon Detectives. You don't blame Luke Moore for Bishon Hunter Roger. The most annoying thing about the Pigeon Detectives is actually coming out with a song that simply lets dance to Joy Division.

14:21That's the Wombats. Wombats! Oh, is it? Yeah, it's embarrassing from fish, that. Whatever, one of them. Pete Danson. They're both as bad as each other. Call it Indie Landfill. Ask Pete Danson about the idea of his broadcasting career when I think it was Absolute Radio sent him all the way to Leeds to interview the pigeon detectives. You've got to go, still on the phone? No. You've got to do it on the phone. Anyway, Mkhitaryan's put a autobiography out. Presumably it's targeted at the Armenian market, guys. I know he's still playing at a very high level, but he's one of those players you don't think about him as much.

14:51And so when he pops up, it's surprising. He wrote in his autobiography about what his relationship was like when he was at Manchester United under Jose Mourinho. And the quote is absolutely amazing. It's good, isn't it? I'd lost my patience with Mourinho. I said to him, you have been criticising me for two years. You are shit. He said, I never want to see you again. He would not say a word to me in training. He's a manager, right? One of his players. he would not say a word to me in training but every night he'd send me a text saying please leave so I can get Alexis he'd say a WhatsApp every night Mickey please go away so good isn't it so so good please go away I'm just saying like I want to get Alexis blue ticks no response yeah 24 hours later please go away it's just unimaginable imagine having a job where you've got people working for you and you don't speak to them all day and in the evening you just text them when they're having a little bit of dinner saying, you're shit.

15:51Please go away, Vish. We want Brassel back. Jose's sitting on his couch next to his wife and she's like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, nothing. Oh, sentence. Yeah. But Lampard and Terry said that, didn't they? That he would text them, like of an evening and go, oh, what are you up to? And he'd be like, oh, I'm just sat down watching this documentary and Jose would be like, oh yeah, I'm watching it as well. Yeah, it's really good. And he was like, and they would think, oh, it was a conversation. They'd be like, Yeah, and I really love the bit. I couldn't believe that, you know, they actually, you know, it wasn't a lackey that built the pyramids.

16:21How about that or whatever? Nothing. Yeah, yeah. Nothing back. Like what? And Lampard's thing was like, is this a test? Yeah. Should I not be watching TV? He should do it all the time. I've just sent a text message to producer Finn saying, please go away. I want to get Don from Goalhanger.

16:39He's right fist off. Is there a bit of previous? There's something about that, isn't there? No, he's friends with Don from Goalhanger. Oh, is he? Who's Don from Goalhanger? Just a producer at Goalhanger. I don't know, Don. Just a little Mourinho. I've heard his work. John Terry also said, and then John Terry did the Simon Jordan podcast quite recently. He was probably messaging loads of people that time of night. No, but he said, he said... What are you? Oh, sorry, no, the doc... Yeah, it's great. A year ago, even like a year ago, he said Jose Mourinho called him, right? He was sitting around at home.

17:11His phone started ringing. and it was Jose Mourinho and he said I know it was a FaceTime it was a FaceTime call and he said without even thinking about it I found myself tidying the room getting in position ready to because I was so nervous about why he was ringing and apparently he's just ringing him to say I hope the house your family can't do it and that kind of thing but he said even now he's got that kind of pull over me because he was so big for my career and such a big character that even though I've not played for him for like 20 years whatever it is he's still a massively impactful person in my life yeah do you think was with Alex Ferguson and the teat business and so on.

17:45Yeah. Mourinho? I mean, it is a bit of that, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know if they sucked on his teat. It's possible. It's definitely possible. I think Mourinho would have got someone in and said, you suck on these. Yeah. He's not getting his teat. I'll be the creative director of the teat sucking project, but you're not having my teat. Exactly, yeah. I got served up into my timeline yesterday, the Roy Keane thing about Ferguson. You've probably seen it, but it's so good when he's talking about how people always say Ferguson did the best thing for Man United and he just lists all the things he goes his son got a league with his medal not sure he was that good a player yeah he does oh when he's on stage yeah and he's saying his brother doesn't even get to the horse his brother was yeah right his brother was head of scouting for 20 years or whatever you know when Darren Ferguson his son got fired from some job Ferguson pulled all the players back from loan all this kind of stuff interesting insight I mean I love Ferguson but it's interesting isn't it as I say one of the one of the most brutal things I've ever seen at a football match mentioned it before I'll mention it again it was at QPR and they were playing who would it have been Preston Peterborough he managed I think it was Peterborough there was a chant about him yeah yeah yeah and of course QPR Tarak scored two 25 yards that day and they were hammering him and it was your dad's ashamed of you your dad's ashamed of you the whole now it's obviously a small ground but it's really enclosed yeah it's good at Loftus Road there is absolutely I mean if there's ever anybody going well did they really hear the chants he had to have been deaf you must have had to laugh you just got to laugh at it I did thank you for listening to Ramble Uncut head over to patreon.com forward slash football ramble to get that delivered straight into your podcast app every single Wednesday that's patreon.com forward slash football ramble see you there the football ramble is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network